BUY SHIRTS
 


01/04/05

A lot of us spent New Years Eve with friends watching the ball drop.
For Michael Jackson, watching balls drop is just Thursday night.

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New Year, New Shirts - Coincidence or Conspiracy?
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A new midget shirt, because you need it.
A new shirt for the ladies, because you deserve it.
And a Tsunami shirt, because you demanded it.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt412.htm

If you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.

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Yellow Journalism
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I recently responded to an interview request from a major Asian news weekly.
Since I know they're never going to print it, I thought you might enjoy it.

We appreciate your interest in our company. We would be happy to answer
your questions. We look forward to what we know will be an unbiased, well
thought out, even handed review of our site and its contents.

1. How would you describe your merchandise?

We would describe our merchandise as extremely racist. We are a company
that is committed to promoting racism; especially, if that racism can be
detrimental to the Asian community. Some people erroneously believe that
this is a comedy website; that we deliberately makes shirts that are
provocative on a variety of "hot button topics" in order to make people
think about and possibly reevaluate their own beliefs, and preconceptions.
They feel that our shirts are so over the top that no reasonable individual
could possibly believe that they were meant to be taken seriously.

Why would we create these shirts if it was our intent to be funny? I assure
you that this is not the case. Our shirts are driven by our deep and
abiding hatred of the Asian community, among others.

2. Do you think your merchandise is racist, sexist, etc?

Yes. It never ceases to amaze me that some people still think that this is
a website devoted to comedy. A major Jewish website made our "Santa Hates
Jewish Kids" shirt, (in which Santa is depicted actually desecrating a
Jewish religious object) their top pick for their gift guide.

Can you imagine them thinking that this was a joke, something that they as
people with a sense of humor could embrace?

3. Where, if anywhere do you draw the line when it comes to making your
products?

It is our goal that our products are as offensive to the Asian community as
possible. While we do have over 150 different t-shirt designs, we are
currently phasing out many of the ones which are not offensive to Asians. A
particularly egregious error on our part is the inclusion of the "Once You
Go Asian, You'll Never Go Caucasian" t-shirt which seems both light hearted
and pro-Asian. Please make no mention of this shirt in your article.

4. We see that you do have fans, but what do you say to your critics who say
that these products are mean spirited and perpetuating stereotypes?

Our critics are correct; it is our fans that are mistaken. The shirts are
intentionally mean spirited and specifically designed to perpetuate
stereotypes. If we can convert one normally open minded, tolerant
individual into a closed minded bigot through the sale of our shirts, then
we are doing what we set out to do as a company.

5. Can you talk more about the t-shirt that says "If Asians are so smart,
then why do they have such small dicks?" What kinds of people have
purchased this shirt?

The shirt you mentioned is part of our campaign to bring about our long term
goal which is the complete removal of all Asians from American soil.

"If Asians are so smart, then why do they have such small dicks?" will
certainly whip Middle America into an Anti-Asian frenzy. I predict wide
spread panic, organized protests, and spontaneous demonstrations; not to
mention outbreaks of vigilante justice.

Most Americans rely heavily on t-shirts as their only source of information.
They eschew the more traditional sources such as television, newspapers, and
books. Once people see this t-shirt, they will realize that their job,
their livelihoods, their way of life is threatened by Asians who, despite
the limitations of their anatomy, will take away their jobs through the use
of their superior intellect. On the flip side, employers, and universities,
fearing a backlash from the enraged public, will shut their doors to Asians.
We hope at this point public outcry will force the government to close our
borders to all new Asian immigration. This is only the first part of our
plan.

As far as our customer base is concerned, it might surprise you to learn
that in spite of the fact that we are the largest retailer of t-shirts on
the internet, with a site that averages over 75,000 unique visitors and over
400,000 page views daily, we have found that our fan base is made up
exclusively of white supremacists, Nazis, mental defectives, and criminals.

As far as we can determine, none of our customers have any formal education
beyond elementary school. Do not be fooled by the pictures of our fans
wearing our t-shirts that appear on our website that appear to show a wide
cross section of people, including people who could possibly be of Asian
descent. I believe they are all clever PhotoShop fakes.

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New Year, Same Old Hate Mail
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----- Original Message -----
From: H. Jacob P.
Sent: Friday, December 31, 2004 12:23 AM
Subject: Love him or hate him, hitler killed a ton of jews

There is no reason at all to advertise the mass murder of Millions of
people. You do not condemn these actions but praise them. You have never
had any problems with a Jewish person. They are not a threat to you. You
are just an insensitive bastard that doesn't deserve to run a website. The
FBI is after file sharing people for breaking the law. They should really
be after you assholes for promoting hate. I hope you realize what a
douchebag you are and stop trying to sell things that will support racism,
sexism, or anything that causes one person to hate another that they've
never met.

-H

(Editor's Note: First of all I have had plenty of problems with Jewish
people, including, I suspect, you. And if you don't think Jewish people are
a threat then can I assume you are denying the existence of the Zionist
conspiracy to rule the world and make everything Kosher, force people to
bargain and call their mothers? A world without bacon is frankly a world I
wouldn't care to be a part of. Secondly, if we removed all of the shirts
that support racism, sexism, and cause people to hate people they never met,
we wouldn't have many shirts left. I thought you Jews were supposed to be
such good businessmen? )

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----- Original Message -----
From: samar s
Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2004 10:39 PM
Subject: RE: T-Shirt Hell Holiday Thingy
you really are an asshole! dont insult muslims. we arent all terrioist! just
thought you would like to know that little fact. but hey im sure you already
do. ASSHOLE!

(Editor's Note: I don't think all Muslims are terrorists. Certainly not
those fine looking black Muslims. Yes, they want to kill Whitey but that
isn't really the point. Those boys make me weak in the knees. You should
have paid more attention in school. Your punctuation, your
capitalization... they're terrible. Who's going to want to read your
suicide note? It will give them a migraine.

You're an idiot, and an asshole, and I'll bet you only get about 20 virgins
when you get to paradise: and I'll bet they gang up, hold you down,
and shove things up your ass.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: MilkMan*** @ ***.com
Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2004 6:54 PM
Subject: Re: T-Shirt Hell Holiday Thingy

You are quite possibly the biggest piece of shit on the face of the earth.
How the fuck can you celebrate the death of the people who are fighting for
your right to express your twisted opinions. These people are dying to
protect us, and you are celebrating. Satan is keeping a nice warm seat in
hell for you, right next to your cumdumpster for a mother. I hope you get
cancer you sorry excuse for a human being.

If you think you are such a tough guy, you should stop hiding behind the
computer and put your picture on the website. Because if I ever run into
you on the street, I will beat you beyond recognition.

(Editor's Note: Listen MilkMan, if you're going to run your mouth you better
be able to deliver. (get it? milkman, deliver?) My mother's in Hell? She
told me she was just going to the store for a pack of smokes! She's only
been gone for ten minutes. I'll miss her. And as everyone knows, my
picture is displayed prominently on the site, so if you really want to fight
a woman you big, strong milkman, I'll beat you like heavy cream. We're not
here to celebrate anyone's death. We're here to educate, inform and
entertain. Were just like Sesame Street, only we can say fuck.)

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From: "Greg J."
Sent: Wednesday, December 22, 2004 12:30 PM
Subject: Photos of people with shirts..

I was looking in your 'high class whores' section, & really enjoyed the
pics of the cute girl showing her bare bottom in the 'stop staring at my
ass' shirt.

Could I get some contact info on her, please? I want to find her, fuck that
tight little ass & then stick a sharpened screwdriver in her ear.

Thanks & God Bless You!
-Greg

(Editor's Note: No problem! Enclosed you will find her home address, a map
to her house, and a copy of the key to her front door. Don't forget to
invite me to the wedding you scamp! )

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Sandra Bullock gave $1 million to the Red Cross to help the people in
Thailand. The Red Cross has returned the money saying simply, "If Sandra
Bullock really wants to help people; she'll simply stop making movies, or at
least switch to porn. We'd love to see her in some type of
interracial/bondage/gangbang thing. Sandra Bullock could not be reached for
comment as her mouth, ass, and pussy were stuffed with cock."

Snappy New Year

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