To start 2004, a word from our president and the creator of tshirthell.com:

"Fuck you, I'm taking a nap."

And now onto the newsletter...


Britney Spears. She's been Justified from behind, she's done it all
for the nookie, and then she ran off to Vegas. Did she get mauled by
a tiger? No such luck. But don't pretend you don't know what
happened after a handful of roofies and a Jaeger enema . Tell your


Saddam Hussein. The only thing worse than a regular homeless person,
is a homeless person worth 40 billion dollars. Reportedly, when they
pulled him out of his spider hole, he said, "It's OK, I had Subway for
lunch." Fuck him. In fact,


Steve Irwin, televisions, "Crocodile Hunter" has been accused of child
endangerment for taking his 1 month old baby into a cage with a 12
foot crocodile. They are even comparing the incident to the time
Michael Jackson dangled his son over a balcony. Steve Irwin maintains
that comparing the situations is absurd: a crocodile is nowhere near as
dangerous to a child, as Michael Jackson is. Does this make Steve a
racist? He said the following:



When I look back at 2003, I realize that I'm not going to miss John Ritter,
are you? Big deal, there won't be a Problem Child V. I mean Three's
Company was great, but it's not as if he was making any new ones. Speaking
of classics, we brought this classic shirt back out of retirement.



This year I resolved to sell more shirts. You should resolve to buy
more shirts. See, we both win! Check out the latest and greatest



We here at Tshirthell.com are very connected and have an exclusive interview
for you with Michael Jackson. He came to us because he wanted to talk to
responsible journalists and liked our shirts. The former P.O.W. (Poontang
Of War) Jessica Lynch works for us and asked if she could do the interview
because she's almost not famous anymore. We said YES.

Here is the interview:

JL : Michael did you molest that kid?
MJ: Yeah, I sucked my own cum out of his asshole. I wanna say whutup to
Outcast and Rest in Peace to Johnny Cash.
JL : What else did you do?
MJ: You mean to the cancer kid?
JL : Yeah
MJ: I shit on his face and rubbed it all over his cancer body while he puked
on his brother. I told him that his dead piece of shit dog would go to hell
if he wouldn't let me. I farted on his nipples. I Put a huge vibrator up
his ass and then put him on the smack around cars here at Neverland to see
how far up it would go. It came out his mouth and I broke his nipples off.
I also had my security detail run a chain on that little bitch until he was
nothing but a puddle of blood, cum and tears.
JL : What are "smack around cars" ?
MJ: They are known on the east coast as bumper cars. So whatever happened
with those photos that Hustler was gonna put out of you?
JL : I don't care let em'. I was a whore at the army and I'm proud of it.
Sometimes, I would let a whole battalion cum on my face and give me a huge
bukakke. When I was six, my dad taught me how to be a good little whore. I
was happy when the Iraqis raped me. I hope I'm pregnant and have an Iraqi
baby. I have nothing to hide. Our government is run by the illuminati.
You can read about it here www.davidicke.com
MJ : I'm gonna go smoke some weed and kill a lawyer in Baltimore. (Editors
Note: This interview took place right before his murder). Oh, and say hi to
that fat captured girl that's not as famous as you.
JL: LMAO I don't talk to that pig anymore!!!
MJ : Who can blame you !!!

(Editor's Note: Don't write to us to complain about this interview. Please
contact MJ directly. He'd like that.)


----- Original Message -----

> From: "nikki *itch*" <bluedevilbab***@**l.com>
> To: <tshirthell.com>
> Sent: Friday, November 28, 2003 1:19 PM
> Subject: Re: Give Thanks, for the T-Shirt Hell Newsletter
> I can not believe that yall will make fun of 9-11 like that? do yall hate
> america? maybe we should put you faggs on the frontlines then see what
> yall say about your shirt!

(Editor's Note: What frontlines is she talking about? The last time I
checked we were all on the frontlines of the war on terrorism. I choose
to laugh at the terrorists. I laugh, and I point, and when appropriate, I
run and hide.)


----- Original Message -----
From: <[email protected]>
To: <info>
Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2003 9:15 PM
Subject: Re: Give Thanks, for the T-Shirt Hell Newsletter

this t-shirt is so dump and suck i really think you just forget bout
selling it and let your daughter wear it !!!

(Editor's Note: Riiight. An obvious Ivy Leaguer. I won't allow
my daughter to wear our t-shirts. She gets better tips working
topless. Too bad she works as a fry cook. Ouch.)


Leave me alone. I'm too rich to make comments to the "people".
Tell those losers to buy some more of my fucking t-shirts so that
I can get my dick sucked by more B Hollywood actresses.

You heard the man...

Peace and Carrots