T-Shirt Hell : Newsletter : January 21, 2008

HULK RUN FAST. HULK SMASH!

A judge has ordered Lindsay Lohan to work in a morgue as part of her sentence. On her first day in the morgue, Lindsay was shocked and disgusted when the coroner pulled back a sheet to reveal her career.

How about those politics? That's really something else, huh? You've got that one guy saying "We need to improve America's novelty keychains." And that one lady...forget about it. She's all "My coffee tasted weird this morning. What can we do about that?" And then the guy from the other party was like "Hey...has anybody seen my flag pin? It was on my jacket a second ago. I can't find it anywhere." Man, it's getting crazy out there.

In more interesting (and more relevant) news, Super Bowl XLII is almost here. And with the Patriots looking to be the first undefeated team since the '72 Dolphins facing off against Eli Manning and the upstart Giants; this promises to be one of the most memorable Super Bowls ever. But no matter who wins, have fun spending the next day on YouTube looking at commercials you saw during the game. Because everything is better when the image is smaller, grainier and you've already seen it. All hail technology!

In entertainment news, the latest season of American Idol is underway. I was shocked to find out that they were going on despite the writer's strike, but I was pleased to find out that it's just as good as ever. Then again, I guess it doesn't take much of a writer to come up with "Put something slightly less objectionable than burning babies on TV and be watched by 30 million dumbfucks anyway."

An unauthorized biography of movie star and elfin creature Tom Cruise was released last week. It makes many outlandish claims which the Cruise camp is denying. In fact, if this book was any crazier, it would be called Dianetics.

I hope you've all been doing your kegels, because our latest collection of new shirts has arrived.

Some fags (anyone who knows stuff) told me this was an election year, so we've added the perfect shirt for all you apathetic voters (a.k.a. non-voters, a.k.a. young people, a.k.a. $$$$$$). If that's not your cup of teabag, we've also added a shirt just for the impressively cocked among you. If you are neither impressively cocked [points and laughs] nor an apathetic voter, we've got some other stuff too. Check 'em out, monkey clit.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_012108_news.htm

andy "No news is good news" according to the old adage. And if all this good news doesn't stop I'm going to put a boot into Anderson Cooper's adorable face. The media has done a good job of filling time ever since 9-11 became boring, but all this filler has itself become boring. Just look at what has made headlines ever since 9-11 started inducing yawns: Janet Jackson's tit, baseball players taking steroids, Kramer saying nigger, and Britney and Lindsay doing anything, just to name a few. It has all made for a nice distraction, but distractions are supposed to last a brief moment, not six fucking years. It's kind of like the last 30 minutes of a Michael Bay movie. You've shown me enough 'splosions. Just let me go home already.

And what happens when the distraction no longer distracts us? That's when we get the manufactured, politically charged, yet gay wholly ineffective, reporting. Those stories keep us interested for a bit, but they run out of steam so quickly. Global warming, border security, gay marriage and priests raping boys held my attention for a while, but we went through them too quickly. We discussed them for the obligatory month before either resuming our ignorance of them or allowing politicians to vote on a meaningless bill that accomplished nothing but to make it seem like they care one way or the other. Now we've completely exhausted our supply of political stories. What's left? Darfur? Please. That shit wouldn't be interesting if it was happening in Canada, much less Africa.

Don't think I'm taking a back-handed swipe at the media. Who can blame them for reporting on trivialities when reporting actual news doesn't affect any kind of change? We've been told everything we need to know about the war...and now what? We can participate in opinion polls, vote and protest, but in the end it has all amounted to us being right back where we started. Even after the midterms, when we got the election "right." The media informed us, we took action and elected everyone we were supposed to, nothing happened. So who's to blame? Surely not politicians. We chose the right ones this time. Activists call people like me apathetic. I prefer to think I'm accomplishing just as much as them, without ever leaving the comfort of my bong-covered couch.

But back to the media. Say what you will about the golden age of journalism when a couple of old white guys told you everything you need to know ("There's too much information in the hands of a few" "Edward R. Murrow is too damn sexy" etc.), but at least it wasn't overwhelming. The problem today is too much media. We have 24-hour news channels, newspapers, blogs, and magazines getting reactions to every mundane story. Then we get reactions to the reactions until footage of the water-skiing squirrel turns into a debate about abortion. The problem with everyone having a voice is that everyone is stupid. I'd rather listen to Walter Cronkite be stupid than listen to ten people be stupid on MSNBC simultaneously.

Now...I don't expect war coverage 24/7. That shit got old about 2,000 soldiers ago. What're we up to now anyway? 4,000? 5,000? Oh well. Whatever it takes to catch Bin Laden, right? So what's my point? Do I want less media? More passionate media? More reliable media? No, I don't want any of that. To be blunt, I want NO media. Journalism has always been a futile exercise, but at least for the last half decade it was fodder for decent satire. Now, even that has outlived its usefulness. No disrespect to The Onion, Stephen Colbert and all the rest, but at this point you've been beating the dead horse for so long that I could drink it through a straw.

Or, if you refuse to go away, you could at least resort to making up stories. Stop wasting your time on actual news and our time on tabloid news. How about some good old-fashioned slander and libel? Here are some headlines to get you started.

President Bush Rapes Cast of Ugly Betty

Unprotected Sex With 10-Year-Olds Cures AIDS

Jesus Returns; Molests Countless Midgets

Tiger Woods/Natalie Portman Found Dead After Apparent Murder-Suicide

Politician Improves Something

Aliens Land; Immediately Declare "Bitch, That Ain't My Baby!"

Earthquake Destroys Oklahoma; Fuck Not Given

Middle East Finds Inner Peace; Surface Still Covered With Blood and Debris

Catholics Change Stance on Everything; Happiness Washes Over Nation

Al Sharpton Protests Candy Corn, Doesn't Know Why

Doctor Discovers Cure for Breast Cancer, Won't Reveal Findings Until Wife Dies

Football Player's House Raided; No Drugs, Guns, or Rape Found

Toyota Recalls Car That Gives You Chlamydia

Poll Reveals Americans Prefer Donkey-Punching To Reading

Dakota Fanning Aborts Ninth Baby

Governor of New Mexico Bans Jew Parties

Apple Introduces Revolutionary iEthnic Cleansing

Record Temperatures Recorded in Diane Sawyer's Vagina

Mischievous Goat Enters Pentagon; 37 Dead, 82 Wounded

Hillary to Obama: "Lick My White Cunt"

Comments (13) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Carrie 01/22/08 6:37 pm

I think I wet myself! God, that was funny!

ben 01/22/08 7:20 pm

-Jesus Returns; Molests Countless Midgets.
-Catholics Change Stance on Everything; Happiness Washes Over Nation.
-Hillary to Obama: "Lick My White Cunt"

LMFAO

Lyndi 01/23/08 1:38 am

That wasn't just funny and mildly offensive - that was actually thought-provoking and sadly accurate! Are we seeing another side of Hell? Your twisted intelligence is always a pleasure. Nice job.

reaper 01/23/08 3:48 am

you think hillary does anal?

Jenna Bush's Used tampon 01/23/08 8:30 am

Huckabee and McCain seen having a threesome with Falwell's Corpse!

Monica 01/23/08 9:03 am

Well, her husband IS an ass. Besides, you just know she wanted to say that to him in the last debate.

Kerfuffle 01/23/08 2:31 pm

Cure for impotence found in dish water.

Iman Azol 01/23/08 2:40 pm

I wonder how much barbed wire Shrillery has to shove up her cunt to turn on the tears.

She's going to need whole spools of it for this election.

slipnslide 01/23/08 8:08 pm

"Fuck not given" - fuck - too funny - stop it! all of it - gold!

PW 01/24/08 1:02 am

But hillary has a penis...

Poppycock 01/24/08 5:29 pm

Is it me or does the writing in the subcription this month seem a lot cleaner and not as witty as previous ones??? I mean its still funny....but it doesnt have that" I just got called a racial slur" sting.

Silly Jism 01/24/08 7:48 pm

i'm nearly lost for words, you make me happy. i especially love the religious hatred, fuck them all to hell (not to t-shirt hell)

Teri 01/30/08 4:28 pm

Yea, this is for the muslim that was offended by the mohammad remark.... How often was he on the site when JESUS was slammed and laughed his ASS off?? What makes mohammad so special that they can't insult him? Get a life....if you had said you were offended by ALL the religious shirts, I would have more respect for you. But since you didn't, I'll have to put you in the crazy hypocrite muslim category.... Their shirts are all in fun, they are mostly offensive, and THEY ROCK!! They are obviously not looking for people that are offended easily to buy their products... Peace, Teri from VA

-----Original Submission-----

From: djduzzy*** @ ***.com
Sent: Monday, January 14, 2008

hi am tarek and i am muslim guy from egypt, i graduated from coloumbus state community college and i've lived in usa for 4 years and i realy respected your company and i bought a t-shirt from you company when i was in ohio BUT when i saw this "i named this t-shirt mohammed" i realy didnt like the idea at all cause its not realy a good one about our prophet "Mohamed"

i did like the states and i realy have the honor of being graduated from there....but now my thoughts are diff..cause of an idea of t-shirt like this one .

Sincerely

Tarek H.

gay

Editor's Note: Wow. What a ringing endorsement for Columbus State Community College. Go Fightin' Downies! What was your major? Did you go for 'Advanced Window-Licking' or 'Not Biting Strangers 101'? Seriously, if what this guy received from Ol' CSCC qualifies as a valid degree, we might as well start honoring Burger King employees' degrees from Whopper U.

All kidding aside, it's quite pathetic that you'd allow a simple t-shirt to influence your opinion of an entire nation. It's that kind of ignorance that led to the quagmire in Iraq. Saddam was seen wearing a tee that read "Rumsfeld gives lousy head" and the rest is history. Economy-crippling, thousands-have-needlessly-died history.

Comments (60) - View Comments - Add A Comment

criztine 01/22/08 7:40 pm

.....that's it? Where's the vicious wit? Did you not have your puppy killing spree today, that tell off was kinda soft for you! I'm shocked!

LM.tex 01/23/08 12:12 am

I'm torn between "Grow a pair" and "Go back to your shithole country and genitally mutilate subjugated females in the name of your made up deity." Or better still, sign up to be a suicide bomber. Your English is so poor, I can only hope you'd manage to kill yourself and no one else.

So Tarek, here are a couple of tips: learn to use the Shift key, learn some grammar skills, check the spelling of your college because you got it wrong, and please explain why "I named this t-shirt Mohammed" is more offensive to you than "The Koran, now in two-ply."

Have a nice day. Go fuck yourself.

Sponge 01/23/08 7:14 am

Its nice to know that the T-Shirts are doing their job, well done T-Shirt Hell

Ronald Reagan's colon tumor 01/23/08 8:40 am

I gather you couldn't even get a job at 7-11, Tarek?

noah body 01/23/08 12:13 pm

It's nice to see that higher education is alive and well in the US of A. Apparently, none of the computers Tarek learned on had a shift key, any puncutation keys or spell check installed. What a ringing endorsement of American education! Tarek should be the poster child for all that's wrong with the education system in the US. How sad that someone who's supposedly gotten a degree from a university has such poor writing skills (forget about the sentence structure and grammar). The whole "I don't like you because you're disrespectful of the invisible man in the sky that I believe in" argument hardly bears mentioning! I guess the other off colour, offensive, political or rude shirts are just perfectly fine with Muslims - as long as you don't make fun of Mohammad or use the name anywhere. I'd love to know what shirt he bought!!! Obviously, after 4 years in the US, Tarek somehow managed to avoid hearing anything about the whole "freedom of speech" thing and of course that's practically irrelevant when you come from a country that has such a wonderful record of supporting human rights and women's rights! The really frightening part about this email is that this guy's a customer and seemingly has NO PROBLEM with any other shirt on the site, except for the one ponting fun at Muslims - which in fact, it really isn't, as much as it's lampooning the whole "Mohammed the teddy bear" incident that was in the news recently. Evidently Tarek can't make the distinction here and got only as far as the word Mohammed before his brain shut down. Would someone please explain to me why hispanics can name their children "Jesus" (even if they do pronounce it hey-zuus) and Muslims have more people named Mohammed than there are grains of sand in Arabia - but naming a teddy bear or a t-shirt Mohammed is cause to either execute someone or hate an entire nation. It's it a fabulous and wonderful thing that the human race has spent the last 2000 years killing each other and hating each other over who's version of god is the "right" one to believe in. Isn't it great that based only on the "beliefs" of certain groups of people, others must either be killed, sent to war, or of course just be killed in any variety of ways because they don't hold the same "beliefs" as those doing the killing? It seems to me that every religion in the world has something to say about the prohibition of murder (unless of course, you're murding someone who doesn't believe what YOU believe) then, it appears, every religion's perfectly fine with killing people - just make sure that they're of a different faith!! Maybe it's about time that all the athiests got together and started strangling "believers" with this Mohammed t-shirt, burning down all the churches, mosques and synagogues and putting an end to this asinine, cry-baby, infantile bullshit once and for all! Forget for a moment the fact that this god "fairy tale" business is complete and utter bullshit, has no basis in fact, reality (let alone one shred of physical, practical or scientific proof to support it) or has any bearing on today's modern world... let's just all "believe" that we're right, that the other guy's wrong and kill everyone who doesn't agree with us. And I'm pretty sure that with all the things going on in the world, with all the killings, all the suffering, all the corruption, graft, disease, pollution, global warming and etc. I'm pretty certain that "god" is mightily concerned about what some dork decides to print on a piece of fucking cloth!!! THAT is certainly a reason to hate a nation! Why is it that most-often, the most fervently religious and those who are the strongest "believers" are also usually the ones who are the most ignorant, uneducated, unintelligent and most likely to come from a southern state (or third world country) where fucking your cousin is either a sport or the only way to keep your family tree intact??? What a nicer world it would be if everyone put more of their energy and time into trying to capitalize on our similarities and solving the challenges that face every human being on the planet instead of fighting about what "god" thinks about what's printed on a t-shirt! What fucking huberis! How dare this twit (or anyone else) presume to know what "god" thinks or wants in the first place (assuming of course that the invisible-man-in-the-sky exists at all). Unfortunately, 50% of the people out there have less than "average" intelligence (which isn't saying much to begin with). So that means that 1 out of ever 2 people you meet is probably either smarter or dumber than you (and 99% of the latter category believe in god). Fucking Christ. God help us all. Out.

Jewey McJewerson 01/23/08 1:26 pm

Tarek huh, is that Egyptian for douchebag? What are you even doing at TSH? You dirty Arabs don't wear t-shirts anyway, just dresses and exploding vests so what's the problem? Or are you even Egyptian at all? How are we to know that you're not just a Mexican trying to upgrade your image.

I made my own shirt "I named my penis Mohammed", I didn't think naming a shirt was offensive enough. I quit wearing it though because it got no response from the target audience, turns out they were too ignorant to read it.

la la la la l a BOOM! Say what you want, Arabs are funny, especially exploding ones that are blowing up other Arabs. Keep up the good work.

noah body 01/23/08 1:57 pm

Nice commentary Jewey... certainly makes my point for me. There's nothing like a great Jew vs Arab fight to get the sand storms flying! As someone who's coming from a religion/culture that may possibly hold the world record for longest-persecuted group of people, you've certainly taken your religious teachings to heart and learned to "turn the other cheek". It must be thrilling to occupy such lofty moral ground and know that you're better than Egyptians or anyone else, especially since you ought to know from personal experience how delightful it is to be discriminated against because of your race/religion. Bravo for you. You fucking idiot! And let's not forget that the "holiest" place on earth has been the site where probably the greatest number of people in the history of mankind have been killed in "the name of god" for 2000 years - starting with the crucifiction of Jesus and continuing until modern times. THAT certainly says a lot about the value and benefit of religious devotion! I'll bet god's fucking thrilled that the Jews (his "chosen people") have spent so much time killing other people and fighting over who owns some mouldering old monuments and piles of sand. It must be a very self-affirming and gratifying feeling to be Jewish and secure in the knowledge that you're going to heaven because you've completely followed the teachings of "love thy neighbour" and "do unto others" and "thou shalt not kill". Between the Palestinians, the Isralies and the rest, it's amazing that the sand in that region of the world isn't blood red! The two of you have certainly devoted yourselves to spilling as much of each other's blood as humanly possible! You must be VERY proud indeed. Looks good on you, you fucking twat!

Iman Azol 01/23/08 2:42 pm

Wait, did T Shirt Hell offend someone so much they hate America?

FUCKING SWEET. One Muslim asshole down, 999,999,999 to go.

Kerfuffle 01/23/08 2:46 pm

noah body cares

Jewey McJewerson 01/23/08 2:50 pm

You must love hearing yourself talk there noah. Or maybe its just the voices in your head that told you "Jewey McJewerson" is a plausible name for a Jew, you would have to be an Arab to be that stupid. Of course for you I'll turn the other cheek, assuming you are referring to my ass and want to kiss both sides. Don't be discouraged, keep writing nonsensical drivel and eventually something worth hearing might come out.

la la la la la BOOM! ha ha ha,,,

Noah Body 01/23/08 3:45 pm

That's the great thing about the internet. Anyone with access can contribute their opinions - no matter how racist, ignorant, infantile, offensive, nonsensical and now matter how poorly worded, thought out or anything else. Might I suggest that if you don't want people to assume that you're Jewish, perhaps a name change is in order. You can hardly fault people for making that leap when it's you who chose the name and put it out there on a public dialogue board. Just like I've put my comments out there for you to harp on and criticize. What amazes me is the combined racism and stupidity of Americans in general. Looking at some of the posts that this site routinely receives, it's hardly surprising that some people around the globe wish you harm and fly planes into your buildings. The sad part is that because of your ethnocentric and isolationist culture, combined with your nation's willful ignorance about anything non-American, you (unfortunately) have practically ZERO idea of how your nation is viewed by the rest of the world. You're the ONLY developed nation without national healthcare, have more gun crime than ANY other place on the planet, are some of the most racist people most of us have ever met, know almost NOTHING about your nearest neighbout and biggest international trading partner (that's Canada by the way - and it's a sovereign nation, not the 51st state) and are the nation responsible for the mass murder of 1000's in your illegal war being waged by your idiot president (that you idiots elected a second time and who's put the nation in its worst debt in the history of the Presidency!!) and in spite of all this, Americans walk around like God's gift to the world and think that they're the next best thing to sliced bread. It's probably a good thing that most of you never leave the country since your warped and unrealistic view of the world and your importance in it would surely get you in trouble almost anywhere you'd go. There are a lot of great things about the US and certainly, the world's economy is tied to yours - but there are some really terrible things about the US that you people seem willfuly ignorant of. People like Michael Moore would (in a perfect world) be elected to power rather than rich, draft dodger, war mongering, morons like George W. It's amusing to watch from outside your borders as you all flail about telling everyone how wonderful you are when in areas like education, healthcare and other important areas you rank well down the list and are only slightly ahead of countries like Cuba!! Not that Canada's doing a whole lot better (according to the W.H.O.) but we're certainly doing a better job than you are! It's just amusing to be constantly innundated by your views, your news, your culture, your products and your attitudes but to also have the perspective of not being American and being able to see how big a deal you make about yourselves when in reality you run your country and treat your citizens far worse on many levels than many, many other nations do. Being "great" doesn't just mean having the biggest army or strongest economy or the most widely consumed products (i.e. Coke/Levis), the real measure of greatness is how well educated you are, how well you look after your own citizens, how well you treat others and how well you're regarded by your peers (that means your equals) around the globe. I'm sure that this blog only attracts certain people and so the commentary's skewed but this blog's a good example of why people dislike America and Americans. Many of you are woefully ignorant, arrogant, uninformed, rude, boorish, racist, smug, self-righteous fools - and richly deserve the contempt and derrision heaped on you by the rest of the world. Say whatever you want in response. Calling me names and criticising me for my observations won't change the facts listed above. It's too bad that when the "new roman empire" finally collapses under the weight of its own top heavy economic disparity, corruption and greed, that you'll likely drag the rest of us down with you. You seem to forget that whites are barely reproducing fast enough to keep our population static and the asians and blacks will soon out number us badly. You be as racist and ignorant as you want. I'm sure it will stand you in good stead when China blows your economy out of the water and whites become the "minority" in relation to the rest of the world's population. If you were all as "smart" as you'd like us all to believe, you'd be figuring out ways to get along with the other races of the world rather than trying to contantly prove that you're better than everyone else. Frankly, unless you're Indian/Innuit/Native/First Nations or whatever, YOU are a freaking immigrant and HARDLY have much right to spew your racist, anti-anyone drivel, since YOUR ancestors probably crawled off some boat 100 years ago as well! Anyway, whatever, ignorance must truly be bliss. As long as you're happy, what the hell do I care about your attitudes or opinions. I'm just glad you don't live next door to me and the worst I have to put up with is reading your asinine commentary on a web page devoted to off-colour t-shirts. Talk about a temptest in a teapot. Grow up.

Jesus 01/23/08 3:57 pm

I just want to say that I really,really hate niggers.Those god damn nigger-apes are ruining this country with their retarded monkey ways.I think I`ll go rape one just for the irony.

Jesus 01/23/08 4:04 pm

To that I would like to add That Jews suck as well.Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza?A pizza doesn`t scream when you put in the oven!Would somebody please nuke Israel?Pretty please!

Fighty McWhiskey (I'm Irish now) 01/23/08 5:35 pm

noah I was obviously wrong about something worth hearing coming out of of your writing. You have got to be shitting me, "a name change is in order". I admit I was puzzled that someone was able to use such big words, yet be totally devoid of intelligence. Of course you cleared that up for me when referring to Canada you sad "we".

Spiker 01/23/08 6:00 pm

Well lets see, he's been here 4 years graduated from a Community College which is normally a 2 year school. Now the question is did he graduate in 2 years or did it take him 4? If it was 4 did they graduate him just to get him the fuck out of there. I love the broken english though, he sounds like a customer service representative or a tech support guy. I wonder if thats what he studied so he can move back to Egypt or whatever for an American customer service job? Did anyone notice the email addtess? djduzzy? Now there is a thought, can you imagine this guy being a dee-jay? Anyway, whatamaroooooon

Mohammed's penis 01/23/08 6:15 pm

I don't know what all the fuss is about, I'm the one who has it rough. He named me "Little Mohammed"! "Little", imagine what that does to my self esteem. Even that wouldn't be so bad though if I didn't have to go around covered in camel shit all day every day. If I had one I would tell you all to kiss my ass, but since I don't you will just have to settle for licking the camel shit off of me.

If only I could start over, I could change my name to "Oak McAsspounder" so people would think I was a Canadian hippie.

Jewey McJewerson 01/23/08 6:25 pm

la la la la la BOOM!! ha ha ha

dpdiddy 01/23/08 6:36 pm

FLAME WAR! My money's on Fighty. Go git em, you scrappy lil bogtrotter! Seriously, Tarek, no wonder hatred for the US is spreading like Syphilis through Britney's cerebral cortex. One tee shirt and you hate us? Jesus, if I drop a fucking fork its time to load up the pickup with expired Russian artillery shells with you people. You people really need to find a loophole in the Koran and get yourselves into the alcohol. Have a fucking cocktail already.
tshirthell, im a big fan of the "Thing." Love your writing. keep i comin'. -dpdiddy of middlecoast.us

Timbo Teabaggins 01/23/08 9:06 pm

Noah, buddy, just because no one subscribes to your blog doesn't mean we want it rehashed verbatim here. That's two more pages you've wasted in here instead of in your hotly anticipated Unablogger manifesto, soon to be gracing the pages of the Buttfuck-Nowhere Weekly Shopper.

Jess 01/23/08 10:38 pm

wtf?! why is it that everytime I come on this site there is a poory written, mispelled letter from someone who says they are muslim and they are going to stop buying your shirts. i have been a fan of this site for many years, and i swear is the same guy writing these horrible letters lol!

Gregor 01/23/08 10:47 pm

Mohammed-Damn Muslims! No fucking sense of humour! You don't see or hear of Christians issuing "fatwahs" or going apeshit over jesus shirts or jesus cartoons. They're too busy blowing up abortion clinics. Go Fuck yourself Mohammed Boy! Hitler had the right idea, just needed to focus on the Muslims. Luv From Greg, Adelaide, South Australia.

Tony 01/23/08 10:55 pm

No doubt ... what a retard. I mean, I understand it's a community college but damn mohamed ... wtf did you study b/c you can hardly put a fuckin sentence together and there are more incorrect things in your letter than all of the Koran and that's a lot!!! I guess the only thing you fuckin mooslims are good for is blowing yourselves up so quit sending letters and go kill some babies!!! Ayeyayayayayaa!!! death to mohamed!! kill whitey!!!

Jewey McJewerson 01/23/08 11:02 pm

Actually Timbo, we don't have to wait for the next edition of the Buttfuck-Nowhere Weekly Shopper. Anyone who would like to see noah live in person can simply attend the upcoming Vancouver Gay Pride Parade. Be sure to leave your day open, it is an all day event due to the fact that it is nearly 35km long and contains most of the residents.

Yuri Tarded 01/23/08 11:25 pm

Right on Gregor. I'm not sure where the Gay Pride thing comes in though. Everyone knows Mohammed was a pedophile not gay, unless butt sex with camels somehow makes a person gay.

MsBitch 01/24/08 1:05 am

Tarek the devout Muslim is a perfect candidate for suicide bomber. He'd look better splattered all over the sidewalk than he does while using the english language (with his college-educated badass self!). Hey, with any luck your shirt not only made him want to go the hell home, it also made him want to blow his ass up after he gets there! GO T-SHIRT HELL!!!!

Jewey McJewerson 01/24/08 1:56 am

Like I said, Arabs are funny. Especially exploding Arabs!

la la la la la BOOM!! ha ha ha

Fruit-cup the clown 01/24/08 4:10 am

ha ha i think you should turn "Rumsfeld gives lousy head" into a t-shirt

Kari 01/24/08 10:04 am

Somebody's fuckin with us, right? Tarek can't be a real person.....can he?

evilklown 01/24/08 3:04 pm

Here's what I don't get: it's "offensive" for some inanimate object to be called Mohammed, but every other Islamic asshole has Mohammed (or some variation) as one of his seven names. Don't get me wrong, being Islamic doesn't make you an asshole, but it sure as hell doesn't help.

I'm in grad school with several people like Tarek Mohammed Jihadibad, and almost all of them are just as much of a dumbfuck.

The Mexican 01/24/08 5:12 pm

Tarek my muslim amigo, grow up, suck it up ese, their is always a brigth side to everything, for example thanks to t-shirt hell im fucking rich, soy rico, cuss I sell these monkey t-shirts in the swapmeets and the gringos buy them.
Fucking gringos buy everything los pendejos, even rocks.

Tarah Martin 01/24/08 5:41 pm

And this people, is the shit we want to say every day, but we keep our mouths shut at an attempt at peace, unless you truely don't give a fuck, but until we are all like minded peace will never happen, and idiots like this who judge a nation on one persons shirt will still be allowed to walk the earth. Hitler did have a good idea - ha!

the earth would be a perfect place if it wasn't for the human race ^_^

Nipple Dick 01/24/08 8:06 pm

Whoa, Noah buddy.......... chill out with the typing. Nobody cares that much about what you have to say. Just make it short and sweet so we skip over whatever you write easily. I fucking hate you people so lick my asshole, cuntbags.

The Cuz 01/24/08 9:04 pm

I suggest taking a paypal collection up and shipping those shirts over to Egypt!

Jewey McJewerson 01/24/08 10:12 pm

That's a good idea Cuz. But how would anyone read them? I don't say that because Arabs are too ignorant to read (redundant), but because only the sleeves would show from under the exploding vest. The next problem is that screen printing the shirts leaves them smelling new and fresh Arabs don't like that. Somehow THS would have to come up with shit-scented ink to get them to wear them.

la la la la la BOOM!! ha ha ha

omar z 01/25/08 8:32 am

I am also a muslim guy, born and raised, living in nyc, and im a college drop out...(i wonder if tarik will think less of me now) and i seen the "i named this t-shirt mohammed" i didn't buy it, but i thought it was clever......i am not upset at all, i know my feelings toward our prophet and thats what matters to me.....there was also one about jesus and the last supper that says sausagefest....lol....so what, people need to stop worrying about what others say and express......tarik grow some balls and go to jumah (Friday's prayer..which is like christian's Sundays mass) and relax....if youre buying t-shirts from this website in the first place, you should expect to go across something you dont agree with.....people like you give bad name to islam.....taqwacore for life!!!!!!

jenna 01/25/08 9:39 am

ah tarek, if you truly TRULY loved the usa, then this tshirt wouldnt have offended you. you see, you should know by now that we are a country that is built on sarcasm and bad humor. if you cant laugh at this tshirt, i am going to have to think that you are a terrorist...and tarek, im namming my middle finger after you...

Jamie 01/25/08 11:56 am

Isn't that what this company is about? Sure there are shirts I don't agree with, and I bet some people don't agree with the ones I like. Kudos to you guys for keeping it real and hitting more than one specific audience. This is freedom of speech bitches and EVERYONE is entitled to it! PS I'm a 21 yr old married, pregnant, med student intelligence does not beget political sensitivity.

someone 01/25/08 2:58 pm

Love this site, love the shirts, totally support freedom of speech and every single shirt here - even the ones that really push the limits. The Hate Mail section's a fucking riot and just goes to show how stupid most people are. It's not hard to understand how some people get the wrong idea or find cause to hate t-shirt hell or the USA though. All u have to do is read the responses to this newsletter to see how ignorant closed minded and racist some people can be. Its not an excuse for it but I can see how some people can get a royal hate-on for the US.

redrum 01/25/08 4:49 pm

Noah, you faggot assed cannuck. Quit sucking moose balls and taking hockey pucks in the ass and maybe someone will take your imbecilic rants seriously. Get a fucking life, you douche for brains

Jewey McJewerson 01/26/08 4:39 am

Q. Why do camels run so fast?
A. Because they saw what the Arabs did to the sheep

la la la la la BOOM!! ha ha ha

Weez 01/26/08 7:16 pm

I actually have a question for noah body, does it feel good? Does it feel good to be so self-righteous? Does it feel good to demoralize others just becuase you disagree with them? Seriously, isn't that why you started berating Tarek in the first place? For being a judgmental prick?

R.S.V.P. mutherfucker!

right nut liberal 01/27/08 1:59 pm

I'm so glad that people go to college so that they can become politically correct because we don't have enough assholes, retards and just annoying fucks. Oops did I say retards I hope I didn't offend anyone, no but if I did offend someone BLOW ME. No wait don't blow me in case whatever brain deteriorating disease you have might be contagious.

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine

Jewey McJewerson 01/27/08 4:51 pm

What have a teddy bear and the prophet Mohammed got in common?

They both sleep with kids.

la la la la la BOOM!! ha ha ha

Recovering virgin 01/28/08 12:51 am

Commenting on the guy's ethnicity, spelling and grammar are pathetic and low blows. Cursing him out and suggesting for him to become a suicide bomber shows extreme ignorance and a sign that people like to hate only to feel superior whether there's reason or not (and there never is.)
Why are people acting so surprised by this "Tarek's" submission? I mean, there are morons KILLING each other on hourly basis in the name of Muhammed...Mohamed...whatever the fuck it's supposed to be, and in the names other lords as well. Be reasonable and try to give a somewhat fair response to something like this. The guy didn't write in to curse anyone out or express hatred. Disappointment maybe, but aside the ridiculous Mühammet T-shirt comment he actually gave a bunch of compliments, and ONE of several reasons people around the globe dislike the United States is its constant need to compete and try to prove that it's bigger, badder and better than everything else.
Incidental facts: the US holds 300 million out of the planet's 6 BILLION people, whereas Asia holds over 400 million, Europe over 700 million, Africa over 900 million, Russia almost 1.5 BILLION etc...
The US is thus, despite its claims, quite small in both size and population compared to most other parts of the world. The US needs to calm down and understand that people elsewhere are equals as well - "God bless America" and "In God We Trust" by all means, American slogans that show the country being, aside from the middle east, the most religious country on Earth. Not EVERYONE in America is a religious fanatic - probably not even the majority of folks, just as not everyone from Egypt or Kazakhstan are suicide bombers (!!!)
People overreacting and sometimes just reacting to stupid things leads to economic downslopes and wars (religious world leaders such as Bush and Hussein sending out innocent people to die in the process of killing other innocent people.) If the C-word, the N-word, the F-word and expressions like "Jesus Christ" and "God Damn" are to be banned from the precious airwaves of American radio and television, then what the fuck is it about religion being pushed on the public that makes some watery-eyed, applaud and/or sacrifice their economical savings to a guy in a suite, when any sane being these days knows that religion is the main cause of most horrible acts going on in the world today (as has always been the case.) And no religion is worse than the other - they all have rituals that fuck up the mind and body equally (whether it's sacrificing another human being, an animal, your money or a piece of your penis). BAN that shit and let people think for themselves when it comes to scientific fact versus bullshit fairy tales! You don't have to PICK a religion - you need to be realistic and use that noodle logically in order for anything within you or around you to evolve!

Jewey McJewerson 01/28/08 9:31 am

Recovering vagina you still have a way to go, you are still an ignorant cunt. Did you graduate from the same school as Tarek? Do you know where China is? China has more than 1.3 billion people and is just one of the countries in Asia. India is there too and they have more than 1.1 billion people. If you multiplied the population of Russia by 10 it still would not be 1.5 billion. Way to fuck up the facts trying to sound intelligent, kinda backfired on you didn't it. If your facts are that fucked up your opinions can't be worth shit either. At least you made up for not having anything intelligent to say by saying a lot of it.

Mr Khan and Mr Jones live next door to each other in identical houses. Their homes are valued by an estate agent. Mr Khan's house is worth 200'000 - while Mr Jones' is worth 150'000.

Mr Jones asks the estate agent why this is? The estate agent replies "Simple, Mr Khan dosen't have a Arab living next door!"

la la la la la BOOM!! ha ha ha

Oak McAsspounder (Gay Canadian Hippy) 01/28/08 9:58 am

People keep saying that Americans are stupid, but I disagree. Anyone that builds a city 10 metres below sea level, in a hurricane zone, and fills it with niggers is a fucking genius!

danknstein 01/28/08 3:23 pm

I just took a shit with lots of undigested bean casings and corn in it.
I named the actual shit Mohammed , but all the corn and beans chunks I named Tarek. Go fuck yourself you filthy fucking sand farmer.

Jewey McJewerson 01/28/08 3:49 pm

A muslim dies and finds himself infront of St Peter at the gates of heaven.

"Hey, what's going on here, where am i?", he asks St Peter. "Welcome to the afterlife", St Peter replies. "No, no this isn't right. i want to speak to the prophet mohammed, right away". "Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter. "No! i want to speak to the prophet mohammed", replies the muslim.

"Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want", says St Peter, and goes off to find him

"Jesus, i don't understand what's going on here", the muslim says, "i want to speak to the prophet mohammed". "Would you like a capuccino?". "No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now"

"Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus.

This appears acceptable to the muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears. "Yes, what seems to be the problem here", booms God. The muslim is very worked up by now, "Look, i don't get what's happened here, i want to talk to the prophet mohammed!"

"Would you like a capuccino?". "Ok, ok," says the muslim, "i'll have a fucking capuccino, now will someone please let me speak to the prophet mohammed"

"Two cappucinos, mohammed", says God

Jewey McJewerson 01/28/08 9:05 pm

There was a German, an Italian and an Muslim named Tarek on death row.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head.". Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then Tarek said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."
They gave him the shot, and Tarek fell down laughing.
The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then Tarek said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
Tarek replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!"

la la la la la BOOM! ha ha ha

Yuri Tarded 01/29/08 7:48 am

Scientists have warned that 260,000 Muslims could die as a result of global warming.
On a more serious note my dog's got fleas.

FuckDaPolice 01/29/08 12:51 pm

Maaan...Fuck Jews *and* their close cousins, the Nigger Jews (ie. Muslims...am I right?)!! But MOST of all FUCK WHITIE!!! Limp dicked cracker-ass-crackers! See you in hell, from Nigger heaven!

Yuri Tarded 01/29/08 1:16 pm

Every culture has its own holy book, Muslims have the Qur'an, Israelis/Jews have the Torah, Christians have the bible... Niggers have the Jungle Book.

Yuri Tarded 01/29/08 7:55 pm

Two muslims walk into a bar.

Boom!!
Boom!!

Jewey McJewerson 01/29/08 8:08 pm

What's flaming hot,
smells of baked shit
and is surrounded by a cheering crowd?

A mosque burning down.

Evildoer 01/30/08 4:08 am

A muslim suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise. Once in paradise, he finds himself surrounded by 72 of the ugliest skanks anyone has ever laid eyes upon.
A bemused Allah then says to him: "Why do you think they're still virgins?!"

Most men are in favor of the Muslim full face veil.
It solves the problem of where to wipe your dick after a blow job

What do you get if you cross a diaper head with an orangutan?

An ugly orangutan.

Yuri Tarded 01/30/08 6:22 am

I've found another place where you can find over 75,000 Muslim jokes!

It's called Detroit.

gimmie a break 01/30/08 4:57 pm

That Noah Body might be smart with some things, but somebody take his fucking keyboard away... He's fucking nuts, and has nothing else to do but to see his own typing and words all day long. He's probably those fucking Nigerian scammers that sit on their ass all day and try and fuck people out of money...get a fucking life noah body.... Jewey, I love ya...and love your humor!! Keep it up.

Jewey McJewerson 01/30/08 8:03 pm

What have a baseball bat and a turban got in common?

You can wrap them both round an Arab's head.

Angus McShagnasty 01/30/08 11:13 pm

Why do Muslims wear those long robes?
Goats can hear a zipper a mile away.

An Arab buys a camel and he proudly decides to ride it around his local pub carpark, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers.
"Nice camel mate," One of the drinkers commented, "Is it male or female?"
"It's female!" said the Arab.
"How can you tell?" said the drinker.
"Well," the Arab explained, "on the way here today, at least twenty people yelled out,'Hey, Look at the dirty, smelly cunt on that camel!"

Why don't Muslims ever get a handjob from their wives?
Because goats don't have opposable thumbs.

Jewey McJewerson 02/02/08 2:24 am

Why are camels called "the ship of the desert"?
Because they are full of Arab semen

la la la la la BOOM!! ha ha ha

-----Original Submission-----

From: Myles D.
Sent: Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Subject: Ripoff Shirts

Quit being hypocritical. You ripped off Jim Henson's Muppets and Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes.

Editor's Note: There are times when I think people are fucking with us, but I'm just not sure. Then I remember how fucking stupid people are and I become pretty goddamn sure.

In this day and age of easily accessible information, it has become increasingly difficult to do something that isn't overly derivative if not a blatant ripoff. That's why we make a concerted effort to produce original ideas. The thing twats like this don't seem to understand is that everything has roots in something.

People have been communicating through speech for thousands of years. Are we supposed to start relaying information via slide whistles because verbal exchanges have been "soooo done"? You know what else has been done? Being a douchebag who complains about the most inconsequential shit on the planet. Stop ripping people off, asshole!

Yes, Jim Henson and Bill Watterson created the characters those shirts spoof, but you show me the episode of The Muppet Show where Beaker cuts open Kermit or the strip where Hobbes eats Calvin and I'll gladly suck the patch of hair that covers your dick.

Comments (7) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Loser 01/22/08 10:23 pm

nice way to show us your backpedaling skills.

keep up the good work shit-lump.

w/e 01/22/08 10:35 pm

Aren't those characters in the public domain yet?

S. Tony 01/23/08 10:50 am

I dont think it qualifies as ripping anything off if you have characters doing uncharacteristic things. That qualifies as parody. Does this fucking idiot think 'Scary Movie' was really ripping off 'Scream'? Hell, a lot of(o.k, you got me, a FEW) black people have jobs and car insurance these days. Does that mean their ripping off white people? Well, maybe it does.

Iman Azol 01/23/08 2:44 pm

Myles has no dick. Loser is a douche. You should get pictures of both of them, put them on T shirts and say, "This is what shit looks like." But it's probably been done.

Kerfuffle 01/23/08 3:49 pm

I'm pretty god damn sure that someone helped Myles here type this fucking email – most tards can spell Muppets, maybe even Calvin and Hobbes ... but, hypocritical. Yeah fucking right – I call bullshit.

Gregor 01/23/08 10:52 pm

I dont give a shit who TShirt Hel rips off or parodies. All that matters is that the t shirts are funny & offend someone, anyone, everyone.
l-u-v from Greg, Adelaide, South Australia

Danielle Lane 02/09/08 10:02 pm

I love you... Will you be the father of my children? Seriously though, I get e-mails from you about once a month I'd say and their is always some hate mail and then your replies... I love your wit and sarcasm... as well as your ability to just tell people they are moronic.. We need more people like you.

-----Original Message-----

From: hufflerrec*** @ 13***.com
Sent: Saturday, January 19, 2008
Subject: dumb fucks

Hey dude, I just want to fucking tell you guys I submitted a t-shirt idea of "I'm bringing nigger back" with Dog the Bounty Hunter and I've got no response no nothing. First of all if i wanted to sell it on my own site fucking tens of hundreds of people would buy that. you're fucking stupid shit. you're dumb fucking assholes for not wanting to buy that.

So realize that you're a dumb fuck. Put me on your fucking newsletter. I have somebody trying to claim against you cause I have sent you plenty of emails. I just think you're fucking stupid assholes and the ideas you're using are dumb as shit. They're gay t-shirts nobody wants to buy. You want some t-shirts people will buy? Then use some of your user's submissions that are actually helpful to your company as opposed to this gay fucking shit you're putting up on your website.

Go fuck yourself, fuck your mother and fuck all of you.

Editor's Note: Holy lord. If the chip on this guy's shoulder was any bigger it would be stomping Asians in downtown Tokyo right now. This reminds me of the internet nerds I alluded to after that previous hate mail. The kind of tool who declares jihad against George Lucas because the new Star Wars movies sucked.

It's not George Lucas' fault you're a pathetic loser. He didn't deprive you of a wonderful moment in your life by half-assing the prequels. You deprived yourself by thinking that viewing some movies about a magical force and some gay robots would be the defining moment in your life. Fuck...if you twats stopped playing WoW and debating the wisdom of a little green puppet long enough to get your knobs licked you'd realize everything you care about is a joke. And not the funny kind.

But back to the moron at hand. If so much of your happiness hinges on our shirts you might want to reassess some things. I like to think we produce some funny shirts, but their usefulness doesn't extend beyond providing some laughs for stoners or hopefully getting you some trim at a club. If you don't find one of our shirts to be funny, shrug your shoulders and move on. You think I gave a shit when Seth MacFarlane followed up Family Guy with American Dad? No. I said "That kinda sucked" and got back to my ACTUAL LIFE.

Regardless, good luck with the sales of your shirt idea. Fortunately it's still a relevant news story that no one has forgotten about over the past couple months. I know you'll do it too. You're a go-getter. You're not the type to talk a big game and pointlessly get pissed at others because you're unhappy with where you're at in your life. You make things happen. I know you didn't just write this email to feel better about yourself right before resuming your sad and empty life. See you at the top!

Comments (43) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Chris 01/22/08 7:53 pm

HAHA, Gotta admit that "I'm bringing Nigger back" shirt would have been funny tho. I'm surprised they didnt use that dudes idea. I'd buy it, but funny shit for the reply

Mikey Mike 01/22/08 7:57 pm

Actually. ...I Submitted that idea. This is MY email. Still a fan, BUT YOU GUYS NEED TO KNOW, Not only did they add a bunch of things I didn't say, they completely flipped my words. And all I was saying was that shit was funny....what dicks! NOW YOU KNOW NOT TO BELIEVE THE STUPID SHIT IN THEIR HATE MAILS...They are fucking liars, and tell me that shirt wouldnt be funny. Whatever, cuntbags!

Bethany 01/22/08 8:24 pm

this person is a dumb-fuck, i would never wear a shirt with nigger or dog the bounty hunter on it...gay hole...

Debra 01/22/08 8:51 pm

Mikey-Mike is a dumb fuck. You have no fucking idea how much effort these people put into their newsletters, and you just claim random ass responsibility for the email that sounds like it was written by a person locked in a room with a thousand, retarded midgets for three fucking years. If I were the actual author, which I'm not(something me and the fag named above have in common) I wouldn't touch claiming ownership of this with a ten foot pole.

Cujo 01/22/08 9:17 pm

They did the same thing to me with a mail I sent. Added a bunch of things I didn't say just to make me look stupid. I can see Dog, rocking his chain "I'm bringing nigger back" LOL

Mikey Mike 01/22/08 9:20 pm

Debra and Bethany, You're both dumb whores. I said nothing about "a claim" I didn't say half of the shit they said I did. All I said was "you're fucking stupid for not using my idea...fuck you...and your mother" I was just fucking around, but they added a whole assload of stuff I never said..Fucking idiots.

Dwight 01/22/08 9:41 pm

I'm sure they do add things to make a email funnier. who cares tho? its still funny. However in this case, where did Star Wars and things come into play? I think they really didn't have a come back for him/her, that was the best they could think of? For the record, kudos for a funny shirt idea. I think it was great

Rob B. 01/22/08 10:16 pm

Holy shitfuck, the guy seemed mad. But that IS a funny shirt idea.

w/e 01/22/08 10:42 pm

That shirt really isn't that funny. Dog the bounty hunter? Lame.
I seriously doubt the author of the newsletter would misrepresent a letter sent in by some idiot.

Sue 01/22/08 11:15 pm

how is that shirt funny?... wtf would you were a shirt of some ugly as dude saying something that you would never daresay in the 1st place??.... like really only idiots would like that idea, yes all of you who like it are idiots.

yfro12@aol.com 01/22/08 11:47 pm

I don't care what anyone says. That shirt is fucking funny. Also, they do misrepresent emails. Same thing happened to me with a mail about a t-shirt idea. They made up stuff I never said to make themselves look better. It's all for entertainment though, so who cares? FYI, I would definitely buy that shirt, it would piss tons of people off. Black/White or The damn spaniards. Overall funny. That Mikey Mike guy (if he really wrote the email) I think should have gotten something. Let's admit it, T-Shirt Hell sucks some major balls sometimes with shirts a lot less funny.

So You Say 01/23/08 1:45 am

Sue... I think you're borderline retarded... or maybe a full on retard. Most of the shirts sold on here people wouldn't normally dare say, that's what makes it funny. Moron!

SpazMonkey 01/23/08 8:39 am

Heh.
I'd wear a shirt taking the piss out of niggers, but there is no way in hell I'd wear one with a nigger on it.
"I'm bringing nigger back" as taken from the Justin Timberlake song...Well, to me it sounds as though you're saying it's a good thing.
Niggers coming back is never a good thing.

Your idea sucks.

Also, if you want it so bad, make it your fucking self, I'm sure with the 10's of thousands of people on your site who would buy it, you'll make your money back.

So what's the problem?
You were rejected? Ignored? Awww...Suck it up princess and stop being such a baby.
You got the attention now, even if it has been exaggerated, which was probably necessary, because you just aren't funny. Enjoy.

John Byron Echandia 01/23/08 10:03 am

who the fuck is dog the bounty hunter?

Nom 01/23/08 11:19 am

I'd have a problem if I sent in an email, and they changed it for 'entertainment' purposes. I wonder if they list that in their 'Terms and Conditions'.

As it stands, I probably won't be back anytime soon. It was one thing to read a scathing retort to a dumbass email, it's another to change it so your retort fits.

/outie

Iman Azol 01/23/08 2:49 pm

Dog's a phag, Mikey Mike is a phag, and it would be worth it for T Shirt Hell to stop producing every shirt he likes until he kills himself.

PS: Mikey: nice job with the sock puppets. Do you actually have a friend?

Pete M. 01/23/08 2:56 pm

T-shirt hell really should have made that shirt. Certainly better than some of their recent shitty stuff. I say it was a good idea. I think by "I'm bringing Nigger back" he was saying "no one says it anymore cause its taboo" SpazMonkey you're a moron

Kerfuffle 01/23/08 3:26 pm

Mikey Mike, you are the definition of your email subject - "tens of hundreds of people agree". Now stop wasting my god damn time defending your little period posting and go gather your clan of helmet headed turd eaters to finger paint purdy pictures on some of your mom's old wife beaters to prove you aren’t a liar as well as a complete dumb fuck.

Mikey Mike 01/23/08 3:32 pm

I'm not going to bother posting a comment again cause NOONE FUCKING LISTENS. All I am saying is THEY MADE UP MOST OF MY EMAIL. I never said shit about "filing a claim" (what purpose would that even serve..that's just ridiculous) I ALSO NEVER SAID A SINGLE THING ABOUT "Selling it myself on my own site" I DONT OWN A FUCKING WEBSITE (nor do I have the means to make t-shirts or even have a clue how to press them, etc..) I don't care who thinks the idea was funny or not. They just distorted what I said and I think it's fucked up. So comments about "what I said"..scracth em, cause I didnt...I fuckin dare them to post my original email. THE REAL ONE..it'll just show their douchebags..FUCK T-SHIRT HELL IN THE ASS. LYING FUCKS

Mikey Mike 01/23/08 4:04 pm

UN-EDITED-ORIGINAL EMAIL- Hey dude, I just want to tell you guys I submitted a shirt idea of Dog the Bounty Hunter saying "I'm bringing nigger back" and think it's shitty I got no response. I haven't seen a funny shirt in a while from you guys. Maybe it's not the best Idea but I think plenty of people would think it's funny. Instead you accept submissions of fucking stupid shit. Either that or ideas you're dumb fucking employees came up with. So realize that you're a dumb fuck. Put me on your fucking newsletter. Some of your shirts... granted are funny, but some of the recent shit is just BAD. My suggestion if you want some t-shirts people will buy? Use some of your user's submissions that are actually helpful to your company as opposed to this gay fucking shit you're putting up on your website. (That was the end of my REAL - so believe what you want - I'm out - Mikey Mike)

Gregor 01/23/08 11:00 pm

A better slogan for the t shirt wouldve been "I'm bringing THE nigger back", seeing as Dog is a bounty hunter & all blacks are criminals + i'd buy a gay t shirt if it offended the jews & muslims!! Have fun Fuckers!!! Greg, South Australia

pimo6912@hotmail.com 01/23/08 11:34 pm

Im with Mikey Mike. The shirt idea rocked and if they fucked with his email, thats bullshit. Go Mikey Mike. Start your own site with all the user submissions from T-shirt hell. Fight the man!

ben 01/24/08 3:39 am

Yep... that's officially it for me and T Shirt hell.

You guys alter people's emails? Seriously? That's so ...lame.

Mikey's a Liar 01/24/08 4:07 am

Clearly Mikey Mike is lying. In one post (01/22/08 9:20 pm) he says:
'All I said was "you're fucking stupid for not using my idea...fuck you...and your mother"
But then later when he supposedly posts the "UNEDITED-ORIGINAL EMAIL" that sentence is not even contained within it. Liar liar pants on fire I say.

Mikey Mikey 01/24/08 11:40 am

I figured SOME douche would point that out. I meant that was the end of the email itself with my complaint...(The fuck you, your mother blah blah blah shit was my "signage"...with a comma after it LOL, followed by my name..Mikey Mike..."Mikey Mike is a liar" or whoever the fuck that guy was probably works for T-shirt hell HAHAA...I am actually enjoying people finding out the truth about the shit heads at T-shirt Hell. I wonder how long til' they take my posts down.

KiTTiE 01/24/08 2:42 pm

I agree with them not picking your shirt, and no I never submitted one and no they haven't picked one of mine, I wouldn't put that on a shirt, just because i had the choice and i don't have to look at your face when i say "Hell no, thats the stupidest thing I've ever seen!"
I'm a BITCH and I approve this message.

anonymous 01/24/08 3:30 pm

I have to agree that Mikey's probably a liar, just from the inconsistencies in his posts. It's nice that he tries so hard to make his story work, but I just ain't buying it. Especially given the fact that T-shirt Hell didn't even mock the "I'm having somebody make a claim" statement, so there would be no point in adding it to the email. I seriously doubt they tampered with it. "Mikey" is either some tool trying to get publicity/sympathy for an email he didn't even write, or the dumbass original author trying to make himself sound less retarded. Very sad.

Jimmy the Narc 01/24/08 5:02 pm

yeah, mikey's full of shit. the fact that he's posted 4 or 5 times just to prove his point speaks for itself. and if he's so pissed why would he keep coming back to check it out. it would be one thing to say "Fuck off" and then go away, but he keeps coming back to make it seem like he's "fighting the man". it's sad. as far as the shirt goes, it fucking sucks. it's a lame joke and he's trying to be edgy for the sake of being edgy. you can all claim you like the idea, but how many of you would buy that retarded shit and actually wear it.

Brian 01/24/08 5:23 pm

That shit's funny. I would buy it. People saying its not, cmon. People are just commenting just to comment. Whether Mikey is real or not, I give the shirt cred.

Poppycock 01/24/08 5:36 pm

I wouldnt wear this shirt because of the racial slur on the front because its to forward. I like this site for the shirts that REFERENCE Racism. Having a shirt that says nigger takes away the funny to the shirt and leaves nothing for the imagination.

Peepee Face 01/24/08 6:00 pm

Great shirt idea! About being too forward? Just cause it says (ohhh my, dare I say it..."nigger") It's funny and NOT the only shirt that has the "N Word if that makes you feel better on the site. I'm rambling. All in all, good shirt idea.

BIG DAWG 01/24/08 6:06 pm

So KITTIE said "No I havent submitted one, and no they haven't picked one of mine" Umm, make sense? Me no think it do. Me not shore do! I cuntfused. If I could slap you for being such a dumb bitch through the computer I would. You should have ended with I'm a dumb cunt and I approve this message.

Laura 01/24/08 7:29 pm

I don't know what to believe. It kinda seems like Mikey Mike is telling the truth. If you didn't really write the email why would you claim it was yours? What purpose would that serve? He had to have known that he was going to get shit for saying T-Shirt Hell added things. I'm inclined to believe him. He clearly has better grammar than in the email and what he claims is his original email makes a lot more sense and is somewhat like the first one. I think it kinda sucks if T-Shirt Hell does add stuff. Part of the fun of the newsletter is being shocked by how stupid people can be, and then reading a witty response. If it's all made up then it kinda takes some of the fun out of it. Do they really need to do that though? Are the emails they receive too coherent and well-written? I'd like to think that only unintelligent people take the time to write hate mail to them, but maybe I'm wrong. After all, it did happen once before.

matt 01/24/08 9:06 pm

'im bringing nigger' back is a rip off of clerks 2 btw.

Geinbits 01/24/08 10:34 pm

"im bringing nigger back" is a rip off of clerks 2 btw

Dog the Bounty Hunter 01/24/08 11:07 pm

Clerks 2 was "Porch Monkeys" you cocknoses. And for the record I want to contact Mikey Mike to help me raise money to bring my career back. I love the shirt and will wear it in Harlem for its debut

omar z 01/25/08 8:43 am

im wondering if tarik will like this idea better....hahahah this is maaad funny......lol im bringing nigger back.....

AmyM 01/26/08 1:53 am

I Don't Know About This Guy..Seems Kinda Stupid..All I Know Is Tshirt Hell Fucking Kicks Ass...Even Without Using One Persons Idea..Some People Need To Get A Life And Stop Trying To Find Stupid Things To Complain About..Seriously.

Weez 01/26/08 7:34 pm

Okay, 3 points:
1) I didn't know that Dog the Bounty Hunter was still relevant material. I thought he died? hmm....maybe it was just his career.

2) since when is "I'm bringing nigger back." funny? The word "nigger" certainly doesn't need brought back, has anyone heard a hip-hop song recently? seriously...

3) Mikey Mike, I too call bullshit. Your posts are inconsistent, your claim "I'm not going to bother posting a comment again..." turned out to be bullshit, and last but not least; I have posted something north of 30 t-shirt ideas and written numerous e-mails, and I've never had any problems like the ones you describe.

Eric 01/29/08 12:57 pm

I'm black, and even I think that the shirt is funny

FuckDaPolice 01/29/08 1:13 pm

Ok, let me get this out of the way..Fuck Whitie!

Ok, now, AmyM, How The Fuck Slow Do You Write When You Capitalize Every Fucking Word In Every Fucking Sentence?!?! What The Fuck???

James 01/30/08 1:09 pm

Incredibly fucking funny shirt. I wonder why they wouldn't have made it? If they really did mess around with what Mikey Mike said in his email I do think that's fucked up. I'm a fan of the newsletter, but changing people's email to make it more entertaining? I just think that's a little shallow especially since more than just Mike said it. Makes you wonder. Oh well. T-Shirt Hell still rocks, but bad decision to not make the shirt. Oh and to the guy who posted above me, I think you and the guy before you are the only two negros that can actually read, so good for you!

David 01/31/08 3:18 pm

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I DONT CARE WHAT ANYBODY THINKS. DAT SHIT IS FUCKIN FUNNY AS FUCK! TSHIRT HELL SUCKS DICK IF THEY REALLY DID FUCK WIT HIM

-----Original Submission-----

From: Jen T.
Sent: Sunday, January 20, 2008

Hi. I submitted an idea and hope you use it. I then looked at the rest of your shirts and was frightened by the tighter than a fifth grader. Mom of two young girls - that is pure evil. Please. That's volitile. I can't take my idea back but when I first read the other one I wish I hadn't sent it.

Do no harm. My idea was more funny racist in a can't we all get along kind of way. Thank you. Health Wealth and Happiness. If I do win ten t shirts....I like the white flour one but the cuter one not the hailing dough boy. Thanks!!!!

Editor's Note: What kind of alternate version of that shirt have you concocted in your head? I can assure that there is only one and the Doughboy is in fact doing the Nazi salute in it. There isn't some variation where he's petting a kitty or scrapbooking.

In any case, you don't need to worry about it. You haven't won and you never will. In shirt submission contests or in life. I don't even need to recall which idea was yours. This email tells me everything I need to know. Namely that you're an adult who was frightened by a joke on a t-shirt.

Anyway, tell me more about your two young girls. Do they play any sports? What are their hobbies? How many fingers can they take? But seriously, I love the video your girls made. And tell them I want my cup back. They don't need to wash it.

Comments (17) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Carrie 01/22/08 6:47 pm

Did the two girls share the cup? That's NASTY! THE GERMS!

Megan 01/22/08 7:22 pm

oh, they definitely shared the cup... but germs are the last thing you should be worried about!

eighth-1der 01/22/08 8:56 pm

I always thought tighter than a 5th grader was a torque setting. Seriously, it's right here on the side of my Craftsman wrench; "1) Tight. 2) Tighter. 3) Tighter than a 5th Grader. 4) Tighter than frog pussy (and that shit's water-tight)." But if that lady is seeing another version of the White Flour shirt, then she and her girls should come oveer and we can all smoke that.

bugsike 01/22/08 9:40 pm

What about nun pussy? My wrench has nun pussy at the end - I never saw frog pussy - that must be metric or whatever the french use over there. O)h wait, they don't use wrenches in france because they're too busy surrendering with both arms in the air, which is wht france stinks.

Spanky 01/23/08 11:33 am

You said, "We have 24-hour news channels, newspapers, blogs, and magazines getting reactions to every mundane story." Would that list of sources include on-line t-shirt salesmen ? Just curious.

Iman Azol 01/23/08 2:52 pm

But is it tighter than a fifth grade midget nun with a smoked boneless ham shoved up her snatch?

Jack N. Hoff 01/23/08 7:56 pm

That wouldn't be very tight then, would it Iman...

BoredPerv 01/24/08 11:08 am

LMFAO. You people are so lame, wasting your time commenting about comments. Oh, crap...I guess I got caught up in it as well.

Jay 01/24/08 2:26 pm

" But seriously, I love the video your girls made. And tell them I want my cup back. They don't need to wash it." That was in fact a great video. But fuck youtube reactions. Actually watching the guy next to you gag and vomit is so much more entertaining.

OOOOOOHHHHH SNAP 01/24/08 4:47 pm

Can i burrow the cup after your done with it?

God 01/24/08 7:20 pm

Get those 2 girls that shirt that says, "The Real Shocker". Then, you wouldn't need to know how many fingers they take, just shove the whole thing in...

Påsktomten 01/25/08 10:59 am

Man, your pure evil... I love it ! keep it up :D and send that video please

Firokyoko 01/26/08 4:09 pm

That reference was godly. You really should put that reference on a shirt if you haven't already. Picture of a dirty cup. with the text,"I want my cup back. They don't need to wash it."

Crystal 01/26/08 5:49 pm

dont forget about 4 girls fingerpainting

Drunkle Chimo 01/26/08 11:32 pm

ahh... to be back on the forum. i know i've been absent for a while but its good to be back. this is the only post im making this month. i chose this one because its about time the internet comes full circle, what with the reference to 2girls1cup and all.. because we all know that the people who saw that are the people who post here, the people who.. well, we all get it. but most importantly, id like to thank our fearless leader for name-dropping that one so subtlely. she's so clever. if only.. if only i could have one night alone with her. ahh.. but it is to be only a faded dream and a sticky keyboard. however, for all you pathetic twats out there who really think its worth writing in about how your idea didnt get chosen, refer to the genius spewing in the above email... do one thing: get a fork, heat it over a gas stove, when its hot, stab it into your throat, twist, remove, and consume. its too easy to read the page of submission where it says that your idea might not get chosen. its only because, your idea wasn't good enough to wipe the cup clean. get back to figuring out how to video record your neighbor's 8 year old in the bathroom and quit wasting space on this site. if you need money, and i've said it before, show some effort and just beat up old ladies like the rest of us do. until next time friends, Drunkle Chimo signing off.

right nut liberal 01/27/08 2:13 pm

I've just got one thing to say
2 GIRLS 1 CUP

FuckDaPolice 01/29/08 1:24 pm

"Do no harm."??? But I just sent in some cracker assed racist t-shirt ideas and if I win, I want the racist, white power shirt...WTF?

Dear Black Jesus,
Please Lord in Black Heaven kill all these cracker-assed-cracker motherfuckers (except the bitches, I can turn them around).

Damn you white mf's are dumb!

[You Don't Have to Go Home, But You Can't Stay in My Mouth]

The good die young. If my crossbow has anything to say about it.

Peace