02/03/03

Ok...let's get right to some BRAND NEW shirts...

All of our shirts can be seen here: http://www.tshirthell.com/htm

This one is for Democrats:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=203

This one is for Mr. Drummond:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=202

This one is for underage, aspiring musicians
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=193

This one is for only those capable of taking a joke...seriously:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=199

This one is for my little sister:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=204

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We've been getting tons of hate mail these days and are very
happy about it. You see, receiving hate mail is a sign of masculinity
and actually helps to increase penis size. We're hoping for more
hate mail so that we can develop the biggest penis in the world (we
all share one penis, collectively). Wish us luck, as we've heard that
chicks dig guys with 1247 mile long penises.

Here are some random fan letters from the previous month:

----- Original Message -----
From: "Keith RoxHarder" <roxh*****@hotmail.com>
Sent: Friday, January 24, 2003 12:27 AM
Subject: Banner Contest Submission

> you represent everything that is wrong with the world now,
> if your mom wouldnt have had the neighbors german shepards
> knot hung in her ass all the time and paid a little more attention
> to you when you were growing up, or when you were in your room
> crying cause you only had one friend and he was the kid who ate his
> own boogers, if she would have only came in to give you a hug, but
> she was over at the drug dealers house sucking his dick for her next
> fix of meth or coke.
> please do the world a favor, cut the cord off of your computer, strip
> the wires, stick one end in your mouth and the other one in your ass
> and PLUG IT IN.

----- Original Message -----
From: datadiskmodem
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2003 6:19 AM
Subject: Do people buy your shirts?

hah, how much money can you lose before giving up?

----- Original Message -----
From: mike g
Sent: Thursday, January 23, 2003 7:25 PM
Subject: well how about you put this on a shirt and wear it.

well how about you put this on a shirt and wear it.
fudge pack'n, date lick'n, c*ck nibble'n, scr*tum suck'n, *ss invade'n,
d*ldo mount'n, c*m swallow'n, ball bang'n, foreskin fondle'n, knob
jockey bandit

it would be very becoming.
Mike Goldman

----- Original Message -----
From: Mart' J
To: T-Shirt Hell
Sent: Wednesday, February 12, 2003 8:47 AM
Subject: Re: question

Hey jackoffs you are about to get fucked royally when we launch our
new tshirt buisiness. Watch out niggers...

----- Original Message -----
From: Monte Cooper
To: info@tshirthell.com
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 10:43 PM
Subject: Banner Contest Submission

fuck u ass holes. great white fucking kicks ass. u fuckers have never
probley heard a great white song in your fucking lives have u? GREAT
WHITE KICKS ASS U NIGGER LUVING MUSIC FUCKS!!!!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Let me use this forum to share my thoughts on a few subjects and to
alienate many of you (as daily alienation also increases penis size).

1. *Fake tits*

Fake tits are fucking disgusting and any man that enjoys looking or
touching a woman with fake tits is living a warped, confused life.

Do you guys find this attractive? If you do...then you need serious help.
Oh yeah...I love to look at nasty, scarred, cancer promoting, hard as
rock silicon messes. Give me a smaller, REAL set...and a nice ass and
I am a happy little boy.

Now let's talk about the insecurity issue. You got all these woman running
around thinking they have to get bigger sucklings. So they deform
themselves, bruise themselves and go against the forces of nature and get
the operation. They think this massacre will give them the confidence they
need to feel good about themselves. In reality, having bigger mangos will
only increase the number of sleezeballs who look at these women and
think..."I want to squeeze those cancer balloons and fuck the shit out of
her!". That's real respect...huh? Plus, wait till she realizes that there's
no more sensation in the spots that count.

I believe making a woman feel like she needs to ruin her body by installing
something into her chest is probably one of the most malicious things you
can do to someone (aside from making t-shirts that parody world
tragedies). In fact, after murder then rape...telling a girl that she could
use a little un-natural enhancement is probably the harshest thing you could
do.

Besides...they're fucking ugly anyway. Do you really like fake breasts?

2. *Andrew Wk*

Who the fuck gave this idiot a record contract? Seriously...this music
sounds like fucking 3 minute radio beer commercials. People who enjoy
this shit are probably the whitest trash we could ever encounter (and
coincidentally, 95% of our clientele...I ain't gonna lie).

Personally, I'd rather enjoy the soothing sounds of Loverboy, Asia and
White Lion.

3. *Giraffe Fucking*

Have you ever fucked a giraffe? I have...and let me tell you it was
amazing.

I always found giraffes attractive in a sexual sense. I never cared to
concern myself much with their personality or level of intelligence. I
wasn't interested in making good conversation with a giraffe...I just
wanted to fuck a giraffe, simple as that.

So one day in the summer of '86 when I couldn't take the inner suffering and
abstinence any longer, I took the advice of one of my good friends and went
to see this guy Joe. Joe knew quite a few giraffes from around the way and
promised to set me up with a 32 footer from northern Zimbabwe. As you
probably can guess, I grew very excited with thoughts of the actual
culmination of me fucking a giraffe. So I went to meet Jamonda.

Jamonda was beautiful. The most beautiful giraffe I had ever seen. I had
to have her right away. We went to a tree in a far off location and I began
my journey inside a giraffe.

After about an hour of sensual kissing and licking, Jamonda gave me head.
It was very good head...the kind of head...well, the kind of head a giraffe
would give. Soon after that, it was time.

I laid Jamonda up (giraffe's fuck standing up) and began to slowly dry hump
her. Soon she whispered in my ear something in giraffe...that I knew
meant.."put it inside". The moment had arrived.. the moment I had waited
for ever since I was a 6 year old school boy watching National Geographic,
on video, in my room, under my blanket. I maneuvered it in....

Boy let me tell you what a disappointment! I don't know, maybe it's just me
or something but that giraffe's pussy was incredibly large. What the
fuck...no one said anything about THAT.

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Until next time...keep your mouth shut and your ass open.