The Early February Thing

Hot, then fat, then rich, then dead.Forgive me if I seem a little out of sorts. I've just had a hard time dealing with the passing of a true American icon. I am speaking, of course, about Dignity. Dignity lived a long and full life, but once Anna Nicole Smith died and the entire nation stopped to mourn her passing and pick over the details of her life, it was evident that Dignity suffered a tragic death. RIP, Dignity. We'll miss you.

And let's not forget the woman (whore) herself. Goodbye, Anna. You truly lived your life like a candle in the wind. A bloated, embarrassing candle that married a rich old guy, gained a bunch of weight, lost a bunch of weight, killed its son, gave birth to a daughter that could be fathered by any white man in North America, and OD'd.

She always strived to live her life like Marilyn Monroe, but she failed in death. Because JFK had Marilyn Monroe killed, whereas Anna Nicole Smith was killed by collective human will.

But let's not mourn Anna's death. Let's celebrate her life and focus on the positive. For one thing, her death proves that it is possible to OD on pathetic and shame. And on a personal note, it has really helped my spiritual life. I mean, you stop believing in the power of prayer and then something like this happens. And I remain convinced that somewhere in the world, a retarded horse has just been born to keep the cosmic balance.

Besides, we'll always have Pamela Anderson. You know...until she dies from Hep C.


Do you like to draw? Are you a skilled artist? Here's a chance for all of you creative types to show your stuff and win $1000 in cash and other cool prizes.

Look genius, a torso!We are looking to create Torsoless Ted. He's a character who has no torso. If you don't know what a torso is you're probably too stupid to win this contest. On the other hand, you're probably so stupid that if you do win we could pay you in Monopoly money. So to clarify, your torso is the trunk of your body. Ted only has a head, arms, and everything from the waist down.

Because of this, Ted can't wear t-shirts and that makes him really, really angry.

What does Ted look like? We do have a couple of thoughts. You can feel free to ignore them, and not win. He is not a little devil or a demon. Somehow, his head and arms are connected to his waist: they aren't floating in midair. Don’t make Ted a hardcore badass, he’s more of a lovable little douchebag. That's all we have to say on the subject. Basically it's up to you. So, go draw us a picture of Ted, the pissed off little guy with no torso who can't wear t-shirts.

It's more important to have the best concept, than to be the best artist. Picasso entered our last contest and he came in third. Click here to email your entry. Attach your entry as a jpeg or gif, and keep the picture under 200 kb, and no larger than 400 x 400 px. Larger entries will not be considered. The winner will be announced on March 5th.


New Shirts

In addition to our usual array of shirts that steal the souls of African Bushmen, we've also added two shirts as a glowing tribute to the late (but not late enough) Anna Nicole Smith. That's right, two shirts. One for each part of her that had any value. Her left boob and her right vagina.

All of our new shirts are here:


it's still funnier than an adam sandler movie

We are more than halfway through Black History Month (no, seriously) and if you're anything like me, you've hardly even noticed. It seems like with each passing year, Black History Month (or BHM, as I just now started calling it) gets less and less attention. But I don't blame the White Devil or even his cousin, Black Apathy. I blame the month itself.

Cause everything you eat gots FLAVOR.Let's face it. BHM is boring. The only thing more surprising than this month being forgotten is that it got any attention in the first place. I mean, I happen to be black and I'm bored to tears by this month.

I'm here to say it doesn't have to be that way. BHM can be great if we just put a little effort into it. But it's not going to happen if we just stand by and do nothing. That's why I have some suggestions to lift this event from obscurity and raise it up to the glorious heights of Arbor Day or, with any luck, Colombus Day. So, if you'll indulge me (in the ass), I have some suggestions that will help us take this month from "Black" to "Black-tacular!"

First of all, that name has to go. I would say "Black History Month" was once suitable, but the truth is that it's always been a bad name. Few things are more off-putting than the word history. And few things are scarier or more dangerous than the word black. I propose a name that is more reflective of what the month actually represents. Some suggestions are White Guilt Month, Waste of Time Month and Empty Gesture Month.

Back off, whitey.Another thing we can do is change how long we celebrate it. Recognizing black accomplishments for an entire month probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but once it actually rolled around, I'm sure whoever decided on that regretted it. A month is too long to focus on any one thing. Especially those people. I don't think we should shorten the amount of time, just break it up. Since February represents one twelfth of the year (more or less), how about if we have Black History Day every twelve days? Or Black History Second every twelve seconds? Think about it.

A big problem with BHM is the lack of festivities and celebration. I know that's not really the point, but if you want your event to be memorable, you've got to throw some color(ed)s around. Why do you think people remember Easter? It's not because Jesus discovered electricity on that day. It's because of all the brightly colored eggs and bunnies. So I suggest some fun BHM staples. These may sound strange, but I'm sure the Christmas tree didn't sound like a stroke of genius when it was pitched.

StethomascopeMy first idea is the BHM Stethoscope. Christmas has its mistletoe, well now BHM has its stethoscope. You simply hang a stethoscope above your doorway during February, and anyone who enters your house that month gets violently sodomized. My second idea is the BHM Sausage Toss. This isn't that dissimilar from caroling, only instead of singing you just throw a bunch of sausages at strangers' homes. My final BHM festivity is the Fat Kid Roll. Every Wednesday morning in February, you simply find and kidnap the closest fat child in your neighborhood and roll him in a mixture of vanilla pudding and pickle juice.

It's about time for me to wrap this up, but I'd like to mention a few more ideas before I go.

George Washington Carver#1 - Don't just focus on history during this month. Why not have children learn about Black Algebra, Black Geography and Black English? (Note - Black English is better known as Ebonics or unintelligible.)

#2 - To make sure we avoid discussing the same old stuff repeatedly and to help us talk about a broader range of topics, the following terms may no longer be mentioned during BHM. Harriet Tubman, Underground Railroad, Rosa Parks, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, peanut butter, Jackie Robinson, the guy that played Urkel, and Tony Hawk.

#3 - For February only, black people get to enslave white people. But white people still get to hire Mexicans to do their work.

Don't fuck with Globetrotters.#4 - Black people get the entire month off. I think we can go that long without basketball and rap. And my doctor can make his own crack for once, damn it.

#5 - Everyone that appears in a movie or TV show during the month of February has to wear blackface. And that includes black people.

I guess that's about it. Enjoy the rest of Black History Month. And hang in there, brothers and sisters. If we keep fighting the good fight, they'll eventually change that law that says we're three fifths of a person. What? They've already done that? Jesus, I really need to pay closer attention.

Comments (52) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Adam  02/20/07 12:05 am
You are awesome period.

Danica  02/20/07 1:30 am
Man, why is there only a Black History Month? Shouldn't there be Asian History Month, or Spic or...not white...that's every month...

Brett  02/20/07 4:09 am
Why should there be an Asian history month? Asians can't even drive, let alone have their own month. The only reason blacks have their own month is because we enslaved them and this is their retribution. Asians just decided since they are overpopulated that storming into California would be a good idea. Fuck you and your idea...

Brent Elskan  02/20/07 9:19 am
I had another idea for Empty Gesture Month: let's have Fox air some old episodes of Different Strokes with commentary and hosting by Tiger Woods. That would pretty much sum up the whole thing for me.

Robert  02/20/07 9:21 am
I was completely unaware there was a BHM. In my local bar (Portsmouth, England) we have MBW (Muslim Bashing Week) and BTNOID (Burn The Necks Of Immigrants Day), but this BHM is completely new to us. Cant see where you can use random acts of voilence in this month though, so I think i'll continue to ignore this joyless month.

Greg  02/20/07 12:13 pm
There's a typo up top. Anna Nicole's baby is a girl, not a boy.

Entropy666  02/20/07 1:04 pm
We should just remember them for the individual accomplishments they were known for, as opposed to wasting an entire month pretending to adhere to the relevancy of their race. I mean, after all...what all have they done? Strenuous and boring research aside, I remember that one of them were responsible for the eventual creation of peanut butter...a highly viscous sludge that pastes itself to every cranny of your teeth while attempting to ingest. No thanks, I don't need to remember that for an entire month...I have a hard time forgetting after I choke down a sandwich.

Gail  02/20/07 1:04 pm
Hey Brett, sorry to contradict you, but we did enslave Asians. We forced the Chinese to build our railroads for us. Their living conditions were probably even worse than what most black slaves had. Just a clarification.

SenatorWhiteyPants  02/20/07 2:50 pm
Black people invented peanut butter... so that means black people gave my daughter salmonella right?

AC  02/20/07 5:41 pm
Fuck Asians...I don't remember them being kidnapped from their country and sold like cattle. Besides it's the shortest month of the year so you technically fucked black people again.

Dingo  02/20/07 5:55 pm
Actually there have been asian slaves before. There have been slaves of every color in almost all places. Slavery wasn't just a white thing in the colonial days. Do some research on Serfdom. The greeks and romans owned slaves, and the slaves were white. So technically white people owe other white people their own history month.

jason  02/20/07 9:20 pm
True dat, Dingo.

AL  02/21/07 1:19 am
I saw an awesome period once. It had shiny metal flakes in it, kinda like Goldschlager. Didn't smell very good though.

AsianGuy  02/21/07 8:32 am
I vote away with the month. I don't know any black people who can trace themselves back to slavery(nor do they really care). Nothings worse than a month dedicated to apathy.

Teresa  02/21/07 9:17 am
I think you have came up with GREAT ideas, why are they not in place. Hell with ideas like these maybe YOU should run for the next President of these good old United States! At least nobody will wonder what side of an issue you stand on, only a dumbass couldn't figure that out. Oh right, we are run by a BUNCH of dumbasses. Hell, throw your hat into the running I'll vote for you!!

my marine supports me  02/21/07 11:03 am
I don't support the fuckin troops but the troops support me and Im loving know why...cause all the crackers, and chicken eating, watermelon smothering africans are all working to kick out mexicans and at the ends we MEXICANS are going to take over ready to see the mexican flag waving over ya'lls stupid ass heads

Encyclopædia Dramatica  02/21/07 11:46 am
Now Anna Nicole Smith can marry God, I bet he's LOADED.

United Terrorists Month (September)  02/21/07 11:57 am
How about a month for the terrorists who are going down in history?

September would be HUGE in the East!

Kupkaix  02/21/07 1:12 pm
I think we should celebrate the more interesting items in Black History, like vaginal mutilation and cannibalism. We should all boil a missionary every February.

Alex  02/21/07 2:04 pm
It's actually just a widely propogated myth that George Washington Carver invented peanut butter. He did a lot with peanuts, but black people can't take credit for that one.

michelle fenlin  02/21/07 2:23 pm
This Ted contest makes me wish I had the motivation to draw, I can't wait to see the entires, seriously, you guys are the sickest sample of genious...


I'm in bat country  02/21/07 3:15 pm
I was reading through your column, when I came upon that Anna Nicole's baby was a boy, and I thought to myself 'no that's not right, the baby is a girl' then i got all depressed when I realised that I knew that particular piece of useless information. Then I started thinking, should I leave a comment to tell the writer they are wrong? but then I thought to myself 'wait a minute, you've seen the replies to the emails that are sent in and this person is vicious, and probably wrote that on purpose, so that some lame idiot would post about the mistake and the writer could go, hahahaha leave the house once in a while asshole'. But then i saw that some lame idiot named Greg had already pointed it out, so i was off the hook.

Yersi  02/21/07 3:41 pm
If I heard correctly in some History class, the colonists and early American slave traders bought some blacks from blacks in Africa. It seems that slavery was the result of being the losing tribe in their wars. How come nobody mentions that guy in Black History Month? "Hey, remember Nimtumba? He sold your great great great grandfather to a white guy for a sack of flour and maybe some spices from the far east."

Or, I could be wrong.

Clark  02/21/07 4:56 pm
I'll "indulge you in the ass" any time. Just get back at me.

Joe Trevino  02/21/07 6:29 pm
I LOVE your take on Black History Month. You guys rock! I wish I could afford to buy all your shirts! Hey, how about a buy one, get all the others free sale?

Mr. V  02/21/07 6:54 pm
Brilliant... Simply Brilliant...

KiKi  02/21/07 7:57 pm
I like black history month it is cool. It would be nice for all of the minorities to have a month, but hey i'm black and we got our month.....

Derrr...Heart Attack!  02/21/07 9:25 pm
Black History Month, huh? Where to even start? First off, how fucking pretentious is that, that black people feel the need to have their own month in which to remember their so called, “history”. I mean, white people are accused of racism and separatism, but technically, isn’t “Black History” part of history in general? So right off you’re actually guilty of separating humanity, attempting to make your race special somehow, as though that was fuckin’ possible. This is a recurring theme with you guys. So it’s a white mans’ world, so you’re second class citizens, so 3/4ths of you are in jail. You do it to yourself. A good example is this Color of the Cross film, with a black Jesus. Jesus wasn’t black. Jesus wasn’t white. If Jesus was real at all, something I’m extraordinarily skeptical of, he was a dirty Arab Jew. How many dirty Arabic Jews do you know who are black?

Alexandria  02/21/07 9:29 pm
That shit is so funny, you deserve an award for being a genius.

Wenderama  02/21/07 9:30 pm
Ok...seriously people...she wasn't wrong about the sex of the says "killed its son, gave birth to a daughter"...maybe they have all forgotten about poor O-D-Daniel?

Jessica  02/21/07 10:26 pm
Hang on. If some people can get away with denying the halocaust, because apparently all of Germany was on vacation, then I deny slavery! It never happened! Dont bring that blasphemy around here!

...any other takers?

Jessica  02/21/07 11:15 pm
Along with denying the halocaust, many deny the holocaust as well. Hahaha, that was for all you grammar/spelling nazis out there. ;)

DP  02/22/07 12:49 am
i like black history month, peanut butter, and slavery. i for one appreciate a month devoted to the creation of peanut butter. without it where would our jelly be? just as unknown and hated as the snake berries. thank you peanut butter for making a completely different sandwhich possible. i salute you.

amy  02/22/07 4:26 am
i love your site!!! u rock!

rev. david  02/22/07 8:58 am
i enjoy black history month because it makes me feel like i am better than blacks by eleven months. but i'm white, so forgive that of me. seriously, to all the "haters" out there, lay off the blacks. national sports leagues, rap music industry, and civil rights organizations need them to thrive and make folks feel bad for not being black. and it works. i wish i were black so i could sit around and bitch about the 1800's, support local crime freely, and get a reparations check and all the while sit on my ass not doing anything because there is always a mexican that will do it.

Bob  02/22/07 12:21 pm
Danica: why should there be an asian history month?? so we can watch all the asians get pissed off at the very mention of their crowning achievement? besides the railroad being an outdated method of transport, it's bulky and too restrictive, not to mention spooky every time you go into a tunnel you know was blasted by a bunch of dead people.
What is so special about the contributions to society of one race over the next?? nothing, separatist recognition is bullshit.

Carley  02/22/07 12:55 pm
How bout a month or two for the native americans (do they even want to be called that?)? They were here long before any whites, blacks, asians, and/or latinos either unwillingly or willingly came here. The government STILL owes them land and monies and ain't made good yet. Yeah, that's our good 'ol USA! Ain't we proud.

Stacey  02/22/07 5:34 pm
Wait does this mean that while black people are enslaving white people us crackers can just hire mexicans to take our place?

Mr. Bigglesworth  02/22/07 7:49 pm
How would my rolling a fat kid in vanilla pudding and pickle juice every Wednesday in February make it different from any other month, or from any other Wednesday for that matter?

whiskey  02/22/07 10:46 pm
Just like someone calling you a son of a bitch .Just look at them and say hey I am a son looking for a bitch and I found you ......... It makes them see that they are not going to get under your skin and piss yea off

SNL  02/23/07 8:40 am
Spanish have a holiday... They have Cinco De Mayo... Okay I now its one day.. but everyday a Mexican Jumps the Border into America... They Celebrate.. so in theory... they celebrate everyday.

The Wolfkin  02/23/07 3:41 pm
I guess I'll be the first to point out there /is/ an asian month.

"In May 1990 [...] President George H. W. Bush designated May to be Asian Pacific American Heritage Month"

Are you all so lame as to think there /isn't/ a Asian month, a hispanic month, a native american (American Indian) month. They have a month for everything. Give it two year and they're been opposing months for WOW Humans and WOW Orcs or whatever they're calling the races now.

rose  02/25/07 2:10 am
I love your site, T-shirts and The Thing. Your replies are fucking hilarious. Freedom of speech - I'm all for it. Fuck off, all of you so-called politically correct fucktards. If you were really politically correct, you'd shut the hell up and mind your own business and stand up for our right to FREEDOM OF SPEECH. What else do we have? Unfortunately, even though I tell everyone about your T-shirts, I won't own one myself unless I fall into some money, (fat chance). Being a fat broad who lives in Canada (I know, a double loser) I'd have to order a $20. shirt plus exchange, shipping, handling, etc. I was curious as to how much this would actually cost me, so while visiting another site I admire, (no competition, something completely different) the shirts were on sale for half price @ $10. I ordered 3. By the time all was said and done, they worked out to cost $24.23 each Canadian. I'm not sure how UPS figures their cost, so I guess that one of your shirts @ $20. would cost me somewhere between $34.23 and $38.46 each. The exchange rate is currently negligible, so really, who can afford this? O.K. I'm done being a fat, whiney, Canadian and P.S. I wouldn't live in your country even if George Bush wasn't THE BIGGEST FUCKING MORON ALIVE. He is an insult to retards all over the planet and enough of you voted for him. Maybe even twice (if you count the first time). Congratulations, you must be so proud. Like the slogan says, I Bet You'll Vote Next Time Hippy. Keep up the good work, and I'll fantasize about you setting up a Canadian mail order site, so I can be cool too. Love Ya'll.

Prof. Calvin N. Hobbes  02/25/07 4:55 am
The only reason BHM exists is because there was zero recognition ofany accomplishments by black americans before hand. I mean, if you want some sick american irony, the man who is credited with perfecting the modern blood transfusion was black, but died because a hospital wouldn't admit him as a patient because he was black.... fun times. What else have i got off the top of my head... street lights! black guy. nichrome filaments in light bulbs! black guy. hydroponic gardening! (appreciate black people now, dont you? stoners..)

Fluffy  02/28/07 3:29 am
Dear writer... whatever sex or color you are - it is hard to tell with you:

Fluffy  02/28/07 3:31 am
due to technical dificulties HERE is the rest of my comment... I did find one flaw in a perticular plan of yours... FAT PEOPLE ARE HARDER TO KIDNAP!!!!

Meats  02/28/07 11:35 am
Greg, what typo? Last time I checked a mother who has a female child is usually referred to as a "daughter". If you've been living under a rock (or just don't give a shit, like me) the media's fascination 6 months ago with the death of her "son" (a male offspring). He's the twenty something year old that preceded his mother in death by most likely raiding her medicine cabinet. Either that or she left them out for him to find. Maybe she felt she needed to do something drastic because she didn't see her face in the media for a while. When that wore off, she had her daughter. Then when America's collective interest shifted to other useless celebrity news, she goes and croaks. But she left a little legacy behind. Her fatherless child. She will continue to entertain us from beyond the grave. Hitler still has specials on the History channel. Maybe 60 years from now, so will she.

PsykoNinjaKiller  03/01/07 7:05 pm
fat kids are easy to kidnap. All it takes are some baked goods and some rope. As long as you can overpower an entranced obese 8 year old you shouldnt have any problems. Just place the baked good somewhere they will notice. Hide. Wait for them to become aware of the baked good. Once they have it close to their grasp, hog tie them and take them away from their parents. You have just kidnapped a fat kid. Congratulations. Now enjoy the baked good unless otherwise destroyed or eaten by the obese 8 yr old

del  03/05/07 5:11 am
skilled newsletter writer for president! and what the fuck happened to bowels of hell?????

bobo  03/06/07 3:24 pm
bhm should be when they all get back on the boats and emigrate to the old continent

Muffin  03/07/07 4:35 pm
WHAT ABOUT WHITE HISTORY??? how come blackk people get a month? what about jews??they had it bad too! oh and roman catholics! why do you think jesus died? lol

BHM Rocks  03/12/07 4:01 pm
Well as I 5 year old daughter says she not black she brown, damn shame grown ups dont know their colors. So yes change the name to Brown History Month if your gonna change anything. And we need not give black ( excuse me) brown folks the month off not even the rappers, then who would these little white kids have to mock and white parents have to blame for their bad ass kids acting up and tryna be black (excuse me ) brown. Correction Black *brown* folks don't make crack we just sell it...Much love TSH


-----Original Message-----

From: the-5-yea*** @ ****

Sent: Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Subject: Baby T-Shirt

To whom it may concern:

I received an e-mail with pictures of babies wearing your t-shirts. I couldn't believe how distasteful and disturbing some of them were. I visited your web site, because I needed to see for myself if there is actually a company that sells those kinds of shirts for babies.

I am particularly disgusted by your t-shirt that says "They Shake Me." Child abuse is never funny. I think it is horrible that your company makes light of a very serious matter. There are countless cases of children dying from shaken baby syndrome, it is not something to be joked about.

I will never buy a t-shirt from your company, and I will warn all of my friends and family that you are a company who thinks killing babies is a joke.

Tina Y.

Editor's Note: I've had to read this about fifty times, but I think I'm finally ready to respond to it. The problem was that each time I tried reading it I would start thinking about all the times I've seen babies being shaken, and I would just start laughing uncontrollably. But I'm good now.

Child abuse is occasionally funny.First of all, it's unfair of this person to make a blanket statement like 'Child abuse is never funny.' Has she never seen Abbott and Costello's "Fly Swatter and Fish Hooks" routine? Fucking hilarious. Not to mention the classic silent film "Children Getting Hit by a Train" starring Harold Lloyd. And let's not forget my very own video series "America's Funniest Home Child Abuse: Volumes 1 through 18."

Second of all, our company does not think killing babies is a joke. Killing the baby is only the setup. The joke is only complete after I do whatever it is I do with the baby, a whoopee cushion, and a jar of tartar sauce.

Lastly, you don't need to warn your friends and family about our company. I hang out with your friends and family on the weekends, and when we're not participating in our weekly "Running of the Hoboes," I tell them all about T-Shirt Hell. But thanks for your concern. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go check on all the babies that I left in my bathtub full of plugged-in toasters.

Comments (44) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Allute  02/20/07 12:33 am
I appreciate the fact that you don't dignify the lady with a logical response. It shows that you don't give the time of day to people that are so wrapped up in their own censoring, tight-ass, liberal, "Lets make everyone happy by pissing everyone else off," mentality that they can't handle an edgy joke on a baby tee.

So child abuse is a problem in society. How is that t-shirt vendor's problem. Why don't they write a letter to their congressman asking for legislation to neuter children who've been abused. You know... stop the cycle of abusers. Sounds like a good idea for a t-shirt.

Still, I will never buy a t-shirt from your site. I've got nothing against learning how to make a dead baby float (two scoops of ice cream and one dead baby). Its just that I'm morally opposed to spending $18 on a fucking t-shirt. Keep up the good work.

Russ Hinkel  02/20/07 7:42 am
Tell the lady to swollow next time and stop the chain of stupidity. SO, do use all a favor take a ahot in the mouth and stop the cycle.

Brent Elskan  02/20/07 9:26 am
Oh no! You're going to loose the uptight, white, suburban, middle class, humorless, judgmental, conformist bitches and asshats demographic! And you always enjoyed such a disproportionately large share of their support previously. Damn!

shaken, not stirred  02/20/07 9:56 am
my own response to the dumb girl with the dumb email (feel free to send it to her too): it's called "humor", Tina. it just happens to be sick humor is all. but I like it. :D

also: the more people you tell about this site, the more attention you give it. but you didn't know that, I'm sure.

(here's to bigger and better sales, T-Shirt Hell!)

Anita  02/20/07 10:23 am
It kind of makes me a little sad that people are aloud to comment on these e-mails and responses. I mean, unless it is so that you, the editor, can later laugh at THEIR mistakes as well...because let me tell ya, the grammer, spell, puctuation, and general thesis in most of these comments suck! Poor Mr. Brent Elskan wants to loose the population, or maybe he was trying to add that in with the rest of the adjectives. I guess it is more fair, now the other side can make fun of T-Shirt Hell supporters in a more specific fashion. Keep up the great work, I'm a devout reader of The Thing.

Anita  02/20/07 10:27 am
Ok, so next time I'll proofread. Silly, shameful me! Allowed, not aloud. I'm terribly sorry Mr. Brent Elskan, I have sadly proven myself your equal.

Billy-bob  02/20/07 11:09 am
Dear Anita,

Shut the fuck up.



Del Fuego  02/20/07 12:04 pm
Wow, you got hate mail from Tina Yothers. That's intense.

Gail  02/20/07 12:42 pm
Hey Anita, you spelled "punctuation" wrong too, along with "spelling," and actually some of your sentences just don't make much sense. But I digress... you're so right, people shouldn't use this space to comment on readers' comments.

Risk  02/20/07 2:08 pm
Last I checked, T-Shirt Hell didn't send pictures through e-mail, so that means someone she knows sent them to her.

I find that even funnier.
Do you think she's mad at that person at all? At least someone has a sense of humor

Viking  02/20/07 2:29 pm
Wow, hate-mail comments! Love hate-mail.
I have considered this matter thoroghly now for quite some time. Anita has a small point in what she says. I also think it's horrible that tshirt-hell makes light of a very serious matter; making big bucks of others missfortune. When they could be bathing in money, or be out buying very expencive escorts, they actually stay in theyr office and continue to make shirts that makes me tinkle my boxers.
So I have to agree with Billy-Bob on this one.
Shut the Fuck Up, Anita! Get a sense of humor!

Georgia  02/20/07 4:04 pm
Anita, you're not as smart as you think you are. Your comment barely makes sense. Congrats.

Jason  02/20/07 5:58 pm
Who the HELL is Anita?

J Doom  02/20/07 6:17 pm
if Tina here is so adamant in her belief that "shaken baby syndrome" isn't funny, she's obviously never seen it done properly. next time, try dousing the child in Shake 'n' Bake first. you can read the instructions on the box to find out where to go from there. that ought to cure you of that horrendous case of "stick lodged up the ass syndrome" you seem to be afflicted with. my condolences, get well soon.

Cynnie H  02/20/07 9:40 pm
That cuntbag is clearly too liberal to see past her own tight ass. When she farts it probably makes a whistling sound similar to a balloon squeak.

Omniscient Commentator  02/20/07 9:48 pm
I absolutely love that people commenting on the stupidity of an uptight e-mail critic take the time to criticize other people’s criticism. And yes, I am doing the exact same thing in this comment. But I never claimed I wasn’t a hypocrite.

Omniscient Commentator  02/20/07 9:54 pm
Hmm it appears my whole comment didn't post. So for your veiwing pleasure here's the rest of it:
As for Ms. Tina here, yes killing babies isn’t funny. So unless you plan on using this t-shirt to smother babies I’m afraid your moral outrage is misplaced. On a side note, it could be very profitable to market this t-shirt as a baby-smothering device. You could increase the price at least a few dollars.
Oh and on a side note it amuses me that the people here seem to think it's the liberals that are against free speech. Because the conservatives certainly love a good dead baby joke.

Jay  02/20/07 10:12 pm
so...can you make a t-shirt that goes with "they shake me" that says "they shooke me" so that the "abused" child and the parents can match? cause that would be killer! (by killer, I mean, please make this shirt, so me and any future children of mine can match!)

Austin Schwefel  02/20/07 10:22 pm
Who ever it is that writes responses for you is a fucking genious and should be given the noble prize for science.

KG  02/20/07 10:36 pm
HAHAHA I love this. A pissed off Tina Yothers and AND Anita trying to sound smart but ending up sounding like a dumb bitch. I love it!!!!

noobtard  02/21/07 6:20 am

we all can spell but we all can't fucking type , i prove it to you with my cooking skills

Put the cabbages in salt water.
Then sit in the sink until the morning.

—Add two cups of ground flowers.

—Next, chop all the vegetarians
into little pieces.

—Then add small feces of fish.

—Don't forget to insult the soup.

—Next, add a little Buddha
and mix it all up.

—When you are finished cooking,
find a suitable bowel and eat it with chopsticks.

now Anita only you wont understand it but all us typetarded people can :O)

back to the e-mail wow she telling her friends t-shirt site in trouble lol

Nat  02/21/07 10:13 am
I can't believe Tina is getting so upset about a teeshirt about shaking babies. What is your problem? You never hear anyone having a go about epilepsy, do you? No. You just laugh. It's talk like that that get women raped!

daria_bajjaj  02/21/07 11:36 am
I like the recipe. Very easy to follow.
As for the email; don't buy any shirts. Who cares if you won't buy any, because there are plenty more who will.

dryice  02/21/07 12:45 pm
How is it possible that these stupid useless cunts can't understand the simple fact that your t-shirt doesn't condone shaking a baby. It keeps it out in front of peoples faces, and therefore raises awareness, and therefore REDUCES shaken baby syndrome! Just ask a JEW if they want us to stop talking about the Holocaust. Now THAT'S FUNNY! As Doug Stanhope says, Babies are a problem. Over 4 million of em every year! They come in this country, they don't speak they language, they don't wanna work, they contribute nothing. Fuck them!

Teresa  02/21/07 2:38 pm
That's my favorite t-shirt, "They shake me" and I am a 49 year old mother of 4 and grandmother of 7.

Zira  02/21/07 3:14 pm
Just for that, I'm going to buy more shirts for my baby!

foofoolamarr  02/21/07 3:21 pm
Dear Tina: Take your "oh those poor, abused babies" shit and shove it. Those kids aren't wanted. Get rid of them.

foofoolamarr  02/21/07 3:30 pm
>Second of all, our company does not think killing >babies is a joke. Killing the baby is only the setup. >The joke is only complete after I do whatever it is >I do with the baby, a whoopee cushion, and a jar >of tartar sauce.

Erik Wong  02/21/07 10:22 pm
Shaken Baby Syndrome? I believe that is a verb, not a condition. Unless you consider dead a condition.

duzzy swallow  02/21/07 10:31 pm
anita do you know the difference of these two word, lose,loose ? Didn't think so, lose(r)

Jason  02/22/07 12:20 am
Oddly enough, that is one of my favorite shirts.

DP  02/22/07 12:31 am
i couldn't stop laughing at this. the first part when you said "The problem was that each time I tried reading it I would start thinking about all the times I've seen babies being shaken, and I would just start laughing uncontrollably." was just the iceing on the cake. i will forever remember that. thank you for making my day a bit brighter.

Ronman  02/22/07 8:33 am
Mmmm..... Shaken babies are delicious.

mike fincik jr  02/22/07 9:42 am
if everyone had a sense of humor the world wouldnt be sooo fucked up!!!!the best thing in the world is expression even if its via t shirts,infact i want to wenever i can afford it buy all of my neices &nephews a nice juicey shirt from the best site goin!!!GOD BLESS TSHIRTHELL & god bless the first ammendment! LOL also fuck you iran and north korea!

MEDINA  02/22/07 6:12 pm

whiskey  02/22/07 10:35 pm
Come on people they are just making shirt for fun and trying to make people get a laugh they don't mean shit they way you hateful assholes think about it. I mean come on you think if someone would shake there kid that these people wouldn't kick there ass or go to jail for it. WHAT THE HELL ENJOY LIVE AND STOP BITCHIN ABOUT EVERY LITTLE SHIT AND GET A LIFE

cathrine  02/24/07 5:42 am
You are so hilarious that it scares me, hehe. I fucking LOVE your sick sence of humour! I don't have a chance keeping a strait face when I read your e-mails. The feedback you give to those retarded douchebags that don't have a sence of humour and complaines about some of your fucking genious t-shirts, are..well.. I don't have words. You are my idol! Keep makeing the best t-shirt's ever made. And to all you idiots whit the the world a favour and just drop dead. Thanks:D

cathrine  02/24/07 5:44 am
You are so hilarious that it scares me, hehe. I fucking LOVE your sick sence of humour! I don't have a chance keeping a strait face when I read your e-mails. The feedback you give to those retarded douchebags that don't have a sence of humour and complaines about some of your fucking genious t-shirts, are..well.. I don't have words. You are my idol! Keep makeing the best t-shirt's ever made. And to all you idiots whit the the world a favour and just drop dead. Thanks:D

Malyce  02/26/07 5:40 am
Never bake a shaby.

JC  02/26/07 11:00 am
This is similar to a previous 'Thing' email where the woman was pissing and moaning about how she was the grandmother or some shit of a shaken baby who is now retarded or something... it made me laugh so hard thinking about what a dumbass this woman is, when there are people even CLOSER to shaken babies who hate this shirt... close enough to have a dumb cunt for a daughter and now a retard for a grandson. Let's just say humanity doesn't produce the sharpest tools in the shed sometimes

dicky  02/27/07 12:09 pm

Brad Moore  03/03/07 4:01 pm
I just don't understand how anyone cannot find that shirt funny.

the dick  05/15/07 5:38 pm
you undercover klansmen should realize by now that the ememy is iraq/iran; not here at home calling out niggers. anyway one thing, we dont claim either micheal jackson (he's yours now) or bush.

mark campbell  08/12/07 7:48 pm

you guys are the best keep doing what yuor doing baby shirts are the funniest thing ever in this country we should be allowed to make fun of every thing and everyone if not then dont look at my t shirt and dont look at me,hell i used to wear city swat team shirts to drug deals and if that isnt funny i dont know what is


-----Original Message-----

From: Aaron B.

Sent: Saturday, November 11, 2006

Well this is just me...maybe. Your shirts are hilarious but i would just like to say that i commend the person who would were pretty much any of them. Like "Arrest black babies before they become criminals" if you wore that shirt around were i live you wouldn't last 10 minutes on the street. Im just saying that they're funny but who seriously has the ballz to buy these. Not anybody who has a brain.

Editor's Note: Spending 10 minutes where you live sounds like about nine minutes and 58 seconds too long. Those first two seconds would probably be cool because it would make me feel better about my own life, but after that wore off I'd just feel shame and depression.

My point is that I would gladly welcome an ass-kicking or even a stabbing if it got my mind off the fact that I accidentally stumbled into an area reminiscent of "The Hills Have Eyes."

Everyone pities a fool.In fact, if I ever have the misfortune of walking through your neighborhood, because I'm doing a study on mouth-breathing retards or something, maybe I can take measures to ensure that the beatdown takes place in less than 10 minutes. In addition to wearing this shirt, maybe I'll put the same image on both sides of a sandwich board, put it on over the shirt, and walk around while shouting "Go back to Africa!" on a megaphone. That might just confuse people since I'm black, but I'd be willing to try anything to make me forget that I was in an area where window-licking chimps like you can walk around freely.

And don't assume that other people don't have balls just because you don't. It is possible to have both balls AND brains. And, as you have proven, it is possible to have neither. Now get back to your shanty. There's still some glue that hasn't been eaten.

Comments (27) - View Comments - Add A Comment

A-money  02/19/07 11:41 pm
silly negroes

Brett  02/20/07 4:13 am
This guy's message made me want to cut my wrists vertically. Then I read your response and thought, maybe I should just cut them horizontally. This way I can then come back after my trip to the hospital and buy all the racist T-shirts and wear them through the ghetto of every city in the country and see exactly how they all react.

Dave  02/20/07 7:23 am
The writer of this message doesn't seem to grasp the fact that niggers and retards can't even read, so there's no way they could take offence to a shirt.

Clyde day jr  02/20/07 9:54 am
From now on wear, and where will be known as were LOL. Aaron I have the balls to wear thease shirts, and when I wear my "everytime you see a rainbow god is having gay sex" shirt at wall mart I stick it to the man, and take a lil back from the true retards who try and tell us all what to do, wear, think, ect.

E  02/20/07 10:09 am
It is not "where" but even worse they use were instead. I could almost excuse the mixup with wear and where but using were for wear is just retarded.

Melissa  02/20/07 12:03 pm
Have the ballz to wear these t-shirts? Number 1, if he is spelling balls as 'ballz' he must live in the hood. You don't have to have balls to wear the shirts in certain areas, you have to have a sense of humor. If people don't find it funny, FUCK 'EM!!! Besides, my favorite shirt is the 'Don't mess with Texas' shirt and I wear it all the time...oh yeah, and I live in Central Texas in a town with a major Texas university. Texans don't like it but everyone from the real world thinks it's hilarious.....Hey buddy, grow some ballz and have fun (if you can back your shit up)....GOD BLESS EVERYONE AT TSHIRT.COM

FuckDaPolice  02/20/07 12:45 pm
Chicken shit cracker! If the shirt's funny to you, stop being a pussy (like most crackazoids) and rock your shit. Don't be a closet re-re like A-money and Dave.

Gail  02/20/07 12:52 pm
It doesn't take balls to wear these shirts - I have a vagina and I wear the shirt that says on the back, "The girl I'm talking to is such a bitch," all the time, and people love it.

However, it does take balls to say what's in the comments below. VERY ballsy - hilarious in its ballsiness! But you're all just saying it in jest - right?!

sdreaper  02/20/07 1:36 pm
Humor must be something that needs to be taught in schools or by parents. Wearing my "When the 3000th soldier dies..." shirt out at a bar in the middle of a navy/marine town almost got me arse handed to me. It wasn't until I explained drunkenly that I appreciate that they feel that my life is more worthwhile than their own and I thanked them ahead of time for dying so I can continue to wear shirts that make me laugh. God bless the ignorant and feable minded.

lebowski  02/20/07 3:30 pm
aaron-ious, evry time i were my t-shits fum t-shit hell,i gets a lotta laff, every were i go, you stupid fucktard.

B-Money  02/20/07 7:27 pm
silly negroes

C-Money  02/20/07 7:29 pm
Tshirt hell iz da shit. Wheneva i wear deez thredz, peeps be lafin an shit.

bettye jones  02/21/07 12:51 am
why cant any one see that folks with a look on life has all the negtive comments about t shirt hell

AFitch  02/21/07 4:00 am
You need "ballz" to buy these shirts? I dunno what kind of currency you guys are used to in the hood, but I prefer money.

Phillynets  02/21/07 10:02 am
Yeah, fuck-off!!!

Shady IIV  02/21/07 10:37 am
No this response is fkin hilarious! Love your site! Keep on the GOOD work. ;D Peace

Serra  02/21/07 11:32 am
You have to have balls to get one of these? Shit, how'd I manage it with just a pretty face, awesome rack and a credit card?

Furious  02/21/07 11:36 am
So nobody pointed out the irony of getting accosted for wearing the shirt?

Guess the shirt was right - fkn moron.

Encyclopædia Dramatica  02/21/07 11:56 am
Nigras already stole my bike, I don't want to let them steal my freedom too, we should be stealing their freedom, lol slavery. I wish to not experience the irony of being enslaved by a nigra.

Jesus Christ  02/21/07 12:25 pm
If I was a t-shirt hell shirt, your mother would wear me. Probably stretch me like I stretched her aswell.

Chase  02/21/07 4:28 pm
Thats fuckin hilarious! The best part of my sad, lonely week is coming home to read your newsletter! You should get a t.v. show.

Jeff  02/23/07 2:57 am
I was in a bar this past weekend when a black man walked wearing the "arrest black babies before they become criminals" shirt. Needless to say any man who understands satire and the 1st amendment these days is rare so I had to buy him a beer.

David  02/23/07 7:50 pm
I have the (I hate) shirt, and I wear it everytime I'm going out of town. I don't wear it in town, cause we have no niggers, wetbacks, spics, japs, or dotheads to offend. Sprout some testis junior...

rose  02/25/07 2:35 am
I live in a relatively small town that "Ran the niggers out" a long time ago. Unfortunately, they've made thier way back in due to social tolerance, and political correctness. The place is going to hell in a handbasket. Our once safe town has become a melting pot of crime due to crack cocaine and the crimes committed to obtain it. It's not only blacks though. The spics and the chinks have jumped on the bandwagon and are recruiting the young whites to join their social demise. Fuck you all. Now we're all the same. Are you happy yet? Here's a slogan for you, "I Steal/Kill for Crack, Help Me, Please!"

rose  02/25/07 2:46 am
Yeah, I know, I spelled their wrong. Sucks to be me. Dumbass.

Natalie  03/09/07 4:05 pm
The funniest part of the editor's note is "go back to your shanty." Shanty is just a funny word that I wish I could use in everyday conversation. I'm so envious...

Orisha/Vadu Priest  04/15/07 3:20 pm


-----Original Message-----

From: Jason

Sent: Friday, November 24, 2006

Subject: its kind of funny

but I expect a company Ive done buisness with and admired to not go along with the crusifixtion of michael was rage not racism....Nigger is the only word unacceptable in the english language if it was a asian and he said chink it wouldnt of even made the 2 cents

jay b.

Cracker please.Editor's Note: Two cents isn't a whole lot, which is why I'm always surprised to find that everyone's "two cents" is often worth even less than that. He is, of course, referring to the KKKramer shirt we carried while Michael Richards was still in the news.

I'm sure you've noticed that most of the complaints we get are from douchebags that think they hold the patent on morality, but occasionally we get something like this from an asshole that goes the other way with his complaint. The thing that both of these groups seem to forget is that we make jokes. Not everything is a fucking social statement. Why can't something just be funny? We weren't making some bold announcement in an attempt to condemn racism. It was a goddamn shirt where Kramer has a Klan hood on. The fact that someone can see anything more than just a silly joke in that shows just how silly that individual is.

And in case you don't know, I happen to be a nigger (if those taunts I hear at the DMV are accurate), and if there's one thing I find just as sad as people fighting to ban that word, it's people like you fighting to try and make it as common as the word applesauce. Is it pathetic that people get in an uproar over the use of something that is nothing more than a few letters? Of course. But if you can acknowledge how sad that is, can you also acknowledge how sad it is that people like you want to use that word for no other reason than the fact that some people don't want you to? That's like me eating my pubic hair just because my mom told me not to (which I stopped doing months ago).

Git 'r done, my brothers!Listen, you can say nigger in your living room all the livelong day and no one will stop you. You can also dip your cock in mustard and swing it around. But you don't do either of those in public. Not because either of those things would offend people, which they would, but because there would be no fucking reason for it. It's great that people want to defend freedom of speech, but it's kind of sad when you realize a lot of them, rather than fight for a cause, just use freedom of speech to piss people off for no reason or to paraphrase Larry the Cable Guy.

You also seem to forget that certain things being taboo is what makes them fun. Right now you can say nigger and it makes you feel like a rebel because you're not supposed to say it, but if we ever get to the point where people are throwing around words like nigger, wetback and gook like they mean hello, you'd just have time to realize how pathetic you are.

Don't get me wrong, it'd be great if those words became meaningless. But people like you fighting for them keeps them taboo just as much as people fighting against them. They get mad because you use that word, you get mad because they got mad, and the whole thing escalates. So in the future, let's do ourselves a favor and not react to the reaction. Then, and only then, will we live in a world free of racial slurs. And racism will once again be about actions rather than words. Awesome.

Comments (34) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Drew  02/20/07 12:41 am
What should we call the asian , black, wetback, that moved into our neighborhood when we send the welcome wagon around?

DaltDanyon  02/20/07 8:27 am
Neighbor would be good

Your momma is a nigger! Says me (because I want to offend you too!  02/20/07 11:23 am
ANYBODY WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH THIS SITE AND THEIR SHIRTS NEED TO GET A REAL HANDLE ON THE LIFE THAT THEY LIVE! Not to mention that if you get offended by words being used such as nigger and other words in the english dictionary then why don't you go to Iraq with all the other dumbass cock sucking rag heads. By doing that, you can create more openings for Mexicans to come into our country and pack themselves into your houses/trailers/dumpsters and live off of our welfare system. Look if you have such a problem with T-Shirt Hell's shirts, then stop coming to the site, stop e-mailing hate letters to the owner/editors/whatever, block the site, tell all your friends about how terrible this site is, and become like that woman Cindy Sheehan (not sure about spelling of that name) who does nothing but collect money off of people (like yourself, because you don't understand the world, you just want to be different and go against the president because people are dying - which, by the way, if you haven't found out yet is a natural process, so it is going to happen one way or another - sooner or later, so it minus well be sooner (in reference to all the Iraqis dying everyday)) so that she can go around to different places on vacation and say oh George Bush your such a horrible person! On a second thought, don't stop sending those e-mails, I use the e-mails with the (editor/owner)'s comments for a good laugh when I have had a bad day because of sorry pieces of shit, such as yourselves, acting all stupid because someone in your life never taught you to not take words (meaningless or not) so seriously!

Daniella Jordan  02/20/07 12:29 pm
"You can also dip your cock in mustard and swing it around. But you don't do either of those in public." ... I do.. is that wrong?

Dark-Side  02/20/07 12:49 pm

Gail  02/20/07 1:01 pm
Anyone who has a problem with any of the slogans on the shirts or anything that's written on this page need to take their mouse, move it until the cursor is over the little red "x' in the top right corner, left-click the mouse, and then never visit this site again. Problem solved! It's that simple.

Nigger  02/20/07 1:04 pm

Ace  02/20/07 1:21 pm
Your momma> Your comment was excessively stupid, but at least you gave me a good snigger (am I allowed to say that?) with "minus well". Dumb ass.

Queen O'the Dead  02/20/07 1:29 pm
Dalt, you're sounding rather liberal down there!

Dave  02/20/07 3:22 pm
T-shirt hell makes intelligent retort to an abusive email? That's a news story worthy of a shirt itself, innit?

lebowski  02/20/07 3:37 pm
is that ordinary mustard, or some type of deli mustard, until i know the answer to that question i minus well keep on dipping my cock in tabasco sauce--it takes my mind off the burning sensation when i piss

Jayque  02/20/07 4:54 pm
Isn't Nigger, Gook and Wetback kind of like the word fag? Being a faggot, I realised that as soon as I started to not give a fuck when people called me "faggot" "queer" "fudgepacker" etc, they stopped using them towards me because it was obvious they didn't offend me. It was so taboo when first started because it was rebellious and out of the ordinary, but then it lost all its meaning when they found out I fucked their brother while his mom watched and video taped it. My point here being that if niggers just shut the fuck up and let the word go, people would quit using it as much. Don't you have something better to worry about than one single word?

BlackGranny  02/20/07 5:10 pm
"but if we ever get to the point where people are throwing around words like nigger..." BUT DON'T YOUNG BLACK PEOPLE DO THAT ALREADY???

slikshady  02/20/07 5:40 pm
One day we'll be free of these jackoffs with towels wrapped so tight around their heads, their brain cant breathe. then you and i will feel free to dip our cocks into any condiment we choose when we swing it in public.

J Doom  02/20/07 6:04 pm
crucifixion? (see, i can spell it right because i'm a honky) when did they crucify him? i would've really liked to watch that. not because i have any particular distaste for the dumbfuck, just because watching people get nailed to a couple of 2X4s is hilarious (and often quite arousing). i'll have to check YouTube, see if they have any video of that, when i'm not busy jerking off to the Saddam execution video clips, of course. huh, and all this time i thought Kramer was working at a Burger King screaming at the Mexicans in the kitchen. that's the downside of being a honky, we can spell but we're often quite ignorant. i'd probably be a little dissapointed by that, if i knew what ignorant meant. seems like the guy who wrote this hate-mail sure does though, maybe i ought to ask him. then i can beat him senseless & steal his 2 cents.

Lil Conner Peterson  02/21/07 12:46 am
The love the words nigger and faggot !! The only thing better is when I see a fag nigger and I call him a FIGGER. What do you get when you infect a FIGGER with AIDS and Sickle Call? A DAMN GOOD START!!! Tell this fucking nigger lover to go get in barbed wire cage wrestling match with Magic Johnson.

Lulu Jayne  02/21/07 1:32 am
To paraphrase Lenny Bruce, "taboo" words only have their power because people are afraid to say them. Anyways, everybody sensible knows that the ultimate taboo word is "flange" not "nigger."

Jim  02/21/07 3:21 am
I am offended and outraged at this. How dare you think I would call someone a nigger. If they were black Id just shoot em, not call em names first. Why give em a chance to shoot back? If he wasnt black Id still shoot him but Id rape his momma and sister first and then have a nigger sodomize his ass then id shoot em both. Take care who you offend nigger! Git R Done!

Kay  02/21/07 9:06 am
"I'm sure you've noticed that most of the complaints we get are from douchebags that think they hold the patent on morality..."

Freakin' great.

Rowena  02/21/07 11:12 am
WOW, you are a Negro, AND a girl, AND you are really quite clever! Im, are you HOT?:)

Encyclopædia Dramatica  02/21/07 11:49 am
He needs to get back in the oven where he belongs.

Claude Remains  02/21/07 11:52 am
FYI: I dip my cock in mustard and swing it around in public all the time.

foofoolamarr  02/21/07 3:27 pm
"Hey,k I'm with the douchebag with the patent on morality" with a thumb pointing left/right (take your pick). There's your next slogan!

Big Dick McGlick  02/21/07 9:52 pm
I smell a mustard covered dick T-shirt in the works. I tried to get my girlfriend to lick mustard of my dick, you know, to break up the misionary monotony, but she wouldn't. Although the dog couldn't get enough.

Klanked  02/21/07 10:24 pm
Best "thingy" yet... If your a retarded middle aged man that sits in the corner and whispers the word "nigger" at the cockroaches that are rallying around his feet, while tying strands of hair into bows around his pinky sized member....

Mustard Dick  02/21/07 11:52 pm
Nothing beats a good mustard a right hand

Ronman  02/22/07 8:46 am
That's some funny shit right there, I don't care who you are!

Komisches  02/22/07 11:05 am
I'm offended by people who use simple words like nigger or faggot to try and offend people. I'm offended because they couldn't muster enough brain power to come up with something more interesting and humorous with which to *attempt* to insult. People who have grown up with this kind of rubbish being vomited at them usually don't give a flying fuck anymore. The others are self-righteous, bourgeois, apple pie fucking cuntflappers.

zeGurldownSouth  02/22/07 4:49 pm
People need to get over it. I am sick of how ppl are white can't say nigger without being called racist, but that same black person who was "offended" by being called that probally says nigga to their friends and call white ppl "Crackers". Cracker is a racist word, but I don't hear anyone freaking out on that. Besides, the wonderful ppl at T-SHIRT HELL are equal in that shirt, there's one about white babies too, which to me, is even funnier than the black baby shirt.

whiskey  02/22/07 10:44 pm
I mean come on people they are not colored people and who the hell are us white people calling colored cause when we are sick we turn green when we are in the sun we turn red when we get our asses kick we is black and blue so why the hell are we calling them COLORED ......

H  02/23/07 4:10 pm
Anyone trying to make a point on these comments is an idiot. Especially if you expect people to take you serious. Especially if you say "cock sucking rag head". Especially those who are mother fucking serious...are you serious?!? I think T-shirt hell brings out the inner-whining bitch in people. Including my fine bitch ass.

Emryld  02/23/07 6:09 pm
I could set here and say some intelligent things about how we have come so far in this country and world, and that racism is a waste of time and intelligence, and how by this time there is no single person on this Earth who is 100% full blood (or full race) anything; how we are all basically mutts in some form, each with their own mixture of races thrown in. But no one would realy listen, because if we don't have something to bitch about and cry a violation of our rights, feelings, or whatever, then we are bored to tears. We have to have something that we can focus on to create controversy and start riots and wars. Besides, if everyone quit complaining, who would we fuck with? I love T-Shirt Hell because they are EOI--Equal Opportunity Insulters!! they fuck with you, they fuck with me, they fuck with the elderly, blind, homosexuals, babies, every race, religion, gender, culture, and so on. No one can say they discriminate, because they treat everyone equal--equally at risk to be insulted and laughed at. that is what the 21st century is all about and I can't wait to see what's next. Everyone who has an issue with a good laugh, fuck off and go kill yourself, while the rest of us enjoy laugh at the new T-Shirts that T-Shirt Hell will put out about your dumb ass committing suicide!!

Adam  02/24/07 1:10 am
You know, If people are gonna whine and bitch about one simple word, no matter how "Taboo" it may be. do what I do go up to the biggest most muscle bound black person you can find. look him right in the eye and say "Chinc" or hell "Spic" works just as good too, even "Cracker". Look the point of the matter is if that doesent offend him, or the race of your choice to yell a racial slur at, chances are they wont get offended by their own racial slur, not to mention. the look of Confusion on their face is Damn funny

canadian  02/26/07 6:55 pm
I tried that mustard thing you talked about.WOW!!! Thanks t-shirt hell.


-----Original Message-----

From: Levent T.

Sent: Thursday, November 23, 2006

Subject: IROQ fuck u idiots!

I saw ur t-shirts, when i saw ur Iraq t,shirts, i shocked, how can u do this bullshit works? Everyday lots of people die in Iraq becoz of ur idiot Bush & army! And u idiots what r u doing, mother fucker tee-shirts! Shame on u and go to hell

Do u know how many people died yesterday? 150! U fucked up the earth! Meanwhile, I'm not Iraq citizen. u all idiots! u r crazy

Editor's Note: I was initially impressed when I read this, but then I realized it wasn't written by a brain-damaged walrus. Anyway, I understand how someone can write like this, what with the cultural divide and all, but I don't understand how someone capable of writing this has the ability to be offended in the first place.

AAAA RABID CAMELSMeaning I don't get how you can clearly know so little about the language, yet still be offended by it. Like, if I went to Iraq (Satan forbid) and I saw a cartoon of someone throwing shrimp at Uncle Sam's ass, I wouldn't get offended because I wouldn't know what the hell it meant. I think our buddy Levent here just saw the word Iraq or a certain image and thought we were insulting it. Which we probably were, because all of our shirts are created for the sole purpose of insulting Iraqis, but it's still wrong of him to assume that.

Regardless, I had no idea 150 people died there yesterday. That number is disheartening. It means I owe Ricky $50 in the office pool. Are you sure about that amount, Levent? I would think that 150 is a slow morning in Iraq. It seems like that many people in Iraq die every day due to rabid camel attacks alone.

Anyway, you should know that you're not alone. Plenty of Americans disagree with what Bush has done in Iraq. But while we may not all support the war, I think there's one thing we all support. Our troops...killing Muslims.

Comments (46) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Habib Bin Al Achmed  02/20/07 3:23 am
While I support our troops killing Muslims over in those sandy places, I think its time for everyone to start supporting our troops killing Muslims in Michigan. Dearborn used to be a nice place but now its full of those camel bastards. Its time to make Metro Detroit a nice place again. Get rid of all Arabs and let the English speakng people come back.

Osama bin Louden  02/20/07 7:55 am
I COMPLETELY AGREE!! I'm sick and tired of my towels disappearing, only to find them on some camel fucker's head. Towel theft is at an all-time high and it's going to drive Paris Hilton's granddaddy out of business. Oh wait . . . what? SHE'S stealing them to use as after-sex towels??? FUCK!! I had no idea.

Summer Eva La\'Douche  02/20/07 8:25 am
Seems silly to fight a war and kill off everyone in a country 150 people at a time. Save up all the carbombs, and all the retards willing to give up porn and internet relationships, then send them in all at once, and blow the whole fucking place off the map. Who the fuck needs it anyway?

Opinh Bom Bey  02/20/07 8:30 am
I support our troops killing everyone not in America. If we're going to be called "imperialistic," I think it's time we acted imperialistic. Let's exterminate those French pussies for pussing out, those German and Russian cocksuckers in their leather straps and earflap hats for selling bunkers, missiles and AK47s to Saddam, those African homos for spreading AIDS and those Mexican shitbags who are too lazy to run the border and take a cheap job mowing my grass.

Cara Brass  02/20/07 9:07 am
Well I suppose I have now stooped myself to another degree of critical slander - this time without opening my mouth, I want to commend you and your company I love the shirts the blogs (though my moral fibre makes me cringe at some slogans;it just makes me laugh harder)and your ability to continue to spew the same deffensive patronizing bits, chock full of sarcasm and repettitive wit, without the apearance of actually repeating yourself (I would love to see the source of the volumes of satirical comic relief you add to the world)to all kinds of people who can't take a joke.
You must have ACTUALLY done something productive with a psychology degree?
Anyways if there was something I'd like to see made...
it would be along the lines of "There's more to do with your time than be a cock block" a chicken boulioon cube on the front see reverse "just because you can't get it up."

Brent Elskan  02/20/07 9:37 am
Editor, I'm afraid I have to disagree with you here (yes, I'm aware how apathetic you are on that point). One cannot possibly express a satisfactory retort against such a completely nonsense missive. How can we be sure this person is even complaining? Eloquence knows no bounds. Unfortunately, it also knows no place in emails.

Del Fuego  02/20/07 12:13 pm
I agree with Levent on these points - how can u do this bullshit work and u fucked up the earth. I would also like to add, mostly as an afterthought, u ran dildo cuz you got problems? Who fuck stole my salami? i one fist Bea Arthur.

I think you see where I'm going with this.

Innocent Bystander  02/20/07 12:20 pm
WOW. I have never commented on these emails before, but I just can't pass this one up. Anyone who uses such poor grammer and is incapable of finding ALL of the keys on the keyboard cannot possibly expect anyone to take them seriously. Of course people are dying in Iraq; it's a war, that's what happens. If this site and its products offend you, don't go to it you dumbass! And learn how to type!

Daniella Jordan  02/20/07 12:23 pm
I love you. Will you marry me?

mika  02/20/07 2:05 pm
What is that a picture of?

TommyCuntPuncher  02/20/07 3:20 pm
You fucking rule dude!

Sick Sick Sex 666  02/20/07 4:58 pm
Man your responses to these fuckwads never cease to amaze me! Keep up the great work! You rule!!!

A. M.  02/20/07 5:10 pm
WTF? Does this actually make sense in whatever the fuck language this asshole speaks? Or are all the other camel jockeys like, " That dude's a fucking retard. Pay no attention to him."

hairy  02/20/07 6:51 pm
hahahahhahah...they shake me...hahahahahah...

jufam44  02/20/07 9:10 pm
I'm surprised the editor didn't catch/didn't make fun of the misspelling in the subject. Iroq? Nope, just doesn't sound right.

Omniscient Commentator  02/20/07 10:03 pm
Perhaps someone could I help me here... You see I can't seem to navigate the plethora of atrocious misspellings and overall disfigurement of the English language. He seems to both hate the war…and hate making fun of the war. He also claims “I’m not Iraq citizen.” So I can’t seem to understand how he’s butchered the language this much. Even if he didn’t speak English he seems to know enough slang to use “u” instead of the word “you.” I actually can’t get around the grammatical abuse long enough to insult his opinions. Which, if I could make sense of them, I assume are as ignorant as he is.

Omniscient Commentator  02/20/07 10:07 pm
Alas, karma got me at last. The stray "I" in my comment clearly does not belong there. But as far as spiritual retribution goes I think I'd prefer to look silly in an anonymous internet comment than to die in some horribly ironic way.

Eggs Ackley  02/21/07 12:40 am
I'm absolutely dumbfounded (which implies that at one time I was dumblosted). Talk about a target-rich environment for snappy comebacks. I mean, I got stuck on the first word in that email. Did he really mispell Iraq, or is he trying to tell us in some twisted form of geeky technobabble that he thinks he rocks? Shit, the whole email overwhelmed me to the point of almost shutting down the neurotransmitters that control my witty retort response mechanism. Almost... I will have to say though, that his statement that 150 people died yesterday is a little misleading. He doesn't actually say it was in Iraq that those people died, so either the planet had an extremely good day yesterday, or perhaps he's referring to 150 of his equally retarded inbred siblings.

Editor, you should note that this sub-species of sub-human seems to think that "u" single-handedly fucked up the earth. Wow, no small feat there... I stand in awe at your magnificent accomplishment. It's not everday when one can stand before such an esteemed colleague. I've been trying to fuck up the earth since birth, and here you go and make it seem like childsplay. Being as how this planet is now ruined, can you please share with me your secret? I mean, when we relocate to Earth 2, are you going to monopolize the earth-destroying job market, or will you be magnaminous enough to allow someone else to take a crack at it?

Jason Moore  02/21/07 2:23 am
150 people wow do you know howmany were people died in the U.S. yesterday? A fuck ton more than that! Shit 150 people that is like a slow day in detroit!

Jim Plowman  02/21/07 3:15 am
We shoulda gone in killed Saddam first, screw a trial, taken his money, taken the oil, left and nuked the fukin place

JaRRaH  02/21/07 3:58 am
killing muslms? heaven forbid!!! Get your facts right moron. The US is NOT killing muslims. The real truth is that due a shortage of moderately priced generic brand washing powder available to iraqis in iraqi supermarkets at the momet, we are meerly dilligently doing our part to help wash all those dirty towels on their heads by using GAU-8 30mm cannon fire.

Afitch  02/21/07 4:38 am
Not an Iraq citizen? Shit, you better get your green card soon or you'll get deported. What country could you possibly be from to immigrate to Iraq? Must've been a pretty bad place if you've left it to go to a warzone. And I'm assuming that you are in fact in Iraq due to your accurate death count.

Kay  02/21/07 9:20 am

If your whole post is meant to bitch about typos and writing mechanics, at least fucking spell the words right...
(It's *grammar* G-R-A-M-M-A-R)

(And if you are being all "cute" and feigning hypocrisy on purpose? Stop. You're not original.)

The Mighty Rufus  02/21/07 11:15 am
It's time we all started doing what everyone accuses us of doing. If they think we're just there for the oil, fine, lets take the oil. Who's going to stop us? The UN? Those pussies couldn't stop a poodle from shitting on their face.

Encyclopædia Dramatica  02/21/07 11:51 am
Lol at the people taking this hate mail and it's reply seriously. KILL MOAR SAND NIGRAS.

JEW KILLER  02/21/07 11:52 am
KILL JEWS! They started it all!

TitusOfDoom  02/21/07 12:12 pm
I love when retarded non-Iraqi citizens who can't spell worth shit try to complain about something related to the killing of their precious Muslim comrades (or at least...I THINK that's what he was trying to do). The reason is because it reminds me why I love to see them murdered so much.

Nalathni  02/21/07 2:09 pm
Brain-damaged walrus! HA!! That made my day.

Disguisted  02/21/07 4:45 pm
i love how ignorant us americans are

dragn  02/21/07 6:28 pm
keep up the good work if you didn't say it someone else would
fuck em if they can take a joke , joke em if they cant take a fuck , and we screw em if they can't take either

"Fuck the world Save yourself"

Tarrant  02/21/07 6:39 pm
wow.. i love when people get a good command of the Engrish Ranguage.

SoDamnInsane  02/21/07 6:56 pm
Kill ALL the Muslims. Oh, and Mohammed was gay so all those virgins they're waiting for are actually men.

Bush  02/21/07 7:43 pm
It's about time we start playing 'Cowboys and Muslims!' Yeehaw!!!

Mark  02/21/07 8:20 pm
Travel Free, Meet Interesting People and Then Kill Them.

I Hate My Generation  02/21/07 10:25 pm
Wow. I have to admit, among the comments that actually make sense, I failed to see the one possibility to this email that most people (I thought) would catch. Believe me, I am part of a generation that would actually stoop to this level, and if anyone has ever heard of he has actually written a full article on this very possibility. The person that wrote this was probably some dumb ass teenager that somehow crawled out of the abortion bucket and lived long enough to come within grasp of puberty only to realize that his entire ambition was to get "published" (and I use that term loosely) in The Thing and have people flame him thinking he was actually a retard that wrote it (and I am not saying he isn't).
I am around these types too much. I hate teenagers (and I am 20 myself so I'm still in that generation)
People like that should be sterilized. Someone should put chlorine in their gene pool.
Or maybe they really are that retarded...who knows...

Alter Alias  02/22/07 4:36 am
Ow fuck, the illiteracy, it hurts my eyes. You'd think if someone was going to go to the effort of learning a new language, (not much effort clearly but still) for the sake of bitching about the war that they could find an anti-war site do to it on.

annette  02/22/07 7:49 am
some people like to bring up issues like how many black men are in jail and how its such a HUGE number but when you compare the type of crime of the black man to the white man men its theft, drugs , murder but lets see you have the same in white men but lets see when you look at whit men you can add a few here this is where the difference is is you middle aged white man that is your serial killers...What is your problem with black history month ? soo they show a few comercials on t.v. telling you someone else that done something unless you watch BET or History channel or you put it on a channel that is having a special on something people are assholes how can ne thing go forward if you have such issues with something being recgonized...people need to chill and its not seperating humanity or making the race special by doing this people deserve the right to be recognized in history for they things they done...and it is "Black History" and should be tought as so the things that were over come should be known...The only way color will not be an issue in the future is the way we teach our kids today

J Wells  02/22/07 8:59 am
I saw a young woman with really large breasts walking down the street today. She was wearing a t-shirt which stated that she would use her breasts to her advantage. I was really offended. I stopped her and asked where she got the shirt. She told me about your company. I looked into it and simply have to protest. I mean who do you think you are?! What right do you to encourage women to cover their lovely large breasts underneath a t-shirt?! They totally block the view! What's wrong with you people? Can't you just write your witicisms on them with a pen for God sakes! I mean it! It's almost impossible to jack off in public now. Jeez!

a2sjackson  02/23/07 12:22 pm
THAT should be a shirt!!! ... "I SUPPORT OUR TROOPS...KILLING MUSLIMS" awsome!

assy mgee  02/23/07 5:13 pm
you guys kick ass your coments are always new and funny keep up the good work oh yeah im not a hillbillie gun fuck it seems to be a comment thing

american johnny  02/23/07 5:35 pm
i agree with all of you patriotic fuckers. but come on now achmed. what metro detroit needs now is a nuke. not a racial crusade. the rest of us would be better off without the music of eminem or kid rock any damn way. and the impovershed pimple on earth's crust that we called "detroit" should thank us for not nuking them when they created the IBM Playtown U.S.A. exhibit at the Detroit Children's Museum.

Hannah  02/23/07 6:46 pm
What the fuck is this? This message was almost unreadable. (is that a word?) 'ur' is not a word. How the fuck can you be offended when you spell like a two year old retard on crack cocaine? What a fucking cunt face. Maybe if that bitch got laid, he wouldn't care so much about other people making kick-ass, hilarious shirts.

rose  02/26/07 12:33 am
Dear Annette, are you trying to compete with Levent's nonsensical letter, or is it just a coincidence that you seem to have a similar grasp of the English language? Shut the fuck up. Thank you.

rose  02/26/07 12:44 am
Why did you make your "The Koran, Now Available in Two Ply" T-shirt a limited edition? I would think that that one should be available until all Muslims are either converted or dead. It's a classic. Did the silk screen just get worn out from over-use? Surely you didn't chicken out. Bring it back. Muslims are already offended at everything. What's a lousy slogan on a T-shirt going to change?

Tracey H  02/28/07 9:23 am
I Love your t-shrits! They Crack me up!! My only regret is that I found your site AFTER you retired the" Saddam is a big doodiehead" Shirt! I would have loved to have it! My brother has done 3 tours in Iraq and my Dad is in Afganistain, so needless to say we laugh at those shirts and wear them with pride! And I still belive what our guys are doing over there is GREAT and our current Leaders have NOT fucked up the Earth. LOVE YA'LL!!!!!!
ps: Your shaken baby shirts rock!! I have 4 kids and I bought that top for my friends new baby!

Willow  03/18/07 10:25 am
you know it's really pathetic when you can't even correctly spell the name of the country you're so proud of...well that's what i think he's going on about, i didn't have the patience to translate the rest.


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