BUY SHIRTS
 


03/01/05

Paris Hilton's cell phone got hacked. Now, all of her personal information
has leaked out. Of course, that's a lot better than what normally leaks
out of her.

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New Shirts for Old Fucks and the rest of you Freaks
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We have 12 new shirts for this edition. We have shirts for babies, shirts
for you regular idiots, and now introducing shirts for the elderly! Buy one
for your favorite smelly grandparent or drooling great uncle. They won't
thank you now, but when they die, you get it back!

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt447n.htm

Our mens long sleeve shirts, and jerseys are now available in size small.
And we're offering shipping to the Czech Republic. There's no connection
between the two.

If you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.

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There's no excuse for small talk, even for midgets.
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I think we can put an end to all pleasantries can't we? Let me give you an
example. The other day I was walking my dog and I ran into one of my
neighbors. They told me that they were moving to Texas and wanted to trade
email addresses so that we could keep in touch.

Why do people do shit like that? I barely know this person. The only time
I see him is when my dogs jump the gate. My dogs like to fuck his dog. You
really haven't lived until you've seen 3 Irish Wolfhounds perform a Turkish
Can Opener on a cocker spaniel. It's beautiful, it's magical, and I get
misty just thinking about it.

But anyway, this douchebag wants my email address. Did I mention my
neighbor is a white, Mormon, midget? If I hired Nazi scientists to build
someone who was the complete opposite of me; someone I would have nothing in
common with- this would be the result. How do I know this? Because I
actually employ several Nazi scientists and we've had this very discussion.

He's not even a cool Mormon midget. He doesn't have a bunch of underage
wives. He doesn't work in the circus getting fired out of a cannon. He's
just a boring guy with a boring dog. At least as far as I know, I've only
spoken to him a half a dozen times in my life.

But now, now he wants to be my fucking penpal. What am I supposed to say?
"How's the new house? My dogs were licking themselves today but I know they
were thinking of your dog. They sure miss pounding her sweet ass. How's
that new lawnmower?"

I know I could have just said no. Or I could give him a phony address. But
these things take effort. This makes me the bad guy. Fuck him for putting
me in this situation.

There is nothing worse than this phony pleasant useless small talk. If you
don't have anything to say keep your mouth shut. You will not be struck
mute; you will not forget how to talk if you stick to smiling and nodding.

In fact, you don't even need to do that. If you see someone and you have
nothing to say to them, run in the opposite direction, cover your mouth with
both hands, or swallow your tongue. Make the effort to avoid annoying some
innocent person minding their own business.

Here's the bottom line. This guy is lonely. He longs for human contact.
I'm busy. You make his day.

Nickwats23@yahoo.com

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Hate is Great!
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----- Original Message -----
From: mysterysurfer*** @ ***.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 12:56 PM
Subject: No Shirt!

What kind of degenerate creeps are you?

A number of your shirts (at least) are truly offensive & anyone who would
stoop to selling them just because some fool might buy one & line your
pockets makes you rather a slimeball.

At present, the shirt suggesting arresting African Babies (in particular) is
horribly racist with no redeeming social value. Justice would suggest you
should get sent to prison for hate crimes & have a large African-American
cellmate who knows exactly who you are.

The argument you need to make is that you honestly can't find any way to do
better than you're doing to earn a living, not just that you can make money
selling disgusting shit.

(Editor's Note: A large African American cellmate? Don't you think that's a
bit stereotypical of you? There are plenty of people in jail who are not
large African Americans. Some of them are small and midsized African
Americans. (uhh...that was a joke. Please, no more letters or death
threats.) You're right. I can not find a better way to make a living. What
would you have me do? Stand on the corner and suck cock for quarters?
I mean honestly, isn't that your job?)

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----- Original Message -----
From: <Prophet** @ **.com>
Sent: Monday, February 21, 2005 5:39 PM
Subject: I'll be praying for you

To Whom Ever it may concern:

I recently received a very disturbing e-mail; which
is being supply and possibly created by your company. This is extremely sad,
that we as human beings could be so very malicious and insensitive. The
hatred that exist in this country continues to astound me; but this is just
one of the many reasons why Jesus died on the cross for your sins, and I
pray that one day his Love will be found in your hearts.

Remember this: It is appointed unto man once to die and then the judgment
Hebrews 9:27; I pray your at the right judgment...which is the judgment
seat of Christ and not the Great White Throne judgment. Be blessed of the
Lord he loves you, the devil hates you, and I'll keep praying for you!

In His Service

A brother in Christ

(Editor's Note: OK, I've done a lot of bad things but you're not pinning
Jesus' death on me. Everyone knows that was Mel Gibson. I admit
having spent time on the Great White Throne, especially after I have had
Mexican. The Devil doesn't hate me, or he would have fired me a long time
ago. By the way, I'm not familiar with Hebrews 9:27, is that anything like
a Porsche 911? )

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----- Original Message -----
From: Xylina G.
Sent: Sunday, February 20, 2005 1:04 PM
Subject: not a happy customer

Do you think it's funny to talk about babies like that.........Do you have
any kids? Yes or no, would you want people to make those comments about
them? Do you have any consideration for mothers at all? It pisses me off
knowing people buy this shit. There are people out there really killing
babies and you're putting it on t-shirts like its okay. You should re-think
your t-shirts before you end up with a law-suit.

(Editor's Note: Xylina, you're a fucking moron, even by warrior princess
standards I'm not sure which of our many shirts advocating baby killing
you found so offensive, but allow me to put your mind at ease. While
you may take orders from the hand puppet in your basement, most child
killers are motivated by factors other than funny t-shirts. Funny t-shirts
don't kill people, unless they are used to strangle them. But even regular
t-shirts work for that. Do your children a favor and please strangle
yourself with the nearest t-shirt to prove my point you backwards,
hillbilly cunt.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: "Miriam G."
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:58 PM
Subject: funny.

Hi! I am high functioning autistic which means I don't have it very bad, so
I understand your shirt about autism. I just want to say that, although many
people like me would not understand it, most of us retards would think it is
very funny if they did. and yes, I do rock. to all tose fuckers who are NOT
autistic and have sent hate mail to this sight, you should ask someone who
is affected before you open your pussy, oops i meant mouth. T-shirt hell,
you rock too (just not literally like me)

(Editor's Note: It's sad when our most coherent letter comes from someone
who admits to being retarded. But this is what makes my job worthwhile;
happy retards like Miriam. Kiss my ass Jerry Lewis!)

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Road Rage Cards
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Don't forget about our sick fucking friends that sell Road Rage Cards. Why
just give cops the finger when Road Rage Cards give you over 40 new and
different ways to get your ass thrown in jail?

http://www.roadrage.com/

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Actress Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and her actor husband John Stamos are
officially divorced, according to court papers. I'm glad to see that sexy
little bitch is back on the market. And that Rebecca's not bad either.

Good-bye, Good luck, Good riddance