MAGIC 8-BALL
FREE BLOWJOB ANALYSIS
CONTAINS ALCOHOL FOR MAXIMUM EFFECTIVENESS
THIS SHIRT ENTITLES THE WEARER TO CUT
HUSH LITTLE BABY (SIMPLE PLEASURES)
HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR KID TODAY? (I HAVE)
SLAVERY GETS SHIT DONE
CEREAL RAPIST
BLING-BLING
STOP CLUBBING
THIS T-SHIRT IS 100% ORGANIC
NOT TONIGHT LADIES I'M JUST HERE TO GET DRUNK
I SHOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN
WHITE FLOUR
FREE HUGS (WORLD CHAMPION SLUT HUGGER)
I SUPPORT SINGLE MOMS

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newsfromhell

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T-Shirt Hell is looking to hire a new, full time, badass web designer. We're not looking to completely redesign the site or anything of that scale, but we definitely need someone to help create new pages/graphics for new content and to improve upon what we've done (your graphic design ability is more important than your coding ability). You'll get a very good salary and health care and all the girls/guys/goats you could ever dream of.

Rather than just going by your current portfolios and having a traditional job call with retarded resumes and fake references, I'd like to skip all the bullshit and actually find someone who shows they can kicks ass right away. The best way for me to pick someone is to have an open contest...to every web designer out there.

For all of the details go here.

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Starting next week we are going to be bringing back 8 classic shirts from the 8 year history of T-Shirt Hell every two weeks for the remainder of 2009. It's a new feature we call our "Privates". If you'd like to get your hands on our Privates, you have to be a TSH member (which is completely free, by the way). If you're not already a member, sign up.

Every two weeks, a completely new batch of shirts will be brought back. But only for two weeks...then they're back to the bowels of Hell, where you won't be able to get them until you're dead. If you've been waiting for us to bring a certain shirt back, well, this could be your big chance. We're even going to let you vote on what you want brought back most.

In the meantime, all the shirts we brought back for our going out of business sale will be available for the remainder of this week only. Check them out right here.

ASTHMA IS SEXY I PUT THE CUTE IN EXECUTE I BEAT CANCER - BY CANCER I MEAN CHILDREN
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d SHITTLES - TASTE THE ASSHOLE RAPE IS NO LAUGHING MATTER - UNLESS
MEXICAN'T MARY WAS ONLY A VIRGIN IF YOU DON'T COUNT ANAL AUTISTIC KIDS ROCK
I PLANE NY JESUS DID IT FOR THE CHICKS I EAT MORE PUSSY THAN CERVICAL CANCER
NATIVE AMERICANS - SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT HARDER WHAT ABOUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS HITLER ARREST BLACK BABIES BEFORE THEY
RESTRAINING ORDERS SCHOOL SHOOTINGS TOUR NOTHING RUNS LIKE A QUEERE
I WANNA PUT MY (COCK) IN YOUR (PUSSY) FUCK YOU - YOU'RE IRISH I LIKE MY WOMEN LIKE I LIKE MY COFFEE
THE KERMIT DISSECTION HAN JOB (HAN SOLO PRINCESS LEIA) HOMOSEXUALS ARE GAY
PIMP SPONSORED BY THE LETTER E YOUTUBE MYSPACE AND I'LL GOOGLE YOUR
THIS IS MY CLONE MEDIUM PIMPIN STOP CLUBBING
COOKIE CUTTER CEREAL RAPIST MUSIC IN A MINOR
I NEED A GIRL WHO CAN HANDLE MY LOAD ABORTIONS TICKLE FINISH YOUR PUSSY - THERE ARE HORNY KIDS IN ETHIOPIA
ARREST WHITE BABIES BEFORE RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE  

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WORST.GANGBANG.EVER

I hope you've all recovered from Mardi Gras. Lord knows I haven't. Doctors say my clit is going to be on a respirator for at least two more weeks. But at least I got a whole bunch of worthless beads without sacrificing my self-respect. I got rid of that years ago.

Slumdog Millionaire won 8 Oscars, including Best Picture. Slumdog is the uplifting story of a Mumbai orphan who appears on the Indian version of, "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and reunites with his lost love. Great movie, but you know what's even more uplifting? Actual Mumbai orphans. Nothing makes you appreciate your shitty apartment and microwave burritos like a homeless 5-year-old eating his puppy. Hooray for third world reality!

Speaking of the moving pictures, after months of anticipation, the film version of Watchmen is set to hit screens this week. "The movie fucking sucks. The graphic novel is a thousand times better." says every fanboy who takes comic books way too seriously and will see the movie seventeen times anyway.

Jimmy Fallon is set to take over Late Night this week. I'm sad to say goodbye to Conan O'Brien's absurd and subversive characters, but Fallon has his own line-up of characters I'm sure we'll all come to love. Characters like "Unfunny Douche," "Guy Who Doesn't Deserve His Paycheck," and "The Reason I'm Watching Kimmel."

President Obama recently announced his plan to withdraw most U.S. troops from Iraq by August of next year. Reactions from soldiers are mixed. Some of them are thrilled to be coming home, but most of them are like "Where? Afghanistan!? Fuck! Where's my fucking rifle?!" And thus begins Operation Move the Quagmire Somewhere Else.

The much debated stimulus package finally began being distributed last week. America is finally on the road to recovery. Kind of like how Andy Dick is on the road to recovery. It's like, "Nice try, America. Try not to choke on China's cock next time you're trying to score your next 8-ball of economic relief."

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Just like two of my last three stepfathers, the economy has hit me hard. I've done everything I can think of to save money (using Venezuelan girls instead of Colombians for my muling), but I can't seem to get ahead. As a last ditch effort to make some money, I've decided to sell what I cherish most in this world: my possessions.

Instead of making my precious, precious things available to the general public on Ebay, Craigslist or a Dutch pawn shop, I've decided to give our fans first crack at them. They are listed below. If anything catches your eye, feel free to enter your bid in comments. And no trades. This isn't the fucking barter system. This is capitalism failing, damn it.

Assortment of Jew skulls - Only used a few times to eat cereal out of. I'm pretty sure one of them is Sandy Koufax.

Captain Rod's Big Angry Fuckstick - Thermos sized vibrators just aren't cutting it anymore.

Half black/Half Samoan baby - Act fast. These things don't last long when you don't feed them.

Fully loaded iPod - I'm already onto the next format. You won't hear about it until Apple releases the iStick and iPiece of Sheet Metal. Until then, enjoy picture 1your cave music, losers.

Thousands of gold bars - I know, these things are worthless, but on the off chance you want them you can buy them cheap. Wait... what's that? No way. Thanks, Cash4Gold!

The stock market - That's right, I bought the whole thing. It seemed like a good investment at the time, but now I'd be willing to give it up for a biscuit and a donkey punch.

Wedding rings, all sizes - Hundreds and hundreds have been left inside me over the years. Let all those husbands' loss be your gain.

picture 1Box of worn out uteruses - I go through one about every two weeks, but I never throw them away. I can't imagine why you'd want them, but hey, I don't judge.

A few dozen bricks of heroin - I'm not gonna lie, heroin is great, but once you've injected the plasma of a baby Eskimo into your eyeball, there's no going back.

A Jonas brother - I threw water on one the other night and now my apartment is clogged with these fucking things.

Six squares of toilet paper - Only used once!

A chubby retard - Priced to move. He was entertaining for a while, but I simply did not expect him to live this long.picture 1

A Bible - I never use the thing and I'm tired of hearing its gentle sobbing.

Television rabbit ears - They're basically useless since most broadcasters have gone digital, but you can use them to... I don't know, some racist punchline.

Heath Ledger's Oscar - You had your chance to steal it from a toddler, but I beat you to it and now you've gotta pay for that shit.

Alex Rodriguez memorabilia - I no longer want it ever since he disgraced the game by being Dominican.


Comments (27) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Jimmy Jonas  03/03/09 11:33 am
I'll give you anything to buy my brothers back! Ever since the Disney released them as the newest steamy pile of corporate cookie-cutter talentless shamefucks, my parents have had no one to molest but me. Now normally I enjoy the extra attention, but my balls can only take so much butt-stuffing.

the big bung  03/03/09 1:20 pm
I'm really into 'saving the trees' so I like to avoid buying toilet paper whenever possible and use other flushable items to clean the poo from my poo hole. That said, can I have the bible? Oh, and the six squares.

Blake  03/03/09 5:49 pm
It's been a while since I've had the chance to grab some more jew skulls. I'll give you 30 Reichmarks for them.

Barkalow  03/03/09 6:55 pm
I'll bid on the stock market for a biscuit and two, yes, two, donkey punches. No need to thank me.

Iman Azol  03/03/09 10:52 pm
I want to buy 0bama's credibility, intellect, dignity and relevance. Will you take a nickel?

Nadya Suleman  03/03/09 10:52 pm
I need the uterus. I'm going to stuff 15 clowns into it.

boris the bullet dodger  03/04/09 12:43 am
i will have the gold bars for a dime i hear they are heavy and will stop the children from running away

cesium_133  03/04/09 8:09 am
Dominicans disgrace the world by lying about their names and ages so they can make lots of money playing baseball earlier than they're allowed to. If they can make the pivot at 2nd, they're good to go. A-Fraud just took it a step further and went to Dr. Jose Canseco for his meds. By the way, that gold-colored shit you have is actually pyrite, or fool's gold, and I'll take it -all- off your hands for $9.95. Please send it in an armored car with extra guards...

Hands off my retard  03/04/09 9:12 am
Hey, I'll take the chubby retard and trade you an autisic ginger kid with ADHD. WARNING: he's a mean fucker and bites sometimes, but he does get great High Definition signals. So if your gonna keep him outside in a cage make sure it's right outside the wall that your TV is on. At first it was a pain in the ass rearranging shit but the TV is awesome. You know, what the fuck, I'll keep him too just send the retard.

P.S. I'm epileptic WIWEV OUN-892VNU2VETVB975 sorry seizure..

Streeca  03/04/09 10:26 am
I'm a jew and i want my fucking skull back. I have nowhere to keep my brain {and gold} in!

Retae Anigav  03/04/09 10:59 am
I'm very interested in the uteruses. They can be tanned like animal skins. I plan to make designer hand bags out of them to sell to Beverly Hills douche bags. That just gave me another idea. I'll make designer douchebags out of them.

Mike  03/04/09 11:39 am
I'll take all of your scraped out,over abused and brutally tenderized uteruses.They're much better than Chitlins' and work well as a substitute in Menudo.(The soup,not the band)

Ken  03/04/09 5:25 pm
I'll give you six bucks for the rabbit ears. I can use them to get better "reception" out of my wife while She services my tube. They'll give (Crack in the ass) a whole new meaning!

Death Magnetic  03/04/09 5:55 pm
If you throw in some of Madonna's over 50 year old snatch, I'll gladly take that worthless wetback's shit off your hands!!!

Adolf Shitler  03/04/09 6:57 pm
Does the half black/half samoan baby come with instructions? I think the girl scouts named a cookie after that kid! Fuck it - I'll give you 3 dollars for the little half-breed! Do you guys ship to Austria?

Jewish Phil  03/04/09 7:23 pm
I will gladly trade you my grandparents gold teeth for your collection of Jew Skulls!

fuckface assraper  03/05/09 4:01 am
i want them fucking uteruses they make a great meat pie.i ran out of martha stewarts uterus.i will give you whatever is left of my soul after Bill Gates takes his share.Fuck you Microsoft

Aphid Greene  03/05/09 12:16 pm
I'll take the bricks of smack. I only got off that shit in the first place cuz it was too expensive, but since you're selling it dirt cheap...

Quinn  03/05/09 5:39 pm
I will take the wedding rings off your hands, no problem. I plan on taking them apart, melting them down and creating grills for my 6 month old son and 3 year old daughter. I might save a few, just so I can heat them up and throw them at the two cancer kids (7 and 9) who got married in the hospital. Marriage under 10 is ridiculous, unless you're marrying a dog.

Alexander  03/05/09 11:28 pm
I'll give you $875/oz for the gold bars including shipping provided they are 0.999 purity.

Keith Richards  03/06/09 3:44 pm
I'll take the bricks of herion.it's been a long time without the stuff and I 've gone baby Eskimo plasma cold turkey .will the stuff arrive in time for my 100 year birthday party? we are having a big pool party at Brian Jones',so bring your snorkle.and by snorkle I mean that bitch Maryann Faithful.

Bill Willie  03/06/09 4:59 pm
I didn't know you could wear out a uteruse. I've had a pair of shoes made out of them for years. They do change colors from pink to red but they never wear out.

Nonny Amos  03/06/09 5:03 pm
I would normally write something funny, but no.

SomeGuy  03/07/09 9:05 am
I'll take the baby, it might be useful some day. That is as long as Madonna hasn't already snapped him up to add to her collection.....you've got enough ethnic kids leave some for the rest of us! - what a stupid bitch

X.x  03/07/09 5:36 pm
I think that last douche meant Angelina Jolie...Anyway, I'll take the uterus' and the heroin off your hands for a couple bucks in pennies and a stick of zebra gum. Maybe Pepe will be more comfortable during the next smuggle.

Billy Bunny  03/08/09 3:49 pm
I'm kind of interested in the stock market... But only if I'm administering the donkey punch. And I'll also make it a steak biscuit and sweet tea as well.

dave  03/09/09 7:52 pm
don't want the rings but might have one to add to the pile


MOO!
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-----Original Message-----

9/11 was an inside job... From: Devon D.

" fuck the colorblind that remark deeply insults me and i demand something happens

Editor's Note: I just queefed. Does that count as something happening? Demanding that "something" happens is about as vague as you can possibly be, but I'll tell you what activities I was planning for the rest of the week and we'll see if any of them appease you.

Throwing a bunch of Big Macs at a retarded employee in a McDonald's, kidnapping a Mexican baby just to see how low I need to go before the parents pay the ransom, watching Police Academy 8 and working my way backwards to the original to see if that makes them any better, and mailing a box of my stool and used tampons to Rihanna to see if it makes the news.

While none of those things may be exactly what you were hoping for, all of them definitely fall under the heading of "something." So you can accept any or all of these actions as our attempt to do right by you and gracefully move on, or you can keep on being a stupid dick the rest of your life. Guess which one of those options I think you'll choose. Oh, come on, guess. Eh, you'll figure it out, you stupid dick.

Comments (21) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Matthew  03/03/09 12:39 pm
I love that someone complains about this shirt. I love this shirt. And the best part, the part that makes me smile the most is the fact that I can't read it. So, after that brief, yet truly from the heart little blurb I would like to say Fuck the douchebags who complain about something as miniscule as a t-shirt they need never buy. That is all.

Matt  03/03/09 12:48 pm
Wow, that picture of Steve Gutenberg is quite possibly the most unsettling thing I've seen in quite some time. His suggestive smile is making my asshole cringe, and no, not out of joyous anticipation. Maybe I'll print it and post it in the men’s toilet at work and see if any of colleagues are able to deuce with him watching.

Cassie  03/03/09 1:45 pm
.....i love you - okay, now don't go taking that the wrong way...more of a I'd totally let you wham bam thank you maam but not looking to go settle down and have your baby, i don't even know you! :p

Dion  03/03/09 5:01 pm
Why is this douche upset? I mean, if he was truly colorblind he wouldn't be able to read it and have nothing to be upset about!

Iman Azol  03/03/09 10:54 pm
I think he was hopeful of getting fucked, until he found it was with the rolled up T shirt.

Bend over and take it like a man, bitch.

Raymond  03/04/09 12:20 am
What the fuck is this guys problem.. I am colorblind and this is my favorite shirt i wear it all the time .. and the fact that i am colorblind makes it even funnier . every just laughs about it ... seriously colorblind people NEED TO GET LAID ALSO !!!!

cesium_133  03/04/09 8:16 am
If she's good-looking and colorblind, I'll fuck her. Thing is, though, it's a sex-linked trait (no, you don't get it by doing the horizontal mamba); like hemophilia, way more men have it than women (1 in 14 men, only 1 in 1000 women)... so if I do find a good-looking colorblind babe, I'll have shit, er, hit the mother load, er, lode...

Color blind fun  03/04/09 8:50 am
My 2 cents-- I'm colorblind, I love being colorblind, so please Devon D. scrool down and follow the example left by Deb's kid... also Devon I did do something about this shirt for you.. I bought one so you didn't have to, and I also had a bowel movement this morning Yippie!!!

Color blind fun  03/04/09 8:55 am
I wrote 'scrool' instead of 'scroll' I feel like the idiots that send you this dribble in the first place... please forgive me, better yet I'll off myself because it's the right thing to do... All I ask is that the rest of the nimrods join me... Xenu will be pleased... LOL

Retae Anigav  03/04/09 11:22 am
Something just happened, in my pants. Devon should be pleased.

Death Magnetic  03/04/09 6:11 pm
I want to help throw Big Macs at the retards working at McDonalds. Watching 'em run for cover is just as funny as watching midgets run. They're so uncoordinated.

Devon is another one of these people who can't take a joke. Maybe Devon would be more interested in taking a stiff one in her cunt!

Your Mother's Boyfriend  03/04/09 6:45 pm
You guys have a t-shirt that says "fuck the colorblind?" Why haven't I seen it yet? Oh yeah, because I AM colorblind... well, fuck me!!!

Annie  03/05/09 1:05 am
Me thinks Devin might be a tad color blind otherwise he wouldn't have been so offended by it. I say make "something happen" by giving the stupid dickweed a free T-shirt (a pink one) with wording on the back that says "I like little boys". I bet "something happens" when it wears it out in public.

Annie  03/05/09 1:10 am
Well, shit. I see I misspelled Devon and I also had another typo in my post. I sure hope Devon makes something happen when he/she reads all these posts. Like jumping off a bridge.

fuckface assraper  03/05/09 4:05 am
i like throwing pennies i heat up at the homeless.

PitScorpion  03/05/09 12:35 pm
i love that shirt and ive been colorblind my whole life...

Spunout  03/08/09 8:08 pm
Who's called Devon these days anyway?

SAS  03/09/09 2:25 pm
Well, all I can say is that I have two friends who are colorblind and they both went ape shit over this shirt (once I told them what it said of course).

Can we start some sort of fundraiser to send "I'm a Worthless Douchebag With Too Much Time On My Hands" shirts to these people? Please?

jokerkd  03/10/09 1:38 am
There's a police academy 8???????

Un-American  03/11/09 4:48 am
This "fuck the colorblind" shirt offends and angers me. As a non-American, nothing pisses me off more than cool merchandise with shitty spelling like "color" .

sengmengida  09/13/09 1:21 am
So, others have already said this, but I am color-blind and I own that shirt and am not offended. I love it because I can wear a shirt that says "fuck" on it and then pretend I don't know that when people get offended


joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: Jordan

Funny T-shirts? There are no such things. would you print one of these pics out and show it to people you meet?... "hey look at this... huh... HUH!?.... isn't it funny!?" no, because people would rightly think you're an idiot.;

You may as well wear a special hat with the message "i think im funny because i have a joke written down" on it.... or even a t-shirt. Chances are you won't reply.. Cause you're making a living off of it.

Editor's Note:You're right, I'm not going to reply to this. Wait... Goddamn it! You crafty teenagers and your emails (I'm shaking my fist). You may think it's presumptuous of me to assume this is a teenager, but seriously, who else would have written this?

Idiotic emails from adults typically display some form of moral indignation or religious soapboxery, but this email is nothing more than unnecessary negativity and cynicism, the telltale signs of a teenage mind. Of course we all think things are lame and that certain things suck, but no one offers up those feelings quite as readily as a teenager.

"Someone enjoying something without being criticized and made to feel stupid? I can't let this happen. Hey, that thing sucks. I don't know what it is, but you're an idiot for liking it. Phew, that was close. That guy liked something, but I put a stop to that. Thanks, internet!"

The odd thing here is that this email took so much effort. You could've just left a comment and saved yourself several seconds and up to three mouse clicks. That must've been like texting someone who wasn't already programmed into your phone. You better go have yourself a nap. Oh wait, I forgot that naps are lame. Well just... go call things lame. That's lame too? You damn kids!

Comments (16) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Jeff  03/03/09 1:16 pm
Hell, make that a tshirt, and give the kid credit for it. That would REALLY piss him off!

Iman Azol  03/03/09 10:58 pm
You're making money selling UNFUNNY SHIRTS?

I bet he's just jealous he's not as unfunny as you.

cesium_133  03/04/09 8:21 am
That little shiteater... with that holier-than-thou look on his face... and to think his kind may lead us one day. He's even named after a Muzzie country. And he won't say which shirts he dislikes; "I'm What Willis Was Talking About?" gives him piles? This was a PC homework assignment from some frigid bag of a teacher who cares for her 102-year-old mother...

sideshow boob  03/04/09 10:08 am
his name is jordan. 'nuff said.

Daniel  03/04/09 5:26 pm
What does soapboxery mean?

Death Magnetic  03/04/09 6:19 pm
Yet another pointless email from another inconsequential individual. Stop crying, Jordan, you fag! Don't visit the site if you're so much of a pussy you're going to be offended!

Phukphace  03/04/09 6:49 pm
Daniel-

"soapboxery" refers to the time of week when a woman must scrub herself "down there" to keep the stinch from gagging maggots as she passes by... it used to be referred to as "soapmanintheboatery" - but that was just too damn long, and hard to remember. Hope this helps... cause that's what I'm here for!

Buck O'Fama  03/05/09 9:59 pm
Seem our little jihad jackass is getting early start with his douchebaggery. My guess is he must have gotten bored jerking off to his Jonas brothers poster. Take a cue from Deb's retarded kid, "Kill yourself, all the cool kids are doing it".

SomeGuy  03/06/09 2:51 am
Hey, Jordan, it seems to me like you're wasting your life. So I have some friendly advice for you:
TRY BITCHING TO SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A FUCK...that is all

X.x  03/07/09 5:45 pm
SomeGuy...What exactly do you think you, and everyone else commenting on here is doing? You're a fuckin' douche dude. Go drown yourself.

SomeGuy  03/08/09 1:15 am
ooohh, Mr 'I'm so much better than every other nameless prick leaving comments on this site' (X.x I'm talking to you, just to clarify). If you think that commenting on this site is a waste of your life then what the fuck are you doing it for you fucking Hypocrite?? go step in front of a bus - you'll make the world a better place.

Yuri Tarded  03/08/09 9:01 am
X.x used his entire break time writing that witty commentary. You should at least try to appreciate it SomeGuy. I'm sure it's not easy to take time out of his busy schedule as Assistant Dishwasher at the Waffle House, just to educate us.

Doctor Dick  03/08/09 11:06 am
SomeGuy, when X.x said that everyone here is wasting their life, do you think he was exempting himself? Even I'll admit I'm wasting my life, justifying a total stranger's comment. See? See me doing it? Fucking astounding isn't it? And apparently the editor gave a fuck enough to write a multiple paragraph response. So where does that leave your comment in rank of relevance? Be more original.

Spunout  03/08/09 8:11 pm
Who's called Jordan these days anyway?

X.x  03/09/09 11:26 am
Indeed, Doctor Dick would be correct. I was not excluding myself from the group of losers wasting their time replying to retards. Proven by the fact that I came back to see if I pissed you off. Although, stepping in front of a bus sounds fun, I think I'll wait a year or two before I commit myself in anyway, to anything. Now, if you need help with the drowning thing, I can go for that. Give me a call when you're ready. You can reach me at, 1-800-youreasbigofadoucheasjordan.

Amyj19  03/11/09 6:02 am
Hey Jordan, See Deb's E-mail and kill yourself. You would be doing the world alot more good than writing whiney e-mails, douche bag.


division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Deb

I was just going through your latest t-shirts. Have always loved them until now. THe one that says "Kill yourself, all the cool kids are doing it" is just wrong.Especially showing a little kid hanging by a rope around his neck Alot of kids are doing that, they do not need suggestions of it printed on a shirt.

I lost my 12 year old son last year from suicide. It is one of the most hardest things that happen.I will be forwarding your website to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Editor's Note: This IS the AFSP you stupid cunt. T-Shirt Hell is just a front. It's a complicated story I'd rather not get into, mostly because I'm lying.

Anyway, what exactly were you hoping to accomplish by letting a suicide prevention foundation know we exist? If you carried through with this, you did nothing more than bother the guy at the AFSP who has to go through people's emails.

I wholeheartedly disagree with an organization committed to preventing suicide, but I empathize with any guy who has to read retarded emails all day. This guy most likely just reads comments from dumbfuck parents all day who want to know how they can tell if Jeffrey Jr. is cutting and he gives them all the same generic response. Then along comes a moronic email from some asshole complaining about T-shirts.

And he's like "Fucking thanks, douche. I didn't know shirts existed." Now you've totally thrown off his rhythm and he starts responding to people with "Fuck it. Tell your worthless kid to put a gun in his mouth."

Besides, this is all moot. Your kid committed suicide just fine without that shirt telling him how. What? You brought him up first. And speaking of your dead kid, he has a message for you: "Oooooo, my mom was a stupid bitch. Oooooo...." I like this kid. Too bad he's dead.

Comments (33) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Little Bobby Suicide  03/03/09 11:40 am
She failed to mention that he killed himself by duct taping himself to an Iraqi martyr. That was so funny!

ALALALALALALALALALALALALA get off me kid!

Kyle Tarrant  03/03/09 11:43 am
Fuck I love reading these. BA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kino  03/03/09 12:25 pm
i LOVE when people write "have always loved them until now". they are totally fine when its other peoples problems being made fun of. but as soon as they feel that THEIR particular issue, which is WAY more important than other peoples isssues is being trivialized, well thats just wrong. lame.

itsgoodtobemike  03/03/09 12:41 pm
it's funny that she doesn't see her kids suicide as a pretty succinct criticism of her parenting skills. she shoulda bought him the x box 360 like he asked. then at leats he'd be alive, although he'd never leave his room.

Figment Image  03/03/09 1:02 pm
Wow. This is, by far, the most tasteless thing I've ever read from TSH. Seriously? Publicly blaming and ridiculing someone whose child commited suicide? Utterly shameless.

I fucking love you guys!

Minkie  03/03/09 1:24 pm
Damn right Kino. The "I eat more pussy than cervical cancer" shirt is fine, and so is the "What about all the good things Hitler did" shirt... but this one, THIS ONE goes too far. Because it's relevant to her.

What a cunt.

Krissy  03/03/09 2:17 pm
Are you kidding me... I got a boob job and bought the "They're real, but the shirt is fake" t-shirt. I found out 10 days ago that I have cervical cancer and want that frickin' shirt so bad, I can taste it!!! Don't judge me for that, I thought cotton farms were just like beef farms.

Iman Azol  03/03/09 11:02 pm
You should send her a bottle of sleeping pills and a Glock. She can put herself out of our misery.

cesium_133  03/04/09 8:29 am
It's always someone else's fault when something bad happens to or regarding a minority/weeping mother/minority weeping mother. That little Scheißekopf did humanity a huge favor: he contributed to the Darwinian way of things. Only the strong survive, which is why I'll be yelling "Jump!" next time someone is on a bridge thinking about it... even if it's me... :D

bjorn borgnine  03/04/09 10:15 am
my son was killed by the parents of a 12-year-old boy who committed suicide. thanks for reopening my wound, deb. i'm gonna go cry and eat a stick of butter.

Retae Anigav  03/04/09 11:09 am
Maybe Deb's son wouldn't have killed himself if she had stopped her husband from ass raping him every day. She should kill herself before she can reproduce again.

Death Magnetic  03/04/09 6:32 pm
At 12, he killed himself? Kinda young, wasn't he? Apparently, his life must've been pretty shitty if he was 12 and offed himself. How often did your father molest him, Deb? How quick was your intervention when you found out? Is your father still allowed to roam the streets, looking for 12 year old boys to fuck? Deb, is your father a catholic priest?

Suicide Solution  03/04/09 6:54 pm
I just called the AFSP to report you guys... as soon as I get off hold, I am gonna tell on you! They say my wait time is less than 40 minutes... must be a lot of 12 year olds calling up today.

By the way, everyone knows it's Ozzy's fault that this kid offed himself, so don't let it get you guys down!

Whyte_Devyl  03/04/09 8:02 pm
What I want to know is why there is no American Foundation for Suicide Promotion.

lildreamy  03/04/09 10:25 pm
"have always loved them until now".... Obviously she's been to this site before which means she's read these comments before and therefore do not understand why she would write something like that KNOWING she's gonna be made fun of... I'm sick of people blaming mishaps on shit like this. People have a hard time accepting responsibility. I love reading these comments!

NeedleDick  03/04/09 11:20 pm
I bought this T-Shirt, I think it is hilarious and even if a close relative commited suicide I would still wear it, not to cause upset but because I can take a joke.

peanut  03/05/09 8:32 am
i want this shirt so bad last year 5 people killed themselves in my small town (beaver, UT), so maybe if i get this shirt this town will beat its personal record.

J. Mayo  03/05/09 10:00 am
So fucking Wrong it's GREAT!! You fucking ROCK MY WORLD!

Angus McShagnasty  03/05/09 10:46 am
Maybe it was an accidental suicide. One of the "most hardest" things to do is tie the noose properly when engaging in autoerotic asphyxiation. Either way, too bad it was your kid and not a politician or diaper head.

Chiaren  03/05/09 2:59 pm
so the kid offed himself??
so.... i dont get it
she sucks as a mother an blames sunshine???
fucking cunt, buy de kid a computer hte he can look fo a manual on how to do bombs
a end his lame life alogn with som others

Eternal  03/05/09 11:16 pm
I

rin  03/06/09 8:54 am
roling on the floor

deadguy  03/06/09 9:31 am
LOL! she never lost her son.. look at the wording she used. "I lost my son from suicide, .. that's one of the most hardest things that happen."

Tardling was trying to prove a point by making up some story that wouldn't get challenged.

autoerotic asphixiation.. for a 12 year old lol.
MAN.. that was an awesome comment.

It's funny though.. I remember being offended what GWAR was onstage and took a frozen piece of shit (fake) and started using it like a dildo, anally on a big corpse that was made to look like Lady Diana. It was like 2 days after her death. I stood there and went .. wow.. that's a little much (for me).

I realize now, I should have emailled a complaint to them to get them to mend their ways and stuff.. but I figured that I'd be better off buying a concert t-shirt from them.

Neither option would have "corrected the situation," but at least I got a t-shirt out of the option I chose.

Funny as shit!!  03/06/09 12:00 pm
I'm sorry for people who's family member's have killed themselves, I have some of those people in my family too but!!! this is a free country and this shirt (sweatshirt in my case) is funny as shit!! I work for the police department where I live and I wear this sweatshirt all the time because why?!?! It's funny!!! Stop being prudes people if this offends you then you're waaaay too up tight and need to work it out some other way than sending worthless email complaining about stuff that hurt your feelings. Just don't read it dumbass!

Desert Dog  03/06/09 12:06 pm
Love the teddy bear! Saying that shirt will cause suicide is ridiculous. Anyone who has had suicide prevention knows the suggestion isn’t what causes suicide. In fact, in my annual suicide prevention training they say to directly ask if the person is thinking of harming themselves. (Don’t ask where I worked that I had training annually!) If she had a clue, she wouldn’t have killed her son by ignoring his problem! Now she’ll fix her guilt by turning in a T-shirt company. Nice. Go kill yourself! The pain goes away then. And by that I mean our pain. Keep up the good work Megatron.

Envyeyes  03/06/09 1:52 pm
Deb -
While I am truely sorry for the loss of your 12 yr old son, I cannot escape the question 'Why?'. Why did he take his life? Are you (or your family) bigots? Estimates state that 50-70% of gay teens are at risk for suicide. Perhaps your intolerant views are to blame for your loss. I mourn the loss of someone so young, but I only have pity for the intolerant idiots who push these young people to such tragic ends.

Radar O'Reily  03/06/09 6:17 pm
"I read the shirt. I must do as it says". Fucking Emo Pieces of shit!!! I have known people that have commited suicide, and I have nothing but the utmost disrespect for someone that thinks their life is soooooo fucking miserable that they have to take the easy way out while the rest of us still stay behind doing what needs to be done......DEALING WITH OUR OWN BULLSHIT!!!!! All they are doing is causing more problems for the people they leave behind when they fight over who's fucking fault it was. If they are weak enough to go out like a little bitch, all the more to ya friend!

Buck O'Fama  03/08/09 9:15 am
You may be right Angus. But I suspect he overheard his mother talking fondly of how "well hung" the gardener is, and wanted to impress her by being hung too.

Rob  03/18/09 3:33 pm
I love the ignorant bastards that state, "I've always loved your blah blah blah until i saw this" So its okay to laugh at racism, sexism, and anything else, but not at this? Get a fucking life. If you don't like it, stop enjoying all of the other things that you've laughed at so far hypocrite

IWUVDEADBABIES  03/19/09 5:34 pm
BAHAHAHA! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE READ COMMENTS, AND I AM SO GLAD THAT LITTLE PRICK OFFED HIMSELF.

I WORE THE "I SURFED THE TSUNAMI" T-SHIRT TO THE JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, AND MADE A LADY CRY. I ALMOST PISSED A LITTLE BIT IN A COFFEE SHOP IN AMSTERDAM WHEN I REMEMBERED HOW ANGRY SHE WAS.

THIS LADY IS A PUSSY, HER KID DID IT ON PURPOSE. THE LADY IN THE AIRPORT'S KID DIED ACCIDENTALLY, TRYING TO CATCH A "GNARLY WAVE".

akuzed4thingz  03/21/09 1:35 am
I think its called a "thinning of the heard". Its natures way of getting rid of the useless

Squid  04/06/09 3:35 am
> I lost my 12 year old son last year from suicide.

I think the real tragedy is that the rest of the family tree hasn't gone up in smoke yet.

tony  04/30/09 4:47 am
its good to see the wholesome folks at tshirt hell are still doing the lords work
keep it up
cause i cant

does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Submission-----

From: Faith

Briefly, I viewed your stuff and appeared to demonic. I ask you to Pray and ask GOD to reveal himself to you. Remember, Faith is not by sight (if it was people still would not believe), its by hearing.

P.S. Jesus loves you.

Editor's Note: Instead of asking us to pray to God, why don't you pray to God and ask him to force us to pray to him? I'm sorry. I don't mean to make light of your faith, but it's just so hard to make sense of logic that eats itself. I forget on which days and for which people prayer works. And can one prayer cancel out another? And why is it prayer is only answered in vague and intangible terms? And why are my walls bleeding?

As far as God revealing himself to me, well, the joke practically writes itself. However, I will add that right after he revealed himself to me I sucked him off like I was trying to siphon the world's gooiest gas. Then he popped in my left eye and, long story short, I can see the future.

That was a pretty quote about faith. Allow me to amend it for modern times: Remember, faith is not by sight or by hearing; it is by ignorance and self-delusion. That may sound sacrilegious, but the church endorses it. "Which church?" you ask. You know... that one with the building and the guy who says bullshit.

P.S. Jesus is a paint-huffing male prostitute.

Comments (20) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Cody  03/03/09 11:18 am
This is one of the funniest replies I've seen on this site so far. You should absolutely make a shirt about God "revealing" himself.

Jeses H. Christ  03/03/09 11:42 am
I honestly don't know how people can write emails like this and take themselves seriously.

Faith is just an excuse for people who are too stupid to think for themselves.

christina sidecar  03/03/09 1:10 pm
Well done yon mysterious, unseen black woman! Quite amusing - possibly the most amusing response yet written in this forum.
I do love a good laugh - especially at the christians.

cassie  03/03/09 1:54 pm
Seriously? These hard core christians confuse me something awfull. They'll sit there and tell you to pray to god for whatever because he's our savior but then go and tell you that when satan takes over the earth that god is going to sit and watch while we all die off from the demons or starvation from hiding but it's okay because after we suffer to death, if we beleived, then we go to heaven! WTF! What the hell kind of mersefull god would sit and watch as all his children die off of slow and horrible deaths! The bible is messed....seriously, go ask a christian to explain what happens after "the dark man" takes over then gets assinated after 4 years and hell breaks through the earth. (I want to specify I am speaking of a scripture in the bible, nothing more)

Adam  03/03/09 9:02 pm
Haha, nothing like a little God semen to cure what ails ya. It reminds me of Cartman's song on South Park "I'm gonna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus, I want to feel his salvation, all over my face." Genius.

Iman Azol  03/03/09 11:04 pm
Ever notice how the Bible thumpers are as illiterate as the global warming faggots?

Coincidence?

rose  03/04/09 2:27 am
Dear Cassie, Are you seriously reading that shit??? No wonder you are confused.

cesium_133  03/04/09 8:36 am
I'm Christian, and I love the Jesus shirts. The illogical parts of Christianity I throw away, anyhow, so I don't find them offensive. God won't kill us all, nor did He ever do so before. And we never arose from Adam and Eve who lived in a garden in Ethiopia with a bait in the middle of it just so they could eat it and screw everyone for eternity. I do pray, but it's for meaningful stuff, like winning lotto #'s or a piece of ass from a hot Hooter girl. Conversion of souls? That's their problem, not mine...

Retae Anigav  03/04/09 11:17 am
If faith is by hearing, does that mean that deaf people are all going to hell? Can you have faith if you read lips? I knew a girl named Faith, she was a little slut. She used to make me reveal myself to her and...well, you know the rest.

Death Magnetic  03/04/09 6:38 pm
God revealed himself to me once, back in the mid 80s. We used to call him Father Fred!

Daniel  03/04/09 7:44 pm
I used to work for Jesus. He was a short Philippino. Nice guy, good mechanic.

michael  03/05/09 12:38 am
Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand

Starsx7  03/05/09 1:02 am
Yea Jesus is great in bed! I dated him for awhile.

JimFromJersey  03/05/09 11:32 am
Fuck, that Jesus guy really gets around! He mows my lawn once a week!

"...faith is not by sight or by hearing; it is by ignorance and self-delusion."

That is...just so perfect...I think I might shed a tear. Or release some pre-cum...

Dynomoose  03/05/09 1:22 pm
This bible-beater needs a "there are two people fucking on the back of this shirt" shirt.

Sale! on all KRYLON 12oz cans  03/05/09 2:26 pm
C'mon! it's obvious God had a sense of humor or he wouldn't have created cotton back in 1776

Quinn  03/05/09 5:24 pm
hey, don't hate on Jesus, he was fun as hell to smoke with after I taught him how to use an automatic roller :)

Eternal  03/05/09 11:21 pm
Anyone else get the feeling that 'Faith is not by sight, its by hearing' means she is hearing voices in her head? Also if she sent the email under the name faith, perhaps she is implying the old addage 'Seen but not Heard' should apply to her

STAN  03/06/09 6:01 pm
Hey Faith- Jesus Fucking Hates You.

Doctor Dick  03/08/09 11:25 am
Asking God to reveal himself to someone just to say that they won't see him is like saying, "Here's the cure for your cancer. It has cured everyone who has used it. But it won't work for you. We don't have a reason why." Isn't seeing believing? I see alot of shit on drugs and believe it. Then it proves itself not to physically be there and I shrug it off. If God apeared to me as a enormous talking tower of fire, but wasn't hot and burning shit, what the fuck do you think?

division of labor

[Resume Touching Self]

When I became a man, I put away childish things. Except the ones I use to lure the children with.



 
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