YOU DON'T KNOW DICK BUT I'D BE GLAD TO INTRODUCE YOU
NO FAT CHICKS BEFORE 1 AM
IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT SHOW ME YOUR TITS
FUCK YOU AND THE STROLLER YOU RODE IN ON
I FUCKED THE GIRL IN HANSON
OB GYN KENOBI
WWJD FOR A KLONDIKE BAR
MELLO KITTY
SUPPORT THE FINE ARTS - SHOOT A RAPPER
IV:XX
TUBA HERO
SOMETIMES I PEE WHEN I LAUGH
SLAVERY GETS SHIT DONE
CEREAL RAPIST
BLING-BLING
FUCKING CLASSY
THIS T-SHIRT IS 100% ORGANIC
NOT TONIGHT LADIES I'M JUST HERE TO GET DRUNK
I SHOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN
WHITE FLOUR
FREE HUGS (WORLD CHAMPION SLUT HUGGER)

space
newsfromhell

head


WORST.GANGBANG.EVER

March Madness is underway! No, I'm not speaking of the sporting event. I was referring to crazy assholes in Alabama shooting a bunch of people. Not only is that a more accurate description of madness than a basketball tournament, it's also far more entertaining. Go Alabama Murdercats!*

*Honorable mention goes to that German kid. You don't qualify for our tournament, but hell of a show, you gutsy little kraut.

In actual sports news, baseball season is almost here. And thus concludes any reference to baseball I'll make until the World Series is here and I make a very similar comment.

Oh wait, I forgot about A-Rod. He'll be out until May because he injured... I'm not sure. Seeing as how he's a big cunt, I'll say he injured his cunt.

After weeks of controversy, singer/lady puncher Chris Brown was officially charged with assault and making threats last week. When asked to comment, Rihanna said "Uh... I ran into a door. A door that bites. Ahh!!! [sobbing sounds]"

Jay Leno recently announced he would be giving a free performance to people in Michigan who've lost their jobs. Or if you don't want to make your way all the way to the concert hall, you can just slam your dick in your kitchen drawer. Equally funny.

But seriously, if you just lost your job building cars, what better remedy than watching a guy be not funny for an hour and a half and realizing he's a multi-millionaire because of it? Geez, you might as well watch Paris Hilton exist for an hour.

Speaking of comedy cancer, Robin Williams recently cancelled some shows due to exhaustion. Robin Williams hasn't become exhausted. The universe's tolerance for him has.

Bernie Madoff recently plead guilty to charges that he engineered one of the largest investment scams ever. The trial was going smoothly until Madoff stopped everything and played three-card monte with the judge. Long story short, he is the King of America and everyone in Wisconsin has to go to jail.

long division

head

picture 1

Rush Limbaugh, professional sayer of dumb shit only said to get the attention the media always gives him, was recently at the center of a GOP-centric hullabaloo. I don't know what exactly was said and I'm too lazy to look it up, but I believe it boils down to some conservatives embracing Limbaugh and others distancing themselves from Limbaugh.

In other words, it's "fiscal responsibility and traditional morals" versus "ignorant and fucking crazy." This represents a crossroads for the Republican party. After being a laughingstock for the past eight years, it is time to either draw a hard line or embrace progress.

But if you think Limbaugh is the poster boy for this new breed of insane conservative who communicates with the dancing Jesus in his head, then you haven't heard about the newest media sensation: Glen Coulter O'Hannibaugh.

And if you think that's just a mish-mash of the names of the most popular conservative pundits I slapped together because all these assholes are interchangeable, you're dead wrong. I can assure you that Glen Coulter O'Hannibaugh is a real guy and I would like to share with you a small section of the transcript from the latest episode of his radio show: Death to Liberals and Science. picture 1

Good day, GleCOHs. Welcome to 'Death to Liberals and Science.' It is I, your liberal media watchdog, Glen-O. As always, I am on the airwaves to blow things out of proportion and blow a lot of smoke up your ass about protecting you from said things. Let's get right to the news, shall we?

Well, those pinheads in Washington have done it again. Despite all my emails and on-air lobbying, all three branches of the government have failed to do anything about my proposal to prevent Muslims and illegal immigrants from purchasing food in this country. Now I know the ACLU, or should I say ACL-Jews, would have you believe there's no harm in this; that Muslims and illegal "shame-igrants" are people just like you and me and they deserve the God-given right to food.

picture 1Well I say it's a slippery slope. Which is what I always say before I go on to say some unsubstantiated nonsense. Washington doesn't want me saying this, but allowing Muslims to buy food will destroy this country. Today Ahmed wants to buy some macaroni salad and tomorrow he's flying a plane into your daughter's vagina. Is that what you want, America? I hope letting Haji eat his Pringles makes you feel better when a 747 is jammed into little Becky's cooter.

That's about all I have time for today. I know that wasn't so much the news as it was the ignorant fear-mongering of an egomaniac, but it all pretty much amounts to the same thing when the audience isn't very smart.

Before I go, it's time for today's installment of "What Did He Just Say?" As my picture 1faithful followers know, this is when I say something degrading and/or inflammatory for the sole purpose of being discussed by a bunch of journalists who claim to be more legitimate than me, even though they often spend hours or even days discussing something I said.

Without further adieu, here is today's "What Did He Just Say?" - Martin Luther King raped babies and deserved what he got. And... Jews are just chupacabras in human suits. Next time you see a Jew, shoot it before it kidnaps and eats your wife.

Goodbye all. And remember the 'Death to Liberals and Science' motto: Frighten and pander.


Comments (23) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Besty  03/17/09 4:38 am
Wow, now that's a rant! :-)

Morgan  03/17/09 6:37 am
Whew. I missed this. Thank you.

Jess  03/17/09 9:39 am
This is hilarious. Thank you.

Steve  03/17/09 11:13 am
Being a jew, I can vouch. We ARE Chupacabras. Hide your wives and money fuckers!

Pablo  03/17/09 1:58 pm
Love the shirts but you sincerely are a nit wit. lol Stick to funny shirts and freedom of speech and stay away from politics. Progress. Interesting cliche word. lmao

Lt. Cmdr. Data  03/17/09 4:17 pm
Libertarian here... screw the Repugs and the Dumbocraps. President YoMamma is angling for "bailout money" for his fellow disaffected Negroes. You know he is. The Repugs screwed up the last 8 years, and the Asses will do so for 4 more. Enough said... I'm going to toke. Long live Michael Phelps, a true inspiration to young people...

Rowena  03/17/09 8:18 pm
Once again, I laughed until I wet my pants....how many goddam kegels do I have to do to stop the inadvertent tinkle??!!

Mark Baland  03/17/09 8:36 pm
While I have to agree with the comment by the Libertarian about the Republicans and Democrats both screwing us, As a non-rich person, I much prefer Democrats spending rich people's tax money to help the poor people whose work made them rich to Republicans spending middle-class people's taxes to start wars designed to profit the rich. That being said, I think the parody conservative rant was pretty funny. And as for Michael Phelps, he is an inspiration. Proper toking to get really high is good practice for increasing your lung capacity for swimming.

Jim T  03/17/09 11:06 pm
Thaks for starting your "rant" with acknolwledging that you had no fucking idea what the fuss about Rush was. Again, you're brilliant, and I appreciate your honesty. Now, some anti-socialist Obama shirts please.

Iman Azol  03/18/09 2:59 am
Mark Bland: Ah, another Dem farts...or spoke? I'm not sure which.

Yeah, a tax that "other people pay." Always a great idea...until they raise prices to compensate. How about a 500% tax on T shirts? I'm sure Sunshine Megatron will take that right out of his pocket. Or you can pay $100 a shirt. Or, people will stop selling shirts. No matter what, you lose.

I prefer the approach of feeding radio personalities and politicians into logchippers until they stop, and smashing morons in the face with bats until they get smarter. Now, stand still, and this won't hurt (me) a bit.

Steve  03/18/09 3:58 am
Why are there no Rush Limbaugh themed shirts at TShirt Hell? Seriously Sunshine, are you scared of the Rush, or what? If anyone ever deserved to be mocked and humiliated (other than you) it's probably Rush Limbaugh and if you don't agree with that (and even if you do) then you can blow me.

WTF...  03/18/09 7:26 am
You are all missing the most important portion of the rant - the seemingly obligatory picture of Elisha Cuthbert. After that, the text looks like regurgitated ramblings from all previous "things"...

Your mom  03/18/09 9:24 am
Stick to the shirts you tard!

matt  03/18/09 9:29 am
I like your ob/gyn kenobi tee I bought it for all the baby killers at my favorite abortion clinic to wear on mothers day. Your recent rant was also fairly illuminating and after following up on the conservative caucus I went out and bought all the firearms I could assuming the eminent demise of democracy. I hope you can start manufacturing some aclu tees with targets as it would help me identify what is in season. If not we could always throw up a handful ow lawyers as clay pigeons.

Willie Zuniga  03/18/09 9:32 am
Mark Baland said "As a non-rich person, I much prefer Democrats spending rich people's tax money to help the poor people whose work made them rich to Republicans spending middle-class people's taxes to start wars designed to profit the rich. "

The problem with Socialism is eventually, you run out of 'other people's money', which is exactly where we find ourselves today.

Good Rant though.

Mark  03/18/09 10:06 am
As a resident of Alabama, I just wanted to say I wasn't offended enough by the commentary on the shootings. We as Alabamians, when we're not raping our kids or marrying our moms, take pride in doing things the old-fashioned way, which means we occasionally go nuts, think the War of Northern Aggression has begun again, and kill as many people as Allah will allow. I honestly believe that if some of the victims had had on the SLAVERY GETS SHIT DONE t-shirt, their lives might have been spared. Not by me, but maybe by that guy. The part they leave out in the story is that he laid his mother down on the couch before setting her on fire and shooting her dogs. By dogs I mean tits, and I know what I shoot my mom with. Creamy goodness.
Anyway, your shirts would probably do more good than harm if I had a few to hold up in front of the next mass murderer. Or maybe not, as long as he's not shooting at me, I truly don't give a fuck.
You have a nice day.

Craig  03/18/09 12:56 pm
I am a conservative who loves your shirts........use your brain to come up with more of them. When it comes to politics, you don't know dick.....but I'd be happy to introduce you!

Rush's Penis  03/18/09 7:47 pm
You won't be making fun when some towelhead crashes his plane into *your* vagina

Rob  03/18/09 11:59 pm
This is the first time that i have read the newsletter, but ill tell u what, ill definately b reading more. i dont think ive ever laughed so hard about stupid shit like this n my life. I can only describe the "What Did He Just Say?" part in one simple phrase, fucking genius lol. "Jews are just chupacabras in human suits. next time you see a Jew shoot it before it kidnaps and eats your wife", that shit is grade a laugh ur ass off material. So im happy to say u gained another faithful reader. Keep up the good work, u guys r funnier than a kid with downsyndrome playing baseball.
-Rob-

Bethany  03/19/09 1:12 am
I love your shirts, they keep me laughing. I've even bought some. Things for being so awesome, keep up the good work. I can't wait till next month.

Death Magnetic  03/19/09 9:03 pm
Jews as Chupacabras? I never knew that there were Jews in Mexico. A Jew wetback?!?! Are these the same goat fuckers...er, goat suckers that have been on MonsterQuest? No wonder they can never prove they exist. They hide out in the synagogues!!!!

Jk  03/27/09 10:24 pm
i would just like to say that you are Hilarious and if there was such an award for being the biggest dick head '09 i hope you win. and if you dont win. it would still be nice if tara reid could suck my dick... or if i could get it up when paris hilton tried to.

Squid  04/06/09 4:56 am
> The problem with Socialism is eventually, you run out of 'other people's money', which is exactly where we find ourselves today.

The problem with the Federal government is that is bloats itself while doing little but serve its own self-inflating interests. Yet they manage to keep getting more and more money sent their way.


MOO!
space

-----Original Message-----

9/11 was an inside job...

From: Tony

Your Adolph Hitler banner ad is in incredibly bad taste.

Editor's Note: You're right. In retrospect we should have just had Jesus mouth-raping Martin Luther King without including Hitler off to the side masturbating. But we've already put it out there and that's that.

The thing people like you don't seem to understand is that we don't make jokes about Hitler to make light of his actions or praise him. We do it to reduce his historical image to a punch line so people who would otherwise be filled with fear or anger at the very thought of him will instead be filled with laughter.

But seriously, we do it so fags like you will get your panties in a knot and whine like bitches. Hitler's only half of the equation. You being a dickhead is the other half. You're like the douchey yin to Hitler's genocidal yang.

Later, Tony Likesta Bony (dudes in the ass).

Comments (13) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim  03/17/09 8:43 am
I took my car to the junkyard saturday. They gave me $100.

Maricely  03/17/09 11:47 am
"You're the douchey yin to Hitler's genocidal yang". That's a shirt right there. I gave you the idea so I get 10% of profits. Or at very least, 3 black babies.

Lt. Cmdr. Data  03/17/09 4:26 pm
This putz couldn't even spell ADOLF right, so his message is worthless ab initio. And bad taste? This is tshirthell.com, not Miss Manners, and if you don't like it, go watch Sesame Street. That episode with Big Bird ramming Ernie in the cornhole with the beak is classic.

Just another self-righteous twit who has to peruse what he hates so he can tell everyone who doesn't give a shit anyhow how much he hates... and so on...

FnordEx  03/17/09 6:39 pm
Fuck. Yeah.

deaths_little_helper  03/17/09 7:27 pm
At least the whiney bitch kept it short!

whoever  03/18/09 12:19 am
I seriously don't get how these dumb fucks don't get what this website is about... i mean i have never seen this website as a hater site its all just jokes... im an animal rights activist and you don't see me bitchin about the "bling bling" shirt cos its funny as hell... here's an idea: if you don't like it then get the fuck off the site... duh

Iman Azol  03/18/09 3:02 am
I will buy the shirt of Jesus mouth-raping Martin Luther King with Hitler masturbating to the side, but only if he's aiming his jizz into FDR's mouth. Or Camille Paglia's.

Drev  03/18/09 1:23 pm
I like the idea of Jesus mouth raping MLK shirt. Add Obama butt fucking Jesus like he's doing to the white working class and it's sure to be a hit. I'll buy 10!

Mike  03/18/09 6:17 pm
I believe it's the liberals saying to hell with science every time they spew nonsense about man-made global warming. But hey the petition against it only has over 16,000 scientists world-wide saying it's a hoax. What do they know?

I'm a Conservative with a degree in science, employed as a scientist, and I approve this message.

Mike  03/18/09 6:20 pm
Oh and even though I'm a Conservative/Libertarian, I think the shirts are funny as hell. They could be more rude though. Al Gore definitely needs to be fucking someone on a shirt. Or at least standing in the frozen tundra wearing shorts and a wife beater hosting a global warming conference.

Death Magnetic  03/19/09 9:14 pm
Maybe there should be a shirt with Tony getting anal raped by a silver back gorilla, while he sucks Jesus's cock and MLK's jerking off on Hitler's face. No?

Quit bitching, Tony, you douche!

KikeSlayer  03/20/09 4:28 pm
You fucking niggers and your Jew masters are the cause of every problem on Earth.Fuck you.

RavenMoon21  03/20/09 4:40 pm
Seriously, do the Jesus mouth-raping Martin Luther King thingy! Now that you've mentioned it I must see it!


joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: Josh

Well... Your monthly "thing" is quite hilarious if i do say so myself, and several of your t-shirts don't necessarily cause me to L.O.L so to speak, but i do laugh about them.

However, the "men who wear sandals" shirt makes me want to grab ahold of a chunk of hair on the back of your head and continuously slam your face into the side of a brick house.

I dont understand what could possibly be funny about it, and the jerk-off who thought of it probably looks something like Michael Moore with a little more acne and wears burger king birthday boy hat to work every day. Suck my, Dick.

Editor's Note: You think the "Thing" is hilarious? Thanks a lot, man. I work really hard on it, but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good. I mean, you put something out there and you wonder if people are going to interpret it the way you intended.

It's a tough balancing act between actual hate and satire. It's tricky because it requires genuine anger but at the same time you don't want it to spill over into something blatantly negative that's going to incite dangerous actions. But it's good to know there are people like you out there who get it. Now just let me read the rest of your email.

I WILL CUT OFF YOUR MOM'S CUNT AND FEED IT TO YOU!!!!

Comments (28) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Micheal Reeve  03/17/09 3:01 am
This one amuses me because he admits to laughing at your other shirts but this ONE in particular, makes him want to squeal not to unlike his mother after a couple beers and my delicate fucking like a freight train. That like laughing at Jeffery Dahlmer but hating Ted Bundy.

Jack Thompson  03/17/09 8:34 am
Sometimes, I pee when I laugh.


I only poop when I'm sad.

amanda o  03/17/09 9:15 am
i fucking love that shirt! people who don't should die.

Jarret  03/17/09 10:16 am
Religion is a fucking joke, that's why it's always made into one. Man, we have to get a George Carlin starter kit for these dumb ass kids so they can learn to let their guard down and laugh a little.

SZABO!!!  03/17/09 10:37 am
Notice he has been trained in the fine art of right wing attack mode- if you don't like something, drag Michael Moore into it. What a fucking loser. I hope Josh has to watch his children die slowly of cancer and then gets hit by a drunk driver during their funeral procession and slides under a gas truck where he tastes his own blood before bursting into flames.

Steve  03/17/09 11:19 am
I think this e-mailer misses the point of the shirt. Its not that Jesus should have been crucified simply for wearing sandals, but because he was a cum-guzzling, pillow bitting fagot that molested babies, camels, and baby camels. And one would have to assume, so is anyone that wears sandals.

Dr. Drunk  03/17/09 2:04 pm
Ha Ha! Jews killed Jesus!

some fuckin' guy  03/17/09 2:55 pm
Totally offended by the Jesus shirt. So what the fuck's a nigga gonna wear runners or fuckin boots while you sippin' tequila and chillin' on the Galilee?

Fuck i'm hungry.

Bitches.

Dr. Drunk  03/17/09 3:13 pm
Ha Ha! Jews killed Jesus!!

Dr. Drunk  03/17/09 3:17 pm
Ha Ha! I made the same comment twice!

Lt. Cmdr. Data  03/17/09 4:33 pm
If you don't like a site or its contents, don't go there. I am not a Democrat; I don't go to their site. I'm not socialist; I don't patronize any socialist sites. If you don't like a dig at Christ, don't go here, for you'll be seeing many of them. Funny how people hate on what they hate b/c they hate the hater, who doesn't really hate in the first place. Got it? Neither do I. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express 2 years ago...

Slut Puppy  03/17/09 10:43 pm
That sounds fuckin' hot! What do I have to do to get someone to grab me by the hair and slam my face into a wall!? Maybe I should date a young black singer!

Dude  03/18/09 1:40 am
The only thing truly offensive about this shirt is that is barely up to the standards of offensive-ness (is that a word?...who fucking cares?) that T-shirt Hell brings to us month after month.

Douchey McDouche  03/18/09 1:40 am
As a Christian, if you don't like something - instead of slamming his head repeatedly into the side of a brick house...why dont you actually practice your fuckin religion and forgive him?? If you love the "thing" I hope you're reading this - and then I hope you go fuck a cheese grater

Cindy  03/18/09 2:07 am
I just love how Christians immediately turn to violence as soon as someone makes fun of them, when Jesus specifically told them what to do: turn the other cheek. The mofo shouldn't have e-mailed you, he should have mooned you.

But that's just my opinion. Opinions are like assholes: everybody's got one, and it costs an extra $200 if you want to fuck me in mine.

Douchey McDouche  03/18/09 2:25 am
BTW... I stole my other comment from the immortal Bill Hicks - asswads like this needs to have their eyes held open "Clockwork Orange" style and be forced to watch some Hicks and Carlin

...and yes I think this should be mandatory for all people before they are allowed to belong to an organised religion. Tough but fair.

Terror  03/18/09 11:26 am
This is possibly the best shirt on the site, anyone who thinks that it isn't funny must wear sandals and should be crucified.

Religion is the most worthless thing that has ever existed...FUCK JESUS! FUCK MUHAMMED! FUCK YOUR FALSE PROPHETS!
My life is dedicated to disproving god on a global scale to end war...without god we wouldn't have war...why would a faggotchristian want to believe in something that only causes pain? Brings about war...but laughing at an innocent, well not so innocent, joke happens to be a crime....something's wrong with that picture...

CHRISTIANS ARE RETARDED...THEY BELIEVE IN A TALKING DEAD GUY!

Ladee Da  03/18/09 1:04 pm
I love when Christians use violence and dick sucking to get their point across. I think he needs to get $200 and call Cindy.

matt  03/18/09 1:56 pm
the picture of the fat chick with the burger king hat is great.

Tasha  03/18/09 3:54 pm
Bought that shirt for my boyfriend & he loves it. He also takes a kind of perverse glee in all the dirty looks he gets while wearing it. Makes his day.

ChristKiller  03/18/09 3:54 pm
FUCK YOUR GOD!!!!

smells like elderberry.  03/18/09 5:23 pm
I wouldnt lie when i said that that shirt made me love this web site. it was the first shirt i bought, and it was the first shirt i wore, i got 15 dirty looks and 3 enraged parents telling me how to save my soul. ultimately i came to this answer to my shirts OUTrageous nature. men who wear sandals do get what they deserve, fat hairy hippy chicks and occasional crusification to save your righteous asses. God bless america, so long as america constitutes an all white, english speaking, middle to upper class bunch of pussies who have to take their bed time stories literally and eat babies in storm drains in london.

Muhammed Christ  03/19/09 12:39 am
I love the Christianites that want to use violence as a means to settle their gripes, it further proves how worthles the word of their icon is to even them. Aren't you supposed to pray for those that desecrate the belief that their sacred Bible teaches them? My parents in law are the biggest douches to ever put on a pair of sandals, they give 10% to their place of worship and that makes them good people in their minds, I SAY THEY'RE RETARDS! Like the the rest of the flock that play follow the (little boy rapists) leader. I will believe in their God once he forces them to be anally raped and tortured on pay per view by Brad & Anjelina's twins with a solid gold strap on.

jaxon  03/19/09 1:24 am
ya know what fuck it... that shit is FUNNY... who cares who it offends... as long as it makes you laugh a little on the inside... it doesn't mater if you make people die on the outside

Chris  03/19/09 6:25 am
Jesus hates you, Josh.

Death Magnetic  03/19/09 9:24 pm
How unChristian of you, Josh, you fag, requesting the editor to suck your cock. Where in the Bible did you pick up such language?

Oh, the defenders of the faith. They justify their demonic actions to others with boldface lies, all the while, berating and demeaning the beliefs of non Christians. Who here is offended by the stupidity of Josh?

Do us a favor, Josh and shut your mouth. You're nothing more than a queer who is pissed off because you didn't think of it first. It's a joke on a goddamn t-shirt, you humorless, anal, penis licking, child molesting, Bible thumping bastard!

Fuck off, Josh!

eli  03/23/09 2:19 pm
dont listen to that stupid bitch, i laugh my ass off at all of your shirts but im too broke to buy them cuz i spent all my money on altering the ol' mind and stuffing my problems in the WAY back(of the ol'girlfriend). anyway people have lost any sense of tru humour they might have once had and can only laugh at sitcoms and "funny" home movies but "HELL" is the shit and i wanna go there when i grow up.

Daniel  03/23/09 8:44 pm
I would just like to say that your shirts rock and all the negative shit people keep saying does'nt mean shit. I really can't understand why so many people take shit so seriously all the damn time. It's funny or it's not! No need to be bashing on the people who think it is. I say keep on putting it out there and I will at least be laughing my ass off!!!


division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Sally B.

You are brining our nation to an all-time low ... and reflect yourselves to being spiritually bankrupt money-makers. What a pity for you that you are not happier people ... happy people don't have the time or inclination to even imagine the place of darkness that is your world.

Editor's Note: We can't take all the credit for bringing this nation to its all-time low. Ignorant, poor people and greedy, irresponsible banks did the bulk of the work. That combined with a generally worthless system of government filled with corrupt politicians did the heavy lifting. We're just happy to be the icing on the "Shitty America" cake.

As for us being unhappy, well... I suppose you're right. No one employed by this company seems to be a naturally happy person. Thankfully, compromising any sense of morality has afforded us the ability to purchase all the booze, drugs and sluts one needs in order to achieve happiness.

"But those things are all empty and fleeting" you say? Well, I suppose that's true too. But look at this - I have enough money for a bunch of coke and whiskey. There are absolutely no flaws in my five-step method to happiness.

Step 1 - Sell shirts. Step 2 - Make money. Step 3 - Remain unhappy. Step 4 - Buy drugs and/or sex. Step 5 - HAPPY!

And on the off chance the system ever fails, there's always jumping off a building.

In summation, I don't doubt you're a happy person, but just because someone isn't happy in the same fashion as you doesn't mean theirs isn't a genuine happiness. We're all different and we all achieve happiness in different ways. I do it by selling fucked up shirts, altering my mind and fucking stuff, and you do it by... I don't know, eating cupcakes with your kitty? What the fuck do losers do?

Comments (22) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Brian  03/17/09 9:08 am
Sorry, just kept looking at the Ali Larter whip cream bikini pic...all I heard was "blah blah blah complain"

Jess  03/17/09 9:46 am
I'm with you on the Ali Larter whipped cream distraction, Brian. That's probably why she's there.
Mmmmm... that's dessert worth eating. Repeatedly.

Nimrod  03/17/09 12:11 pm
You fucking lie, theres no words on this pag.....ooohhh all around the nake girl.

lol. Theres a step for each finger and the middle finder is the 3rd step.

Shannon  03/17/09 12:21 pm
"Spiritually bankrupt money makers" Sally? Really? Do you take your 5 kids to Wal Mart everyday Sally?? Do you buy shitty products for a "low everyday price" made in China, Sally? You wanna talk "spiritually bankrupt" then we can talk about Wal Mart and your white trash need to shop there.....the store that sucks the very life essence out of our country every fucking DAY! But keeping buying your cheap "made in china" products and not buying some good old fashioned HATE t-shirts. Why don't you start outsourcing JESUS Sally?? Maybe little Asian babies could save you a few pennies on your next engraved Bible for Sunday School!!!!

I was also distracted by Ali's bikini......naughty Ali.

Khemnis  03/17/09 1:14 pm
Shannon, I just had a mini orgasm while reading your rant about Wal-Mart.

Tad W  03/17/09 1:44 pm
I don't have anything to add to your response - this guy's douche-itude speaks for itself loud and clear. I just wanted to thank you for the pic - it brought back very pleasant memories.

some fuckin' guy  03/17/09 2:44 pm
so what the fuck do i put here? something about getting a hard-on over some fuckin low res pic of some dumb bitch in a bikini? Funny stuff.

I like cupcakes with my cat and I'm fuckin' awesome.

Bitches.

Lt. Cmdr. Data  03/17/09 4:44 pm
I'd never heard of Ali Larter... I have now :D My gf and I have something else to try. I love whipped cream, too. Happiness is self-defined, and if you're made unhappy by someone else's happiness, then you never were happy to begin with. Apparently, the morally non-bankrupt writer gets off by harping on other people's vision of humor. However, I can meet some people halfway; let's all be happy here. I suggest oversized ben-wa balls for her, so I can lmao while she's simultaneously screaming in pain and having multiple orgasms...

Alicia  03/17/09 9:34 pm
Hi. I'm happy. I like to walk into my work (at a bank) and flash "Let's Get Fucked Up! Like The Economy". In fact, the only time I'm unhappy is when I'm walking to work dealing with these morons such as Sally. You know that person that can't walk from point A to point B in a decent fashion.. Or the one that's too busy texting to pay attention to that kid crossing the street when they're driving... Before a person knocks a shirt maker, then should take a serious look at the general public first.

CharlieNiner  03/17/09 9:46 pm
I'm a nice happy person, and the place of darkness that is T-shirt Hell's world is the highlight of my week!

Slut Puppy  03/17/09 10:47 pm
Sometimes I just think about all the things going on in the world and just have a really good cry. Then I eat a pussy and douche myself with a cupcake..or something like that

whoever  03/18/09 12:04 am
if this bitch is so happy then why does she spend so much time reading your oh-so-horrible website just so she can bash it... every dumbass knows that if you have to hate on people (especially fuckstains on the internet) to make yourself happy then you're just a pathetic excuse for a human

Iman Azol  03/18/09 3:06 am
I keep getting told that I'm unhappy because I don't have Jesus. But when I asked Jesus if I could fuck him in the ass while he pissed in Sally's face, he said no. So I'm still unhappy.

GREG  03/18/09 10:55 am
No woman will ever be happy until she finds a man with a chocolet penis that cums hundred dollar bills. So, buy magic shell and you are half way there.

Anthony  03/18/09 12:24 pm
Buncha sensitive pussies. As long as people keep gettin' offended, I'll keep buying. Folks get any more sensitive in this country and France will take us over.

Ladee Da  03/18/09 1:09 pm
So lemme get this straight, it's not ok to sell shirts to people and make them happy, BUT it is ok to take up 4 hrs of TV air time to preach bullshit and have your lemming followers send you all their money and they get nothing? Fuck that! gimme a shirt, it's the gift that keeps giving, pissing people off and making me happy.

Brandi  03/18/09 2:12 pm
Happiness is a state of mine, which is availiable in the form of marijuanna.

Tasha  03/18/09 4:00 pm
I wish I could eat cupcakes with my "kitty". It just takes my boyfriend's cock like a good little cunt.

Creamed Dog Sausage  03/19/09 1:27 am
I love some of these emails ya'll receive. How can I help you answer some of them? Please hire me to be your designated email return specialist. I will work for 1 t-shirt, that's it, 1 for life. I love it so much I just want fuck it behind a chinese restaurant dumpster and blow my load all over this idea. Please, Please, Puhleeeze hire me. I promise to write back to these morons with all the integrity t-shirt hell deserves.
Here's an example:
What you don't like the donkey balls sandwich shirt? WELL FUCK YOUR MOTHER IN THE EAR THEN!
Pretty good huh? Oh I got plenty of 'em, just give me a shot and you'll see you made the right decision.
Here's another:
What you want me to take the tossed salad is not for breakfast anymore t-shirt off our site?
WELL EAT A CREAMED DOG DICK AND FUCK YOUR MOTHER IN HER EAR!
Nice EH?

Chris  03/19/09 6:23 am
I think you'll find more people get happy using Sunshine's method rather than whatever ur's is deary....

Death Magnetic  03/19/09 9:34 pm
What fucking world do you live in, Sally? This nation has already been to an all time low. A bunch of goddamn shirts aren't going to bring it down any more than it already is.

As far as being happy, I'm happy. I couldn't be any more happier than those wetbacks who are here illegally. Why shouldn't I be happy? I have a job, my family, my health, a car, insurance, a place to sleep, pussy to eat, tits to suck....Shit! I'M REAL FUCKING HAPPY!!!! PUSSY TO EAT AND TITS TO SUCK!!!

You suck, Sally. Now please, shut the hell up, you whore!!!

Ronnie  03/22/09 3:11 am
Sorry, Sally, but you got it ass-fucking backwards again. It's people like you that keep us from being happy. it's places like T-Shirt Hell that remind us that happiness is possible. Next time you start to think, Sally, don't stop you dumb cunt.

does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Submission-----

From: Matthew

native americans : should have faught harder you pussies? i suggest you take that off there. theres a lot of people who get offended by that and if you havent noticed you white people had rifles and we had bows.

if you want to be like that then i think you'll be fucked cause i assure you that if you went to a native they'll tell you that you should of faught harder and cal you a pussy cause theres no way you will win a fight with them and i guarantee that they would beat your face in

Editor's Note: Me understand, Whines Like Bitch. Me make much apology for heap big jokes. Me been drunk on rubbing alcohol and high on paint thinner for many moons, so me not notice shirt make water flow like river down cheek of gay red man.

Instead of selling funny shirt, maybe me cash in on liberal guilt and sell turquoise covered crap to white man who think this shit sacred to me. Or maybe me just run gaudy casino that provide nothing positive to culture or environment while still chastising white man for his greed and materialism.

Anyway, me make it up to you. Me sell something special to red man. Send me all wampum and scalps you have and me give you magic blankets. "What make them magic?" say Whines Like Bitch. You find out, Chief of Guzzle-cum Tribe.

That all me have to say. Now go eat maize out of my shit. Oh, and go fuck a buffalo. Remember to use every orifice.

Comments (54) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Kraven Moorehead  03/17/09 3:42 am
Come on, you shouldn't rag on the indians, I mean they have it bad. Really bad. When's the last time you walked into a bar off the reservation and saw more than ONE indian? heh heh

Kraven Moorehead  03/17/09 3:48 am
oh yeah, send me a free shirt you assholes. I've been on your free shirt list for 4 years and have bought 6 of my own. What do I have to show for it? Nothing but a wife who left me because I was the one they had to blow to get a drink around there...and someone took me up on it. Alimony and child support and all because of you and your suggestions, Hell I think I smell a law suit.
Ok I wont call my lawyer just send me a fuckin shirt.

Kevin Moorehead  03/17/09 8:42 am
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 Indians?

A Bartender.



PS I'm SO ABSOUTELY GAY, fucking another guy doesn't do it for me. I have to kiss him and hug him to and that is so fucking gay.

Aaron N  03/17/09 10:36 am
One of the funniest shirts and one hilarious response to match. Why do Injuns talk like cavemen, anyway?

SZABO!!!  03/17/09 10:42 am
Kraven- Fucking "Wah!" already. I've been on this list since they made it, I have purchased over 20 shirts, and have submitted at least a dozen shirt ideas- I still have no free shirt. It's a con, get it? They want your email address to sell to spammers, and NO ONE really gets a free shirt. But that's cool with me since I still love these bastards.

Kevin- Learn how to read if you are going to try and fuck with someone. How is "Kevin Moorehead" funny? "Kraven Moorehead" is hilarious, if not unoriginal. Your attempt at spoofing someone just sucks though. Try harder next time, maybe you'll pass the third grade this year.

Zeeg  03/17/09 12:13 pm
Fuckin'A! You guys gotta quit making me laugh so hard reading this shit. I'm gonna get fired when somebody looks in here and sees I'm looking at this. - P.S. Do your lawyers help guys that have had that happen? If so, I'll keep reading.

frank  03/17/09 12:21 pm
i've been on this list from the get-go and haven't bought a single shirt (and gotten two free!). but it's entertaining huh

some fuckin' guy  03/17/09 2:36 pm
ive been on this list from the "get-go" , never bought a shirt, never received a free one, but fuck it you know...i've stolen lots of material from here for my blog and passed it off as my own. God doesnt close a door without making life miserable on top of it. Bitches.

Lt. Cmdr. Data  03/17/09 4:55 pm
Me about 6% Cherokee Injun, but had much red lifesource taken by magic sharp stick, so me get all Injun red lifesource out. Me love Braves and Redskins on TV. Me not Native shit, me English/Irish/Scottish/German/Hungarian (-no- shit), so call me Injun red native and get much wigwam shoved up ass. Now me go to tavern for fire water and magic fungus...

Citizen  03/17/09 5:26 pm
Matthew,

You seem to be a bit like a wig-wam & a teepee...
[You figure it out]

A bit of constructive advice for you.

If you happen to be an upset Native American perhaps it would be in your best interests to learn to cry more than just a single tear when upset.

You see, It is difficult for contemporary Americans to discern just how upset your people are when you're so unemotional.

It could just be windy, Perhaps Running Slut had a miscarriage, Or you might have done really well at Keno... Who knows?
[BTW - I threw some litter out of my car window yesterday & it was nothing personal, Sorry about that.]

I would like to take your entire tribe out to dinner to make up for it, Can you get a table for us?


bananafucker  03/17/09 6:26 pm
what the fuck have you "faught" for lately?
Nothing...

I would "faught" for t-shirt hell before I would even put out a flaming indian with my piss...

Just a thought...

FnordEx  03/17/09 6:43 pm
You people need to get a life. and so do i. you suck, i suck we suck. and yes, i did mean "You People".

Richard  03/17/09 7:09 pm
ahahahahahahahahahaaha!!! Keep it up!!! Every time you write to these idiots and post it is a damn good day in my book!

Scorpian Gypsy  03/17/09 8:05 pm
Let me open by saying.... All these self rightous people need to chck themselves. I guarantee at one time or another they have said and felt exactly what they are protestin. What posers they all are.
It takes more balls to say what u are really feeling. As far as I'm concerned, all these haters are f*&cked up cowards.
They have no backbones and are the weakest links in society.
I wear your shirts proudly and those that cant handle it can kiss my big fat Romanian ass.
keep doing what ur doing guys... stupid eventually kills itself anf honesty and power alays prevails.

GateKeeper  03/17/09 9:41 pm
If I have one more Native ask me for money while holding a tattered coffee cup one more time I'm going to boot fuck them in the face. Or how about when I'm buying my lunch when I'm on my down time at work, and you walk out of the Fast Food restaurant by stepping over the Native that's drunk on Listerine to have them grab at your food? How about the ones that are given $100k for living until the age of 18 on a reserve just to have them go out into the world and blow it all on Crack? Grow the fuck up Matthew and haul your head out of your ass.

CharlieNiner  03/17/09 9:47 pm
Yeah, Matthew's a real NA name, rammed straight down great grandma's mouth by the local missionary...

Slut Puppy  03/17/09 10:55 pm
I ate a lawyer once. He tasted like shit. Probably from fucking the ass out of regular Americans. As a note for future reference you have to cut the cock off first or it'll keep smacking into the coals while he's on the rotisserie..

Me Tonto  03/17/09 11:40 pm
Many moons have passed since my totem pole was licked by running slut. Me want to fuck buffalo in brown eye but drunk cherokee is there first. Me not go pull the pud by me, Matthew must bring chief douchefeather daughter to smoke snot from middle leg. Matthew mad from tribe pulling train on his ass while drunk on fire water. Not pay him one scalp and all he got is loose bowel after pow wow. Me sorry Matthew, not blow load in your feather hat again. Just wear more than moccasins next time so bent tribe not look at you as bitch after drinking all fire water in casino.
How Biatch!

Lorkar  03/18/09 12:20 am
Well fuck me in the ass and call me a taxpayer!!! Another dumb fuck who was offended, I am shocked and dismayed at the level to which our great country has fallen. All of you need to get over yourselves and concentrate on the things that matter, like anal sex, huge lines of coke off of a hookers ass and drinking bombs until you puke on the same hooker.

Iman Azol  03/18/09 3:12 am
Pokercuntis. I fucked her. Sackyjeweewee. Fucked her, too. Shitting Bull. Fucked him in the nostrils as part of a sacred ritual. There's nothing like fucking an Indian, except maybe stewing a Jew. Or fucking an Indian with a Jew (lawyer joke goes here).

Snowman  03/18/09 8:36 am
How can anyone say that you aren't preforming a useful service to mankind? Half the shit on your shirts is stuff 75% of Americans think anyway, but are too sissified to say out loud. I my self think that yeah Hitler brought his country out of a depression worse then America has ever seen, 1 good. Fucking up all those Jews................. well I leave that to someone else to discuss. If you mind is so small and your life so meaningless, you can't find humor in everything just go ahead pull down you pants and run into on coming traffic. Do us all a favor. Personally I find humor in all you fools. Because if you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at other people.

Zed  03/18/09 8:36 am
I love you, T-shirt Hell. You're the BEST. that is ALL.

Bob  03/18/09 8:41 am
Anheuser Busch killed more Indians than Columbus ever did!

GREG  03/18/09 11:47 am
This guy needs to take his casino money , buy a yumbo yack and a bu wisser and shut up.

Black Dog  03/18/09 12:05 pm
Maybe Sally B should lick whipped cream off Matthew's totem pole (if he has one anyway) then he can fuck her in her spiritally bankrupt ass. Get a fucking life - this is funny shit!

I am Chief and I approve this shirt  03/18/09 12:47 pm
I come form a small tribe of indians just outside detroit, I am a SmackaHo.

Ladee Da  03/18/09 1:12 pm
I am sorry you're so angry that your ancestors decided to give away all their land for a carton of cigarettes and bottle of whiskey. Stay on your reservation, collect your government money, leave broken down cars all around your houses, and shut the fuck up.

Rhianna  03/18/09 1:24 pm
Cheif....is that you Chris?? Not in the face this time please please please!!! I have a douchy "concert" to do in some back woods third world country that's gonna pay me in small children I can sell to Madonna and Angelina.....so just whip me with an extention cord and let me get on the plane with Beyonce's ass and Jay-Z's bottom lip....I think I can squeeze in....

ryley  03/18/09 3:53 pm
yes. fucking yes. thank you.

Melissa  03/18/09 4:27 pm
Give me a fucking break! I'm nearly full-blood native and I think that shirt rocks! You have to have the ability to just take a step back and laugh at yourself once and a while. If you cant do that you're taking life WAY to seriously!

Ryan  03/18/09 7:08 pm
I say this is all Fucking awesome, to you dicks who are being all "oh thats so bad it offends people" Dont look, im sure me flashing you in public is not something you would get upset about, but you bitching about the t-shirts on this website is like you hiding in my bedroom and complaining about me being naked. Fuck you critics!!

(T-shirt hell, keep up the good work, your keeping us New Zealanders Sain)

Ira Cohen  03/18/09 7:28 pm
I would like to say that I am an attorney and a (jew) good one at that. If anyone is offended by any t-shirt slogans found on this site please let me know and I will sue them and promise to recover a shirt of your choice that doesn't offend you as a minimum settlement. I will need a retainer of $50 to get your case started. Remember if you are a nigger, kike, slanty eye jap, faggot, christionite, l ron hubbardist (tom cruiseist), greaser, you have cancer and/or are in a wheelchair. We will work hard for you to recover damages for your pain and suffering, or my name isn't Ira Cohen. The retainer can be paid in pennies, scalps, welfare checks, butt plugs or xenu currency.

Wainy  03/18/09 9:27 pm
Ha Ha Ha, please climb inside my anus & intercourse the shit outta me from said position! Indian people are big stupid faces & so are the none axe chuckers who whine when someone they have no association with has the piss taken outta them. Fuck them in the custom built Vaginas!!! Big Love

Wolfman  03/18/09 9:39 pm
This has got to be some of the funniest wompom I ever read in my life!!! And by "wompom", I mean "shit".

Spookyben  03/18/09 9:43 pm
I stopped in Tuba City AZ once at a market. There were 'Injuns' sitting around all over the place. As soon as I parked and got out of my car, they all stood up and started staggering towards me. I swear it was right out of Night Of The living Dead!

Luckily they didn't want to rip me apart and partake of my flesh, they just wanted money for booze.

Natalie  03/18/09 10:13 pm
I would like to say that, as a First Nations Injin, I bought this t-shirt the first time I saw it. I thought it was the funniest damn thing. I still do. I wear it proudly. Cos you know what? We shoulda fought harder, pussies. Get over yourself.

Dances-With-Lemurs  03/18/09 11:45 pm
Item 1: Anybody who gets offended at anything that anyone else says or writes can toss my salad. Don't neglect the taint, either, Chief Moans-With-Tampon. Item 2: Bows and arrows against guns...obviously they're not showing Rambo 4 on your reservation. Rambo kicked some ass with his bow and long knife VS. the gooks and their AK-47's, so put that in your peace pipe and smoke it...along with my 'Red Man', you whiney bitch.

Anthony  03/19/09 12:43 am
Nobody pointed out that he was for the most part wrong about the whole gun vs. bow thing, bows from the 17th century to the mid 18th were better weapons then guns and even if you want to dispute that itís a fact that we sold Indians guns before hostilities broke out in most cases. Also he said you white people whatís that supposed to mean you racist hypocrite

Chris  03/19/09 6:19 am
*sigh* if only i could've said it better...
i think you should be directed to the few tshirts that insult whites. Then perhaps you'll shut the fuck up.

Kaz  03/19/09 6:20 am
That was a fucking hilarious response to that soft ass!!! I am also part Native American. The only differences are that I can take a joke and I can spell.

G man  03/19/09 7:46 am
Listen to all the whiny wagon burners out there who always whine and say "They had guns and we had bows..." if you fuckers had gotten jobs you coulda bought a few rifles too.... Just a passing thought, though selling buffalo shit by the road side and complaining about your welfare being late take up a lot of your time. Have an awesome day!

Darren  03/19/09 9:30 am
I'm a Native American and have worn that shirt to several places, including churches and pow wows. Sure some people hate it but a majority find it funny and often rather pointless...
They view it the same as they do as they would with celebrities and/or sports stars telling them not to drink or do drugs...
Its a shirt, the same as most other people wear, mine just has something else on it than yours

val  03/19/09 10:54 am
hahaha this reply is priceless. every part of it made me laugh. i wish more ppl could learn to fuckin relax and laugh a lil. I love how u don't break character through the whole thing LOL

Mark  03/19/09 1:58 pm
Keep up the Funny Shit and more girls (almost) in your T-shirts to keep my shit up. I do agree with most of your thoughts and perspectives and I also know my opinion doesn't mean shit anyway. Do you! I like the newsletter. Also; Fuck Rush Limbaugh with a nail-studded plunger, that fat hypocritcal fuckhole. Good Stuff T-Shirt Hellions. Mark.

Jason B  03/19/09 3:39 pm
Best response to an idiot's letter I've seen yet. What a dipshit.

Death Magnetic  03/19/09 9:50 pm
Matthew is a snatch. What's this, "we had bows" shit? Are you an Indian, Matthew? Or are you one of those who can't really trace their bloodline back and you're wishing you were an Indian, so you align yourself with the only tribe that everyone knows, the Cherokee? WE did fight hard, but white trash like Matthew decided to kill off our food source and starve us the fuck out. That's the only way the white trash pussies defeated us.

Matthew, I think you should fight harder and learn how to master the spell check and thesaurus on your goddamn computer, you ignorant wretch. Stop pretending to be an Indian and respect those of us who really are and can trace our bloodline back to a particular tribe.

Pussy!

Pigmetal  03/19/09 11:20 pm
Hey Zeeg! You're lucky you can look at this at work. I shit you not, when I typed the address into my browser at work, I got a response back that said, "the category 'tasteless' is filtered." I laughed my fucking ass off. Those pinko commie bastards and God I hate my stupid ass job!

SLOOOOOW boiiii  03/20/09 4:58 am
Matthew, did you vote for B. Hussein O.? Just saying cause you have to admire his willingness to disarm our country. Just think... no guns = Injuns are back on top with their bows and spears. Makes sense to me.... HELL, lets just go back to fighting with clubs and stone tip arrows, now were back to the GOOD OLE' DAYS.

KR  03/20/09 5:11 am
LIES! We gave you guns!!!

KikeSlayer  03/20/09 4:34 pm
Fuck you dirty savages if you don`t like it.Fuck you in your red-nigger asses.Get a job and join AA you fucking primitive sub human alcoholic cocksuckers.

greg  03/22/09 1:57 pm
oh my god you little whiskey drinking bitch shut up. you lost your land and its not our fault we were more advanced then your inbred asses. be happy you now have reservations and casinos you have land that the white man gave you feeling sorry for you that the law cant go on the American government cant arrest or drive cop cars through and we trust that your tribal council will deal with your dumb asses. shut the fuck up you worthless fuck if it wasnt for the white man killing and raping your woman and taking your land then you wouldnt have the computer in your fat drunk hands to of even responded to this GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU RED SKINNED PIECE OF SHIT i men really i cant wait till your people officially kill yourselves off

Joshua  03/23/09 12:59 pm
I have this shirt, I love it. It gets more angry responses from crackers than any other shirt I own. I live in the midwest, it's a fucked up place where everyone thinks they're some part injun. If you own this shirt, you may have heard someone say "Hey, I'm one fourth cherokee". I like to respond with, "Well you're three fourths asshole". This response really pisses people off. Buy this shirt, and the rest of them too.

Doc  03/24/09 10:09 am
Thank you, Melissa & Natalie! And thank You, T-Shirt Hell. I AM a Cherokee with a full time job and no drinking problem, and I think this shirt is pretty fuckin' funny. I think the vast majority of stuff on this site is an absolute riot, and if you can't see someone else's perspective on what's funny (even at your own expense), what the hell kind of miserable existence do You have? Thanks TSH, you rock.

Annie  04/08/09 1:44 am
OMG.....this has to be one of the funniest responses I've ever seen and you always have funny responses. I just shake my head and wonder sometimes if these morons really think they can get one over on you!!! Hahahahaha

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