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newsfromhell

It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing

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torsopants logoWe are proud to announce the launch of TorsoPants.com - the hot little sister site of T-Shirt Hell. Believe me if she wasn’t our sister we would totally hit that.

But there’s no reason you shouldn’t so go ahead and take a crack at her. We warn you... it’s not offensive humor. But if you like really dry, retarded comedy we think you'll want to marry her. 

As an added bonus, if you sign up as a free member of the Church of TorsoPants right now, we’ll drop $8 TorsoWashingtons in your account. They work just like cash towards anything you purchase on the new site. As a member there are tons of opportunities for you to earn more TorsoWashingtons towards merchandise through contests, submitting pics, etc.

As a member, you get 3 chances a day to win a free shirt in the Buy None Get One Free contest (and imagine how good your chances are the first couple of weeks when there are hardly any members?) So, enjoy but remember she’s not 18, yet.

long division


HULK RUN FAST. HULK SMASH!


Spring has sprung. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, NY governors are resigning after paying to have their knobs polished...ahh, what a lovely time of year.

NY Governor Eliot Spitzer has resigned due to allegations of his involvement with a prostitution ring. And since I'm sure you've already heard enough jokes on the subject, I won't insult your intelligence with any lame puns about "Client 9" or the name "Spitzer." Instead, I'd like to send my condolences to the governor's wife and children. Also to his illegitimate children and any back-alley abortions he may be responsible for.

In other political news, Barack Obama continues to increase his delegate lead over Hillary Clinton. Hillary may be down, but she's not out. She just keeps swinging. And I'm not just talking about her balls.

But it hardly matters. Obama has all but sewn up the Democratic nomination, and with the Republican party in the shape that it's in; it's very likely we will be seeing the first black president in U.S. history.

As a fellow African-American, I hope he doesn't do anything to embarrass our race. I hate to think he would bring shame to the office once held by Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush. As long as he doesn't rape Jesus or remove Dakota Fanning's face with his teeth, I think we're good.

Enough politics. Let's focus on the positive. Gas prices are.....Madonna was just inducted into the Rock & Roll Ha.....CBS is finally airing new episodes of Two and a Half M.....We still have liquor!

penis vagina
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You've been waiting and waiting, and it's finally here. No, not a reason to live. It's our latest batch of new shirts.

Included in this group is a shirt about the lesser-known Hitler (the one who didn't fake the Holocaust) and a shirt which perfectly mocks the movie quote shirts all the cool kids are wearing. We've also got shirts for enablers or anyone who just wants gratuitous cursing on his/her/its shirt. Check 'em out.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_031708_news.htm


long division

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andyGood Friday and Easter are just around the corner. Two holidays which recognize, respectively, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Now... I know what you're thinking. 'Who is this "Jesus"?' Well let me tell you. He was this guy who lived like 2,000 years ago and died for our sins. His mom was a virgin (wink wink) and his dad was...I forget. I'm pretty sure he was really important. He might've been a king or at least a viceroy. But all that is beside the point.

Jesus was and is a highly important historical figure. I'm really surprised more people haven't heard of him. Along with Good Friday and Easter, there is a third well-known holiday which centers around him. It recognizes his birth and is called "Christmas." That one has his last name right there in the title, for crying out loud. I assume Christmas is about Jesus. Lord knows his brother, Robert Christ, was hardly an impressive man.

But if you think those three holidays are the only ones centered around Jesus, you are sadly mistaken. They are but the tip of the Jesus-berg (Which, oddly enough, was originally his name. He changed it because it sounded too Jewish.). There is a holiday for virtually every accomplishment and key moment in his life. Naturally, not all of them have established the notoriety of Easter or Christmas. Below, you will find a list of the second (and third) tier Jesus-centric holidays.
andy
Rock of Ages Day - Recognizes the successful passing of Jesus' first kidney stone.

Christsmacks - Recognizes the time Jesus slapped Judas and said "Where's the Savior's wine, bitch!"

Worst Friday Ever - Actually the same day as Good Friday, but with an unironic title.

Arbor Day - Long believed to be a day which encourages growing and caring for plant life, Arbor Day is actually a celebration of the time Jesus licked a toad's back and made out with a tree.

"I'm Jesus. That Makes It Right" Day - Recognizes the first time Jesus said, "C'mon. My mom was thirteen when she had me."

Not a Boy, Not Yet a Savior Day - A celebration of the day Jesus got his first pube.

andyTurn the Other's Cheek Day - A festival celebrating the day Jesus defended Nazareth from the invading Vampire Army.

Like Michael Jordan Playing Baseball Day - A day which stands as a tribute to Jesus' unheralded carpentry work.

Crucifixion Jam - Not technically a holiday, but still a large gathering similar to a Civil War reenactment or a Renaissance Fair in which participants dress up as Pontius Pilate, Roman soldiers, Jesus, Barrabas, or Jews with horns.

WOOHOO! - The day Jesus found out he could turn water into wine.

Christdini Day - Acknowledges all of Jesus' miracles. Walking on water, healing the blind, and the lesser known "got your nose" trick.

Yom Kippur - Originally a week-long celebration of Jesus teabagging Mary Magdalene, the Jews stole it andyand turned it into...whatever the hell it is.

Easter II - Recognizes the second time Jesus was killed and resurrected. After the guys who initially killed him died of old age, their ghosts snuck into Heaven and went totally sickhouse on him. You don't need to read up on that. That shit is true.

Chinese New Year - Celebrates the first time Jesus did it with an Asian chick. And many followed, believe you me.

Sandal Day - No special reason. Jesus just really liked sandals.

Comments (9) - View Comments - Add A Comment

zach  03/20/08 3:15 am
Thank you T-shirt hell.

Tip  03/20/08 2:29 pm
Yes Zombie Christ day again, eat all the lion baits brains to celebrate

Iman Azol  03/21/08 1:24 pm
Christ was the First Zombie

Jake Malicious  03/23/08 6:09 am
Who the fuck is Andy Gay?

Slayer  03/23/08 10:07 pm
Chinese New Year rules! I wish I could be like Jesus and do it with many an Asian whore!!! Especially the good looking ones with big fucking hooters!!!!

kimberly  03/24/08 3:46 pm
I love Christdini day! WOOHOO! day is pretty cool too.

Hey Zoos  03/25/08 8:16 pm
I can't believe that you posted this, the great and powerful imaginary man in the sky might just get upset and make it rain on you.

Mike  03/30/08 8:30 am
Who the fuck is the guy pictured as Jesus of Nazereth? We all know Jeffrey Hunter was the second coming of our savior.

Ellie  05/14/08 9:57 pm
I love t-shirt hell


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-----Original Message-----

From: Gunakan H.

Sent: Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Subject: Your Products

Dear Madam,
As a fellow muslim you should be ashamed for portraying Allah and our prophet Mohammed in the ways that you do. Do not call yourself muslim when you are so rude in your portrayal of our holiest beings, and you should hope that allah, great is his name, forgives you eventually.

andyEditor's Note: Great is his name, huh? Apparently not so great that you need to capitalize it. Yeah! I totally busted you on your typo! Just remember that shit when you blow up a bus. Muslim children will hold up your dismembered foot and be like "This guy didn't capitalize Allah!" Your family will totally be dishonored. So dishonored that they'll probably commit suicide. As if there was another way for a Muslim to die.

Gunakan...I didn't want you to find out this way, but I'm not actually a Muslim. I only used that line to get my hands on that sweet, little package contained in your sand-filled undies. Or, as you call them, your "genital turban."

By the way, while you were fucking me through that hole in the sheet, three other members of your terrorist cell were licking my asshole. A move which will henceforth be known as the "Slippery Jihad."

Comments (11) - View Comments - Add A Comment

fuckedinthehead  03/19/08 11:34 pm
Ya, you need to get forgiveness by blowing up a bus full of children and kill yourself to pay tribute to a god of peace. Phony ass religion and only sub humans follow it. I named my pot bellied pig mohammed, how's that for for insulting you fucktard.

Jesus  03/20/08 9:55 am
Mohammed got a tight ass!

Uncle Sickey  03/20/08 10:21 am
Like there's another way for a Muslim to die; great quote! Then I started thinking about the top 3 ways Muslims 'do' die and think my take is about on the mark.

1 Die in a suicide bombing
2 Throwing rocks at tanks
3 Infected bite while fucking pigs

Ok, aside from number 2 I'm pretty sure 1 and 3 are safe bets.

me  03/20/08 1:43 pm
complete ownage

Mustard Dick  03/21/08 1:35 am
I got a bj from a tranny named Gunakan once. Is it you?

Iman Azol  03/21/08 1:26 pm
As a Muslim, I'm proud to admit my main attraction to the faith was that Muhammed fucked 9 year old girls.

Now, if I could just find a school bus...

Oh, you know what's better than sex with a seven year old Afghan boy?


NOTHING!!!!!!

Slayer  03/23/08 10:13 pm
Why can't we make fun of mohammed and allah? Is there some written rule that prevents us from talking shit about 'em? Is it written in subliminal passages in the Quran? Give me a motherfucking break! I'm sure this piece of shit is laughing his camel fucking ass off everytime there's a joke made about Jesus! I don't get mad if you crack some on Jesus. I think they're funny! Instead of getting mad, have a laugh, you humorless, anal, ignorant piece of shit! islam gives me a rash on my scrotum! Come over and scratch it for me, Gunakan! Stupid fuck!

gunakan  03/28/08 8:53 am
why is fucking ninety seven year old muslims so good??

because theres ninety of them

allen k jordan  04/02/08 5:03 pm
Fucking penis leach muslims-I used to wonder what the 70 virgins did wrong, then I realized they're probably not disease free or even human!

Slayer  04/02/08 7:08 pm
mohammed is arabic for 'anal whore' Why do you think they never have a picture of his face? If I took it up the ass and sucked as much goat cock as he did, I wouldn't want my face seen, either!!! Fuck islam!

hoboner  04/05/08 7:11 am
When did you start moonlighting as a Madam?


joy division

-----Original Submission-----

From: Fuzz N.

Sent: Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Dear T-Shirt Hell,
I initially wanted to write a hateful letter to you, filled with barbed vitriolic insults for you, your colleagues, and your products. The more I thought about it, though, the more I started to think that this is going to turn into a love letter. Let's see how it turns out.

You see, I hate these shirts you make. They are anti-comedy. If your shirts came in contact with actual comedy, they would be annihilated. They are the antithesis of the original funny quip that was originally committed to paper with pen. While the original "joke" or "sentence" or "pun on a shirt" may have been humorous, the finished product, in its practical day to day application is like comedy cancer.

Don't get me wrong, I like one-liners as much as the next guy, I am known to chortle heartily at a well-crafted pun, so don't take me for a humorless dick. It's just that once you wear the joke on a shirt, it's done, the joke is over. One guy sees it, laughs at the pun, and then you have to take the shirt off because you already used up all the jokes it had to offer. Any further application of the joke is just offensive. Not in the "the shirt has curse words, I'm offended" but more like "have you no decency? look at what you're doing to comedy. I'm offended". It's a product so devoid of originality that it takes a very special sort of idiot to appreciate it, purchase it, and continue to wear it after one washing.

This brings me to my next point, I love your company. By catering exclusively to idiots, you have found a way to generate an almost insufferable stream of money from imbeciles who are so devoid of creativity and wit that they need someone to say something witty for them permanently on a shirt. Thanks to fast digital printing technology, once the topical joke of the moment goes cold, you have another 18 waiting in the wings fur purchase in sizes up to 5XL. How ingenious! The best way to make a buck is to bilk rich folks or idiots, and what better place to find idiots than on the internet? And kudos on making products for babies, one of only two demographics that can't actually make purchasing decisions, yet somehow get the most ridiculous bullshit purchased on their behalf. I see that you used to make shirts for pets too, so you already covered the other half.

On the other hand: these fucking shirts. I, like many people, go to college, and all I see is wave after wave of glassy-eyed mouth-breathers on their way to their next class/nap wearing your products. To be fair, they might be your competitor's products as well. They're rather hard to tell apart what with your shirts being swapped like so much semen. It's like reading the same level of comedy pablum that Cathy and Family Circus are made of.

On the plus side, the shirts are a sort of IQ barometer. At the bottom of the scale are the obvious single-entendre jokes about tits and blowjobs, further up the scale you have topical shirts about the election or immigration or what have you that show at least a cursory knowledge of current events, and nearing the 60-point level are the cleverest of the shirts, like your "Han Job" shirt which could mean one thing (but it could also mean another, dirtier thing!).

In short, I'm torn: I hate your products and the people who buy them, but I love the business you do.

Best wishes,
Fuzz

Editor's Note: Oh yeah? Well your mom's pussy stinks.

The sheer volume of what you have written here suggests to me that you take goofy t-shirts, and life in general, much too seriously. The global economy doesn't warrant this much analysis, let alone some fucking shirts.
andy
You seem to have applied an importance to our shirts that doesn't exist, which would be foolish enough if you hadn't done the same thing on behalf of our customers. Do you really believe someone wearing a "He loves the cock" shirt thinks he's got a brilliant witticism slapped on his chest? No. He just wanted a retarded shirt to wear to the bar and share a chuckle with some people who aren't elitist cunts.

It would be easy for me to respond to this by sarcastically confirming your criticism ("That's right, we're making money off of idiots."), but on top of being cheap I also think it does our customers a disservice. I don't want to sound like I'm sucking their dicks too much here: I'm sure no shortage of them are drunken assholes and bitches. But I believe by and large most of them are just people who like to have fun. And I'm sick of people like you using them as your punching bags just because you have a stick up your ass.

I'm sorry there are those whose idea of a good time doesn't involve listening to some "humorist" read a passage from his latest novel on NPR, or listening to a bunch of white guys in their mid-50s fart out shitty music in a jazz club. Some people just enjoy life and they give fuck all if people like you, who have nothing better to do, look down on them.

Of course, we all have facets of the culture that we detest, but only people like you trick yourselves into believing it's relevant. You know, I think Larry the Cable Guy sucks. I think Toby Keith sucks. But I don't ignorantly believe their popularity is a sign that our society is circling the drain. Society is circling the drain, but not because of something as trivial as entertainment or clothes, for fuck's sake.

And how much longer are you hipsters going to go to the "insulting something by describing it" well? The, "Han Job" crack? That can be done with anything and everything. "Oh, this is the part where David Sedaris is dry. Oh, this is the part where Jon Stewart reacts in an incredulous manner." You see? I can be condescending too.

You and the rest of your pseudointellectual ilk make presumptions about people just so you can feel superior to them, but the sad fact is that you're the same useless husks: you simply have a few more words at your disposal. It would be bad enough if you only passed judgment on things like religious or political beliefs, but to judge others based on something as superficial as clothing choice...Jesus Christ. That, to me, is the definition of an idiot. And I don't give a fuck what your shirt says.

Comments (43) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Thiago  03/19/08 10:31 pm
Hey, very nicely done! Nice to see a sensible reply for once! I especially liked the big words like "ilk" and "husks" !!!! =)

Impressed  03/19/08 10:34 pm
Christ, have you considered a career in law? I have yet to witness a single person successfully bash T-Shirt Hell and not be verbally raped by your response.
Remind me not to piss you off in a conversation

manther  03/19/08 11:32 pm
This guy could have saved himself tons of time and effort if he just typed "i have never had sex, ever!". i bet if he got a little stank on his hang-down, he would be wearing a "If this shirt is on your floor, we totally fucked" t-shirt the next day. it's amazing how much a little pussy will blow the intellectual, holier-than-thou attitude right out the window. poor, dumb, backed-up son of a btich.

fuckedinthehead  03/19/08 11:38 pm
Wow, even more ramblings from a pseudo intellectual. This uber fucktard knows comedy, reader's digest might consider publishing his material if they run out of " good ones "

Brad  03/19/08 11:59 pm
Is it just me... or did this cunt use every word in the fucking thesaurus?
Well done, captain vocabulary! You've proven yourself quite the pretentious twat.

Barkalow  03/20/08 2:15 am
Wow. That has to be the greatest amount of sheer verbal ass-whoopin I've ever seen. Bravo.

Larry the Cable Guy  03/20/08 9:41 am
Fuck you T-shirt Hell!

Jon Stewart  03/20/08 10:46 am
Oh, fuck me T-Shirt Hell! (please?)

a stupid Idiot who buys your shirts  03/20/08 12:03 pm
Here is the telling quote from Capt. Asshole (AKA Fuzz):

" It's just that once you wear the joke on a shirt, it's done, the joke is over. One guy sees it, laughs at the pun, and then you have to take the shirt off because you already used up all the jokes it had to offer."

See, this guy only has a single "friend" (his Mom). He spends his time sitting on his pimply ass playing "World of Warcraft" or "Second Life" (odd, since he doesn't have a First Life) instead of hanging out with friends, going out to bars and drinking, going to sporting events, concerts, etc, where *MILLIONS* of people will potentially see the amusing shirt and laugh. It's sad... I'd advise him to get out of the house and see what the sun is like, but with his translucent skin I'm afraid he'd just burst into flames... Hmmmm..

NOT A PRETENTIOUS CUNT!  03/20/08 12:18 pm
Very well said. Thank you for putting douche bags like that guy in their place. T-Shirt Hell Rules!

Bri  03/20/08 2:55 pm
Wow, that Fuzz guy sounds a proper cocknocker.
Kinda sad so many people have no sense of humour, too much Little Britain for him i reckon...

skinnygirl  03/20/08 6:03 pm
I like how he has this conception that T-Shirt Hell is robbing the slobbering retards of the world of their cash by making a product they deem attractive. Does he plan on writing a love letter to every member of corporate America? "Dear Disney...," "Dear Apple...," "Dear MTV...," etc. Luckily, we the glassy-eyed mouth-breathers have the spare cash to waste on our inanities. Though, to be honest, my "I Should Be in the Kitchen" shirt is the perfect source for my master's thesis on the ironies of modern feminism, so perhaps I haven't been bilked as much as the rest of you idiots.

chris  03/20/08 10:02 pm
After a day at my soul-sucking job, seeing you give the haters like fuzz(nuts) and mess the proper verbal beat-down they so richly deserve does my battered heart good. By the way, you are fine as hell.

Iman Azol  03/21/08 1:30 pm
Let he among you who is not an idiot who bought a T Shirt Hell shirt cast the first stone.

fuzznuts  03/21/08 4:12 pm
fuzz sed "do" - nyuk nyuk nyuk

Charlie Bravo  03/21/08 6:01 pm
Betcha a dollar Fuzz is over 40, a Christian missionary, a failed musician, balding, and a real-estate agent, who jacks off to classic Three Stooges tapes when he's not busy mowing each individual blade of grass on his lawn or blow-drying every snowflake off his driveway as the snow falls. Douchebag AHOY!


FuzzyNutCracker  03/21/08 6:46 pm
Nobody likes a killjoy, Fuzz N. You are a shit hook. Do the world a favor and befriend a suicide bomber. In addition to blowing him, you can hold the fuse while he lights it.

Fuzz N  03/22/08 2:43 am
Pretty good rebuttal, I do agree with several of your points. While Toby Keith and Larry the Cable guy aren't causes of society's decline, I'd say that they're a decent barometer.

I'm afraid you've all missed the mark in guessing who I am, though.

I'm 26, not a virgin, live with my girlfriend, don't listen to NPR or jazz, don't read reader's digest, not a christian, don't mow the lawn, don't play WoW or Second life, do have friends and go to concerts, don't regularly write letters, not a musician nor balding. As to whether or not I'm a cockknocker, shit hook, elitist cunt, or douchebag, I suppose that's for you to already decide. I do like the Stooges, but not to the degree that you mention.

I'm probably a lot like you guys. I really enjoy life and I take great pleasure in the simple things that make most of happy: a good sandwich, a guy getting hit in the nuts, pooping.

It's not that the jokes themselves are bad, it's their delivery that is insufferable. Imagine you and I were watching Star Wars and I made the same "Han Job" quip that's on the T-Shirt. That would be funny, and we would both laugh. Now imagine I said it every time I saw you. That's less funny, and you'd start to get annoyed by the 4th day that I do this.

There's a difference between being superficial and knowing people. See, I've got this friend, let's call him James, and he's got a wardrobe full of these shirts. It's all he wears. And wouldn't you know it, James is the biggest toolbag I know. You wouldn't believe the kind of diarrhea that spews from his mouth on a daily basis. He, along with other clown shoes, have firmly cemented the link in my mind between unfunny gimmick tshirts and douchebaggery.

Don't be that guy.

D  03/22/08 2:48 am
t-shirt hell e-mail response person....*claps for you* bravo...bravo

Fuzz N  03/22/08 3:14 am
By the way, thanks for publishing my letter. It really made my day.

Gregor  03/22/08 6:53 am
Well Fuzz, you say your mate "james" is an idiot. You can tell the quality of a person by the type of with people they hang around. I feel sorry for james having you hang around with him all the time! Your life has now been validated. You got a letter on TSH! Now fuck off & die! Violate your mum later, Gregor

Ben  03/22/08 8:42 am
i often find user comments to be useless crap, often full of over the top lame comments meant to sound hardcore like "do the world a favour and kill yourself", cos wow, nothing says im right like a go kill yourself line. however ive also noticed another trend you lame fools have picked up on. the "oh u live in ur mums basement and play video games all day, go out and get laid hur hur" comments. these are the stupidest shit ever said on a message board. first, theyre useless as a payout unless true, its become the same as saying "you have a small dick" to someone. its not offensive, unless you DO have a small dick, in which case you might not be impressed. im yet to find even one of these "loser internet nerd" comments amusing, and they should really be saved for people who arent saying them online. cos really, who the fuck are you trying to fool, youre as bad as they are.

Hugh Jass  03/22/08 1:44 pm
First of:
Ben, you must get to the light, so leave your mother's basement and quit playing with your small dick.
Fuzz nuts: (I am assuming this due to your verbal premature ejaculation.)
Are you a comedy critic? I didn't recognize your name. It's because you are not, so please stick to what you know best. Nothing. And you ARE a "humorless dick".
The fact that you state that you"love" the T-Shirt hell company and the profits you assume it makes shows your money driven whore whose lack of moral values are lower than molten rock, so your criticing anything is useless.
It's OK Fuzz, not to be funny. "Imbeciles", "devoid of creativity", sounds like you are ready to run for office except for the fact that your "in college".(wink wink). I really think that you are just upset your size shirt isn't in stock.( shirts only go so big.)
I, for one, am looking forward to your 2020 campaign when you have finished that Liberal Arts degree.(hopefully) Just don't get caught like Larry Craig.

Proud  03/22/08 3:23 pm
It restores what faith I may have lost in the news letters. It's great to see a reply that isn't filled with swear words or calling the person every name in the book (those are entertaining though).

Cren  03/23/08 3:11 am
I've brought a shirt so I am probebly not the quickest cat but writing an email like that would have taken me ages and who the fuck has the time? save it for 'college' faggot har har har

Fuzz N  03/23/08 6:20 am
HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS!

Ben (Dover)  03/23/08 6:23 am
I think I'm being hardcore by hating on comment-writers who hate on comment-writers! Look at me! I'm a holier-than-thou, pretentious asswipe! Watch as I masturbate with a rusty fishhook to CNN whenever Obama bin Laden appears!

Satan  03/23/08 10:34 am
What I'd like to ask so many of the people who write in: Why do you care?

Shannon  03/23/08 12:11 pm
Fuz: If the idea that other people like shirts that you don't like is really completely incomprehensible to you, you're a douche. End of story.

Medic32  03/23/08 12:13 pm
Wow! Quite possibly the best, and most appropriate reply I have ever read, and towards a douchebag that completely had it coming. Go ahead, hit him again Ike!

Chelsea  03/23/08 2:47 pm
Heeeey... I'm translucent and play WoW, but I'm not a twat! Well, I'm not a twat in the company of others, which I never enter. Same shit? Nobody cares.

Way to fuck it up, Fuzz. You just got your balls cut off.

laurie bush  03/23/08 6:50 pm
u both rock

What a tard.  03/23/08 7:08 pm
Dude, Mr. Fuzz. You're so retarded. I can't believe that you could compare a shirt to actual life. I mean, I think a shirt about cancer is funny, but I don't go into hospitals and laugh at kids with Leukemia, because in real life, cancer isn't funny. I like seeing tits, and seeing them in real life is guaranteed to get me wet, but seeing a picture of them over and over and over is kinda like, "eh". So the delivery of things in real life is very valid, but on a shirt? Not so much. If your life depends on witty shirts and such, go live in a nudist commune. And stop commenting on your own letters, Jesus Christ. Do you have a life?

Dan  03/23/08 7:13 pm
re: letter.

TL;DR

This_Guy  03/23/08 9:34 pm
Only children and animals?? There have got to be other demographics that are not able to speak for themselves. The feeble-minded, retarded, mute, deaf folks with their hands cut off, the elderly (well, no one listens to them anyhow), the abused (they won't be speaking up anytime soon), Jews (see elderly and abused), throat cancer "victims", the dead, aborted fetuses (and yes, HUGE emographic there, at least for the fetishists and other decent people of society)... That's what I can come up with in the time it takes me to get off while masturbating to beastiality related pornography with Muhammed's head printed on the latex condom, and of course that helps.
Friggin elitist "Fuzz". Go back to class and whine about the downfall of humanity while you take notes from your professors who fill your mind with drivel...OH SHIT!! There's another demographic!

Slayer  03/23/08 10:49 pm
Pathetic! Get a fucking life, man! You needn't tell people how old you are, that you aren't a virgin, and live with your girlfriend, etc, etc. Those bits of information are, to say the least, of no consequence and present you as a shallow and disconnected person.

What do you see from where your standing? I see someone who lacks the vision to enjoy life. I, for one, am not an "idiot", as you so eloquently put it. Although, I find individuals like you offensive. More offensive than a fucking tshirt. It's interesting that you'd say you hate me, when you have no idea who I am. Considering that you're a mere 26 years old tells me you don't know shit, especially about life. Tell me, who have you been swapping semen with, man? You seem to know quite a bit on the subject Is that one of the classes you take "in college"?

Your letter was interesting in the fact that you wasted probably about 100 million brain cells gathering your arrogant and jaded thoughts. No chance to recover those, eh? No matter. You didn't need 'em anyway!

Tell your girlfriend I'll be over later to leave a deposit......IN HER MOUTH!!!


James  03/23/08 11:16 pm
You guys are hilariously missing the whole point.

Guppy  03/24/08 3:33 am
T-Shirt Hell 10 - Looser who couldn't get laid even if he was gay and cloned himself 0.

deaftouch  03/24/08 7:33 pm
WRONG! there is a t-shirt here that has a pun on it that stays fresh time and time again. the monochrome rainbow with 'straight' written under it. one of my gay friends got it for me 'cause he was tired of other people assuming I was gay also, and thereby assuming we were a couple. that is a very cool gay friend

Deanna  03/25/08 9:34 am
Bravo on the response. Very nicely done. I must say, though, I too, am a college student. I happen to own and wear several T-shirts purchased from T-shirt Hell. I even wear them to COLLEGE. However, I would describe my eyes as luminescent, not glassy. Oh and I breathe through my nose most of the time, unless someone smells like patchouli...then I just hold my breath. Dirty hippies.

Puddin' tame  03/27/08 8:55 am
right the fuck on. I always get a kick out of your responses to those kind of pompus peeps.. you go girl/whore/cunt/whatever... nicely done.

hoboner  04/05/08 7:40 am
I wish I could see, just once, an almost insufferable stream of money.I can't even imagine one. In fact,I don't believe there is such a thing.I suspect Fuzz was just having a bad day, maybe he put his panty liner on upside down.

Jessica  04/10/08 1:30 pm
Fucking brilliant response. I hope that was one of the mails you literally sent a rebuttle to. Although, if his friend group is as large as his word count (impossible) then chastising one of them may only spawn more. Thanks for sticking up for us.


division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: mess*** @ free***.com

Sent: Friday, March 14, 2008

Wow, somebody just sent me your website with that remark about "its racist and sexist as hell but your just working with what you got". You should put a photo of yourself up there so that everyone would know what kind of racist sexist coward you really are, cause your hiding out aren't you? you little creep. you can do that in Arizona, you can't do that in the big city where REAL people are. Anyway, your an asshole and i hope your whole entire company blows up in your face. And by the way...your mother's a cunt. She shoulda swallowed.

andy
Editor's Note: My mother did swallow. But enough about my poop. Zing.

If you're sincere about wanting this company to blow up in my face, I know this guy named Gunakan who can...never mind. Anyway, what gives you the idea that I'm in Arizona? Oh...it's because of our shipping address. I can assure you that is only done for tax purposes. Also, I'm wanted for monkey-scalping in every state except Arizona, so as far as the Feds know, that's where mommy lives.

But don't worry about me. I'm having the time of my life right here in Oxnard, TX. And that's how it'll stay until NYC can provide me with an area for cow-tipping and legalized Jew-hunting. Keyword being "legalized." And "Jew."
Despite the fact that you called my mom a cunt (you don't know how right you are), I have decided to grant your request. Here, in all of its xenophobic glory, is a picture of yours truly.

Comments (28) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Lauren  03/19/08 11:48 pm
I can't decide if that's really you or not. Could be a porn slut. Could be both.
PS Since when did women get pregnant from spitting jizz from a BJ?

Destine  03/20/08 5:34 am
If that picture is you, then I think you are very, very, very beautiful, if not, I'd still hit that;-) Your intelligence and wit are quite refreshing. I totally loved how you zinged that judgemental college tightass. I love wearing my t-shirt hell shirts to school! And, I love you! Keep up the great work!

Dethbed  03/20/08 8:51 am
Sausage Fest ^^^

Lyndi  03/20/08 9:37 am
I didn't know Ravon Simone was the T-shirt hell queen...wow, awesome, I loved you in the Cosby Show!

Ben  03/20/08 9:41 am
Wait, wait, wait, hiding in the middle of nowhere, instead of being out in the open in the middle of a big city? That makes sense. You stick out like a sore thrumb in the middle of nowhere. There's no one to blend in with. What a tool.

Raquel  03/20/08 9:48 am
Man, I live in Arizona! I had NO CLUE all the people around me were fake! Bizarre...

Michael Cockpit  03/20/08 11:27 am
Of course. City's are the place to find real people, living real lives, where you never come into contact with another animal and your skin never touches soil. Just like how people are supposed to be, where you live properly by way of typing shit into a computer for half the day then walking two hundred yards to get your food from some jars and once or twice a week congregate with other people, mostly strangers, packing into a room where electronic speakers play and trying to forget life in that same way as a caged animal masturbates or gnaws at a limb. That's how real people live.

On the other hand, I'd totally do her, but only if she didn't want it. Which she probably wouldn't, as I have a strange shaped penis.

Yobee  03/20/08 12:29 pm
Wow, now I want to fuck your shirts AND you.

BTW, the pic is my mom, you cuntbag :)

matt  03/20/08 3:50 pm
monkey scalping is becoming an epidemic. I did a ten year stint in Chino for scalping monkeys. You gotta hit em hard to get through their cornrows!

Gregory Mook  03/20/08 5:22 pm
just look on wikipedia for T-shirt Hell, and you can find a link for Sunshine Megatron's homepage, and se what the editor looks like........

jecka  03/20/08 5:32 pm
so, they didnt know about your products until they visited the website, however they knew the return address which is only on the receipt? hmmmmm

Michael  03/21/08 11:17 am
everybody who's said "is that you?" or "you're hot" is a fucking moron. I dont care if "ooh, I knew its not really him, I was just pretending" you're still a tool

Iman Azol  03/21/08 1:33 pm
Yes, people in Arizona aren't real.

And people in New York are boring faggots.

jason brown  03/21/08 4:17 pm
Cunts are good things.

Shaven Raven  03/21/08 6:48 pm
HEY! You look just like me! I knew I liked you.

Duckyistrippin  03/22/08 6:07 am
lol well the last time i checked i was real... haha

Tyler  03/22/08 7:20 am
Damn, you're hot and hilarious! Perfect combo

tbagger  03/22/08 8:28 am
I would toss ur salad until the cows cum home!!!!

evilklown  03/22/08 10:21 am
Another day, another death threat, eh? Remember that time when you were thinking about closing the site down because you got these death threats and then got a tummy ache and thought the two were related? What a douche! Haha.

Me  03/22/08 12:54 pm
Texas is great for cunthunting. Not enough guns or people to kill although alot of jew desereve what hitler gave them.

Mike33831  03/22/08 6:07 pm
Wow. You're hot! (Before, I only wanted you for your mind ;)
"...until NYC can provide me with an area for cow-tipping and legalized Jew-hunting....."
It does. It's called "The Rest of the State" (I can see some from here. Cows , that is.) There's a reason Hillary came to NY. A lot of it's more like Arkansas than Arkansas. Y'all c'mon up, anytime . :)

Jack Kass  03/23/08 4:47 pm
Michael, you do realize that editor is a woman, right?

Bear  03/23/08 5:20 pm
He realizes Arizona is a state and not a city, right?

Slayer  03/23/08 10:54 pm
Is that really you? If so, can I fuck your tits? Please?!?!?!

erica  03/24/08 3:15 am
we were discussing the symbolism and relevance of bunny rabbits and chocolates and eggs and such to easter the other day at work, when our boss explained it all to us and finally, for the first time in my life, easter makes sense!!! you see, we celebrate easter the way we do to commemorate the day that jesus hid his eggs in a rabbit's chocolate hole! i just wanted to share this illuminating revelation with you all!!! =)

Tom Tuttle  03/24/08 1:35 pm
Sarcastic wit and nice tits? I'd love to bang that but she'd probably mock my penis.

Jay  03/24/08 6:30 pm
god damn you look like a older , Hotter version of raven. love you and your lame ass company. make that money. oh and fuck muslims and jews, niggers,honkeys, wetbacks, gooks and the rest. See, in America I can say that. stop the hate ...buy a tee shirt

ludachris  03/27/08 4:12 pm
you are fucking awesome... I can't really tell but it kinda looks like that raven bitch from disney or whatever.... it is a pretty picture tho, and if it is you, im sorry i said you look like that Raven bitch.

Anyhow, however you look, you are obviously extreeeeeemly intelligent, and eloquent, and funny as hell! I love your commentaries. and the shirts and shit are cool too. Thanks for all of it.


does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

[Suck Long, Soers]

Home is where the heart is. I guess I'm homeless.

Peace


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