03/25/04

-------------------------------------------------------------
NEW SHIRTS, NOW 10% FUNNIER
-------------------------------------------------------------

Go look at our new shirts, bitch. This batch has
everything- love, sex, romance, and other sick
shit you're sure to enjoy.

http://www.tshirthell.com/newshirt297.htm

-------------------------------------------------------------
IN THE NEWS, SORT OF...
-------------------------------------------------------------

Our friends over at Maxim featured one of our
shirts in their latest issue. Of course you can't
really read it and it's sort of out of date, but we
still love Maxim because they're not pussies like
FHM and the issue includes some smoking photos
of Paris Hilton who still looks good even without
a mouthful of cock.

We were also featured on, "The Nooner" on Spice TV.
The lovely and talented Holly Hollywood went to town
and obediently followed the instructions on our,
"If you're already this close why don't you suck my
dick" shirt. Try to catch it in reruns.

And most importantly, "Time Out NY Kids" ran
an article on our baby shirts, and misspelled my name.
But if you think Paris is hot, check out the smoking hot
10 year old these guys have on their cover.

The magazines are in our press section, the blowjob
scene with Holly Hollywood is on Spice and in my
sweet, sweet memories.

Read the Press mentions here
http://www.tshirthell.com/press.htm

-------------------------------------------------------------
WHERE IS THE LOVE?
-------------------------------------------------------------

We don't advertise. But when a very prestigious website
came crawling to our door and begged me to advertise with them
I had to give it some thought. When they licked my balls and
sent me bon bons I decided to give them a chance.

So we spent weeks setting it up and talking to them on the
phone listening to them tell us all kinds of stories about
how great the campaign was going to be.

Well it wasn't. It didn't do shit. For some reason they
wouldn't let us say "fuck" in our ad even though nowadays
you can turn on your TV and hear Big Bird say it. (Specifically,
"Oh Oscar, bend me over the trash can and fuck me like
you hate me." Then Oscar said, "I do hate you. I love trash.
This hate fuck was brought to your narrow bird ass by the letter
A and the number 10; for the 10 inches of grouch you'll be tasting
all afternoon.")

Then, to add insult to injury, they called us and told us
they couldn't run our ads anymore. Why? Because
they found some of our shirts objectionable. They
called us and they never bothered to look at the whole site.

These guys will sell ads for German websites where women
are buried up to their necks in dogshit while they get fucked
in both ears by leatherclad midgets, (Incidentally, a great
fucking site that I've bookmarked and visit regularly. But
that's not important.) but our site is offensive?

They told me that their founder wants his site to reflect his
values. Well I'm glad they don't include freedom of speech
because that one is so overrated.

-------------------------------------------------------------
THE HATE MAIL MARCHES OUT
-------------------------------------------------------------

> ----- Original Message -----
> From: <asm@***.edu>
> Sent: Tuesday, March 16, 2004 3:21 PM
> Subject: School Shootings Tour T-Shirt
>
> > Hello.
> > I just wanted to drop you a few lines letting you know how
> > thoroughly disgusted I am with your School Shootings Tour
> > T-Shirt and I urge you to remove it in honor of those
> > murdered in those shootings. I realize that in the scheme
> > of things, not all people were personally affected by these
> > school shootings, but many were. I went to Pearl High School
> > at the time of the shooting there. I was acquainted with
> > some of the people who were murdered that day. Let me
> > rephrase that, I was acquainted with some of the CHILDREN
> > who were murdered that day. I sat in classes with those
> > accused of conspiracy to the murders. I'll bet you have no
> > idea what it feels like to know that a person who you see
> > every single day knows you might be murdered and never says
> > a word - just looks you in the eye like your life is
> > worthless to them. You have no idea the courage it took to
> > walk back into that school filled with fear that another
> > massacre might occur any day. I seriously doubt you have
> > even gotten this far through this e-mail, because from the
> > looks of your web site, a heartfelt plea won't make any
> > difference in the way you conduct your business. However,
> > if you have gotten this far, I appreciate your time. I'm
> > sure you've gotten bad feedback to some of your products
> > before, and ordinarily I really couldn't care less what you
> > sell on your site. However, I feel (along with many others I
> > went to school with - one of whom sent me the link to your
> > site) that this shirt is just a tasteless, inconsiderate,
> > nauseating way to make money. I am honestly appalled that
> > anyone would exploit the murder of children as a means of
> > making a profit! Again, I urge you to remove it from your
> > site. I feel certain that if one of your family members or
> > friends had been senselessly murdered like the children
> > represented on your t-shirt, you would think twice before
> > adding it to your profit-making scheme. Feel free to reply
> > if you are so compelled.
> > Thank you,
> > ASM

(Editor's Note: I like to think that this is an example of every
cloud having a silver lining. Isn't it nice that someone gets to
make money off of the murder of these children? Otherwise
they died in vain, right? And Palmdale was a weak ass school
shooting, hardly the massacre that Captain Courage makes it
out to be. )

---------------------------------------------

----- Original Message -----
From: Keith
Sent: Saturday, March 13, 2004 7:24 PM
Subject: Re: T-Shirt Hell Early March Newsletter

> Looking for ammo on Libs eh. Fuck you and yer George
Bush worshipping site. You fkin right wingers should be
proud with fukin up the jobs and attacking the wrong country
and all. Fuck you very much . I wont be buying anymore of
your shit.

(Editor's Note: We have gotten letters from the retarded
segment before but I was so glad to finally hear from their
king! Yes, he figured us out. A site that has a t-shirt that says
"I still hate George Bush" and a featured shirt mocking him that
says "I'll Bet You Vote This Time, Hippy" is certainly a huge
supporter of the current administration. We are only looking
for shirts about liberals for the same reason we have shirts about
everybody else in the world: as we've said before- we're not
Democrat, we're not Republicans, we're just assholes. And
the worst part is, you know this monkey votes.)

---------------------------------------------

----- Original Message -----
>From: Yoshiko
>Sent: Tuesday, March 02, 2004 12:26 AM
>Subject: Japanese Shrit

> My son want me to buy him shirt from your site because
>I am a Japanese. But your shirt say very bad
>thing in Jpanaese and you should not sell such
>shirt to good people. You should take thepicture of shirt
>down from your website
>
>Thank-you

(Editor's note: If I was this lady, I would be more worried about
Godzilla frying her ass with his nuclear breath, than my kid
wearing a shirt with a dick joke on it.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

So long. Peace on the floor, not on your shoes.