It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing


Have you heard? The situation in Iraq has stabilized. Peace is sweeping across the Middle East and our soldiers will be coming home any day now. Also, the economy has completely recovered and gas prices are way down. APRIL FOOLS'! Life still sucks and we'll be stuck in Iraq for another ten years. Isn't that hilarious?

Speaking of the wa- I mean the colossal success in Iraq, we reached yet another milestone this past week when American soldier #4000 was killed in action. But don't you lose any sleep over that. With the economy in the shape that it's in, we'll have a nearly inexhaustible amount of poor people perpetually looking to enlist. And the war has helped cripple the economy, so as you can see, this is all part of God's (George W. Bush's) perfect/hilarious cycle.

In sports news, the NCAA tournament is down to the Final Four. Go Fightin' Who-gives-a-fucks!

In entertainment news, Britney Spears recently appeared on an episode of How I Met Your Mother. And I am beyond burnt out on Britney humor. Just go watch Leno.

Sen. John McCain on Tuesday tried to connect with voters on a personal level by visiting his high school and sharing memories of what he called some of his happiest years. He remembers staying up all night cramming for a chemistry test and proudly said he can still name all four elements.

In a major change, the American Heart Association said Monday that hands-only CPR -- rapid, deep presses on the victim's chest until help arrives -- works just as well as standard CPR for sudden cardiac arrest in adults. So, mouth-to-mouth is no longer necessary. This doesn't really have any effect on my life. I was always more of an ass-to-mouth girl anyway.

penis vagina


Our latest bunch of new shirts has arrived just in time for Wayne Newton's birthday. Hey, you celebrate your savior, I'll celebrate mine.

We've added shirts that speak on behalf of the unconscious and on behalf of the first amendment. There are also new ones for people who hate women, nannies, and parking; not necessarily in that order. Regardless, they are sure to piss off everyone in your local Wal-Mart. Everyone who can read, anyway.

All of our new shirts are here:

And check out's new TorsoPants as well:

(warning - if you're not a fan of dry humor, do not go to TorsoPants)

long division


andyAs November approaches, it seems almost certain that Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States. Not since FDR defeated Jimmy the Overtaxing Rapist has an election been this in the bag.

That's not to suggest that it's always been smooth sailing for the Senator. There have been speed bumps along the way. There was the coke thing, but that went away quickly enough seeing as how snorting coke is the best thing our current president has ever done. Another problem arose when some clever bastard made the astute observation that Obama sounds like Osama. And I'm not saying that flippantly; it's a crucial point. In terms of importance, Obama sounding like Osama falls somewhere between his economic policy and which Police Academy movie is his favorite.

Along those same lines, there was the insinuation that Obama was a Muslim. Another vital issue. andyBecause we all know the most effective way for Muslim terrorists to strike within the United States would be to get him elected to the highest office in the land. You know he could just totally circumvent our system of checks and balances. He could approve and enforce any legislature he wanted and we'd be powerless to stop him. Our senators and congressmen would be rendered impotent under his mighty Muslim fist. Also, the previous 43 presidents have all claimed to be Christian, and they've all been just great.

And, of course, most recently, there was his association with Pastor Jeremiah Wright. I take a hard line on this one. I don't want my president to be associated with any crazed religious zealot. I want my president to BE the crazed religious zealot.

But with all that behind him and seemingly no more skeletons in the closet, it appears that come andyNovember we will have the first not completely white president in our nation's history. Considering race relations in this country over the past 200+ years, that's quite a remarkable achievement.
We're talking about a country built on the backs of slaves (the cotton part of it anyway). We're talking about a country who once defined black people as 3/5 of a person (I think we're up to 7/8 now). We're talking about the home of the Jim Crow Laws, the KKK, and Martin Lawrence movies (you can't convince me those movies aren't propaganda produced by a white supremacist).

For overcoming all of that, I say Obama gets bonus privileges. Some extra abuses of power not afforded to all of our Caucasian presidents. Sure, we'll grant him the typical indulgences like maintaining a pointless, economy-crippling war and "Vince Foster"ing a few niggas, but he deserves so much more.
How about we throw in a few free rapes? Wreck a few poons, President Obama. We don't mind. You want to snort coke and drop acid in the Oval Office? Go right ahead, Commander-in-Chief/Lizard King. And this time around, we promise not to give a shit if you want to get a BJ from a chubby Jewish chick.

Set octogenarians on fire in the White House Rose Garden; drop car batteries on toddlers' heads; use people in electric wheelchairs as pack animals. You are about to accomplish something unprecedented and I don't think the American people will mind if you gild your presidential lily. Just promise me your VP, Cabinet members and any Supreme Court appointees will all be Christian, white and male. Hooray for superficial changes!

Comments (23) - View Comments - Add A Comment

John  04/02/08 6:12 am
This is a great article. Very well done.

FuckDaPolice  04/02/08 10:30 am
Fuck all you dumb cracker ass crackers that post ignorant racist shit under this!!

Jesus  04/02/08 11:05 am
Fuck you for kissing that dirty niggers ass!Obama is a memer of the CFR and Bilderberg Group you stunned nigger dyke cunt!!!Does your little simian brain understand what that means?Probably not.Stick to Britney/Paris Hilton barbs and leave politics to the human population(whites) you vile niggress whore.

stevo  04/02/08 11:38 am
I would buy a teeshirt with that on! Can't wait until he's assassinated, it'll make good tv. KKK

Mick  04/02/08 12:50 pm
You guys you to be raw now you've just turned into a bunch of pussies. I can get shirts like this at Spencers.
Oh and fuck that coon Obama

Mustard Dick  04/02/08 1:00 pm
John why dont you go fuck yourself dick lips? Get with the whole fuck Obama he is a nigger theme.

Equality  04/02/08 2:48 pm
I love the comment about sens being white male and christian. As much as our society tries to be "equal" in all aspects it can't. Hilary Clinton proved it when she said there was a lot of pressure being a woman and running for president....WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PRESSURE IF YOU CAN DO ANYTHING A MAN CAN DO?!?!?!

COCKLOCKED  04/02/08 4:20 pm
Obama should be chained to a post picking cotton like the good lord intended.Or lynched.Whatever its all good.

Iman Azol  04/02/08 5:14 pm
Obama would have a great plus in the White House--he wouldn't have niggers for neighbors.

And I think he should be allowed to jerk off in public, on a podium, overlooking a crowd of his supporters. He can piss on them, too.

Whitey  04/02/08 7:09 pm
Y'all better be watchin' that shit you're saying. Just remember, he was raised in the poor part of Chicago. He can still kick yo ass! And if he can't, his wife can. Ima hide for four years and beeez a good lil' cracker. roflmao

Janice  04/02/08 7:15 pm
Jesus is right(lol) about Obama being a C.F.R. shill.Those bastards plan on eliminating the borders and over running us with mexicunts.His nigger neck belongs in a fucking noose along with his/its supporters.

Seig Heil

Slayer  04/02/08 7:26 pm
You fucking white trash supremist pieces of shit are always bitching. If this nigger gets elected to office, you'll be the first to have lived in a country where a fucking coon makes your laws, signs your goddamn welfare checks and gives you money to buy the fucking single wide trailer you shit in and the 5 acres that you put it on. Maybe, he'll enact a law that makes white trash and white people in general, open game. It doesn't matter, though. I don't like niggers, wetbacks, sand coons or fags, but I like white people even less, except their women. They take it up the ass like no other whores on the planet!!!!

L33731  04/03/08 5:36 pm
Slayer, that is by far the funniest shit I have read in a while.

psychedelicknight  04/03/08 6:22 pm
Ron Paul 2008! The only real american running,

K Dogg  04/04/08 1:24 am
You are fucking idiots for bashing Bush and the war in Iraq. The soldiers who gave their lives fighting for your freedom, all 4,000 of them should be turning over in their graves. This site was awesome until I saw what lack of respect you have for people like me that are serving this beautiful country of ours. FUCK YOU GUYS GO MOVE TO CANADA!!! FUCKING NIGGER LOVING HIPPIES

blargh  04/04/08 8:14 am
Not impressed, really.

screw hippies  04/04/08 8:22 am
Mindless hippy bullshit.... Just keep believing whatever they tell you on MTV, jackass.

Margie  04/04/08 1:39 pm
First of all, this wasn't even Pro-Obama. It was pointing out how irrelevant all the "Obama/Osama, he's a Muslim" bullshit is. And suggesting obama gets extra privileges is just satire. The editor doesn't actually want that to happen, or do you not know what jokes are? If anything, it's pointing out how stupid free entitlement/affirmative action shit is. And whoever brought up the CFR/bilderberg shit is just an idiot. No matter what party someone is in, they make these absurd assumptions about politicians based on "facts" that are obscure and uncorroborated. That bullshit about the cfr or whatever else you morons want to fabricate about him is just as dumb as saying Bush orchestrated 9-11. People just cherrypick whatever information already supports their beliefs. And then you get all defensive and ignorantly racist if something, like this article, is even slightly contrary to what your empty mind believes.

SpazMonkey  04/04/08 7:30 pm
I'm so glad I'm Australian.
There's no way we'd ever have a black leader, luckily for us, our native nigras (aboriginals) are all too stupid.
P.S my captcha is nkJEW, LOL.

7thson  04/05/08 1:08 am
Where does that retard, "Whitey", get the idea that Obama was raised in Chicago? Obama was raised by his grandma in Hawaii - where he went to an exclusive prep school.

improvdude  04/06/08 2:30 pm
Regarding most of the above comments........See, this is what happens when you give toothless, inbred, retards a computer. I blame fuckin' Blue Hippo. Every pile of genetic waste can have access to the Internet just because their baby-daddy was functioning enough to open a checking account (no doubt with a perpetual balance of $1.47). At least they're the portion of the population that's too stupid to get to a voting booth. Come Election Day, we'll just circulate a rumor that there's a huge sale on assault rifles and Pabst Blue Ribbon down at the Wal-Mart. That'll keep 'em busy.

Phil  04/09/08 2:09 pm
you mean you're NOT supposed to drop car batteries on toddler's heads???

DillyBodge  04/10/08 5:29 am
either way you slice the kidney its going to be an american that takes office and weather hes a coon, muslim, jew, queer, or a fucking vegetable; its going to be a bit shifty.


-----Original Message-----

From: Roger E.
Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Hey Guys I just want you to know you guys have the best fucking T-Shirts I have seen on the internet. THEY FUCKING ROCK!!!!! I Happen to work for BustedTees and your guys shirt are WAY better than any of the one I have seen that we carry. Keep Up the awesome work. PeAcE OuT. BTW I have entered your lazy ass comp and if I win I am totally wearing your shirts to work.

andyEditor's Note: Wow...Praise from Caesar. You know, if Caesar had been the guy who carried around the tray of fresh fruits instead of the Emperor. Seriously, someone who works for a different shirt site complimenting us? That's like someone really good at Guitar Hero saying Jimi Hendrix was pretty good on the axe. Or, if that analogy isn't apt, that's like Roe telling me I'm great at getting abortions.

I just wish I could savor the victory. If you are representative of the typical Busted employee,'s hardly Ali defeating Frazier. It's more like Ali pounding the shit out of Stephen Hawking after he's had his face anesthetized so he can't fight back with any twitching. Okay, I've finally filled my analogy quota.

Despite all that, I'd like to thank you for your kind words, Roger. It was very daring of you to mention the site you work for and our clear superiority. That's why I felt conflicted about emailing the chimps who run your company and showing them what you wrote. I did it, but I didn't enjoy it. Happy unemployment!

Comments (10) - View Comments - Add A Comment

JigabooWhitekid  04/02/08 4:17 am
*sigh* It's kind of like fingering a mentally retarded 7th grader..You tell yourself that you don't enjoy it, but it just feels so right..

noah  04/02/08 10:30 am
I'd never heard of busted ts b4 this email but went to check them out. For those who haven't or don't know busted ts - tshirt hell's stuff is WAY funnier and far more clever. Not every tshirt hell shirt makes me laugh, nor do I find some of them amusing at all (or in good taste), they are, however, no matter how you slice it - FAR superior to the total crap found at Busted's site. I have 3 degrees and run my own international business, so I think I can safely say that I'm reasonably bright. I don't even get 75% of Busted's shirts. I guess if I were 22, in college again, a Dungeons

FuckDaPolice  04/02/08 5:10 pm
Is it me or does that big dumb eyed whore on their ads creep you the FUCK out too?!? Every damn picture she looks like she just shoved 15 magic mushrooms up her twat.

Iman Azol  04/02/08 5:17 pm
Noah: Your three degrees didn't enable you to write a coherent rejoinder that didn't end in the middle of

Slayer  04/02/08 7:33 pm
Now, you're out of job, Roger, you fucking moron!!! Go stand in the unemployment line with all the wetbacks and niggers down there. I'm sure one of those niggers would be more than happy to accommodate you with a less than pleasurable anal rape!!! Dumb ass!!!

Slayer  04/02/08 8:37 pm
And noah, you're an idiot. I don't believe that what pleasures you or what you find in good taste means dick to those of us here. You claim to have three degrees and run an international business. Here's a question for the highly educated noah. Where the fuck do you find the time to run your lame ass business and post in this goddamn forum? I think you're three degrees off your fucking Ritalin medication. You ADHD motherfucker!!!!

Tom Tuttle  04/04/08 12:37 am
someone should email those fuckers a link

D  04/04/08 10:58 am
why do you have to rip on the guy who says good things about you? so what if your better don;t get too high standards about yourself because then you'll get fucked over and crash and burn. i love how you treat the little guy. one guy write in saying he likes your shirts and u dis him. REAL FUCKING BRIGHT, be a prick to the people against the site not for it.

SpazMonkey  04/04/08 7:33 pm
D...Shut the fuck up. Idiot.
Get a clue. Srsly.

Double D  04/10/08 1:06 pm
Has it occurred to anyone that occasionally the one that appears to be an idiot can easily use the geniusís pride to outsmart him? Case in point... Say I worked for a little no name t-shirt company and had a bit of trouble getting traffic to my site. Well, what better way to jack up hits than to make sure my site's name is published on a large competitorís site? Hmmm.... Nah, that's just stupid. It would never work.

joy division

-----Original Submission-----

From: jennbeech*** @ tor***.com
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2008

i have a problem with your spoofs of iconic childrens characters. i'm fine with the offensive nature of your shirts, i just have a problem with taking classic images and reducing them crude jokes. regardless of what age you are, charlie brown, calvin and hobbes and kermit the frog are great entertainment. to take their images and turn them into graphic jokes is an insult to some timeless art.

Jennifer B.

Editor's Note: Oh man...I'm glad we didn't go with our shirt series entitled "Looney Tunes Characters andyRaping Disney Characters." Only because I wouldn't have been present while your heart cried and your head exploded.

Don't think I'm completely insensitive to your objection over those shirts. I know how you feel. I loved Calvin & Hobbes as a kid, and seeing little Calvin pissing on everything under the Sun slapped on the rear windshield of every truck in America makes me feel...well, indifferent, I guess. So I take that back. I don't know how you feel, because my brain works.

Trying to understand your point of view would be like trying to empathize with a retard crying at a 'Yield' sign (and I've just gone over my quota). That's why people with any amount of intelligence seem like dicks to the rest of you. It's not that we don't care (which we don't), it's that we can't make our functioning brains stop working and experience things from your perspective.

So long, Jennifer. Send us a pic and we'll get started on our next shirt - "Mickey Mouse Pooping in Jennifer's Mouth."

Comments (9) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Hobbes  04/02/08 7:59 am
Jennifer should spend more time here:

Cathe  04/02/08 1:59 pm
Jennifer should shut up. I love my Calvin & Hobbes shirt!

Iman Azol  04/02/08 5:21 pm
I have an image of Jennifer being gangraped by the Chess Club. Want to mock its timeless artistry?

Slayer  04/02/08 7:42 pm
I hate all of Disney's shit! FUCK MICKEY MOUSE AND ALL OF DISNEY'S PIECE OF SHIT CHARACTERS!! Shut the fuck up, Jennifer! It's people like you who make this world a shitty place to live.

Gregor  04/03/08 7:01 am
Wow!!! All those shirts jen is dissing i actually own!!!! I love my shirts!!!!!!! Plus i would by a shirt of disney characters shitting in jen's mouth

John Willey  04/04/08 12:30 pm
Hey Jennifer,
You should have been around in the 60's--you would have loved the Disney poster with all those lovable critters boffing each other. Dwarfs lined up for a piece of Snow White, good stuff. You guys need to find one of those old posters and make a tshirt--I wish I had one today.

SpazMonkey  04/04/08 7:35 pm
I used to have a Mickey Mouse toy when I was a kid, which my dog used to was amusing.

awwfuckit  04/06/08 6:41 pm
I got my first blow job from a curious george monkey doll. does that make me gay or was curious george just experimenting???

Mightybri  04/08/08 10:34 pm
"Trying to understand your point of view would be like trying to empathize with a retard crying at a 'Yield' sign"

This is goddamned poetry.

division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Tara G.
Sent: Friday, March 28, 2008
Subject: necrophiliac shirt

Your "I wish you were dead - and not just because i'm a necrophiliac" shirt is just gross. All the curse words on shirts are bad enough, but that one is just nasty. I suppose it won't do any good to ask to have it removed, but I'm asking just the same. Please stop selling it.

Editor's Note: Congratulations, Tara! You are the 100,000th person to ask us to remove a shirt. Your prize? We completely ignore your request and mock you in our newsletter. But that's not all. Act now and I'll wrap my hand in cloth, wrap that in barbed wire, and then proceed to give you what I call the "Colombian Vag Doctor." You have until next Tuesday to claim your prize.

If you'll allow me to editorialize for a moment, I don't see the problem with necrophilia. First of all, the only person with any right to object to necrophilia, the deceased, isn't capable of objecting to it. The moment a person's soul leaves their body, they cease being a person and become a thing. Nobody gets pissed when I shove produce or whiskey bottles in my happy patch. Why should it be any different when I cram your late Uncle Morty's arm up there?

Second of all, who doesn't want sex? The departed aren't capable of enjoying it, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't complain about it even if they could. I like to think that whenever I'm going to town on a dead guy, his spirit is hovering just above me going "Hell yeah! I'm so awesome I get trim even after death!"
So consider what I and others like me do a service to the deceased. Kind of like Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense. Only the twist in this case is that the corpse I've been humping was the villain all along. OOOOO-EEEEEE-OOOOO!

Comments (16) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Bob  04/01/08 10:37 pm
One of the best ever!! Keep em' coming.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffidon'tknowwhyihavenogirlfriend  04/02/08 4:25 am
Please..It's a victimless crime, just like pedophilia. Everyone knows dead people are dead, and babies remember nothing.
Sex with vampires, however..That's different. I'm still trying to figure out how they get it up.

Stevo  04/02/08 11:47 am
I had sex with a girl in Afghanistan for 3 months and she didn't complain. She didn't have a head either so no blow jobs (I couldn't find it all). Be advised, womens tits are firmer post mortem. They smell bad though.

fuckedinthehead  04/02/08 12:26 pm
Cornholin a dead broad is my moment of zen, so don't disrespect my lifestyle. Besides, if it doesn't appeal to you, don't hold the video camera anymore for me. P.S. fuck shit cock pussy asshole dick cunt, I hate the word curse.

C-Rex  04/02/08 12:26 pm
I've been entertained but generally not shocked by your replies for the last long while....but "Columbian Vag Doctor".... My jaw dropped. Beautiful.

Iman Azol  04/02/08 5:25 pm
I'd totally mung Tara's bunghole if she were dead.

And I love the way dead people turn blue and thrash during sex. Well, right before they turn dead, I mean.

Slayer  04/02/08 7:52 pm
Necrophilia is cool. Is it only limited to people or can you fuck a dead animal and be considered a necrophiliac just the same? Just wondering.

Annie  04/03/08 2:14 am
Hahaha......did you video tape uncle Morty's arm up your twat? That would make a great T-shirt.

J. DÝÝM  04/03/08 9:38 am
that actually sounds like a pretty decent movie. i'd go see that... especially considering the alternative options available at the movies nowadays. after watching the last movie that "Sixth Sense" guy made, i had to kill & fuck 3 people just to make life seem like it was worth living for ME again...

Captain Private  04/04/08 1:46 pm
I concur. I personally hope I get laid well after my death. Even after I'm just bones. I suppose the only fuckable part of me will be my eye sockets at that point, but don't neglect the ribs or femurs.

SpazMonkey  04/04/08 7:43 pm

Turd Monger  04/04/08 10:03 pm
I enjoy myself every time I read these posts.

Original thought be damned. These guys are the real deal.

This entertainment is free...who needs cable.

awwfuckit  04/06/08 6:25 pm
I'm not familiar with the "columbian vag doctor", but it does sound eeriely similar to the "darfur love glove." I'm pretty sure you were a 3rd world fascist dictator in a previous hour.

Javier  04/08/08 5:21 pm
" The moment a person's soul leaves their body, they cease being a person and become a thing" Soul?? Are you serious? What is this animal you call a soul and where can I buy one, cheap, preferably.

Itsonlymedontchaknow  04/11/08 2:03 pm
I know you dumbshits think you're funny, and some of you are mildly amusing, but most of you are wasting air with your dumbfuckery.

Slayer  04/13/08 9:09 pm
Itsonlymedontchaknow, dontcha know you're a fucking jackoff?! Dontcha know? Shut the fuck up, you goddamn clown!

does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Submission-----

From: Eddie S.

Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Subject: Question in regards to the Newsletter

I'm dying to know (yes, yes, I know, I should go kill myself) if you actually reply to the hate mailers with the same reply you have in the news letters? Because if you do that would actually be brilliant. If kow, you guys are just the weak tools you slate :-P

Editor's Note: Damn it. I hate when people say they should kill themselves before I get a chance to do andyit. Why didn't you go ahead and call yourself a retarded douchebag so I could've just skipped this whole thing?

To answer your question, a can of gasoline and a family of Puerto Ricans. Wait...I was thinking of something else.

To answer your actual question, we only occasionally respond directly to the people who send us hate mail. Despite how it seems, we don't do this to make the mailers feel bad (their empty lives do that for us). We do this so our little community of evil bastards can join us in our mockery of others and laugh at the general idiocy of the entire human race.

However, as I said, we do every now and again respond straight to the source of the dumbfuckery. But not to harass or threaten anyone. It's really more of a public service. We simply tell them they can't change the world to suit their ridiculous whims and that statement is accompanied by a list of detailed instructions on ten different forms of suicide. We're not batting a thousand, but we've got a pretty good success rate.

Comments (9) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Bad Habit  04/02/08 1:19 am
I want the list on a t-shirt!

lazybear79  04/02/08 4:59 am
Ditto to that. That'd be a great shirt.

Iman Azol  04/02/08 5:27 pm
Eddie should demonstrate the "anally fucking oneself with a chainsaw" method of suicide.

evil bastard # 666  04/02/08 6:18 pm
I hope I can speak up for the thousands of other evil bastards out there, when I say that reading the newsletter, and new shirts is only second-best to the editor's notes!

Slayer  04/02/08 8:03 pm
Eddie is a fucking moron who wrote a stupid letter because he can't get laid. He poked a hole in the Antonio Banderas blow up doll he owns and now has to hide it from his mother. Stupid fuck!!!

Oh, before I forget.......Fuck Puerto Rico!!!!

Slama32  04/04/08 1:42 pm
Wait...Did he just call you a kow & you let it slide? What the hell's a kow anyways, don't you KNOW?

SpazMonkey  04/04/08 7:42 pm
Ugh, ok, I know you already said it, but we all know that was just to humour us...So please, Go Kill Yourself.

tom  04/05/08 10:07 pm
i bought the necrophiliea t-shirt because it's funny. to me at least. lighten up people. and, is that you? hot damn i say. and i mean that in a respectful way.

awwfuckit  04/06/08 6:34 pm
i never got the impression that tshirthell was evil, I just got the feeling you guys didn't give a fuck. Which to me means no matter how offensive something might be, if you factor in that tshirthell love nothing, therefore hates nothing, its all okay. Its like drinking your own piss.

division of labor

[The End-o, Friend-o]

I wasn't born yesterday. But my gator bait was.


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