|
04/12/05
Prince Charles got married this weekend to his long time mistress
Camilla
Parker Bowles. Prince William and Prince Harry are both said to
be
relieved. "I hope this means he'll stop fucking mum's rotting
corpse." said
William. "Although if he does, I'd like to have a go at her."
The Royal
Rascal Prince Harry quickly added. There has been no official
word on
whether or not the Prince of Wales will stop having relations
with the
decaying remains of Princess Di, which are still hotter than his
new wife.
-------------------------------------------------------------
New shirts that will make you a new man, or cat.
-------------------------------------------------------------
You may not be aware of this, since it
has received almost no coverage in
the media, but the Pope is dead. Prince Charles has been fucking
his
corpse. (Actually, he has been so busy with the wedding he has
not had a
chance.) So, we have added a bunch of Pope shirts, as well as
four more
shirts that will make you quit smoking, quit clubbing baby seals,
quit
faking it, and quit shaving your snatch. And who doesn't love
a quitter?
All of our new shirts are here:
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt472n.htm
If you're an AOL user, or unable to click
the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Kids Are People, Too? Too Bad
-------------------------------------------------------------
I hate kids.
I yearn for a world without any children.
It would be a world of quiet
airplanes, restaurants, and movie theatres: a world without playgrounds,
circuses, and child proof caps. Drug dealers could ply their trade
wherever
they wanted, without having to worry about wandering into a school
zone.
Adult book stores would just be called book stores.
Nobody wants kids for the sake of having
kids. Women want kids to prove
that they have working vaginas. Having babies is the one thing
us women
can do, besides field hockey, which no man can do at all, let
alone do
better.
Ladies, if you want to impress people with
your gash then shoot ping pong
balls out of it; or use it to pick up a stack of quarters. Do
you want to
dazzle them? Then combine these two tricks as you sail through
the exact
change lane on the turnpike.
Men want to have kids because they were
picked last in gym class. Or worse,
they were captain of the high school football team and led their
team to the
State Title. But then a freak masturbation accident cut their
college
career short. Either way, they are determined to create little
champions.
So, they put creatine in their kid's Captain Crunch, and dose
their juice
boxes with anabolic steroids.
I don't care if your kid can jump over
your house: it doesn't change the
fact that you're still a loser. Now finish pumping my gas, and
lick those
bugs off my windshield if you want a tip. Your kid needs a pair
of Adidas
1s doesn't he?
People have kids in the hopes that they
will take care of them when they get
old. Fat fucking chance. Take the money you would have spent on
orthodontia, college, and rehab; and put it into a nice no-load
mutual fund.
You'll be able to retire to a tropical island in your early fifties.
Then
let someone else's teenager bring you fruity drinks and give you
a poolside
happy ending massage.
If you have kids now, it's not too late
to get rid of them. If you're still
living at home, it's never too early to leave and give your parents
a chance
at happiness. Sweatshops and street gangs are both excellent options.
Both
offer a child the opportunity to learn a trade, and room for advancement.
Both offer lifetime job security. How many people have that? If
you're
afraid you'll miss your kid buy a PSP I hear they're awesome.
They play
games, movies, and music. Your kid can't play music and they had
5 years of
piano lessons.
Do you know what would happen if everyone
stopped having kids? Nothing.
Nothing would happen. The last generation would enjoy seventy
years of
peace and quiet. Human civilization would end? So what? Why do
you care?
You'll be dead either way. I hear that ferrets are pretty smart
let's give
them have a chance to run the planet. If you're the last person
on earth
just remember to turn out the lights.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Letters from concerned parents and other idiots
-------------------------------------------------------------
----- Original Message -----
From: Mmoore*** @ aol.com
Sent: Sunday, April 10, 2005 4:11 PM
Subject: T-shirts
I felt the need to inform you that some
of your t-shirts are utterly
disgusting specifically the 2 below. I am a mother of 2 black
babies and I
have friends with autistic children. I feel that with shirts like
this that
racism and hate will never go away. It is teaching our children
at a young
age to hate.
(Editor's Note: I feel the need to inform
you that you are the worst kind
of hypocrite. "Arrest Black Babies Before They Become Criminals",
and
"Autistic Kids Rock" are hardly our most offensive items.
Yet you found two
shirts with a tenuous personal connection to your life, and for
that reason
they top the most offensive list? What about your sister Eileen?
You don't
find our, "I Came on Eileen" shirt offensive? I know
she allows busloads of
Japanese tourists to cum all over her. She is so much more upbeat
than you
and seems to enjoy it. Is that why you have no problem with that
shirt?
Cheer up, because once your 'babies' become 'toddlers', and those
other
'kids' become 'young adults', we won't have any shirts that are
about you!
Then all will be right in your private little world again you
vexatious
halfwit.)
---------------------------------------------
----- Original Message -----
From: Tonya
Sent: Thursday, April 07, 2005 12:17 AM
Subject: Your shirt should be considered a sin
Hello. T-Shirt Hell Company. my name is
Tonya. I am writing to complain to
you about a shirt that you have on your website. it says, "Everytime
i
masturbate, God kills the Pope (oops). I think it is wrong and
disgustiing.
i am going to try and start a petition on it too. That shirt is
sick, and i
will probably never ever go to your site again. Good bye.
An Un-Happy Customer,
Tonya
PS- To reach me further if you wish to,
my main email address is CHYNA* @
***mail.com
(Editor's Note: Please start a petition
immediately. I think the subject
of your email is a good starting point. It would be amazing if
you were
able to actually get our t-shirt considered a sin! Would they
have to
recall all of the existing bibles, or would they just send out
an addendum?
Do you think you could get us listed as one of the seven deadly
sins? Our
shirt has to be worse than gluttony or sloth. I know I'm proud
of the
shirt, and Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. I know it makes
people
Angry and Envious when I wear it so that's two more! Is it greedy
to want
to be in the top seven? Because as I'm sure you know, Greed is
also on
the list. Actually, it seems like all of these "deadly"
sins are pretty
tame. I know I can do better if you give me the chance. Please
keep me
posted on your progress. If you need me to be Lustful in any way,
just let
me know. )
---------------------------------------------
----- Original Message -----
From: Sesna
Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2005 4:02 PM
Subject: comment...
u, what i assume would call yourselves
"people", which u r not, should all
be shot. as for the little boys who like to brainwash perfectly
normal
people with their male genitalia t-shirts, which should all be
burned, they
should be castrated. someone who posts and sells garbage like
this doesn't
deserve to have what u would call, in ur mediocre "language",
a "dick". any
supporters should all be murdered, and the freaks behind this
"should-be-illegal" website, should all be murdered
along with their
families, or should be cut up into tiny pieces and hidden behind
walls for
your husbands, wives, and family to see and laugh at. u should
just give up
now, because making literally dirty money is a sign of being a
complete
idiot who is about to go homeless if he/she doesn't sell a few
worthless
t-shirts. see how stupid and pathetic that sounds? u think it's
funny? the
funny part is that if ur laughing at this, ur laughing at urselves
because
this is just a mild fact on what u all are. and the fact that
u get people
to send in pictures of themselves practically naked is downright
sick, and u
r all pedophiles who like little children. have a horrible and
gruesome
death.
(Editor's Note: I think in Saudi Arabia,
if you buy or create funny
t-shirts that they do cut one of your arms off. But even there
the
punishments you're proposing would probably still be considered
a bit
extreme. It's too bad we shut down all of the Iraqi torture chambers
I
expect you might have had a bright future. Actually, you are such
a
deeply disturbed individual I might have a job for you here. How
do
you feel about working in Customer Service? I'm not sure where
you are
institutionalized, but they really need to monitor you more closely.
Please
have them increase your medication. Whatever you're taking now
is not
enough. If you can wriggle out of your straitjacket try to take
the whole
bottle all at once.)
---------------------------------------------
----- Original Message -----
From: Pete S
Sent: Sunday, April 03, 2005 1:22 AM
Subject: pope death shirts?
you are a freaking idiot do u know that?
anyone could sink as low as you do
and sell t-shirts about terri shiavo and the Pope. The reason
most t-shirt
retailers don't act like roaches lacking in humanity is because
they have
decided to draw a line somewhere...anyone could look to make a
few dollars
on every misfortune in life, it's just that most of us aren't
pathetic scum.
(Editor's Note: I don't appreciate when
people belittle our
accomplishments. While it's true anyone could make a t-shirt about
a
misfortune in life, it's not easy to make a good t-shirt about
every
misfortune in life. That's hard work. Can you even imagine how
hard it was
to add three good t-shirts about the death of the Pope? And we
don't make
t-shirts about every one of life's misfortunes. For example, I've
had the
distinct misfortune of having to read your vapid email. That's
two minutes
of my life I could have spent rubbing my clit or fiddling with
my nipples.
You owe me and I better not find you. If I do, I'll have to give
you to the
person who wrote the previous email I received. They will cut
you up
and feed you to those roaches you mentioned earlier.)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So long, and so short
|
