I hope you all remembered to pay your taxes. On the off chance that you haven't, feel free to claim one of my kids as a dependent. Don't worry, it's not like the Waffle House dumpster can claim it.

Vermont legalized gay marriage last week. You know who's gonna get married now? Every single person in Vermont. Yeah, that doesn't really make sense, but what the fuck, it is Vermont.

A major earthquake recently devastated Italy, killing hundreds and leaving thousands more homeless. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Mario Brothers, the Boyardees, the Corleones, pizza flippers, and those guys who play music while a little monkey gathers change.

Madonna's most recent attempt to adopt a child from Malawi was stopped when the child's biological father came forward to claim ownership. "Oh no," said Madonna. "Where will I ever find another poor black kid?"

The Hannah Montana movie hit theaters last weekend. On a related note, it was recently announced that every single movie critic in the world is an atheist.

Last week it was announced that Farrah Fawcett's cancer had spread to her liver. I could give a shit about her, but I am a little worried that this will inspire a bunch of hot chicks to shave their heads to retain that Farrah-Do. Also, I'm having a hell of a time adding a heart rate monitor and an I.V. tube to my poster.

Baseball season is underway. There are some interesting rule changes this year. For starters, all outfielders are allowed to carry crossbows to deal with unruly fans; successfully raping an umpire can overturn a call; and during the sixth inning of every game, three silverback gorillas will be released onto the field. Just kidding. It's still really boring.

long division


picture 1

Well, it's too late for me to half-ass my way through some list of Easter tips, but I still wanted to use this space to acknowledge the holiday that is so special to those of us who love to see peaceful men get tortured and killed. So instead of the usual list of arbitrary nonsense, I thought I'd share with you a detailed account of my Easter Sunday.*

*Note: For purposes of having a full length article, this will be made up, instead of the factual "Got drunk on Saturday night and slept through it."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

picture 1

7:07 a.m.

I wake up early to bake the cherry pie I prepared the night before. Upon looking in the fridge I realize I ate three quarters of it raw while baked out of my mind. If that isn't bad enough, I look in my bed and realize Kiki is still passed out, possibly dead. I have my doorman wipe her down and dump her in an alley a couple miles away.

8:32 a.m.

All bakeries are closed, so I go to a convenience store and get the closest thing to cherry pie I can find. After grabbing a box of Little Debbie's Swiss Rolls and a bottle of cherry-flavored Pepto-Bismol I make my way to the counter. I notice the cashier is Middle Eastern. I shout "Terrorist go home!", shove over a rack of novelty shot glasses and run out without paying.

picture 110:02 a.m.

Arrive at what I believe to be my parents’ house. I knock on the door and a small white child without bruises answers. I quickly realize I'm at the wrong house. Remembering my biological father's advice of "Whitey need some bruises!", I punch the child repeatedly and leave in a hurry.

11:08 a.m.

Needing to relieve some tension, I lure a junkie into my car with false promises of meth. After sitting in my apartment for ten minutes, he slowly begins to realize no meth is coming. His lifestyle has left him strung out and jittery, so he is easy enough to subdue with my "Drifter Club." As I dance around the fireplace wearing his skin, I feel the stress of the day just melt away. I decide to give this Easter one more chance.

1:36 p.m.

I arrive at my parents' home too late to enjoy the traditional Easter brunch, but am just in time to help my nephews and nieces hunt for eggs. We are ten minutes into the hunt before I recall tying up my family in a barn and burning them alive several years earlier. More disconcerting than who these people are is why they would let a scantily clad black woman search for eggs with their children. Perhaps their cushy, suburban lifestyle has left them so numb to any emotion they don't even care.

picture 12:43 p.m.

After managing to stuff seventeen Easter eggs into my vagina, I improvise a little egg-dispensing show for the kids. I even inspire one little four-year-old girl to emulate the act. After she receives several vaginal stitches she is returned home. It's getting late, so we decide to wrap up the day's festivities. I ask if they would be kind enough to indulge me and participate in one of my old family traditions. They kindly oblige and we take turns stuffing Peeps into the asshole of the fattest person there.

7:19 p.m.

I arrive back at my place. While cleaning up bits of junkie I had forgotten about earlier, it dawns on me why this holiday is so special. Sure, the junk food, Spring time, and brightly colored decorations are great. As is knowing a Jew got whipped into a bloody pile of goo by a bunch of Romans. But what really makes this day great is family. I decide that next year, I'll pay the team of midgets I use as sled dogs to dress up and act like my old family. Then I remove a couple of Easter eggs I had forgotten about, masturbate twice, and go to bed. All in all, a pretty goddamn special Easter.

Comments (26) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Greg  04/13/09 10:42 pm
Oh, You are one sick,..depraved,,,ooohhhh, I can't come up with a better word than depraved right now, but keep up the great bullshit...you keep me sane!!

StaciAnne  04/14/09 2:28 am
HeHe.. Happy Jesus Day! (as my drunken, vicodin induced buzzed friend would call it...at a Drag Queen show Good Friday night) Soo glad the weekend is over with.

Sam  04/14/09 8:15 am
Zombie Day was an epic fail this year...just like last year...

Rob  04/14/09 9:00 am
OMG - too freakin' funny. I had tears in my eyes and was literally choking from laughter midway through. Love this site. Love the shirts. Keep all the crazy ass insulting shit coming.

Citizen  04/14/09 10:47 am
Agreed Sam, Reminds me of a potential Resident Evil scenario.

As it is written:

"Men in sandals get what they deserve"

'Nuff said


Mohegan69  04/14/09 11:35 am
Can I have all of those eggs now that you and her are done with them? The bloodier, the better.

PsychoStacy  04/14/09 12:05 pm
I think this made me wet. Now I have masterbation material for about ohhhh five minutes...now where did I put those hard boiled eggs?

Mat  04/14/09 1:20 pm
May I watch and eat the eggs when you are done?

whitetrashgrrl  04/14/09 4:57 pm
Dang, I wish my Zombie Jesus was half that fun. Poop on a stick.

Ki Ki  04/14/09 4:57 pm
Ooooh THAT'S how I ended up in the alley! Thanks for the reminder. Damn pills, pot & wine and I lose track of my ass every time!

meds  04/14/09 7:26 pm
as of now you are my favorite person(s)

Ben  04/15/09 7:21 am
Ok really now...that 4 year old girl thing crossed a line with even depraved people......I have no further comment.

Neil  04/15/09 7:48 am
great stuff...!

muzza  04/15/09 8:55 am
''After she receives several vaginal stitches she is returned home''. thats terrible! terribly funny, i cant stop laughing at the wrongness of it all! love you! P.S, Ben, your a faggot! get the fuck over yourself and your 4yrold lovechild!

Amanda  04/15/09 2:13 pm
Seventeen eggs in your vagina? You're a fucking novice. I can get at least 20 in there. =D

bubba  04/15/09 2:37 pm
rofl... wtf your easter is way sick. any chance i could borrow your midgets?

Yvette  04/15/09 3:44 pm
Dang that's how you do Easter!!! My lame Easter was at the park with the trashy god family laughing at how the gangsters look like leukemia patients at the damn park! Go Cholos!!! or Culos shit close enough!! Now I'll have to try the easter eggs up the snatch thingy that sounds exciting!

bojangles  04/15/09 5:38 pm
im jealous. it was much more eventful than mine. i woke up after a night of drowning in a bottle of vodka to find the easter bunny laying beside me in a pool of his own blood and anal beads in his asshole.

Death Magnetic  04/15/09 6:00 pm
You forgot the one where the parents are hiding Easter eggs outside their trailer and their 3 year old finds the loaded Glock under a pillow, points it at his head, and pulls the trigger, killing himself and his dream of becoming a legalized citizen of this great nation.

Berta  04/15/09 7:54 pm
YOu do That to hu? The only difference was we put the fattest person in the microwave after the peeps.

Synful  04/15/09 9:10 pm
Now that is Zombie Appreciation Day in full swing. Celebrated how it should.

Cuntfeet  04/16/09 1:27 am
On Easter I cry when I masturbate.

dEbO  04/16/09 1:45 am
laughed my ass off Who can think of PEEPS and not laugh anyway...funny shit as always. Keep em comin baby.

Alzhie...?  04/20/09 10:54 am
A Jew got punched into a bloody pile of goo by some Romans?!
That's the last free hit the Italians did for anybody.

Father Mulhagey  04/22/09 5:54 pm
This was a special Easter for me as well. Good Friday marked the 12th anniversary of nailing my first Catholic School Girl. Jesus, she was good! Next year, hopefully I can track her down since she'll finally be legal.

SitOnMyDick  04/25/09 11:05 am
I had a more serious Easter celebration by re-inacting the crucifiction story. I picked up a homeless drifter, took him home, stripped him naked and nailed him to the unburned cross in my back yard. I spent the night with some cops & a bunch of "friends" in the county lock-up. AAAHH! Good times.


-----Original Message-----

From: Nicolas G.

Did you know that picking on retards, or generally being an asshole in public is a true French sport ? Why don't you localize your site in French? Heck, I'm so nice I'd even do it for you.

9/11 was an inside job...

Editor's Note: Sacre blow me. Yes, I realize how lame that was. It was just one of those moments where you have to suck it up and go with the shitty pun. Anyway, what were we talking about? Nicolas sucking cock? Guzzling cum? Licking balls? Something that involves Nicolas having his head buried in a dude's crotch.

As for all this French bashing, let me go out on a limb and assume that, like most people who insult the French, you have neither been to France nor do you know any French people. In other words, you sound like my kinda guy. There are those who say you need to have experience with or be informed on a subject before forming an opinion on it. Who the fuck has time for that?

6-decade-old stereotypes and haranguing from Bill O'Reilly provide all you really need to know about any subject. So, much the same way I do with cancer victims, rape victims, and any other kind of victims I will never have any actual interaction with- keep stickin' it to those Frenchies!

But before everyone tells me I changed the subject in the comments, let me get to what this guy was actually talking about. Yes, we pick on retards and, yes, people who wear our shirts in public are assholes, but... no, that's pretty much it.

Comments (26) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Mehdi  04/14/09 6:53 am
Nicholas you must be a french yourself. Admit it.

R.M  04/14/09 7:53 am
I have lived in a flat with a French guy for the last six months. I am here to report that he has kept with the stereotypical French behavior Americans grow up hearing about, and is an asshole.

MoonBatt  04/14/09 8:28 am
Regarding the French, I had a friend/co-worker who was a French person. He was an asshole. He also told me that all French people are assholes. That's enough for ME to believe.

scooter  04/14/09 8:55 am
No, Nicholas, the French don't pick on retards. This is proven by their unnatural love of Jerry Lewis. (They display more affection for him than the Germans show that other washed-up freak David Hasselhoff.) The French are assholes in public, as well as private though. And they smell bad. Real bad. Worse than a Louisiana bayou. And they always raise their arms-especially in times of war.

Mamma  04/14/09 8:56 am
What do you mean "no interaction with rape victims"? I do believe raping them in the first place counts as interaction, young lady.

Some Guy in DC  04/14/09 11:58 am
Do you know why the roads in France are lined with trees? It's because the German army likes to march in the shade.

brat  04/14/09 6:02 pm
I do believe Nicolas really is French because his name is spelled without the 'h'. Most American Nicks spell it Nicholas, while Frenchies are like him.

Douchey McDouche  04/14/09 10:30 pm
I just really respect the way this guys sticks up for all those "retards" out there. I'm sure that windowlickers and spastics everywhere appreciate it too - keep up the good work, fuckwad!

Iman Azol  04/15/09 12:17 am
Have you seen the French army's new battle flag? A white cross on a white background.

Julien  04/15/09 8:02 am
I'm French and, of course, french people fuck you all assholes.
Do u really think u are cool now you have elected Obama? no really?!
You remain a bunch of uneducated and fat rednecks. As we say in France, you are "une bande de gros cons, des bourrins, des beaufs obèses"
Anyway, I LOVE TSH !!

muzza  04/15/09 9:07 am
BRAT, aim the fuck up cunt n maybe try thinkn outside the trailer you were born/raised/losturvirginity in, and think maybe the way someone spells a word has nuthn to do with thier nationality.

Calia  04/15/09 11:21 am
Hey Julien. Half our country may be obese, and more than half of them are idiots, I admit... but at least our women aren't hairy, smelly and ugly, and at least our men aren't pussies.

Gai  04/15/09 12:35 pm
Why yes Julien, we do think we're pretty fucking cool, and this is an AMERICAN site dumbass, speak English, w dn't have to learn yur fucking pussy language. We'll kick your ass anyday.

Southern Bitch  04/15/09 1:14 pm
Not that I give a shit if brat is correct but it is at times possible to tell which part of the country/world someone is from based on the way they do or don't spell something. You'd know that if you found your way out of the ghetto occasionally muzza.

As for Nicolas, it's apparent he's a douche bless his little heart.

G man  04/15/09 4:17 pm
Meh, Fuck the french........but mostly the Dutch, Fuckkkk the Dutch. They're all just dirty little dyke jumpers anyhow. Man if I could get my finger into some dykes.........

Death Magnetic  04/15/09 6:19 pm
Nicolas, in case you didn't notice, no one gives a fuck about France, their people, or what they consider a sport (although fucking their women after they've shaved their pubes, pits, moustaches and sideburns is pretty sporting to me! Ha ha!). The French are gay because they let the Germans invade their pathetic little country, not once, but twice, and needed help to save their ass! I'd be embarrassed to tell people I lived or come from there. I'm speaking, of course, to Julien, you French fag! Come to America, asshole and show us how bad you French faggots really are!

Reaper Sai  04/15/09 6:51 pm
Death magnet I think its quite funny how big your balls are based on how small France is and find it even funnier that the two seconds america spent in ww2 has you all worked up like u actually made a difference, lol

Death Magnetic  04/15/09 8:48 pm
Reaper Sai, I'm funny that way! Ha ha ha!!

Lucky  04/16/09 2:09 am
I love how this section of comments has turned into a bashing session... so just for the sake of saying it... Fuck You All!!!

JoMama  04/16/09 7:11 pm
Fucking Frogs. I hate the fucking French. You should create a separate new site with new shirts, solely BASHING THE SHIT OUTTA THEM!! I'd know, I lived in Paris for 2 months. And for all you asshole French naysayers who will quickly quip, "Yes, the Parisians are 'orribehhllll, but they don't reflect ALL of the French!" To you I say "FUCK YOU, I was in SOUTH OF FRANCE, TOO, and the people there sucked TWICE as hard, because they were completely uneducated, and most certainly fucked their livestock!"

ANY time I or my family has had a business dealing with a French person/s, they have INEVITABLY tried to fuck us over. Go fuck yourselves, you self-important assholes from a useless country. You all would have been speaking German if we hadn't bailed out your sorry, arrogant, pussy asses back in WWII.


JoMama  04/16/09 7:11 pm
Fucking Frogs. I hate the fucking French. You should create a separate new site with new shirts, solely BASHING THE SHIT OUTTA THEM!! I'd know, I lived in Paris for 2 months. And for all you asshole French naysayers who will quickly quip, "Yes, the Parisians are 'orribehhllll, but they don't reflect ALL of the French!" To you I say "FUCK YOU, I was in SOUTH OF FRANCE, TOO, and the people there sucked TWICE as hard, because they were completely uneducated, and most certainly fucked their livestock!"

ANY time I or my family has had a business dealing with a French person/s, they have INEVITABLY tried to fuck us over. Go fuck yourselves, you self-important assholes from a useless country. You all would have been speaking German if we hadn't bailed out your sorry, arrogant, pussy asses back in WWII.


JoMamma  04/16/09 7:13 pm
Oh, whoops, I meant: "Chin Chin!!"

Julien  04/17/09 8:05 am
I think some of you who left comments do not deserve to wear ts from TSH.These belong to retarded people who did not understand the irony. All this site is about irony and provocation and few dumbasses were trapped...I love the US and I hate stupids.
By the way, for all these idiots who gave lessons about war, please let me how you feel after having been discomfited in Nam by farmers, defeated in Afgha by shepherds and ridiculous in Orient.
Please do not refer to this type of comparison, you make your own people more ashamed.
Love you all and especially TSH

BadAsh13  04/18/09 12:09 pm
are you kidding me? they may stink, and are rude, and dog shit engrained in their streets, but the french are too classy for this site.

keep rockin, tsh

NamVet  04/28/09 6:41 pm
Julien, Actually if your stupid ignorant ass paid any attention to the history books, the French had their asses handed to them in only a couple of days over there before we even got involved. We might not be able to claim a victory or a defeat for that matter, but at least we lasted longer than the frogs. Afga...I won't even go there because I even think that that cause RETARDED!

muzza  05/05/09 3:06 am
so Southern Bitch, where exactly are you pidgeonholing me from? no ghettos where i live honey!

joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: SARR

FUCK YOU stupid bitches! you are morons an stupid fuckin cursed americans!!!beeeeeeee you are smell like not shaved pussy FUCK YOU!!!

Editor's Note: Congratulations, you have successfully insulted me (sort of) while simultaneously leaving me no way to retaliate. I guess I could make fun of your grammar, but that point is so far beyond moot I think it might've gotten moot pregnant.

The reference to "cursed Americans" suggests someone of the Arab persuasion, so I guess I could go with the standard reference to Allah being teabagged by a goat, but I'm just not sure. I think it's the name SARR that's throwing me off. It's looks like an acronym for a random company in the medical field, but with all the goddamn names of all these goddamn people, who the fuck knows?

But for everything wrong with this email, it did manage to diagnose in two seconds what over 100 doctors couldn't diagnose in nearly ten years: I smell like not shaved pussy. Not even the most senior team of surgeons at the Mayo Clinic could figure it out. The closest anyone came was Dr. Farber when he said I might have lupus of the cancerous clit.

He was in the right area, but a misdiagnosis just the same. I tended to that area for the first time since August of '97 and I feel 100% better. I just wish I'd gotten to it before that nest of baby blue jays died in there. Poor things never had a chance.

Comments (13) - View Comments - Add A Comment

chester  04/14/09 12:42 am
I love the smell of not-shaved pussy in the morning.

zane  04/14/09 4:56 am
omg put this picture on a shirt and i will buy it...

Citizen  04/14/09 10:28 am
Everyone knows that to be taken seriously when composing meth induced incoherent English-esque insult letters to t-shirt websites it is mandatory to use all capital letters.

Minimal style points awarded for the seven exclamation points.
Despite the good start and strong finish, This letter shows a disappointing lack of commitment.

I am just not feeling it.


R.Morris  04/14/09 5:11 pm
Im Quite Sure Ive Heard SARR Mentioned In Media Discussions Of Terrorist Activity...I Think Its Supposed To Stand For "Stupid Assed Radical Ragheads....To The Best Of My Recollection!

Iman Azol  04/15/09 12:19 am


hey, if you're not going to bother being intellectual, why should I?

Mr Wattie  04/15/09 4:01 am
Re "cursed Americans", we might even say that too if we weren't so laid back and busy , when we think of it, paying out those sheep shagging Kiwi's, plus the fact we actually like you guys. Americans and your site, that is. Luv from Down Under. Well, some probably wouldn't sent luv. I just want a grandkid so I can get 'em a "I'm only this many and already I hate the Yankees T".

laura  04/15/09 9:21 am
learn how to fucking spell correctly - especially if you are trying to insult someone you fucking moron...lol... oh my god, you really are a douche!...lol

Death Magnetic  04/15/09 6:21 pm
Hey, now wait a minute. Maybe SARR is that French dicklicker Julien! You know how he hates America and Americans!!!

Fuck you, Julien.....I mean, SARR!!!

Gregor  04/16/09 2:13 am
Really what was the fucking point of that "hate mail". If you're going to do it, at least have some point to it, like the point of a crossbow bolt that should be pressed against your temple or up your arsehole (Australian spelling, "asshole" for the Americans. I didnt make the rules....) just before i pull the trigger...

poopdawhoop  04/19/09 1:02 pm

lucakacoucou  04/20/09 4:52 am
Bullshit ! Being an asshole in public is not a french sport ... Being the biggest asshole in public ... This is the true French Tradition ... ^_^

KILL SARR  04/25/09 11:13 am
Isn't it ironic? Don'tcha think? HE follows, "you are morons" with, "beeeeeeee you are smell like not shaved pussy..." WHO IS REALLY THE MORON HERE, MORON?!!!

SARR-Y  04/25/09 11:14 am
SARR=Stupid Arabian Rodent Raper

division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Melissa

I love your hateful, vindictive, harmful statements with our sentiments proudly displayed for all to view. I do however feel the need to say something about your atheist prints. I know you will probably have something terrible to say back to me; however, I would not be a God loving person without mentioning that I wish they could be taken out of circulation and you would not be who you are without saying something ugly in return.

There is freedom of speech and you have the right to sell these types of shirts with the right to put me down for my belief. It's okay, I'll still purchase your shirts. I also know that you probably feel the need to sell to the God haters as well. Take care, I still love you.

Editor's Note: Nicely done. Few people can be simultaneously magnanimous and douchey, but you pulled it off nicely. Thank you ever so kindly for allowing me to continue doing what I've been doing for several years. I know us lowly dimwits who rely on facts and knowledge discovered after the year zero would be lost without you, so I sincerely appreciate your blessing.

Incidentally, who are these "God haters" you refer to? You do know what an atheist is, right? Atheists don't believe in God. Labeling an atheist a "God hater" is like labeling me a "Holocaust hater."

It is the certainty and inflexibility of you religious types which leads to these confrontations. You can believe in your bastard child of a 13-year-old whore and some magic sperm, or whatever fucking God you believe in, but you can't KNOW that shit unless you are God. At least scientists have the decency not to call it the Big Bang Fact.

And the "God haters" reference is also a good example of how presumptuous religious people are concerning others. Someone doesn't slap a fucking fish on their bumper and dip their kid in magic water and all of the sudden they oppose everything you stand for. "What!? You don't follow a bunch of rules written thousands of years ago by a MAN? Well you must hate love, family and goodness. Thank God for my 'with us or against us' mentality."

Okay, enough of the religious shit. You're not here for that. Melissa... you're a stupid cunt and you can eat a big bowl of my pubes and wash it down with some of my douche juice. There, that's better.

Comments (21) - View Comments - Add A Comment

kyle.  04/13/09 10:12 pm
who ever it is that comes up with these comebacks of pure gold..YOU are a god.

Loser  04/14/09 7:23 am
i know I'll catch some shit (possibly on my chest) for this but you could have shortened this response by using the dumb cunt's own god against her by quoting it's big story book...in it there is a line that says "judge not lest ye be judged" I know this because someone left the story book at the VD clinic and i read it while waiting for my test results.

Citizen  04/14/09 9:44 am
Straight from the Xian playbook [From the King James version - It is quoted differently in other versions but the fact that christians cannot get their shit together and agree on which version is correct is another issue altogether]
Isaiah 45:7 - "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things."

So... Actually, This [Site=EVIL - Ooh, Scary!] is all that Abrahamic deities fault & god even admits it's so in the inerrant gospel that is the buy-bull, Quite the fucking douche bag of a deity you have there [Unworthy of worship IMO YMMV.]

...That is, If you happen to be a person who believes that archaic fiction is truth.

"God-Haters"... That's laughable!
I see no evidence for any gods and do not accept the assertion that there are any [Not just the Judeo-Christian-Islamic god, But Odin, Ra, Mithra, Zeus, Etc... None of them]

I cannot hate what doesn't exist.

Claiming "God-Hater" is akin to saying that someone is a "Leprechaun-Hater".

After all, There is equal evidence for the existence of both gods and Leprechauns... And that would be none.

I do not fear/hate your imaginary bearded sky daddy and it is delusional on your part to think otherwise, Your pretend friends are a non-issue wrt my existence.

I am Citizen & I deny the holy spirit.

Have a nice day.

Mohegan69  04/14/09 11:38 am
Funny how a "God Loving" person would be purchasing shirts from this site in the first place. Wear them to church often? Hypocrite.

just me  04/14/09 1:22 pm
mohegan69-- that was THE best response! you should be writting for t-shirt hell too!

chester  04/14/09 7:55 pm
Citizen - SHUT THE FUCK UP. You are making the same goddamn points as the editor... except you are using five times as many words and not using humour. That is my professional analysis of your diatribe, douche.

Iman Azol  04/15/09 12:22 am
Fuck god. And niggers.

Wears 'em all  04/15/09 9:27 am
You are hilarious. I wish I could come up with stuff like that.

muzza  04/15/09 9:28 am
yep yep, all good, nice response from ED, read through comments n while i agreed with most wasnt till IMAN that i had a decent chuckle, nice work mate, love it!

Zhivago  04/15/09 9:34 am
What? God is a nigger! Why did you think he is so lazy and hasing done any miracles in like 2000 years?

Calia  04/15/09 11:28 am

xsentrikk  04/15/09 12:12 pm
I love being an Atheist! lol

not  04/15/09 1:16 pm
Is this because of the rainbow t-shirt. I voted for that one.

Yvette  04/15/09 3:57 pm
LOL!! I for one do believe in God but fuck all that religious crap and people who think they know it all because a man made book that hello they sell for 30 bucks talk about makin that money!! Oh wait I thought the lords house is not a market place...Fyi we aren't "God haters" we just hate everyone!

Death Magnetic  04/15/09 6:31 pm
I don't hate everyone and certainly not God, just wetbacks!!!

Your Mother's Boyfriend  04/15/09 8:57 pm
What is this "Holocaust" that you keep mentioning? It didn't get much press down here in the south.

On an unrelated note... if black is beautiful, then I just shit a beauty!

Have a nice day!

Angus McShagnasty  04/16/09 1:14 am
The holocaust is no laughing matter. My grandfather died in Auschwitz, well ok he didn't die, but he did break his leg falling out of the guard tower. Niggers, wetbacks, sure but what about all those smelly arabs? I say fuck them all.

God  04/18/09 12:02 pm
Melissa, stop being a cuntnugget.

Josie Wales  04/20/09 12:53 pm
There is no year 0.

Citizen  04/20/09 2:44 pm

'Professional analysis' is what your paying your therapist to attempt, Not something you post on t-shirt websites.

P.S. All caps emphasis = Fail

FED  04/21/09 6:56 am
I wish Christians would be taken out of circulation

does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Submission-----

From: Spencer

Who writes the news letter? Is it really a woman? If so I believe I am in love. Please let her know.


Editor's Note: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not actually a woman. This is President Barack Obama. We can still fuck if you want. I assume you're not into butt sex regardless of whether you're pitching or catching, but I'll gladly give your cock some of the silver tongue treatment. I'll even shave off all my body hair, wear a lady's wig and tuck my junk between my legs if it'll seal the deal. I'm trying to win over American hearts and minds, and I can't think of a better way to do that than to let them cum all over my face.

Hell, I'll even let you fuck Michelle. We're in this together. She will gladly let you pound that honey-scented ass if it'll help this country come together. Just do me the courtesy of pulling out. I don't need any more of "my" kids running around the White House.

Speaking of which, feel free to include my daughters in this little Oborgy. Malia and Sasha can attach the cables to your balls and Biden can work the switch. Whatever you're into, man. I'm not here to judge anybody.

Anyway, I hope this clears up any confusion about my gender/identity. Until next newsletter, keep them taints moist. Oh, and remember to wax and bleach your assholes. You'll know why when I propose the 28th amendment.

Comments (16) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Mike  04/13/09 11:16 pm
I thought Sunshine wrote these newsletters? Who the fuck writes these?

FuckDaPolice  04/14/09 7:06 am
Nope, some black byatch. How many pussy references do you need dummy?!

Mohegan69  04/14/09 11:41 am
I'm down for this orgy. Let's make it happen.

Dale B  04/14/09 5:44 pm
I got one question...are the flies that lapped up Jesus' blood while he was on the cross going to Hades?

Heather  04/14/09 11:57 pm
This was amazing. Marry me. And/or, rape me. Whatever works.

Iman Azol  04/15/09 12:24 am
Fuck. That nasty fat chick I picked up last night isn't your joke writer?

The bitch lied.

bubba  04/15/09 2:48 pm
im down for the special sex... ill even poop on your chest. marry me girl... if your not a girl lets move to vermont. they'll let faggits marry

Death Magnetic  04/15/09 6:42 pm
Mr. President, I'd be honored to fuck Michelle right in her bleached asshole. You can stand in the corner and jerk yourself off as I punch her round, firm booty!! Sounds like a plan I'm down for!! Let's do it!!

Your Mother's Boyfriend  04/15/09 9:03 pm
Who the fuck is Barack Obama? Doesn't matter... I'll give a Cleveland Steamer to any taker out there!

Reggie  04/16/09 6:03 pm
yeah you guys are fucking douchebags, you claim you have all these values and a purpose to what your doing regardless of how insensitive, stupid, and just asshole-ish it may seem at face value but NOTHING anyone says can generate a positive response from you at all! to me, that means the if nothing positive can be reaped from your actions then nothing positive is going into it so you are all just a waste of space and can suck on a gay donkey's ass hole while simultaneously receiving a huge dildo up your urethra andd having to guzzle gallons of my ejaculate matter, forcibly... assholes

agent003  04/17/09 1:48 am
Fuck me! I want you to come write my material at work, whoever you are. And I work with kids!(Really) This shit is fantfuckingtastic! Love it!

irapethewilling  04/17/09 5:10 pm
dale b.......i owe you a beer. that made me pee a lot bit.

Rankhor  04/21/09 2:29 am
Children... mmmm


SunshineMegatron Forever  04/25/09 11:26 am
It claims to be a black female, but may actually a man. Shup up and do not anger it! >bow

White Guy  04/25/09 11:29 am
He ain't all dat, but I'd fuck Obama. I likes me some black dick and ass! 8====>~~~

ittakesgutstolovejesus  09/13/09 2:10 am
I'm sure all of you have suffered greatly at the hands of Christians, you know, trying to convert you or suggesting that possibly your life could be lived better with a little guidance from a book over 2000 years old. Or, horror upon horrors, they may have actually said "bless you" when you sneezed, and since you are not a Christian, this was an automatic criticism of your lifestyle. I mean, really? There are some sanctimonious, asshole Christians out there, but she isn't one of them. LOLZ, fucken christians, they r ruining teh world!!!1! Right. Jesus said "The world will hate you because of Me." The more you hate, the more you show me that He really knew the future. I know that I swore in this comment and you will call me a douchebag, and Jesus will forgive both of us, but that's not the point and it never was, and if the so-called Christians in your lives never made it clear, then they probably are the hypocrites you make them out to be and are only faithful out of reflex. You must ask Jesus to save you. He died so that you could have your sins taken away without paying the price yourself. God is not hateful, and he wants you to go to heaven, but sin is intolerable in His presence. That's all. That's Christianity in a nutshell. If you're still reafing this, you must have actually been interested, and you're wasting time anyway if you are looking at the comments on here, so don't bother pointing out how long winded or hypocritical this is. I'm not going to come back and read it anyways.

division of labor

[Vaya Con Fuck Off]

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to say, "Two and a Half Men is actually pretty funny."