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newsfromhell

Damn Thing.

Attention fellow African-Americans: This month's thing to overreact to is Don Imus.

For anyone who missed it because they don't pay attention to bullshit that gets blown out of proportion, radio personality (and douchebag) Don Imus has recently come under fire for referring to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "some nappy-headed hos."

The whole situation is ridiculous, but it does raise a couple of interesting questions. 1) Why the fuck was a black person listening to Don Imus? And 2) When was it decided that the first amendment should only exist for the sake of irony?

Old White Nappy Headed Ho

In any event, I'd like to advise all you white people to stop using the word nappy. You can go back to saying nigger until we get this whole thing sorted out. And, as usual, rappers can say whatever they want at all times.

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New Shirts

We've added several new shirts just in time for Earth Day. To commemorate this event, we've decided to do absolutely nothing different.

This batch of new shirts has something for everyone. That includes a shirt for people who want to fuck and replace postcoital spooning with more fucking, a shirt for people who want a better view, and a shirt for ladies who have amazing breasts (or just think they do).

But if that's not enough, we've also added a shirt for the pro-choice among you, and a shirt for the mistake you made if you aren't pro-choice. Meaning we've added a new baby shirt. All those and many more.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_041607_news.htm


division

Cause food is for pussies.

As 4/20 approaches I've only got one thing on my mind: To do everything I possibly can, within the boundaries of the law, to legalize the use of marijuana. But before you filthy stoners applaud my efforts and eat another bowl of ice cream covered in Doritos, you should know that it still wouldn't be legal for you. I propose to make marijuana legal only for those of us who haven't been previously charged with possession or use of the substance.

Pretty sure this guy was high.You may be wondering why I would take such an unpopular and unusual stance. The reason is simple. By obeying the law and depriving ourselves of one of life's great pleasures, I feel that those of us who have avoided the drug have earned the right to use it. Kind of like how women that had numerous unwanted children earned the right to a few abortions after it was legalized.

Potheads, on the other hand, haven't earned shit. They aren't rebels. They're just selfish bastards that are too weak to face the shittiness of sobriety. While the rest of us have resorted to alcohol, prescription drugs, licking toads and huffing paint to make us forget about the pain known as life, they've been blowing their delicious smoke right in the face of justice.

Definitely think this guy was high.Well no more. It's time for you assholes to face the harsh realities of life while the rest of us toke up. It's your turn to cry yourself to sleep as you realize that you're trapped in a loveless marriage. It's your turn to seethe in anger at the thought of working yet another day at your shitty job. And, most importantly, it's your turn to realize that Cheech and Chong just aren't that funny.

The same thing applies to all laws, not just the ones pertaining to marijuana. Breaking the law, no matter how ignorant and irrational that law may be, is still breaking the law. It's not civil disobedience or any other romantic notion you might have.

I think I used to buy weed off this chick.It's easy to point at someone like Rosa Parks and say that my point has no validity, but she was nothing more than a lazy criminal. Sitting at the front of that bus was the easy thing to do. If she truly cared about the cause she would've written her state senator or congressman a rational, well thought-out letter on the subject of civil rights. But did she do that? No. She just refused to give up her seat and made a bunch of law-abiding white men endure an incredibly uncomfortable situation.

This whole problem began when this country was founded. Rather than keep their mouths shut and continue to live under oppressive tyranny, our forefathers decided to begin their own nation. Sure, it's great that their actions have allowed us to live in a free society, but they set a precedent that it's okay for someone to break the rules just because the rules are fucked up.

These guys were actually undercover narcs.I have one last message for all you pot smokers out there. Go ahead and smoke your weed. Take hits from your bong and eat your pizza. But just remember, while you're feeling mellow and not bothering anyone, the rest of us are out here feeling the kind of misery that only strict obedience to bullshit can make you feel. Happy 4/20, you goddamn hippies.

 

(Note: If you disagree with any of this, I'd just like you to know that this article was a coded message to my dealer.)


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