Damn Thing.

Attention fellow African-Americans: This month's thing to overreact to is Don Imus.

For anyone who missed it because they don't pay attention to bullshit that gets blown out of proportion, radio personality (and douchebag) Don Imus has recently come under fire for referring to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "some nappy-headed hos."

The whole situation is ridiculous, but it does raise a couple of interesting questions. 1) Why the fuck was a black person listening to Don Imus? And 2) When was it decided that the first amendment should only exist for the sake of irony?

Old White Nappy Headed Ho

In any event, I'd like to advise all you white people to stop using the word nappy. You can go back to saying nigger until we get this whole thing sorted out. And, as usual, rappers can say whatever they want at all times.


New Shirts

We've added several new shirts just in time for Earth Day. To commemorate this event, we've decided to do absolutely nothing different.

This batch of new shirts has something for everyone. That includes a shirt for people who want to fuck and replace postcoital spooning with more fucking, a shirt for people who want a better view, and a shirt for ladies who have amazing breasts (or just think they do).

But if that's not enough, we've also added a shirt for the pro-choice among you, and a shirt for the mistake you made if you aren't pro-choice. Meaning we've added a new baby shirt. All those and many more.

All of our new shirts are here:


Cause food is for pussies.

As 4/20 approaches I've only got one thing on my mind: To do everything I possibly can, within the boundaries of the law, to legalize the use of marijuana. But before you filthy stoners applaud my efforts and eat another bowl of ice cream covered in Doritos, you should know that it still wouldn't be legal for you. I propose to make marijuana legal only for those of us who haven't been previously charged with possession or use of the substance.

Pretty sure this guy was high.You may be wondering why I would take such an unpopular and unusual stance. The reason is simple. By obeying the law and depriving ourselves of one of life's great pleasures, I feel that those of us who have avoided the drug have earned the right to use it. Kind of like how women that had numerous unwanted children earned the right to a few abortions after it was legalized.

Potheads, on the other hand, haven't earned shit. They aren't rebels. They're just selfish bastards that are too weak to face the shittiness of sobriety. While the rest of us have resorted to alcohol, prescription drugs, licking toads and huffing paint to make us forget about the pain known as life, they've been blowing their delicious smoke right in the face of justice.

Definitely think this guy was high.Well no more. It's time for you assholes to face the harsh realities of life while the rest of us toke up. It's your turn to cry yourself to sleep as you realize that you're trapped in a loveless marriage. It's your turn to seethe in anger at the thought of working yet another day at your shitty job. And, most importantly, it's your turn to realize that Cheech and Chong just aren't that funny.

The same thing applies to all laws, not just the ones pertaining to marijuana. Breaking the law, no matter how ignorant and irrational that law may be, is still breaking the law. It's not civil disobedience or any other romantic notion you might have.

I think I used to buy weed off this chick.It's easy to point at someone like Rosa Parks and say that my point has no validity, but she was nothing more than a lazy criminal. Sitting at the front of that bus was the easy thing to do. If she truly cared about the cause she would've written her state senator or congressman a rational, well thought-out letter on the subject of civil rights. But did she do that? No. She just refused to give up her seat and made a bunch of law-abiding white men endure an incredibly uncomfortable situation.

This whole problem began when this country was founded. Rather than keep their mouths shut and continue to live under oppressive tyranny, our forefathers decided to begin their own nation. Sure, it's great that their actions have allowed us to live in a free society, but they set a precedent that it's okay for someone to break the rules just because the rules are fucked up.

These guys were actually undercover narcs.I have one last message for all you pot smokers out there. Go ahead and smoke your weed. Take hits from your bong and eat your pizza. But just remember, while you're feeling mellow and not bothering anyone, the rest of us are out here feeling the kind of misery that only strict obedience to bullshit can make you feel. Happy 4/20, you goddamn hippies.


(Note: If you disagree with any of this, I'd just like you to know that this article was a coded message to my dealer.)

Comments (38) - View Comments - Add A Comment

weeeeeeed  04/12/07 6:55 pm
puff puff pass

JEWorld  04/17/07 1:55 pm
I think the last paragraph about Imus from "The Mid-April Thing" has got to be the funniest thing I have ever read.

Doe  04/17/07 3:04 pm
Wow. I loved your t-shirts and buying them until I saw this meandering diatribe.

Alice  04/17/07 3:44 pm
The Don Imus rant completely and utterly wins. Bravo for saying what we all already know but haven't managed to say because we're not nearly as ballsy as you are.

mike  04/17/07 8:21 pm
Hey, Bitch, or whatever y'all are. I must say, in all concience, that you say what's on my mind. Your shirts are THE SHIT, and I'm proud to be a a part of y'all's mail. Yes' I am a Southern Fucker, one that f'arred the first shot, but I'm happy to say that I read your shit every month, and love every stroke, and y'all don't offend me whatsoever. Go The Fuck On!!

bizkit  04/17/07 9:17 pm

Mike  04/18/07 12:48 am
I find his reasoning behind it very stupid since he thinks if you have'nt been charged you don't smoke it.Or avoiding the law should be rewarded. I don't smoke anymore and don't plan to again if he's that down on life he should /himself smoking pot is for retards

paul an English man  04/18/07 3:42 am
South Korea to ban tobacco after student dies after smoking 32 Virginians in two hours.

KingCat  04/18/07 4:29 am
Some people just dont have a sense of humour.

The last paragraph about Imus cracked me up and the whole 4/20 article was brilliant.

Adam  04/18/07 5:44 am
Love the new format. As always, admirable writing and humour.

aysegul  04/18/07 6:18 am
This is probably one of the most interesting articles I've read on the internet. About the rules of USA... I've seen that the "USA system" really is not what it looks like from Eurasian point of view. Plus, isn't it funny that all around the world (except some "lucky" states or countries) we all beg for legalization of something that belongs to nature, created by nature, exists in nature etc... LEGALIZE IT!

BassMan Dan  04/18/07 8:52 am
DON IMUS for President. Hell, Yeah!!!

FukDaPolice  04/18/07 11:14 am
Man, FUCK Imus, that creepy ass unfunny fuck! His first amendment rights weren't challenged, HE DIDN'T GET ARRESTED, dumb-fucks, he got FIRED! Just like your mom did when she yelled "I love Big Black Cocks!!" at work. Silly crackers.

Krow  04/18/07 12:11 pm
Hey, ya nappy...oops sorry I meant nigger headed Ho !
It's still ok to call the Rutgers women's basketball team Ho's right ? I hope so because that's really an endearing term. Ho's are some of my favorite peoples.

pissypant  04/18/07 2:42 pm
What is 4/20?

george  04/18/07 3:37 pm
THANK YOU my best dealer is the chief of police

Rachel  04/18/07 7:13 pm
I love reading your responses. You are so funny :)

Darlene  04/18/07 8:14 pm
Ahh, I LOVE this new format of writing!

Oh man, this comment thing should have been thought of monthss ago. The Rosa Parks thing, omg.. You just never stop. ;x I love it though, controversy owns. Let's just all be slaves of the government lmfao.

Keep this up ;]

HO LUVER  04/18/07 10:57 pm
AMEN SISTER!!!! I can finally use the word NIGGER again and not be beaten senseless by a bunch of nappy headed HO'S......I just love it when the First Admendment is trampled on by the RACE MONGERS in this nation. Imus said nothing worse than 50cent, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, or Outkast say in every single "song" they sing. And that is the role models that our children want to be like. SET IMUS FREE!!!!!!GIVE HIM BACK HIS SHOW!!!!!!LET THE SHIT GO!!!!!!!!You bunch of nappy headed ho's. 4/20 fuckin rock....just like T-SHIRT HELL!!!!!!!!!

Fuzzy  04/19/07 4:34 am
But wait, do you include civil disobedience, like being naked in public because you can, the same as hippie pot-smokin' high shit which I guess is bad...? Because I like being naked in public. It shakes things up and freaks people out, but it's harmless...

Mikey  04/19/07 5:12 am
I have no idea what you fucks are on about - all I got from that article is she wants three cracked-up hookers with filthy cunts lying naked behind her local Walmart dumpsters at 3am tomorrow morning. Wait ... shit.

Steven  04/19/07 11:42 am
I love your stuff! It hits close to home while still having the innocence of comedy. And all the uptight bastards who think otherwise need to get laid.

Teresa  04/19/07 12:31 pm
Whatever You are gettin from you dealer, I'll take two. It must be some heavy shit, as a stoner, I have lots of time to sit and REALLY think about stuff, and NEVER have I even thought of some of the shit you come up with. And if you are not a stoner I suggest you become one, give your mind a break my friend.

kronick  04/19/07 12:57 pm
Wow, letting people comment in this new format really provides another glimpse of how stupid people really are. Do they still teach English in school or did that go out the door when they canceled Physical Education?
As long as these fat, illiterate assholes can work a computer and buy funny t-shirts they at least serve a purpose.

Rowena  04/19/07 4:20 pm
You are one funny, funny, breath of fresh air in a world polluted by mediocrity and bullshit. (AND you are a nappy-headed ho, to boot!) Kudos to you! xo

Tim  04/19/07 4:45 pm
The Imus comment would have been much funnier if it wasn't coming from a Nappy Headed Ho. Now, it's just another grain of salt in a growing mound of "who the fuck cares?"

workinsmoker  04/19/07 4:59 pm
i work 3 jobs, puff, raise my kids, pay all my bills and taxes, so you better watch what you say when you talk about us 'potheads' being lazy

Your Dealer  04/19/07 5:30 pm
Okay, no problem. I'll stop by later...

Jenn  04/19/07 6:21 pm
i thought you might be interested to know that 4:20 has become a famous saying in smoking pot, because it is the most optimum time to get high. You are supposed to be able to get the highest at 4:20pm then you would any other time of the day. It relates back to chinesse medicine.

J. DM  04/20/07 12:38 am
I'm plan on doin' what I do every 4/20 - rob the local record store, Spencer's Gifts & any other crap-shack owned by doped-up hippies while they're too busy sittin' on ass. It's like taking candy from a blind, retarded baby... Enjoy yer smokes, hos, if you want your lifetime of possessions back, check eBay around 4/21 or so...

Loreli  04/20/07 2:39 am

Ja  04/20/07 12:34 pm
I look forward to your monthly newsletters. I appreciate your humor. One day, I might buy a t-shirt. . . Happy 4/20.

P. I. Sstaker  04/22/07 8:22 am
hahaha fuckin gold.I loved reading this.They are usually really good,The Don Imus article was lacking though. =)
Not that you give a shit

epic612  04/23/07 5:20 pm
yeah so, imus, while an asshole, should be able to say whats on his mind just like the misogynistic gun toting rappers our kids listen to do all the time. shootin niggas and fuckin hos is okay to print 100,000 CDs of, but nappy-headed hos gets him fired? fuck, he just needs to say that over and over again over a timbaland track, he'll sell millions of records. and as far as the pot thing, well, shit, i don't care if it's ever legal, i'll never stop. ya buck of nappy-head hos!!!!!!!!!

Dishuman  04/28/07 11:41 pm
Lmao... great news letter man. as always... loved the weed article... and hey i agree i will go back to using the word nigger, and if the niggers dont like it, fuck em... i can't call them white if they are black... the whole thing with the poor Imus is stupid and hypocritical, but whatever this country if full on both. :)

j  04/29/07 4:27 pm
yes we potheads are lazy, but you say that like its a bad thing.:)

Autumn Hasegawa  05/01/07 1:07 am
I ♥'ed every moment! THANK YOU!

Lauren  05/12/07 2:51 pm


-----Original Message-----

From: Scott F.

Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Why the FUCK do you insist on not allowing choice of front or back printing?!? Having a big splash of crap on the front of a shirt is gay, while having it on the back is acceptable. What you want, is a small logo on the front breast, with the large print on the back. Make it so.

Editor's Note: Hey, thanks for the advice. Tell me the name of the t-shirt company you run that makes millions of dollars every year and I'll be sure to study your business blueprint.

Business wizard.What's that? You don't have a t-shirt company? That's weird. I mean, I just assumed you knew what the fuck you were talking about because you seemed so confident. In any case, I appreciate your advice. Now go tell McDonald's how to sell hamburgers. I hear they're in trouble and only a business wizard like you can bail them out. And while you're at it, why don't you tell me how to sell crack to inner-city youths?

I know it would take about twenty speed-freaks with machetes to cut through all that sarcasm, but I'd like to respond to this seriously for a moment. The reason we print on the front of our shirts is very simple. These shirts are all about sharing a moment and witnessing reactions. Individuality is overrated.Whether that reaction is laughter or disgust, people want to see the effect their shirt has on others. Even if that means seeing a mother puke all over her baby right before taking her own life.

And we don't put a little logo on the front breast because we'd like to think that our product, and not our name, is what people are interested in. It's when you start relying on your name to sell your product that you wind up with 50 million douchebags all wearing the same stupid shit from Tommy Hilfiger. I hope I cleared things up for you. I'd hate to think I was going to tie you up and disembowel you while these questions were still weighing on your mind.

Comments (33) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Don Imus  04/17/07 9:11 pm
Big Dog t-shirt company.

Grizzy Husted  04/17/07 10:13 pm
Personal Prefererence; Shut the fucck up and don't buy from the T'shirt "hell" and make your own company

Annie  04/17/07 10:25 pm
Is there a video of the mother puking on her baby and then killing herself over one of your T-shirts?

Clockwork Orange  04/17/07 10:42 pm
I am also interested in aforementioned video.

Evan  04/18/07 1:53 am
the reaction is the only reason to wear these shirts you twat...if you are to scared to tell the world they are a pack of cunts to thier faces then you should maybe go back to buying your shirts at the Gap

andrew  04/18/07 7:48 am
if you want to hide the designs on these shirts by putting them on the back then dont fucking buy them! and dont be a cunt and tell people what to do. you can suggest stuff, but dont go around saying "you should do this," "this is better." "i'm a little prick who thinks im better than everyone else."

jon  04/18/07 8:12 am
this guy is one of those losers that feels more comfortable with a name on his/her shirt as you mentioned. he also hopes that he can jump over the line of proper and improper without actually doing it. get fucked you sheep.

Koneko  04/18/07 9:47 am
I remember when I was 5 and t-shirts had their logo on the back. Since when has that come back?? Oh hasn't.

go suck your momma's cock  04/18/07 10:02 am
rediculous!! preposterous!! if the good designs were on the back, all us bitches with long hair wouldn't do the company any good when we wear the shirts. umm...kinda impossible to see the design if it's covered with hair. go crawl back in your hole, dickhead!

Michael Z. Williamson  04/18/07 10:42 am
Or you could just wear the shirt backwards. That way it'll have the logo where you want it and everyone will know you're a fucktard.

Nappy-Headed Ho  04/18/07 11:15 am
Koneko- you can remember that far back, huh? Impressive!
Now why the fuck did you guys put out a shirt with print on the back this month? (awesome shirt by the way)
You are fucking hypocrites and I love you!

Don of the Dead  04/18/07 12:17 pm
The only reason he wants the design on the back is so his boyfriend can see it while he's getting his poop chute pounded.

Krow  04/18/07 12:25 pm
Obviously this guy is a "top" and not a "Bottom" and wants to read the shirt while he's fucking his boyfriend in the ass.


TWeaK  04/18/07 1:13 pm
Why not give people the choice? If he chooses to let the disgusted mother/t-shirt viewer to get the chance to charge at him in malice to ram a stick up his ass, then why not? The rest of us can see our attackers coming.

What I don't get though is why the hoodies are printed on the back now o.O

Nuthin  04/18/07 3:00 pm
Dude like ur shirts fucking rock.. seriously where do u come up with this shit?... and fuck i wana buy one but im not old enough 2 own a credit card :-| i mean i dont like the ones about god? but who really gives a fuck what i like lol aslong as u keep putting in that funny shit r0fl

straightheadedho  04/18/07 3:16 pm
Mitch Hedberg.....R.I.P.

Mikey Mike  04/18/07 5:06 pm

Darlene  04/18/07 8:22 pm
Ahh, Annie over there took my comment. I'd really like to see the woman vomitting over her baby before taking her life. Sounds interesting.

Kitty  04/19/07 9:12 am
I thought the whole point of having a front print was to avoid surprise attacks from far off viewers. A fat person running towards you with a knife is much easier to see than one running towards you from behind!

pro CHOICE  04/19/07 10:03 am
God, so many sheep. "HEY!!! Don't suggest our pal change anything, we agree with everything he says!!!" Damn you people are so predictable, and on EVERY board on the net, I swear. How cool would it be to have the choice of front or back? Very, is your answer. Pleebs.

Colonel Lee  04/19/07 10:11 am
Yeah, and what about when you sit at the bar, after you get the reaction from the bartender, nobody gets to read it while you're leaving.

Charles  04/19/07 11:17 am
The one this month is on the back because that's what makes it funny.

and to this kid.

Nuthin who said and I quote,
"Dude like ur shirts fucking rock.. seriously where do u come up with this shit?... and fuck i wana buy one but im not old enough 2 own a credit card :-| i mean i dont like the ones about god? but who really gives a fuck what i like lol aslong as u keep putting in that funny shit r0fl"

Your computer has letters to type out full words, use them you lazy piece of shit.

Male_Whore  04/19/07 11:23 am
Wow! It would be soooo fun to walk backwards and have it printed on the back

Mark  04/19/07 12:43 pm
We need the logo on the front and back. I can't stand the thought of not offending everyone with my $20 midget head shirt, and I do get pretty dizzy spinning around all the time to make sure no one was missed. I even tried spinning back the other direction. No Good either. I do love to see people look down at my junk like they might be able to see if I really shaved my balls for this. Buy a hat, then you can spin it around so people can read it while you are running away dumbass.

momojo  04/19/07 1:52 pm
you people posting comments are too fucking angry, did you not just read the thing about blowing shit out of proportion? just wear the shirt backwards.

Leeloo  04/19/07 2:15 pm
someone should go Virginia Tech on that guys ass!

mierda  04/19/07 3:21 pm
I agree with that guy, because what he demands isn't that the t-shirts have to have the design always on the back, is the right to chose back or front what he wants. Obviously, it wouldn't be the same "funny" effect, but what do you care of? If I buy a t-shirt to wipe my ass, it concern only to me. P.S. I hope that Koreans kill you all, fuckers

KmQ13  04/19/07 4:52 pm
Hey Mierda and any one else who agrees with that you see a "have it your way" slogan anywhere on this site? no. obviously what ever they are doing is right if they make all this money and attract you to their site. Thats like going up to Steve Jobs and telling his buisness is awful and the reason is because ipods should be circles, not rectangles. You just dont tell a rich man that he sucks at his job and that your poor ass could do better.

Brian  04/20/07 3:09 am
It would actually be nice to have the option of front or back print. Personally, I like shirts with shit on the back, and wouldnt mind so much if someone thought it would be cool to punch me in the back of the head... I dont go down easy and usually run before the cops and paramedics get there. Something to think about for laughs and more sales though. More money, or more money, or more money, or more money and people advertising for you as they lay face down on the ground? Fuck it, ill buy them either way. Later.

Satanfornoreason  04/21/07 12:29 am
Not to mention the cost of changing the manufacturing process ("Stop the press and throw that size XL, men's sleeveless heather blue t-shirt away. Order #129 wanted the graphic on the back!").
I think it's great that customers send unsolicited demands to companies, so this guy isn't a bastard for that. What I'm curious about is why he was so upset about the lack of this option.
It's not only the fact that's successful; most other clothing manufacturers don't offer this choice.
The guy's crazy, not because he asked tshirthell to redevelop their manufacturing process, but because he cares so much about it.

The Yawning Clam  04/23/07 2:20 pm
like the t-shirt but don't want it printed on the front?

photoshop your own version of it and will make it for you, for LESS than TSH, and print it on both sides if that's what you want

scshells  04/27/07 10:32 am
You have a Great Wit and Hilarious Sarcasm! got to get them both on shirts! Thats what makes us AMERICANS! FTW and keep on with the great shirts.

naughty  04/30/07 9:19 pm
Keep em on the front!!! my tits look even more fabulous with your designs decorating them!!! THANX!!!!


-----Original Message-----

From: mar t.

Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2007

This is for the designer of Bush - love him or hate him he's killed a ton of arabs.

It's disgusting how your stupid mind see things. you poor little bastard racist. the only difference really stands up here are assholes like you.

Happiness wizard.Editor's Note: I may be racist, and I may be a bastard, and I may be an asshole, but...I forgot where I was going with that. Regardless, you're an idiot.

Nice work on that last sentence, by the way. It's obvious that you simply put on a blindfold and repeatedly hit the keyboard with your pudding spoon, yet you still managed to make some words. You didn't create a coherent thought, but with a little work and some patience from the teacher that typically just teaches deaf and blind children how to say "food" and "bathroom," you'll be sleeping in a bed without restraints any day now.

For anyone else that may be offended by that shirt, it may interest you to know that President Bush himself designed it. And the reason it may interest you to know that is because it's not the truth.

Comments (18) - View Comments - Add A Comment

ashlee  04/17/07 4:16 pm
Just a thought but if 'dubya did indeed design the shit, it would read ...A-raab (phonetically spelled incorrectly)

Brian Grainger  04/17/07 9:10 pm
To Mar t Bushit (as i like to call him) has also killed a ton of you Americans, you dumb fuck!

Mustard Dick  04/18/07 12:24 am
One thing I hate is when one person is given credit for the accomplishment's of others. George Bush didnt kill any Arabs... the good old American G.I. did. Thanks boys keep up the good work.

Calvin  04/18/07 9:49 am
Fuck the Arabs, kill them all. This shirt is amazing as are all the rest of the shirts on this website. It takes a genius to create such masterpieces and fuck-asses like Mar T to bring down hard work and fucking talent. Fuck your mother you no dick loser. If I knew your parents I would kill them for reproducing, you product of careless fucking!

George W  04/18/07 7:20 pm
U fuck head!! I knew you would do this to me and take credit for something I did. If you want credit then take credit for fucking Osama's brains out and bringing his little dick back to me on Hillary's head!!!

unimpressed  04/18/07 11:43 pm
anyone notice how lame and childish the comments are? i thought it was a good idea until i started reading their nonsensical crap.

also unimpressed  04/19/07 1:53 am
I'm with you on that one, I had high hopes for the comments, but they are written by retards just as moronic as the hate mail writers. I didn't realize basic intellect was such a rare commodity.

Maggie  04/19/07 2:31 am
Also unimpressed - And of course, your supposedly intellectual elitism is what puts you above retarded comments, right? Oops, wait, you made one. Am I right to assume you only visit this site for the clever political shirts that it offers, and the rest are just beneath you? Cause people who have high hopes for anything intelligent on a popular website tend to be like that.

Nils  04/19/07 4:49 am
What amazes me is that so very few of the people making comments to people who have not understood the humour of the T-shirts, really understand them themselves. Mar T can either be pro-bush and are offended because the shirt states that he is a murderer, but as he mentions racist in his email I will have to guess that he is an arab who is offended that anyone would think its funny that US have killed a tons of arabs. Both equally stupid and equally offending to both sides, which indeed make it a political shirt (Maggie). Thats what makes the shirt funny. And btw Calvin, youre an idiot.

Poolie  04/19/07 11:22 am
Wow...people are unreal, in that they think this shirt has anything to do with racism. I'm totally anti-bush, and have no issue with Arabs..and it's clear to me this is humor - meant to bring out the obvious in stating what he has done, - how ridiculous it is that he did it.

laurie  04/19/07 12:03 pm
I love you! I seriously began to doubt whether people could actually use the English language in it's intended manner! Thanks for giving me hope that not everyone, besides me of course, speaks ebonics, and can't spell their way out of a paper bag, although I must admit that misspelled graffiti is amusing.

sam  04/19/07 1:55 pm
Uh, hmmmm. Is "Arab" a race?

KmQ13  04/19/07 5:00 pm
Judging by the sentence structure i bet Bush wrote that himself.

steve c  04/20/07 1:22 am
hahahahahaha, good times

steve c  04/20/07 1:28 am
Arab isn't so much a race but more of an obstacle course. It's one lap around and if you make it alive, you win.

Megan  04/20/07 6:12 pm
lol..One of my favorite parts of receiving the monthly email is reading the hate mail, and in turn the reponse provided..I LOVE IT! Even if the shirt IS offensive, who cares? Just don't buy it - but please, keep writing hate mail ;)

Cody M  04/23/07 8:54 pm
I agree with the editor. I believe that Bush himself did create that t-shirt out of the fact that he is responsible for the Arabs he did kill, or maim, destroy, assassinate, etc. But i don't believe the editor is a racist, he just has a strong sense of humor. The people who finds these shirts offensive are the bastard racist assholes!

whitepower  04/26/07 1:49 pm


-----Original Message-----

From: jufa*** @ ***.com

Sent: Monday, April 02, 2007

Subject: Helping you!

Hello There Kind sirs,

I am taking this time out of my day to helps imrove your company! You are selling shirts that have much lack of respect. You should remove your shirts for the health of all of our souls. When you confront Allah, you shall be judged, and so I am sending this anonymous email to help you later on!

Editor's Note: You took time out of your day to help improve our company? You selfish bastard. Think of all the windows that went unlicked that day. And think of all those poor troglodytes that didn't get their daily boost of self-esteem because you weren't there to greet them at the entrance of Wal-Mart. For shame. Hello, and welcome to my nightmare!

By the way, this email reminds me of a little game I thought of the other day. I made it up as I read through my one thousandth incoherent email. It's called "Retard or Foreigner?" I think the title is self-explanatory, but in case you don't get it, the basic idea is that you have to decide if someone is a retard or a foreigner based on how they speak.

And you can't cheat the way my friend Sheila does. She always offers the participants shoelaces to eat and it pretty much gives away the answer.

Incidentally, you don't need to worry about me being confronted by Allah. I play strip poker with that guy every Tuesday. And let's just say he doesn't exactly need to put on a Magnum before he declares jihad, if you know what I mean. (Allah has a tiny cock)

Comments (44) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Bake  04/17/07 7:31 pm
Hey Rag Head, when me and my boys get to heaven we are going to fuck all of your virgins and make you watch. Then we are going to praise allah and his small dick while cutting your head off with a box cutter.

Bake  04/17/07 7:34 pm
Forgot to add that I don't always get your shirts, but I love the fact you produce them.

Nutz  04/17/07 8:14 pm that a girl or a guy in the photo?...shit if I know and the more I think it, the sicker it gets...ugh!

crhall  04/17/07 11:48 pm
I find it hilarious that so many people who write in are polite. Seriously, if you are offended and pissed off to the point of writing the company and complaining, then fucking get angry! Angry hatemail is funny.

Mustard Dick  04/18/07 12:27 am
Looks like the Marines missed one.

Master Shake  04/18/07 12:59 am
HAHAHA! Fucking brilliant.

Fluffy Lubrication  04/18/07 2:48 am
I love the way you insult everyone in the same apauling manner, regardless of origine or belief.

KingCat  04/18/07 4:34 am
"Incidentally, you don't need to worry about me being confronted by Allah. I play strip poker with that guy every Tuesday."


Robert R  04/18/07 4:55 am
lol, I like the way you insult these idiots on the internet. I've been reading them all for the past 3 months for entertainment. "If you don't like the shirt, don't buy em" Thats my opinion. I'm gonna make an order one of these days, I like all your shirts.

leanne  04/18/07 5:41 am
i love the way they've said "i am sending this anonymous email".. how can email be anonymous??? ok, so you've put ** over part of their email address, but the beginning bit sure looks like the start of a name!! muppets.

p.s. i like licking windows

andrew  04/18/07 7:53 am
can we shut the fuck up about allah. im fine with people having beliefs and religions, but keep that shit to yourself. stop going around talking like your religion is the only religion is supreme. im not going to go before allah when i die. fuck that shit

Koneko  04/18/07 9:50 am
Crap. We have to worry about the health of our souls now?? I guess this means I'm gonna hafta go find mine. I havent' seen it around in years.

go suck your momma's cock  04/18/07 10:06 am
can we say "retarded foreigner"?? haha! I wonder if this cumquat has written to the producers of carlos mencia too?

John  04/18/07 10:22 am
Fuck Allah, Jesus, El (god) YHVH, Kim Jong-Il and everyone else. I am contacting Al Sharpton on my super secret *blow shit out of proportion line* to complain about this site and with hours, you will be crushed by his power to turn nothing into something.

charles  04/18/07 10:23 am
Do you get bonus points in this game if you discover a foreigner that is also a retard and the other way around?

Nappy-Headed Ho  04/18/07 11:40 am
well, must be clearly a foreigner, else he would have known that you are not KIND sirs.

And that's right- let's all remove our shirts for the health of their souls! (only attractive and hot people please- fat ones are a threat to our souls)

Allah  04/18/07 12:18 pm
2 inches is NOT small in Iraq !


dracklema  04/18/07 2:57 pm
wow he took time out of his day fo us. should we all go praise his lord? i mean to be honest i dont give a shit what he thinks cause for me i wont be facing allah at any point in time and dont give a shit what he has to say for em laughing at some of these shirts. i mean come on poeple if u dont like the shirts then dont read them and dont come to the site it is a simple as that. duh! a third grader could figure that out and i didnt have to consult allah on it either.

mypeepeeburns  04/18/07 3:23 pm
I am praying to Allah right now for that mutherfucker to be a former breathing engineering student at virginia tech......(please, please, please!!)

Mikey Mike  04/18/07 5:07 pm
Dear T-Shirt Hell: Dirka dirka dirka, dirka dirka. Dirka dirka durk duka jihad dirka dirk dirk.

Outlaw Torn  04/18/07 7:05 pm
watch as that turd monger dies and finds allah wearing something from t-shirt hell

Efarstan  04/18/07 9:40 pm
LOL...good one

OJ Simpson  04/18/07 10:39 pm
This reminds me of the games "Gay or Eurotrash" and "Lesbian or German Lady" from the old online mag Blair Magazine.

kirby  04/18/07 11:19 pm
what the fuck are troglodytes. know your audience shit bags!

George Bush  04/19/07 1:15 am
I guess I missed one of those Arabs

Dracolusus  04/19/07 2:22 am
LOL, you fucking Americans are funnier than the tees and the site put together. You are all actually just fucking pathetic. It seems school doesn't mean shit in yoru county, since you are all still uneducated and ignorant beyond belief. Oh, Love the replies to the mails tho and every shirt that is horribly offensive. Great work, this site rocks. Excepted for the yanks that comment and have the IQ of the smelly gunk in the folds of my ball sack.

Bum-and-a-half  04/19/07 2:58 am
Are you insulting us good citizens who lick windows for a living? Shame on you!

Bum-and-a-half  04/19/07 3:02 am
Hi, it's me again. I know this has nothing to do with the subject, but does anyone who reads this know how to suck shit through a straw? seriously, i need expert advice.

meadow whore  04/19/07 8:42 am
Yes I know. But I won't tell you. It's going to make me rich one day.

Peter Morgan  04/19/07 9:01 am
Talking about foriegners, did you here that the Virginia Tech's basketball team, "The Hokies", has turned to Asian talent to try and improve their shooting record.......

Mr J B  04/19/07 9:10 am
I think it's funny when people write in thinking that this site is against them in particular, as far as I can tell, you can be white, black, asian and you get ripped on just as hard. I just don't understand why so many people have double standards, reminds me of Chef on southpark "You can rip it outta other regligions thats cool, but insult anything to do with me and its not funny". You can either take a joke or not, and if u cant why waste your time writing to Tshirt hell?! Quality newsletter as usual guys, always lights up my days. Although some of the insults you dish out are getting a bit samey!

Titus Of Doom  04/19/07 9:52 am
I find it amazing when people say "I love your shirts...except this one". If you're going to have a sense of humor about religion and race, be consistent for Christ's sake. And what's this shit about Allah?
since when do Americans (or us Canadians) praise Allah?! When will retard foreigners learn?

Glider  04/19/07 10:54 am
Once again, a fuckhead types an "anonymous" email with a return email address. That is so fucking stupid it bears repeating. ( Oh, by the way: This guy is the jackpot in that he is a retarded foreigner)

KmQ13  04/19/07 5:17 pm
Wow. i hate that whole implying or forcing a religion on someone. if your so religious you should know your god will except what ever faith i have. fuck dude. alah probably hates that man.

John  04/19/07 6:25 pm
There's no way this is a serious e-mail. It's way too littered with flame bait.

Greg Hormone  04/19/07 11:21 pm
Allah IS a tiny cock! I play strip poker with him too and he is a pathetic frustrated little sand monkey with too much hair! He also has a small tatoo that reads: "Piss on me please"

Fuzzy  04/20/07 9:49 am
the only confronting of Alla I'll be doing is when he's sucking my which case he won't be able to see the offensive t-shirt I'm proudly wearing.

James Bates  04/20/07 12:57 pm
Funny Funny Funny!!!!!!!

Daniel_Tiger  04/20/07 1:26 pm
hahahahahahaha!! MY GOD THAT WAS FUXIN FUNNY!!! Allah has a tiny cock! HAHAHAHAHA!! THANK YOU!!!

Hmm. . . interesting  04/20/07 2:40 pm
"I am taking this time out of my day to helps imrove your company!" Hmmm, helps imrove? Well let me tell you something good sir . . . . If you ever want to get anywhere in the buisness world or wnat to offer some advice, grow a fucking brain . . . and a sense of humor wouldn't hurt either.

Kimera  04/22/07 1:30 am
Quote: LOL, you fucking Americans are funnier than the tees and the site put together. You are all actually just fucking pathetic. It seems school doesn't mean shit in yoru county, since you are all still uneducated and ignorant beyond belief. Oh, Love the replies to the mails tho and every shirt that is horribly offensive. Great work, this site rocks. Excepted for the yanks that comment and have the IQ of the smelly gunk in the folds of my ball sack.
Sounds like a personal problem mate... worry less about whats on the computer screen and more about personal hygene.

Chesty Juggs  04/28/07 6:38 am
The thing that always strikes me as odd is that according to muslim law, they aren't supposed to use the word "Allah". So perhaps they are about to get stoned.... I know I am.

Allah  05/02/07 1:21 am
Dirkah dirkah mohamed jihad! Why for you pick on me all times? Just like booger with sand. What bout thet bastard face PROFFIT MOHAMID hoo don like even piktcher of himsalf drawed in papers??!! Fucking yourself too yoo black maggot riden kum katcher, i will win next tuesday and why for you say my camel hook is 2 inch? it still made you gag last time yoo praised Allah to pay for your Dime bag in my cadillac yes? See U Next Tuesday C U N T!

Trogdor  05/16/07 12:00 pm
lol @ Americans... btw kirby, if you DON'T know what a Troglodyte is, then you fucking ARE ONE. FFS, if you speak the language, at least learn to use it, or, so you can understand my insult. "Know your audience..." that's a good one, considering the fact that the editor's notes condemn bad spelling and grammar usage, get a fucking clue, or go read Grover's blog on


-----Original Message-----

From: James C.

Sent: Friday, April 06, 2007

Subject: a certain shirt

Maybe this doesn't concern you, but you lost a customer today. I was apalled to see the 'I'm just in it for the parking' shirt. It's not that I don't have a sense of humor. I think a lot of your shirts are funny. There were a couple I had considered buying, but I won't be doing business with your company if that product remains available.

To be fair, I don't think you are going to make any money off of this shirt. So please remove that shirt. Not only will you be helping your business, you'll also be doing the decent thing.

Editor's Note: There's no maybe about it. Losing you as a customer does not concern us.

Health care is for pussies.Your threat puts us in a bit of an awkward position. You say that you won't be doing business with us if that shirt remains available, so we have a decision to make. Do we appease you and sell you a couple of shirts? Or do we keep the shirt up and sell a few hundred of that specific shirt? A couple...or a few hundred...Goddamn it! I don't know what to do! I wish I wasn't so incredibly stupid!

Isn't it funny how often doing the decent thing is the same as doing the boring, pointless thing? Where would we be if Malcolm X had done the "decent" thing? I'll tell you where we'd be. We'd be talking about how Malcolm X urged black people not to want equal rights. Is that the kind of world you want to live in? I mean, I know I do, but that's one of the reasons I'm shunned by my fellow African-Americans.

Comments (44) - View Comments - Add A Comment

andie  04/17/07 3:10 pm
Here's a joke for that sour puss. What's better than winning gold at the Special Olympics???

andie  04/17/07 3:12 pm
Not being retarded!

Brian  04/17/07 4:30 pm
Fuck that loser, I loved that shirt, I bought it for a handicapped girl my sister knows for xmas, fucking wacky bitch loved it!! -- Tshirthell rules... don't know why people bother sending retarded emails.. if I were you guys I'd add another 'tard shirt for the fuck, he musta missed the "save gas ride the handicapped"= fuckin jackass..

Angelica  04/17/07 5:57 pm
Why is it that people are selectively offended? So the jokes about black people, fat people, and muslims are funny ( I personally find them hilarious), but you start talking about the retards (also-very funny) and all of a sudden you are offended? Most people who love these shirts, like myself, are assholes who love to get a reaction (admittedly, mostly from douches like yourself). That being said, pick a fuckin side man, eaither laugh at it all and realize that the only way to get through this world is with a fucking sense of humor, or continue to be..whats the word I'm looking for...retarded. I hope I have made your list of things that offend you today, if not, maybe tomarrow then. I can only hope.

Austin  04/17/07 6:38 pm
If Malcolm X had done that, he would be a hero to all Americans and not just black people.

Pie  04/17/07 8:48 pm
Hey, I love reading your newsletters and the retarded shit that the smallminded people of the world write back. My husband got me interested in ya'lls tee's and stuff 2 years ago... now it (and all the viagra offers) are the reason I even check my email. thanks for putting a smile on my face at least... everyone elsa can go to hell and pretend they've never though about what you have the balls to say.

Cary  04/17/07 10:07 pm
I always wondered what happened to all the "tards" I made fun of when I was growing up. I now know Oprah taught them to write and they are all sending letters to you. Maybe we should kill Oprah and her dickless hubby.

Mike  04/17/07 10:57 pm
Hey, I have a limp...and do I need the disabled parking placard?...No, but what the hell...My first purchase from T shirt hell will be this shit. Thanks for bringing it to my attention :)

Master Shake  04/18/07 1:03 am
Your fucking kidding right? This person is worried about that one shirt but excepts all the rest. Idiot.

Stacy  04/18/07 1:16 am
One of my best friends is handicapped and he has that shirt! He is waiting to get his tax refund in to get Save Gas Ride the Handicapped. And YES, he is in a wheelchair.

robin bates  04/18/07 8:51 am
She/he said that she/he wont be doing business with you anymore. but i also read, i seen a couple of shirts i have considered buying. Does that mean that this person hasnt boughten anything yet. If so why would you care about about losing them as a customer? That would be like losing me as a customer, ive never bought a damn thing form here. I may soon, but im kinda cheap.

Koneko  04/18/07 9:52 am
Parking spots are the reason I got pregnant. I just wanted to be able to park in that spot at the very front that's reserved for expectant mothers. I wonder how long I can park there with just a pillow stuffed up my shirt until someone notices I'm not pregnant anymore.

Koneko  04/18/07 9:56 am
Parking spots are why I got pregnant. I just wanted to be able to use that nice spot right up front reserved for pregnant mothers. I wonder how long I can stick a pillow up my shirt and pretend before anybody notices.

Krow  04/18/07 12:22 pm
OOOO, I gotta have one now ! Are they still available, or did you give in like the pussy you are ? I'm too lazy to look it up so please email me and let me know.

GarySLO  04/18/07 12:33 pm
As a wheelchair user I had to have that shirt and have purchased a couple of them for my 'crip' ( see I get to say it cause I am one) friends.

p.i. staker  04/18/07 1:23 pm
Not going to make money off it? WTF? I bought one of those shirts for both me and my mildly retarded brother. I use his handicapped sticker to get all those good parking spots up front away from all you fucks that bang the doors into other cars

NyJolie  04/18/07 2:49 pm
If he thought the handicapped shirt was crossing the line, I wonder what shirts he thinks are funny?

Harold Dumbass  04/18/07 7:10 pm
I can see where some folks might find the "parking" shirt offensive. I sent a link to the image to a guy I know that's been in a wheel chair for years - he thought it was funny and said he might order one.

Jawn  04/18/07 8:08 pm
I happen to know that several cripples in my city think that it's a fucking hillarious shirt. I know this 'cuz I've seen them fucking wear it. I damn near bust a gut laughing.

Andrew  04/18/07 10:16 pm
I'm going to buy this shirt now, only because he's not going to.

DEE DEE DEE  04/18/07 11:19 pm
I bought the "I'M NOT GETTING JIGGY, I HAVE PARKINSONS" shirt for my mother-in-law (who has Parkinsons and is also in a wheel-chair)....and she fucking rocks that shirt at the mall.....70 year old woman with a sense of humor....I fucking love that bitch!!

Sarah  04/18/07 11:35 pm
You know what's funny? I saw a guy in a wheelchair wearing that shirt in the bar one night. If he can have a sense of humor about his situation and not let it ruin his life, why the hell can't other people. Guess what, there is no amendment or law that says you have the right to not be offended. If it bothers you that much, don't look at it!!!

Jay  04/19/07 12:42 am
I find it amazing (and by "amazing" I mean "retarded") that there are so many of these "I wuz gunna buy wun o' yer shirts until I saw the shirt that said..." e-mails. What part of freedom of speech and expression is unclear?
Oh, I get it. People only get freedom of speech and expression as long as YOU'RE not offended. I mean, it's okay to laugh at retards, emo kids, Bush, and Jesus, but heaven forbid you should say something about cripples, dead babies or Mohamed. Why, if t-shirts like those were made by a company, we need to shut those monsters down! As a customer of T-Shirt Hell dot mother-fucking-com, allow me to extend my heartfelt gratitude that you hypocritical pieces of donkey nut will take your business elsewhere, thereby insuring me that you will not be wearing the same shirt that I'm wearing. There are shirts here that I wouldn't wear. There are some shirts here that I disagree with politically and guess what? I don't buy 'em. I buy something else. Why don't you exercise your rights as a customer to do the same. And while you're exercising your rights to go somewhere else, could you do so quietly and try not to look like an asshole?

D  04/19/07 2:15 am
"Maybe this doesn't concern you, but you lost a customer today. I was apalled to see the 'I'm just in it for the parking' shirt."

How can you loose a customer when they don't like the product and have no intention to purchase it in the first place? it's like an alcoholic walking into McDonalds and leaving because they don't serve a brown bag full of Vodka, then writing to bitch about it.

fool? maybe...  04/19/07 3:06 am
What a faaaaaaaaaaaaag

Shu-WAAAA?  04/19/07 3:10 am
I'm not sure if some of these people are seriously complaining or if they're just doing it for a funny response. Whatever the reason, it's always the same type of statement; "i generaly like your shirts bla bla bla, but this specific one is too much bla bla bla, would it be alright if you discard three thousand worth of those shirts to make me happy? bla bla bla..." FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!

john  04/19/07 5:44 am
On the contrary i got this logo on a sweater for my dad as a christmas present last year. the joke was that he was actually registered disabled and fun was had by all. Unfortunately he died a week after christmas and, while this was a great personal tragedy, t-shirt hell can't even say our t-shirts are so good they kill the sick and infirm. Pity.
The moral of the story is that taking offence is optional. If you choose to be offended by a remark then you're prooving the remark to be true. Well, that's the excuse i always give and the judge always buys it.

Big Red  04/19/07 6:40 am
I saw a picture of a disabled person wearing an "I'm only in it for the parking" shirt in Whores. And im sure shitloads of others are going to buy it.

Chris Miles  04/19/07 8:15 am
Just concerning the whole 'I don't think you are going to make any money off of this shirt' part, I know of two disabled who have purchased this shirt and wear it regularly! It is only offensive if you think of it in a derogatory sense, so stop being a sick minded fuck!

Emily  04/19/07 9:11 am
actually I bought this shirt for my stepdad who has Multiple Sclerosis, and he has a great sense of humor, loves it, and wore it to a support group once. too bad not everyone is as lighthearted

Emily's Father  04/19/07 9:18 am
SHUT UP EMILY! You skanky whore-bitch!

kris  04/19/07 10:17 am
I bought that shirt, so suckit bitch

Daughter of a Handicapped Man  04/19/07 10:23 am
I bought my father that shirt!! He loves it!!! And he's blind!!

Los  04/19/07 12:05 pm
Fuckin' uninformed, ignorant prick like that person frustrate me at time. Handicapped people have a sense of humor. My buddy's in a wheelchair and he bought both the parking shirt and the "Save Gas, Ride the Handicapped". Then he had people jump on back of his chair so we can take the same pic as the shirt. LOL He thinks it's the funniest shit. TSH doesn't need that loser for a customer. Besides, I can buy shirts to make up for the ones he as going to supposedly buy. [GRIN]

Jay Updegrove  04/19/07 1:32 pm
I wonder why most foreigners think everyone who runs a company is a sir? "Hello there kind sirs" just screams foreigner...guess that kind of ruins the game huh...


Jay Updegrove  04/19/07 1:35 pm
I wonder if there's a form letter somewhere out there, that you can just fill in some info, like your name, and the company your complaining to, and automaticly send them a letter full of stupid! they all sound the same, "please take down _____ shirt cause it offends me signed _____ " or something like that


Brix  04/19/07 1:35 pm
Its funny how people who claim to have a sense of humor only find things funny until its something they're sensitive about. The crippled nazi laughing at all the black t-shirts, and god t-shirts, but once something hits home its not funny no more. I think all the shirts are FUCKING HILLARIOUS. They are even funnier WHEN THEY HIT HOME. IF you can't make fun of yourself you dont have a sense of humor.

Hudson  04/19/07 5:43 pm
Angelica and several others made the point already, so just throw my sentiments on top...

Sam  04/19/07 10:35 pm
I think this shirt is so funny because I do know this bitch that's just in it for the parking. She got a tag years ago when she had ankle surgery, and never gave the tag back. I mock her incessently, and if I ever won a T-Shirt Hell contest (I'm too cheap to actually pay money for this), I'd pick that shirt and send it to her to passive-aggressively make her feel really, really bad.

jen  04/20/07 2:39 pm
i was in a wheel chair for some time ... i own this shirt and people laugh every time they see me in it .. it brings happiness to others . if you don't like it don't look at it .. and if your not in a chair have a handicap then shut the fuck up your not helping us by makeing us feel sorry for ourselfs .. come here so i can break your legs so you can see why the shirt is so damn funny

Well, alot of morons pray to me  04/20/07 3:42 pm
I know my two cents don't make a fuck, but it's my right as a...fuck it, let's just get raw. Personally, anyone who gets offended by just about anything, should be tied to a table, and beat to death with my hard dick(he strap on I use on my dog, because the bitch has two holes). This is a glorious company, while I personally know shit about whoever runs it besides the bullshit they spill on these "things" and the fact they're brillaint, people still feel the urge to try to shut it down and blah blah blah GO FUCK YOURSELVES. Back in the day...yea, I said back in the day.. when the "Worse than Hell" section was taking down, I almost got pissed enough to kill you myself for being such a pussy. Good thing you put it back up, I had a team of ninjas waiting to run a train on you in a back alley, the next one you walked past. Yes, that's right, I had a team of ninjas in almost every alley in this damned country. And by the way... You may thank my cunt of a mother for the invention you speak of that hadn't yet been created to your knowledge..I pride myself of giving orgasms while killing babies(Bet you didn't know babies could have orgasms, or maybe those screams aren't orgasms.....anyways I always give 'em a good load)

cav  04/20/07 5:24 pm
i bought this shirt for a friend of mine that has been in a wheelchair for ten years...he loves it.

Jessica  04/20/07 7:09 pm
hahaha, WHERE do you get these pictures from??? ha!

Tiffany  04/20/07 7:46 pm
If I was handicapped I would totally buy that tshirt! It's frikkin hilarious!


The Fat Lady Has Sung - Now She's Crying and Eating a Turkey Leg

Necessity is the mother of invention.
And yet I have still not seen a baby-killing/orgasm machine.


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