04/23/04

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BUY NEW SHIRTS, OR EAT GLASS
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We have brought you the finest, hand crafted, funny t-shirts. Accept no
cheap substitutes where the jokes were outsourced to India and all involve
curry.

All of our new shirts are here:
http://www.tshirthell.com/newshirt305.htm

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SUPPORT FREE SPEECH, OR SHUT UP.
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The T-Shirt Hell hit squad went on a road trip last week. We loaded up the
truck and drove from Los Angeles to New York City to lend our support to
Howard Stern. When we showed up at the station, unannounced, carrying giant
black duffel bags, I think that building security was a bit overwhelmed.
Perhaps, it was our decision to dress like a SWAT assault team that caused
them to open fire. I took 2 in the chest before we could explain what we
were up to.

Ronnie the Limo Driver came down to meet with us. We explained that we had
come all of the way from California to give away 1,000 free t-shirts to show
our support for Howard and for free speech. He grunted and shuffled away
with a small bag of t-shirts tucked under his arm. We have no idea if he
told Howard anything. For all I know he used them to build a nest in the
hallway.

Undaunted, we handed out 1,000 free "Save Stern - Censorship is Obscene"
t-shirts in front of the studio to an amazing, outpouring of support.
Obviously, the shivering homeless people appreciated the free t-shirts; as
did the crack whores looking to wipe the sticky, gobs of cum off of their
chins. But we had cabbies pull over, sanitation trucks pull over, fully
loaded public buses pull over so the driver and their passengers could get
their hands on these shirts.

Sure, there was the occasional asshole that stopped by with a sneer and a
snide remark, but they were quickly torn limb from limb by the angry mob.
They did a nice story about the event on the local Fox news. They even let
Uncle Gary give an interview.

I'm a big Howard Stern fan and have listened for years. But that's not the
point. If they succeed in removing Howard Stern from the airwaves, how long
before they target edgy websites? If we don't take a stand for Howard Stern
now, there won't be anyone left to take a stand for us when our heads are on
the chopping block.

To do our part to promote free speech we are going to continue to offer the,
"Save Stern" shirt on our website, at the ridiculously low price of $5. We
are not going to make a dime off of it.

Our goal is that tens of thousands of our loyal fans and Stern supporters
will wear these shirts everywhere so that the general public and the FCC
will get the message that no matter what your taste, freedom of speech
reigns supreme.

So Howard, bring on the retards and the lesbians...we've got your back. God
Bless America...and hot lesbians.

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YOU HATE US? WE HATE YOU MORE.
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----- Original Message -----
From: Pat
Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2004 11:05 AM
Subject: the use of the GirlScout Logo

I am appalled that you would stoop so low as to use the GirlScout logo in a
butchered state to sale your t-shirts. I am a fairly liberal person, but
this degradation of women and girls is abominable.

Pat
GS Troop ***

(Editor's Note: You're so right. This shirt is so degrading to women.
Now, sticking your 10 year old outside of a grocery store, to peddle
overpriced cookies for 8 hours a day, that's not degrading. I find this
practice one step above pimping your daughter like they do in Thailand. And
I'd much rather have some sucky sucky for $5, than a box of Do-si-dos.
Although those Thin Mints are pretty damn good. )

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----- Original Message -----
From: Gloria
Sent: Saturday, April 17, 2004 2:37 AM
Subject: bring our what home?

Hi Boys,

My boyfriend likes your shirts and I think a lot of your stuff is pretty
funny. Now, I know you like making fun of dumbass people who write in to
complain about your stuff, so please don't make fun of my question.
I'm serious.

So, that shirt with the soldier standing behind the camel... what's up with
that? I don't get it. "Bring our camel fucking troops home?" What's that
all about?

Gloria

(Editor's Note: We don't like to make fun of the idiots who write in with
stupid questions. Can't they find a more productive way to use their time,
like drinking Drano? Why can't Gloria be in Iraq ? She could do something
useful like dance in the minefields, or draw enemy fire, or be a suicide
bomb tester. How annoying would it be to date her? You would have to
explain all kinds of complicated things, all of the time. Like how to flip
the light switch, or how to turn a doorknob, how to suck a cock. Maybe she
says, "boyfriend", but she means, "home mental health care worker". I hope
she's good in bed, but to put up with her idiocy she better have the Gold
from the Whore Olympics.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: ***elm
Sent: Wednesday, April 14, 2004 1:11 AM
Subject: pictures on your site

I can't believe that you have picture of naked women on your site but you do
not have any kind of adults only warning on your site. You should make
your site available only to people 18 and older so that children can't go to
it.

(Editor's Note: Do you know how you keep your kids off of our site? Watch
your fucking kids. I don't want to fill in every swimming pool and blunt
every steak knife just because you don't want to be a responsible parent. Or
buy some of that web filtering software if you're too fucking lazy. Besides,
the human body is beautiful, although I admit there are a couple
pigs in the Second Rate Whore section: http://www.tshirthell.com/whores.htm)

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And in these troubled times our thoughts are with all of our friends and
family in the Pornography industry. Keep your spirits up. You'll be back
doing double anal scenes before you know it.

Get a load of my peace, bitch.