I hope you don't mind if I wrap this up quickly. I have a date with someone I met on Craigslist. He asked me to bring piano wire, a tarp and a shovel. He sounds kinky. Hopefully this date will be a cute story we tell our grandkids one day.

Texas recently stated its unhappiness with the U.S. government and threatened secession. This is really bad news. It means from now on we might have to import spousal abuse and obesity.

President Obama is leaving the door open to the prosecution of Bush officials who devised harsh interrogation tactics. You know, because accountability is important. Almost as important as wasting a lot of taxpayer money in the middle of a supposed recession to conduct a trial that will accomplish nothing. Hooray for change!

Speaking of Obama, his family recently welcomed Bo, their new dog, to the White House. There was a cute incident when Bo tried to hump Obama's leg but ended up sodomizing Nancy Pelosi. Just adorable.

The FBI put an animal rights activist on the "Most Wanted Terrorists" list for the first time last week. Although the man in question hasn't killed anyone, he has caused immeasurable damage by bombing two corporate offices in California. Also, he totally lays a guilt trip on his roommate when all he wants to do is eat some fucking bacon in peace. Not cool, man. Not cool.

A new Miss America was crowned last week. I don't know what state she came from, but if you want to find out you can talk to her at the upcoming Jacksonville boat show. She will begin her duties next week. Until Miss Mexico offers to do her job for half pay and only a quarter lifetime's supply of Loreal products.

Speaking of the pageant, Miss California stirred up some controversy when she said she opposes gay marriage. However, she has no problem with the lesbian porn she'll be doing in 3 months. Oh, who am I kidding... She just guaranteed herself a job as the next set of tits that noise comes out of on FOX News.

long division


picture 1This week we have a guest writer that we found curled up in the dumpster behind our building.

Hey there, you pathetic residence-slaves. It's your ol' buddy, Stinky Jasper. The black lady who usually writes this (and who I let pee on me in exchange for expired condiments) asked me if I would handle her duties this week. After taking a quick glance at my appointment book (mostly indecipherable lipstick smears on a dead dog), I decided I had nothing better to do and kindly obliged.

She said I could write about anything I wanted. A deal she quickly reneged on when I handed in a story about the dancing dragon with the head of Michael Landon that the government put in my brain. So, I decided to write about a recurring theme I've been noticing in the news. It seems more and more people are coming around to my way of thinking, and I say it's about time. Between Texas threatening secession and the recent "tea parties" held across the nation, it is becoming clear that you "citizens" are tired of this sham known as a "functioning society."picture 1

I know what you're going through because I went through the same thing. It was about 20 years ago. One day I woke up, looked around my apartment and thought "Protection from the elements, soft bed, running water, electricity... Enough is enough." That's the day I decided to go off the grid. No more of your "rules" and "laws." No more caring whether or not a couple of rats just fucked on the bagel I'm about to eat. No more having a positive effect on anything, including my own life. Nope, none of that. From now on, it's just Jasper and a life free of responsibility. And happiness.

picture 1That's why I'm encouraged to see so many people voice their dissent for the government. You people have become uncomfortable with your own comfort and it's time you let the powers that be know that.

It's time to stand up and declare, "We've had enough! We don't need your regulation or oversight! We don't need power, water, places to get a job, hospitals, schools, homes, places to buy stuff, or any signs that mankind has progressed in the last few centuries! We will all live off the land and begin a life free of your control! Sure, we'll likely resort to cannibalism after there's no more food to loot, but still... You'll get the point! You know, that we don't need you."

picture 1Let these government fat cats and bureaucrats know they can't get away with picking your pockets. Not if all they're going to do with your money is give you and your family an opportunity for a decent life. That is YOUR money and you have every right to make sure it doesn't go toward public works, but rather to the construction of your isolated compound where you will live out the remainder of your life clutching your guns and making sure civilization keeps its distance. You don't need the thoughts and cooperation of outsiders infecting your paradise.

So Texas, go ahead and get this secession under way. You've been a member of the Union for nearly 170 years, and in that time what has the government ever done for you? I mean, beside the infrastructure, schools, and everything else ever? Who made you one of the most obese and polluted states in the country? You did that on your own, with zero help from Uncle Sam.

Everyone else can learn from the example set by Texas. Tell the government where they can stick it and join me in my utopia free of oppression and restraints. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go eat a half-eaten cheeseburger that's been soaking in Sprite right before I go to sleep in a big pile of old insulation. Ah, the sweet life.

Comments (27) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Lickalottapuss  04/27/09 4:50 pm
HAHA, black people are funny...

Lickalottapuss  04/27/09 7:39 pm
HAHA, disregard that I suck cocks.

hacksaw  04/27/09 10:04 pm
like anybody gives a flying fuck what you think

Lt. Commander Data  04/27/09 11:32 pm
I like your anarchist tone. We don't need government. We need freedom to screw up the world naturally, rather than according to laws. Viva utopia :)

Michael Z. Williamson  04/27/09 11:42 pm
Hah. That's actually my daughter with the pink M4, and she hates rednecks.

isaac e  04/28/09 1:09 am
fuck texas! i had to deal with them for years as part of my job (i'm from los angeles). i finally threatened to quit, and thereby got a different region to deal with instead of those fuckin braindead texans. eat my shit texas

Combaticus  04/28/09 4:53 am
Humor is supposed to have at least a kernel of truth in it. FAIL.

Ranxerox  04/28/09 12:29 pm
Ha ha. Have you ever been to Texas? They, unlike the rest or the country, are a prospering state. Businesses are flourishing, people are working. Jobs are NOT being sent overseas. Tax money, at least on the state level, is not going in some fat cat politician's pocket. Just because Dubya is from Texas does not mean he represents those people. If the rest of the country operated like Texas, we wouldn't be in this recession.

Jamie  04/28/09 1:40 pm
If the rest of the country operated like Texas? Are you suggesting that everyone should rape their daughters and damn gays and blacks to hell?  04/28/09 2:37 pm
This was the worst pro-government garbage ever seen on this web-site. The satire was anoying, and the writer clearly doesn't understand a fucking thing about free market economics or how government bureaucracies tend to eleminate competition and ruin institutions entirely (like education). We pay a higher tax rate than almost any country and we don't even have healthcare. We spend billions on war and billions on paying back the interest created by the federal reserve system. Take your sarcasm and shove it up your ass new guy.

Jessmaster  04/28/09 6:15 pm
For fuck's sake, Infowars, I basically agree with you, but when you talk about how the government screws up the educational system, at least spell "eliminate" correctly.

Douchey McDouche  04/28/09 7:20 pm
I say we take this one step further - have all of the states secede from the Union and have another civil war! Or maybe everyone else just declares war on Texas... hey that might just work. Well at least it would be good for a laugh and there'd be less Texans for the rest of the world to deal with. YEEHAW!!

Alex  04/28/09 9:41 pm
The private sector provides education, medical care, etc. at better quality and at a lower price than bloated government. Our decent lives are as a result of our own industry despite government interference in the free market. Think about that the next time those fart-knockers take half your damn paycheck.

P.S. Long live the Republic of Texas!

Anarchrist  04/28/09 9:48 pm
Probably the dumbest column ever written on this site. Who did you have write it some card-carrying Republican dickhead? I suppose we should all thank the great and almighty US Govt for providing us with a ridiculous unemployment rate, a shrinking middle class, millionaire politicians that represent the working man in no possible way, a failed banking system, a war on two fronts, and a enormous deficit. Yeah, everything's great....just keep quiet you useless fuckin sheep Uncle Sam knows best.

Death Magnetic  04/28/09 10:31 pm
Texas rules! Fuck the rest of the US. If the rest of the US was any better, why the hell are people moving to Texas in droves? We have lots of people moving to Texas because the cost of living is less than most places in this fucking nation.

But I digress. At least Texas is on its own fucking electric grid and hasn't experienced any state wide blackouts, like that shithole California, who elected the Terminator to run the state, and has, instead, run it into the ground, begging the Federal Government for money and other states for electricity! I don't see his stupid ass giving up any of his cash!

Douchey McDouche  04/28/09 11:31 pm
Have a fuckin look at yourselves Texans! All of this "At least Texas isn't (insert ridiulous argument here)..." bullshit just makes you sound like the rednecks you are. LMAO at Texas thinking they are better than ANYONE. Instead of blaming your inept government, why not blame the people who re-elected the government that ran the US into the ground (i.e. Republican states like Texas) or maybe even the culture of greed and materialism the US is built upon? Oh...but I forgot, Texas had nothing to do with that, did they? Fuck off Texas, nobody likes you anyway :P

spookyben  04/29/09 1:19 am
Texas has sent out more money to the Feds than it ever got in return. We also sent more soldiers to fight for the freedom of US citizens to pursue happiness - but in San Francisco that means the right to swill semen while protesting military recruiting centers - yee haw! The jokes on us.

ghostee  04/29/09 3:24 am
Farm the fuck out brother, sister, or whatever the fuck you are!!!! Right on!! ANARCHY RULES!!! Shoot em all, let the Greys sort the Tuckin Fexans out!!! I say: TUCK FEXAS!!! Sorry, cdiyxsel. Oh, if you hit up micky d's just after closing, you can get some really good garbage!! Been there, done that.

ghostee  04/29/09 3:30 am
You know why the wind blows from west to east in New Mexico? Because Texas SUCKS and Arizona BLOWS!!!! TUCK FEXAS!!!!

ghostee  04/29/09 3:30 am
Flush twice for Fexas, they need the water!!!

Barry  04/29/09 6:54 am
If that's satire, then it's time for me to stop writing it. What I saw was a liberal, pro-government piece of **** without a shred of humor. I would definitely recommend that they find another writer, or at least one who's not some potty-mouth, liberal moron with delusions of adequacy.

Marty McWalk  04/29/09 12:09 pm
I think article was just a way to make fun of people who talk about going "off the grid". Just because he (or she - whatever the fucking gender of the writer is) references the tea parties and Texas doesn't mean that's what it's about. That's just the backdrop for all these assholes who think it'd be great to have no one in charge. But as always happens with the internet, people single out one sentence or reference and attack it so they can stick to their already held views.

Marty McWalk  04/29/09 12:14 pm
And in case me saying that doesn't hold any water, just look at the comments. Some people think this has a liberal bias and others think it has a conservative bias. My impression of everyone on the internet. "[reading reading reading] Here's why that was wrong and what I already thought was right..."

suburb of cleveland steamer  04/29/09 1:32 pm
i agree - this isn't really about texas at all - its just the one thing that pissed a lot of people off so they got all angry and missed the point - like if in the middle of mlk's "i have a dream" speech he said "and i hate cheesecake" and everyone goes "hey, i love cheesecake you asshole" - people just hear what they want and respond as they would before they heard something

Bob Ross  04/29/09 2:04 pm
This reminds me of something on a recent Colbert Report where he talks about these people not even knowing what they're angry about. They're not in power anymore, and even though things are exactly the same, they have to concoct this world where everything is being taken from them so they just have to shout at something. If it wasn't Obama or the government it would be something else. "I HAVE ALL THIS ANGER!!! Grrr! FUCKING... SPANISH RICE!!!"

beenz  04/29/09 2:54 pm
Wow info wars pulled out all the stops. Did you quote Sicko dirrectly or indirrectly, I'm not sure? Yes our government sucks and yes it's a corporate shill, but it isn't out to get us. It would rather leech our money than kill us. The writer of the article has some valid points. An anarchist nation is just a nation between goverments. We need the government. There are other countries with public education that is better than ours. You are daluding yourself if you think fiscal and governmental conservitism is the answer. Plenty of socialist nations are full of happy citizens that are alread rebounding from the economy.

bugsike  04/30/09 7:13 pm
Hey Michael Z. Williamson - I'd like to cover your daughter in cheesecake!!!! Mmmmmmmmm!!!!!!
Then we'll go kill some rednecks or vagrants or texans or whatever.


-----Original Message-----

From: Sage

About a month ago a homeless person had broken into my apartment, and stolen all of my clothing and a guitar and amplifier. I spent Six Hundred Dollars on your site trying to create a new wardrobe. My question is... Dude, am I a total dumbass, or what?

9/11 was an inside job...

Editor's Note: I'm sorry to say you are a total dumbass. The minimum amount you need to spend to avoid that title is $1000. I believe that is the technical definition according to Webster's.

"total dumbass (n.) - person or Mexican who has not spent at least one thousand dollars at - See also: people who believe in God or buy anything with soy in it"

So, yeah, you're a dumbass. But buck up, you only have to spend $400 more to join the "Smartest Mother Fucker of All Time" club. There is one other way to join that club, but frankly, I doubt you can hold your breath long enough for us to perform what I call the "Backwards Birth."

Comments (6) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Kyle Tarrant  04/27/09 4:03 pm
He probably saw the "I stole this shirt from a homeless guy" shirt you had hanging in your closet.. figured you probably stole it from him.

Its your own fault my friend.

Lt. Commander Data  04/27/09 11:35 pm
Now, I haven't spent $1000 here yet, but I would like to in due time. Best thing would be for you all to put up more "Privates" shirts that I voted for, as you've only agreed with me once. Anyway, do I get an honorary Smart MoFo title, given that I'm trying to satisfy the $1000 rule? :)

Death Magnetic  04/28/09 10:33 pm
That's what you get, Sage, for letting exiled members of your family over for a baloney sandwich and a trip-down-memory-lane groping.

And yes, you're a total dumbass!!!

Cahlon  04/29/09 6:34 am
dude 600 bucks? where the fuck you get that? I work 2 damn jobs and can still only afford to pay bills. but hey I wont call you a dumbass atleast you chose good shirts rather then hit walmart on its 10 for $15 t shirt special. still 600.... damn give me a loan man or atleast on of your damn shirts.

mr drittnisse  05/06/09 6:58 am
cahlon: two jobs and you cant pay your bills? god damn i love you americans and your minimum wages!
i also love that i come from norway, and own a small company. $129,57 is my hour rate! unf!

Angus McShagnasty  05/09/09 10:05 am
$129.57/hr sounds alright until you realize the trade-off is that you have to live in Norway. Factor that in mr drittnisse, and you are grossly underpaid.

joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: GetALife

Worst humor I've ever seen. Only a teenager really can posses such crude sense of humor to buy a t-shirt from you.

Editor's Note: I congratulate you on having never seen anything by Martin Lawrence or Tyler Perry. Or Woody Allen. Geez, how did you dodge that bullet?

Anyway, I'll have you know you couldn't be more wrong about our fan base. According to our fan surveys, the average T-Shirt Hell customer is a 99-year-old white male whose religion is drinking and who likes to "rock out with his cock out." Also, they all like to do meth on Jupiter and kill dragons.

Wait a second... dragons don't exist anymore. DAMN YOU, RIGHTS TO PRIVACY!!!

Comments (11) - View Comments - Add A Comment

billbudd  04/27/09 5:38 pm
I decided to leave a comment since no one else has.

Billy Badass  04/27/09 6:50 pm
I am going to go ahead and make the second comment

Spanky  04/27/09 6:59 pm
Third yo.

Lt. Commander Data  04/27/09 11:38 pm
Quartus, Latin for fourth. Quater, Latin for four times (that a comment has been posted here). Quattuor, four (comments). If people have nothing else to do but state how much they hate someone else's sense of humor, why don't they nominate themselves for a Darwin and jump off a bridge...

JizZnmaneranian  04/28/09 12:51 am
Since I can only count to too, I decided to leave the umpteenth comment. My comment speaks to those that can't count... please do a whackjack on my sillysmurftentor. Ya'll know, don't even try it.

Mayor Adam West  04/28/09 10:19 am
This comment has ben made to get all the "A"s out of my body:


Damn it! An "H!" To the Taffymobile!

Spyke Addams  04/28/09 2:50 pm
stfu lt. commander dipshit.

i wonder if the person that sent this realizes how many fucking teenagers there are

Death Magnetic  04/28/09 10:35 pm
GetALife should get a fucking life.

Wild Bill Badder BadAss  04/29/09 10:32 am
After reading all these comments I forgot what I was gonna comment on so fuck it!

X.x  04/29/09 2:55 pm
Douche bags

she who must be obeyed  04/29/09 5:11 pm
I am 28, a professional FEMALE artist, and I LOVE TO BUY SHIT FROM THIS SITE!!

division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Max

Hey, I've been a fan of your site since round about 2000. We used to send the New Shirts around the office. I laughed my gay ass off then - and have pretty much always done. Until tonight.

Maybe I'm getting older and losing my sense of humor but the "It's not gay if you beat them up afterwards" isn't just a politically incorrect slur - it's a call to violence. I find that abhorrent.

And here's a quick courage check: substitute the word gay for black and see if you have the balls to post the same tee-shirt. I didn't think so. Good luck with your site. You crossed the line with this former fan.


Editor's Note: Okay, so... "It's not black if you beat them up afterward"? I guess we'll go ahead and post the shirt. I'm pretty sure we'll all get our asses kicked by black people though. Not because they'll be offended, but because they'll be fucking confused. Anyway, I don't think you're giving black people enough credit. Just like credit companies. Mutha fuckin' ZING, yo!

But the reason we insult the gays more than the blacks is because black people could easily kick our asses. But what are the gay folk gonna do, spit sperm at us? Seriously, I'd sooner make fun of gay people than I would blind midget amputees. Unless you throw a bag of your AIDSy blood at me, I just don't feel that threatened by you.

And FYI, you're not losing your sense of humor because you're getting older. You're losing your sense of humor because you're a tool. People like you use this supposed "maturation" to explain the fact that you're boring and no fun to be around, but you need to admit the truth to yourself: you're not mature, you're just a fucking loser.

There are no act-your-age police standing around waiting for you to turn 26. You're just a bunch of assholes who have realized you can't make anyone laugh so you do your best to make yourself more "adult" than them. Well congratulations, Captain Big Boy Pants, you have successfully made everyone want to avoid you.

Point being, getting older has nothing to do with your ability to take a joke. I mean, my grandpa is 87 and he still laughs every time I rip open his colostomy bag and pour it on him. At least I think he laughs. It's so hard to tell since he's been in that coma.

Comments (26) - View Comments - Add A Comment

HarryBastard  04/27/09 1:49 pm
Max, how about "You're not stupid anymore if I beat you to death." Then you'll stop saying stupid shit, and of course, stop being stupid cause you'll be dead. You'll even know more than me, cause you'll know what it's like to be dead. Don't bother to come back and tell me about it though. Stay dead.

billbudd  04/27/09 2:26 pm
I always thought this shirt poked fun at homophobes rather than gays.

G.W.  04/27/09 4:18 pm
I agree billbud, to me the shirt always made fun of dudes who are massively homophobic but are actually secretly gay. The kind of dude who'll blow a gay guy, then threaten to kick his ass if tells anyone because "I'm not a fag, man."

Lt. Commander Data  04/27/09 11:46 pm
" 'It's not gay if you beat them up afterwards' isn't just a politically incorrect slur - it's a call to violence."
No it is not. A call to violence would be, "Go beat up gays." "Go gay-bashing." "Go do the pogrom thing on gays." THAT'S incitement. A comment on what something is or isn't is just pretty damn funny. And GW- yes, this shirt, like most on here, sends a reverse message... how dumbass you are to actually believe what's said on there. I have "What about all the good things Hitler did?" shirt. I don't give a shit that he commissioned the Autobahn and the Volkswagen. He had 11 million murdered. The shirt pokes fun at him, not Jews... so quit getting your ballgags in a knot, gayboys...

Iman Azol  04/27/09 11:46 pm
G.W>, you speak from experience?

Faggolicious  04/28/09 1:03 am
OK, now I've seen it all, a FAG getting sensitive. Please don't laugh your gay ass off anymore near this site, I'm pretty offended that your kind even has tha gall to visit this site. I am not homophermonobic, nor am I hemostaticerotic. But seriously isn't there a rainbow flag you should be hoisting somewhere in San Francisco? Get your falabian friends, put on some leather chaps (nothing else) and go slide down some pine trees. Take pics and send to this site for future t-shirt ideas.

randeaux  04/28/09 11:22 am
These letters are all the same, I liked you until you offended me.....So you can make fun of others, but not yourself. That's maturity!

Quirky  04/28/09 2:33 pm
What if we change the shirt a bit, How does this sound? "It's not gay if you don't look down"

iloveballsnmymouth  04/28/09 6:27 pm
Your old.Your lame.and you have no sense of humor.why dont u just do us all a favor and cut ur dick off shove it up your ass and bleed to death..u pathetic piece of dogg shitt...

peace love and lots of cock to all!!

Capt. big boy pants  04/28/09 9:07 pm
I would think that it IS black if you beat them up afterward

Tiny Tim  04/28/09 9:11 pm
Yeah! lets just repost what the writer said! I love doing that! or we can try and prove to everyone on the internet (via t-shirt hell newsletters) how amazingly smart we are because we've gained superior knowledge thru watching star trek all the time... I love it when we can be original fag haters and smart asses all at the same time

TraJiK  04/28/09 9:54 pm
I hope no one took this letter seriously... I think it's safe to say this queer is obviously a member of the KKK, and figured the easiest way go get himself a new Klan support shirt was to get tshirthell to edit one of their existing designs. Perfect example of a gay racist, or GAYCIST as I like to call em, too lazy to come up with an original idea, and dumb enough to write a letter complaining about it. Then expecting a legit response back. Ding! Tool of the month right here...

Death Magnetic  04/28/09 10:41 pm
Max is retarded. And gay!! And everyone knows that blacks are afraid of EVERYTHING, most especially dogs!! STFU, Max!

RICK  04/29/09 12:27 am

tyrone mixon  04/29/09 1:10 am

Limp_wristed_nancy_boy!  04/29/09 1:17 am
I love this shirt, made me laugh so hard i made cum bubbles!

ukdude  04/29/09 1:44 am
i've always thought that insulting t-shirts are funny, except when they upset someone..................................THEN THEY ARE FUCKING HILARIOUS !!

ball busterz  04/29/09 3:56 am
I laugh. All of the time.

It's healthy and it makes me feel good.

Some of these shirts make me laugh, some of them make me smile, some have me scratching my other head wondering "what the fuck is so funny about that??" but mostly I laugh my fucking bag right off.

You should try it. Even tonight.

Go smoke some cock, come back, read it again, and if it doesn't make you laugh, then beat your head against the wall two times, then try again.

If that doesn't work, repeat.

Until you laugh your fucking sack of you crazy whiney motherfucker.

The only thing that I don't laugh about is this crazy CAPTCHA shit. WTF does that say??? Jesus Gay Ass Christ.

1gunnyman  04/29/09 9:42 am
I think this letter is just this homo's way of requesting you take the shirt off of the last call list,and has psompted me to buy it.thanks MAXimum homo. don't look now but your gerbil is getting away.

Your Mother's Boyfriend  04/29/09 9:42 am
Hmmm... Perhaps TSH should come up with a whole new line of shirts... how about:
"It's not gay if you don't cuddle afterwards," "It's not gay if you're on Sativa," or "It's not black if you beat them up afterwards... without using a whole gang of your friends to do so?" Maybe "It's not gay if you pitch instead of catch," or "It's not gay if you're black?"
I'm just brainstorming here, but I do have one serious point to make:
It's either ALL funny, or NONE of it is funny! As a gay, black, jewish Texan amputee with Down's Syndrome, I have to say that it's ALL funny to me - at least I think it is... I never really learned to read or write, so the pictures are what really pique my interest, you gay homosexual faggot!!!

buell  04/29/09 11:56 am
@Harry. Did you not paying attention when he said that the gays can't beat people up?
Look this site is all about being politically incorrect; If your gonna bash 'em for one shirt you need to bash em for all because they all offend some jackass somewhere. BETTER YET YOU KNOW WHATS ON HERE SO DON'T COME HERE, no one has a gun pointed at your head saying look at this site (if they do you still have a choice and I hope you choose the right one so this world can be just a little bit better).

I will say this though. His comment about his grandfather was weird (ehh still laughed);
I've seen some pretty manly gays that I would rather not fight (never know what they'll do with their hands);
IF anyone here watches "Rescue Me" there was an episode where guy gives guy bj, guy beats guy up saying im not a fag man. Who the fuck called in and complained about that shit? Theres alot more people watching that show then looking at every shirt on this site.

Rant over

dookie head  04/29/09 10:53 pm
that is funny.. the sperm spitting thing. haha. fags see you all in hell.

Richard Cranium  04/30/09 12:01 pm
So according to your thoughts, my friend and neighbor, (a lesbian) she should have been REALLY pissed off at me when she saw me wear my 'straight' rainbow shirt from TSH? She laughed her ass off!
Go F yourself with a large metal stick you douche bag!

Bomb Diggitty  04/30/09 8:44 pm
Are all of you really missing the fact that blind midget amputees were brought up?! I've always wanted to have sex with a quadruple amputee midget. She'd be like a football with a head! I'd spin her around and bounce her like a baby on my johnson. Oh, what a jolly grand time that would be!

mardo  05/01/09 10:05 pm
"AIDSy blood" HA! Love it...

Angus McShagnasty  05/09/09 10:27 am
Let me know if you find any Bomb Diggity, I could go for one too. Sounds like fun and afterwards you could go out and be a world champion midget tosser due to the lower coefficient of drag from having no limbs. I gues I could always get a fix-r-upper midget and remove the limbs myself if I don't hear from you

does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Submission-----

From: Amy

Gay Jesus Offends Christians--is not only a stupid idea but I wonder how having an open shirt means you're gay, because most people I have met with an unbuttoned short are actually trying to pick up girls. That picture makes Jesus look like he's trying to be macho not gay.

I also want to say right now that shirt isn't really funny and might actually get people beat up who wear it. I think it's a safety hazard. (Not to mention I don't agree with it, but sheesh, this t-shirt could be the cause of a lawsuit and it doesn't really matter if I don't agree with it personally).

Editor's Note: Actually, it is a proven fact that men who wear unbuttoned shirts are gay. You're probably confused because so many of them hit on you, but that's just because they all thought you were a dude. And shame on you for disappointing them. All those gay guys thought they were about to get a mouth full of cock and when they get down there it's like "Hey, that's not a cock. It's just a patch of unwashed hair and some organ that looks like it's never been used."

Besides, that shirt is based on the actual Gay Jesus I met when I visited a parallel universe. In that universe, Jesus is gay, dolphins rape people, and you aren't an unloved sanctimonious cunt.

As for the shirt getting people beat up, I can only hope. I look forward to the day when that shirt starts a simple scuffle and inexplicably it erupts into an orgy of violence that claims the life of every human on the planet. That's why we do what we do. That and to tell you to fuck off.

Comments (37) - View Comments - Add A Comment

HarryBastard  04/27/09 1:53 pm
orgy of violence?!?!?! when? where? I've started drinking whiskey already I'm so stoked for this!

billbudd  04/27/09 2:30 pm
How would you get beat up for wearing this shirt? I thought Christians were forgiving. There I go thinking again.

random  04/27/09 5:22 pm
It's just a shirt and it's the individual's decision whether or not to wear it. If they do they take all risk, if they don't then they shouldn't worry about it. The point of this site, and these shirts, is shock value and an apt demonstration of the close-mindedness of society with peoples attitudes regarding said shirts.

bloodyimportant  04/27/09 6:24 pm
the dude in the picture with the white shirt is hot - I want bum sex with him

Chris  04/27/09 6:58 pm
"...most people I have met with an unbuttoned short are actually trying to pick up girls."

No, they're certainly gay. The unbuttoned short is the international gay sign that they are "open for business". It's kind of like a surprise Grab Bag.

Luci Vaughn  04/27/09 9:32 pm
I actually thought the Gay Jesus would turn Christians on. Well, not Catholics, but maybe the other flavors of Jesus?

G  04/27/09 10:07 pm
If it wasn't for the text, I would totally get the gay jesus picture on a shirt.

Lt. Commander Data  04/27/09 11:53 pm
That look is very homo. Open shirt like that, in that design and fashion, came about in the '60s as a way of allowing homos to know whom they could proposition. The leather look, I believe it's called. Hell, that biker from the Village People wore that same outfit... you think he -wasn't- trying to let people know he was a poof? Freddie Mercury, too.

As a Christian, btw, I wouldn't wear that shirt, or the "Mary was only a virgin if you don't count anal" one, but I can still lmao at them, and I do. I'm not some frigging inquisitor-type Christian...

Jesus SOcks COck  04/28/09 1:12 am
Jesus, Hitler, Faggotts... They're all the same. Just a reason to spew hate at niggers and wetbacks.

xtrchessreal  04/28/09 1:56 am
Fuck Gays if they can't take a beating! I'll take a big cock in my ass if the Virgin Mary takes my little dick in hers, hell I'll suck her sons cock too. There it is the big guy in my ass, junior in my mouth and , the little guy in Mary's ass! May oohlah lick my dick between strokes. That might be as good as the nun that eats the priest shit right out of his ass, hot a steamy...whew yahoo!!! MMmmm Maybe I'll go tap my neighbor's 4 year old now....

Just lay down and die.

ill ish  04/28/09 5:57 am
the girl in the shirt is called Iga

MoonBatt  04/28/09 8:04 am
First of all, screw Amy who can't even spell "shirt." Second, I put a "Hail Satan" bumper sticker on my car fearing that I might get my window bashed in. All I did was piss off my dad. Go figure.

Jamison McPennyfarthing  04/28/09 10:27 am
How can thousands of Christian males walk around worshipping a dude and openly saying things like "I love Jesus" and "I hope Jesus leaves a bag of cum under my pillow tonight" and not sound gay? GAY GAY GAY!!!!!!

PS That chick with the sideboob in the picture-I would wreck every orifice and skin fold and joint pussy on her body. Just throwing that out there.

Naked Satanist  04/28/09 11:34 am
I couldn't care less about gay Jesus or open shirts or Freddie Mercury, that chick in the pic is fucking hot.

debi  04/28/09 11:35 am
I loved the gay jesus shirt. Tell the bible thumper to shove it up her ass!

Honkey Tonk  04/28/09 12:01 pm
Why can't Jesus be gay? He's illegitimate so that pretty well opens the door, doesn't it? Unless God and Mary Magdalene can come up with a marriage certificate, Christians are praying to a bastard ...

Jason  04/28/09 12:59 pm
Luci Vaughn, you're right, gay Jesus wouldn't turn on Catholics. To turn on Catholics, it would have to be gay baby Jesus.

Dr. Billy  04/28/09 5:59 pm
did he just write the word sheesh?

BlackDog  04/28/09 6:18 pm
Amy Bitch -- How many people have you met walking around with unbottoned shorts? Just asking. Have you met Max?

12 Pack  04/28/09 6:22 pm
dolphins either really do rape people or this bitch was just asking for it (i'm inclined toward the latter personally)

Mr Seven  04/28/09 6:23 pm
Hey, Jesus could have been bi-sexual, I mean they say god loves all people, right ? wink wink motherfucker

Douchey McDouche  04/28/09 7:41 pm
Didn't Jesus spend most of his time hanging around with 12 guys who worshipped him? His "inner circle"?? I can just see Jesus slowly unbuttoning his shirt in front of his disciples, thereby giving them the universal symbol for "13 WAY ORGY!!!" Then they'd circle-jerk and daisy-chain until the sun went down and then Jesus would turn pebbles into Viagra and they'd get stuck in to it again

ChuckyT  04/28/09 8:47 pm
Geesh, Chicks like this were the Reason Jesus went Gay in the first place....

Natalie  04/28/09 10:36 pm
Open shirt sure as hell is gay to me. "Macho" my fat ass!

Ole P  04/28/09 11:25 pm
i like titz

i like women, i wear a open dress shirt, WITH a white tee shirt because i like how it looks

lawl  04/29/09 12:18 am
That's because you're a pussy, G.

TaintPainter  04/29/09 12:28 am
"i like titz

i like women, i wear a open dress shirt, WITH a white tee shirt because i like how it looks"

Yeah. Definitely gay.

Pikadon  04/29/09 2:32 am
You offer "Gay Jesus." So when will we see "Nuke Mecca (Preferably During the Hajj)?" 'Course, you wimped out and stopped offering "The Koran - Now In 2-Ply," so you probably don't have the 'nads...

Cahlon  04/29/09 7:08 am
I'll give you amy 1 point on the open shirt whatever. only cuz i never had a shirt like that. I had 1 button up tho my girl unbottuned going down on me but that dont count. -666 points. get people beat up?? WTF? I went to church dressed all gothic and only got a welcome? despite wearing a pentagram with the words 'in god we trust'. so i am so sorry i fail to see anyone getting there gay asses kicked. ohhh but wait my bad you already exsplained your logic didnt you? "not to mention I don't agree with it" fuck I was raised in a bible family both parents are baptists and bible theologens (what ever the fuck that means). oh and as to law suit. oh my god damn your right there is no freedom of speech.... wait what? there is ohhh so fucking sad amy eat jesuses gay dick there goes the lawsuit. jesus fucking satan christ girl. sell your soul and buy a sence of fucking humor. that or go get laid. remember everytime you fuck god creates a new child ^^

Barry  04/29/09 7:11 am
I think the shirt may be accurate. Has anyone ever actually read the bible, or any of the texts associated with it. His "special" apostle, Timothy was all hugs and kisses for Jesus. Especially when they were alone, and we are talking about a period in history where being a pederast was normal. Eben Mohamed talks about the charms of a beardless youth.

Bar Bitch  04/29/09 10:40 am
So yeah, there's a dude at the bar who has a bed tan, fat gold chain and is always wearing an open, unbuttoned shirt (or a wife-beater). He's been hitting on me for 2 years now and I've come to conclusion that he's either gay and doesn't know it, or he knows it and is trying to get me to straighten him out. What he's not aware of is that I don't even straighten out my hubby's dick, so I sure as hell ain't gonna straighten out his!

Jesus' fag hag  04/29/09 11:37 am
So I guess "Gay Jesus Offends Christians" is a true statement. I own this shirt in pink cuz it makes Jesus look extra gay! I am waiting for the day some holy roller picks a fight with me over my shirt that is just stating that a gay Jesus would in fact offend Christians. That would make me SO happy!

Bob  04/29/09 11:56 am
Anyone know who the girl in the photo is?

ricardo cabeza  04/29/09 12:28 pm
They can't all be winners. BTW Hail Satan is the BEST Mercyful Fate tribute band in the world!

Wainy  04/30/09 8:39 am
Ha Ha! You stupid fucking cunt weep! I have the shirt, it's one of the best ever, my Gay mates like it & my Christian mate even laughed. No-one cares what you think, they just hope you die of cancer!!! Hang on, if you put that on a t-shirt, I want some fucking money!!! Don't comment on here if your Vagina is still in its original wrapping

Andrea  04/30/09 8:39 pm
Has T-Shirt Hell or anyone affiliated with it ever been sued by someone who got attacked for wearing one of your shirts? I don't feel like looking around for a disclaimer to answer my question...

Horrible Harry  05/16/09 5:49 pm
Billbudd, Christians are forgiving. I would be the one beating your ass!

division of labor

[Frankly My Dear... Okay, One Last Blowjob]

All that glitters is not gold. It might be a stripper who just got off work.