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newsfromhell

Thing? What thing?

Former Russian President Boris Yeltsin recently passed away at the age of 76 proof. He led a full life, but those close to him say that he always regretted that he never caught moose and squirrel. Get it? Boris and Natasha? Eh, fuck you.

Another former Russian President, Alec Baldwin, has come under fire for hostile comments that were directed at his 11-year-old daughter. I don't know what the big deal is. My dad constantly threatened me when I was 11 years old, and it just made the sex that much better.

Old White Nappy Headed Ho

And something happened in Virginia, but I can't recall what. I think it involved a college...some kind of minority was involved...oh, I don't remember. All I know is that I made a shitload of money.

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New Shirts

We've added more new shirts than Satan himself deserves, let alone your sorry ass. There's something for everyone this time around. As long as you're into drugs, vagina, donkey shows, or just keeping your vote white and male. Check 'em out. Or eat your own poop. Whatever you want to do.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_043007_news.htm


division

Cause food is for pussies.

Sanskrit for "Girl Scout"Sanjaya Malakar, television phenomenon and gay teenager, was recently voted off of American Idol. He (?) was a highly divisive performer, lasting well into the late rounds of the competition due in large part to campaigns devoted to voting for the worst contestant. (Kind of like the presidency. That's how it happened, isn't it?)

This upset American Idol fans, who claimed that it ruined the show's credibility. You know, the credibility of the show that made stars out of Taylor Hicks and Clay Aiken. That credibility. But while AI fans grew increasingly frustrated, people who hate the show loved the success of Sanjaya, believing that his victory would help sink the ratings juggernaut. And still others genuinely enjoyed the attitude and over-the-top style of Sanjaya.

Lots of people like Yanni too.I, as usual, came down on the side of not caring. Whether Sanjaya goes on to sell 10 million albums or he ends up doing gay porn before being shot in the head in a coke deal gone wrong, my reaction will be the same - a simple shrug of the shoulders.

It seems that in this day and age of opinion polls, phone voting and leaving comments, people have forgotten that they have the option of simply not caring. Just because two groups are fighting about something doesn't mean one of them is right. If a couple of guys are arguing whether oral sex is better from a badger or a mongoose, you don't have to pick a side.

These guys would have EATEN Paula Abdul.But I'm not telling you to avoid conflict just because the conflict is pointless. I'm telling you to avoid conflict regardless of what it's about. Whether it's about something as trivial as American Idol or about something as supposedly important as the environment, just stay out of it and you'll come out all the better for having avoided it. And even if you don't, you won't care.

So just remember, the next time you're holding up a protest sign and shouting to let the world know where you stand on abortion, I'm at home eating ice cream sandwiches and laughing at the Three Stooges. At the end of the day we will both have made the same impact on society, but only I will have avoided feeling emotions. Have a good night. Or don't. I don't really give a shit.


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