05/07/04

John Stamos is getting divorced just as the Olsen twins turn 18.
Coincidence? I think not. I think someone is going to be entering
the backdoors of two little houses very soon. Harder, Uncle Jesse!
Harder!

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NEW SHIRTS, MOTHER FUCKER
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Don't waste your hard earned money on flowers for mom. She never
loved you and she never will. Instead, buy yourself a funny new shirt
that will never judge you, or compare you to your smarter, older
brother; or whore of a sister that gave her 3 grandchildren.

All of our new shirts are here:
http://www.tshirthell.com/newshirt311.htm

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$1000 Photo contest
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If you are a smoking hot chick, we've got $1000 for you.
Announcing the first ever $1000 whore contest. We are looking for
the best looking girl, in the sexiest pose,wearing one of our fine t-shirts.
The rules are the same as our regular whore contest. The difference is,
the winner of this contest wins $1000 in cash.

Here are some pointers:

Photography counts.

-If it's out of focus, or too small, you are not going to win.

Creativity counts.

-If it comes down to two hot chicks, the more creative picture will be the
deciding factor.

We want to see the shirt, too.

-So while we enjoy topless pictures, you are probably better off keeping
your shirt on. (although wetting it down is not only acceptable, it's
strongly encouraged)

If you are under 18 you must keep your shirt on!

-We are not that kind of site. I know, it's hard to believe.

No fake Photoshop shirts on pictures you found on the internet.

-Enough said.

So grab your girl, your friend's hot mom, or your local stripper (perhaps
they are all the same person, and if so, right on!) And start taking
pictures.

We will only contact you if you win, so don't bother us.

Contest entries must be received by June 15th.

The winner will be announced in the End of June Newsletter

Click here for rules and how to enter
http://www.tshirthell.com/whores1000.htm

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CHECK PLEASE
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There is nothing worse than bad service at a restaurant. I'm very rich.
I'm not going to Sizzler with the rest of you freaks, sticking my face in
some trough full of food that's been sitting under a light bulb for the last
three days. I'm talking about a real, sit down, linen tablecloth, bone
china, fine dining establishment.

Don't cry to me how hard it is to be a waiter. It's not. You have one
fucking job. I tell you what I want to eat, you bring it to me. You don't
have to cook it. You don't have to slaughter the cow or plant the
vegetables. If you can hold a pencil and carry a tray, you have all of the
necessary skills be an excellent waiter.

Take the order. Get it right. Give the order to the kitchen. Bring the
order out. Check back in five minutes to see if everything is OK. Come
back a couple more times over the course of the meal and keep refilling my
drink until I say I've had enough. Who are you my mother? My parole
officer? My AA sponsor? No, you're none of those people.

That's the next important point. Here are some things that are not part of
your job. If I tell you the steak is not done how I like it, don't lecture
me on the finer points of rare versus medium rare or they will be lecturing
you on the finer points of reconstructive surgery after pulling my steak
knife out of your fucking chest. Take it back, now.

It is not your job to stand in back and console the hostess with the searing
case of Chlamydia because she was the locomotive in a fuck train with the
12 Filipino bus boys. You keep your ass where I can see it. I just might
want some salsa, and it's none of your fucking business what I intend to
use it for.

Los Angeles has an additional problem, where most of the people struggling
to be waiters, are really struggling actors. Here's a thought. Why not
"act" like a decent fucking waiter? Try to win the fucking Oscar for your
performance.

Keep this in mind. You don't get a tip. You earn a tip. You've got too
many tables? Well I suggest you focus on the well dressed guy who just
ordered the twin lobsters, because those two old whores splitting a salad
are not going to help put you through community college.

Don't tell me from now on if you see me at your restaurant you'll jerk off
in my food. Fuck you. You think I believe someone as lazy, and with as
little motivation as you, is now going to show some initiative? This is the
same guy who can't remember not to put lemon in my water? The only
good thing about bad waiters is that they happily accept my stolen credit
cards, and even say, "Have a good night Mrs. Yakamora." You have a
good night too, dick.

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MORE HATE, MORE ANGER, MORE FUN!
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----- Original Message -----
From: "Paul G"
Sent: Sunday, April 25, 2004 2:41 PM
Subject: Re: T-Shirt Hell Late April Newsletter

pack of vicious queers

(Editor's Note: We're not so much a pack as a loose affiliation. In fact,
some of us are strictly freelance. But we are vicious, and some of the
girls on staff are lesbos. Maybe this one wasn't a hate letter after
all... )

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----- Original Message -----
From: Guy
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2004 7:54 AM

You fucks!

Hitler was a mother fucked like you! Don't sell his T-SHIRT!

FUCKERS

(Editor's Note: We don't sell Hitler's t-shirt. Hitler's t-shirt is
smaller, with some serious pit stains. But all that planning for world
domination can make a guy pretty sweaty.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: -
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2004 4:24 AM
Subject: Hitler Tshirt

Hello,

I once bought a Tshirt from your site. I now see that you are selling a
Hitler Tshirt that has the writing "What about all the good things Hitler
did?" I will never buy another product from you and advice all my
friends to do so as well.

Ishai

(Editor's Note: Is anyone else sensing a pattern here? This letter is
especially troubling, because if he had only taken the time to sign up for
our New Shirt Notification List, <It's on the main page directly under the
T-Shirt of the Minute> Ishai, and both of his friends, could have been
offended in a much more timely manner. Shit, we've had that shirt for
almost a year now.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: j***2k
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2004 5:50 AM
Subject: Hitler T-Shirt....

U GOT 24 HOURS TILL U DROP THIS TSHIRT SELL!

this is ur FIRST AND FINALL WARNING!. else ull see the upcome,
or should i say downcome.. (figure this out by ur self).

have a GR8t week. next time there will be no warning.

(Editor's Note: We tracked this group of hate mail back to a post
on an Israeli website. Now if I was an Israeli, I might be a little more
focused on the here and now, than I would be on something that
happened 60 years ago. Those aren't Nazi's coming over the hill.
While it is probably easier to fight us, and our dynamite selection of
t-shirts, they should probably concentrate on the guys wearing t-shirts
that are made out of actual dynamite. Just a thought.)

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Peace inside out.