We are happy to announce that we have added more new styles and colors to our already enormous selection. 3 completely new girls styles in 16 colors, a new mens style in 10 colors, and we have extended our line of babydolls with 3 new colors, a new boybeater color, and 4 new colors in our girls casual tees.
We now literally have more styles and colors than you can shake a baby at- and trust me I’ve been shaking babies all morning because I find it hard to believe myself.
The new girls styles are a vintage tee, a vintage ringer, and an American Apparel lightweight hoodie. The new mens style is an American Apparel tee that is super soft, with a more vintage, form fitting look than our standard beefy tee. As always, all of our designs are available in all of our over 100 styles and colors. Check them out on the new shirt page below.
I hope you all had a happy Mother's Day. I'm sorry to say that for the tenth year in a row I received neither flowers nor a card from any of my children. If they keep this up, I'm never going to take them out of those dumpsters.
Our congratulations to Jenna Bush, who was married last Saturday. The ceremony went off without a hitch, except for some minor injuries after George W. Bush mistakenly threw Condoleezza Rice at the happy couple. [Rimshot]
Barack Obama recently won the Democratic primary in North Carolina and lost by a narrow margin in Indiana, further ensuring that he will win his party's nomination. But Hillary "Take the Goddamn Hint" Clinton refuses to give up. The senator lent her campaign $6.4 million in the past month. Pundits are saying it is all part of her plan to waste an additional $6.4 million.
A cyclone which ravaged Myanmar has claimed thousands of lives, and a U.S. diplomat says the total may exceed 100,000 when all is said and done. To put that in perspective, this disaster is almost one tenth of one percent as devastating as 3,000 Americans dying. (Side note: I don't know what you call people from Myanmar, but I'm going with "Myanmartians")
After two years of seemingly endless bad press following his "couch jumping" incident on Oprah, Tom Cruise made another appearance on her show last week. Maybe I'm the only one who noticed it, but I don't think he helped matters when he took a dump on Oprah's couch and rubbed her face in it while shouting "IT'S ALL FOR YOU, XENU!"
It has been reported that Ryan Seacrest may take over for Larry King in 2009. King's suspenders have become an almost iconic image, but give it time and I'm sure Seacrest's anal beads will be every bit as iconic.
77-year-old Sue Johanson recently ended her run as the host of Oxygen's "Talk Sex." I am deeply saddened by this news. It was refreshing for me to see an old person talk about sex without shouting "STOP!" or "Who let you in my room?"
After six years of delays, jury selection for R. Kelly's child pornography charges began last week. "Fair and speedy trial" indeed. At this point, R. Kelly has probably disposed of roughly 100 urine-soaked training bras.
Being smart enough to get that abortion is no excuse for getting no presents this Mother's Day. If the children you don't have refuse to get you something, treat yourself with any or all of our new shirts.
This group includes the perfect bar/club shirt. Whether you're too shy to strike up a conversation or you just don't want to shout over that shitty techno, this shirt will say everything that needs to be said to a stranger you want to fuck. We also have a shirt that gerbils will find hilarious, but will probably piss off Richard Gere. Last but not least is a shirt which shows us a side of Fred and Barney that not even the Great Gazoo knew about. Check them out.
All of our new shirts are here:
And check out TorsoPants.com's new TorsoPants as well:
(warning - if you're not a fan of dry humor, do not go to TorsoPants)
The latest installment of the highly popular video game series Grand Theft Auto was recently released to much fanfare. While I personally wasn't that interested, I can understand how people who don't regularly kill whores with baseball bats or run over crackheads in real life would be excited by this.
But while sales of the game were stellar as usual, there was very little uproar regarding GTA IV. No attention-starved politician raising a stink, no money-grubbing televangelist shaking his fist and calling for a boycott, no junkies complaining of negative portrayals of junkies, no nothing.
In the past, there was seemingly an unspoken rule between the video game industry and moral crusaders. The gaming industry pretended to care about exercising their constitutional rights in order to sell their games to you, while religious and political leaders pretended to care about defending your kids from these "smut peddlers" so they could sell their nothing to you. It was perfect. Both sides pretended to care about an issue so they could both get their hands on the only thing any of us care about.
A thousand blood-filled video games later and neither side seems too concerned about the fight anymore. Game makers have realized any overhyped game will move a few hundred thousand units regardless, and the church and government have discovered you'll send in your 10% or give them your vote no matter how incompetent, corrupt or uncaring they may be. Why participate in the fight when you get the trophy anyway?
That said, controversy can still be an effective marketing tool. In an attempt to stir up the proverbial hornet's nest, game makers are upping the insensitivity and producing games that are sure to make your soul cry. Here are some of the upcoming titles.
Tard Hunt (Gun controller required)
Sonic the Back-Alley Abortion Hedgehog
Tom Clancy's U.S. Soldiers with PTSD - Mission: Suicide
Grand Theft Childhood Innocence
Guitar Hero: Sexual Assault with a Shark Edition
Madden '09: The Off-Season (Game consists of raising funds to dodge possession charges and a rape conviction)
Double Penetration Dragon
The Sims: Kill Yourself - I Don't Mean Your Character, I Mean Put an Actual Gun in Your Actual Mouth and Pull the Actual Trigger
Race Wars (Note: In this game, only the white race is allowed cheat codes)
Frogger's Wheelchair Challenge
Gay Bash (Only available for Wii, requires special tire iron controller. Actually, you don't need a Wii. Or a TV.)
Super Osama Bros.
Tony Hawk's Shreddin' in Darfur
Halo 4: Master Chief Joins Al Qaeda
Donkey Kong: 9-11 was an Inside Job
Dig Dug: Concentration Camp Edition
World of AIDScraft
Mega Man: The Columbine/Virginia Tech Challenge
The Legend of Zelda: Link Shits on the American Flag
HCHCR (Hate Crime Hate Crime Revolution)
Q-Bert: %$&@ Jews!
Comments (13) - View Comments - Add A Comment
From: Bob R.
Sent: Monday, May 05, 2008
You fuckers are sick in the head and will receive your due for some of this crap you think is funny. Remember when it happens.
Editor's Note: Actually, we are already receiving our due. It comes in the form of large amounts of money every single day. I don't know what to do with all this due. I spend as much as I can on porn, drugs, alcohol and wooden shoes, but the more due I spend the more comes in. I'm like "Jesus...enough with all the fucking due already."
But thank you for your warning anyway. Allow me to pass your message along to others. Kids, don't develop a sense of humor and find a way to capitalize on your creativity. Just listen to people like our good buddy Bob here and end up selling sand paintings at a kiosk in the mall. Remember: Your dream can't be crushed if you don't have a dream in the first place.
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Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2008
You and you're t-shirts DISGUST me! Not one of the messages displayed on your shirts is funny or witty, whatsoever. Cruelty, sexism , racism and discrimination are what you're promoting and earning money off of, THAT'S NOT FUCKING OK! Those messages are hurtful and totally uncalled for. It is immature, idiotic ass holes like yourselves that are responsible for the majority of issues within society.
Trying to be funny about issues that hurt so many people (and animals) and are responsible for so much pain!? It does not get any lower than that. When (and if) you eventually get a life, you'll realize that you are shit just like your shirts. You are low dirty scum and i hope you realize KARMA'S A BITCH!
Editor's Note:This is a new one. I've often been told people like us are responsible for all the problems in society, but this lady has gone one better and claimed we are responsible for all the issues in society. We are no longer just the negative aspect of the issue. We are the issue in and of itself. We no longer make light of or glorify homophobia; we ARE homophobia. We no longer spread racism; we ARE racism. That is quite a burden to bear.
By the way, what's wrong with making money off of cruelty, sexism and discrimination? Those things are all so horrible, shouldn't someone be benefiting from them? The fact that millions of people are suffering goes down a little easier when I'm eating caviar-filled Pop-Tarts on my yacht that was fully financed by their suffering.
Thanks for your email, Karma. Oh, wait...your name is Erica. I got confused because you and karma have so much in common.
Comments (23) - View Comments - Add A Comment
Sent: Thursday, May 08, 2008
i just received your new email with the new shirts , i had a question about the one with the woman and the two babies talking about anal . im sorry i dont get the reference ? what is the joke ? sorry again and thank you
ps - i love your site , and props to writing such awesome shirts everyday :)
Editor's Note: I'm going to be honest with you. I've been so wasted for the past two months I don't even know what you're talking about. I assume we added some shirt that implies sex in the asshole for a few minutes is a better choice than raising an asshole for 18 years, but that's only a guess.
Even though I don't know which shirt you're talking about, I'm certain that the joke is clear enough and that you're just a fucking idiot. The only question here is what your excuse is. Your hair color? Your gender? Your nationality? Maybe you're the dumbest of all three. That would make you a redheaded female from Turkey. Take that, Adalet Yilmaz!
[Okay, that wasn't much of a hate mail, so here's a topic of discussion for the comments below. Which was funnier: 9-11 or the Crucifixion? Discuss.]
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Sent: Saturday, May 10, 2008
You are GAY like all your work...
Editor's Note: You couldn't be more wrong. Our work is only slightly gay, whereas I am astoundingly gay. On the gayness scale from one to ten (one being a guy wearing a fanny-pack and ten being Richard Simmons making out with a mutant creature made of 50 cocks), I would say I rate a solid twelve.
Having said that, I don't know if this is hate mail or not. This could mean "gay" as in "lame." But it could also simply be stating a fact. Kind of like when people say "You are racist assholes and you're going to burn in hell." Thanks. And fish live in water and people in wheelchairs are funny.
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[The End - Resume Your Paint-Huffing]
Familiarity breeds contempt. You hear that, Canada?