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newsfromhell

It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing
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We are happy to announce that we have added more new styles and colors to our already enormous selection. 3 completely new girls styles in 16 colors, a new mens style in 10 colors, and we have extended our line of babydolls with 3 new colors, a new boybeater color, and 4 new colors in our girls casual tees.

We now literally have more styles and colors than you can shake a baby at- and trust me I’ve been shaking babies all morning because I find it hard to believe myself.

The new girls styles are a vintage tee, a vintage ringer, and an American Apparel lightweight hoodie. The new mens style is an American Apparel tee that is super soft, with a more vintage, form fitting look than our standard beefy tee. As always, all of our designs are available in all of our over 100 styles and colors. Check them out on the new shirt page below.

all new styles

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HULK RUN FAST. HULK SMASH!


I hope you all had a happy Mother's Day. I'm sorry to say that for the tenth year in a row I received neither flowers nor a card from any of my children. If they keep this up, I'm never going to take them out of those dumpsters.

Our congratulations to Jenna Bush, who was married last Saturday. The ceremony went off without a hitch, except for some minor injuries after George W. Bush mistakenly threw Condoleezza Rice at the happy couple. [Rimshot]

Barack Obama recently won the Democratic primary in North Carolina and lost by a narrow margin in Indiana, further ensuring that he will win his party's nomination. But Hillary "Take the Goddamn Hint" Clinton refuses to give up. The senator lent her campaign $6.4 million in the past month. Pundits are saying it is all part of her plan to waste an additional $6.4 million.

A cyclone which ravaged Myanmar has claimed thousands of lives, and a U.S. diplomat says the total may exceed 100,000 when all is said and done. To put that in perspective, this disaster is almost one tenth of one percent as devastating as 3,000 Americans dying. (Side note: I don't know what you call people from Myanmar, but I'm going with "Myanmartians")

After two years of seemingly endless bad press following his "couch jumping" incident on Oprah, Tom Cruise made another appearance on her show last week. Maybe I'm the only one who noticed it, but I don't think he helped matters when he took a dump on Oprah's couch and rubbed her face in it while shouting "IT'S ALL FOR YOU, XENU!"

It has been reported that Ryan Seacrest may take over for Larry King in 2009. King's suspenders have become an almost iconic image, but give it time and I'm sure Seacrest's anal beads will be every bit as iconic.

77-year-old Sue Johanson recently ended her run as the host of Oxygen's "Talk Sex." I am deeply saddened by this news. It was refreshing for me to see an old person talk about sex without shouting "STOP!" or "Who let you in my room?"

After six years of delays, jury selection for R. Kelly's child pornography charges began last week. "Fair and speedy trial" indeed. At this point, R. Kelly has probably disposed of roughly 100 urine-soaked training bras.

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Being smart enough to get that abortion is no excuse for getting no presents this Mother's Day. If the children you don't have refuse to get you something, treat yourself with any or all of our new shirts.

This group includes the perfect bar/club shirt. Whether you're too shy to strike up a conversation or you just don't want to shout over that shitty techno, this shirt will say everything that needs to be said to a stranger you want to fuck. We also have a shirt that gerbils will find hilarious, but will probably piss off Richard Gere. Last but not least is a shirt which shows us a side of Fred and Barney that not even the Great Gazoo knew about. Check them out.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_051208_news.htm


And check out TorsoPants.com's new TorsoPants as well:

http://www.torsopants.com/miscpages/ntpn/newtp051408.htm

(warning - if you're not a fan of dry humor, do not go to TorsoPants)

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andyThe latest installment of the highly popular video game series Grand Theft Auto was recently released to much fanfare. While I personally wasn't that interested, I can understand how people who don't regularly kill whores with baseball bats or run over crackheads in real life would be excited by this.

But while sales of the game were stellar as usual, there was very little uproar regarding GTA IV. No attention-starved politician raising a stink, no money-grubbing televangelist shaking his fist and calling for a boycott, no junkies complaining of negative portrayals of junkies, no nothing.

In the past, there was seemingly an unspoken rule between the video game industry and moral crusaders. The gaming industry pretended to care about exercising their constitutional rights in order to sell their games to you, while religious and political leaders pretended to care about defending your kids from these "smut peddlers" so they could sell their nothing to you. It was perfect. Both sides pretended to care about an issue so they could both get their hands on the only thing any of us care about.

A thousand blood-filled video games later and neither side seems too concerned about the fight anymore. Game makers have realized any overhyped game will move a few hundred thousand units regardless, and the church and government have discovered you'll send in your 10% or give them your vote no matter how incompetent, corrupt or uncaring they may be. Why participate in the fight when you get the trophy anyway?
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That said, controversy can still be an effective marketing tool. In an attempt to stir up the proverbial hornet's nest, game makers are upping the insensitivity and producing games that are sure to make your soul cry. Here are some of the upcoming titles.

Tard Hunt (Gun controller required)

Sonic the Back-Alley Abortion Hedgehog

Tom Clancy's U.S. Soldiers with PTSD - Mission: Suicide

Grand Theft Childhood Innocence

Guitar Hero: Sexual Assault with a Shark Edition

Madden '09: The Off-Season (Game consists of raising funds to dodge possession charges and a rape conviction)

Double Penetration Dragon

The Sims: Kill Yourself - I Don't Mean Your Character, I Mean Put an Actual Gun in Your Actual Mouth and Pull the Actual Trigger

andyRace Wars (Note: In this game, only the white race is allowed cheat codes)

Frogger's Wheelchair Challenge

Gay Bash (Only available for Wii, requires special tire iron controller. Actually, you don't need a Wii. Or a TV.)

Super Osama Bros.

Tony Hawk's Shreddin' in Darfur

Halo 4: Master Chief Joins Al Qaeda

Donkey Kong: 9-11 was an Inside Job

Dig Dug: Concentration Camp Edition

World of AIDScraft

Virtua Stillbirth

Mega Man: The Columbine/Virginia Tech Challenge

The Legend of Zelda: Link Shits on the American Flag

HCHCR (Hate Crime Hate Crime Revolution)

Q-Bert: %[email protected] Jews!


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