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newsfromhell

It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing

Forgive me if I'm not as jovial as usual. It's been a rough couple of weeks for all of us at T-Shirt Hell. I mean, you dedicate your life to spreading fear and hate, and then to have something like this happen...I don't know what else to say. RIP, Reverend Falwell. You're bashing gay angels now.

In non-American news (otherwise known as irrelevant news), Tony Blair recently announced that he will be stepping down as the Prime Minister of...I don't know, some lame country. All I know is that this sucks for President Bush. He's going to have to go back to getting his blowjobs from Laura.

I hope these two nice colored ladies aren't lesbians.

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New Shirts
New Shirts

I got your new shirts, right here! No, seriously. This is the new shirt section. Included in our latest batch is a shirt about Jerry Falwell, and a shirt about a completely different kind of buzzkill. And if those don't do it for you, there are plenty of other new shirts which I'm sure will make your genitalia smile. Check 'em out, asshole.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_052807_news.htm


long division

Black is the new off-white.

Kids really do need a break.Hey, kids. Summer vacation is here and you know what that means...It's time for you to get me my goddamn hot dog on a stick! But seriously, school is out and it's time for all you little bastards to go out and fail at something other than school for a while.

But that wouldn't be the case if I had things my way. If I were running things (which I would be if praying actually worked), school would be a year-round commitment. I know that isn't exactly a new proposition, as any barren teacher or parent of a school-aged child will tell you, but my reason for wanting year-round school is different from any others you may have heard.

I don't want school to last all year because American children are falling behind other nations in education. I'm comfortable with the fact that future generations are going to be dumb. For one thing, they don't need to be smart. All our kids have to do is sit on their asses and purchase things made by the smart kids in other countries.

We may also need to consider the possibility that our children simply can't be taught anything. I mean, you can hold a medical journal in front of a donkey for thirty years and its never going to be a doctor. (And, yes, I'm comparing American kids to donkeys)

Ah, to be young and mutilated.I also don't want year-round school to keep kids out of trouble. If anything, kids need to get into more trouble. If no school meant that today's youth were sticking it to us old fogies (meaning anyone older than 17), I would be all for it. But nowadays a day off from school just means a kid is crying in his room and hanging out on MySpace for sixteen hours instead of the usual eight.

So why do I want school to last all year? Let me tell you. As someone who was often picked up and molested after school (because, hell, who's gonna believe a black girl over a creepy, old, white guy?), I think that pedophiles need to regain their sense of adventure.

There was a time when pedophiles had to hide behind bushes, follow a group of kids home until one got separated from the group, and even come up with convincing stories to get kids in their car. But in the internet era, under-aged orifices are practically delivered to their door. And summer vacation is just one more opportunity for them to stay online and offer X-Box games and Bratz dolls that will never be delivered.

I know that year-round school won't completely solve this problem, but it's a step in the right direction. Anything to help improve our sexual predators. So join me in my cause. For better pedophiles, and a better America.

Comments (12) - View Comments - Add A Comment

kathy  05/30/07 12:43 am
love your shirts, would even love a couple free ones, i am in the lazy bitch contest, do you have a cheap ass bitch contest because i want to be in that one to, since how i could only afford one shirt which i bought a year ago so now my lazy selfish greedy bitch ass sits waiting for you to award a lazy bitch in south dakota some free shirts, come on throw a bitch a bone.

steven cox  05/30/07 6:30 am
hey momma,I posted your last newsletter on DIGG!Do i get free t-shirts,cash drugs etc.for doing so?

Blake  05/30/07 7:59 am
Jesus Christ, the comments system is the worst thing ever invented. All the whine asses do is beg for free shirts? Why don't you dumbasses just get lucky and win some, like I did? Sheesh.

ghisz  05/30/07 8:10 am
hahahah.. school's out for everybody but me, I get to go back today.

tattoo bill  05/30/07 11:08 am
I was lucky enough to go to school year round..Granted, it was a reform school, (alternative to jail, for all you idiots out there) It was great, I thought it was the best time of my life.. Me and 99 other criminals all together for 4-8 hours a day, good times!!! In the end you graduate earlier, than all your "normal" friends, and it definately kept us occupied...

David  05/30/07 6:14 pm
Hey, I was one of the unfortunates who had to graduate from a year round school. Though my school wasn't probably as fun as the alternative school. I had year round school in a high security inpatient rehab. That was hell but the $100,000+ my parents spent on it were put to good use seeing as I party like a Trackstar....

Dave Ike  05/30/07 6:45 pm
A stranger is just a friend you haven't met. A friend is just a stranger you wish you hadn't.

Peace

Yea - and a corpse is someone I met who pissed me off. So go play with your friends and leave me alone unless you're a hooker or a groupie who thinks this lame Les Paul copy makes me a rock star...

Paul  05/31/07 4:53 am
just so no one else says it lets get it out the way YOU GUYS ARED HATEFUL AND STUFF GOD GOD GOD RELISION DIE DIE...i hope that works

Kerfuffle  05/31/07 10:43 am
Not unlike any other eight-year-old girl offered, I mean introduced to her newest mother fucker (step-father) I too have a watertight weakness for pedophiles; nevertheless, I can certainly recognize a valid point once itís been spoon fed to me. What kind of message must we be sending to the pedoís by rewarding their healthy little appetites with 3 months of complimentary meals? Why not just set up dining tables beside restaurant dumpster for the bums while weíre at it? Sure, Iíll miss watching a homeless man with shit soaked pants lick my trashcan clean every Wednesday and Saturday, but, Iíll eventually find comfort in knowing he no longer has to exert any extra effort for his meals, right? Wrong! Iíve been inspired by this crazy bitchís brilliant proposal in making year round school mandatory! I say we fuck the pedoís just as hard as they fuck the kiddos Ė no more hand outs!!

chipmunkfucker  05/31/07 10:15 pm
anybody seen "Hard Candy"? that movie is pretty much responsible for me being a LOT more sympathetic to child predators (watching someone having their balls hacked off really gives ya no little empathy... ;-)

Meh.  06/01/07 7:08 am
David, you are an idiot. I'm glad that you are proud of spending $100K of your parents money because you couldn't handle your drugs. That's $100K you won't inherit -- and that kinda money could buy a hell of a weekend in Thailand.

Moxie  06/03/07 5:52 pm
I feel so enlightened! This is BRILLIANT! I will be your messanger and spread your thoughts with the senile folk I work with.


space

-----Original Message-----

From: Cavin
Sent: Friday, May 18, 2007
Subject: Attempting to clear a possible misunderstanding

Is the fact that you have some shirts up for sale that possibly can be seen as racist/homophobic mean that your company supports homophobia and hate?

Editor's Note: Yes.

Comments (24) - View Comments - Add A Comment

b3nNyBoY  05/29/07 11:23 pm
Brilliant

Christine  05/30/07 3:21 am
Is the fact that you asked this question mean that you're a complete idiot?

Brent Elskan  05/30/07 9:47 am
"Is [blah] mean..."? What the hell is that shit? Fucking morons.

Iman Azol  05/30/07 10:27 am
I support the right of inferior groups to kill each other in the streets. Except for lesbians, who need to perform muff-munching for the rest of us while we jizz on their bare backs.

blonde in L.A.  05/30/07 10:51 am
FAG!!!!

Amy  05/30/07 3:41 pm
Why yes, statements do mean themselves. Very good.

Derwood  05/30/07 4:16 pm
That was the best answer I've ever seen.

Pooks  05/30/07 5:08 pm
Short and to the point. Making it a superb answer!

The HOMOTRON  05/30/07 5:12 pm
This thread is the GAY...

dads dick  05/30/07 8:39 pm
im a fuckin cool kid now. i posted a retarded comment with my stubby, ice cream coated finger.

Billy the Dik  05/30/07 8:43 pm
Hitler and Stalin were all for freedom of speech for views they liked. That's NOT freedom of speech, chowderhead!

Write Power  05/30/07 11:33 pm
Only sum faggot assed nigga loving jew fuck kike homosexual would cum up with sumptin like dat.

Citizen  05/31/07 1:32 am
lol to the answer.

LOL...Excellent comment Christine.

Write Power on the other hand is just upset that the batteries went dead during his prostrate punching power hour, He always gets upset when he is sent back to his gimp cage in the dungeon only "half-fisted"...So to speak.

Nick  05/31/07 2:53 am
@ Iman Azol

Misty  05/31/07 8:11 am
Brevity is beautiful.

Kerfuffle  05/31/07 11:05 am
Attempting to clear a possible misunderstanding ... psshhh, I think not. Just admit this was a pathetic cry for help to explain your dangerously low IQ level, while simultaneously attempting to clear up that nasty little case of dumb cunt you caught during the last eight pound watermelon head convention.

Sponge  05/31/07 12:33 pm
Retarded question

Perfect answer

nothing more to say really

Regan  05/31/07 11:35 pm
That was great!

Cock Sucking Female  06/01/07 12:12 am
Say it, Melissa, and you, too, will be free... MEN ARE GOOD. They have penises and other things women like. If we tried to be equal to them, we'd have penises. And then we'd be queer. And that would suck. Literally.

Sandra  06/01/07 10:49 am
Freedon of speech pretty much includes whats in your head right? In regards to the gey thing if the peron who wrote in doesn't care for peoples thoughts maybe they should find a straight raiser and get it over with.

Dan Goodman  06/03/07 11:30 pm
Hey, I'm not predjudiced or racist, I just hate everyone....

center  06/04/07 7:24 pm
Priceless...fucking priceless! I wonder if it hurts to have such an infinitesimal brain...

pat battle  07/09/07 12:21 pm
fucking awesome comment... why would you even ASK that in an email, what fucking answer would they give???

Joowy  06/11/09 7:07 am
this really gets me pondering about what could be done with all time wasted on random bullshit liked this (like this comment, too) what if we all focused our being-jackasses-energy on the massacre of all retards wether they be black caucasian caramel or obama-like? Come on now people I see a bright future ahead


joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: Jim R.
Sent: Monday, May 21, 2007
Subject: help!

Me and some buddies are getting ready to start our own t-shirt company which we plan to sell online. Can you tell us about some good marketing tricks you guys used to use when you were just starting out. I know you're not into helping the competition, but we're by no means competition and we would REALLY appreciate it. Thanks a million, love your shirts! -- Jim

Hell is for children.Editor's Note: The first thing you're going to want to do is make a deal with Satan. And don't think for a second that all you're going to have to do is offer him your soul. With Hell as packed as it is these days, it takes a minimum of 1,000 souls just to get a meeting.

As far as marketing is concerned, there's no fancy trick to it. Just good old-fashioned word of mouth. Our shirts made people vomit and denounce God, they told people what was making them so upset, and the next thing you know we're the biggest shirt site on the planet. It's not that different from the origins of Christianity or the Nazis.

My last piece of advice for you is to simply stop worrying about it, because the bottom line is that you're going to fail. You'll probably buy a domain name, you may even print up a few shirts that say things like "I'm where the beef is" and "I'm a drinker, not a fighter," but after a couple of months have passed and you've sold a total of four shirts to your mom's far-too-gracious friends, you'll give up and go right on being a waste of space.

So stop kidding yourself and see if you can get your job back at the 7-11. Or kill yourself. Whichever one is funnier.

Comments (10) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Barry  05/30/07 12:05 am
Note: Killing yourself is funnier.

Blake  05/30/07 8:06 am
Yeah, I always go for suicide over 7-11 jokes.

GOOFYBASTRD  05/30/07 1:25 pm
What is funnier then suicide? not much, maybe mass murder. But suicides happen daily, even hourly. Where is SumDum Fuk with my eggfoo yung? He just intentionally rode his poor excuse for a bike into oncoming traffic, must be hard to scrape orange beef off the fender of a jaguar. Now with mass murder, you have to wait to long inbetween shootings. But thanks to angry gooks and muslims this might all change.

John W Smoke  05/30/07 9:07 pm
yeah, go the suicide option.

Dante  05/31/07 1:21 am
Make it the best of both worlds...Just when the kiddies are showing up after school for slurpies and petty theft, jump up on counter, cut your cock off with a plastic knife and assault the customers while bleeding to death.

Kerfuffle  05/31/07 11:49 am
Jim, you magnificent bastard --- youíre off to a noble start as a suck-cessful entrepreneur. Gobbling cock while keeping a steady pace of ego stroking and ball juggling in hopes of catching a fleeting glimpse into the core components that make T-Shirt Hell the soul crushing machine theyíve become Ö bravo! Keep up this pace and youíll eventually accumulate enough jizz in the back of your throat to seal it shut, therefore putting an end to your worthless delusion of becoming a T-Shirt salesman or a productive human being in general.

DeadMike  05/31/07 11:26 pm
Jim doesn't sound like a name from India. Being from India is a requirement for working at 7-11.

idonthaveafuckingname  06/01/07 2:08 am
Wow every comment seems to come from people who recently graduated from elemenary school and realized that curse words exist.

moptop  06/01/07 10:27 pm
Thats not right, death is not the answer. Killing yourself would not be funny at all. Unless your going for a Darwin Award, than please go right ahead.

alex  08/08/07 11:43 pm
You are truly the funniest nigger, uh sorry. The only funny nigger.


division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Lance S.
Sent: Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Subject: fuck you

i just saw somebody wearing the dont mess with texas shirt.. well i live in Texas and you can go fuck yourself... if you wore that shit around here you'd get your ass kicked in about 2 seconds. and i'd be the one kicking it... but you probabley don't have the balls to wear it in public. you just sell it and hide in your ofice all day just like the bitch that you are

Editor's Note: I guess what they say is true. Everything is bigger in Texas...even the faulty chromosomes. You may have heard that joke before, because I stole it from reality.

No. You're right.  Texans are GENIUSES.Let me get something straight (even though I'm not). You stated that you were made aware of this shirt when you saw someone wearing it, then you claim that you'll kick my ass if you see me wearing it. So I guess I'd just like to know how that initial ass-kicking went. You didn't mention it in your email, but I can only assume that you whooped 'em good, because you don't seem at all like a dumbfuck that's just talking out of his ass.

That was sarcasm, in case your Michelob-soaked brain didn't catch that. You and I both know you're not going to kick anyone's ass. You're going to go to the nearest establishment that has a mechanical bull (which, in Texas, is probably the nearest church), then you're going to go home, masturbate to NASCAR and/or FOX News, and then you're going to cry yourself to sleep while staring at the George W. Bush poster you have taped above your bed. So spare the rest of the world your empty threats and empty head. Now go fuck yourself. That cow has had enough.

Comments (56) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Lisa  05/29/07 9:44 pm
HAHAHHAHAHA the Texas shirt is a hoot... I hope you guys can do some for Massachusetts next... fuck that place!

Aaron  05/29/07 11:55 pm
LMFAO! I want on that just says "FUCK TEXAS" ... Keep up the awesome shirts

mike  05/30/07 2:05 am
I just want to say that as soon as I moved to Texas and found out this shirt was made. Well you know it I bought it for me and a couple other friends. I love the reaction from the true Texas lovers. This place sux. Its hot and nobody knows how to drive. Fuck U Texas. And yes I would wear that shirt proudly down the street.

Chris  05/30/07 3:19 am
I didn't know retards knew how to send e-mails...

You learn something new every day!

brian  05/30/07 5:34 am
lmao, i live in Texas, and i would proudly wear that shirt. I don't know why, but allot of people in Texas are overly "Texas patriotic". It's as if someone flew a plane into the Alamo and now everyone is waveing their Texas flag. lol

Oh and by the way, the picture of the retard holding budlight is a little off, he should be holding a Lone Star beer. Any true redneck from texas drinks nothing but Lone Star Beer lmao yes it is a real beer...and it also tastes like ass...worse then bud/miller light
peace bitches

Jesus  05/30/07 7:56 am
Wow,that is one angry lez.I love her though.

nix  05/30/07 9:14 am
i hope that stupid american never leaves his inbreeding backyard.....

Big J  05/30/07 9:15 am
Hey Lance, maybe you can post your real address so us Americans who _aren't_ complete fuckwits (and actually bear a semblance of intelligence) can beat a sense of humor into you. Fag.

Rick  05/30/07 9:34 am
Well I live in Austin Texas and I wear the hell out of my shirt fucking idiots...that's also why im an OU fan...Boomer Sooner..

devo  05/30/07 9:47 am
Ain't nothing but steers and queers in texas. and they can all fuck each others assholes!!!

Iman Azol  05/30/07 10:31 am
Rick: How do you wear a shirt-fucking idiot?

devil don  05/30/07 10:32 am
This is the same Texas that has that bermuda triangle of child killers, right? What is it about Tejas that makes mothers want to hang, shoot, drown, stone and dismember their children? Oh, yeah. So they don't grow up to be like Lance.

ElectroPig Von FuklenGruven  05/30/07 10:40 am
Lance? You missed "Lance!" I mean, you KNOW that anyone REALLY from Texas was NEVER named "Lance!" That's a poncy little name from L.A. given to poor unsuspecting children of people named "Buffy" and "Mimsy" and such...guess that explains why there was no "ass kicking" in his initial bitchmail... d;^)

SYOH  05/30/07 10:46 am
If he saw the shirt on someone in public and not on the website while he was wasting his already worthless time...how did he know where to go bitch about it??

Lance IS a Butt Pirate!!!  05/30/07 11:07 am
LANCE, you faggot pussy! You are threatening to kick the ass of an annonymous 'Entity' (you go 'girl'), over the internet?? Know how I know you're gay? 'Cause you think you can kick ANYONES ass from your wheelchair, let alone Cyber-Ass,DICK! Put your full address up in the comment box, you fucking flaming pipesmoker, so that WE can come by and 'midget-toss' your crippled ass over the five broken down cars in your front yard, over your drunk whore mother, into the piss and shit filled puddle that you classy folk call your Swimmin' pool! Queer! Oh, everyone Help, Lance might kick my ass, i'm so scared......help, he's faster than I thought, he turbo-charged the motor on his off-road gimp-ride....

Ann  05/30/07 11:31 am
Lance, before you set out on your crusade to defend the intelligence of Texans, perhaps you should have brushed up on your grammar skills!! DUH!!!

Annie  05/30/07 11:50 am
Yahoo. You go girl. Give 'em hell. There's nothing more obnoxious than an addle-brained Texan who thinks Texas is an entity unto itself and an entire country separated from the whole US of A. Lance probably has never stepped across the border of Texas and is probably frightened to death to do this because someone with intelligence might beat him at a game of wits. I've lived in Texas for three years and I've encountered so many people like Lance that I could puke. I even have a top ten list of why I can never become a true Texan. 10) I don't have big hair. 9) I don't smoke cigarettes. 8) I have all my teeth. 7) I don't drink anything with the name "bud" on the label. 6) I don't drive a pickup truck. 5) I don't think "muddin" is a great form of entertainment. 4) I don't have "Bubba" tattooed anywhere on my body. 3) I have a three digit IQ. 2) My father is not my uncle. And the number one reason I'll never be a real Texan.......1) God has NEVER told me to drown my children in a bathtub, stone my children to death or hang them by the neck in a closet. (Hey, do you think I've finally come up with a good T-shirt? You don't like any of my other ideas).

HeatherMOTHERFUCKER  05/30/07 11:56 am
Fuckin hilarious

Annie  05/30/07 11:58 am
P.S. I just checked the Don't Mess With Texas T-shirt that Lance was whining about. All I can say is that is one funny fucking T-shirt. No wonder Lance got his panties all in a bunch. But my main question is who did Lance get to read the T-shirt to him? Because, from the content of his whiney-assed E-mail, we all know he is illiterate. He cannot even spell the words probably or office.

AzSteveO  05/30/07 12:30 pm
Gotta LOVE Texas....Were Men are Men and the cows, well, most are related to the men.
Amen brother..Pass the Ammunition

Billy-bob  05/30/07 1:06 pm
I think you're all a bunch of ass-tards. Eat me, breeders!

Aaron  05/30/07 3:11 pm
Lets just say i've been to texas and it wasn't worth saving from the mexicans. Hell since we did now we have to deal with people like lance here.

Amy  05/30/07 3:47 pm
The Texas shirt is hilarious because, sadly, it's fucking true. I wish I had the cash to get one :(

Siouxsan  05/30/07 5:42 pm
They aren't retarded in Texas, they kill retards in the chair...BIG difference!! HUGE!! LOL

satan  05/30/07 6:14 pm
doesnt that other famous guy named lance have like only 1 testicle or something? so lance, go get some testicles and learn how to bash something without swearing. it makes you look like a stupid texan... oh wait...

Billy the Dik  05/30/07 8:51 pm
Down here in Texas we're so big, bad, and sure of our bigness and badness that a t-shirt can make us about as rational as a graham cracker. Don't you dare make fun of us shit heels! Ever see a cow-fucker cry? Not purtee!

jonfookin'rambo  05/30/07 9:28 pm
i have never been to texas, there used to be a texaco garage down the road from me mams like. it sold stale benson and hedges. so for this reason, and this reason alone fuck the lot of yous doyles. and if anyone of you knobjockeys wants a kickin get yourself down to the fairfield pub, stockton on tees, in the uk, ask for jonny rambo and i'll tel yers i don't fucking na what yers fuckin on about and yers can fuck off (boom- wasted journey, large carbon footprint etc etc). now get back to policing the world you miserable twats. and as the fucking shirt says vote next time you hippie pricks. for fucks sake.... or i'll set me fuckin goldfish on yers. up the boro!!!

I don't even say "y'all."  05/30/07 9:40 pm
I'm from Texas, and I was absolutely flattered that our state was mentioned in one of your shirts. A really damn funny one, too! I'm not a stereotypical Texan, but neither is this guy who has NO sense of humor. Hate mail like this must make you feel good. The shirt works. And the bit about the mechanical bulls in churches - priceless!

Caroline  05/30/07 11:37 pm
Well, "probabley" and "ofice" have already been addressed, so I'll leave that issue alone. :-P I was born, raised, and still live in Texas, and I love it. But I totally agree with this shirt, there are a LOT of fucking morons here in TX. Then again, no other state can really say that they DON'T have a plethora of retards. This is America; it's who we are, sadly... By the way, most Texans I know, even the inbred, backwoods hicks, would laugh at that shirt... and the ones who would truly get pissed off (and threaten an ass-kicking) PROBABLY CAN'T READ!

Gary  05/31/07 5:30 am
Why do fags refer to straights as "breeders"? Don't they realize by that piece of logic they become "evolutionary dead-ends"?

Liz D-M  05/31/07 8:34 am
"Don't mess with Texas"? Texas IS messed up - home of Dubya and baby-killing mommas.

All The Rage  05/31/07 11:36 am
The US has plenty of states that are nearly entirely full of stupid people. Texas sets itself apart by being so agressively stupid and PROUD of it.

cancerbutt  05/31/07 12:58 pm
my fellow americans...sorry about him. we aren't all like that. i hate nascar, country music, horses (except in my dogfood) (not MINE, my dogs.) lone star beer (it makes your poop runny), cheetos, mountain dew, and mexicans. but i love texas women. (the slutty ones)

Z  05/31/07 1:09 pm
lol! Irony, plz.

Kerfuffle  05/31/07 1:35 pm
Q: Why is New Mexico so fucking dry?
A: Because Texas sucks!
(And so do us slutty Texans!!! Slurp, slurp!)

matty  05/31/07 1:53 pm
god that response was beautiful.

Joey  05/31/07 4:28 pm
Well I know people think Texas is redneck but how come there are 56 Fortune 500 companies here, thats more than California and New York, not to mention that Texas has the 2nd largest Gross State Product of 1.08 trillion. I do think there are stupid people here who do rant too much and dont have a sense of humor, but I do believe that Texas is a cool place and if anyone doesn't think so they are welcome to leave....

Bill  05/31/07 6:33 pm
Did you also know that texas is the fattest state in the U.S., which is quickly becoming the fattest nation in the world...

Word  05/31/07 6:45 pm
I'm out of Texas and proudly where said shirt, no one messes with me bout it. Prints too small for a normal texan to catch. They only see the "Don't mess with Texas", so yeah. Anyways my favorite thing about the shirt is that its colored outside the lines....

Ash  05/31/07 9:10 pm
I love that fucking shirt!

Don  05/31/07 10:26 pm
I can't stand Texas, and OklaHOMO isn't any better. bunch of bible beatin' yokels

Joey  05/31/07 10:55 pm
Actually Bill, The fattest state in the United States is Mississippi along with Louisiana and West Virginia...you might wanna check your facts before you start spewing fake ones....

AWESOME  06/01/07 12:47 am
Legendary. Just completely legendary.

Joe T.  06/01/07 12:42 pm
Hey Lance, did you see this guy in your bathroom? That was a mirror you moron!

Derek  06/01/07 5:16 pm
i live in texas and i find that shirt REALLY fucking funny. but i have to say to all you fucktards (non-texans) who say shit like "i want a shirt that says FUCK TEXAS" that.. well. you're fucktarded. :)

Marker  06/01/07 7:05 pm
You are right Lance, dumb shirt. It should have read " Don't Bother With Texas". Now stop your whining or we'll get Alaska to split in two and make Texas the third largest state in the union you friggin Texican.

Kevin  06/01/07 7:16 pm
I wear that shirt in public all the time. It's one of the funniest and truest.

Nimrod  06/01/07 10:13 pm
Do you mean the other guy in the bathroom with him or was he really looking in the mirror?

Peter  06/01/07 11:41 pm
I feel for you lance....I know the retards are close and they touch you in ways you don't like, but you have to respect your family...don't push them away. Show me where they touch you, it's OK...just point to the doll,we don't have to tell anyone, just sit in my lap and wiggle. Let me tell you a story, a story where the brown man rises up and leaves america, where your economy collapses and you have to mow your own grass. A new country rises up when you are done pissing yourself and whining about shirts Meximarica or Mexas .....yessss Mexas....sounds nice, like blood on plastic.... the rustle of the ropes and the snapping of tendons as you force the victim into the dufflebags, hot damp dufflebags that you painted inside with water sealer three days ago so you wouldn't get blood in the trunk of your pinto.

Carly  06/02/07 6:49 pm
Wow. I can't believe how many unfunny Texas stereotypes I just read. We really need to invent some new ones. "Texas are stupid, Republican cow-fuckers that watch NASCAR

California Love  06/04/07 3:17 pm
Nothing is worse than a Texas American, so I bought the shirt for my Down Syndrome sister living in California!!

violenceisfun  06/07/07 6:46 am
I'll wear that shirt in front of hime while cornholin his sister, then make him clean it up! What a fake ass bitch

hey zeus  06/08/07 2:53 am
I live in Texas and that shirt has been on my wish list since the day it came out. I wish I knew where this guy lived so I could go knock on his door wearing that. I'm about 5'3" 120 pounds and cute as a button if I try real hard so I'd like to see him try to kick my ass!

FACT  06/14/07 12:24 am
The phrase Donít Mess with Texas is a slogan for the Texas Department of Transportation, and was developed to reduce littering on Texas roadways used as part of a statewide advertising campaign in 1986. The slogan was created by the Austin-based advertising agency GSD&M, which handled the campaign until 1998.
The phrase was prominently shown on road signs on major highways, as well as in television, radio and print advertisements. The campaign is credited with reducing litter on Texas highways 72% between 1986 and 1990.[1]
More than its immediate success at reducing litter, however, the slogan became a Texas cultural phenomenon and the slogan has been appropriated by the citizens of Texas for general use. Though it appears on countless items of tourist paraphernalia, the phrase is actually a federally registered trademark; the department has tried at times to enforce its trademark rights, with limited success. The slogan is a frequently cited example of Texan cultural elitism.
Twenty years after its introduction, the success and popularity of "Donít Mess with Texas" has earned it a spot among the best advertising slogans ever. "Donít Mess with Texas" has been awarded a plaque on the Madison Avenue Walk of Fame and a place in the Advertising Hall of Fame, a distinction given to only two slogans annually.[2]
Donít Mess with Texas is also the official motto of the Virginia-class submarine USS Texas.

AJAX  06/18/07 5:01 pm
WHAT A GOUCHE FACE... EVERYONE KNOWS TEXAS iS A HUGE WASTE OF SPACE.
DUH.

Egon  06/11/09 7:16 am
hahahah this guy is just confirming the stereotype that he and his kind are providing.... funny shit how people whose mother tongue is english, are worse at spelling/grammar than foreigners whose english has been taught entirely by bad 90s sitcoms...


does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Message-----

From: Melissa
Sent: Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Stop reading.  Make me a sandwich.Recently I saw a friend of mine wearing your 'I should be in the kitchen' shirt. I was appalled that a fellow female would wear such trash that is designed to degrade and debase our entire gender. It's just embarrassing and as long as people like you keep making this crap, men and women will never be considered equal. I wish you'd understand that you're not simply selling a silly shirt. You're helping keep down our entire sex.

Editor's Note: That's an awfully long email for someone that should be getting her husband's dinner ready.

Seriously though, thanks for sticking up for the gender. While the rest of us have become increasingly subjugated and acquired what male chauvinists refer to as a "sense of humor," women like you have been fighting the illogical fight and done their best to make sure that we never laugh about our struggle, just wallow in it.

Kudos to you, Melissa. You're like Susan B. Anthony and Wonder Woman all rolled into one. You know, if they were both PMSing. (Whoa...why does that turn me on?)

Comments (58) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Allison  05/29/07 9:28 pm
I wore that same shirt to my UNIVERSITY, you know, where people are supposed to be smart and educated, and no one said they were offended. People found the irony and thought it was quite funny. You're dumb if you take that shirt seriously.

Steven  05/29/07 11:14 pm
Well said Allison. As Tucker Max would say if they can't take a joke, fuck them.

Alice  05/29/07 11:15 pm
Phbt, everyone I know loves that shirt. It's fuckin' awesome. Bra-burning feminists have no sense of humour, damn.

Ben  05/29/07 11:49 pm
I can't help but notice two female names here. Do you two have a computer in the kitchen or laundry?

Robyn  05/30/07 12:16 am
now should we seriously and physically fuck them if they cant take a joke? or sould i just stick to the dishes?

Alex  05/30/07 12:52 am
It's actually people like you who go up in arms over a joke that bring down your own sex, not the one's making a joke. And if you think a joke has the power to do anything other than make someone laugh or not, then your an idiot

Christine  05/30/07 3:15 am
Why do women have legs?

So they don't leave a cum trail from the kitchen to the bedroom.

Del  05/30/07 7:12 am
Got the shirt. Loving it. Feminists usually stink, literally, even.

anders  05/30/07 7:38 am
Man, thereís a lot of people out there who donít get the concept of irony .. Lot of stupid people. My best friend is mulatto and I got him the "white flour"-shirt for his birthday. He practically wears it every day. He even considered tattooing a swastika on his arm. The wierd thing is only white blonde chicks react to it, saying he shouldn't wear it, it degrades YOUR RACE and so on. But itís no wonder really. Imagine how stupid the average American is. Now half ofíem are even stupider than that!

Iman Azol  05/30/07 10:35 am
Why do women have smaller feet than men?

Evolution, so they can stand closer to the sink.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told the bitch twice already.

Blone in L.A.  05/30/07 11:28 am
Melissa, in misguided idealistic world of equality, it is loud-mouthed cunts like you that actually perpetuate the struggle. WE, females, are NOT equal and will NEVER be, you dumb douche! Quite your fucking job, and be a good little breeder, stay home with your Columbine aspiring progeney, as you SHOULD do, instead of relying on the t.v., the internet and chat buddy pedophiles to babysit your unruly, Ted Kazinsky, suicidal monsters. YOU, give manufacturers of progeny a BAD NAME! Your poor husband, the good man that he is takes care of you and your off-spring, yet what do you do? Typical pre-menopausal virago that you are, you whinge and moan about equality, yet to sorry bastard is sexually deprived AND worn down from all the toxic sludge that spews from your angry gullet. Don't forget that he is repulsed by your post-birth cellulite, saggy tits and daggy clothes, and your egregious laziness. Go work-out you fat assed house frau! Take care of your man, HIS home and your vile little vermin. If you didn't contribute to the over population of this world, then shut the fuck up, start your own company, make lots of money to empower women, rather than expending your energy and meager little mind, regurgitating Gloria Steinam crap all over us, but offering no viable path, nor CREATING a means of being considered equal....which again, we aren't and never will be. DIKE!

HeatherMOTHERFUCKER  05/30/07 12:00 pm
Really? Why do people try to be funny? And I am talking about the comments not the letter. I honesly have not cracked even a smirk reading anything that these retards have written.

Justin  05/30/07 12:09 pm
Stop trivialising the struggle of feminists by making out they are stupid fucking humourles cunts.

islandmonk  05/30/07 2:35 pm
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they stink.

Why was Helen Keller a terrible driver?
Because she was a woman.

Now go make me some pie.

f  05/30/07 3:04 pm
Melissa,
A sense of humor is always a good thing, not to mention some common sense. I mean seriously what other stupid shit do you get that revved about!

Amby  05/30/07 4:03 pm
Why do people think that there is equality between ANY two people? There's not, and people should stop thinking that there ever will be. People only pretend to treat you like an equal until they get caught. Then they either have to pay you off or ignore you, depending on the situation. It's better to laugh than to yell about it. The shirt is funny. I'm a female and I find no offense here. The shirts are suppose to make you laugh. If it were there to be derrogatory then every one would be offended. IT'S NOT THOUGH! Find the humour in it and laugh and if you can't then it must really be sad to be you.

John  05/30/07 4:11 pm
Melissa, its called freedom of speach. the protections this shirt has are the same protections you have to run your stupid ass mouth off. if you really had a problem then go to the individual wearing the shirt, stop hiding behind an email

Josh  05/30/07 4:46 pm
Men and women are NOT equal. We are all made for two reasons. Feed and Fu*k. Thats the human race in a nut shell.

Siouxsan  05/30/07 5:37 pm
Look, I am a feminist and I bought the shirt...lol..because I have a sense of humor. I loved the irony and wear it alot!! You need some dick you trifling bitch!!!

Don of the Dead  05/30/07 6:09 pm
Why is that bitch writing a letter instead of in the kitchen making me dinner?
And for that matter, who taught her to write?

Dave Ike  05/30/07 7:00 pm
Wow, Melissa, you express yourself well. I'm sorry that other's didn't get your point. It's important to respect others opinions. I'd like to talk to you off the board sometime - my email is bugsike2000@yahoo.com. I look forward to discussing some of the real issues women face today.
Um - do you swallow?

Luggruff  05/30/07 8:24 pm
How can one try to fight for equality between genders, when the one has a penis and the other has breasts? The simple logic is that we can never be equal, if we don't start to balance our hormones to an equal center. And you feminist could start with teaching your little daughters how to take a hit instead of wearing makeup, then we might have equally strong girls and boys too.. and hitting a PERSON is wrong. Not as it is today, where hitting a girl is wrong and hitting a guy is considered "ok" just because "he can take it". Guys can be weak too, just as girls can be strong. Logic 101. Fucking pussies.

Illusion  05/30/07 8:59 pm
Guys, stop trying to make funny comments. Your jokes are so lame.

Billy the Dik  05/30/07 9:13 pm
The fact is, people who bury themselves in their own Identity and call it politics are the ones who are preventing progress. You can root for your school sports team, The Door Knobs, you can root for a NFL team but you've still only "grown" in your retardation. You can be proud to be a Texan and take offense if somebody notices that you protest too much against the sad truth about Texans, or you can really grow up and consider yourself an Earthling. Try supporting the human rights of a group you don't belong to, then maybe you and others can begin to give a shit about your puny little reason to wake up in the morning

Jackie  05/30/07 11:04 pm
That's my favorite shirt. And I'm female, and I hate feminists like you. You sicken me lady. Women are pretty damn close to equaliy and need to get over themselves. If you are being oppressed, it's probably the fault of your stupidity.

Harl124  05/31/07 1:21 am
Fuckwit!

Citizen  05/31/07 1:54 am
Melissa,

Your burqua is obviously not fitted properly.

Btw, Have you met Lance from Texas? You two might get along great, Although you may annoy each other tremendously and that would be fine also.

Koneko  05/31/07 2:09 am
You're prolly one of those lesbo feminists that are only lesbo feminist because no male will pay attention to you. One of these days some desperate male will marry you and then you can get back to cooking dinner rather than wasting time on the internet. Now excuse me, I've got to put the laundry from the washer into the dryer.

Mark  05/31/07 4:05 am
My wife wants me to buy that shirt for her

Peeet  05/31/07 6:59 am
Why shouldn't you buy a woman a watch for a gift?

BRAVEHEART  05/31/07 7:08 am
Hiya, just wanted to say - keep the comments coming thick & fast cos I'm loving them. They do so cheer me up as the weather here in Bonnie Scotland is bloody miserable at the moment. Love the site, love the t-shirts & love the comments. Thanx.

Liz D-M  05/31/07 8:30 am
Freakin' waaaahhh, Melissa, get a goddamn sense of humor!

Vilhelm the Dark  05/31/07 10:06 am
The shirt says its not nice to pick on retards... why did feminism sprout up? i think everyone outside of texas should buy this shirt and then we can all go to texas and see if we

PussyGalore  05/31/07 10:21 am
As a woman, I will never be equal to a man, nor would I try. It would be such a step DOWNWARDS - might as well try being "equal" to a monkey. Comedy is based on absurdity and that shirt rules!

Jenn  05/31/07 10:33 am
Stupid bitch...ITS FUNNY. get over it.

Peter B.  05/31/07 10:47 am
If keeping a woman down means on her knees, then I'm all for it. I want a young, dumb, blonde nymphomaniac.

Jesus Christ  05/31/07 1:09 pm
Personally I think we should all live in perfect harmony, like we did in the old days.
Chicks looked after us and the kids, killed/reaped/ cooked the food, cleaned, did everything, and if they spoke out of turn, we stoned them. HAHAHA Good times!!
Don't teach them anything, reading, writing, hand to hand combat, advanced algebra, Nothing! and we will all be much better off.
Just look out for those fucking big nosed bastards!

Kip  05/31/07 2:23 pm
Q. What do 1,000,000 battered women have in common?

Kerfuffle  05/31/07 2:46 pm
Oh, Melissa --- you retarded bitch. Stop drinking the douche honey; it goes in the other end. Jesus, where is your mother? Someone was supposed to explain all of this shit to you. Youíre stupidity has made me appreciate my mother yet again, for you see, she knew her place in this world (in the kitchen or on her knees Ö or both) and she made damn sure she passed every nugget of wisdom on to me so I would too. One day I asked her: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" She rolled her eyes and replied, "All household appliances come in white." I guess your mom just didnít love you like mine did.

Doofy  05/31/07 3:20 pm
WHO'S fault is it for the shirt being worn??? T-Shirt hell's or the stupid bitch's? Of course it's the bitch's fault... Sorry the gal wearing it wasn't a bitch cause she had a sense of humor. The cunt who wrote the complaint is the stupid bitch.
BITCH

Kerfuffle  05/31/07 4:14 pm
Oh Kip, the suspense youíve created is honestly just killing us all Ė please, allow me. Is it because women just don't fucking listen?

Christ, I need a jackasspirin now Ė let me spoon feed that to you like a toddler so you can understand. A jackasspirin relieves headaches caused by ignorant chesticles (such as yourself), who aren't capable of making an old joke entertaining again.

Doc Dave  05/31/07 10:40 pm
I am pretty sure Melissa killed herself about 10 comments ago. If so I thank her for adding chlorine to the human gene pool.

poop in the shed  06/01/07 12:30 am
melissa says "you're helping keep down our entire sex." maybe if you worked harder on keeping down your man's "entire sex" you would be less bitchy and judgemental of others. and if you are single (which you probably are), maybe you could pound a roll of .50 cent pieces in your ass. it really helps relieve stress. trust me....i know. JOKE: what is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? a washing machine does not follow you around after you dump your load in it.

Dean Redmond  06/01/07 12:43 am
well she had to visit your site to be shure that you sold that shirt. so if she was so appaled she has the choice to log off and not support your site. and if she dosent like your site she should stay off of it and get back in the kitchen. or go to the bedroom and make her husband happy.

idonthaveafuckingname  06/01/07 2:04 am
Yeah and woman's suffrage was the part where they got to sit at home and enjoy the benefits of the work men had to do. Yep that would be suffrage ......

SteverB  06/01/07 7:02 am
"I wish you'd understand that you're not simply selling a silly shirt. You're helping keep down our entire sex."

SteverB  06/01/07 7:03 am
"I wish you'd understand that you're not simply selling a silly shirt. You're helping keep down our entire sex."

Yeah, and votefortheworse.com kept Sanjaya in the competition -- grow up, you silly bitch - a t-shirt website is NOT keeping down an entire sex.

Joe T  06/01/07 12:46 pm
I say kudos to YOU T-shirt Hell. You are helping keep down the entire female sex. What self respecting man wants his woman bringing home as much money as he does. Keep up the great work!

mafia_ninja  06/01/07 5:27 pm
Bitch, get in the kitchen, and make me some PIE!!!

MopTop  06/01/07 10:16 pm
A great line from Mind of Mencia" If you can take a dick, you can take a joke" lol

bethany  06/02/07 9:32 am
I like that shirt, I think I may buy it!

Carley  06/02/07 2:26 pm
So Melissa does this mean you are no longer friends w/ this friend who wore this shirt?

Dave  06/03/07 9:48 pm
Well Melissa, I gues you want to get out of the kitchen and get a job where you have to work. Then you'll want to take a job away from a man who is trying to support his own wife and children. And you won't be satisfied then. Next you'll want equal pay. Now think about it, if we gave women jobs and equal pay, They'd have half the money and ALL the pussy. How is that fair?

ManDownUnder  06/04/07 4:47 am
Alright, now this might be a little far fetched, but maybe darlin' you should go into the nearest sex shop, buy a big dildo and go and fuck yourself with it. Or better yet, shove it in your mouth so we don't have to listen to your complete and utter crap! Women like you need to understand how a woman or a girl is born. See in reality all babies are born male, now when smacked on the arse, all those babies whose dicks fall off become women, because honey if you can't handle a little smack as a kid, what makes you think you deserve a dick? You need to accept the fact that you were meant to be a woman, and that you will never ever be equal with us men.

All women do is screw things up for the rest of us. Thats why you can't do the things we do, or have the jobs we have....because you physically lack the brain power to do so! Now i suggest you go and look on ebay or your nearest bookstore for "The Dummies Guide to Cooking" and learn to shut the fuck up and do as your told. Really it's quite simple! Do as your told when your told, and you'll live a happy long life. If you don't do as your told, well....you'll end up with some chick's thrush infested pussy on your face every night for the rest of your life, because the pair of you don't know how to comprehend the power of the penis.

If you want to see what women are and should be like, come to Australia. Our women know their place, and those that don't, they go to the USA.

Beautiful Bitch  06/04/07 5:59 am
I know women are superior, and yet have no problem with the shirt.A tshirt is never going to get me in the kitchen, or my men off their knees lol. Its a tshirt hun, thats it, aint going to change the world or the thoughts of the educated.

lyssa  06/06/07 11:54 pm
I have to agree with Melissa here. I really like a lot of your shirts, but I think some, like this one just go too far. I'm not offended just because I'm a chick. I can take a joke. I just really don't like that anyone would ever suggest something so degrading, even in a funny way. It's not right. By advertising that shirt, you basically just took a gallon-size milkjug of piss and dumped it on the entire female gender.

The Chasm Of Hell  06/09/07 3:18 am
Wow. reading this almost gave me a hard on. But i'm not into stupid people like melissa, so after this i'll hit up Hilary Clinton for some phone sex, wipe my chest off, and go to sleep. Even if a woman was to wear this shirt. this bitch thinks her friend is going to go out of her way to make sure women cater to a mans every whim. I highly doubt this woman who has somewhat a sense of humor will grab a soapbox and preach like a nigga in church yelling " DEGRADE ME RAPE ME AND BEAT ME, I'M ONLY WOMAN!!! Till then melissa I'll see that when women do fall under, you'll be in my thoughts.

Chains  06/12/07 9:34 pm
bad selection, cheezy shirts, and retarded high school drop out "editors". lmao, your "newsletter" is a joke.


divided we fall

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