06/04/04

June is busting out all over. Not unlike Jessica Simpson. That bitch is
everywhere. I swear they must have made at least a dozen of her at the
moron factory. But, June is here, and brings with it the June gloom, where
the days are as bright as... Jessica Simpson. Still, I'd tap that ass in a
heartbeat. And then right on down the line, Marge, Lisa, Bart, Homer-
but not Maggie. I think her best years are behind her.

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NEW SHIRTS FOR YOU SHIRTS
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Love is in the air. And where there's love, there's usually drippy puddles
of fluid. And what better way to clean them up then with a new shirt? Five
new shirts full of fun. And if you're God's gift to women, or God's gift to
men, you're in luck.

All of our new shirts are here:
http://www.tshirthell.com/newshirt319.htm

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LIMITED EDITION SHIRTS ARE BACK
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Nothing good lasts forever- except, for here at T-Shirt Hell. We are always
removing old shirts to make room for new ones. We are constantly getting
emails from people begging for shirts that we haven't made in years. So we
decided to do something about it (even though it will cut drastically into
Bob's masturbation time). If you can not live without one of our shirts
that is no longer in production, we will custom print one just for you.
Who's better than T-Shirt Hell?

To see all of the Limited Edition shirts that are available again, for the
first time

click here: http://www.tshirthell.com/limitededition.shtml

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VOTE T-SHIRT HELL IN 2004
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We lose 3,000 on 9/11. The wtc was bombed in 93. And to this day, while 1/5
of our children don't eat, we let MORE AND MORE GOD DAMN PEOPLE
INTO THIS COUNTRY.

Can we take a 1 year break, please? Maybe we can redesign the Statue of
Liberty to stick out her middle finger.

Can we please just have time to figure out how to catch the next Atta,
instead of giving 4 more, just like him, a fucking scholarship? Does Gunther
Gigglepuss and Jean Luc Magnifique and Ashrar Hal-Al Haziz Jacobs need to
come to this country for us to survive? That's enough. No more...unless they
are hot chicks or make cool movies or can hit a baseball.

Fuck 'em all. Go to Cuba or the Bahamas. Get a tan. leave us alone until we
figure out how to weed out the current dickheads. Then we take every
criminal, pedophile and ugly person on a ship to the moon. One way ticket.
Then we'll have more vacancies. And we should charge a $200 'fuck you' fee
for every new citizen that will go to every poor embarrassed white person,
because if you are white in this country, you shouldn't be poor. If you are,
you are a douchy douchy doo and should be ashamed.

Another thing: revamp the Ghetto. Take all the low level degenerates who
piss in the elevator and sell drugs or sit on the stoop all day and tell
them they are going on vacation. Put them on ships and send them to the
gulags. Then, take the shitty run down buildings and KFCs and pawn shops
and let little arab boys blow them up so they finally get it out of their
system. Then send them to the gulags, just in case they enjoy blowing shit
up. I bet they will. You know how they are.

Then turn them into a Disneyworld. The Ghettos, not the arabs. Pay
attention.

The ghetto folk who were at least working can work there AND live there.
Hey, you get paid to LIVE in an amusement park, the MAN ain't so bad now,
ain't that right, chocolate shizzle?

Now, about the rest of the world: I think they suck. But I don't want to dr
op nukes because then people will cry and complain and piss me off and waste
my valuable masturbating/golf time. I can't have that. So what we do instead
is drop big loads of dog shit and piss on them and say "hahahaha". If they
don't like it, we drop bombs and say "Hey, is this better?" If they
complain, then we turn their countries into parking lots. My spoiled white
daughter can drive her Maserati there and I feel it's for the best anyway.
Besides, if God didn't want me to turn their country into rubble, he would
have just told me.

Now that the other countries are out of the way, I can focus on domestic
affairs. First, health care. I am healthy, and I don't care about you. As
for the economy, with less chocolate shizzles and two toothed, white, shit
kicking hicks (Oh, I forgot, we turn them into wonder bread to feed the poor
around the world), we have more money to go around...for my white corporate
buddies. And some for you, too.

So now that the economy and healthcare are taken care of. There is one more
domestic affair I must put all my attention on. Who will I fuck when my
wife isn't home? I am thinking of having a few interns. But not chubby ones,
god damnit, of course not. What kind of a person do you think I am?

Vote T-Shirt Hell in 2004!

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INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF HATE MAIL
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----- Original Message -----
From: "Xavier"
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2004 4:49 AM
Subject: RE: T-Shirt Hell End of May Newsletter

Je me fend d'une réponse "en français" ça te fera sortir un dictionnaire,
et ça te fera pas de mal de voir qu'il existe autre chose à côté de chez
toi!!!!D'abord je ne sais pas comment des gens comme TOI ont eu mon
adresse e.mail, ça m'éclate de lire des conneries pareils, je vois que les
mentalités évoluent difficilement et ça c'est vraiment triste... En 2004,
pauvre type, tu prônes publiquement le droit à la torture !?!?! Et tu veux
"extraire" les afro-américains de leur pays natal, si j'ai bien saisi le
contenu de ton mail ?????
En Europe, il y a 60 ans environ, ce genre d'ânerie a conduit à une guerre
exterminatrice contre le peuple juif... (Relis tes cours d'histoire si t'en
as eu...un jour...) C'est ce que j'appelle du raciste primaire et celà me
dégoute profondément!!!!
Merci de ne plus m'envoyer de mails pour me vendre tes pulls ou T-shirts à
la con et me cracher ton venin en pleine tête !! Je suis sûr que tu ne sais
même pas où situer l'Irak sur un planisphère!!! Espèce d'ignare et d'inculte
ricain au fin fond de ton ranch au texas !!! (je ne dois pas être loin de
cette petite caricature...à mon avis) Salut gros con, va manger un MAC-DO
ça ira mieux....

(Editor's Note: While I don't personally speak French, I'm rich enough to
own someone who does. Don't bother to get out your dictionary to translate
this classic, cowardly, diatribe from someone who clearly does not
understand English very well, but is not going to let that stop them from
giving their opinion. Xavier, I know you're mad that we took out Saddam
before your people had a chance to surrender to him, but I'm sure you'll
find somebody else.. And yes, I'll be sitting back, enjoying my Big Mac on
my ranch in Texas while you're working for tips giving hand jobs in the
men's room at EuroDisney.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: "theresa"
Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2004 7:25 AM
Subject: cancel order immediately

I allowed my daughter to use my credit card to order two shirts, and right
after she did, i asked her what they said. She is absolutely not allowed
to own or wear either of the tshirts, so I need my card credited back, if
you took it out, and if you didn't cancel the order please, immediately.

mastercard
53469860067923350
exp 10-06

Thank you

(Editor's Note: Theresa, if your daughter has a healthy interest in clown
rape, I don't think you should discourage her. Of course these are the
types of things one might want to discuss BEFORE giving out your credit
card information. Seriously, Theresa J. Stewart, you shouldn't leave that
information just lying around. )

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----- Original Message -----
From: Mental***@aol.com
Sent: Sunday, May 16, 2004 9:29 PM
Subject: abu ghraib t-shirt

political satire is funny. i may go so far as to say your abu ghraib
t-shirt is "fair" political satire. however. just as "lolita" is good art,
i don't think it's essence would be captured by a t-shirt showing a full
grown man fucking a little girl. the t-shirt is often a good vehicle for
comically offensive statements, but this particular shirt is hardly witty
and clearly took little thought on the creator's part. are you confused,
shirtferbrains? torture, humiliation, and foreign cocks don't always add up
to laugh laughs. and hopefully, they won't add up to $ $ for t-shirthell.

fondly,

sam

(Editor's Note: Torture, humiliation, and foreign cocks don't always add up
to laugh laughs? Since when? You know as soon as the heat dies down
they'll be showing this stuff on America's Funniest Home Videos. And Sam,
we've made more money from the Abu Ghraib shirt than you father made
during his entire tranny hooker career

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----- Original Message -----
From: "joshua "
Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 12:57 AM
Subject: i just have to say something!!

i dont know if there is any way you guys can perhaps work this topic into a
shirt, but i have a bitch to make. what is with all the media hype over the
iraqi prisoner pictures. how come nobody hears about the things those
fucking sand niggers did to us. i just got back from iraq, and nobody back
in the states heard about the sergeant that was yanked from his hummer by
worthless towel heads, beat to a pulp, stripped naked, and crusified on the
side of abuilding; only to be found dead the next day. or what about the
muther fuckers that made those american soldiers kneel down, so they could
be exicuted in the back of the head! the list goes on and on, and this is
all shit that happened within the first 3 months of the war. Americans are
so fucked up!! why the fuck do they care about how those fucking skumbags
are treated!! If those iraqi fags could get their hands on any american
(soldier or civilian), they would do much worse than take a couple dirty
pictures. all i have to say is, if americans are so fucking concerned about
iraq, they should leave this beautiful land and move to that shithole
sandbox!! besides, it would drop the unemployment rate! thanks for listening
to my bitch; i'm just so fucking tired of all the hype. all those sand niggers
need to die!

LETS NUKE THE ENTIRE MIDDLE FUCKING EAST AND MAKE A
GIANT PARKING LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Editor's Note: The preceding letter was included as a public service. We
are open to printing letters from any Iraqi terrorists who would care to
respond. But please, email only. We get enough Anthrax and explosives
already. Our mailboy only has 2 fingers left and breathes through a tube
just below his left nipple.)

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Peace Frog