06/15/03

(IT'S JUNE AND FHM MAGAZINE HAS NO BALLS)
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First, let us take a moment to show you these:
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When in Rome...smoke pot when the Romans do:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=227

Bring Back Slavery:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=228

Peaceful Babies, click here:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=226

Ok...now on to the really good shit...

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FHM Magazine sucks our 4 mile long dick:
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FHM Magazine (one of the largest Mens magazines in the
world) featured us in their July issue which is soon to hit a
stand near you. Now...you would probably think that we
would be grateful for such a wonderful coop...think again.

We are, after all, T-Shirt Hell.com and we do whatever
the hell we want...whenever we want. If we feel that
someone is a complete pussy, we let them know and we
don't care if we burn a bridge here and there. It's fun to
burn bridges. Fire is pretty. In fact...we hope we inspire
you to burn a few bridges of your own. Go...burn bridges
now, we insist (we even have matches).

Check out the story and why magazines like Maxim will
continue to kick FHM's poser asses until they finally hang
em up or grow some balls:

http://www.tshirthell.com/fhm.htm

You can even e-mail the losers at FHM to let them know
how cool you think they are:

letters@fhmus.com


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T-SHIRT HELL'S AFRICAN AMERICAN EMPLOYEE SAYS...
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Let me first say that I am a black man. A STRONG BLACK
MAN. Nothing and I mean nothing pisses me off more than
the odor of cotton. Cotton trousers, cotton slacks, cotton
v-necks, cotton candy. All of these items frustrate me, but
not like the invention of the Q-tip. This disgusts me to my
very black soul.

Imagine for a second, what it's like for me. Every time I stick
that cotton in my ear, I hear my ancestors kkkrying. To put it
in perspective for you white muthas, imagine wiping your ass
with an 18 wheel truck.

We wouldn't even have Q-tips if it wasn't for my ancestors and
I gotta stick that shit in my brain??? I've gone to the health
food store and tried Ear Candles, didn't work. I know that this
isn't entertaining, but maybe you'd be more entertained if I was
rappin on wax instead of bitchin' on it.

So take that wax outta your ear whitey but don't wipe it on my
heritage!

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T-SHIRT HELL'S UNCLE GARY SAYS...
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What is the deal with cheese? How did something like
cheese become accepted as a food when people are still
hesitant to eat something that looks significantly more
like other food sources, and obviously has quite a bit
of meat on it; like a dog, or a child?

Personally I like to eat children. You should try it if
you've never done it. I recommend eating them headfirst,
because if you start with the feet, they scream the whole
time.

But back to cheese. Now I'm not talking about good old
fashioned American cheese. This wholesome product with
its uniform orange colour, individually wrapped for
convenience and sanitation. Nor, am I talking about the
popular nacho cheese, which is dispensed conveniently, by
pump, from great, metal vats. Usually heated, it is
frequently served with some type of chip.

No, I'm talking about nasty, smelly cheese covered in dirt
or riddled with mold. Perfectly good milk left to congeal
and go rancid, in a cave, in France. I can only guess that
it started with some early Gallic version of Fear Factor
or a game of "I bet you won't eat that bug," that spiraled
horribly out of control.

Now I'm not saying we should hate the French for creating
cheese: certainly not solely for that reason. However,
now that we are a great civilization with well over 31
flavours of iced cream and Tivo, I believe it is time that
we stopped eating cheese. We should begin acting like the
great civilization that we are and eat more children, as
well as the occasional Terrier.

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T-SHIRT HELL'S SHORTEST JEW SAYS...
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The beltway was rumbling with the news that Christine
Whitman, former New Jersey Governor, and Bush
Administration EPA Chief, resigned from the EPA last week.
She said she had no problem with the current
administration, rather that she wanted to spend more time
with her husband in New Jersey.

Three lies in one sentence. That's economy of
communication. I can't tell which lie is bolder: that she
wants to spend more time in New Jersey, or that she wants
to spend more time with her husband? Isn't the point of
getting a cabinet appointment so you can leave your spouse
behind to get that fine beltway pussy? We all know Christi
loves the pussy, so what the fuck?

It has to be the administration's stance on the environment,
which has been formally outlined in the Bush-Cheney "Fuck
You, Environment" Plan to Clean the Environment to be
sparing at best. I wish good luck to Christi, who as I
understand it, will be opening up the Gestapo, ahem-excuse
me, Homeland Security District Office in Trenton. Go get
'em, tigress. Show those commie fruitcakes the meaning of
the word, "aloof".

-JEREMY JACOBS


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IDIOT MAIL
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----- Original Message -----
From: Steven ****
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2003 5:12 PM
Subject: How about doing something good for a change

Don't get me wrong guys, I'm all for free speech, but don't
you think you guys take it too far with all the stuff you
make fun of? I don't thnk your doing such a good job
making the world a more positive place. Or do you think
that making fun of the lord and using curses all the time
makes a positive statement to the young people paying
attention? How about you shut your mouths for once.

(editor's note: We do realize now that we are role models
for all the young kids who aspire to start their own screwed
up t-shirt companies and will make an effort to tone our
content down. For instance, the new shirt we were going to
put up next week with the slogan "Silly Wigger...Triggers are
for Niggers" has now been pulled.)

----- Original Message -----
From: Matty&Dar *******
Sent: Friday, May 30, 2003 12:45 PM
Subject: Re: question

you stupid fucking idiots... cant put USD by the FINAL price
even tho we chose canada as the country we live in? OHHH what
were we thinking, that EVERYTHING IS AMERICAN PRODUCED.
what idiots we are... you STUPID FUCKING YANKEES. being
such pricks to potential customers isnt exactly good for business
now is it? hae a nice day

(editor's note: What the fuck is Canada? That's not an actual
country is it?)

----- Original Message -----
From: Sa****@aol.com
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2003 7:37 PM
Subject: (no subject)

FUCK OFF, FAGGOTS!!!!!!!!!

(editor's note: How did this guy know we were a bunch of
faggots? We thought only our Priest knew this. Weird.)

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FINAL NOTE FROM THE ASSHOLE IN CHARGE
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Fuck all of you...if it wasn't for all of you pieces of shit
purchasing my shirts, I wouldn't be rich. I fucking hate
being filthy, unbelievably, spectacularly rich. Cunts.