06/15/04

Summer is here and it's time to hit the beach. This year, make sure that
you do not use any sunscreen. Sunscreen is a ridiculous plot by the
government to keep you from obtaining your super powers from our yellow sun,
just like Superman did. So grease up, and not just your asshole this time.

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NEW SHIRTS FOR SUMMER FUN
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While it is important to let the healthy rays of the sun caress you. Let's
face it. Those enormous man boobs of yours are downright disturbing. So
wear one of our 3 new shirts if you are planning to be around children or
sensitive pets.

All of our new shirts are here:
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt322.htm

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RONALD REAGAN BACK FROM THE DEAD!
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Seems he's so senile, he couldn't even get DYING right!

Buy your tickets to see the Reagan Corpse tour. Don't miss out,
there's still enough of him to go around! But hurry, those
worms are hungry fuckers...

I know, I know, you think we are heartless idiots, but I assure you we
aren't.

We at T-Shirt hell are actually sad to see him die and wanted to
pay our respects to a terrific President. He contributed so much
to this planet, esp. the last 10 years. Why, from drooling all over himself,
to calling Nancy "Mommy", we wouldn't be where we are without him. What a
legacy.

But seriously, speaking of his legacy, take the dismantling of the USSR.
Clearly his greatest achievement...or was it?

The fact that this man went over there and tore down their Berlin wall
speaks volumes about what a great president he was. It really does! But we
at T-shirt hell believe there are 2 things that *truly* made him a great
President.

Not dismantling that shitty country that never gets warm. Seriously, a
country without hot chicks in bikinis is not a country of god, and thus,
must fall apart.

Anyway, where was I?...oh, yes, about his great achievements...

Throughout the years, now think about this...he was able to meet that goofy
Russian with that jizz mark on his head and not laugh ONCE. Not ONCE! How
can you take that man seriously? It looks like an elephant jizzed over his
bald head. No wonder that country went into the crapper! But really, how
can you feel good about your nation when your president is bald? Let alone
that horrible stain?

This is why we loved Ronald. Not only did he not have that horrible stain on
his head, but he had hair into his 70's! To me, that is the greatest
achievement of his legacy, if not among all Presidents.

Think about this dummy, how many 30 year olds have you seen balding? It's
pathetic. They should just cut their dicks off and die. But maybe they
shouldn't because we'd have to hear about it for a fucking week!

(Joe Shitball Died Today. More News At 11...12...1/2/3/4/5/6...and tomorrow,
Wed, Thurs...)

Anyway, as much as we love Reagan for kicking the USSR in the balls, let's
face it, he had hair in his 70's. What a remarkable man. A man who's
unjizzed, un-balding head kept our nation strong during tough times.

So we at T-shirt Hell want you to be a good American, stop what you are
doing and stare at his dead body right now!

Don't be a commie. Show the GUPPY Your love.
Order tickets today!

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HATE MAILPALOOZA
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----- Original Message -----
From: "Kyndra
Sent: Wednesday, May 19, 2004 4:40 PM
Subject: T-Shirt Hell

why the fuck would you talk bad about the army! I dont see you fighting for
your country! you are probably some 60 year old, 600 pound man that does
nothing but eat potato chips and set up cameras in girls bathrooms to watch
them use the bathroom!

(Editor's Note: First off, thanks to the Atkins diet I am a trim 587 with
my shoes on! And if you think it's difficult, and dangerous fighting for
your country, just try sneaking into a girls bathroom when you're a 587 lb
man wearing only a pair of loafers. Oh, but it's all worth it if you get
footage of just one girl changing her tampon, or battling the Hershey
squirts, or dare I dream...both? )

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----- Original Message -----
From: Alyssa
Sent: Wednesday, May 26, 2004 9:39 PM
Subject: Re: T-Shirt Hell End of May Newsletter

Alright, me and my mom (im 14) love your sick jokes and I really want some
of your shirts but I DO think that your going way to fucken far with a lot
of your shit. (Your Christmas paper and some of your anti American shirts)
You know, if you don't agree with the way US is ran, or you don't support
the troops over seas, then get the fuck out! now enough is enough, I know
you get off with being bad ass and reading letters from Mormons saying how
bad and degrading your stuff is, but come on... do you really believe that
your going to heaven with crap like that on your record? I know your gonna
say, no I don't or some shit thinken your so bad, but really, you have a
heart, and a brain and I know you really do care about what happens after
you die, unless you think you just blink out of exsistance. I know your not
gonna stop printing your shit and I don't want ya too, but tone it down a
little, cuz now im banned from even reading your site because of its crap.
think about it, you get more punks with weed rather than police right? or
sumthing simular.

(Editor's Note: Alyssa, I am confident that I am going to heaven, but not
the same one as you. Clearly, you will be going to moron heaven where you
can eat gum drops all day and never have to worry about having an original
thought or an honest opinion.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: Brian
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2004 11:44 AM
Subject: Re: T-Shirt Hell Early June Newsletter

I'm a white guy......not rich......guess i should be huh? But remember
something dumbass......we made our money before you made yours....you ought
to remember who got you that space on the soapbox you love so dearly...hello
from blue collar workers everywhere.....please be aware that there are more
of us than there are of you.... consider that when your daughter is raped
again by one of us in her maserati.....see ya sweetie.
Brian
P.S. if your so in love with your own thoughts and words write a book or
start a radio show.....quit tryin to piss people off to fuel your childish
rage....did your mommy not breast feed you? LOL

(Editor's Note: While I'm sure there are few things my daughter would enjoy
more than a quick feel, along with feeble attempts at penetration with your
limp, needle dick: I hardly think your 1979 Pinto has any chance of
catching her Maserati. And we have nothing against blue collar workers, we
just hate you, as a person.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: "Sarah"
Sent: Saturday, May 22, 2004 2:06 PM
Subject: Dear T-Shirt Hell

Your new Iraqi shirt is repulsive. You are repulsive. I can only hope that
one day you'll be exposed to similar conditions that the iraqi soldiers are
going through. What our "camel-fucking troops" (great shirt) are doing is
inhumane if you dont realise that already. But then again i'm probably email
the guy who shaved cats bald and therw them out in snowstorms as a little
boy.

(Editor's Note: This is amazing! I feel like I'm on The Truman Show!
First my bathroom cam fetish is revealed, and now my favorite childhood
pastime. My eyes are getting all misty. None of the cats ever froze to
death. I guess it was all of the firecrackers I taped to them that kept
them warm. )

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No God, No Peace. Know God, there's still no fucking peace.