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NEW SHIRTS THAT ARE SHIRTILICIOUS
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John Kerry has announced that John Edwards
will be his running mate. John
Edwards is best known for his long running TV show "Crossing
Over" where he
contacts the dead. This week on the campaign trail, Edwards summoned
Abe
Lincoln. He suggested the pair should reinstate slavery, ban heterosexual
marriage, and finally presented them with the recipe for a tantalizing,
four
layer, Cuban bean dip.
All of our new shirts are here:
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt328.htm
If you're an AOL user, or unable to click
the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.
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NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE
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If you can't get enough of our newsletter
we have posted all of the old
issues for your reading pleasure. They're sure to warm your heart
and
roast your rectum.
http://www.tshirthell.com/newsletterarchive.htm
If you're an AOL user, or unable to click
the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.
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FINAL WEEK OF THE $1000 WHORE CONTEST
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This is the last week to send in your picture
of a smoking hot chick wearing
one of our shirts. I know that you're ugly and so are all your
friends. So
I suggest you grab your shirt, your camera, and some Rufinol,
and get
started. Remember, the Rufinol is tasteless- just like your shirt!
http://www.tshirthell.com/whores.htm
If you're an AOL user, or unable to click
the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.
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OLYMPICS WIN GOLD MEDAL FOR SUCKING
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The Olympic Games start in August and I
wonder if it's possible that I could
care less about anything? I know what you're thinking. What about
the Tour
de France? Clearly, that is the lamer than the Olympics.
Yes, the Tour de France does suck. It's
long, boring, and has the word
France in it. But on a positive note, in spite of the fact that
a cancer
ridden American is supposed to win, there is virtually no coverage
of the
event in the U.S. It is easy to pretend it doesn't exist.
But the Olympics, they just won't shut
up about it. It is full of athletes
you've never heard of, playing games that you don't care about,
for really
lame prizes. What's the point? Even on Fear Factor you get $100,000
and
all you have to do is eat pig scrotum- not dedicate 18 years,
12 hours a
day/7 days a week to jumping over a stick.
At the Olympics, maybe, you get ten seconds
of fame. You want ten seconds
of fame so bad, marry Britney Spears. Then if you're incredibly
lucky, you
get a shiny, gold necklace. Big deal. If you want to wear a big,
gold
medallion- go work for Ja Rule. Not only do you get a necklace,
but you get
a 9 millimeter, a crack pipe, and unlimited blowjobs from skanky,
preteen
groupies.
It is un-American to be the best at something
and not get paid. If you're
such a great runner; go play football. If you're so great at throwing
a
javelin; can't you learn to throw a slider? And if you're such
a great,
male gymnast; why not make gay porn?
How can we compete with other countries
where the citizens clearly have
nothing better to do than train for the Olympics. Africans are
chasing
kangaroos all day just to get to work. The women on the Taiwanese
ping pong
team can serve a ping pong ball at close to 97 miles per hour,
and that's
just using their assholes.
We have Playstation in America, not to
mention Playstation II. Do we really
have time to spend throwing a discus, or learning the rules to
arcane games
like soccer?
Why are there so many great swimmers in
Europe? Because they hope that one
day they can swim to America, collect welfare, and eat Funyuns
and Poptarts.
It makes sense that other countries actually
like the Olympics because for
one fleeting instance they can compete with America. When Americans
want
to compete on the International level we invade your country,
arrest your
leader, burn down your homes, and murder your people. That's the
American
way.
Go for the gold? Go fuck yourself.
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YOUR HATE MAIL MAKES ME HORNY
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----- Original Message -----
From: Lauren M.
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2004 11:27 PM
Subject: NY airplane shirt
Dear TSHIRTHELL:
I find your I (airplane) NY shirt extremely
offensive. There are many
people who live in this country and died because of Islamic fanatics.
There
are many police and firemen,military and civilians who tried to
save the
helpess people who died for no reason. You are making a mockery
of the
situation.
There are children who will see that shirt
and believe what happened on 9/11
is funny and nothing to be concerned about. What happened on that
day is
not funny and people were extremely effected by the actions of
terrorists.
When people see a shirt like that it makes it seem as though you
are
supporting terrorism, which you are. It is not fair to the people,
which is
just about everyone living in AMERICA to have to view your website
and see
that shirt. It brings back painful memories, which is cruel. I
am so
disgusted with your company making a joke of when a nation is
attacked-any
nation. I am soooo pissed about an anti-AMERICAN shirt, WHEN YOU
OPERATE IN AMERICA.
You all should be ashamed of yourselves.
I will be notifying all public
officials in my hometown and the BBB and request that you be shut
down, due
to soliciting unamerican affairs and support terrorism. I hope
you are
happy with the decisions you have made to further disrupt the
people of our
nation. You all are hateful bastards that don't deserve to live
in a great
country like AMERICA. I would like a response from your company
but i do
not expect one. Thank You.
(Editor's Note: Lauren, I'll bet you have
small breasts, while your ass is
enormous and dimpled. If you're so fucking patriotic, why would
you contact
the people at BBB i.e. Big Brother Brazil? I don't think a South
American
reality program has any business telling me how to run my company.
But if
you do manage to contact them, tell them that Antonella was definitely
the
most fuckable of all of the housemates, although Tatiana was a
close second.
Those were serious tits.)
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----- Original Message -----
From: Earlene E
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 11:41 AM
Subject: homeless shirts
I work as an advocate for the homeless
and I find your most recent shirt to
be just about the most offensive thing I have ever seen. I was
directed to
your site recently by a friend and he showed me your fuck the
homeless shirt
as well. I hope that the family of the man pictured on the shirt
see it and
take legal action.
It is people like you who make it hard
for homeless individuals to get back
on their feet. If you have any humanity in you you will remove
your shirts
that mock the homeless issue at once.
Sincerely,
Earlene
(Editor's Note: Do I have any humanity
in me? Let me check...nope.
(Although I am one-quarter Jack Russell Terrier) I don't really
care if I
offend the homeless, because they don't really buy a lot of t-shirts.
If I
sold rags, malt liquor, or drugs I might be more concerned. But
like the
manufacturers of soap, cell phones, and sports cars I'm not overly
worried about appealing to the lucrative homeless market. And
I think
the family of the guy on the t-shirt is a little busy right now.)
---------------------------------------------
----- Original Message -----
From: flirt***@hotmail.com
Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2004 11:39 AM
Subject: Re: T-Shirt Hell Early July Newsletter
I think the way that you respond to some
of your letters is very
unprofessional and rude. Did you think that maybe your attitude
and
response towards these letters could cost you some business? Maybe
you
should try to learn how to take a little criticism.
Gosh, I never thought of it that way. You've
really opened up my eyes. And
what do they see? A dirty, stupid, cunt who I defecate upon after
cutting
your face off and wearing it like a hat. I then rip your tits
off and use
them for mittens after I cum in your mouth and smash all of your
teeth in
with a croquet mallet. After I cut off your head and use it to
go bowling,
I cut you in half lengthwise, slowly with dull, rusty, hedge clippers
and
use your rotting body as extra large book ends for my "Conversations
with
God" hard cover collection. Oh and I almost forgot, thank-you
for your
interest in T-Shirt Hell. Have a nice day.)
---------------------------------------------
----- Original Message -----
From: ming***@athenet.net>
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 8:36 PM
Subject:
your shirts are totally gay. Nice going,
faggots.
(Editor's Note: For the record, only 3
of our shirts are totally gay. Most
of them are bisexual, some are straight, and there are a few in
the
worsethanhell section that get off only when they're pissing on
the burning
corpses of NASCAR drivers. Which is admittedly kind of kinky.)
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I took my dog to get neutered yesterday.
He had already fucked every bitch
in my neighborhood; and many of their dogs, too. I'm kind of sorry
that I
did. He had such a promising career in bestiality videos, but
now he can't
supply the money shot.
In the immortal words of John Lennon: All
we are saying, is give peace some
pants; or perhaps culottes.
And for all of the idiots who couldn't
figure out what the six letter word
that started with M and ended in L from last weeks newsletter;
the answer
is an 8 letter word that begins with P and ends with E.
