T-Shirt Hell : Newsletter : July 23, 2007

In 3...2...1...Lindsay Lohan has just been arrested for DUI. DUI stands for driving under the influence, but that can mean the influence of so many things. In this case it was alcohol, cocaine, bad parenting and the psychotic fairies that live in her brain. Fortunately, her identical twin from Parent Trap is still doing fine.

In news just as sad and funny as that, Tammy Faye Messner recently died after she didn't put up a fight against cancer. So we won't be able to test makeup on her anymore, but her death did prove something. Prayer didn't work for her, but it works great for me. Truthfully, it wasn't cancer that ultimately did her in. Apparently Harry Potter mistook her for Voldemort. Which is an honest mistake.

In political news, the US Senate recently voted down a bill that proposed a troop withdrawal from Iraq. Good thing, too. We can't leave until we've killed every single Nazi over there. Wait...I was thinking of that war that had a point. Not that this war doesn't have a point. I mean, what's more important than giving politicians something to feign interest in?

In sports news, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was indicted for sponsoring dogfights that left many dogs injured or dead. Killing dogs is bad (albeit hilarious), but considering what some other NFL players have done in the past, they may as well have charged Vick with using the wrong fork at dinner or misspelling butterscotch.

Finally, the last installment in the Harry Potter book series went on sale a few days ago and was an instant success, selling nearly 100 copies in its first day of release. Some thought that copies of the book that were leaked onto the internet would hurt sales, but that wasn't the case. Probably because only nerds use the internet, and nerds don't read Harry Potter.

It is once again time for new shirts. In case you're wondering how awesome these new shirts are, let me share with you what the Pope had to say about them. "These shirts kick more ass than a ninja with 20 legs fighting a guy with 10 asses." The Pope actually said that. True story.

Anyway, our new batch includes a couple of strong political statements. Actually, they don't make political statements so much as they ridicule fuckbags. The fact that those fuckbags are politicians is a coincidence. We've also added a shirt that asks women to accept what God gave them. Unless God gave you penis-boobs. If that's the case, by all means get the surgery. If you don't like any of those shirts, we've got plenty of others you can not like too. Check 'em out, opposite-of-winner.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_072307_news.htm

long division

God damn, what a sexy man. Enough fucking around. America is broken and I'm here to fix it. I've sat idly by and listened to dumbfucks argue with dumbasses for long enough. Turn on any TV or open any newspaper and you'll see another bloated ego talk about what's ailing us. (Unless someone got footage of Lindsay Lohan eating a Pop-Tart that day.) But where they talk about problems, I will offer solutions.

Don't misunderstand. I don't care about any of these matters in and of themselves. I just want the bitching to stop. And I figure it'll be easier to solve all of our nation's biggest problems than it will be to kill every single moron inhabiting it. Jesus Christ, I'm not gonna live to be a gillion.

Here is my FOUR POINT PLAN to Save America:

#1 - The War in Iraq - Clearly we are winning the war in Iraq. It won't be long until we...do whatever the fuck the goal was. So we're winning, I'm not here to argue that. But there's only so much winning we can do before every soldier and postal worker at our disposal is dead. My solution is to reanimate Saddam Hussein and rekill him. I really think it'll work this time.

Olympic Silver Medal in Pointy Hurdles #2 - Immigration - I don't see the problem here. Illegal immigrants get what they want. Employers get an excellent source of cheap labor. And I have a virtually limitless supply of "people" that I get to douse with gasoline and set ablaze because it's so easy to get away with murdering someone who has no US history or documentation.

Having said that, this crisis can be easily solved. All we have to do is turn America into the shit-hole that Mexico is. Then they wouldn't even bother making the trip. Or we could just make it illegal to put your last name on your truck in Old English lettering. (Tapping my head with my finger to show you I'm using my noodle.)

He raped me with just his giant teeth. #3 - Health Care - Just let poor people die.

#4 - The Environment - The environmental crisis has the simplest solution of all. You simply don't believe in it. This philosophy has worked for my family going back several generations. For example, while Harriet Tubman and the rest of those losers were busy escaping to freedom, my ancestors refused to accept that slavery existed. And they lived their lives in perfect contentment while being whipped in the fields and sleeping on the floor of a dirty shed. Similarly, I stopped believing in Gary Busey five years ago, and he hasn't raped me ever since.

So the next time these so-called "scientists" recite their irrefutable facts and figures, just put your fingers in your ears and go "La la la..." until they go away. I feel colder already. Brrrr!

There you have it. America is fixed. All you conservative assholes and liberal douchebags can shut the fuck up now. I'm sure you'll find something new to whine about, and when you do, just remember one thing: You won't change that either.

Comments (24) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Coco Latte 07/24/07 5:10 pm

u preech the truth, however funny

Awan Afuqya 07/24/07 6:05 pm

Where can I get some Giant Teeth like Gary's?

Aussie Stu 07/24/07 6:19 pm

You guys are alright. Give me a shirt!!

Kile V 07/24/07 7:31 pm

I think if we just got all the Sadam Hussain look alikes and killed them, we'd be set. I mean, thats BOUND to send some sort of message.

eighth-1der 07/24/07 9:14 pm

Make it illegal to put your last name on the back window of your truck in script? GENIUS!!!!!!

Anne 07/24/07 11:17 pm

hahha that shit is hilarious and true!!

Saint Takeshi 07/25/07 3:07 am

i think the nine or ten dog-molesting, inbred, crippled, dodgers-supporting, bleeding, crying, jailbait trailer whores who run this site are quite aware of how funny and true their social commentary is. why else would they write it? or maybe the site's run by an infinite number of monkeys, with an infinite number of blogs...or a cat in a box, or some other thought-experiment that proves something my drug-addled brain can't understand at this hour.

it's a mystery...

senor pablo 07/25/07 12:03 pm

the solution to iraq is simple, get the troops out and nuke the shit outta those fuckers.

Kerfuffle 07/25/07 1:24 pm

Jesus Christ, I hope it was anal rape and not oral … Gary Busey looks like he could mutilate a vagina.

Leishalynn 07/25/07 4:08 pm

Please run for President and win so that we can END THE BITCHING! You would illegalize the bitching, wouldn't you?

Deseray 07/25/07 4:13 pm

Health Care......Support poor people doing crime so they can get taken care of in jail.

Jeff Sinnett 07/26/07 5:56 am

In response to your "4 point plan to save America" I feel I must disagree. Unfortunately, I can't find anything wrong with it and view your plan as nothing short of brilliant. So I guess it's not really a disagreeance after all. So I'll just say "hell Yes!!!" and leave it at that. BTW, the whole La La La with the fingers in the ears really does work quite well. thank you

John 07/26/07 8:05 am

I remember when you and the shirts you used to sell were actually poignant, wickedly and awesomely offensive, and actually funny. I'm convinced that your whole staff has just been replaced with a bunch of retarded humor challenged monkeys with keyboards.

Butters 07/26/07 3:13 pm

You know, whoever wrote this must be like a high school kid, because it's not funny and not nearly as witty as most of the other ones. Fire this person! He/she sucks!

Jennifer 07/26/07 6:41 pm

aint that the truth!

Thomas 07/26/07 8:46 pm

Thank you for the solution to America's problems so simply. I had no clue. I have some problems with your solutions.
1. How is reanimating Saddam Hussein going to get Usama Bin Laden's head on a pig pole? Also, we all know that killing millions is a lot more fun than killing the same guy over and over and over,,hey this is fun.
2. If we stop illegal immigration then I will only be able to shoot tourist and then only during tourist season.
3. The poor are not dieing fast enough, can't I help?
4. Enviroment crissis? Guess I beat you to that one. When was there a crissis?
As I said "I had no clue" only questions. Thank you for the answers. I don't understand how it will work but I trust in your judgement for you are the mighty Boofu. Thanks again.

kalypso 07/26/07 11:26 pm

I just finished reading some of the emails that you guys recieve and your responses to them. I almost wet myself laughing at what some people get worked up over. Therefore I would like to remind people that these shirts are designed to take the piss out of things (Lindsay Lohan, politicians, situations etc) and get a laugh, and if you are that shallow to take them seriously and be offended by them then YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE. granted there may be the occasional nutter whom the shirts suit down to a tee, and you're bound to get that with so many people in the world. At the end of the day, if you like the shirt enough to buy it, great! If you don't like them, don't buy them. AND if this site really offends you, then stop fucking coming here!

From a Chickie Down Under who's sick of listening to people whinge about a t-shirt website when there are FAR WORSE things in the world to worry about.

Brian F. G. 07/27/07 11:02 am

It's nice to know that there are intelligent synics(I think that spelled right?) like me, who can't stand MOST if not ALL Politians!! It seems to me that the last decent president we've had was long before our generation was even a sperm!! I maybe wrong but at least it seems that way to me!
Anywho, keep up the great work & fuck everyone else who thinks otherwise!!

mouse 07/28/07 10:28 am

I actually took the time to read this newsletter. Not only is it offensive in equals parts to tons of different people it's fucking hilarious! Keep it up!

Cock Jock 07/29/07 1:58 am

I love being raped as much as the next guy, but gary Bussey???!! Even I'm not THAT desperate!!

Jock Cock 07/29/07 2:00 am

You know what they say: BIG teeth.....small dick

Chicken Fucker 07/29/07 8:20 am

CAMEL TOE!

Iman Azol 07/30/07 11:12 am

How about we rape all the Arabs and kill all the liberals?

***Cody666*** 07/30/07 12:15 pm

just send over all the war-loving "chicken hawks" to iraq to win in iraq/iran & the border... oh wait! they cant win anything that's not rigged to go the way of the neoKKKons! Good massage this week!!!

-----Original Message-----

From: Jeffrey B.
Sent: Friday, July 13, 2007
Subject: Stop bothering me

Some time ago, I submitted an idea I had for a t shirt with absolutely no response from you. Judging by what your disclaimer states, I assume you have already used the idea and are prepared to defend yourself by stating that this particular idea has already been submitted, BULLSHIT!!

Bottom line? Leave me the fuck alone! I will ask you one more time to not send me anymore of your bullshit advertisements about your bullshit end of month-things. Stop sending me any emails at all, and we will be best of friends. Go Fuck yourself!!!

Jeff

Editor's Note: You totally busted us. This whole thing is a scam. Don't listen to any of the hundreds of people who have won this contest that will try to tell you different. They're just the exception that proves the rule. You know, the rule that says you're a fucking idiot.

I wish he was my racist grandfather. To Jeff and anyone else who submits a shitty idea that they stole from someone else, here's the response you so desperately crave: Your idea fucking sucks. That joke wasn't funny when your racist grandfather first heard it in 1947. Well, it might've been funny then because they were probably lynching someone at the time, but now it's just played-out and sad.

And despite what this used tampon that someone mistook for a baby might lead you to believe, we don't harass people with a barrage of unwanted email when they submit ideas. We send out our newsletters and that's it. And even those can be easily stopped if you have more than two functioning brain cells in that mass of raccoon sperm you call a brain.

Later, Jeff. Allow me to save you the trouble of submitting the next "original" idea you have. We've all heard "It's not rape, it's surprise sex!" Now stop punching your computer monitor. You can't hurt me like that.

Comments (17) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Johnny E 07/24/07 11:36 pm

True, I haven't even been in the country that long and I've already heard that one. He's probably like 12 or something and he heard it from his ambiguously gay dad as he was explaining how he was made.

reaper 07/25/07 7:38 am

I actually hadn't heard that one before, still kinda funny :)
on another hand, how difficult can it be to press the link on the bottom of the mail? must more than a few shitloads of retards in the world..no suprise there then..

Kate 07/25/07 9:16 am

Jeff, you ass.....it's called unsubscribe!

Kerfuffle 07/25/07 10:45 am

Jeff, "Guys like you make me want to staple my cunt shut!" Hey, that's catchy! Someone should print that on a t-shirt.

aaron 07/25/07 11:25 am

Why do all these fucking morons think anyone cares what they have to say?I would love to see Jeff get a thermometer shoved up his penis and smashed with a hammer!

senor pablo 07/25/07 12:05 pm

Mass of racoon sperm.....Brilliant!!!

Alycia 07/25/07 12:29 pm

mmmmmmmmm... raccoon sperm

mmmmmmmmmm... brains

mmmmmmmmmm... surprise sex

pink 07/25/07 6:48 pm

He should take up a hobby like bungee jumping with a rope that is way too long.....

WallyAteTheBeave 07/26/07 4:13 am

Sigh. I miss surprise sex.

CarbonBoy 07/26/07 10:22 am

This guy must have tons of "Best Friends", particularly if he keeps telling them to never contact him anymore and to "Go Fuck Them self"!

jeff 07/26/07 1:22 pm

Damn, I'm Jeff and I didn't say any of tht shit. You can all go fuck yourselves.

PS. Send pictures.

fuck you 07/26/07 2:06 pm

I also submitted an idea and guess what, about a month later they have a shirt damn near exactly what my idea was just altered a little bit and what do ya know i dont even get an atta-boy FUCK T-SHIRT HELL

Brix 07/26/07 2:15 pm

yea, a few months ago i sent in an idea that said "A womans place is in her kitchen" and said to have a cartoon picture of a woman. and what do ya know shortly after that they have a shirt that says "I should be in the kitchen" with what do you know a cartoon picture of a woman. did i get any thanks

Nik 07/27/07 2:56 am

You dumb fucks! If you submit an idea, and a month later you see a shirt with something similar to your idea on it, it's not your idea! Do you see how that works? If it's not what you sent in, it's not your idea! Dumb fucks

Christ 07/27/07 6:57 pm

I find it terrifying how fuckin' moronic some people are... by some, I mean the majority of the population (excluding Asians). I'm with Kate on this one. This guy's dad must be thinking, "I knew I should've shot that load on her chest." Poor bastard can't even click the "unsubscribe me" button before sending a randomly retarded attempt at humor where he shows his skills at using exclamation points an abundant amount.

In closing, it's fucktards like this that makes the world funny without a punchline.

Iman Azol 07/30/07 11:15 am

I think they should send him the shirt that reads, "All Daddy Wanted Was a Blowjob."

Fucking ignoranus. That's an ignoramus AND an asshole combined.

rowan 08/02/07 3:33 am

awwww, poor jeff fell on his vagina because the other boys and girls got a toy and you didn't? shit dude, i submitted heaps! i'm not funny enough either and it never stops hurting, but i'm man enough to bottle it up deep deep inside of me and repress it until the next asshole comes along. stop crying on your cock shaped pillow and have another shot like a big grown up boy. Mkay champ?

-----Original Message-----

From: Mike F.
Sent: Sunday, July 15, 2007
Subject: Honestly

I was at a parade on Memorial Day weekend and some white trash hillbilly was wearing a shirt that featured the middle finger. Thats it, just the middle finger. He was with his children. What a great piece of work he was. A 30 something man, wearing such an immature shirt.

Honestly, your shirts make America look even dumber than it already is. Keep up the great work. Your outfitting trailer parks throughout Kentucky. To bad the attempt on Aaron wasnt good enough. :( makes me sad.

Editor's Note: Okay, so there's a lot for me to respond to here, but I would like to talk about something that you're probably not aware of unless you read this newsletter on a regular basis. We posted an email from our good buddy Mike here a couple of newsletters ago. I responded in my typical hilarious fashion, but I shortened his email to spare you all from death by an overdose of dumb.

Then came the onslaught of stupidity. Not only did he send this followup email, he also left several comments in the aforementioned newsletter, including an unabridged version of his initial email. Apparently he wanted you all to see that he was retarded for four paragraphs instead of only two.

God damn, what a sexy man. The reason I bring this up is to point out how utterly pathetic some people are. The same douche that condemns us and claims we're ruining America is not only repeatedly checking out the site, but also reading our newsletters in their entirety. Why? Because some twats just like to share their bullshit with the world, no matter how ignorant it is.

It may seem like I'm obliging him, but I really just wanted to use him as an example for an entire generation of assholes who feel like it's an accomplishment just to have a sentence on the internet. Rest assured, I won't respond to any more emails from Captain Dickface. Now get to commenting, Mike. I know you're reading this. I know you hate us, but you hate keeping your faulty chromosomes to yourself even more.

Comments (47) - View Comments - Add A Comment

foofoolamarr 07/24/07 6:09 pm

Hey, guy! You've just won yourself a free vasectomy! Redeem your prize here: http://www.stopthestupiditynow.com

Adam 07/24/07 7:26 pm

he also drove to the parade in a German built vehicle, which means he is a Nazi as well.

Ed Weed 07/24/07 8:18 pm

I love how these people get bashed every time they submit an email! Keep up the good work!

Cholla 07/24/07 9:27 pm

Sorry Mike, America couldnt look much dumber. Need look no further than your president to know it, champ.

Renee 07/24/07 10:07 pm

Er...that's not even a T-Shirt Hell Shirt. Way to prove that America's getting dumber, moron. If you truly wish your 'criticism' (note that here I've put 'criticism' in little brackets because you'd actually have to demonstrate an argument or train of thought for it to actually qualify as such) to be taken even slightly seriously, you might want to consider proofreading. Or at least learning how to use the word "your" correctly.

Cunt Punter 07/24/07 11:46 pm

Renee people like you really piss me off. Making fun of grammatical errors, putting long pompous comments in parentheses and pretending to have a functioning brain is quite annoying. Oh yeah and these magical things ' ' are call apostrophes not brackets you god damn mother fucking fat retarded STD infested waste of life.

mike 07/25/07 1:06 am

I hate you! I hate your stupid newsletter! Why do you always have to respond to my letters so rudely? I want a t-shirt that says "T-Shirt hell sucks".

Saint Takeshi 07/25/07 2:49 am

Cunt Punter, you're an arsehole. the main point renee was making was not about the grammar, but the fact that this person wrote and complained about a shirt that DID NOT come from this site.

consider this an invitation to take a flying fuck at yourself, ballface.

xx love from Saint Takeshi

Cunt Punter 07/25/07 4:02 am

Yeah her main point wasn't about the grammar but it was one of her points. So I guess I'm only allowed to make fun of someones main point. Okay I'll give it a try. So your point is that you are a fucking dumbass with a soggy cow liver for a brain. Oh yeah and how exactly do you "take a flying fuck at yourself"? You need to get more creative with your insults, I mean come one ball face? You can do better. OH wait you did call me an arsehole thats pretty imaginative. I want stuff like "go drink a bottle of windex you duck fucking pedophile" (I love ducklings).

JohnnyB 07/25/07 5:00 am

Get a job you weiner Mike, and stop worrying about what other people do, you remind me of my grandmother, only because she also pisses herself and tries to force her opinions on other people. If these T shirts offend you so much, I really don't know how you cope every time you see your family at christmas. (I'm not saying his family wear the t-shirts for the retards amongst you, simply saying his family must insult him for being such an idiot, but then again, to not have him aborted they probably must be too) =-D

Peter 07/25/07 6:02 am

Hey Mike. I have an idea. Print a shirt with the name "MIKE" (in brackets) on it, so we can make sure we beat the crap out of the correct asshole. You suck dude..................

Old Man Henderson 07/25/07 9:57 am

You're right man, these cunts don't have any idea what "accomplishment" means! Why I've got TWO sentences on the internet already!

Mike 07/25/07 12:01 pm

I'm a Fucking ass hole and I know it. I suck on dead mongoose hearts for pleasure. GaHuck!

Alycia is still reading this 07/25/07 12:32 pm

1. You're also making America look fat! It's all YOUR FAULT!

2. I agree. You should totally sell shirts that say "t-shirt hell sucks". Bad publicity is the best kind!

Rockstar 07/25/07 2:47 pm

I think Mike is doing the 2nd grade thing where you are mean to the person that you like, only it's a little more Fucked up because it's the internet and not the playground, oh wait it's kind of a playground for middle aged fat pervs that like kiddy porn!hmmmmmmmm.......this is make'n my blonde mind work harder than the time I tried to figure out how many licks it took to get to the center of a penis pop! Cunt Punter, you make me giggle when you write those dirty little comebacks!

Kalle 07/25/07 3:47 pm

Dude, my father has a t-shirt that says 'CATS SUCK' and has a dog forcing a cat to give it head. And he's the farthest thing from white trash imaginable.

It's emails like THIS that make America look dumber than it already is.

Mel 07/25/07 6:40 pm

Cunt Punter ,I think you are the fucking retard.You want to get on someone for making a point on grammatical errors and you yourself can't barely speak proper english.

Trailer Trash 07/25/07 8:53 pm

I am VERY proud to say that this white trash trailer parker, owns as many of these T-shirts as I can afford to buy with your taxpayers dollars, I mean walfare checks, each month. I can't wait for my check to come each month so I can take my horse to town, to the Check Mart, of course, and have my check turned into a visa green dot card. Then me and my horse skurry on home. And log on to T-shirt Hell and spend ALL of your hard earned tax dollars on immature T-shirts for my whole inbred family. Guess what asshole, I mean, Mike F. I was born and bred Kentucky, And am PROUD to be a HILLBILLY. And from the sounds of your email STUPID breds EVERYWHERE in AMERICA. Blasting people from places you know nothing about makes you, in my eyes, just as stupid and immature, as the hillbilly, is in your eyes. And just like you, with your email, was just using his American givin right to FREE SPEACH. Get a grip and get a life.

Rockoutwith my cockinurmouth 07/25/07 9:38 pm

Mel......"you can't barely speak proper English yourself"...hmmm let's look at this one together, you can't barely speak...that's a double negative dumb ass and English is cap.'d because it's the name of the language! So who's the fucking retard now....hahahahahaha lick another window

Chris 07/26/07 12:46 am

I spoke with Mike about his e-mail. This is what he told me. "I like turtles! My e-mails make sense....T-Shirt Hell is just mean! I pride myself on being an uptight dick face that has no ability to sense humor in anything! If it wasn't for me this country would fall apart! I am the moral police! Did I say that I like TURTLES?"

Clearly Mike is a douche! Frrrruuuunkiss!

Chris

the llama 07/26/07 6:09 am

Guys pack it in with the grammar wars already! Most people can barely spell let alone punctuate correctly. And the words "your" and "you're" are used wrongly so often it makes my brain bleed. So many people make these mistakes it is pointless to argue over them, however for future refernce:

http://www.correctpunctuation.co.uk/
http://www.ucl.ac.uk/internet-grammar/

These should help with any arguments. Oh yeah... Mike you're a bawbag, get a grip and go back to filming your mammy fuck the dog and pleasuring yourself to it later.

Aksel 07/26/07 7:40 am

Sure USA is fucked up and filled with idiots, but t-shirthell and people who wear the shirts are proof that no all of you guys are retarded.

Chris 07/26/07 12:20 pm

yo mike...there is this little thing in the USA called "freedom". Freedom of thought, freedom of speech, freedom of expression, etc. If someone wants to wear a shirt with a touch of profanity, who are you to stop them? Thats a violation of rights. Moreover, why do u have the right to censor and judge what should be censored? I dont see a FAA hat on ur small and pathetic brain.

matty 07/26/07 7:38 pm

haha i love this newsletter. its everyone vs everyone in a creative insult free for all. this place is a breeding ground for hate. i love it

Maaaaattttt DAAAEEEMMMmmmoon 07/26/07 9:32 pm

My mangina hurts :( Kiss it and make it feel better?

Eric Bistan 07/26/07 9:40 pm

Thank you trailer trash.

Audrey Fucking Patrick 07/26/07 9:49 pm

Fuck him- He is nothing but a pussy eating cock smugling Cunt fucking dog ass licking BITACH! lmao. So what's wrong with hillbillys anyway? You Fucking Cock blowing Mother Fucking Douche Bag.

Nik 07/27/07 3:09 am

Cunt Punter, do you know that the whole point of the comments is to take the piss out of the dumb fucks that write dumb fuck letters in? Such as Mike the dumb fuck? You dumb fuck. And Mike, if you hate T-Shirt Hell so much, why the fuck do you keep coming back to the site? It's no wonder you guys voted for George

rc 07/27/07 4:22 am

( ) brackets; " " quotation marks; ! apostrophy.

duh... 07/27/07 2:11 pm

[] brackets, () parenthesis, ! exclamation mark, ' apostrophe. Seriously kids, it's called spell check.

x.x 07/27/07 6:23 pm

first of all..wrongly? okay.. did you ever think that maybe people send those emails for their own sick amusement as well? and trailer trash wearing the shirts from tshirt hell? O.o that's why they're trailer trash, they can't afford an $18 shirt morons x.x unless they're like Trailer Trash..maybe that's why they're trailer trash.. free money hmmm

Bugsike 07/27/07 10:33 pm

Renee? That's a sexy name. Whatever Renee says, I agree with. If she sends me pictures of her tits to bugsike2000@yahoo.com.

kyle 07/27/07 11:03 pm

wow. this goes out to cunt punter (funny name, by the way, and the i like ducklings thing was good), renee, saint takeshi, and mike: holy shit, you guys ALL need to get a life. mike, seriously. do you really have nothing better to do? and could you sound any more pathetic? renee and cunt punter, it seems like you are both just craving attention from the t-shirt hell article writer. youre just trying to look cool by bashing other people (and yes, im bashing you, but thats because youre sad, small individuals that dont have thoughts of your own. renee, dont you think mike already got himself a new one torn with the response posted on the site?) and before anyone responds to this, blathering on about how I'M the one who is sad, lonely, and pathetic, because I have nothing better to do... the only reason i come to this site is because the t shirts are damn funny, and im only bothering to do THIS because my hot asian girlfriend is away for the summer, so i cant get constant lovin.

Jake Malicious 07/28/07 4:35 pm

This particular section of comments.. unholy cockbites... with "witty" retorts from Cunt Punter and the rest of you shit-stabbers who think they're creative when they mimic the newsletter writer, it all makes me feel like several sumo wrestlers just just took a big, healthy shit into my exposed skull.

DrunkenCanuck 07/28/07 10:32 pm

"it all makes me feel like several sumo wrestlers just just took a big, healthy shit into my exposed skull."
and then Jake Malicious ate it

dum fuk 07/29/07 12:56 am

No no, I think Mike is right! Its not the thousands of stupid people that keep harvesting kids, all the murders, racism and rape, its your guys fault! You guys sell shirts with words and pictures on them!! WTF are you thinking? I mean, with out them, these poor dumb fucks like Mike would have to point there wortherless problems to the next thing to near them!!!

God 07/29/07 1:51 am

Hey, Mike... did you ever think that middle finger was a message from GOD???

GOD 07/29/07 2:03 am

Hey, Mike...Did you ever think that middle finger was a messages from ME??

Deemo 07/29/07 5:24 am

Yeah, fuck the fucking fuckers! Now go count your dick!

six 07/29/07 9:43 am

hey renee, i don't think you have any right to judge the misuse of the word "your" when you're using "dumber". They should ban women from posting on here, just like they did back in the day with voting, because you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

Robert Frogg 07/29/07 3:32 pm

actually... rockoutwith my cockinurmouth... it isn't a double negative at all because there was only one negative. 'Barely' isn't a negative. Also, I think that it was used in an ironic way, not as an actual example of correct spelling, language and grammer.

That's all. I'm done

Iman Azol 07/30/07 11:21 am

They should have a T shirt that reads "Mike F is a fucking pansy." I'd buy it. You know you would, too. Mostly because you're too dumb to think for yourselves.

And Bush is an awesome president. He's killed a lot of dune coons.

CrazyGirl 07/30/07 12:13 pm

My god this is starting to look like the blog all over again... this is likely a good place to seek advice from hardcore internet addicts since I'll be attempting to treat someone with that problem next week... do you folks even know what time, day, month, year, season it is??? I think the best thing about the people on here is that y'all buy the t-shirts and then wear them while sitting in front of a computer screen that can't tell you how much it likes your t-shirt and that you need to get some sun.

Bitch 08/04/07 12:39 am

Wow..I want a Mike to keep as a pet on a leash.I'll feed him wiskas,rat poison and doughnuts! As for the grammar police... wow... I really don't think paragraphs were required to point out that you are pathetic.Next time,try to fit your inadequacy into a sentance.Thanks! Time to go catch a Mike-like subsitute.

Li'l baby jesus 08/12/07 3:12 am

You know what? printing a "T-shirt hell sucks" shirt might actually sell. A little self-humour never stopped you guys before did it?

Jake 08/13/07 5:22 pm

Iman Azol 'And Bush is an awesome president. He's killed a lot of dune coons.'
Poor guy.. What a horrible waste of time. And air.
One thing I have noticed in all these comments is that grammer and spelling, for the most part, are not very high on anyone's priority list. And also that most people are too scared to use real names.. Especially when they want to make racist comments. Bush couldn't even kill a paper bag, Let alone a person. He couldn't even make it in the Reserves.

Jake Malicious 08/28/07 6:25 pm

CrazyGirl,

You know you aren't treating anyone but your own shriveled pussy with spoiled goat milk sprayed out of a turkey baster because it's been fifteen years since the last time your father moisturized your raisin cunt with his 3" salami with mayo when you were an infant. six stated, "They should ban women from posting on here...because you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." I concur. Let's look at your flagrant violation of the Space-Time Shiterrarium line-by-line:

"My god this is starting to look like the blog all over again"
You sound lonely. It's been so long since you oogled the ass of those clamdigging faggots from behind your sand-blasted window as you stroked your iddy bitty clitty with a recently used toilet-scrubbing brush while fantasizing three-ways with a clamdigger and Cloud Strife as you played Final Fantasy VII on your jam-stained Playstation, hasn't it? Hasn't it? You poor animal. Looking for love in T-Shirt Hell's blog because you are painfully aware of the fact that no right-minded human would consider you - with your yellow, disgusting, pock-marked flesh with grease-dripping dreadlocks - as anything more than seagull puke. Give it up, you failure to suffer the attentions of even that crotch-stinking hobo with an uncovered missing eye that was lost in 'Nam. Forevermore will you be alone. Not even Satan would contaminate His sinner landfill with the unwavering stench that is your existence.

"this is likely a good place to seek advice from hardcore internet addicts since I'll be attempting to treat someone with that problem next week"
Think about this for a moment. Asking advice FROM ADDICTS about how to BREAK ADDICTIONS.... For your next doggie trick, CrazyGirl, why don't you roll your massive gravy-soaked blugger thighs down to the nearby drughouse and ask a dope-fiend advice on how to treat someone who's a dope-fiend. You, my precious little chavette wannabe tub girl, are a livid living abortion barely worthy of being acknowledged by a passing flea who would become violently ill from partaking your rancid bodily fluids that are more anathema to the digestive tract than lighter fluid mixed with Komodo dragon drool and purified cobra venom.

"do you folks even know what time, day, month, year, season it is???"
I know damn well what time it is. It's time for humanity's biannual Ridicule the Lesser Half Of Humanity Day! This is a wonderful holiday where we who do not belong to the species homo-inferior bask in our collective glory while shitting on the bleary-eyed perpetual drunks who are far too mind-stunted to realize your descendent and devolved natures. The sad part is, there are fewer and fewer of us to celebrate RL2H Day with each passing generation.

"I think the best thing about the people on here is that y'all buy the t-shirts and then wear them while sitting in front of a computer screen that can't tell you how much it likes your t-shirt and that you need to get some sun."
Don't be jealous of us, my dear fuck fairy abomination, because you can't wear clothes thanks to your drippy anus that keeps your hive-laden drooping ass cheeks smeared with a thick, slimy layer of warm, green, sticky shit that bubbles and bursts every time you expel the most deathly wet farts that would burn a buzzard's nostrils from a quarter mile away after it just feasted on the anthrax-loaded liver of . You should see a certain kinship with "hardcore internet addicts" as you can't even see the sun due to you being more phobic and allergic to light than a half-vampire werewolf with skin cancer.

Take my advice, you mindrotting Texan internet addict, and stab yourself in the back of the neck with a broken, ant-blanketed plate. But make sure you do it in such a way that you don't die. I want to see how long it takes for your shit, piss, drool, blood, and pus all combine and give life to a horrid festergog horror that can wipe humanity off the face of the Earth by smelling almost as bad as you do. And once it finally becomes aware of your hideous half-corpse, it will commit suicide because it is terrified by the prospect that something as vile as you could possibly be allowed to exist.

-----Original Message-----

From: Fritz N.
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Subject: tee shirts

Your site is for racist, ignorant bigots. I would never send you a penny. Maybe you should go to Iraq and spend some time with the families of the over 1,000,000 innocent Iraqis who have been killed by the U.S. in this completely unjustified and illegal war.

I am a strong believer in First Amendment rights, but if there were ever an exception made, it would be for your evil, thoroughly unintelligent pablum. The idea that you make money off of this crap makes me sick.

Fritz

Editor's Note: I often respond to hate mail by pointing out how stupid these people are, but clearly this guy is a genius. I mean, he used the word pablum. PABLUM, for Chrissakes! He must be a genius, because there's no way he's an insecure cunt who consults his thesaurus just so people don't notice that he's repeating a bunch of talking points that he heard on MSNBC.

Anyway, you couldn't be more wrong. Our site is not for racist, ignorant bigots. It is for racist, well-informed bigots. And you needn't worry about never sending us a penny. You've sent us something so much more valuable than money. You've sent us proof that a goat CAN make a baby with a pile of its own shit. That baby being you, in case you didn't catch that.

And just so you know, I have spent time with the families of innocent Iraqis who have been killed in this war. And they were delicious. As for the war being unjustified and illegal, all I have to say to that is...uh...PABLUM!

Comments (49) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Kevin J 07/24/07 6:54 pm

He left out that we are also misogynists...what a dipshit.

Killian G 07/24/07 7:33 pm

Isn't pablum some kinda ancient baby food?

Navy Cop 07/24/07 7:54 pm

Whoever wrote this needs to wrap his head in a dirty sheet, put on a robe, beat his wife, and fly to Iraq, that way one of my Army or Marine Corps brothers over there can shoot him and put us out of our misery of having to share this planet with him. Here's hoping this dream of mine comes true.

Scott 07/24/07 8:53 pm

I too have spent a lot of time with the families of the troops overseas. Those ladies get awful lonely

vince 07/24/07 11:29 pm

bless the troops and fuck the iraqis. I say lets send them some porn sprayed with pigs blood so they can all burn in fucking hell along with their koran, queran, kierin or whatever fucking book they worship

jimjoot 07/25/07 3:53 am

I keep hearing this word "illegal" before the word "war". It was passed through congress. As far as that is concerned, it is a legal war.

JohnnyB 07/25/07 5:04 am

Illegal/legal it's all good fun. Seriously though, dont you love how retards just think of a number I know a nice round 1,000,000 and then state that its actually fact. I really don't even understand why this guys spent time to send this mail, unless its because he's bitter about not being able to goto iraq and kill innocent people, so he comes on here and takes his anger out on the people at t-shirt hell, who must be responsible for the war in Iraq, I mean come on, it makes perfect sense, these T-shirts start wars.

Holli 07/25/07 5:20 am

I think youre brilliant and rather hilarious. I wish you could help me write some of my speeches!!! Maybe some is a little inappropriate for kids, that's why I dont have any. If I did...hmmmm wear a different shirt around them? I am just sayin.. Keep it up....you make me laugh.... and after having my puppy stolen...laughing is rare!
Holli - Vegas

Peter 07/25/07 6:11 am

It's 1 000 009 as of 10am local time, asshole.....................

reaper 07/25/07 7:47 am

hehe..his name is fritz, so obiously he's a german. And as we all know, all germans are retards..of course it's an illegal war, what the hell would be the point of a legal war?

Ange 07/25/07 9:59 am

"I am a strong believer in First Amendment rights, but if there were ever an exception made, it would be for your evil, thoroughly unintelligent pablum" - please don't ever breed.

Kevin 07/25/07 11:19 am

1,000,000 innocent Iraqi civilians killed by the U.S.? What a deluded asshole... Our troops are not blowing up carbombs in markets, mosques, and police stations. I think they are doing a rather impressive job of killing each other... at this point, we are more like the referees! Any one of the young men and women serving there are worth 100 whiny misinformed shitbags like the original poster.

Kerfuffle 07/25/07 11:43 am

Houston, we've found the pablum.

According to Wikipedia, the word pablum is often used to describe anything bland, oversimplified and generally unsatisfying ... more specifically, the genitalia of individuals named Fritz.

Wikipedia goes on to explain that the phrase 'puking fritz pablum' (popularized by the late Morton Downey, Jr.) when referenced in political speech, is used to describe one who lacks the capacity to digest simple logic, common sense and the ability to bestow pennies.

bob 07/25/07 12:28 pm

Pablum was a cereal for infants -Wikipedia

aaron 07/25/07 1:32 pm

Fritz,what a fucking gay name.Leave your computer alone and shut the fuck up!

Bula 07/25/07 2:06 pm

How is this war illegal u fucking idiot? They fucking planed our world trade centers that caused our economy to get all fucked up, but were not justified in going over there and killing them? How innocent is some fucking idiot running around screaming allah with a fucking bomb strapped to his chest blowing up people? Besides if this is such a fucking pointless war why did the American public vote to go to war initially? I'll tell you why because dumbfucks like you think we should pull out as soon as shit starts getting fucked up and people die. IT'S A FUCKING WAR PEOPLE DIE, IT'S GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN WHEN YOU SET OFF BOMBS AND SHOOT GUNS. It pisses me off when everyone blames Bush for the war but how is it that right when Bush took office the towers got bombed? It's cuz he's pickin up after Bill Clinton the fuckin dumbass who had the ability to catch Osama Bin Laden. Bush is just mopping up after Clinton's fucking miserable excuse for a presidency.
Pablum
There now i can sound smart!
Fuck Iraq, Fuck you, and Fuck Off

Rockstar 07/25/07 2:58 pm

illegal war? what about the war on illegals! that should be the topic here, the "boys" in Iraq have that war under control....lets get rid of the border hop'n dumpster slut Dora the Explorer

This Guy Over here 07/25/07 3:43 pm

pab·lum(pblm)
n.
Trite, insipid, or simplistic writing, speech, or conceptualization

devo 07/25/07 3:54 pm

Fritz farts in the tub,then licks the bubbles. What a fag!

Gina 07/25/07 9:41 pm

Fritz is it? What you don't seem to understand Fritz, is that soldiers have a sense of humor as well as fighting skills. How about you take that thesaurus and shove it up your narrow minded ass. As for T-shirt Hell...keep up the good work.

NotHillary 07/25/07 9:51 pm

Bula -

I suspect I'm wasting my time but you are obviously not a complete idiot. You made some good points and are at least able to recognize hypocrisy when it is pointed out to you by greedy neo-con puppets whose radio and/or TV shows you obviously listen to with far too trusting an ear. What they won't remind you of, but is a matter of public record, is that most of the Bush administration officials are members of the Project for a New American Century. PNAC sent a letter to Clinton asking him to remove Saddam with force, but he was too busy looking for a new intern to suck his dick in the oval office (The letter is literally dated the same day as the famous "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" quote). I'm sure the image of Monica on her knees while Willie held her lovingly by the ears is not enough to distract an intellect such as yours from the fact that the Bush guys did not need to wait for 9/11 to understand their friends could make an ungodly amount of money invading Iraq (legally). Powerful men deeply connected to the Iran-Contra scandal in possession of a dress soaked with the cum of the sitting US President would certainly never think of blackmailing him into invading another country. Most sensible people can see the pre-war WMD report was padded with bullshit from go. Even less credible evidence, if any, has linked 9/11's OBL to Iraq.

The original point of the brave, moral, Viet Nam draft-dodging, military contractor executives of the PNAC, at the very beginning of the Lewinsky scandal, before they took over the White House and before 9/11, was that invasion was justified by WMD-seeking Sadam's refusal to cooperate with UN inspections. Right or wrong, the Bush administration is 100% responsible for the invasion of Iraq which they began planning before 9/11, and this congressionally approved invasion has, sadly, nothing to do with finding the mass murderers of 9/11 and never has. Wake up and stop trusting people who are paid to warp the truth to benefit their shareholders.

Let’s have a beer and focus on midget strippers to get ready for whatever comes next. 'http://www.centerfoldstrips.com/novelty.mini.female.asp'

[I’m sorry to ramble on politically here but this is the only place I know that will tolerate truly free speech. That is so fucking important and what the idiot Fritz is really most wrong about.]

Dave 07/26/07 3:17 am

What a stupid fucking moron! US soldiers did not kill a million innocent Iraqis! Last time I checked not even 70,000 people had been killed since the war in Iraq started, and the vast majority of those deaths were caused by insurgents!

Big Tony 07/26/07 9:45 am

Not Hillary, what's wrong with making a little scratch off of the death of a few towel-heads? They have been killing each other for thousands of years. It's what they do. Now killing dogs in a dog fight for cash...that's just wrong!!

sumdumass 07/26/07 10:20 am

I'm leaving a comment here to see how little it takes for someone to call me a dumbass or douchebag. I better say something provocative. Um, I like Jewish people and the Iraq war is about democracy.

CarbonBoy 07/26/07 10:29 am

What the hell??? I had no idea we topped the 1 million mark of innocents. Now that we have won the love of the people, let's turn our focus to the enemy.

ThatGuyWithCommonSense... 07/26/07 10:48 am

Millions??? You are a fucking idiot. Eat some arsenic.
And Dora is a filthy cunt...

MIB 07/26/07 11:01 am

Kerfuffle = Hilarious
NotHillary = Right on Target
MIB= On the way to Iraq w/ a .50cal to make some red mist.

Tha Dude 07/26/07 2:58 pm

Fuckin'-fuck, you fuckedy fuck-twat. Die a shit-eating donkey fuckin'-hairy asshole death,you fuckin' --- etc...fuck.

I'm cool now...

Tha Dude 07/26/07 3:09 pm

Fuck! I intended for this post to be on the thread above this one.

...sorry fuckers!

FORD 07/26/07 6:52 pm

i missed the midget shirts apparently! that will ruin my whole weekend. oh, wait! they are down THERE!!! ok. i see them now. ha ha. great comments everyone, very funny shit. i love this site. if i order one of the midget shirts, will it come in a smaller size? LMFAO.

kris 07/26/07 7:38 pm

lmfao god i love this evil site

Amanda 07/26/07 10:55 pm

Um. Reaper. Just so you know. Germans aren't retards. Hitler took care of that problem during WWII.

Forgotten Soldier 07/27/07 10:00 am

Bitch and moan all you want about the War. You can quote what you hear "educated" people say on television, but none of your, or their, whining matters. Until you have been over there, until you have spoken to the Iraqi people, you don't know what you are talking about.

Drive threw Iraq. See the small 8x10 mud huts that a family of four is living in, in the middle of nowhere. Then go through Saddam's palace in Baghdad. With marble floors and columns, gold sink fixtures, and chandelier's. Then tell me we shouldn't have gone over there.

Listen to the people yelling that the all girl school in Baghdad got bombed because of US presents in Iraq. Forget the fact that the US presents in Iraq is the reason there is an all girl school there to begin with. The US presents is why girls are aloud to get an education at all.

Until you see the good that we are doing over there, all your whining is just showing the depth of your ignorance.

Forgotton American 07/27/07 11:17 am

You are right about nothing mattering, thats for sure. But when you get finished with you "Drive threw Iraq" Why dont you take a little spin around almost any midsized town in the heartland of America, and open to your eyes to how shit is around here. You are a fucking fool if you think the division of wealth isnt a reality in the good ol' US-of-A. So while a good portion of the middle and lower classes Sons and Daughters go over there (because if you join up, we'll pay for your college, otherwise your going to be so soaked in debt you'll tread water working three minimum wage jobs untill you die) maybe we can all pray that someone will come over here and 'Liberate Us!

vogeld 07/27/07 1:47 pm

Guess what shit stain? T-shirt hell doesn't need your fucking pennies. They get lots of my money because I think thier shirts are fucking hilarious. And the ones that I don't find hilarious, I don't fucking buy.
I hope someday you see me wearing one of their shirts and it offends you. Better yet, do tell me it offends you so I can kick the living shit out of you for being such a fuck wad.
Eat a dick

x.x 07/27/07 6:35 pm

i honestly think alot of people don't give a flying fuck about the war in iraq, i think they should just blow them the hell up and get it over with. most of the people have died from their own people. i dont see the point in spending all of the monet from the people in the us to rebuild a shitty 3rd world country just so they can destroy it all over again. alot of the people in this area don't even have city water, they have to wait for it to fucking rain. at my school, we used text books from 1970. fuck iraq

bugsike 07/27/07 10:39 pm

Where's that picture of renee's tits?

rosen 07/28/07 6:53 am

Omg, he is ONE FUCKING DUMBASS. Nice replay :D

DrunkenCanuck 07/28/07 10:24 pm

Bule....learn to read some fact before opening the yap....9/11 had NOTHING to do with saddam, that was osama bin fucked in the ass, in fact Saddam was actively hunting the taliban when they tried to enter iraq you fucking tard....not to say that pigfucker didn't need taken out...but bush senior should have finished the fucking job right the first time around...instead of sending baby bush to fuck it all up....like everything else he has ever done....good fucking thing daddy has some political clout in that ones case...or he's just be another good ol boy in the redneck south spouting shit he obviously knows nothing about...like bula

Bula 07/29/07 12:56 am

I'm sorry to keep this political discussion going but i have to agree with NotHillary on this, I angled my previous comment to sound as if i favored the Bush administration, which i don't; I feel this government is fucking us over left and right and has so many cover ups that i won't ever even hear about, I was young during the times of the Clinton reign so I haven't really experienced it first-hand I have what I hear from the people I talk to about this. I admit I should have better researched the happenings before ranting about them, but I lost my temper. NotHillary opened my eyes to bullshit i knew was there but I just didn't want to accept. I just wanted to thank them for respecting my opinion and posting their side of the story instead of saying it was a dumbass idea because it differed from their beliefs. I think Clinton fucked up bad in office and Bush fucked up just as bad, if not worse. NotHillary you didn't waste your time, thanks for the response back that actually made a point instead of just a heap of insults lumped together in incomprehensible speech fragments.

GOD 07/29/07 1:54 am

Hey, Mike...Did you ever think that middle finger was a messages from ME??

Shrub 07/29/07 1:56 am

Shut the Hell up about the war already!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMN!!!!

Mulbap 07/29/07 2:01 am

PABLUM

six 07/29/07 9:45 am

I'm not ignorant, I know exactly what everyone is making fun of.

Moo 07/30/07 5:36 am

Bush didn't didn't declare war on Iraq because of the world trade centers you idiots! Or weapons of mass destruction (what a farce that was). It's all for oil! Can't you see? He doesn't give a shit about anyone so long as the cash keeps rolling in! Wake up America!

Iman Azol 07/30/07 11:28 am

It's funny. Bush went to Basic, volunteered to fly the most dangerous aircraft in the AF inventory, graduated UPT and flew several hundred hours, as his contract required.

I never hear AF vets call him a draft dodger. It's usually liberal pussy cockbags who shit their pants at the thought of Basic.

How about all the non-draft dodging hippie liberal cockbags enlist, go to Basic, go to Iraq and stage a non-violent revolution?

Not that it would work, but I'd get to either court martial them or just fucking blow their brains out on the spot for cowardice in the face of the enemy. Either is good.

And I don't kill Iraqis until after I rape them and kick their children. Saddam would want it that way.

Tori 07/30/07 9:35 pm

LOL I love when people try to sound all smart, but because their IQ is so low, they don't even realize their need to consult their dictionary. You may have typed "pablum" but didn't you mean pabulum? Seriously, did you mean "baby food" or did you mean "something (as writing or speech) that is insipid, simplistic" (according to Merriam-Webster)? Your witty criticism fell short, my friend.

Derek 07/31/07 12:25 am

I'm very curious as to how "Fritz N." was able to understand the letters on a keyboard to write this concoction of idiocy. Personally the fact that T-Shirt Hell makes money "off of this crap" is quite ingenious. What better way to make money than to exploit the humour found within the minorities and douchbags. It gives them money, gives us a laugh and pisses off tight-ass, abortion poster-childs like Fritz. Seems like a win-win-win situation if you ask me.
Also I'm told Pablum goes well as a side dish with Iraqis. Can anyone confirm this?

Heather 08/24/07 6:56 am

"I am a strong believer in First Amendment rights, but if there were ever an exception made, it would be for your evil, thoroughly unintelligent pablum"

Isn't the whole point of the first amendment that everyone has free speech whether you are enraged by what they say, agree with it, or think they’re idiots. People like this one are the reason there needs to be checks and balances in the government. If you say that one person is too outrageous to say what they want where does it end? Everybody is offended by something, so thank god everyone doesn’t get their way.

-----Original Message-----

From: Sandra P.
Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2007

i see you've added another shirt that makes fun of little people. (assholes like you call them midgets) why is it if somebody makes a racial or religous joke theres always an uproar...but midget jokes are made left and right and nobody ever says anything. its sad that an entire group of people are picked on and its just excepted. and jerks like you aren't helping. grow up and go screw yourself

Editor's Note: I'm really having trouble responding to this. I want to write something really angry and hateful, but every time I'm all set to get my blood boiling I just picture this adorable, stubby-fingered creature sitting on a couple of phonebooks angrily typing away on a keyboard the size of a wallet. Ah, it just makes my heart melt.

They're GIGANTIC on the inside. For future reference, just because you're tiny doesn't mean all of your letters have to be. We have capitalization for a reason. And the reason that no one hears the outcry over midget insensitivity is that we can't hear you from way down there. And if you ever decide to have a midget rights parade, we'll just pelt you with tomatoes. But not regular tomatoes, those little cherry tomatoes.

Anyway, I'll stop using the term 'midget'. Just tell me which of the following three choices is most suitable: 'Dirty freaks', 'God's sick joke', or 'Those things I shit on'.

Comments (76) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Aussie Stu 07/24/07 6:17 pm

Yeah, I agree the start of Wizard of Oz was brilliant. Look at the wee little ones dance like real people. It almost makes you think they have a soul.

BTW Sandra, learn what a sense of humour** is. I think you'll find one behind a wee little midget's ear, go see if he'll let you have a peek precious.

** This is how humour is spelt in Australia, we also spell colour properly and Mum

Kevin J 07/24/07 6:50 pm

I saw that mini-britney midget the other day. I have to admit I would have fucked her...that is if I could stop laughing. Midgets are great. When I'm having a bad day I can at least be thankful that I'm not a midget and life is good again.

Adam 07/24/07 6:53 pm

She said "Assholes like you call them midgets" then she herself uses the word "Midget." I don't think Sandra P. is a midget, just a retard.

Mike S. 07/24/07 7:42 pm

Has anyone else noticed that when you piss off a midget, it makes a cute chipmunky sound before attacking you? I swear, I kill any I see just to try and get a perfect recording of that, think it'd make a great ringtone.

Tony T. 07/24/07 8:12 pm

Sandra asks why there's an uproar about racist or religious jokes, but nobody cares about making fun of midgets. Did our dear little Sandra happen to take a look of the other shirts available on the site? I'm sure she could have found much more to bitch about. There just must be something a bit off about this minority muslim midget (and her little dog Toto, too).

4nic8r 07/24/07 8:56 pm

finally someone who can spell the CORRECT Australian way.

Jennifer 07/24/07 9:26 pm

Okay, so this girl is a cunt. I am short, and I find those shirts HILARIOUS! I put all of the midget hirts on my wishlist and I asked people I knew to get it for me for my birthday/any other fucking holiday I want to celebrate (like the day that I won the bet that Britney's vagina could swallow Paris Hilton whole.) Also, those shirts are not the only thing that could possibly maybe offend cuntbags like you almost every shirt probably offends you (but only because you're too short to see them!) Oh and by the way are you from Texas? (If so that explains alot... like why you are a retard!

Cholla 07/24/07 9:31 pm

Dont pick on midgets! Theyre so cute!! I want one for a pet.
And midget wrestling and midget porn rock too!

MrPhoney 07/24/07 9:41 pm

First off, you should have asked for a booster seat in school because you can't punctuate or use the correct word. (theres has an apostrophe and you wrote "its sad that an entire group of people are picked on and its just excepted". You mean accepted. I love your last line. "grow up and go screw yourself" If you would grow up you wouldn't be midget and your arms are probably too short to screw yourself.

Barky 07/24/07 9:44 pm

Midgets rule! I want one when I grow up!

Ron Ross 07/24/07 9:56 pm

I'm only pissed about this because I did'nt act fast enough t get the t-shirt that you had the said "I once paid a midget 20 bucks to go up onme"

KILL ALL JEWS 07/24/07 10:07 pm

Little people make great dildos,butt plugs, and fuck dolls.But thats all.

Roff 07/24/07 10:19 pm

Sandra P. did get one thing right. We shouldn't "except" midget bashing, but rather accept it and keep the little people down.

Saint Takeshi 07/25/07 3:02 am

Kudos to the Aussie/British spellers.

and a big burlap bag of "you suck" juice to the people who protest every time an offensive shirt gets posted.
maybe the nine or ten inbred dog-molesting black gay crippled corrupt cops who run this site find the shirts funny for the same reason everyone else does? because they're audacious and fuck with the increasingly bizarre conservative taboos in the media?

the whoile point is so people go "holy SHIT, you can't say THAT!"

or maybe the whole point is to stop the kneegrows from gaining literacy or something, i don't fucking know.

my only prejudice is against ignorance and intolerance, but i can still see the humour in racist, sexist, and otherwise "offensive" humour. i think my favourite t-shirt hell shirt is "...a ton of Arabs!"

or maybe the "they shake me" baby shirt, i'm seriously considering getting that for my son (he's 8 months now)

Adam 07/25/07 5:23 am

My friends and I are totally going to open a midget ranch one day. We'll have a little pasture for them to graze and everything. And we're going to get a penguin and have him wear a big purple strap-on. His name will be Quincy. Oh I can't wait!

shoes 07/25/07 8:16 am

relax tiny, its only a shirt. remember sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. why dont you grow up (oh, sorry, you already have). i love midgets. i want to make a movie with midgets and monkeys. thats comedy gold

Anjunk 07/25/07 8:36 am

At the end of the email, did the midget seriously say "grow up"?......... She should take her own advice.

markos 07/25/07 9:30 am

I hope she's a nigger, jew, dyke midget - then she'll REALLY be pissed off - and pissed on! fuck you, you fucking smurf-turd!

Joey S 07/25/07 9:32 am

I jerk off with midgets

jb 07/25/07 9:51 am

so, Sandra P, I would like you to know that I read your email and i laughed. Not simply because your a "midget" or "little person" but also, because of your spelling... "excepted" should be "Accepted"...but i wasn't laughing because of your spelling alone..you see i imagined you standing on a chair stretching your chubby little arms high and wiggling your cute chubby little fingers to reach that heavy dictionary on the top shelf and then giving up! It's ok Sandra P...just get Webster's Pocket version and you can save yourself more humiliation on the net other than just being an ass!

ange 07/25/07 10:03 am

mmm midget porn!

Kerfuffle 07/25/07 12:01 pm

Little people? Sandra, you dissappoint me. The politically correct term for today is "fuck nugget".

Margaux 07/25/07 12:10 pm

Oh God! Stop! I can't take it! I'm going to piss my fucking pants. You guys are hilarious and I look forward to getting your emails like a welfare kid waiting for the Christmas morning food box to get dropped off. I know I'm a douchebag but I had to give you props! Anyway I do actually have a point and that is: When do you do your t-shirt contest? I have a couple of ideas that are fantastically fucking retarded and want to get an email telling me how much of a cunt I am and how excrutiatingly fucked up my head is. Hey-it's something that can keep me from cutting myself and pulling my hair out in small clumps while I sit in the fetal position and draw cave-man like pictures on the wall with my own shit. Anyhoo, let me know on that contest alright?

Cheers,

Margaux Alexander
Salem Oregon

Alycia is finished now 07/25/07 12:39 pm

A mincing of words. We need words like cripple and retard and midget and whore. They remind people to be realistic instead of ridiculously sensitive. And they make me laugh. That being the most important part, of course.

Pat 07/25/07 2:03 pm

"every time I'm all set to get my blood boiling I just picture this adorable, stubby-fingered creature sitting on a couple of phonebooks angrily typing away on a keyboard the size of a wallet. Ah, it just makes my heart melt."

Pure, fucking, GOLD. I laughed at this paragraph for about 2 minutes straight!

All this "Politically Correct" bullshit is what's really hurting America. Sandra needs to laugh off her tiny insecurities (pun completely intended) and stop blaming other people for her own problems.

tim 07/25/07 2:51 pm

If you hate midgets too, check oout this website!!!! www.freewebs.com/midgetraper
HILARIOUS!!!!!!!

aaron 07/25/07 3:27 pm

midgets give great head

N1g6rh8r 07/25/07 4:09 pm

The midget raper sight was fucking stupid. What adolescent sack of monkey shit would find it funny? Tim, I think the doctors forgot to tell you, you should avoid the internet for a while after the lobotomy. Stick to finger painting with your own feces.

tim 07/25/07 4:22 pm

Fuck You N1g6rh8r (nigger hater), very clever, NOT!

JohnD 07/25/07 4:51 pm

Sandra... you dumb cunt... They were called midgets before they were called little people. Little people is a term that the midgets wanted because niggers wanted to be called African-Americans, spics wanted to be called Mexicans, and you wanted to be called a person.

trex 07/25/07 4:58 pm

it reminds me of the joke where the guy rearends the car in front of him and a "little person" gets out and says i'm not happy -- the guys response was--well then which one are you?

John 07/25/07 5:36 pm

When i read the sob stories here my ass starts itching....If i get carpo-tunnel syndrome will i qualify for workers compensation.

post-birth abortion 07/25/07 7:10 pm

Aussies and brits should fuck themselves. It's like they realized that they're just tiny, less cool Americas, so they had to spell things stupid and different to seem better than everyone else. Oh, midgets are funny, too.

tanzie 07/25/07 7:52 pm

Oh.
My.
Science.

lawl 07/25/07 9:34 pm

I never understood how "little people" was supposed to be more politically correct than "midget." I'd killuhbitch if I were 4 feet tall and someone called me a Little Person.

evilklown 07/25/07 10:43 pm

"...midget jokes are made left and right and nobody ever says anything." That's because midgets never hear jokes about themselves. Their ears aren't exactly at the optimal range for hearing normal people talk. I would guess that the only way a midget heard a midget joke is if they heard it from another midget, which makes it completely socially acceptable, or if a drunk guy was telling the joke to his cocknballs, in which case the midget would've ignored it, because it's a drunk guy talking to his cocknballs.

tarhoop 07/25/07 11:27 pm

The only thing funnier than a midget - is two midgets. That's twice as funny.

Mindful Origin 07/26/07 2:14 am

Hey Post-birth abortion....
Lil history lesson for ya. English spelling (english as in UK, the type used in Australia for example) is the root of the American english that you use. In fact, its is just a bastardization of what some would call 'proper' english. So don't be a douche.....you sound as bad as the wanker who bitched about the midget shirts.

ya mum 07/26/07 2:28 am

Bahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! As a six foot something white female I gotta tell you- Midgets were put on God's green Earth for a reason ENTERTAINING THE NORMAL PEOPLE! Just saying.

Christina 07/26/07 3:11 am

I find it strange that you think "midget" is an offensive term, and yet you are happy to label "an entire group of people" a patronising and demeaning thing like "little people". . . . . .

RANDY 07/26/07 6:56 am

This guy shouldn't be so small minded!