07/28/04

This past weekend George Lucas announced the title to the final Star Wars
movie. It's called, "I Hope You Geeks Have Some Money Left To Go See This
Piece Of Shit Fifty Times In The Theatre; Not To Mention Buy All Of The
Overpriced Merchandise To Fill Your Bedroom In Your Mom's Basement". The
fans have taken to calling it Episode III.

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ALL TRUE, ALL NEW SHIRTS
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All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt331.htm

If you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.

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DEMOCRATIC UNNATURAL CONVENTION
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Yes, the Democratic Unnatural Convention is underway. Can you feel the
excitement? The air feels like it's practically burning when I pee. I
thought I'd give a few tips for anyone traveling to the convention or even
for those watching it on TV.

If you're planning on attending the convention you should know that some of
those hookers aren't really ladies; and I don't just mean they have bad
manners. Don't wait until they've ass raped you, beaten you with a lead
pipe, and thrown your naked jizm and blood soaked body in a dumpster to find
out. The best thing to do is when you approach a hooker in Boston you
should ask, "Are you one of those ones that looks like a lady, but is really
a dude, with a penis?" Remember, safety first. The good thing is you don't
have to wear a condom. In honor of the convention, all of the hookers are
disease free.

The next thing to remember, is when you attend the convention is to leave
your pointy ears at home. It's not that kind of convention you lonely,
pathetic, pimple faced, Postal playing, fanboy, loser. You, on the other
hand, should just take whatever hooker you can get, and just be grateful.
Remember to hide your bus fare underneath the dumpster.

A lot of you may heard that Ronald Reagan will be addressing the crowd, and
are looking forward to seeing a cool, rotting, zombie of an ex-president
lumbering through the convention killing delegates and eating their brains.
This is not the case. Apparently there is an effeminate little man who is
also called Ronald Reagan there to discuss something called stem cell
research. This is just a fancy name for the old, "101 uses for a dead baby"
routine. While this sounds like something that might be funny, it is in
fact boring.

If you should encounter Hillary Rodham Clinton, it is appropriate to address
her as, "Your Former First Lady Senatorness" and not by the more familiar, "
Wassup, bitch?" Try not to stare at her giant legs, do avoid her atomic
breath, and whatever you do, please refrain from asking, "Are you one of
those ones that looks like a lady, but is really a dude, with a penis?"

For those of you planning to watch it on TV, you might want to know that as
an alternative, they've just released a special VIP edition of the movie,
"Showgirls". Yes, Elizabeth Berkley has an enormous flat ass that
resembles two loaves of French bread placed side by side, but overall this
movie is a real gem. I believe it includes a deleted scene with her taking
a cumshot full in the face. Or that might be on the VIP edition of "Saved
by the Bell" Season 4. Either one will be a better choice.

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ALL HAIL THE HATE IN THE MAIL
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From: sooze
Sent: Saturday, July 03, 2004 9:45 AM
Subject: RE: T-Shirt Hell Early July Newsletter

Please can I be taken off this list? I don't appreciate you telling women
what they can and can't do during a lapdance. You'd be lucky to get one from
anyone. I don't mind most of the shit you print, but when you start talking
like a total wanker, degrading women it just makes me think, "Why the HELL
am I on this mailing list??" So kindly remove me and stop sending me the
crap you are so fond of spouting off. I'm a 16 y/o girl and I really don't
want to hear an adult saying the type of bullshit you are full of.

Thanks.

(Editor's Note: Sooze, in America, anyone with $20 and a hard-on can get a
lapdance. Actually, the hard-on is optional. I don't degrade these women,
I celebrate them. You're the kind of girl who could benefit from my
personal guidance. Please send a pic, plus your home phone number and
address.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: Late120@***.com
Sent: Wednesday, July 14, 2004 11:05 AM
Subject: Re: Your response to hate mail

I just read your response to the person who wrote you complaining about the
I Plane N.Y. T-shirt. How convenient that you don't bother to actually
address her concerns. Instead you resort to name calling.
I can't blame you I suppose. How could you intelligently and with any
seriousness justify the selling of such a shirt? You can't.
There is NO GOOD reason for selling such a hurtful t-shirt. That mocks the
saddest and most tragic day in U.S. history.

(Editor's Note: First of all, I never feel the need to resort to name
calling you shit brained, puss eating, pencil dicked, asshole. That's just
an added bonus. Second, I can sell any fucking shirt that I want sell
because unlike what you and those terrorist scumbags who attacked the World
Trade Center, I believe in freedom of speech which is one of the principles
this country was founded on. And yes it was meant to protect unpopular
speech as well as any of this stupid crap that spouts out of your head when
you don't have it shoved up your ass. As for a good reason to sell it, how
about this: people want to buy it.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: ScaryUncle**@***.com
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 3:15 PM
Subject: Hate mail worth reading

You guys suck, I'm sorry, but you do. You're trying to be a 2nd rate Howard
Stern of the shirt business. You make out like you don't care, but you have
a good website layout and probably spent a lot of time on you're business.
Most of your T shirts are retarded. You're a bunch of wannabe jackoffs.
You're newsletter suxx too, it's not even funny. I play postal, so don't
tell me it's just because I'm a square.

Face the music dumbasses.

Scary Uncle

(Editor's Note: Glad to see you're so proud of the nickname your nephews
call you while at therapy. I'm sorry that we have a well organized,
professional company unlike Howard Stern who must never spend any time
preparing his radio show. I'm sure they all sit on the floor in a dirty
room passing around a Mr. Microphone. I'm sure you're not square. I'm sure
you're more of that other shape, what do they call it? That's right, a
mongoloid.)

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Go Peace Yourself