08/20/03

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SOME NEW ONES:
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This one is for all the future governors:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=244

This one is for all the clown haters:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=247

This one is for the Asian community..or those who love them:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=241

If You Think My Tits are Nice...You Should See My Balls:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=242

This one is for your future pervert baby:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=245

I May Not Be Your Daddy...But I'm Your Grandpa:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=246

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UNDERWEAR HELL IS BACK!
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http://www.tshirthell.com/underwearhell.htm

That's right...we've brought back our dirty little undies for all of you
dirty little girls and boys. Now go buy some before we run out again.

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RICH LIKE ME
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The other day I was driving my new Range Rover. I had just had it
detailed, and my custom rims were sparkling in the sun. I pulled up to
my favorite boutique and found a spot right next to a homeless person.
He looked at me and said, "Nice car, man."

I thought that this was remarkable. Here was a man who didn't know
where his next meal was coming from. Here was a man who was
probably routinely ravaged at the local shelter. A man with important
issues that required his full attention, and yet he took the time to
compliment me on my car.

I thought about what I could give him in return. My wallet was stuffed
with money. I had the leftovers from a gourmet restaurant on my front
seat. I had clothes from last season in the back of my car that I was
taking to the landfill. I thought about all of these possibilities. But
then I looked at his dirty face and saw his smile and I realized that just
letting him look at my car had already given him great joy. What worldly
goods could compare?

I run T-Shirt Hell, and that's what I do: I bring people joy.

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T-SHIRT HELL RESPONSIBLE FOR BLACKOUT 2003
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As most of you are probably aware, a T-Shirt Hell power strip shorted
out at approximately 4:10 this Thursday, leaving much of the East Coast
powerless.

The cause of the malfunction is uncertain at this time, but rest assured
that the crack to-shirt hell technical staff is working at almost 4% of
maximum capacity in our quest for an answer. After prying the little geek
bitch away from his PlayStation, Tech-boy had a few guesses:

1. Another staff member jizzed in the surge protector. Sadly, another
few billion lives were needlessly lost to this shapely example of
early-nineties technology. With so many little holes, and we with such
small dicks, can you blame us for trying to fuck it?

2. Richard Gere decided to take back the hamster he had lent us (the
gerbil, sadly is long-gone). Unfortunately, that hamster's wheel provided
all of our backup power. Shortly after it stopped spinning, 50 million
people lost their power (and Richard gained a massive erection).

3. Every single candidate for Governor of California attempted to
purchase one of our "Next Governor of California" shirts:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=244
causing our database server (a sturdy Atari 5200 tricked out with
*two* joysticks) to slurp more power from the line than our prepaid
$6.47 per month electricity bill permitted

Obviously, there are other possibilities: from a staffer losing his grip
on the blow-dryer, while shaping his pubic perm in the bathtub; to another
setting the toaster to "dark."

No matter what, we want to assure our customers that we *will* rest
before coming to any real conclusions (but not before choosing a
scapegoat).

Meanwhile, keep an eye out for our new "Blackout" line of glow in the
dark shirts with nipple flashlights.

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FAN MAIL:
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----- Original Message -----
From: brat******
Sent: Sunday, August 17, 2003 5:53 PM

hi
i think this is so fucking sick that u have people with out any clothes on.
and that my child went on this and seen some girls with there pants off
and if u do not fix this i will good day

(Editor's Note: This is so intimidating coming from a person who can't
even locate the shift key on their computer. I would tell them to
exercise some more parental responsibility, but I think this kid is better
off on his own.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: UC****@aol.com
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2003 12:02 PM
Subject: hell

Your web site is disgraceful to White people every where, especially
women. To let you know I will do my best to let as many people know
not to buy from your inter-racial site.

(Editor's Note: Idiot. T-Shirt Hell is every bit as disgraceful to blacks,
Asians, and the assorted brown people of the world. Can't we all just
get along?)

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----- Original Message -----
From: Miki
Sent: Tuesday, August 05, 2003 2:10 AM
Subject: I`m patriotic? No shit!

So...you do fucking hate French, but you don`t mind shipping shirts
there, eh? Some boycott that is...Truly patriotic...Speechless...Drop
dead...please

(Editor's Note: It's unpatriotic to buy from the French, not sell to them.
Maybe we can bankrupt the country, buy it, and have it paved over so
people have somewhere nice to park when they go to England.
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Until next time...don't listen to all this "virus" hysteria that Bill Gates
is trying to spread. Viruses make your computer run better.
Open every attachment you get and forward them to all your friends.
And buy some fucking t-shirts already.

Peace off.