09/09/03

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ALL NEW
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This one is for you, if you're friends with a cyber sex machine:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=249

This one is for guys who like it up close and personal:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=248

This one is for all of the fine ladies who support family values:
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=250

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AUNT JEREMY AT THE MOVIES: PARTY MONSTER
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For those of you who've been wondering what's been going
on with Macaulay Culkin since "Richie Rich" (and I know I have), some bold,
enterprising new filmmakers have brought you a film called "Party Monster".
I missed the first 10 minutes, but I believe the film is a documentary. So
now we know that Little Mac has come out of the closet and is sleeping his
way around the New York club scene with his close friend and lover, Seth
Green. I was distraught when I saw little Kevin from "Home Alone" sucking
cock and beating his drug-dealing boyfriend to death, but if that's your
thing, this is the film for you.

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UNCLE GARY'S MUST SEE TV
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I love television. If you want something good, turn on the
Discovery Channel. They have this one show where they build custom
motorcycles. It's a great show, but they only have about four episodes,
each of which I've seen about 100 times. At this point I am confident that
if I was dropped at Orange County Chopper, I could assemble my own theme
bike. And I wouldn't be such a little bitch like Paul Jr.

So obviously I'm desperate for something new to watch. But to sum up the
new fall line up: it's a bag of shit.

Whatever happened to shows like Mork & Mindy? That show was awesome.
It's a shame those two talented kids never got another break. I hear that
they're doing dinner theatre in Montclair, New Jersey.

Whoopi Goldberg has a new show. Unwatched, I can tell you that it is awful.
My cock ring is funnier than Whoopi Goldberg. Some people fall out of the
ugly tree. Whoopi Goldberg fell out of the ugly airplane where her impact
took out Ugly Forest. And the show is probably too Jewish.

John Larroquette has a new sitcom. He is simply too tall to be adequately
funny.

Everyone is raving about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I don't get
it. Straight guys never asked to look like gay men. If gay men want to
perform a service for the male, heterosexual community; they would visit our
wives and girlfriends, and give them tips on giving head and enjoying anal.

Turn off your television. Get on your home built custom motorcycle, and go
terrorize the townsfolk.

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MAIL FROM OUR FANS:
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----- Original Message -----
From: Eva***@***.com
Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2003 9:05 PM
Subject: this site is something to be .....

Listen i wanted to tell you that some of your stuff in intersting,
but the 1 tee-shirt that you listed with the guy and the baby !!!
i didnt know she was 3??? what the fuck are you people thinkin???
that is just very disgusiting !!!! that is something that should
not be in any site .. thats not funny!!!! and you should also make
this an adult site only for the things that you say and show in here!!! ..

(Editor's Note: Making the site child proof is number 687 on my list
of priorities. Idiot proofing is first.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: Mik***@aol.com
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2003 12:13 PM
Subject: That pot leaf shirt

I think that pot leaf shirt is ridiculously stupid.
Any good american would never crack a joke about international terrorism-
You should take that shirt off the market before you start catching some
real shit for it. Funny is funny and sick is sick but that shirt is just
fucking gay.

(Editor's Note: "before you start catching some real shit..." That sounds
like a terrorist threat to me...and that's just fucking gay.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: "Fr***@**voice.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 09, 2003 4:22 PM
Subject: Fraudulent Order

My teenager says she did not order anything, she was just looking on your
website. But she received a sweatshirt and we've been charged for it
somehow. And I am not happy.

(Editor's Note: We, on the other hand are thrilled. Our mind control
experiments, and credit card guessing psychics are finally starting to
pay off)

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The school year has just begun and already the shootings have started.
Who would have thought the 3 Rs would be reading, writing, and reloading?
Stay in school, but out of the line of fire.

Peace over and out