09/25/03

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SHIRTS ON THE CUTTING EDGE
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If you're like me, you love to pirate music. I can think of a lot better
things to do with a 12 year old girl than slap her with a lawsuit.
(No, no, not that: just some yard work, and maybe my laundry.)

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=251

If you're like me, you always get up in the middle of the night and head
to the kitchen for a snack. This shirt was inspired by one of those trips.

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=252

If you still think you're like me; and if you do I'm sorry to hear it, you
love to surf the internet while taking a hit off of your favorite bong.
Chong is going to jail, and while buying this shirt won't help him, it will
help me. And I need help.

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=253

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Britney and Madonna: The Kiss by Ivan Youngblood
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I know that Madonna wrote a children's book, but I wanna talk about her
disgusting kiss with Brittany and Christina. She totally took advantage of
2 innocent girls that idolize her and would do anything to impress her. She
is a faggot and she is going to HELL for it. That's not entertainment. She
is a faggot and ANY GUY THAT ENJOYS WATCHING THAT IS A
FAGGOT. That's right, any guy that enjoys watching 2 girls kiss, is GAY
and wishes that they too were in a same sex relationship. If you are pissed
off when you read this, it means that you are a FAGGOT. GOD HATES
FAGGOTS. Her daughter is going to be scarred for life from that display.
America will burn for what she did and it is that kind of moral decay that
led us into Sept 11th.

Madonna if you are reading this, if you want to be shocking, take a tip from
the INVENTORS of punk Avril Lavigne and Good Charlotte.

(Editor's Note: While this is out of character, I'd like to apologize for
the previous article. It wasn't so much submitted, as it was found scrawled
on the wall of Ivan's cubicle written in what we can only assume was his own
feces. (We all tasted it, and it while we agreed it was feces, we can't be
sure it was his.) Oh, and Ivan is as gay as the waiters at Nobu, Malibu
if you know what I mean. Tim, I know you do.)

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REAL MAIL FROM REAL IDIOTS
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I'm pleased to announce that all of our letters this issue contain
not just the usual complaints about our content, but also some
terrific, personal attacks (especially the last one, but don't skip ahead).

From: Nick***@****.com
Sent: Saturday, September 20, 2003 11:23 PM
Subject: Re: Shirt questions

You know you have to be the rudest bunch of inbred redneck morons on the
planet. Just where do you get off being so rude to people. I sincerely hope
that you all get exactly what is coming to you.

(Editor's Note: We always get what's coming to us, provided these idiots
include the correct zip code when they send it, and that it gets past the
bomb sniffing Laotian children we have screening our mail. And since
our parents were second cousins, we're not truly inbred )

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----- Original Message -----
From: Rich69@***.com
Sent: Saturday, September 12, 2003 8:39 PM
Subject: bullshit

I'm sick of your stupid bullshit newsletters. You dumb fucks think we're
going to believe that you're rich? From selling t-shirts on the internet?
give me a fucking break. Maybe you're rich (which you're not)
because you suck so much dick and do it so well.

fuck off. And your t-shirts suck anyway.

-Rich

(Editor's Note: When I read this, the champagne literally came out of my
nose. I noticed a few drops on the face of my 18kt white gold Corum
watch, the one with the full-pave diamond case. So I threw it away.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: <Florida***@***.com>
Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2003 2:18 PM
Subject: Re: FW: T-Shirt Hell Back To School Special

Some stuff is very funny, some is out of my league. Unfortunately, I agree
with you about the fall tv schedule, without the expletives. What would
happen if you wrote without the @$%#? You are too funny to need the
#@*$% stuff to make it humerous!
Love, MOM

(Editor's Note: This is an honest to God email from my mom. You know what I
say to this? FUCK YOU MOM! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK
YOU! Now be quiet and go watch Matlock. And what do you know about
humorous? You can't even spell it!)

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I'm going to end this with a bit of a tease. If you think we have the
coolest, craziest, most offensive products on the internet you haven't seen
anything yet. We have a whole new category / product line coming out in
October and it's going to blow your tiny little minds.

So start saving your pennies.

Peace on all of you!