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newsfromhell

It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME BANALITY???

October is finally here and everyone in America is buzzing about our favorite national pastime. No, I'm not talking about processed foods and racism. I'm talking about baseball. The Major League playoffs are here and you can feel the manufactured, insincere excitement in the air. So in the immortal words of Hank Williams Jr., ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL! Go Celtics!

Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon applied for -- and were granted -- a marriage license late Saturday in Las Vegas, according to the Clark County's Marriage License Bureau.  Rick Salomon is best known for starring in, and selling the Paris Hilton sex tape.  People wondering why Anderson would get involved with this douchebag need to remember that her last round of plastic surgery involved replacing her brain with salt water taffy.  Salomon plans to release the honeymoon sex tape in IMAX format in order to display her breasts at their actual size.

In sports news, the Mets suck.

In political news, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced Bill Johnson) recently stirred up controversy when he said there were no homosexuals in Iran. Never one to make an uninformed statement, Ahmadinejad previously had butt-sex with every man in Iran to see if any of them liked it. Turns out he was right. On behalf of America, I'm sorry we doubted you. Now go back to that sandpit you call a country, Saddam Lite.

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New Shirts

You know what time it is? No, put away that rubber fist and those Mickey Rooney pictures. It's new shirt time.

We have shirts for people who hate the Mets, or anyone interested in making a Mets fan cry.  We have shirts for people who want to keep people down, or for people interested in cock blocking Jesus.  We have a shirt you should already know about, as well as one for people who you want to lend a helping cock.  And whatever you do, don't tase me, bro.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_100107_news.htm

long division

You think you're so fucking clever.

We always have topical idea contests in addition to our regular no holds barred submission contest.  Currently we're looking for shirts that mock our environmental crisis.  So, if you win your friends will instantly be more environmentally friendly as they turn green with envy.  Then just run them through a wood chippper and use them for mulch.

long division


ATTICA!Attention my fellow followers: Join me in my fight to free the Jena 6. Now...no one I know is involved in this situation and I don't know the details of the case, but that shouldn't stop you from following me in lockstep in this fight that I'm telling you is just. Don't question me or read up on the facts for yourself, just do what I did. Listen to some ego-driven, obsolete civil rights leader shout "RACISM!" and take up arms with him. It's not like an angry man shouting nonsense to a mindless crowd ever caused any problems.

After all, this isn't about fighting for what's right. This is about feeling like you're fighting for what's right. I'm not relevant but it means a lot to convince myself that I am. That's why it's important for us to create a cause, despite the fact that there are no worthwhile causes left to fight. Don't write things off as isolated incidents. There's no such thing. If a man in Toledo beats a drifter to death with a cinder block, don't just accept it as the act of a crazy bastard. Rally 10,000 people together and put an end to cinder block murders.

Similarly, if a racist teenaged asshole hangs a noose in a tree and another racist teenaged asshole beats the shit out of him and you don't like the judgment that the court hands down, you can't just acknowledge that the situation sucks and that there will always be a handful of ignorant bigots in the world. We have to make sure that every single person in America is tolerant and no judge in the nation can so much as take a piss before making 300 million phone calls. It is vital that we don't let people solve their own problems. That policy is working great overseas and it'll work here.

Free your sheep, and your rams will follow.It is our job, as a pointless generation, to make self-congratulatory mountains out of meaningless molehills. You can thank our forefathers for that. They fought to give us all the freedoms we have today, but we shouldn't enjoy or take advantage of those freedoms. We should keep fighting for them, even though we already have them. So if you haven't done it already, hurry up and sign that petition to give women the vote.

It doesn't even matter that you may be making things worse. So your massive, unnecessary rally stirred up the festering resentment and anger in a large group of people that would've otherwise never given it a second thought. Big deal. What's important is that you got to pretend you were worthwhile in a time when none of us are.

Nappy-headed old man.Listen, I'm not naive. I know this Jena 6 movement will accomplish nothing because there's nothing to be accomplished, but it feels good to get out in the sun for a while and give shout-outs on the local news. It's kind of like when the Duke lacrosse players were charged with rape. It just felt right to oppose the rich white kids. Sure, we ended up finding out they were innocent, but it felt good to fight the man. Even if the man didn't do anything wrong.

To repeat, free the Jena 6. Because right now there's a black kid in South Carolina who can't get his PayDay out of a vending machine...and Al Sharpton is already setting up the press conference.

Comments (40) - View Comments - Add A Comment

beans  10/01/07 5:19 pm
the last paragraph is classic!! lol

John Trevoc  10/01/07 5:47 pm
Well put, and agreed. i now feel sorry for PayDay which i am sure will be labeled "favorite snack of the White Devil". on a more relevant note to the farce which was referred to as a civil rights movement.
let me start off by saying i am black, not because i am black. Simply because so i can pretend to feel a similar kind of imaginary pain. yes. stupid honkey put a noose in a tree. even the whitest of us black people (like myself) can realize the ignorance in the matter. but 6 black kids on 1 unconscious honkey sounds alot like attempted murder to me. lets flip the situation shall we?
lets say for the sake of argument, that i am a white guy (appalling i know). i go to a part of town where honkeys aren't welcome, and believe it or not experience racism from the black community. (of course i deserve it because i might be related to somebody who was once related to somebody who was a neighbor of somebody who once cracked a whip against the back of somebody you sure as hell never knew) so me and six of my white friends decide to find a black kid involved, knock him unconscious and continue to beat him near death. don't worry. my only weapon is a shoe! that cant really hurt somebody. us black people know that now! but there is one difference here....me and all of my white friends go to jail. it is a "hate crime" because white guys did it to a black guy, and my fellow honkeys aren't going to try to get me out. because the law says i deserve to be there..
but wait i forgot.......I'm black. so I'm protected by my hate crimes by playing the all too well know "race card" because we all know that its not our own views against the white community that perpetuate racism. its just them. plain and simple. us blacks just like to mind our own business. we are just trying to live the american dream. like becoming obscenely rich and blowing all of our money on cars and air force ones, and lets not forget the orange soda..... those black people who are trying to blend with the white community are just uncle tom bastards. they are blind to all the racism they experience. living in suburban homes....talking like they did been in school forever and going to college to make a living. they are just trying to kill the race card that we have tried to preserve for several decades! we are going to need that to show the mexicans that we were screwed over the worst by the whiteys! why don't they just get over it. it happened a long time ago. not like us. we still hurt. and should still seek reparations until someone has the stones to call us out on the situation.
Thanks Al! you've saved the day again ( i voted for you all 129 times you ran for president!)

John Trevoc  10/01/07 5:47 pm
Well put, and agreed. i now feel sorry for PayDay which i am sure will be labeled "favorite snack of the White Devil". on a more relevant note to the farce which was referred to as a civil rights movement.
let me start off by saying i am black, not because i am black. Simply because so i can pretend to feel a similar kind of imaginary pain. yes. stupid honkey put a noose in a tree. even the whitest of us black people (like myself) can realize the ignorance in the matter. but 6 black kids on 1 unconscious honkey sounds alot like attempted murder to me. lets flip the situation shall we?
lets say for the sake of argument, that i am a white guy (appalling i know). i go to a part of town where honkeys aren't welcome, and believe it or not experience racism from the black community. (of course i deserve it because i might be related to somebody who was once related to somebody who was a neighbor of somebody who once cracked a whip against the back of somebody you sure as hell never knew) so me and six of my white friends decide to find a black kid involved, knock him unconscious and continue to beat him near death. don't worry. my only weapon is a shoe! that cant really hurt somebody. us black people know that now! but there is one difference here....me and all of my white friends go to jail. it is a "hate crime" because white guys did it to a black guy, and my fellow honkeys aren't going to try to get me out. because the law says i deserve to be there..
but wait i forgot.......I'm black. so I'm protected by my hate crimes by playing the all too well know "race card" because we all know that its not our own views against the white community that perpetuate racism. its just them. plain and simple. us blacks just like to mind our own business. we are just trying to live the american dream. like becoming obscenely rich and blowing all of our money on cars and air force ones, and lets not forget the orange soda..... those black people who are trying to blend with the white community are just uncle tom bastards. they are blind to all the racism they experience. living in suburban homes....talking like they did been in school forever and going to college to make a living. they are just trying to kill the race card that we have tried to preserve for several decades! we are going to need that to show the mexicans that we were screwed over the worst by the whiteys! why don't they just get over it. it happened a long time ago. not like us. we still hurt. and should still seek reparations until someone has the stones to call us out on the situation.
Thanks Al! you've saved the day again ( i voted for you all 129 times you ran for president!)

B-rock  10/01/07 6:31 pm
Black people smell funny, and are lazy...

Szoie  10/02/07 12:49 am
Woohoo! lol Go Hate!

kill jigs  10/02/07 1:32 am
FUCK A BUNCH OF NIGGERS!! KILL ALL NIGGERS BEFORE THEY KILL YOU AND/OR YOUR FRIENDS/RELATIVES. LAZY BLUE GUM PORCH MONKEY SPEAR CHUNKING JIG (TOP WATER) BABY FACTORY FOOD STAMP COLLECTING COON ASS NIGGERS!!

David Smith  10/02/07 2:10 am
I just wanted to let you know you fuckin crack me up. Im a very political right winger that served in the military but when you write shit down its all in good fun. Fuck all these assholes who take life to seriously. Everything about your site makes me laugh and Im very supportive about the humor you throw out there, Keep up the goos work because in a society like ours we need a lot of sick humor to make it through the day.
P.S. I have a personal vendetta against the apostrophe. I believe its communist oh and Im drunk take care.

DJ

FuckDaPolice  10/02/07 9:11 am
All that shits easy to say until YOUR ass is facing 22 years in prison for smacking the shit outta somebody that deserved it. Look up the facts idiots. You think nothing got done?! Why are they all out of jail now? If those bitches in Jena did their fucking jobs in the first place, nobody would have ever heard of this shit. BTW, wasn't Sunshine crying about getting his ass stomped by the po-po a while ago?! Guess it's wrong just when it's YOU huh?

StrangeFruit  10/02/07 10:51 am
Having looked into this story last week myself instead of jumping on a cause my biggest problem lies with the light treatment of the original Jena hate crime - the nooses put in the 'whites only' tree the day after some 'coloreds' dared sit there. The white perps got suspended for a couple of days - FOR A HATE CRIME?. Evidently the LaSalle Parish School Board needs our help understanding how fucked they are. http://www.lasallepsb.com/school_board.htm
The link above provides their home and work numbers in case anyone thinks they can help the situation.

Iman Azol  10/02/07 10:58 am
Jail all black babies before they become thugs.
Jail all white babies before they become televangelists.

Better yet, chuck a coathanger in a drill and line the bitches up.

Alice loves brown people!  10/02/07 11:31 am
Iman, that is fucking priceless!

WhiteDevil  10/02/07 11:36 am
To Strangefruit; One of the most ridiculous arguments I've been hearing so far regarding this whole case is halfwits like you that seem to think the White Kids who put the nose in the tree should get anything more then suspended. Was that a hate crime? No. It was an act of racism, wholly inappropriate in this day and age, yes, but not a hatecrime. assaulting someone based on there skin color is a hatecrime, Damaging someones property for the same reasons is a hate crime, but not hanging a noose from a tree. While this WAS offensive, it didnt hurt anyone physically. For the record, I do think the children in this cases sentences were draconian to say the least, and there was certainly prosecutorial misconduct evident, but NO, you fucking brain damaged, self righteous loudmouth idiot, the people whom hung the nooses should not get even somewhat similar punishment as the kids whom beat the shit out of a guy, six on one. Considering the only thing that got hurt in the act of hanging a few nooses from a tree is some people's feelings, I cannot for the life of me figure out why anything more then suspension is appropriate. Are you sure you know what SUSPENSION means? It doesnt mean they get a parade conducted for them and a big bag of candy, It means they get kicked out of school for a period of time. They will probably loose whatever scholarships they had, and if they were paying out of pocket, money for that semester is lost if they fail for being absent to much due to the suspension. JESUS CHRIST, what do you fucking people want? Blood?"White man offended me! Punish him to the fullest extent of the law!". Next time someone does something thats a not nice gesture and it makes you all upset, just find someone to hold you and you'll feel better, because your a bunch of fucking BABIES.
Fuck off and grow up.

alex  10/02/07 11:40 am
I don't envy much, but I do envy a writer that can write down a lot of the same shit I was thinking...the last paragraph left me speechless...I think I might've just started claping/crying...way to go you make mama proud...*tear*

Mark Stebbins  10/02/07 2:08 pm
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! AND PLEASE NEVER STOP PISSING OFF THE IDIOTS

devo  10/02/07 4:12 pm
fuck the Jena-6 with the same bloody strap-on I just impaled 3 pre-schoolers with!!

christina  10/02/07 4:54 pm
it's ridiculous that people can laugh at things as long as they dont affect them directly. she probably laughs at pedaphile and rape jokes, but the one about cancer isnt funny cause she had cancer. boo hoo she's a hypocrite

hrt  10/02/07 7:00 pm
"You can thank our forefathers for that. They fought to give us all the freedoms we have today, but we shouldn't enjoy or take advantage of those freedoms. We should keep fighting for them, even though we already have them."


soooo true... love it.

oh and i love how people are actually responding to this seriously? Wtf? why are you subscribed to this newsletter, dipshits?

Kate  10/02/07 7:18 pm
WhiteDevil - For all our sakes, please check out a grammar dictionary (I personally like the Chicago Manual of Style) and learn when to use "who" versus "whom". Your diatribe made me cringe a little on that basis only.

mannishboy  10/02/07 9:38 pm
Reading the comments from some of these dunderheads is the very best part of my week. No, month. Wait, Bi-Week? I'm high most of the time so I'm not sure how often these newsletters come to the inbox.
Anyway, I am glad that I'm pretty well stocked up on food and ammunition so when the end times come, and one (or more) of these poorly educated, slackjawed shitheads stops by for some attempted looting ... dead shitheads.
I can hardly wait for lawlessness.

Jordan  10/02/07 10:02 pm
I am patiently awaiting the United Caucasian College Fund & other such organizations to begin forming, because lets face it people, us crackers are quickly becoming the minority & we better start squawking REALLY loud, even start a new language of our own, perhaps call ourselves European Americans? But, you know once we are a minority, the African American brothers will be more than understanding regarding our equal rights, afterall, they've experienced all the discrimination first hand, so we should be golden when it comes our time...be scared brothers & sisters..be very scared!!!

save the rope  10/03/07 7:25 am
Has anyone given any thought to the senseless cutting of the noose ropes? those perfectly good ropes went to waste and nobody gives a shit! Howe would you like it if you wee just hanging around and out of the blue someone just cuts you down. I surely haven't seen anyone rally the troops to save rope, come on people save the ropes!!

NICKO  10/03/07 7:47 am
I am not a racist but I do hate lazy,smelly,jiggaboos because they are a blight on good honest clean living honkies

Frankensteen  10/03/07 10:36 am
Best Newsletter EVER!
Anyone here old enough (or sober enough) to remember what got Al "I wish I was Jesse Jackson" Sharpton hooked on his Needless Media Frenzy addiction? Her name was Tawana Brawley, a young female who clamied she'd been abducted, beaten, raped, and then left on the side of the road in a plastic garbage bag by several Law Enforcement officers. Mr. Jogging Suit & Gold Chains showed up, created a media frenzy, lives were upended, careers were destroyed. Then guess what? Tawana & her mama made the whole story up! She'd snuck out of the house to meet her ex-con boyfriend, got found out, then the two of them concocted the story so her mother's boyfriend wouldn't punish her. Where was Al when all this came to light? Like always after creating a mess, he'd snuck out of town back to his "church" to count the donations his stunt had generated. It almost amazes me that anyone pays any attention to this moron anymore.
Here's Al's "church"
Here's the steeple
Open the doors
And see all the Sheeple

canigetanamen?  10/03/07 11:31 am
I love it! It cracks me up how you tell it like it is. You write what a lot of people are thinking, but are afraid to say. Reading this has made my otherwise mediocre day better. Thanks for the sarcastic wit!

senor pablo  10/03/07 1:46 pm
does the whole "tying a noose is a hate crime" thing apply only to ropes or does it apply to chains and extention cords too? It's just research........really.......I PROMISE.......

Stuck in El Paso Mexico  10/03/07 3:18 pm
I grew up colorblind (against race) in NY but all this racial bullshit.. wah wah, pay me a million cause im black or ur just accusing me after seeing me on video because im black bullshit has to go..

burp  10/03/07 3:48 pm
Its all the white kids' fault! They should have never lured the black kids to the tree with all of that watermelon and fried chicken.

Mike  10/03/07 4:44 pm
It's amazing.. White kids hang ropes from a tree and it's horrible.. Black kids gang up on ONE white student and beat the crap out of him they're expected to get away with it. I guess it's racist to arrest Blacks

Bubbles  10/03/07 5:13 pm
We are the generation that accomplishes nothing, and I think I figured out why. See, for my mom, she had things like McCarthyism, the MLK and JFK assassinations, and Vietnam as the defining events of her youth. What's the first major national event I remember? The OJ Simpson trial.
Not only was that when this race stuff started to get stupid, ("It doesn't matter if the evidence is overwhelmingly against him, he's black so he's being treated unfairly!") but that was when our cultural celebrity obsession started. I don't remember anything about the OJ Simpson trial besides the Bronco chase. Actually, I don't remember anything besides what's happened in the last five minutes. A bridge collapsed in Minnesota? Oh yeah, when was that? That must have sucked. A kid got thrown down and tasered at a Kerry rally for asking questions? Oh, right, that was almost two whole weeks ago. Britney lost custody rights since then and it totally slipped my mind. The president has the right to suspend habeus corpus and detain citizens without .... Ooh, look! Something shiny!

Justin Cider  10/04/07 10:29 am
Bravo, well said. It's sad really that so many of you cannot realize the difference between a prank (childish, yes, but no one was hurt) and a group beating of a person. One is illegal and warrants jail time while the other does not - I'll let you geniuses work on figuring out which is which...

It's even more sad that Mr. Sharpton and Jackson jump on these causes not because they care about the people involved, but to advance their OWN cause. Interesting that the each collect money for their organization at these rallys...

Thanks for mentioning the Duke kids as well, again who shows up to demonize them and collect money - you guess it Sharpton and Jackson. Funny they never bothered to apologize to the kids when they were proven innocent after calling them out on national TV.

Keep up the good work. Cheers!

Josh  10/04/07 12:11 pm
Where the fuck does this "whites only" tree even come from? The jailbirds have even admitted that they asked the principal about it and he told them that there is "no such rule or policy" and that they should "feel free to sit wherever they like".

Apparently, what he should have said was "Heyah, naw, nigga.... aint nunna dat shit at dis-heah skooo. You goes and sits yo black asses wheres you be wantin ta."

Anyone who wants to contest whether or not the black kids in Jena actually talk like this, look at what one of the girlfriends is quoted as saying when she arrived at school to see the nooses in the tree: "Is them nooses? Them be nooses, aint they?"

Cody  10/04/07 1:10 pm
What a minit! When were David Duke's lacrosse players charged with rape? And what the hell is lacrosse anyway???

Shakila  10/04/07 2:52 pm
Free the Jena 69! Let's drop the pants and have an orgy!

Shayne the pain  10/04/07 4:15 pm
what is it with free the 6...is only right if you beat a white?????

The Monkeys are Coming  10/04/07 4:56 pm
I'm so jealous! I wish I was black so I could go around and kick people's asses. That would be a-fucking-mazing! Of course, those black kids weren't too smart. They didn't evin bring any shivs...

Tamara Belden  10/05/07 11:59 am
You need to teach polisci at my college. And be on CNN. They're pretty trashy now, anyway. Peace.

lol omg  10/07/07 2:15 pm
Wow, this affirmative action bullshit has gone too far. First of all, all that slavery bullshit has nothing to do with anyone anymore so the whole affirmative action movement needs to be a thing of the past. The fact is, a white kid hung a noose in a tree which offended people, and got punished for it and that situation is taken care of. Then six niggers (yes niggers, calling someone black just means they're a good normal african american, while a nigger is a worthless piece of shit and is equal to a white trash white guy) beat the shit out of one white kid. All six niggers are guilty of battery and aggravated assault, hell, maybe even attempted murder the way they beat him. They should be in prison, end of story.

Preverse Angel  10/10/07 5:25 pm
Jordan, my sentiments exactly!!!

the kidder  11/13/07 1:08 pm
hanging's to good for them...I read that somewhere, no it was a movie...

Mercedes  11/20/07 4:26 pm
I would just like to say..... WHO GIVES A SHIT about a silly little prank?? yes, it was immature and probably emotionally painful for older black people who remember REAL racism, but I mean GET OVER IT!! It was a few stupid white kids trying to get a laugh. I am not racist an any form of the word, but I do think that black people need to forget about what happened so many years ago, and get on with life...... it's not like they aren't racist towards whites!! and besides, white people are the minority now, so what, are we going to have to deal with " I'm black, and you don't like what I did, so I'm going to call you a racist" for the rest of eternity?? and another thing...... it was not only black people who were hung way back when, anybody who committed a crime against humanity was hung, even white folks..... and while I understand that blacks were treated like animals and were forced into slavery, times have changed, people!! Look in any music store.... 90% of famous people in music are BLACK!! what, white guys got no rhythm?? no, it's just what black people call "equality"..... some food for thought....


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-----Original Message-----

From: Angela O.
Sent: Friday, September 28, 2007
Subject: "They Shake Me" T-shirt

Why would you even consider selling a t-shirt that says that? That is cruel to children and not even remotely funny. I pray that you do not have children of your own and someone shakes them. Please consider the feelings of parents world wide whose children have suffered from Shaken baby syndrome and remove this t-shirt from your list to sell. Have a wonderful Day
Angela O.

Sugar DuckyEditor's Note: As I occasionally do, I am going to respond to this one sentence by sentence. My answer to sentence number one is $$$. But that's generally my answer to every question, even when it doesn't make sense. "What's your favorite kind of pizza?" "$$$" It's made it really hard for me to meet people on eHarmony. So far I've only been propositioned by Scrooge McDuck and Moneybags from Monopoly.

In response to sentence number two, you're being contradictory. Something can be cruel to children, and something can be unfunny, but never both simultaneously. That's like me saying I don't hate my neighbor and he's Puerto Rican. Children being harmed is just inherently humorous. Like watching a fat guy cry or throwing coleslaw at the elderly.

As for the rest of your email, if you pray that I don't have children, why do I have to keep getting these abortions? Looks like your prayer isn't working. At least not as soon as it should. And I have considered the feelings of parents. Why do you think we made that shirt? It totally goes over the heads of babies, but their parents, exhibiting the kind of wisdom that can only be gained after 30 years of learning how to be dumb, get pissed at the drop of their helmets.

Comments (28) - View Comments - Add A Comment

fuckedinthehead  10/01/07 3:28 pm
Angela, you obviously are dumber than a box of shit with a nail in it. The feelings of the parents?! They're the ones shaking the little poop machines stupid and making them more like you! You're a dumb bitch. Have a nice day.

Tristan Hewitt  10/01/07 3:44 pm
I love the fact that you guys are obviously intelligent and well spoken yet still twisted and funny as hell. Keep doin' what your doin'. And thanks for the awesome t-shirts.

babykiller  10/01/07 6:34 pm
fuckedinthehead is right.
That was the dumbest fucking thing that cunt could have said.
pray the idiot parents who are shaking their children?
if she thinks there is a god, then she should
shake the fuck out of her dumbass kids and then
pray to get run over by a bus.
stupid fucking twat.

Brian Newton  10/01/07 6:34 pm
The only good baby is a dead baby. And uhh, parents, FUCK your feelings!

Z  10/01/07 8:22 pm
I think she was shaken as a baby.

"I pray that you do not have children of your own and someone shakes them."

So, you pray that someone shakes their non-existant babies. Umm...ok.

pazza  10/01/07 10:39 pm
Goes over the heads of babies = best pun i've heard all year

KILL JIGS  10/02/07 1:40 am
I ENJOY SHAKING MY BABY JUST FOR THE SOUND IT MAKES. THE OH SO ENJOYABLE SOUND OF HIS BRAIN MATTER SLOSHING AROUND IN THE SMOOTH, SOFT AND AT THIS POINT, SPONGE LIKE SKULL.........WORDS JUST CANT EXPLAIN HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL.....I THINK I'LL GO JERK OFF NOW.

Gary  10/02/07 3:04 am
Simply this....it is NOT a syndrome...
Merriam Webster defines a syndrome as "1 : a group of signs and symptoms that occur together and characterize a particular abnormality or condition"

A baby being shaken is certainly not a fucking abnormality or condition...it's lousy fucking parenting...so, if you're gonna say that little Timmy Smith died from SBS, you might as well say Timmy Smith's parents were a couple of dumb fucking douchebags, who wouldn't know the first thing about raising children to begin with.

Iman Azol  10/02/07 11:03 am
The more welfare trash shake their babies and kill them, the less democrat voters there will be in 18 years. What's the problem?

The only problem I see is if they shake them hard enough to brain damage them and not kill them. Then they'll vote Green.

If abortions are an ongoing problem for you, I've got a branding iron chucked in a drill I can spin up your twat a few rounds.

GoofyBastrd  10/02/07 1:12 pm
"I pray that you do not have children of your own and someone shakes them."

SO YOUR SAYING, SOMEONE ELSE SHAKE THEM?? HOW LAZY DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE SHAKE YOUR BABY AND NOT DO IT THEM SELF. THIS IS WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD, YOU GOTTA RELY ON SOMEONE ELSE TO DO YOUR BABY SHAKING... REALLY ..THAT JUST TAKES THE WHOLE FUN OUT OF PARENTING.

Chazz  10/02/07 2:14 pm
They should make these shirts a complimentary gift with every baby trailer for towing behind bikes.

Byatch  10/02/07 5:28 pm
STOP IT! My sides are hurting from laughing. I don't shake babies... I shake my groove thing instead. It's more fun and less spit-up.

Kevin  10/02/07 7:56 pm
Isn't it the parents who shake their babies? How could they feel bad after doing that? They're the ones who did it!

Evelyn  10/02/07 10:35 pm
I have bought shoes at Salvation Army that are less used than that whore Pam Anderson.

Nadia  10/03/07 4:46 am
I think my baby is broken... It makes a strange rattling sound when I shake it

NICKO  10/03/07 7:36 am
For the adult result of Shaken Baby Syndrome check out George Dubya

'luis'  10/03/07 11:15 am
The whole human species is just useless...
What ever happened to the promise of nuclear fallout if communist Russia gained foothold in west-hemisphere? God please, kill us already!

GEAH  10/03/07 11:56 am
I like my babies shaken, not stirred.

senor pablo  10/03/07 1:51 pm
This is a classic example of people with TOO MUCH FREE FUCKING TIME ON THEIR HANDS. a couple of months ago i got about 2 dozen myspace bulletins about this shit, and apparently the douchebags won't shut up about it.

hydes  10/03/07 4:33 pm
if your iq is so low that you would allow yourself to be offended by a t-shirt *looks around at 90% of the country* then you need to get a sense of humor of somebody who has a brain. on a side note, "please consider the feelings of parents whose children suffered from SBS" WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?

Jon  10/03/07 8:07 pm
Please consider the feelings of parents world wide whose children have suffered from Shaken baby syndrome and remove this t-shirt from your list to sell. Have a wonderful Day

Um, the parents of babies with shaken syndrome are the ones that SHOOK THE LITTLE BOOGERS!

In light of the fact that they put out a bumper sticker that says "Never ever shake a baby" to tell people how stupid shaking their brats is, I offer a free t-shirt idea..
"Never EVER fuck your kids in the ass!"

Eric J.  10/03/07 9:36 pm
Not a regular poster to the site, but did this delusionsal twat just write, "Please consider the feelings of parents world wide whose children have suffered from Shaken baby syndrome . . . ?" Are you freakin' kidding me? Maybe someone else already noticed that most of these parents are the ones shaking their babies in the first place. But I guess I need to hop in my Prius, find a tree to hug, and think of the feelings of the poor baby-shakers.

Uncle Reg  10/04/07 3:59 pm
"Please consider the feelings of parents world wide whose children have suffered from Shaken baby syndrome" Here's my problem with this statement. 99% of babies who suffer from "SBS" were shaken...BY THEIR FUCKING PARENTS!!! So even if T-SH did want to consider someones "feelings", why the FUCK would they want to consider the feelings of the very people who committed the act???

PuppyKicker78  10/06/07 9:47 am
What do a beer and a baby have in common?

After shaking them, they both fizz when you pop the top.

Dalanator  10/10/07 7:47 pm
BABIES ARE FOR KILLING!!!! (end Quote)

Samantha  10/15/07 9:17 pm
I've been thinking the same thing, Gary. How the fuck can it be called a syndrome - as if it's some disease babies can catch?!

PS It's not just parents who shake babies, babysitters do it too. Or at least that's who the parents always blame . . .

the kidder  11/13/07 1:10 pm
I feel weird because my comments are so short, unlike my dick...

Egon  06/11/09 8:41 am
Actually, as non english-mother-tongued person (foreigner for short), I don't understand this joke. Or maybe I'm just a dumbass


joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: Daniel G.
Sent: Friday, September 28, 2007

There is only one answer.In response to your comment (Foreigners are so stupid.) Go fuck your self you Cocky Yank Pricks. Don't ever send me any more e-mails, I've unsubscribed and wont be doing any more business with you.....
Piss Off And Go To Hell

Editor's Note: Sweet bastard son of God, I can't even muster up enough hate to respond to this tool. Week in and week out I have to read hundreds of emails that read like the feeble attempts of someone who suffered brain-damage from a car crash trying to learn how to write all over again.
Well sometimes my reservoir of anger just runs dry.

So instead of dynamiting fish in a barrel, I'd like to give you a topic of discussion for the comments section. Here it is - Zeppelin, Stones, Beatles, or Journey? Discuss.

Comments (62) - View Comments - Add A Comment

fuckedinthehead  10/01/07 3:32 pm
Daniel, don't get your knickers in a knot. We didn't mean ALL foreigners are stupid, just you and your fucked up relatives you limey piece of shit.

crandy  10/01/07 3:50 pm
dude....ZEPPLIN!....totally!

notfuckedinthehead  10/01/07 4:43 pm
Yeah, I'd have to agree with crandy, Zepplin wins in that match. But the Beatles have some pretty good songs. Mr. Sir Paul McCartney esquire of the Round table never ceases to amaze. The dude is like 70 and is still landing Playboy Bunnies. Even though he's a douche, he's doing something right.

johnny  10/01/07 4:45 pm
zep.

Anne  10/01/07 4:51 pm
Beatles. There can only be one!

A Little Slice of Wonderful  10/01/07 6:03 pm
They all suck. Go New Kids.

Brian  10/01/07 6:37 pm
journey. they blow. but the rest are foreigners, and so are useless cunts.

Ratboy  10/01/07 6:52 pm
zep . no contest

Journeyman  10/01/07 7:06 pm
Steve Perry Rocks Dude!

Douche Kit  10/01/07 7:59 pm
Can you fucks spell Zeppelin right if you like them so much, Although I do agree

convict dave  10/01/07 8:06 pm
oh please, please, please post up this snotty brits fucking email address for all to abuse.

Joe  10/01/07 9:23 pm
Gotta go w/ Journey as greatest all-time. I won't stop believin'!

John  10/01/07 9:29 pm
Beatles

BigJ  10/02/07 12:08 am
Beatles for sho'. They were the last of the smart foreigners.

yourrealfather  10/02/07 12:08 am
stoned stones

scumbagstyle  10/02/07 12:25 am
the beatles sucked. bad. toss up between Zep and Stones. unless you'r eplaying beer pong, then Journey puts you in the ZONE.

KILL JIGS  10/02/07 1:48 am
WHAT!!??!! WHO THE FUCK GIVES TWO SHITS AND A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THOSE GAY ASS BANDS??!! STEVE PERRY SUCKED MICK JAGGER OFF WHILE ROBERT PLANT WAS GETTING POUNDED IN THE ASS BY ALL OF THE BEATLES, WITH THE EXCEPTION ON JOHN LENNON, WHO WAS ALREADY DEAD.............. AND WAS HAVING HIS DECAYING CORPSE RAPED BY MIDGETS . THEY ALL SUCKED BIG AIDS INFECTED DONKEY COCKS!

Lykan  10/02/07 3:19 am
If Foreigners are so "smart", how come they can't figure out how to remove themselves from email lists?

sam  10/02/07 8:43 am
did the stones, beatles and zep rip off authentic American r&b? and weren't the beatles just a cheap imitation of the buddy holly and the crickets, the greatest rock and roll band of all time? for not stealing american music, journey must win

snaggletooth  10/02/07 8:54 am
HAMMER OF THE GODS OF COURSE.... FOR YOU NUMBNUTS I'M REFERING TO THE MIGHTY ZEPPELIN!!!!!

Bernie Gets  10/02/07 10:36 am
Ahhhh...fuck all of yas.....The Who, bitches!

cynicalnewyorkgirl  10/02/07 10:40 am
rotflmao @ "A Little Slice of Wonderful".

Iman Azol  10/02/07 11:06 am
I'm a slimey limey (after I was an ass-pounded Arab, of course), but I moved to America and got better.

Nuke the fucking Arabs and piss on the Brits.

And Rush is the best band in the universe.

WhiteDevile  10/02/07 11:42 am
The Stones. There are none cooler. If the intro to Under My Thumb and Gimmie Shelter arent proof enough, well, just drop the fuck dead.

Venkman  10/02/07 1:01 pm
Zeppelin. All are important (well, not Journey). But this is like comparing RATM to Buddy Holly and Richie Valens... Song-writing is one thing, but only Zeppelin had big tone and balls.

GoofyBastrd  10/02/07 1:18 pm
MOTORHEAD
ill take the fish barrel over journey

Alycia  10/02/07 1:38 pm
Are we playing "name four bands that the covers are all better than the original songs?"..

kegler  10/02/07 1:56 pm
Zeppelin - YES
Stones - YES
Beatles - YES
Journey - YES

barstool_prof  10/02/07 2:52 pm
It has to be Zeppelin all the way. Not just the sound, but that classic black-and-white video on the runway in Jersey. Oh the Fucking humanity!!! WOO!!!

Shannon  10/02/07 3:54 pm
Fuck Journey! They have to be the WORST FUCKING BAND OF ALL TIME! I can't hear that shit they call music without wanting to stab rusty ice picks in my ears! So Fuck all of you sorry sons a bitches with no fucking taste! Go kill yourselves, QUICKLY!

badkitty  10/02/07 5:28 pm
Aerosmith

KoolGal  10/02/07 5:31 pm
Fuck 'em all. It's the Lawrence Welk Orchestra for me....

sold for less ska band  10/02/07 8:47 pm
Led Zeppelin FTW

gorilla salad  10/02/07 9:50 pm
I have to go with the Iman on this one:
Zeppelin - overrated
Stones - weakest lyrics ever
Beatles - fags
Journey - wholly unacceptable
RUSH - for 33 years, out-fucking-standing!

Evelyn Parker  10/02/07 10:34 pm
Dude, that pic looks like Steve Perry.

Metalhaid  10/03/07 1:17 am
GoofyBastrd, MOTORHEAD BY A FUCKING LIGHT YEAR. I'd have your baby if I wasn't spayed.

NICKO  10/03/07 7:41 am
Lemmy is God, Rollins rocks but Kylie is IT !!

senor pablo  10/03/07 1:59 pm
Megadeth = most balls of any band ever. Dave mustaine was Kicked out of metallica for doing too many drugs back in the day when lars ulrich was going through a pound of hash a day and james hetfield was draining a keg every 3 hours. so the guy went out and did more fucking drugs and started his own band. plus you gotta love a band who does songs titled "set the world afire" and "Into the Lungs of Hell" Megadeth all the way bitches!!!!!!

billbudd  10/03/07 3:09 pm
No argument - Beatles. Hey senor pablo I saw Megadeth about two weeks ago, in a night club near St. Louis, and they totally kicked my ass.

Fantastic Foreplay  10/03/07 3:42 pm
I like Americans, even when they're trying to insult others they manage to confirm what the rest of the world knows...y'all don't know shit! Most of you shouldn't be left alone with sharp objects. I mean dudes, what a set of retard douches, whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean....you can't even speak the language. Have a nice day.

Stuck In El Paso Mexico..  10/03/07 3:42 pm
I just like the "Cocky Yank Pricks" coming from NY and having the Army move me to Huntsville AL, and now EL Paso TX (Mexico) and I never heard so much Yankee talk my whole life.. but my point is let us northerners be yanks and let the toothless redneck hicks have there own category.. Don't generalize USA as we have many race wars we still have the North VS South fight also.. Stupid immigrants.. Learn something...

whatever  10/03/07 4:12 pm
Zepplin until you get sick of it; which is usually after 2 songs b/c the fuckers are so long...

Beatles b/c they are shorter songs and make no fucking sense but get stuck in your head anyway...

But... a tie.

G S  10/03/07 9:42 pm
Beatles, no contest

G S  10/03/07 9:45 pm
WAIT! Is it too late to change my entry? DAMMIT!

I'd like to say the Highwaymen... or maybe the Mama's and the Papa's, but I fear I may blow everyones minds....

Jack  10/03/07 10:27 pm
gotta be the stones...
and YEAH!! BEER PONG!

dsdgdfgh  10/03/07 11:14 pm
I dunno, lol.

Journey I guess.

carley  10/04/07 12:26 am
if you aren't a native american you're a foreigner - so that makes the vast majority of us stupid.

this Guy  10/04/07 4:30 pm
fuck all of that noise...the only thing worth listing to is Job for a Cowboy

Misguided One  10/04/07 4:32 pm
job for a cowboy is good but man gotta give it to Jimi Hendrix

Ominojacu  10/04/07 8:07 pm
If six white guys beat the hell of out a innocent black guy in retaliation for someone elses racist actions. The same people Shouting free the Jena 6 would instead be shouting kill the Jena 6. Me, I plan on going to taning salon alot.

Living Dead Girl - The Chikkinslayer  10/04/07 8:42 pm
Zeppelin.

jesusfetus  10/04/07 8:49 pm
led zep outta those four...

slayer dominates all....now shut the fuck up

Mike Hunt  10/04/07 10:20 pm
What choices! I say whichever has the MOST dead guys in their past lineups.( would that be the beatles, or journey? I mean, I KNOW all of journey is "kinda" alive, but didn't their career end about 20+ years ago?) & Just because one comes from the UK, does not mean they have to be such a fucking prick! That guy sounds like he jerks off to Piers Anthony blowing Simon........

Stefan Babjak  10/05/07 3:30 pm
Zeppelin all the way journey blows nuff said

erthwjim  10/06/07 3:28 pm
Sure England may have Oxford, but people from all over the world want in on MIT, Cal Tech, Harvard, Stanford, USC, UCLA, etc..... America is so stupid, yet you all want to come here.

American Blondie  10/08/07 12:23 pm
Awwww.....the little island nation person is able to communicate in English...bless his heart, because if my knowledge of History serves me right, he and the rest of those Limey Fuck Islanders were a cunt hair shy of speaking a hybrid of Deutsch-Japanese a mere 50 years ago, if it weren't for us Cocky-Yank-Pricks.....time seems to have healed that wound of humiliation and embarrasement for being Nazi sympathizers and downright little Pussies,(ohhh let's just lay down and let the Nazi's take over Europe, London, save the Queen.... So go suck the clit of your dumb Cunt, Douch-bag, elitist, Former Nazi Queen and her Bilderbeg member, faggot Husband, have a pint with your poofter rugby 'mates' and thanks for proving that.....INDEED, Foreigners ARE so stupid, LOL.

American Blondie  10/08/07 12:26 pm
ooppss......Def Leppard!!!!!

Tommy  10/11/07 3:53 pm
C'mon. Led Zepplin the original "Lip Sync" band. Page really didn't learn to play guitar until 1983. He still doesn't actually record. The Beatles, man they did okay for a bunch of gay brits. It's Journey, all the way. They were so good, Harold Ramis (greatest film maker ever) used them in one of the most pivotable scenes in movie history. In Caddyshack, Dinunzio, complains of the weight of Al Czerveks golf bag, Czervek (played by the greatest actor of all time, Rodney Dangerfield) says and I quote. "Are you kidding. When i was your age I would lug 50 pounds of ice up 5...6 flights of stairs. Dinunzio, says "So What"!? Al responds. So What? So lets Dance!!!!!!! He ripps the cove off of the car stero on his golf bag and cranks it. Journey's Anyway you want it!!!! Blaring through out Bushwood, To the ire of on Judge Smails.
Journey! Journey! Journey!
Thanks for giving this discusiion a forum, it's long overdue.

Lovin, Touchin' Squeezin..... Tommy

Laura  10/12/07 6:03 pm
They're all great. But nothing beats hitting the bong and listening to the White Album. Except maybe listening to Pink Floyd and hitting the bong.

Samantha  10/15/07 9:24 pm
Zeppelin? Highly over-rated. Journey? Who the fuck are they? Do they even have any songs anyone under 30 has heard of for fuck's sake? At least the Beatles and the Stones still get played on the radio.

Amanda  10/20/07 6:55 pm
Sam, I'm 18 and I listen to Journey and can remember listening to Journey at the age of 7. All you stupid young mother fuckers think good music is bands like: My Chemical Romance, Red-Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Plain White-Ts.

Ask your mom or dad if they have any cassettes of their from the 80's. Then you'll know what good music is. Oh, and try some late 70's too. And the 90's weren't too bad. There is your good music. All the new bands today are just ripoffs of older, better, more talented bands from years ago.

Mercedes  11/20/07 4:14 pm
Now, I'm curious to know what people in other countries say about Americans when no one's around.... I'm Canadian, and I have to admit, I hear alot of jokes about so-called "pig-fucking" Americans, so how can anyone get mad about the States just fighting back?? Every person in every nation needs to look around them..... despite the fact the "all foreigners hate America", every day, thousands upon thousands are leaving their home countries for America..... if Americans are all stupid, cousin kissing, toothless, racist yokels, then WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SO MANY DAMN IMMIGRANTS!!!!!!!?????


division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Matt B.
Sent: Sunday, September 30, 2007
Subject: REAL hate mail!!

I get your monthly e-"news"letter and, to my dismay, the hate mail section sucked. All the mail was fake crap from no-life geeks who want to see their scribble on the world wide web. I'd rather read garbage from evangelists and vigilantes who think your not funny than a bunch of kindergarten drop-out, Nintendo video game testers who THINK they're funny. Bring back the real hate mail.
~Matt

Dear T-Shirt Hell.... Love, CorkyEditor's Note: Here's the thing, Matt. There's only so much I can say when I read "[Shirt description] is offensive and immoral. Please remove it." How many variations of me calling someone a retard do you want to read? So forgive me if from time to time I respond to people who say something a little different, however insincere and baited it may be.

Furthermore, those people warrant a trashing too. If someone is writing in just to see their nonsense on the internet, they are utterly pathetic and deserve to be called out. I am not validating them, I'm just exposing them as the lame twats they are.

Like you, for example. Your email carries no weight with us; I'm simply sharing your brain with the world. You've accomplished nothing, and ten seconds from now you'll be forgotten, but it's fun for our little community of hate-filled bastards to get together and laugh at people like you, if only for a moment. So you've done what you were put on Earth to do. Feel free to kill yourself now. There are other people in that special needs facility that want your chair. .

Comments (19) - View Comments - Add A Comment

babykiller  10/01/07 6:42 pm
What is wrong with these yuppie cocksuckers that have to use quotations in their fucking emails?
It's a cocksucking email, it's not shakespeare you fucking "douchebag".
And bring back old hate mail?
Yeah, they will dig through the garbage and send it to you right away shit for brains.

Austistic Dolphin  10/01/07 7:16 pm
These newsletters have gone downhill...

Maybe I've been desensitized, but I feel like the ones I read a few years back have more wit to them. The ones now are a bit tired.

Retarded Ape Superhero  10/01/07 7:53 pm
The e-mails don't seem to contain death threats any more. In my opinion, the shirts just aren't as upsetting as they use to be, which probably helps sales. On the other hand, T-Shirt hell was based on appealing to small sects of people while upsetting everyone else and it should still be.

KILL JIGS  10/02/07 1:56 am
I SAY OLD CHAPS, I MUST UNFORTUNATELY AGREE WITH THE PRIOR CENSUS. THE 'WORSE THAN HELL' SHIRTS WERE QUITE TO MY LIKEING, AND I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF THE HITLER AND NIGGER SHIT AGAIN. IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, WELL THEN.....GO FUCK YOURSELF AND SUCK GODS TWAT.............KILL ALL STUPID FUCKS!! (THIS INCLUDES NIGGERS)

Mike the Mercyless  10/02/07 10:56 am
For a change one of the letters has a valid point. Strange as it is I have to agree with Matt B, Austisic Dolphin, Retarded Ape Superhero, and KILL JIGS...... However in the case of KILL JIGS.... Using the CAPS LOCK to type your message is REALLY fucking annoying. Only people who's mothers were raped by a retarded chimp or by some other member of their family do this. SORT YOUR SHIT OUT!!!

CB Run  10/02/07 11:01 am
I can't believe you put up the board members addresses! You rock! SO do these fucked up t-shirts! I love them - make more - sell more - be all that you wanna be! Fo Shizzle my Nizzles!
CB Run

Iman Azol  10/02/07 11:12 am
Just make more anti-Arab shirts, and the death threats will roll in.

They won't actually follow through, of course, because my fellow Arabs are cock-receiving faggots and cowards to boot.

Just tell them the Prophet (may Allah bless his name) has a camel fetish.

Alice loves brown people!  10/02/07 11:40 am
Now what's funny is when you get people to stop checking up on you in Morocco by telling them a Saudi guy just offered your friend 500 camels for you, so they know your little white ass is well-taken-care-of. Talk about a camel fetish!

badkitty  10/02/07 5:31 pm
Hatemail about......lack of hatemail. Sounds like somebody needs to either smoke more weed or get laid.

Metalhaid  10/03/07 1:20 am
Iman Azol: You're like the only kewl Semetic dude I've ever heard of. When we blow up your city, I'll make sure your death is swift and painless.

NICKO  10/03/07 7:54 am
He does have a point.....oh yeah kill all niggers

senor pablo  10/03/07 2:06 pm
Iman: you mean mohammed Doesnt have a camel fetish? i thought the koran said the arab people came from the sticky mess dribbling down a camels leg after thesexual congress between Mohammed and a herd of said camels shortly after being stung in the cock by a thousand scorpions? Maybe my translation was off......hmmmmmm

Stuck In El Paso Mexico  10/03/07 3:52 pm
I have nothing better to do then sit here and read this crap because I just had a fuckin hip replaced.. what the fuck kind of life does someone have bitching that the hate mail is not good enough. If I could have as much free time as these people who are nothing more then a waste of skin and organs I think I would put it to some better use. btw im not some old dude, im 25 and got fucked up in Iraq..

Dodger  10/03/07 4:54 pm
Stuck in El Paso... You got fucked up in Iraq? Whoah. Most of the people who fight for this country get shot or blown up there and shit. I didn't know the Iraquis were resorting to butt-terrorism.

Mind you I'm not complaining about them getting shot. Anyone who enlists in the infantry should know they're signing up to be cannon fodder. The fact that they don't just reinforces Darwin's ideas.

Of course, they might not be in the Infantry. They might be in the Marine Corps of the Navy. You know, the ELITE cannon fodder.

Chris  10/03/07 9:06 pm
Led Zeppelin is definitely the way to go. I like all classic rock but come on guys, let the Led out.

Misguided Child  10/04/07 4:46 pm
fuck you dodger...hmm sounds like someone who doesn't have to balls he claims to have...well wait your the kind of guy who gets off making fun of people serving our country because you think they are all dumb for doing a job that would make you shit your pants just thinking about yelled at by someone of authority...ohh big man you are, you think your funny and edgy and cool, when oh yeah you just hid under the bed when that car back-fired outside your house...oh poor baby maybe when you have grown a brain to regulate your hormone output to magically grow you a sack maybe you can put some golf balls in them and feel like a "man" for the first time in your life

jesusfetus  10/04/07 8:42 pm
hmm..so your saying signing your life away for free college with the strong possibility of being killed under pseudo morals makes you a real man...thats interesting......I would make this comment longer but its rather pointless being that the person its directed to is wearing a blindfold.

Stefan Babjak  10/05/07 3:40 pm
For all you fucknuts who are trashing the newsletter for not being "edgy" enough for you blow it out your ass. If you can find the time to unglue your calloused hands from your daily beaten meat stick then write some shit yourself. Theres a reason she's has a contest to find more shirt ideas becuase that psycho shemale is all out of hate. Shes too busy counting here money and molesting her butlers to worry bout that shit. But to give her a break she still has it to write newsletters that are funny as fuck, and unless your gonna contribute in someway shut the fuck up and continue being pathetic.

slap-happy knuckler  10/05/07 5:23 pm
a website full of cunts, none bigger than the editor herself.


does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Message-----

From: Carolyne L.
Sent: Saturday, September 29, 2007
Subject: A problem with one of your shirts

Hi. Just had a nosey through your site and recently came across "My dick cures cancer. It's a shame I won't fuck a bald chick". I find this tshirt extremely offensive as I had to go through 6 years of dealing with cancer and extreme health problems due to it. It isn't a great thing for anyone to go through and to make it a laughing matter as you have done here is appauling.

Cancer makes you ugly and horribly disfigured.You obviously haven't been through it yourself or you would understand how bad and stressful for all concerned it is. More so for women as some may lose their hair through treatement, as i did on more than one occassion, and this is a hard pyschological thing for females to deal with.

You need to think twice about what you put on shirts. It would be a different matter if someone was to have a shirt aimed at men and testical cancer for example, the male population would soon be in uproar. I'm not going to rant on as it probably wont make a difference but i felt i had to at least say something. Thank you.

Editor's Note: Holy Mongolian poop, the phrase "Just had a nosey" is reason enough for you to get reamed in the ass by a brontosaurus with a razorblade cock for all eternity. But you managed to get even stupider after that. How did you do that? You are to stupidity what Britney Spears is to embarrassing white trash behavior. You think it can't get worse and then she uses one of her babies as a beer bong while making out with her dad's cock. What're you going to do next, eat your used tampon because you're afraid of losing blood?

Tighten up your shorts Pilgrim.Any time someone mentions that they had cancer while bitching about one of our cancer-related shirts, all I can think about is what an asshole cancer is. Not for being a terrible disease, but for not going the distance when it should. Cancer takes out John Wayne but it surrenders when confronted with this waste of a vagina. Jesus, get on the ball, cancer. I know it can't be pleasant to be inside morons for six years, but finish the fucking job.

And you know why we don't have a shirt about testicular cancer? Because offensive shirts are only funny when you know someone is getting offended, and despite what you believe, men would not be offended by that. Shit, I'm starting to think that a sense of humor exists solely in the nutsack. If you ever meet a woman with a sense of humor, you can rest assured that she has balls. (Mine are lovely, by the way) That's all for now. Remember to pray for cancer, everyone.

Comments (55) - View Comments - Add A Comment

fuckedinthehead  10/01/07 3:39 pm
You crybaby whiney bitch. Take your poor me attitude and blow out you cancer riddled asshole and shut the fuck up. I find it funny. If you don't, tough shit.

cancerfree  10/01/07 3:57 pm
this shirt is actually a public service announcement. i have had my share of dick and, to date, remain cancer free (despite that pesky nicotine habit). so carolyn, the joke is on you. maybe if you had spent more time with a cock in your vagina instead of being "nosey", you might have avoided the whole cancer experience. good luck with staying in remission because no one would fuck you now because you have exposed your stupidity and close-minded attitude. irony. i love it.

Dizzle  10/01/07 5:16 pm
Man, she would have REALLY hated the "I eat more pussy than cervical cancer" t-shirt! HaHaHa....

Brian again  10/01/07 6:41 pm
God I wish you'd publish their email addresses, as I know most won't be checking the website...

Jammie  10/01/07 9:33 pm
Oh, Unnamed Newsletter Writer, I love you.

Danielle  10/01/07 9:35 pm
My balls are really nice too!!!!

cancer survivor  10/01/07 9:36 pm
Yo, bitch,lighten up. I too had cancer and went thru a lot of hell. My mother and grandfather also died from it. But instead of getting all uptight about T-SHIRTS, I actually feel like I have the right to find shirts like that amusing. Kinda like cripples in wheelchairs wearing the "I bought Christopher Reeve's wheelchair on ebay" shirt.

PiddlyD  10/01/07 9:36 pm
What a fucking idiot. Bob Had Bitch Tits. Hillarious shit. Men love a good joke about the impact of losing your nuts. And furthermore, what a sexist bitch. Women have a lot of psychological issues with losing their hair because of cancer? Fuck off. MEN just lose their hair... no cancer or chemo needed. It isn't exactly a fucking picnic for US, either. Of course, leave it a woman to get completely caught up in how bad a thing is when it happens to her, while compeletly missing the fact that other people live with it as an inevitable fact of life. Why do women need tampons, when they're so self absorbed? Thing is, by the time we start going bald, we've had all the ego squeezed out of our souls on countless other levels by heartless bitches, so we don't really give a fuck anymore.

Stefen  10/01/07 10:10 pm
lol, my balls are nice too!

mike  10/01/07 10:24 pm
Thank you PiddlyD, your response was perfect.

KILL JIGS  10/02/07 2:08 am
'Why do women need tampons, when they're so self absorbed?' I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT ANY BETTER. I'M BALD, SMOKE TWO PACKS A DAY, AND HAVE NEVER HAD CANCER (PERHAPS DUE TO THE FACT THAT I LOVE TO SUCK MY OWN DICK). GOTTA LOVE THAT SWEET TASTE OF WARM JIZZ

Dean Smith  10/02/07 2:34 am
"Why do women need Tampons, when they're so self absorbed" Priceless PiddlyD

Gary  10/02/07 3:14 am
Hasn't this lame-ass excuse for a bitch ever heard the phrase "Laughter is the best medicine"?
Maybe if she spent less time whining about her own misfortune and laughing at the problems of others, she wouldn't have got cancer?

Jennifer  10/02/07 7:13 am
My balls happen to be quite lovely too!

Tammi  10/02/07 11:09 am
Hey 'had a nosey' lady. I, too had cancer. I think the t-shirt is great. If one gets too serious about this crap, one would end up sittikng alone in their 'cocoon' and not enjoy the rest of their life, laughing in the face of cancer. I refer to mine as BREASTICAL cancer. Try a sense of humor.

Iman Azol  10/02/07 11:18 am
Shit, bitch, who lit the fuse on your tampon?

I don't think it's a case of guys not fucking bald chicks. It's a case of guys not fucking whiny chicks. Too bad. A few gulps of jizz and the cancer-preventing hormones would have saved your hair.

But I think it's funnier than hell that you're bald. Are you bald all over? Because a bald snatch would be easier to check for cancer.

That's another thing, if the chemo is supposed to make your diseased uterus fall out, why does the hair on your head fall off? I could do a more accurate job with a shotgun and a razor blade.

SquiggleJay  10/02/07 11:28 am
What the hell is wrong with people? If anyone SHOULD find these shirts funny it should be people who have survived cancer! Obviously cancer is scary and it sucks, but if we can't laugh at what scares up, then we might as well just lay down and die. I hope that dumb bitch's cancer comes back. Maybe she'll see the humor this time around.

alex  10/02/07 11:55 am
first, off completely have to agree with "gary's" comment because if it wasn't true then why do all the "non-racist" people's daugters get with minorities...lol and all the "nice" people's breast fall off from cancer???? it really is a phenomenon...Secondly, if people weren't so busy having a "nosey" WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS...then people would stop getting their feelings so damn hurt...it's like those people that want to know what someone that doesn't like them, said about them..well you know it isn't going to be good! THE FUCKING SITE ISN'T CALLED T-SHIRT HEAVEN!

alex  10/02/07 11:59 am
one more thing....what the hell is "appauling" an event where we go to see pauley shore being ass-raped while he's telling his lame ass jokes?...are you going to the appauling this friday?...stupid bitch should've spent more time listening in school then maybe she wouldn't have gotten cancer

kegler  10/02/07 2:03 pm
Did your pubic hair fall out too. If so i'd like to rub that bald pussy and (if it's not too smelly) give it a lick or two.

The Amazing Stick  10/02/07 3:54 pm
HELL YEAH I HAVE A PRETTY BIG BAG FOR ONLY ONE BALL!

Msprof  10/02/07 5:42 pm
Welcome to Cancer Victims' Support group, sponsored by the loyal patrons of T-shirt Hell. Our Motto is, ......

"Shut the fuck up, you whiney obnoxious douche-breathed bald cunt and count your blessings. Just think how much you're saving on hair cuts and shampoo!!!"

hrt  10/02/07 6:56 pm
"get on the ball, cancer!" LOVE IT!

Chris  10/02/07 7:40 pm
Funny as hell. 'Nuff said

Kevin  10/02/07 7:59 pm
It's Apatosaurus, not brontosaurus.

ball paste  10/02/07 8:23 pm
Oh Mylanta, you boys and girls are so nosey on this site. Maybe she will get kidney stones and have birth to some hot asteroids thru her urethra...I cant imagine finding anything funny in that...oh wait...gotta pee.

Bill  10/03/07 1:10 am
I play in a hockey league and one Sunday, I knocked some asshole out cold. I felt a little woozy a couple of days later, went to the hospital, they ran some blood-work, couldn't figure out how I was still alive I had cancer in my bone marrow so advanced I didn't actually have any blood in my blood; they shoved me in an ambulance and shipped me off to another hospital, they hit me with every chemo drug in the pharmacy and then some new bone marrow and bam, right into a coma. When I woke up, do you think I gave a fuck what my hair looked like? Two months later I was back playing hockey. Cancer is funny; get over it or die. My wife had cancer and missed a month of work.Cancer is God's way of smoting weak-minded retards. Only a woman would survive cancer and whine about her fucking hair-do. Congratulations, you are living proof that God is imperfect and therefore non-existent. Did I mention get overit or die?

Metalhaid  10/03/07 1:25 am
You make Pauly Shore cry because you find "the best thing" 'appauling.' What has Pauly ever done to you that you should take his name in vain and drag it through the testical slime (on more than one occassion) and make the rest of us want to puke at the thought of you "just having a nosey" through the site. For fucks' sake, keep your leprous parts to yourself and if you don't like something, then don't fucking read it. DUH!~ Cancer causes retardation! Or, retardation causes cancer. Take your (nose) pick.

Skys  10/03/07 2:41 am
Ok Carolyne L. you see this t-shirt and get a attitude but when I saw this t-shirt I could just picture some fat fuck wearing in the bar looking for a piece of ass to take home (not that this is wrong that's why the gods invented alcohol so fat stupid people can get laid...) I was laughing thinking about this person I mean really who ease would think they have a magic prick??? I would (and I have watched my mother die of breast cancer...) walk up to him and say yea you couldn't handle it any way....
I guess you also believe that your guys 4 inch dick really is 9 inches cause he told you it was.....
Oh the t-shirt about male testicle cancer.... I think that is T-shirt hells next t-shirt contest....

Nadia  10/03/07 5:50 am
hahaha... testicular cancer. How about making a shirt for it... It should say "Now with less nuts"

NICKO  10/03/07 7:43 am
bald chicks make me hard and if they've got cancer of the uterus I'd go fuckin mental

Jen  10/03/07 8:44 am
You fucking rock. Keep pissing people off, keep making fun of all we love, hate, fear and loathe. It's what keeps this nasty world spinning, I think. Rock on, you twisted fuck!!!

Jeff Lamberti  10/03/07 9:24 am
Thank you so much for taking narrow minded fucks down a peg every week.You consistently make my day.And I thank you.slut.

Deanna  10/03/07 10:45 am
I wonder if her sense of humor was removed along with the tumors? A dear friend of mine went through chemo, lost all her hair, blah blah blah...and she thinks the cancer t-shirts are hilarious! In fact, I bought her the "I beat cancer, and by cancer I mean children" shirt for her birthday (which was doubly funny, because she is my daughter's stepmother) and she loves it, and wears it all the time. Grow up you whiny baby.

senor pablo  10/03/07 2:14 pm
Damn....It's a shame cancer isn't painful....Oh wait....it IS...GOOD! I hope your cancer hurt like a motherfucker you stupid fuck! i'm glad you survived though, that way you can get cancer back and it can HURT LIKE A FOTHERFUCKER ALL OVER AGAIN. now SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DISEASED CANCER RIDDEN TWATBURGER!

Stuck In El Paso Mexico  10/03/07 3:56 pm
hungry cancer is the best kind :)

Dodger  10/03/07 5:02 pm
My dick really does cure cancer. And I *WILL* fuck a bald chick long as she's cute. So Carolyne can feel better about her baldity, because perverted fucks like me would fuck her.

As long as she isn't all emaciated, gimpy, or a one-titted freak.

Brandi  10/03/07 6:18 pm
Does this mean I waste my time submitting t-shirt idea's because I don't have balls?

devin  10/03/07 6:30 pm
give me a break! if ya cant have humor you might as well just die!! my wife thinks that shirt is funny as hell and she is a cancer survivor and she wasnt offended. get a life or just die already. too many serious people in this world.
Devin

Ari  10/03/07 6:45 pm
I wish you would let the people who do want to buy the more "offensive"shirts,that you had to remove because they made someone else cry,the humor is the point.if people who see the clothes I intentionally buy and are offended:IT IS THEIR PROBLEM.if a fat,ugly,70 year old woman can walk arouund in public with a tube top,super-mini skirt,6in high heels while walking a pink and purple poodle...we should be able to buy your "offensive" shirts!!!
please make a section of censored shirts for those of us who want them.

have fun,ARI.

sarah  10/03/07 7:53 pm
I've had cancer....and your tshirts about it are FUNNY AS HELL...tell this people to quit whining.

Dom  10/04/07 12:08 am
oh my god,
that was just simply glorious.

Noaita  10/04/07 4:25 am
I actually had testicular cancer. Bi-lateral, synchornous, testicular cancer. I lost them both at the same time. I purchased the "If I had balls..." shirt and people who know about my ball-less sack think it is a riot. The first thing I said to my wife after I found out they had to take both nuts was, "You'll never be able to feel my balls slap against your ass again."

Whitney  10/04/07 11:43 am
Hi, I just wanted to say that i think that your site is awesome. All of those stupid mother fuckers that get offended just shouldnt get on the site. Its not like they have to buy the shirts. Well keep up the good work and keep it all offensive to piss off the hippies. c ya!

Darth Huxtable  10/04/07 1:15 pm
Get a life, or better yet take your own, if you had just died the way god intended you too i wouldnt have even had to write this stupid ....ing comment, but seeing as god is as unreliable as ever, i felt it was my duty to inform you. No one really could give a shit less about your opinion, or mine for that matter, i watched my mother suffer and become like a wasted infant with a huge stomach from being eaten away from pancreatic cancer. in four months time i sat by her bed and prayed that god would heal her or least give her peace of mind. Its only been less then a year since god or who....ing ever decided her time was up, and its bitches like you who make me wanna take my dick and shove it in your bitchin ass mouth. Juggalo for life .....

donna  10/04/07 7:15 pm
I couldn't agree with the editor more. If you have a problem with the shirt don't buy or wear it, and if the shirts on this site offend you, you need to do something better with your life then look for something so stupid to cry about. Or obviously your a cranky old bitch that needs to get laid.

baz  10/06/07 3:20 am
man, you guys crack me up. when i need cheering up, i just need to check out your site and the editors comments are the best!! keep it up

anon  10/06/07 12:48 pm
tl;dr

deaths_little_helper  10/09/07 7:38 pm
She says that anyone who's delt with cancer will be mad by this? My cousin (female cousin) died at a young age due to cancer, and lost her hair before dieing. She would have found this shirt funny, and probably even ordered one or two...if she had any money left after buying the medication she needed...lot of good it did her...

Mike  10/10/07 11:56 am
Douche Kit,
Quit being a suck ass for spelling.
The lesbian broad knows all about it already.

mike  10/13/07 2:14 pm
that bitch needs to laugh at cancer or it will kill her.most people with cancer laugh at these shirts.hell, there's a guy in the t shirt whore page getting chemo in a t shirt hell chemosabe t shirt

Lil Fucker  10/15/07 12:37 am
My balls are quite nice as well.

the kidder  11/13/07 1:06 pm
she's just mad no one fucked her and her cheap wig

the kidder  11/13/07 1:07 pm
keep up the great WORK

ktittie  12/02/07 10:15 pm
I had cancer when I was two years old. I think the shirt is funny as hell. I mean if we can't make fun of ourselves. . .or some other saying.

Oh wait I have one. . .laughter is the best medicine?

Remove the tumor from your ass? I mean SOMETHING is clearly lodged very far up there. . .chill out, it's not that serious


divided we fall

I've Gotta Get This Baby Outta Me - Goodbye!

Man cannot live on bread alone. But he'd die inside a week if he tried to live off your poems, you artsy douche.

Peace

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