HONKY MOMS FOR OBAMA
I FUCKED SARAH PALIN
I AM AMERICAN ENTERTAIN ME
HELL JR.
MCCAIN PALIN (SARAH PALIN HUNTING)

NOT TONIGHT LADIES I'M JUST HERE TO GET DRUNK
THIS T-SHIRT IS 100% ORGANIC
SLAVERY GETS SHIT DONE
I FUCKING LOVE TO CUDDLE
I POUND BEERS FOR JESUS
I SUPPORT SINGLE MOMS
FUCKING CLASSY
I DIDNT COME HERE TO IMPRESS NONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS
WHITE FLOUR!
Torsopants

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We believe that children are the future, and that’s why we created Hell Jr. the first and only line of kids clothing offensive enough to be sold by T-Shirt Hell.  It’s for those magical years when you’re too old for Baby Hell, but not quite ready for our adult designs.  Because let’s face it:  you’re never too young to be an asshole.

We did not just shrink our regular T-shirt Hell designs to fit on smaller size clothes; we are launching over 25 brand new, exclusive Hell Jr. designs that will appeal to the young, the young at heart, and most of you idiots.  Topics like school, scouting, teen idols, and just plain being a kid.  But all of them have been twisted, desecrated, and violated as only T-Shirt Hell can do.picture 1


We are now offering kids sizes starting with a size 2-4, all of the way up to a 14-16; and in 8 fun colors!  Are the colors really fun?  Fuck if I know, but they always talk about kids’ shit like that.  So, the colors are fun, and the sizes are super fun.  Seriously, you’ll blow your load when you see the size chart. 

picture 1And of course we’ve made all of the new Hell Jr. designs available on our adult size shirts, too.  Because let’s face it; some of you are fucking retards and even though you’re 25 you’re still struggling to finish fifth grade.  Seriously, most of you are morons.  So, don’t waste another minute trying to master long division, check out Hell Jr. right now. 

These are the perfect gifts for your kids, your friend’s kids, even that runaway you have chained up in your basement.  Hey, they shamed you into keeping that baby you might as well dress it up however you want. Enjoy them, and just tell Social Services to mind their own fucking business.

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WORST.GANGBANG.EVER

I assume you all saw the Joe Biden/Sarah Palin debate. If you didn't, you missed a hell of a show. My favorite part was where Sarah Palin shot Joe Biden and gutted him like a moose, and then took her clothes off and started masturbating with the gun. Or was that just the debate that took place in my head? (And that I later hired hobos to reenact?)

Search teams found wreckage of Steve Fossett's plane in California just over one year after the millionaire adventurer went missing. The man who initially found the plane stated "All I found was the wreckage and Mr. Fossett's remains. His wallet was already empty and he was definitely NOT wearing his Rolex. Also, his eye socket had my sperm in it before I even got here."

In economic news, the market- It did what? Okay, I'm being told- How's that? Alright, apparently the market is- Now what! It seems the- FUCK IT! In economic news, poor people could give a shit about the market and they'll end up getting fucked by a bunch of rich assholes who fucked things up in the first place. And there's your economic report from now until capitalism crumbles.

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg recently asked the city council to extend term limits so that he may run for a third term. He also asked the council if they would legalize strangling hookers with piano wire and tossing midgets from an overpass into oncoming traffic. The council immediately shot down the proposal. Thanks anyway, Mike.

In "thing that happened" news, David Blaine recently hung upside down in New York for 60 hours. People are growing increasingly uninterested in Blaine's stunts, but I must admit I was very impressed. I had no idea a douchebag could hang upside down that long without dripping.

Film legend and icon Paul Newman recently passed away. And since there is absolutely no way to make fun of Paul Newman, I'd just like to use this time to call that guy from Fall Out Boy a cunt.

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Clay Aiken recently came out of the closet (with a cock in his mouth) and announced that he is, in fact, gay. Silly me, I thought Clay Aiken came out of the closet the first time he appeared on American Idol. This story, along with Lindsay Lohan confirming that she's been dating the only female with a face uglier than her own vagina, has been heavily publicized over the past few days.

While the general public has grown tired of these "coming out" stories (especially since scientists recently discovered a gene which proves all humans are gay), they are still very relevant. The importance of these stories is their inspirational value. A few celebrities announce their sexual preference, and suddenly countless others find the courage to step forth and declare their own sexual proclivities. Below, a few examples.

Dustin Hoffman - Has to watch The Graduate with French subtitles while shooting his pet iguana with a pellet gun in order to reach climax.

Kelly Ripa - Every other Tuesday, sits on a dead baby while a homeless man in a Napoleon mask screams "GELMAN NEEDS THIS!"

Elton John - Loves pussy. Can't get enough of it. Asian, Hispanic, black, white, whatever. Rarely a moment passes he isn't neck deep in poon. The man just loves cooter.

Alfre Woodard - Screams "Spear chucker!" at white people while a midget bleaches her asshole.picture 1

Bill O'Reilly - Sean Hannity tongues his left ball, Rush Limbaugh tongues his right ball, and Glenn Beck works the shaft. All while he sucks Ann Coulter's cock.

Eva Longoria - Sets Jewish teenagers on fire while riding a lawnmower in the nude.

That girl in the Harry Potter movies - Sneaks into men's restrooms and shits in the urinals. Then she brings the urinal cake home and feeds it to her grandmother, who is suffering from dementia.

Dr. Phil - Has to masturbate on national treasures. The Liberty Bell, Lincoln Memorial, Statue of Liberty, etc. You name it, it's got Dr. Phil's seed on it.

Reese Witherspoon - Has her Filipino houseboy choke her with licorice whips until she passes out. When she comes to, she chews a used tampon after covering it with marmalade.

Dakota Fanning - Puts on a fake cock, roofies herself, and hooks up with NAMBLA members at a predetermined location.

picture 1Marilyn Manson - After putting on a condom, engages in missionary style sex with a woman in her early to mid-thirties. When finished, he says, in a gentle voice "That was very nice. Can I see you again Tuesday?"

Amy Winehouse - Basically, just sits in dark alleys and waits to encounter a rapist with absolutely no standards.

The Jonas Brothers - Using their tongues, they fish their purity rings out of each other's assholes. It's all innocent enough. They simply misinterpreted Leviticus.

Lil' Wayne - Simply lays back with his mouth open and allows twenty guys to take turns doing the "Sack-dip." Featuring T-Pain.

Lucy Liu - Has to huff the used underwear of fifteen-year-old white males. That's right, it's the exact opposite for those people.

John Cusack - Removes the teeth from four or five sharks no longer than threepicture 1 feet long, rubs his genitals in chum and...you get the idea.

Kathleen Turner - Drops her panties, sits on one of those price scanners at Wal-Mart, and in that famous husky voice says "Tell me how much I'm worth, Junior."

Matt Lauer - Willard Scott, along with 102-year-old Janine Griesmore, throw Smucker's Jelly at his ass while Al Roker pisses on his face saying "Here comes the warm front..."

Natalie Portman - Watches footage of the 9-11 attacks on a loop. After climax, wipes her vagina with a paper towel and saves it in a petri dish labeled with that day's date.

George Clooney - Puts on a Denver Broncos cap, eats a Denver omelette and listens to John Denver. Oh, and then he fucks four models.


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