The Mid-October Thing
Each week, T-Shirt Hell will select 2 lucky freaks from our Myspace friend list to win 10 free shirts! The lucky winners will be displayed in our FEATURED FREAKS section on Myspace as well as on TSHIRTHELL.COM.
(IF YOU WERE PREVIOUSLY A TSHIRTHELL FRIEND, YOU WILL NEED BECOME A FRIEND AGAIN AS WE'VE COMPLETELY DUMPED ALL PREVIOUS FRIENDS, SORRY)
The random drawing will be held each week and all you have to do is become a TSHIRTHELL friend and check your myspace inbox every Friday to see if you've won (you will have 7 days to claim your prize or someone else will be selected).
So, become a friend for your chance to win free shirts RIGHT NOW! That's all you have to do!
CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT OUR MYSPACE PAGE - ADD US!
It finally happened. A Republican had an error in judgment. Whether it was the war, the economy, disaster relief or anything else, they had a perfect track record. Then Mark Foley had to go and ruin it for them. This country was operating like a well-oiled machine with absolutely no problems, but a few instant messages to a 16-year-old boy who had probably seen worse things on the bathroom wall of his high school wrecked all the good work the Republican party has done over the past few years. For shame, Mr. Foley.
But seriously, I have something to say on this matter on a personal level. As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. I would like to say to representative Mark Foley, it was fun while it lasted. I think the fact that I had to play the part of a teenage boy kept a wall between us, but I still enjoyed our time together. Maybe in the future you'll be able to look past my perfectly legal black vagina. Until then, take care of yourself.
Shirts Fresher Than a Summer Vagina
The Bizarro Pope demanded them, and here they are: our brand-new shirts. I don't want to assume too much about the general population, but if you don't love all of these shirts you have no place in civilized society and you should jump off the tallest building you can find. Heck, you can do that even if you do love all these shirts.
Anyway, our latest batch of shirts has something for everyone. Whether you're a videogame enthusiast, an alcohol enthusiast or an asshole/Jesus enthusiast, we've got the shirt for you. And if you're none of those things (perish the twat), there's also a shirt that combines my two favorite subjects: snuff films and Sesame Street. All those and plenty more. Enjoy.
All of our new shirts are here:
We all know school shootings are awesome. I'm not here to argue that. But I think we can all agree that they aren't what they once were. In the glory days of Columbine, school shootings captivated a nation. They even sparked debate among pro and anti-gun activists. People held protests, rallies and marches in an effort to push for legislation.
Flash-forward to the current rash of school-related shootings and the public hardly batted an eye. These stories made headlines for a few days and then quickly vanished. All without the fist-shaking and chest-pounding that greeted the attacks of the late-90's.
Can we rekindle public interest in this increasingly ignored spectacle? I believe the answer is yes. It won't be easy, but with a few key changes we can return school shootings to their former glory. Below are just a few examples of how we can do so.
#1 - Balance the playing field. The main problem with school shootings is the lack of competition. Kid with gun vs. kid with no gun is virtually the definition of one-sided. But if we were to give guns to the cool kids, they would be in a position to retaliate when some angst-ridden Neo-wannabe pulled out his AK-47. Thus giving us a battle instead of a massacre.
#2 - Change up the weapons. Is there some rule that says these kids have to use guns and the occasional bomb? I would be so much more impressed if I heard about a kid wiping out ten of his classmates with a bow and arrow. Or even a crossbow, for that matter. Just imagine turning on the news and hearing "Seven students at Montgomery High School were killed today in a senseless ninja star attack."
#3 - More diversity. It seems like every kid that shoots up a school is a white male in his teens. I appreciate their efforts, but this is supposed to be the melting pot. How about we introduce some different cultures to the world of school slayings? Minorities have more to be upset about than the typical white teenager, yet they never carry out school shootings. They're always complaining about not being respected, but then they sit back and let white kids take all the "pointless killing" glory. So to all you Asians, Latinos and African-Americans: pick up a gun and let your voice be heard.
Along those same lines, we also need some diversity in the fields of gender and age. What's the problem, ladies? Trigger finger doesn't work? As the president of my local female gun club, I can assure you that our bullets kill just as well as any man's, so stop embarrassing us. Go mow down the head cheerleader and the prom queen for the sake of your gender.
And as I hinted at, who says a shooter always has to be a teenager? Elementary students can handle guns just fine. Three of my dead kids can attest to that. And at the other end of the spectrum, who says shootings need to stop in high school? Kids still go to college, right? In fact, college students are old enough to legally obtain guns, making it that much easier to go on a pointless spree.
My fourth and final tip goes to the media. To them I simply say, get more involved. As fascinating as it is to stare at the outside of a school and wonder what's going on inside, I demand more of my journalism. What ever happened to the good old days when reporters got their hands dirty? Do you think Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow would've sat by and simply observed the story? No. They would've gotten into that damn school and blown some fucking kids' heads off.
So those are my ideas on how to improve the state of school shootings. But for those weirdos out there who insist that we should be trying to put an end to gun violence, I have one last tip that will eliminate school shootings. Stop letting losers go to school.
Hate Never Hurt Anybody - Jews Don't Count
From: Jennifer W.
Sent: Sunday, August 20, 2006 1:38 PM
Subject: not funny!!!!!
Your 'arrest black babies...' shirt is not funny and not amusing!! Not ALL criminals are black. What about ALL the little non black kids or teenagers that kill or have someone to kill their parents? They are criminals but they are not killed nor are they displayed on your t-shirts for amusment.
(Editor's Note: We weren't trying to imply that all criminals are black. We were simply suggesting that they are the only ones that should be arrested. Of course whites, Asians and Latinos commit their fair share of crimes, but they shouldn't be prosecuted in any way.
By the way, white kids don't kill their parents. Maybe other races do, I can't be sure because I've only seen them in documentaries and news reports, but white kids have no reason to kill their parents. A white kid's parents are his or her meal ticket until they graduate college. A minority can kill his parents and they haven't really lost anything, but white kids aren't about to screw themselves over.
Anyway, based on your email I'm assuming that, like me, you're a black female. So why should you react so harshly to something that I find to be amusing? Well, that's simple. Where your body has a wad of dirty socks and semi-digested cabbage, my body has a brain that understands things like satire and humor. I don't expect you to understand that, for obvious reasons, but I thought I'd write it down in case one of your two synapses accidentally functions.)
From: Susan S.
Sent: Saturday, August 26, 2006 12:39 AM
I was viewing your website this afternoon, looking for a funny t-shirt to give to my brother. Your "whore of the month" is offensive and wrong. Welcome to Respect 101: There is no slang word that describes a promiscuous man; "slut", "whore", "ho", etc. are all female-centric words. Therefore that = sexist. REAL men respect women and don't call them whores. Women know better than to date a guy who calls them a whore or a slut.
Sorry, but your t-shirts are degrading and just plain stupid. I'm sure they don't make many people laugh (perhaps just bigots) and that women in their right state of mind would just laugh at your inflated ego and blatant bigotry. You're not getting any of my money and I'm telling allllllllll of my friends. We're always excited about educating the public about sexism.
(Editor's Note: I'm sorry, Susan, but I flunked Respect 101. The material was easy enough, but I had to drop the course after I called the professor a whore and carved the word 'slut' into her back with a razor. And based on your definition of what a real man is, real men don't exist. The man you're thinking of is called a homosexual. And the only reason they respect women is because they aren't trying to fuck them and, therefore, don't have to be with them long enough to discover that they are whores.
Why is it women that demand that they be respected are the ones least deserving of it? You know which women I respect? Women with a sense of humor who understand that getting upset over a fucking word is the only thing that gives it power. I get called a bitch all day long and after a while I just tune my mom out, but "women" like you respond like the bitches that you are and you think you're going to change minds instead reenforcing that fact that you are a bitch.
Regardless, even if your mentality weren't off-base, your judgment of us would be. If you had taken .5 seconds to look at the "Whore of the Month" page, you would've noticed that there are pictures of men and women. Jesus, man...stupidity is bad enough when it's informed, but when you don't even know what your complaining about it's time to find something more productive to do with your time. Like parking your car in the garage and leaving the car running with the windows rolled down. Do that and you'll never hear anyone call you a whore again. Bye whore.)
Sent: Tuesday, August 29, 2006 2:40 PM
Subject: The End of August Thing
Dude, Like what the fuck are you trying to do? Some of the shit on your site is righteous, other shit is solely intended to piss people off. Like come on, I can laugh, I love 95% of the shit here. Alot of stuff is funny but joking about a little girl's death is twisted shit man. You alreadey know you are fucked in the head anyways, somebody almost killed you once, but you persist. Oh well, gotta have that free speech right? That attitude is wrong man. Yes you do but use it wisely.
You are a fool who promotes hate and says things just to get a laugh when people email you. Get a brain man, before something bad happens. And I am sure you will call me a bitch and a dumbass, fuck you, stop hating on a global scale. You can still do cool shirts without bein' retarded (Black babies, babies aids, jokin about JON BENET ect..) Cant you present you're logic in another form instead of sarcasm. That Jon Benet thing is too much man. Uncool.
(Editor's Note: Of course I can present my logic without being sarcastic. You're so smart and knowledgeable you probably already knew that, I was just answering because there are people out there that aren't very astute and don't get it as well as you. I can tell you understand things immediately.
And the fact that you only love 95% of our shit is amazing. That is exactly the percentage we were going for. Can you believe that there are idiots out there that have a sense of humor about everything? What a bunch of morons. None of that for you. You have that selective brand of humor that makes total sense and is in no way hypocritical.
But seriously, you're a douchebag. Yours is the stupidest type of complaint we receive. "Hey man, your stuff is great, but this one thing is wrong. You should remove it." If we listened to every dipshit that only wanted one shirt removed, we'd have to remove them all. Then you fucking twats would complain again. "Dude, what happened to the 95% of the stuff that I did like?"
Do you see the flaw in logic? Rather than just tolerating or ignoring the 5% you don't like and enjoying the rest, you want to live in a world where everyone can get the one thing they don't like removed. Until, ultimately, we're stuck in a world with nothing but kitten t-shirts and movies starring Reese Witherspoon. Now...there was something I wanted to call you...what was it? I can't remember. I'll think of it later, you dumbass bitch.)
From: Maritza s.
Sent: Thursday, August 31, 2006 11:45 AM
I am insulted at the fact that your company has a shirt that says My mexican works for less than your mexican. You are portraying the mexican community in a bad way. not only that, it's also a racist comment. I refuse to make any business with your company.
(Editor's Note: I've got some things to do, so I'm going to let our illegal employee Pepe respond to this one. He's got to do something to earn his $2.15 an hour.
"Senorita Maritza, you are muy stupido. I only be in America for 3 years, but by now I learn what joke is. In Mexico we think old men dressed like little boy is joke, but in America they have jokes that mean something. Guess you haven't learned that yet. Instead of getting furioso you can just laugh.
And even if you don't like the joke, it is better than doing donkey show just so you afford to eat dirt sandwiches and tortillas wrapped around chiclets and rocks. You may not want to make business with our company, but I will make business all over your chest. Adios Maritza. Let me know if you ever want to lick my caliente balls.")
Fin - That's How Fags Say 'The End'
Every end is a new beginning. Except the one where I blow my brains out.