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10/13/04

Reality television has hit an all time low with its most recent series. It
features one on one triathlons of dodging, backpedaling, and outright lying.
These Presidential debates could really use some spicing up. They should
require each candidate to answer one question completely honestly, or
possibly add some stunts. The worst part is that not only are they long and
drawn out, but each episode ends with both sides declaring that they won.
Each episode should end with a final event to unequivocally proclaim a
winner. I may not know what either candidate really stands for, but I'd
vote for the man who could eat the most rat scrotum.


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Offend People in a Whole New Way
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We have 6 great new shirts including 2 new baby shirts! Now your children
can enjoy dirty looks from strangers even when they're not screaming
obscenities and smearing the walls with their own feces.
All of our new shirts are here:http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt358.htmIf you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and paste it
into your browser.


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T-Shirt Hell Is Now T-Shirt Hell of a lot Better
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Just when you thought there was no room for improvement, we went ahead and
made our website even better.
We now accept PayPal, Discover card, and sexual favors as payment. We've
also added a shitload of foreign countries (sorry Nigeria) to the list of
places that we ship. We are looking into accepting black market human
organs, but at this point we have to ask you to please stop sending them.
Unless you happen to find a heart that is in good working order. Apparently
I haven't had one since 1997.
Not sure if your friend hates the Jews more than the blacks? We are now
offering Gift Certificates! Delivered immediately via email you can shop up
to the last minute and still provide a kick ass gift.
We have created a members area. Save your shipping and billing information
so you can place your orders faster. This is also handy in case you ever
forget where you live. You can create wishlists to send to your friends and
family so that this year you will get something other than socks and beef
jerky. We will also have contests, and special discounts just for our
members.
Check it out now: http://www.tshirthell.com

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So, I guess Superman V is out, huh?
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I can't get over the fuss they're making over the death of Christopher
Reeve. It's like he was some kind of Saint. They talk about how tirelessly
he worked to get funding for research to cure paralysis. I'm sorry, but am
I the only one who notices that he might have had a little something to gain
if all of this hard work paid off? The man was a human doorstop. If
Christopher Reeve had fallen off his horse and bounced back up unharmed, and
then decided to devote his life to curing paralysis- then I would be
impressed. If Christopher Reeve became paralyzed, and then devoted his life
to finding a cure for world hunger, cancer, or blindness- then I would think
that this guy was pretty heroic.
Believe me, if I had an accident and my penis was turned inside out so that
every time I took a piss it came out my nose, you'd better believe I'd spend
some time looking for the cure for inside out penisitis. I think I would
discover I had a real passion for it that I was previously unaware of.
Do you want to know who you should look up to? Me. Because every day I put
up with an ocean of shit from small minded idiots and big corporations who
want me to shut up and go away. Well it's not going to happen. Not until
they pry this keyboard from my cold dead hands. And that's not easy. I got
this keyboard by prying it out of some other guy's cold dead hands and it
was tough. I had to break all of his fingers. I'm just kidding. He wasn't
really dead.
Oh by the way, the Olsen Twins are cumming to get us:http://www.tshirthell.com/press.htm

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Letters From the Underbrained
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----- Original Message -----
From: <sitt*** @ optonline.net>
Sent: Friday, October 01, 2004 2:34 PM
Subject: REMOVE ASAP T-Shirt Hell End of August Newsletter
REMOVE THIS ADDRESS FROM YOUR EMAIL LIST - THIS IS A MINER'S ADDRESS!!!!(Editor's Note: I think it is unfair to discriminate against someone just
because of how they make a living. I know that if I spent a long day
digging in the bowels of the earth, that when I came outside blinking into
the sunlight, and after I put away my canary, I might look forward to
reading a funny newsletter. Sorry, he'll stay on our list. Now if he was
an endodontist, we might have a problem.)


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----- Original Message -----
From: "Rachel B." <bri** @ hotmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, September 12, 2004 2:09 PM
Subject: Your SiteHi! I think you are a really cool guy and all, and i mostly like all your
points of veiws, but could you pleeez stop making fun of blacks?(and know i
am not black, i just care for other people.(Editor's Note: You'll be happy to know that we've broken ground with our
first ever t-shirt that mocks Native Americans.
(http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=355). For the
record, I happen to be a strong black woman. If my brothers and sisters can
cast off the chains of oppression, surely they can withstand the sting of a
funny t-shirt. But thanks for looking out for us, Whitey. I'll bet you
would have been the kind of master who would have let us keep our shirts on
when you beat us. And then only rubbed salt in every other wound.)

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------ Original Message -----
From: ANGELA W.
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2004 3:12 PM
Subject: dude, I found my shirt (MY MOTHER STOLE IT)Dear T-shirthell.com I E-mailed you guys earlier beacause my shirt was
extremly late, but no worries I found my shirt. My fucking mother hid it
beacause she said it was too offensive!! I purchased the Sorry boys I eat
pussy tee and my mother had no idea I was gay, NICE WAY FOR HER TO FIND OUT
I'M A LESBIAN HUH!?!?!Maybe she will leave my mail the fuck alone next time! Thanks t-shirt hell
for helping me come out to my mother. You guys not only have kick ass shirts
but are helping young people worldwide come out to their unexpecting
parental units. It was on her birthday nontheless!! YOU GUYS ROCK MY
SOCKS!!!Thanks AW(Editor's Note: See how we help make the world a better place? We're proud
to have this little carpet muncher as one of our fans. I can't think of a
better birthday present. All I gave my mother for her birthday was a case
of genital warts. Sorry mom.)

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------ Original Message -----
From: Tee*** @ aol.com
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2004 9:11 AM
Subject: niceWell, you've outdone yourselves this time. Superdead? You guys are about
as classless as it gets. I plane NY is the only shirt that is worse. How
the fuck do you guys sleep at night? Seriously.(Editor's Note: Well first I have a glass of warm milk laced with PCP. Then
I have my girlfriend read me a story while her twin sister goes down on me.
Then I usually strangle a few puppies just to relieve any last little bit of
tension from the day.)

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Happy Halloween. And remember that while razor blades, chopped glass, and
rat poison are all low in carbs, they should all be eaten in moderation.Peace Meal

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If you do not want to receive this newsletter, why did you fucking sign up
for it, you idiot? You can use the link below, or if you're too stupid to
make that work, you can hit Reply and type REMOVE in the subject line. Or
you could close your email account and open a new one. Might I suggest
iamanuptightfuckinglosercuntdouchebag @ touchmyinfection.com