GAY JESUS OFFENDS CHRISTIANS
  	 KENNY FUCKIN' G!
  	 BAKED WITH PRIDE
TUCK ME IN YOU TUCKING TUCKER
I'M JOE THE PLUMBER - LET'S FUCK
  	 FUCK JOE THE PLUMBER!
HELL JR.
MCCAIN PALIN (SARAH PALIN HUNTING)
NOT TONIGHT LADIES I'M JUST HERE TO GET DRUNK
THIS T-SHIRT IS 100% ORGANIC
SLAVERY GETS SHIT DONE
I SUPPORT SINGLE MOMS
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: FUCK YOU.
I FUCKING LOVE TO CUDDLE
FUCKING CLASSY
I DIDNT COME HERE TO IMPRESS NONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS
ANTI-CHRIST '08 (BARACK OBAMA)
Torsopants

space
newsfromhell

 
head

picture 1
I can't remember the last time the future seemed so bright, or a time when tomorrow seemed so full of possibilities.  That is why we have rolled out a new section called Happy Shirts!  They are just $15 each and there are 36 new designs to let you tell the world how you feel about society, the economy, or just about how great life is in general. 

Now that you've lost your house, and you can't afford to put gas in your car, or feed your kids; isn't it nice to know that T-Shirt Hell still has your back?  Remember, laughter is the best medicine.  At least among the options covered by your health plan.  I'm just kidding!  You don't have a health plan you fucking loser. So, take that noose from around your neck, and hop down off that chair and take a look at our Happy Shirts! If they don't make you smile, then they don't make you smile and there's not a whole lot I can do about that.

Fortunately, I don't care.


long division


head


WORST.GANGBANG.EVER

Former First Lady Nancy Reagan was recently hospitalized with a broken pelvis. On a related note, I cannot fit my head in Nancy Reagan's vagina.

The World Series is all set as the Tampa Bay Rays face off against the Philadelphia Phillies. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... I'm sorry. My computer fell asleep when it realized I couldn't turn that into a cock joke.

The NFL has suspended "Pacman" Jones for four games following a scuffle with one of his bodyguards. As if the four game suspension wasn't harsh enough, the NFL also stated that Jones was allowed no secret rapes for at least six months.

John McCain and Barack Obama faced off in their final debate last week. And the winner is...TALKING POINTS! I totally called this one, like, two years ago. You owe me 50 bucks, Morty.

Madonna and director Guy Ritchie have officially split up. So, in addition to relevance and the public's interest, you can now add "British dude"to the list of things Madonna can't hold on to. Madonna gave Ritchie one last chance to save the marriage, but she totally kicked his ass in that arm-wrestling match.  On a related note, I can fit 3/4 of my head in Madonna's vagina- of course that's if I go in feet first.

Sarah Palin appeared on Saturday Night Live to show the world that she "gets it" and that she's "in on the joke" and that she's "not quite as smart as Trig because Sarah honey, in spite of your best effort they were still not laughing with you." Then Mark Wahlberg bent Sarah Palin over the Weekend Update desk and pounded her like an old bass drum. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin went down on Amy Poehler until her water broke and she spontaneously gave birth showering Palin in afterbirth. Then Seth Meyers fucked the baby. Wait, that might have been on Meet the Press.

long division

head

picture 1

The economy is currently struggling to recover from its worst collapse in decades, and, try as I might; I can't find a way to blame the Jews. But that's okay, because even as our mighty Western financial system lies in ruins, we are on the cusp of the American everything to excess season.

And what fun would excess be without gluttony? Beginning with Halloween and extending through Christmas, it is the perfect time to gorge yourself on all manner of frosted/glazed/stuffed crap and spur on type 2 diabetes and hypertension. After all, there's nothing like losing a foot and struggling to breathe to get your mind off your repossessed home.


Anyway, to help you through this economic crunch, I would like to offer you some tips on how to save money this Halloween. And, no, masturbation isn't on the list.
picture 1
#1 - Have years of being a douche made you the target of scorn and derision from neighborhood children? Well don't cry about it, you fucking douche. Use it to your advantage. Do your best to salvage the shaving cream, toilet paper and eggs that will no doubt adorn your house and lawn on Halloween night.

#2 - Snatch trick-or-treaters and hold them for ransom. [Note: Send a finger to the parents to show them you're serious. Also, make sure they have money. You can usually tell by the quality of the child's costume. Avoid kids with homemade or out of date costumes. Generic cowboy, Heathcliff, etc.]

#3 - Set up a haunted house and charge kids to enter. Remember to set up a "No Refunds" sign so the kids can't demand their money back when they realize the haunted house is nothing more than your Cousin Phil exposing himself in the basement.
picture 1
#4 - Your kids are expensive, but how do you get rid of them without going to prison? Never fear, Halloween provides the perfect opportunity. Simply feed them arsenic and claim some neighborhood psycho poisoned their Halloween candy. [Note: Will only work if you're white.]

#5 - Like many others, you may have a boy who wants to go as the Joker this Halloween. Instead of wasting all that time and money on makeup, hair coloring and a fancy purple suit, put him in tattered rags and have him go as present-day Heath Ledger. If you have a girl, she can tag along as "skinny chick who tries to call the cops but then freaks out and flees the scene."

#6 - Just pretend to be religious this Halloween and hand out pamphlets the church gives you for free. picture 1Those assholes always get away with cheapskate shit.

#7 - With the dollar in the shape it's in, just pass out dollar bills this year. At the current rate, that's good for about one M & M or two Chiclets.

#8 - Remember that you're bigger than a bunch of six-year-olds. When they come by your house, you can easily take their candy and use it to provide meals for your family in the coming weeks. Come on, you know your kids would love Snickers-loaf and Skittles salad.

#9 - You want to hand out candy, but in these troubled times you simply can't afford the highest quality treats. Well there's no shame in handing out bargain brand candy. Can't afford Milky Ways? Hand out Candy Corn. Can't afford Hershey bars? Hand out old paperclips. Can't afford Butterfingers? Just shit in your hand and throw it at those little fuckers.

#10 - It's easy enough to cut corners when decorating for Halloween. You don't need that motion-activated dancing skeleton from Target. Just grab your shovel and head for the local cemetery for a virtually unlimited supply of bones. Or you can just hire a black guy to stand on your lawn. Talk about scary!


Warning: mysql_connect(): php_network_getaddresses: getaddrinfo failed: Name or service not known in /home/tshirthell/public_html/miscpages/newsletter/dev/appendComments.php on line 4

Warning: mysql_connect(): php_network_getaddresses: getaddrinfo failed: Name or service not known in /home/tshirthell/public_html/miscpages/newsletter/dev/appendComments.php on line 4
Failed to connect to the database. Please try again.