It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing

Good day, Hell fans. I hope everyone had a good Halloween. Personally, I'm still recovering from a sugar high. Sugar...meth and gypsy marrow...same thing.

The big news from the world of literature was JK Rowling's announcement that Dumbledore was homosexual. Not to be outdone, the guy who wrote the Bible just announced that Jesus had a circle jerk with Judas and Matthew.

Now to arbitrarily make fun of some celebrity who just died. Let's see...ah yes, Robert Goulet. Legendary singer and occasional pole-vaulter Robert Goulet recently passed away at the age of 73. Okay, now I need a punchline. about "He just got Gou-laid to rest"? No? Then how about "From now on he'll just be known as Robert Ghoul"? Look people, it's frickin' Robert Goulet. That's the best I can do. Fuck you, dead Goulet.

In sports news, Alex Rodriguez (also known as J-Lo) has opted out of his contract with the New York Yankees. This is bad news for the Yankees, who've already lost manager Joe Torre, but there is good news. They can sign a bowl of zebra shit to play 3rd base, thus avoiding another huge salary, while still being able to win just as many championships as they did with Rodriguez. Go Tribe!


New Shirts

What time is it? Well, my clock is bleeding, so it must be NEW SHIRT TIME! This time around we have something for everyone. As long as "everyone" is filled with contempt for all of humanity.

Whether you want to piss off dirty hippies or just people who worship a dirty hippie, we've got the shirt for you. Or maybe you don't want to piss off anyone. If that's the case, we've got some other new shirts that aren't for you either. That includes a shirt that either insults or praises Hillary Clinton. It's hard to tell which since I don't care about people who make politicings for a living.

All of our new shirts are here:

long division

I'd totally fuck Ugly Betty in her pooperThe nation and indeed the entire world were recently saddened after the announcement that the Writer's Guild of America had gone on strike. It is imperative to our existence that the writer's strike is resolved quickly, because unlike other workers, we actually NEED writers. If farmers went on strike, we could just grow our own Twinkies and Hot Pockets. And if doctors went on strike, I'm sure my Uncle Larry could do his own chemo. But now that writers have decided to strike, who among us can write our own episode of Ugly Betty?

Writers are important because the masses demand that our entertainment be creative and thought-provoking. Since writers have stopped writing, surely we won't resort to watching a group of skanks whore themselves out in an effort to hook up with a celebrity who peaked in the mid-80's. And there's no way we'll stoop so low as to watch a group of materialistic 20-somethings have petty arguments with each other in a house. That's why we need writers. Because we won't watch literally ANYTHING on TV.

Heaven forbid that we might have to subject ourselves to watching any of the thousands of old movies and TV shows that are readily available on DVD. I haven't watched anything made before the 90's and I intend to keep it that way. Let's be honest, all entertainment made before then was just filling time until modern Hollywood perfected it. People in the past were really stupid. Thankfully we're in the age of Norbit and Desperate Housewives. If I'd been raised on Sergio Leone movies and The Twilight Zone, I wouldn't be able to make thinking the way smart poeple do.

Not only is it important to us, the common idiot, that writers keep writing, but to the writers themselves. I shudder to think of a world in which writers would have to do actual work. Rehashed ideas and lame jokes are the only things they have to share with the world. They'd contribute something worthwhile if they could, but they don't know how. Imagine a scenario where Michael Bay had to construct a building. He'd just repeatedly blow it up or make it say something stupid. That's why it's our job to buy and watch their crap, to make them feel like they mean something. Consider it charity on your part.

If the situation were reversed, they would totally support you. If you were striking for better benefits at your turkey-milking jobs (or whatever the hell non-writers do), you can bet your ass that Paul Haggis and the writing staff from Two and a Half Men would stand alongside you in the picket line. That's why they must continue to receive huge sums of money and wonderful perks to do what every tech-savvy teen in the country does for free on MySpace and YouTube.

Of course, the bigger issue here is not writing, but the concept of the strike itself. People should strike for any and all things whenever they see fit. It doesn't matter if they get everything they were told they would get when they signed on. If the threat of a work stoppage can get you more stuff, you should do it. Don't like wearing clothes to work? Strike for a nudity option. Insulted by the fact that your boss has green eyes? Strike and force him to wear contacts.

Treat the corporation generous enough to employ you the way you treat everything else in life. Don't adjust to fit into the environment which you are in. Make the environment adjust to you. That has worked out great for the planet's ecosystem, and it will work great at your job. So get to striking. You haven't earned it, and you don't deserve it, but you can damn sure get it.

(And, yes, I get the irony here. And, yes, go fuck yourself.)

Comments (25) - View Comments - Add A Comment

billbudd  11/06/07 5:20 pm
I hope the writers never come back. TV sucks anyway.

Inanity  11/06/07 9:54 pm
Yeah, dump poeple suck.

Alex  11/06/07 10:04 pm
Prais Jesus!! Testify!!

Killian  11/06/07 10:27 pm
Aren't all writers Jewish anyway? They couldn't possibly want more money. Or could they?

Lauren  11/06/07 11:37 pm
i love Sergio Leone films!

Joanna  11/07/07 12:43 am
Maybe you should go fill in for all those writers who are on strike. You seem to have a lot to say. As long as you get the irony in your own work, then I have nothing more to say.

Jim  11/07/07 8:03 am
I play around with writing myself and Tshirt Hell is one of my favorite places to read. I particularly appreciate the even-handed treatment; gore absolutely everyone! Go Girl! Your writing is totally brilliant. PS: I stopped watching TV about 12 years ago. Is that crap still around? I'd almost managed to forget about it. I remember when the guy across the street bought the first TV; it's been all down hill ever since Milton Berl.

Jamah  11/07/07 8:22 pm
All of your shirts are offensive. Consequently, all of your T-Shirt designs make me laugh. When I wear shirts I bought from, people think I'm an asshole. Basically, your shirts bring out the intellectual psychic in people. It appears most people are intelligent enough to get the joke/images on the shirts (thus becoming offended) while being able to clearly determine that I'm an asshole without exchanging a single word with me. Please keep insulting the masses and I will keep buying your products.

Fuck you,

Jamah Terry

Iman Azol  11/08/07 9:56 am
I was going to make a smartass retort, but as a write, I'm on strike, so fuck you.

G  11/08/07 12:03 pm
i agree....writers should be allowed to demand more money on top of the millions they already make. it's the same principle as the rest of us demanding another 25 cents an hour when gas goes up $2.00. greed will always feed the machine, but i continue to hope that the mexican maintenance man will eventually be caught and deported.

Collin Abram  11/09/07 12:40 am
so uh, you should run for president. or something. fuck the writers. it's not like we're innundated with "reality television" or enough sensationalistic news coverage to make you wanna never leave the house. good points made all around.

Spekkio  11/09/07 1:02 am
Meh. This essay is crap. It's neither insightful nor funny. Sorry.

Julien  11/09/07 2:46 am
You're right, you Americans should definitely go on strike for just about any reason ! Sure works for us in France !

MIB  11/09/07 9:47 am
Nothing but "reality" TV to watch?! The Hor-ror!!! Oh, no, wait, that's all scripted too! Woo-Hoo! No more "reality" TV! I think there should be a national holiday to celebrate this momentus occasion...and we should all get raises because if it...I want a raise...but as an American, I'm too damn lazy to go on stirke for it.
And HEY!
What's up with the lack of rollover-subflash comments on the pictures?!
Lazy Fuckers.

Cpl. Taylor  11/09/07 6:21 pm
Are you fucking kidding me? I am sitting in Iraq laughing my ass off about all the retards that are getting bashed, and I expect the comments to be at least amatuer attempts at bashing the individual who wrote the comment, but no, you fucking idiots have turned this shit into your personal down syndrome infested fucking blog. FUCK YOU ALL!!! Shut the fuck up and die....all of you.

Beef  11/09/07 6:33 pm
I'm with the writers. A DVD gets sold for $25, writer gets 4 cents. I'd be pissed, too.
DVD gets sold for $25, writer gets 4 cents. I'd be pissed too! I'm with the writers.

P.S. This isn't about a raise, undeserved or otherwise. This is about not getting fucked out of residuals. Don't know what a residual is? Look it up.

lisa  11/09/07 7:33 pm
this is the best thing i have ever read. I'm about to lose my job because of these prissy bastards and it's nice to hear someone is on my side.

Judas  11/10/07 6:00 am
Goddamn, I've been saying that about unions all along. I work a shitty minimum wage job, and I knoew that going in. If my fellow workers wanted to strike, I'd tell them to fuck themselves - I know damn well what I'm getting. Always felt the same about any unions. Sure, they were nice in the Upton Sinclair days to make sure employees didn't die at the line and become an addition to the canned meats [because I don't want any filthy Irish in my spaghetti-o's], but the whole union thing is pretty stupid in a modern setting.

Saddam Hussain's dead spirt  11/11/07 11:33 am
How can you worthless piece of shits pull the Ms Pacman she swallows shirt? Bring it back as a black market item.

Liv  11/11/07 9:54 pm
Fuck the writers for spewing forth bullshit onto society and making people retarded. I hope they all get maimed by a large, poisonous animal.

the kidder  11/13/07 1:03 pm
the best part of you ran down your mothers leg...

Dodger  11/13/07 8:11 pm
Jim: Yes, TV is still around, It's a free beta testing environment for DVD boxed sets.

Stacia K  11/20/07 10:58 am
HAHAHAHAHA! I would have to say this writer's strike is almost as ridiculous as our cum guzzling crackwhore of a president. Your shirts make me happy. Just like your dad. :]

Myself  11/21/07 9:12 pm
Beef, 4 cents for 1 DVD, let's say they sell only 100,000 DVD's. .04x100,000 = 4,000 dollars. 4,000 dollars for something that was already on the air and got them money.

Also, they get about 4 cents out of every dollar, not 4 cents out of every 25, even though realistically DVD's for shows are 35-50. So say it's just 25 dollars, like you said, that's 100,000 dollars.

Half-Mad  11/29/07 7:13 am
The strike is about the money Hollywood makes for internet based viewings. The piracy lawsuits claim that the internet is worth about a billion dollars to them. The writers are on strike for their share of that. To the writers, Hollywood is saying the internet is worthless. Well, which is it? Either allow the piracy, or pay the writers.


-----Original Message-----

From: Tara S.

Sent: Monday, October 22, 2007


Your tshirts are amazing! We were looking at them at work and were curious to the humor behind the t-shirt that says "I'm not an ambulance" printed backwards. Just curious, thanks!

OMG LEGO!Editor's Note: You were looking at our shirts at work? It must have been a slow day at the "Learn How to Velcro Your Shoes Factory." But seriously, I'm glad you were able to find a job. I'd hate to think there were Wal-Mart shoppers who weren't getting smiled at.

Okay, if you must know, I'd be happy to explain that shirt to you. You see, ambulances have the word "AMBULANCE" printed on them backward to make it easier for drivers to identify them when they view them in their rearview mirrors. So the punchline is that Tara S. is a stupid fucking cunt who should be beaten to death with a bag full of old sewing machine parts.

Get it? In any case, we're working on a shirt that just makes fart noises so we can avoid problems like this in the future. Bye, retard that retards feel sorry for.

Comments (21) - View Comments - Add A Comment

dave  11/06/07 8:15 pm
these "writers" aren't happy that there not starving to death or selling their bodies on the street. we could get barbie dolls to write better shit than some of the garbage there is out there. the chimps on animal planet are funnier. i shouldnt say that too loud they'll want a raise too

The7thSon  11/06/07 11:28 pm
It's always nice to hear from the window-licker section on the short bus.

Jules  11/07/07 12:09 am
Personally, I would rather you could refrain from using the word "cunt". Maybe you could replace it with something a little more tasteful like "CUNT". Apologies for being such a FUCKING prude.

Joanna  11/07/07 12:57 am
/hair flip
haha...I don't get it!

NO Nig Nogs  11/07/07 2:20 am
Hmm, stupid niggers cant read fast enough to know that Ambulances say Ambulance backwards on them. And yes, its a nigger not a blonde, and nig nogs cant do hair flips, they iron their hair to make it look like the white people's hair. It doesnt work though, I can still tell they are black.

MtheInsomniac  11/07/07 9:34 pm
her, along with 87% of the people on this planet need to be put to pasture. seriously.

 11/07/07 10:29 pm
"a bag full of old sewing machine parts"

Iman Azol  11/08/07 9:59 am
Actually, no nig nogs, it's booger-eating, mouth-breathing white trash who don't get it. You know, like your wife and sister.

Annie  11/08/07 10:00 am
The really sad part about retard Tara's E-mail is the part where she said "we". This means there were several, more than one, retards looking at the T-shirt and trying to figure out why ambulance was spelled backward. Wonder what kind of aptitude test they had to take to get their minimum wage jobs?

G  11/08/07 12:07 pm
personally, i LOVE how the comment boards always degenerate into a racial conflict. just goes to show that being ignorant is popular AND fun!

Jizz Jazz  11/08/07 3:17 pm
Tara, the shirt is printed this way so that when your boyfriend is giving it to you up the ass, in front of the bathroom mirror, you don't mistake him for a motorized vehicle (like your 12 horsepower dildo, which I am sure sounds much like an ambulance).

Tara  11/08/07 3:40 pm
I still don't get it. Thanks for calling me a cunt.

P.S. My hair is not blond and I don't know what a nig nog is but I'm not that either.

Dawn  11/08/07 5:52 pm
Don't worry Tara, at first I thought I didn't get it either, then I realized, it just isn't funny. T-Shirt Hell is definitely slipping.

Penis McGee  11/09/07 1:41 pm
wait, what? are people actually venturing onto this site to seek out the newsletter section and view the racist shit that people like me find funny and then comment on how it's not funny while offering up their own racism? I'm looking at you Imoan Azzhole. I take it you're brown, in which case your coming to this site is like me venturing into the apollo on "crackas be crazy" comedy night, sponsored by kfc.

atwerpyfack  11/09/07 10:23 pm
oh my GOD. what the FUCK. I can't believe how STUPID people are. geez. Tara S, dear, I'd strongly take that advice.

pissingpepsoff  11/10/07 8:06 am
Dawn 11/08/07 5:52 pm
Don't worry Tara, at first I thought I didn't get it either, then I realized, it just isn't funny. T-Shirt Hell is definitely slipping

no you just need to sit back and see what happens in life. your proably one of the stupid people who won't move out of the way when you see the Ambulance coming becuz it spelled backwards and you don't get it. T-shirthell ain't "slipping" it's just got stupid people looking at their site

FuckDaPolice  11/10/07 9:26 am
KILL ALL WHITE PEOPLE (except the bitches...)

Yace  11/10/07 10:26 pm
"Don't worry Tara, at first I thought I didn't get it either, then I realized, it just isn't funny. T-Shirt Hell is definitely slipping. "
I agree totally. This site is turning to shit. The shirts are just plain stupid and non-offensive. You can find shirts like these at Wal-Mart for 6 bucks less. The site needs to be renamed T-shirt heck. The idea topic last week was "fuck, fucking, fucked up", and the best they could turn out was the forest-fire shirt?? What's fucked up is that some tool got 500 bucks for that crap!! It's very dissapointing!

Hungtu Mynees  11/11/07 1:01 pm
Iman Azol , I do not understand why you felt it necessary to insult Nig Nog's wife AND sister!!!!!
His wife IS his sister.
Yeah, FukDaPolice...kill all white people. ESPECIALLY, the ones with really dark tans who used to voluntarily work for the lighter skinned white people in the South for FREE!!

well, apparently it's fucking cunt like the rest, and you  11/12/07 6:24 am
Wow man, you're even more evil than I!I don't object to it, I just responded to see if you could creatively substantiate a reason to insult me, as opposed to 'He who bears the penis' in my life who doesn;t burden himself with any criteria for creativity

Dodger  11/13/07 8:21 pm
Okay, this is sad. I'm not sure to be more bewildered by Tara, who didn't get it, or the people defending it and claiming it's funny. Tara, you're right, it's not funny. the funny part is that you're so daft you didn't even get how it was *trying* to be funny.

As to the claims that there are racial slurs going in in here, there aren't. I can see why people can be confused, but honestly, that's just a dialect of English called 'Oaklandish'. They're just talking ton each other. It's a warm, friendly loving thing when homies call each other racial slurs. Just like when they shoot each other and jack each others' stereos to sell for hydraulics on their suspension.

joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: cp***92 @ ya***.com

Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Subject: Slavery Gets S**t Done shirt

I believe in freedom of speech, but THIS SHIRT IS HORRIBLE AND NEEDS REMOVED. There is NO humor in the concept of slavery. I am completely outraged by this shirt. PLEASE, if you have any morals at all you will remove this shirt and refuse to print them!

Chad P.

SlaveEditor's Note: You know, it's many people believe in freedom of speech and I don't even believe in freedom of people. Maybe we can make that a tradeoff. People can say anything they want at all times, but they have to say it to themselves from behind bars or shackled up in a shed.

That's right. I want to bring back slavery. And please don't jump to the conclusion that I'm being racist. We shouldn't enslave people based on skin color. We should only enslave them if they like basketball, hip-hop and crack.

By the way, your hope that we will remove that shirt is based on the most implausible hypothetical in history. IF we had any morals? Are you fucking kidding me? Not only do we not have morals, we took them behind a barn, poured battery acid on them, raped and then burned them. Take that, morals. Point being that if we gave a shit about you vaginas we wouldn't design the shirts in the first place. Later, Chad. Have fun wasting your life. I mean fighting for morality.

Comments (32) - View Comments - Add A Comment

billbudd  11/06/07 5:25 pm
Chad I have some very bad news for you. If you have a job you're a wage slave, but I bet you don't get shit down.

fuckedinthehead  11/06/07 7:58 pm
It's true you stupid bitch! You really think the pyramids were built by highly paid union workers? Do the world a favor and flush your head

Xavier  11/06/07 8:48 pm
You effing hypocrites make me wanna vomit ..... correction made me vomit. Your fans of the site which means that you're an insensitive pricks who laugh at the misfortune of others, but when a shirt comes around that makes fun of you or a loved one now u get offended. Let the rest of the world get shit on but if you're feelings get hurt we should take a moment of silence to hear u bitch about it? Put us both out of our misery and end yourself.

K. G. N.  11/06/07 8:58 pm
It's funny how most people just view slavery as being Black People. Unless I am mistaken, the Egyptians (Africans aka Black People) enslaved the Jews (White People) first, and for a much longer period of time. And look at the shit they got done. Pyramids that are still standing. Other than the history of the Civil War, what is left to show of the White Man's enslavement of the African's. Oh yeah, racism in modern America, how could I forget that when everyone else refuses to?

So it is my belief that the shirt that says Slavery Gets Shit Done is directed at Jewish Slaves and not the African ones.

Alex Greenspanstienowitz  11/06/07 10:13 pm
I am a jew and I laughed my ass off when I saw this shirt, And then I told it to a BLACK friend of mine, not including the part were it's about jews, and he laughed too so fuck you, racism will be dead when I can say nigger and nobody gives a shit. Theirs a difference between a joke and a proclamation. one makes peple laugh and one is stating a hate filled idea to the rest of the world. guess which one this is?

That Dude  11/06/07 10:20 pm
They weren't just jewish. And, who cares anyway? They were jewish.

The7thSon  11/06/07 11:25 pm
Actually, the latest archaeological evidence shows that the pyramids were built by local craftsmen (not slaves) - but, I'm splitting hairs.

The letter writer is a pathetic twit with no sense of humor and should be pitied rather than reviled.

mle  11/06/07 11:39 pm
speaking of slaves...

Lauren  11/06/07 11:40 pm
i added this shirt to my wishlist last night.

Jules  11/07/07 12:15 am
Oops wrong FUCKING message, apply the underneath response to Tara. S of Ambulance fame.

Choleric  11/07/07 12:27 am
I think the most wonderful part of slavery is how limited a concept of it people really have. As mentiond above the shirt is taking more of a stab at the fact that black egyptions enslaved jews to build the pyramids. Slavery was also the first form of social welfare. I mean Christ, so we had some fucking slaves in America for a bit. Whoopty Shit. Take a look at the complete history of the concept before you attempt to express your "opinion" (and I'm using the term loosly) and make me vomit in my own mouth. But I could rant on for decades about the idiocy of our supposedly modern and informed culture.

Saffyx  11/07/07 11:41 am
How come you didn't tell Chad; (hold - didn't he fuck up an election at some stage), that ALL the shirts we buy here are actually produced by slave labor? Do you think he would have been offended by the fact you use diabled Amish kids that are chained to the wall by their genatels all day...?? Just a thought.

amber619pop  11/07/07 12:22 pm this's so true.

JoeCamel  11/07/07 12:38 pm
Actually Chad I have to disagree; the concept of slavery is FULL of humor. Saying there is NO humor at all is really giving slavery a bad rap.

Mark Hurley  11/08/07 12:01 am
you DON'T. you DON'T believe in free speech. dude, i know this comes up in every news letter hate mail section, but for the love of christ, stop saying it. if you believed in free speech, you wouldn't be such a twat. you don't get to be selective, and you don't get to place morality on words. if speech costs points with your god, then its not free. spunk jockey.

Iman Azol  11/08/07 10:03 am
KGN: you're mistaken. The pyramids are a textbook union job. Every shift did a little less while demanding more wages. The last shift tossed a rock on top, stood around with their thumbs up their asses until lunch, then broke to go guzzle cock for the afternoon, while whining about working conditions. Textbook union phags.

LadyChaotic  11/08/07 8:11 pm
It's funny because the product of slavery is much more memorable and worthwhile then the shit we get payed to do every day.

If you can't find the humor in reality the why the fuck are you still alive? Spend your two cents worth and go buy a bottle of advil and coke. It's the pathetic version of shooting yourself in the head.

MIB  11/09/07 9:55 am
I was one of TSH morals. The battery acid tickled, and the fire felt GREAT, first heat I've felt in decades from those cold hearted bastards.

kneegrowluver  11/09/07 12:59 pm
Being a slave owner, I am getting a kick out of all of these replies. My slave lives in Thailand and makes shirts for me to sell on the interweb. If it weren't for the dead and the retarded, I'd have nothing to fuck.

Bitch  11/09/07 7:49 pm

From the Earth.

Nuff said.

coolmommaof2  11/10/07 8:00 am
what get's me is that people say their a fan of the site then complain about a shirt that is histroical corrcet. heres a news flash that shrit is FLIPPING TRUE! read a fucking book and you'll get that, stop being an idiot and laugh. if you don't get it your not a as funny as you were hopeing.

sergio3535  11/10/07 7:36 pm
Chad if you have a wife or girlfriend you probably got her some type of diamond, and slavery dug that shit up for you. How bout this lets change the pyramid picture to a wedding ring around Chad's nose.

Teresa  11/11/07 12:15 am
I must say, i thought your response to that complaint was absolutely fuckin' HILARIOUS!

Hungtu Mynees  11/11/07 1:15 pm
Chad is NOT amused by your comments, people!
Of course, it could be the fact that he's bent over the computer desk with my big dick ramming his ass, but I think mostly it's your comments.

Hungtu Mynees  11/11/07 1:19 pm
I could not agree more with Xavier. It pisses me off everytime some shit head says "I like your site" except for the T-shirt that pertains to me.
I'm gay and one of my all-time favorite shirts is the "Nothing Runs Like A Queere" shirt!! You have to start by laughing at yourself first.
The FUNNIEST one is "Jesus is a cracker"!!! LOL!!!

aaron  11/13/07 11:14 am
I wanted to post this to all the emails in this month's newsletter, but i'm a lazy sonuvabitch who couldn't even drag myself out of bed to got to work today..... anyway GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!! I am not pro-slavery, I have lost people to cancer, and i just don't give a flying monkeys shitbomb about born agains, but if you can't just ignore a shirt that offends you you shouldn't even be shopping on this site! For the love of my unholy master.... everything on this site is offensive and that's why it's funny. If you're afraid of offending someone buy shirts at Wal Mart and quit your bitching! Next someone will be saying that the Jesus is a cracker shirt is offensive t catholics... well guess what catholics are offensive to me. Slavery does get shit done. Don't believe me... check your next paycheck. I'm sure you make a little less that you feel you deserve considering you probably had a downs syndrome chimp type that letter for you. it's people like you that made my first tshirthell purchase necessary. You can't have manslaughter without laughter... truer words motherfuckers, truer words.

Andrew  11/13/07 7:17 pm
Actually this is the funniest shirt I've ever seen.

Dodger  11/13/07 8:33 pm
Irony: In the 1700s this shirt wouldn't have been funny. It would have just gotten a 'yup, so?' and therefore it wouldn't have sold for shit.

Dodger  11/13/07 8:35 pm
Hungto: Re: "I'm gay and one of my all-time favorite shirts is the "Nothing Runs Like A Queere" shirt!! You have to start by laughing at yourself first."

Actually, you're close, but it's understandable that in your unique positin you'd get confused. Actually, we all have to start by laughing at *you* first.

/b/  11/22/07 12:35 am
Heather...I feel this serious need to anally rape you with an irradiated dildo...while injecting you with Cancer cells...get over yourself chick.we do not forgive, we do not forget

Laura  11/26/07 4:20 pm
I hate when people say, "I believe in freedom of speech but..." There is no but! Either you believe in free speech or you don't. Freedom doesn't come with stipulations. You don't get to pick and choose what you think should be covered by free speech. Free speech applies to everyone or no one; either everything is okay or nothing is okay. Because if everyone got to remove a t-shirt that offended them, there wouldn't be any shirts left on the site. If that shirt bothers you then just, you know, don't look at that shirt. Buncha fat babies.

Jessica  12/18/07 11:24 am
Simply put this shirt is fuckin' funny. Now I'm goin to say i'm not racist... you can belive it or not.. I Could give two shits. But I have no problem laughing at a black joke white joke italian joke chinese/ asain. Get off your high horses you holy bastards... quit givin a shit.. everyone is fuckin' everyone now so fuck it... we'll all be the fuckin same race sooner or later. If we don't blow this shit hole up first.
Break it down "Slavery _ gets _ Shit _ DONE" then look at the picture.. pyramids... Lookin like slavery gets shit done now doesn't it? It's not like the shirt said...."BLACK people make good slaves"... Ha ha ha... coming soon to T-shirt hell.

division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Christie M.

Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Subject: cancer shirt...not good!!!

i have been a huge fan and a customer for over four years now, but i have to say there is one shirt that is really offensive! i am sure not just to me but many other "women" who are fans of your work! your supporting cancer, but too bad i don't f*ck bald chics really hurts.

i lost my mother to cancer, and she was damn near bald when she passed away, and i have had to pretty much endure the same deal with cancer myself at the age of 28. please reconsider that shirt, and any future "jokes" you may have on the subject.

a loyal fan, actually in tears and still a customer for now...


Jean Luc PicardEditor's Note: Oh God...your tears are so delicious...oh, please keep weeping...yeah, that's it, stick your moral indignation right there...Yes! Mmm, it tastes like despair and faulty cell structure...just a little more...okay, I'm done. Now wipe that shit up.

Isn't it about time you stopped lying to yourself? C' "lost" your mother to cancer? You know damn well she killed herself. If the empty pill bottle didn't tip you off the note reading "Can't live with myself after bringing her into the world" certainly should have.

Why is it that people with cancer seem to hold the monopoly on complaining? We have plenty of shirts about sex and alcohol, but we never get any hate mail saying "I like sex and alcohol. You should remove that shirt." I suppose it's because God only gives cancer to bitches. Or, to consider the more scientific point of view, whatever chemical causes bitchiness also causes cancer. I guess I'll never know. But it's enough for me just to know that you're dying.

Comments (22) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Chris  11/06/07 4:36 pm
that response is just... amazing
even that word doesnt give the response the justice that it demands
good work

Swampy  11/06/07 5:18 pm
Gosh, Dan! Guess what--I didn't fuck your mother, either!

Your father, however....

Swampy  11/06/07 5:19 pm
Wait a sec...I DID fuck Dan's mother. It was Christie's I meant.

fuckedinthehead  11/06/07 8:04 pm
Christie, You are as dumb as a box of shit with a nail in it. Only ONE shirt that is offensive? Cancer take you vision? They're meant to offensive in a funny way, if ya don't like it, don't buy it. FUCK you are stupid

manther  11/06/07 8:14 pm
christie, christie, christie......hey sad clown! turn that frown upside down! instead of being offended by the cancer t-shirt, maybe you approach it from a different angle and consider it a tribute to your rotting, dead mother. it's all in your perspective really.

i think t-shirt hell needs more shirts about suicide. suicide is way funnier than cancer. unless it's ass-cancer, then it would be a draw. i think if someone had ass-cancer and then committed suicide, i would have to commit suicide also because i would know i would never see anything funnier in my life.....ever.

Killian  11/06/07 10:32 pm
How come "women" in the first paragraph is in quotes? Are they transvestites or something?

cancer survivor  11/06/07 11:47 pm
I think she's just upset because she's not gonna get some cancer curing cock in her.

Joanna  11/07/07 12:53 am
As if you expressing your thoughts is gonna prevent them from keeping that shirt off the site, or any of the other "offensive" ones for that matter. If something if offensive to you, you obvisouly have interal issues that you need to work out with yourself. Life is too short to go through completely serious. I'm sure your mother could tell you that.

Carnate  11/07/07 6:29 am
Thinking this would make another good shirt 'Becuase God only gives cancer to bitches'

glandular-mass  11/07/07 6:45 pm
so - when a person is SICK, it's not funny? when a person is SICK, they aren't supposed to have a sense of humor? CRAP! I need to quit telling the doctors to amputate my head! LAUGH!!!!!!!!!! it makes life better

Iman Azol  11/08/07 10:06 am
Cancer is craptastically funny. I have to stay out of hospitals so I don't shit myself laughing. That and staph.

Here's an idea: don't like a shirt? DON'T BUY IT. Eventually it will go away.

These fuckers did that with the "I'm the teenage girl you jerked off in the chatroom with last night." Good shirt. Bring it back, you fucking pansies.

earthmother  11/08/07 12:53 pm
suicide is way funnier than cancer. unless it's ass-cancer....good job, Manther, sounds like a t-shirt to me!

EatMe  11/08/07 3:27 pm
What pompous enema bags there are in the world. "I have caaaaaaaaaaancer.... don't make fun of caaaaaaaaaancer, because it's traaaaaaaagic that I'm bald.... but go ahead and make fun of everything else in the world.... " Geezus H. Fucking Christ... I think you need to make a shirt about brain tumors. NON MALIGNANT ones, though.... just so nobody with brain caaaaaaancer can whine about the shit.

Adam  11/08/07 6:28 pm
Tshirt hell is a company that sells offensive t-shirts, stop crying and get over it.

Luggruff  11/09/07 6:48 am
"your supporting cancer, but too bad i don't f*ck bald chics really hurts." -Not many people being hurt by their mother not getting any cock ey? haha

Heather  11/09/07 9:51 am
You guys are assholes. This person gets paid to write this, you are all just followers who need lives. Its funny what Hell writes, but when you assholes add your two cents in, its retarded. Grow up and get over're not funny.

PussyCat  11/09/07 3:02 pm
I can't believe you'd make dad has cancer and dammit that makes him god. Please, everyone stop what you're doing and take a minute to please give a shit about someone who will likely die before you finish reading this post. My father really does have cancer...and I care deeply. But does that mean that I'm going to give up comedy because I think anyone with cancer has a 'get out of jail free' card from being made fun of. Get a damn life you hippie. Your mom is dead, she won't care if you laugh. She would probably want to smack you if she knew you were such a tight ass.

PussyCat  11/09/07 3:04 pm
Oh, and the one who says all of us who put our two cents in are assholes? WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU JUST DOING BY CALLING US ASSHOLES YOU FRIEKING HYPOCRIT.

Nia  11/09/07 4:53 pm
You know, the funny thing is that my mum died of cancer and the way I met my ex was by us exchanging cancer jokes...

Sensitive people irritate me.

Mohammed  11/10/07 3:02 am
Cancer isn't contagious is it? If not, I would definitely fuck a bald chick. It would have to be better than fucking camels and circle jerking.

blackened  11/12/07 7:18 pm
the problem with that shirt is not that may be offensive, it is just not funny at all

Mohammed  11/13/07 2:37 pm
Yes, abort them it will same me having to decapitate them. It is taking too much of my quality time that I like to spend teabagging my camel.

does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Message-----

From: Daniel B.

Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007

Subject: comment

hey. I just wanted to comment on the "abort born again Christians" shirt. I'm a Christian and a fairly regular visitor on your site, I didn't really mind all the other shirts poking fun at Christianity, because i get the fact that you need a sense of humor and tolerance and what not, but i feel that this latest design has crossed the line and is too offensive for me.

I'm sure that is great news for you, as offensive is the goal but with this one, you lost a customer. I'm not going to spend my money supporting a site that bashes my beliefs.


Dan B.

PS I'm also quite sure that this email might end up in the newsletter, so I did my best to watch my grammar and spelling, but there might be some mistakes. After all, I'm just an ignorant member of the religious right.

Born Again Editor's Note: I would've been less concerned about the grammar and spelling and more concerned with the fact that everything I just wrote is so nonsensical that it would sound like the product of a retarded lemur even if the English professor at Harvard wrote it.

Enough with you Bill O'Reilly Juniors trying to be dismissive of someone who has a differing opinion by making it seem like we look down you. Saying something like "I'm just an ignorant member of the religious right" is a decent defense for a 10-year-old, but coming from an adult (in body if not in mind) it comes across as a pathetic attempt to garner some pity for someone who has nothing intelligent to say.

Meaning you can't just sarcastically repeat the argument against you to make it seem okay. "Oh, my priest touches little boys. I guess HE'S the bad guy. Oh, I don't believe science that proves mankind evolved from primitive beings. I guess I'M the idiot." Yeah, you are the fucking idiot. And trying to get someone to feel like they need to apologize for their intellect just further proves your idiocy.

So, yeah, you're an idiot. But it does suck that we won't be getting any more of your money due to bashing your beliefs. Hey, it could've been worse. We could've bashed getting touched inappropriately by a relative or pleasing yourself near a playground.

PS - Forgive me if I was out of line. After all, I'm just someone who develops opinions and judgments based on facts and statistical information.

Comments (27) - View Comments - Add A Comment

John  11/06/07 11:52 pm
This piece is really beautiful. I have obviously noticed but not identified that exact argument made by pundits and teachers at my Christian school. Great writing.

Choleric  11/07/07 12:40 am
I think the most important question here is, why does he need justification for his decsion to boycot t-shirthell? Why not stop talking about doing it, and just do it? Why must every action he takes in life be declaired?

R. Dugan  11/07/07 5:00 am
I LOVE wearing that shirt in public! It's like an Instant Asshole Magnet and I LOVE messing with IDIOTS! CHEERS!!!!!

Sprout  11/07/07 5:02 am
Fucking genius. Thank you for putting religious assholes in their place, and for keeping a sense of humor when everyone else in this world can't. I am, and always will be, a full supporter of your website, your t-shirts, and your newsletters. Keep up the good work.

Jim  11/07/07 8:23 am
I totally LOVED this shirt. OK, so I'm slightly too wimpy to wear it. I ripped a copy of the image, practiced my photoshop skills to clean it up, printed an 8 x 10 and it's now hanging on the wall of my study. So far it's the only one I've ripped - that's how good it is. I allow myself one ripped image for each shirt I've bought - I've got ripping room to spare!

hashmeer  11/07/07 11:51 am
I'm pro-life and an atheist, so I'm kinda torn on this one. I like ripping on Christians, but don't like the abortion thing. Hey, I have an idea...I'll just laugh at the bit I think is funny and discount the rest, because it's a fucking joke!

Oamlftor  11/07/07 12:44 pm
These Loyal-Fan-For-Years-But-You-Crossed-The-Line stories never get old.

dave  11/07/07 8:22 pm
jesus was born in september for begginners. this is the year 2040 since jesus was 33 when he was murdered. god let his own kid die to prove a point to you. do you really want to fuck with him?

Blah  11/07/07 9:03 pm
could you people be any more pathetic? i mean sure, the original letter was by a moron, but for every one stupid letter that gets answered, theres atleast 4 equally stupid comments from other stupid customers. the original response however, as usual, was up to par.

scott  11/07/07 10:15 pm
I hate these people please take down this shirt cuz it hurts my feelings. Get a pair of fucking balls and try to buy the shirt's rights so nobody can print it. i am sure there has to be some legal shit behind it so you can pay t-shirt hell off and it won't be printed again. Cuz the oldest saying of all comes into play here. Money talks and bullshit walks. So unless you got the money to buy them off. Don't bother t-shirt hell with your bullshit.

Iman Azol  11/08/07 10:09 am
Wait, god killed his kid for me? Wow. That means two things:

A: he's a pussy shitbag, and

2) he thinks I'm awesome enough to sacrifice to.

Well, it's a start, but he's going to have to kill a lot more of his kids to appease me from kicking his phaggotty little ass.

Uncle Stinkypinky  11/08/07 11:51 am
Hey, papshmeer: Did you know that the only thing stupider than a "pro-life" born-again Christian is a "pro-life" atheist? You didn't? That's because you're fucking stupid.

Dave's an idiot  11/08/07 5:56 pm
The year is NOT 2040, you moron. The counting system for the years was changed from B.C. to A.D. at the CONCEPTION of Jesus, not after his death. Hence, Jesus was born 2,007 years ago and he died in the year 33 A.D. (give or take a few years as scholars tend to argue about the system's accuracy). This is, of course, assuming your calculation of Jesus' age at his time of death is correct.

Just to help you out, Dave, here's a couple of definitions:
A.D. = Anno Domini, which means "the year of our Lord" and is based on the traditionally reckoned year of the conception of Jesus
B.C. = Before Christ, all the time before Mary mysteriously got knocked up; oh, and the counting goes backwards in this part, just in case you were confused

Adam  11/08/07 6:33 pm
"Abort born again Christains" OMFG thats funny! Look, if your a Christain and your offended by this t-shirt you need to get over it..... why dont you go look for jesus or something usefull to humanity

r.cook  11/09/07 9:23 am
fuck you jew boy!!!!!

Rickster  11/09/07 10:19 am
I can wait to get my shirt!
As soon as I get it I'm going down to the Planned Parenthood that very same weekend and hang out with all of the protesters.

I'm sure they'll love it too!
Fun time!!!

uh... wtf?  11/09/07 2:28 pm
"making it seem like we look down you"? seriously? we look down you? for someone who makes fun of people's grammar as much as you, one would think you would be more careful with yours.

Me  11/09/07 9:59 pm
In the past few issues of this newsletter it seemed like you were slipping, just calling the writers idiots, etc, but you really improved this issue. Very entertaining.

Chris  11/10/07 3:38 pm
I am sick of you people saying how much you love these shirts but your not gonna be a customer anymore because you found one offensive. If you don't like that particular shirt don't fucking buy it!!! It's that simple. There are several shirts on here that i don't care for or aren't really to my taste but there are plenty that are and i will buyy those. I really hope your offend by my choices and hope to run into you on the street while i am wearing one of them . GO FUCK YOUR SELF YOU WHINNIG LITTLE BITCHES!!!!

John Hedtke  11/10/07 3:42 pm
I'm reminded of the late, great Bill Hicks, who said in one of his appearances: "I did a show in Texas not long ago and afterwards three big guys came up to me and said 'Hey, buddy! We're Christians and we don't like what you said about our lord and savior Jesus Christ!' I said 'Well, forgive me, then!' " :)

I liked the t-shirt to begin with. It has such a charm. And like Oamlftor says, the "...but you crossed the line" letters are going to keep us all amused forever.

Keep up the good work, petal!

Sabra  11/11/07 12:06 am
You do know that god raped who is the bad man now?

Uri Tarded  11/11/07 9:24 pm
I LOVE rolling the cursor over the photos and dividers on the newsletters and reading the funny descriptions! lol!

Hungtu Mynees  11/11/07 9:26 pm

Syphallitic Mohammed  11/13/07 2:42 pm
Yes, abort them it will save me having to decapitate them. It is taking too much of my quality time that I like to spend teabagging my camel.

Dodger  11/13/07 8:06 pm
Why on earth would anyone want to pander to the opinions of osmeone stupid enough to believe in that shit? There was never any such person as Jesus! It's a MYTH. No, he wasn't a raging hippie, he wasn't a son of god, he wasn't "a nice guy whose teachings got twisted around"... he's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. You might as well go ahead and worship fucking Gandalf.

no one in particular  11/16/07 10:48 pm
coming from a religious studies major and atheist, there probably was a historical figure named Yeshua Bar Joseph (Jesus, son of Joseph) who was crucified and started a following -- he was mentioned by a non-religious historian. not much else is known about him, and i don't buy all the spiritual stuff about him. but he is not a fiction sewn from nothing, to be completely historically accurate.

and yes, i am a customer, i do love the shirts, and i do think that letters from people who are offended are ridiculous. they knew what they were getting into, if they were customers for years.

/b/  11/22/07 12:44 am
Dodger=douchebag.....learn to read a book fuckwit....
in other nudes....I got dreesed up as a priest today and got blowjobs from all the altar boys....good times friends

divided we fall

Veni (On Your Tits), Vidi, Vici

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Fortunately, the guy that wears the crown can hire someone to hold his head up for him. And play with his balls.


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