ALICE IN CHAINS
YOUR MOM IS A WHORE - MERRY CHRISTMAS
I PUT OUT FOR SANTA
SANTA RUBBED YOUR TOOTHBRUSH ON HIS BALLS
I SAW MOMMY KISSING MRS. CLAUS
SPIN MY DREIDEL (AND BY DREIDEL I MEAN COCK AND BY SPIN I MEAN SUCK)
YO YO YO - MERRY KWANZAA BITCHES
Band Geek Hero
TUBA HERO
COWBELL HERO
BAGPIPE HERO
TRIANGLE HERO
UKULELE HERO
SAXOPHONE HERO
CLARINET HERO
FLUTE HERO
FRENCH HORN HERO
ACCORDION HERO
KAZOO HERO
CELLO HERO
TRUMPET HERO
DRUM-LINE HERO

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Yes, the Band Geek Hero shirts are back! Guitar Hero parodies with 25 different instruments to choose from. If you're a hotass band geek who goes to special camps or whatever, then get ready to jump for joy.

You'll look sharp as you fall flat on your g clef. Man, I am no good at band humor. You will all get laid if you wear these shirts- even the guy who normally has to settle for tickling his prostate with the business end of a trumpet.

long division
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WORST.GANGBANG.EVER

I hope you've picked out your turkey and your secret shame to drunkenly reveal to your family, because Thanksgiving is almost here. And don't let the fact that there's nothing to be thankful for this year stop you from celebrating. After all, this generation's defining trait is irony.

In "world coming to an end" news, researchers have discovered another icy thing melting. Jesus Christ... it's every other week with this shit. The planet is melting; boohoo. Save it for a species that gives a fuck.

Congratulations to the Yankees on another World Series title. They have moved one step closer to justifying their payroll. Now all they have to do is cure cancer, reverse global warming, go back in time to kill Hitler, and definitively prove whether or not there's a God. Get to work, Bombers!

For the first time in 27 years, an American won the NYC marathon last week. This makes me feel a great sense of pride I usually only feel when I realize every American that isn't that guy is obese. U - S - A! U - S - Oh man, I'm out of breath.

The 3-D update of the holiday classic "A Christmas Carol" was just released. Between the state-of-the-art motion capture technology and 3-D format this was the most engrossing film experience I've ever had. The only thing missing was the smell of Hollywood executives throwing stacks and stacks of original screenplays on a fire.

Mel Gibson and his girlfriend recently welcomed a baby girl into their family. Much has been made of Gibson's recent exploits, so he wanted to clear up right away any confusion regarding how he would be raising his daughter. She is going to be an alcoholic Jew-hater. Awww, she's got her father's hate. Precious.

Sandra Bullock and husband Jesse James are in a custody battle for James' 5-year-old daughter with James' ex, a former adult film star. The judge on the case is still trying to decide who would be less damaging for the child: a woman who got covered with jizz for a living, or the woman who made the Miss Congeniality movies?


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