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newsfromhell

It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing


HULK RUN FAST. HULK SMASH!



Thanksgiving, everybody! I would say "Happy Thanksgiving," but who am I to tell you what kind of holiday to have? Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas...Stop bossing us around, generic greetings. If someone wants to run fish hooks through their genitals and chew used tampons on a national holiday, that's their right. But that's my thing. You do something else.

The second version of the Zune, Microsoft's answer to the iPod, recently went on sale. Improvements include a self-pitying function and the ability to be passed over for an iPod twice as fast as the original Zune.

Headline News talk anchor (and enormous cunt) Nancy Grace was recently hospitalized with blood clots in her lungs. I don't have a joke here, I just wanted everyone to know I've changed my mind about the effectiveness of prayer. Upon hearing that she would make a full recovery, God said "Fucking shit! What do I have to do, cut that bitch's head off?"

Dog the Bounty Hunter shocked nobody when he revealed that he is exactly the piece of white trash we always thought he was. Somebody needs to smack that Dog on the nose with a rolled up newspaper printed sometime after 1950.

Baseball superstar Barry Bonds was indicted on four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice. I'm not a betting man (just ask my vagina), but I think this really hurts Barry's chances of being inducted into the Asshole/Douchebag Hall of Fame.

Kanye West's mother recently passed away after receiving cosmetic surgery. In a stunning upset, her ashes were given to Fall Out Boy. Then a visibly upset Kanye shouted "What's a black man gotta do to get his mama's ashes!?" (The picture shows Kanye and his mom in happier times.)

 

space

New Shirts

We just got a visit from the awesome stork and he delivered some beautiful, bouncing new shirts. And having just glanced at our new shirts, I'm pretty sure he's been huffing paint and taking qualludes.

We've got some fantastic new shirts about oral sex and gay Jesus. No, not my off-Broadway play. Take a look to see what I'm talking about.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/nsn/newshirt_111907_news.htm

long division


crybabyThis being the week of Thanksgiving, I am obliged to write about it. My religion prohibits the celebration of Thanksgiving, but I have to write something about it just the same. (I forget what exactly my religion is, but we consider turkeys a sign of the apocalypse and eating cranberry sauce is on par with raping a baby.)

The obvious thing to do would be to write an ironic article about how Thanksgiving is rooted in the massacre of innocent, indigenous people, but I think we've all grown tired of that message. Besides, I think white people have made this land better than a bunch of peace pipe-smoking buffalo-huggers ever would have. Sure, they would be living a contented life in perfect balance with nature, but how many roller coasters and porn shops do you think they would've constructed by now?

So instead of farting out some heavy-handed, half-assed attempt at satire drowned in the all too common snarkiness and sarcasm of the day, I would like to share with you a sincere, heartfelt list of things that I'm thankful for. Having said that, I will be avoiding the "thankful" cliches. Family, friends, blah yada Mexican. This Thanksgiving, I would like to show my appreciation for some things that always get overlooked on this holiday.

that ticklesMy abortion doctor - Also known as the hardest working man in show business. Abortion doctor is a pretty thankless job. They show up, kill that little miracle inside you, and go home. They rarely get the respect or admiration they deserve. Meanwhile, regular doctors just catch the mistake some idiot decided not to abort and they get all the kudos in the world. So a tip of the hat to all the doctors with a PhD in fetus-blending. And 217 more tips of the hat on behalf of all the babies I didn't have.
rap superstar
Rap - Whatever social relevance or creativity rap once had has long ago been suffocated beneath of pile of ugly jewelry, half words and bastard children. But there is value in rap music, and that is the strange way in which it helps keep the balance. The greedy and powerful keep many black people poor and ignorant. A handful of these black people make music praising greed and power. The remaining black people purchase their albums and concert tickets, thus keeping themselves poor and ignorant, as opposed to the rappers, who become rich and ignorant. It's kind of like black-on-black crime, but without guns. Well, fewer guns anyway.

he doesn't look gayMidgets and Gays - These two species have nothing to do with each other, but I am thankful for them for the same reasons. They are both an endless supply of humor and a mysterious liquid that fuels helicopters. And despite the fact that neither of them can reproduce, we get a fresh batch of them every February. That's good eatin'.
impeach van buren
Politics - I believe 99.9% and the other .1% of the population is stupid, but thanks to politics we all get to pretend we're really smart. It doesn't matter how ignorant or misinformed you are, if you've seen more than 30 seconds of programming on CNN or FOX News you are a fucking genius. The unemployed guy doing beat poetry who got kicked out of community college and is sleeping on his ex-girlfriend's couch? He knows exactly what to do about global warming. That alcoholic with the "Support our troops" magnet on his '89 Ford who just did a month for assaulting his wife? He'll tell you how we should handle Iran. Thanks, politics. I had no idea idiots were so brilliant.

has a first name it's c-u-n-tMy vagina - I don't think I need to explain this one. It's just awesome.

That is what I'm thankful for. Now I just need to figure out who I'm thanking, since God didn't give me any of that shit. Happy Thanksgiving, Darfur!

 

 



I'm thankful that all of those turkeys got what they deserved.

Comments (15) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Leah  11/20/07 3:07 pm
You are so fucking hilarious... I'm not a lesbian, but I think I love you..

Thesaya  11/20/07 5:37 pm
I too find you hilarious. I AM a lesbian, but I don't love you. Though i like the way of attacking absolutely EVERYTING, which is one of the best way to handle things. Instead of insulting noone, insult anyone!

mle  11/20/07 5:58 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken

dave  11/20/07 6:14 pm
anyone need tips on carving a turkey's clitoris,or carving ones vagina

????  11/20/07 6:49 pm
Your a woman? I am surprised at how well you compose your thoughts. In reading, I really felt you were an educated male, now get back in the kitchen and fire me up some spam bitch!!!

Teee`  11/20/07 7:51 pm
You're welcome.

Jim  11/20/07 10:42 pm
Hey, funny shit. I want all of the original pictures in this 'thing', and a hi-res on of the turkey :D

yon  11/21/07 1:08 pm
i'm torn between my psychic and ettiquette. i want to thank you for your vagina but that hasn't come to pass yet...so is it rude to reference when you try to rape me before you actually do it? ...[dots are so mysterious aren't they] all these strange feelings inside makes me think i'm a lesbian too...[ooh dots again]

Kerfuffle  11/21/07 3:49 pm
I am also thanful for my vagina ... and my boobs ... {and dots.}

hornyswinger  11/21/07 7:10 pm
Hey, I thank you for your vagina too! And her's, and her's and her over there, and oh yeah lets not forget her, th eone with the big tits!

twattycumlately  11/22/07 7:26 pm
fuck turkeys!
especially the fat ones.

wesley  11/22/07 9:34 pm
i thank your abortionist too if you really have had that many abortions then you are my hero for making an army of men happy.

Gimley From Rochester  11/23/07 12:14 pm
"Rap ...has long ago been suffocated beneath *of* pile of ugly jewelry, half words and bastard children."

Nice fucking mistake. Give a woman a kybrd and look what happens...T-SHirt Hell does to shit. Nice one Sunshine McGarnigle or whatever the fuck name you paid for....FUCK

Gimley From Rochester  11/23/07 12:19 pm
Hey baby, sorry about the previous post...my little brother got ahold of my account and well...you've seen the destruction...

Rest assured i think you're totally hot and would fuck you ok. And thanks again for your Rap article mistake, even your abortion stuff. It's all gold.

James Brown  12/04/07 9:55 pm
Having made it entirely through "The World's Fattest Man" without even felching a gag, I believe I now possess the appropriate creditials to effectively address the (albeit, baited) opinions I have been reading in your newsletter for almost two years now.

My grandfather once told me "if you cant laugh at everything, why laugh at anything?" (yes, fuck you very much, I've been warned about cliches)
Of course, he was pushing grandma down the stairs at the time. Personally, I had to laugh.... and it turns out she only spent two weeks in a coma.

Point is... we humans have discovered words not simply for the benifit of negotiating the down on our next Audi. For example, showing up at the ER to have a pepsi bottle removed from any one of your orifices may seem like pretty serious business, but it aint. Its fucking funny.

So next time your vulva, or for that matter scrotum, gets a tiny little knot in it over a site that regalizes the human syndrome.... work it out in the shower. For as much as its kinda funny that people could actually express disdain over ANYTHING here, truth is, its really kinda sad. How fucking stupid are we,....really?




space

-----Original Message-----

From: Chris L.
Sent: Friday, November 09, 2007
Subject: Something new please

Every month I read your newsletter in an effort to get a few shits and giggles. I've had enough. Your hate mail is nothing more than a few fat, retarded child molesters (aka chili mo's) and retired prostitutes (aka soccer mom's) who are pissed because you're making money and they're not.

While I enjoy reading your insults and new and creative ways of raping autistic midgets, I'm sick of reading the same bullshit that reader's send in. My plea is for you to please try to rag on someone more intelligent than chili mo's and soccer mom's. Peace out.

Chris L.


deep in MontanaEditor's Note:I appreciate your suggestion, but I decided to include your email to rag on someone LESS intelligent than retarded child molesters and soccer moms. Seriously...taking time out of your life to complain about people who complain not being smart enough? This is like Britney Spears saying Hannah Montana is ruining music. Or some better analogy.

For anyone else who would like me to respond to more intelligent people, take a moment to consider the kind of person who would write in to complain about shirts. It's not like I'm choosing between the complaints of neurosurgeons and the complaints of Ivy League professors. I consider myself lucky if these people don't try to stick stamps on their monitors before sending hate mail.

Comments (16) - View Comments - Add A Comment

jewels  11/20/07 11:32 pm
heeeeeey,, dont be kappen on hannah montana, she be kwell. brittney sucks,, in more ways then one, but leave the montana outa it!

'kappen'? 'kwell'?  11/20/07 11:58 pm
I seriously hope you hurt yourself to form that mostly complete sentence with nearly readable spelling. I hope you are lying in a pool of blood, shit, drool, and urine from exerting your brain so much by reading the newsletter, then posting that dumbshit comment. I hope when your dad finds you he laughs and kills rapes your sister to death in celebration.

Druss  11/21/07 9:20 am
Jewels, thanks for reaffirming the editor's point.

On another note, I have no idea what the second comment is all about. Looks like it was put through a generator of sorts.

Yuppers  11/21/07 9:48 am
OMG, Like Shut-up, WTF!?!?!?

Zarec  11/21/07 10:22 am
DOUCHE!

shakezula  11/21/07 2:44 pm
Okay. "kappen"?"kwell"?....put the crack pipe down.

Kerfuffle  11/21/07 3:57 pm
"kills rapes" - wow.

Iman Azol  11/21/07 11:14 pm
Jewels, you're white, aren't you?

alex  11/22/07 1:31 am
Hey what's kappenin? oh nothing ..I'm kwell...I'm about to go kills rapes your sister...seriously you guys

penisimplantcovertopsdivision  11/22/07 7:31 pm
Chris, you are a fucktard.
I am never bored when i am insulting someone, or reading about someone insulting another.
Now go rape your mother, asshat.

GK  11/22/07 8:47 pm
Chris L., It's tough to seriously accept your bitching about stupid people when your own email is filled with the most elementary of spelling errors. When something is possessive, use an apostrophe (example: The soccer mom's retired prostitute was cheap to hire). When something is multiple (that means more than one) DON'T use an apostrophe (example: The soccer moms were retired prostitutes).

Smart Person

eric  11/23/07 12:09 am
yo little girl, you aren't funny, you try WAYYY too hard to create ruckus, your website should probably scout out a new writer

tom  11/23/07 10:10 am
jewels go play in traffic.

Gimley From Rochester  11/23/07 1:09 pm
People people....all this hate....and it's not being directed where it should be....at this month's "batch" of shirts.

Seriously....does anyone really think the cat shirt is funnier because the word NOT is underlined? That shit wouldn't be funnier if it came out of Terri Schiavo's funny looking fucking mouth (when she was still alive, of course...it MIGHT be funny if someone re-animates her...i'll reserve judgement on that one).

And the "head" shirt?.... it's nice to see someone is still reading Playboy circa 1972. That shirt is so played out and plagiarized, i thought maybe i had stumbled onto the ARPANET. I'm sure that one stunk just a little more when they were presswed.

Sunshine and T-Shirt Heaven have lost it. I will try and weep for the shell of the this place, when i have time.

Jordan  11/27/07 4:45 pm
Chris does have a point, he just communicated it in a horribly poor fashion. My ten year old brother can say something funny about retards, or autisc children. There is more work involved with concocting an insult that is both funny and has at least moved past the uni-brow. Now given what i have read of the blogs written here and the replies, I believe that at best we will get mediocre humor, nothing high brow, but hopefully something past a uni-brow's view of life.

Jordan  11/27/07 8:27 pm
Oops, sorry, let me just remove this pompous stick from my ass...


joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: ALeggyB*** @ ***.com
Sent: Monday, November 12, 2007

I used to think you were funny (your website) until your "Abort Born Again Christians" shirt. Take me off your mailing list.

jesusEditor's Note: Oh my honey-roasted god...How do you ear-breathers (even dumber than mouth-breathers) think our mailing list works? We send newsletters and new shirt notifications to members and people who submit ideas. If you so wish, you can easily stop them by clicking a link which appears at the bottom of everything we send out.

People who worship a magic carpenter may be incapable of wrapping their doughy brains around that concept, but that's all there is to it. We don't go to some secret government website that lists the names and email addresses of every US citizen with a developmental disorder and start notifying them at random.

So to you and anyone else who wants to stop receiving emails from us, simply ask your caretaker to make the bad lady's words go away. Or do what you do when you encounter anything else you don't understand. You know...start screaming and dry-humping everything you can until you're forcibly removed from the building you're in.

Comments (21) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Fatty  11/20/07 5:06 pm
Why the hell would you have put your name on the mailing list in the first place when there's already heaps of awesome shirts that bag out Jesus and all his knob head friends. You're a dickhead, Chris M.

criztine  11/20/07 6:59 pm
VICIOUS BURN! Thanks for that, I was having a really shitty day until that made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my tongue. To be perfectly serious, tshirt hell newsletters are the most positive hate filled literary works on the net. Bring the wrath!

......  11/20/07 8:17 pm
This is an example of the top echelon of morons who send in hate mail. "i loved your site until you insulted me".
What, you expect black people to enjoy the "Slavery Gets Shit Done" shirt, but they make a shirt making fun of the worlds most idiotic, dogmatic asshole, and they become too offensive?
Grow some balls Chris, if that is your real name. Im betting on Chrisantynum myself. Or something that proves that your parents passed down the extra family chromosome

you're mom  11/20/07 9:06 pm
y'know, I'm a Christian myself. You don't see me bitchin' about this T-Shirt (or any other for that matter).......It's a T-Shirt for fuck's sake, if you don't like it, don't wear it...and if you're offended when your neighbor wears it, kick his ass! oh, and by the way...If you can't laugh at yourself, you don't deserve to laugh at anyone else. (except midgets)

Kill me  11/20/07 11:53 pm
I used to fap to your newsletter every time it came out! Then you insulted another group that insults human intelligence by merely existing and now I'm going to kill myself!

p.s. After I'm dead, how do you think I should go about getting Jesus and Satan do both rape me up the ass at the same time? Or is 14 too old for Jesus do you think?

Jes  11/21/07 2:58 am
Actually, the "Abort Born Again Christians" tshirt is the best one on this entire site. Los Angeles wouldn't fucking stink so much if it wasn't infested with Jews & Christians.

Kat  11/21/07 4:40 am
As long as everyone gets their share of abuse on here its cool. You have to laugh at some things. I can't believe you thought other shirts were funny until YOU got offended. Thats a hipocrite Christian for you. "I'll laugh at everyone else, but no one else can laugh at me." That is such BS!

D-man  11/21/07 6:18 am
OMG - whats a christian doing on the mailing list? Oh yeah they can fuck up and a forgiven - nevermind! WTF!

Sick 'em  11/21/07 9:54 am
Hey Jes, C'mon, ya can't lump the Jews in with the Christians-- The Jews are the geniuses that make LA such a lovely, culturally rich, and WONDERFUL place!

(Hay, at least we're creative and have been totally ragging on ourselves since before your people were even flagella!)

Hellion  11/21/07 10:40 am
I am a midget, black, jew, gay,born again christian who's been hit in the head by a cleveland butt plug. I just thought I'd point that out. Oh yeah I was trying to say that I love your newsletter and shirts and dont consider you to be racist or unfriendly. Please take your vitamins and dont do drugs! K - Fed Rules! Please dont make fun of me or I will not subscribe anymore unless I get 67 new shirts and then i will do the macarena on you tube holding a dildo sideways. Abort british royalty!

daph  11/21/07 11:46 am
I can no longer remember what the letter had to say. I viewed the comments and got blinded by ignorance. Shoot "you're mom" in the head.

lisa michellee  11/21/07 12:31 pm
oMfG that's so funny. magic carpenter - bwaaa haaa haaa

shakezula  11/21/07 2:50 pm
Reading the comments on here is better than reading the mail. Everyone trying to be more crass than the next person but really just coming off lame. Stop it. Your seriously hurting my spleen.


Kerfuffle  11/21/07 5:00 pm
Let's all take a moment to share what we are truly thankful for this year ... for me it's people like, shakezula, who took the time to totally waste mine. Yes, shakezula, thank you for your comment about the comments. And an extra special helping of thanks goes out to you for using the word crass --- I hope your spleen ruptures all over grandma's green bean casserole you douche drinker.

bong_hits4jesus  11/21/07 5:15 pm
You tell'em, girlfriend!

Myself  11/21/07 8:44 pm
I'm a Christian and I don't agree with every shirt, but who expects to agree with everything in life? That would be boring. "Hey, I love that blade of grass! You do too? Fuck you're boring. You agree on that too?" I don't like the anti-God/Christian stuff, but I'm sure others get a laugh out of it and if they buy one and I see it, their balls are kicked.

Hey, I never said I was forgiving.

/b/  11/22/07 1:05 am
Shakezula, thats my cock hurting your spleen...not their comments....sorry. i'll take of the bladed dildo and just fuck you with the sandpaper condom...maybe it will hurt less

ijed  11/22/07 7:24 am
Where's the link to continue receiving emails?

barkingshark  11/22/07 11:13 am
this is probably the same type of individual who would find my Jesus dildo offensive --- 'seriously the crown of thorns are for added friction and sensation and when I scream "oh my God" it has 'nuttin to do with religion. I am a happy atheist.

AbortionDr.  11/22/07 7:39 pm
Obviously the moron parents of this idiot
should have aborted him when they
had the chance. Then again, it's never too late
to abort douchebags.

babyboneforks  11/23/07 5:28 am
"Thats a hipocrite Christian for you"
Well yes, Kat, that goes without saying. I believe hypocrite and Christian are synonymous, along with hypocrite and American. Hooray for preaching what you would never practice!!! God, I fucking love hypocrisy!


division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Chris M.
Sent: Friday, November 16, 2007
Subject: WTF?

"Five students in a Cleveland high school were recently injured during yet another school shooting. Jesus, as if living in Cleveland wasn't bad enough."

Thanks for knocking on a hard working city; having been born and raised there, your company only shows its ignorance. If you get a chance, check out Anthony Bourdain's show "No Reservations" and you too might be impressed at a small glimpse of what Cleveland offers. Or better yet, spend a weekend in NE Ohio, and see a cross-section of America's diversity.


whoreEditor's Note: The best thing you could've possibly done for Cleveland would have been to keep this to yourself. Now, instead of laughing at and quickly forgetting a joke that could have just as easily been about Omaha, we have proof that Cleveland is filled with people who aren't even smart enough to kill you. Not to mention at least one whiny bitch who acts like the tour guide the other tour guides call gay.

In response to your invitation to visit scenic northeast Ohio, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass. I'm sure that new Panera Bread is impressive, but I already have an appointment to get sodomized with a walrus tusk this weekend. Sorry.

And I'm sure you're right about Cleveland's diversity, but I have no desire to look at retards in three different colors. Thanks though. Go Cleveland yourself, Clevelandhole.

Comments (31) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Kels  11/20/07 8:51 pm
Hey! Im from Ohio and Nebraska :(

Oh well shit is still funny as fuck!

moly pooper  11/20/07 10:00 pm
Cleveland Rocks!

Californian  11/21/07 12:00 am
You're from Ohio AND Nebraska? I'm sorry.

Brock  11/21/07 9:09 am
I'm a Clevelander, and the editor is right. This place blows. The best thing we've got going is that we seem to be the self-loathing capital of the rust belt (incl. Detroit and Pittsburgh). These gay tour guides need to sit the fuck down and realize just how pathetic and worthless they are for trying to trumpet up a city that clearly doesn't give a shit about them, instead of arguing over nickels with the RTA driver and making everyone late again.

El Chupacabra  11/21/07 9:28 am
I think when Cleveland's new marketing campaign gets started it will make a big difference. "Visit Cleveland, we may suck, but at least we're not Detroit"

Jersey John  11/21/07 11:15 am
They should bulldoze this entire shitbag place and put up a huge Disneyland...maybe then people might want to actually visit Cleveland.

daph  11/21/07 11:42 am
People even take having something they can relate to personal in the comment section. Priceless. I'll wait for the next "I thought you guys were awesome until..." letters.

Mike  11/21/07 11:59 am
God damn, I'm only 15 and smarter than this uncle fucker. I too was born and raise in Cleveland and I am smart enough to realize that it's a piece of shit. Our school system is terrible, our politicians are stupid, and downtown smells like piss, booze, and hobos. Just accept it dude, cleveland isn't the most wonderul place on the map. but I still like it here better then parma. nothing but honkeys in parma.

Syphallitic Mohammed  11/21/07 1:04 pm
Of all the shithole cities in this land of infidels, Cleveland does have the "Cleveland Steamer" named named after it.

Stu Piddo  11/21/07 1:11 pm
Walrus tusk?????? I am SO jealous!!!!!

Yuri Tarded  11/21/07 1:26 pm
Not even Sen Larry Craig would be caught toe tapping in this shithole.

kiely  11/21/07 1:39 pm
hey, lay off Cleveland. it's a cool place cuz .... um, and yeah, there is other stuff too.

Kat  11/21/07 7:02 pm
I live in Youngstown, I've been to a Cleveland, I know EXACTLY what a shit hole Northeast Ohio is.

mb  11/21/07 7:06 pm
I tend to chuckle and very rarely actually laugh loudly.

"'m sure that new Panera Bread is impressive, but I already have an appointment to get sodomized with a walrus tusk this weekend."

You broke my not laughing loudly in the middle of the office streak. Asshole.

Pha Q  11/21/07 7:49 pm
"Cleveland Steamer"?? Sounds like a freshly laid turd.

Yuri Tarded  11/21/07 8:18 pm
I think you accidently hit the Q button instead of the G button. Daydreaming about getting your own Cleveland Steamer probably distracted you.

sarcaysm  11/21/07 11:02 pm
Mike, you ACTUALLY found a honkey in Parma??? All I ever saw there were Polacks and thier wigger offspring.

Iman Azol  11/21/07 11:17 pm
Cleveland is the only city people from Shitcago are allowed to make fun of.

Katie who left Ohio  11/22/07 12:59 am
Why limit it to NE Ohio lets just all get the record straight and say all of Ohio sucks. That is why people kill to get out of there.

Yuri Tarded  11/22/07 1:56 am
Katie, I'm glad to hear you left Ohio (as long as your not some dirty louse infected minority). I just hope you didn't bring any of the stank smell with you. It would be no way to fit in in your new home if you go around smelling like a Mosque (a combination of dick with dried shit on it and hair with dried jizz on it combined with a beard that smells like camel balls)

Cat  11/22/07 6:30 am
I too have lived in Cleveland my whole life, (30+yrs), and I agree with the editor as well. But I also think that if you got rid of the thugs, wanna-be thugs, hookers, crackheads, and those that sit on their asses collecting welfare for their six kids(and counting), while others bust their ass every day to make their dime then it may not be AS bad. I think the general rule to Cleveland government is that if you can work but have no desire to then we will give you any and all benefits, discounts and/or anything else that is or may become available. But, if you DO work everyday then we will screw you over and take your hard earned money and use it for those stated above. Any questions...go to the Virgil E. Brown building and apply there...

Transgender mom  11/22/07 9:50 am
Having grown up in Detroit and visited Cleveland quite a few times I find this offensive. You're not giving Cleveland the proper respect it deserves!
We like to call Port Huron the armpit of Michigan because, well if you've ever been there you know, it's overall a terrible place, period. But Cleveland? As far as cities go that place is like Ohio's taint! Smells bad, paid little or no attention, and theres great places to go on either side of it. So please a little more respect for the utter shitholiness of this terrible city.

Mustard Dick  11/22/07 12:25 pm
OHIO fucking sucks GO BLUE.

caffeinejunkie  11/22/07 3:51 pm
"Our school system is terrible, our politicians are stupid, and downtown smells like piss, booze, and hobos."

Congratulations, Mike...you've just described every city ever. Way to be generic.

Josef  11/23/07 5:45 am
I thought people were fucking stupid before, but this just blows everything else out of the water. Cleveland's a fucking landfill disguised as a city. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? A fucking joke. They inducted Kiss for fuck's sake.

The city itself is even worse. Nothing but abandoned buildings and beggars in one part, and just beggars in another. I can't tell which is worse - maybe the latter because at least you can set fire to the aforementioned buildings and no one will give a shit. At least in Detroit someone's there to put you out of your misery for being unlucky enough to live there.

It's people like these that make me support euthanasia of newborns with a rubber mallet.

Mary  11/23/07 11:06 am
You, sir, kick some major ass. I love this website.

Been There  11/23/07 8:27 pm
I've been to Cleveland, I like to drink, so I found a few fun places to hang out, but to quote Stephen Colbert: “Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the earth?”

James  11/25/07 12:48 am
LmAo... "Retards in three different colors."

califescapee  11/25/07 2:41 am
If Cleveland is anything like Columbus,fuck all of Ohio.

OMFG  11/26/07 12:37 am
Wow, Dayton, Columbus, Youngstown... all bad! Cleveland? Seriously takes the fucking prize. I tour all over the US, Cleveland is on another fucking planet when it comes to shittiness. The stupidest people (can't give directions for shit), the nastiest bars/restaurants/entertainment venues, and the most evil, foul-smelling, annoying homeless I ever met, anywhere, PERIOD.

moondog  11/30/07 2:14 pm
Cleveland Rules! You little bitches out there that cant live large in the city you were born in dont got to hate. Go chase your little dollar bills or unobtainable goals brought on by thinkin the world revolves around you. the city that has it all sure as hell doesnt need you!!
g-regs


does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Message-----

From: Chandra J.
Sent: Friday, November 16, 2007

Is your website trying to promote racism?


klantastic!Editor's Note:Trying? We are succeeding, my extra-chromosomed friend. Not that I'm bragging, it's actually quite easy to promote racism. All it takes is a good fan base and a little racism. You simply say something like "Racism is good. We should all be racist." and, voila, you're promoting racism.

As I suggested, we can't take all the credit. It's all well and good to put racism out there, but without someone acting on my thoughts it's just called me being racist. It takes the baseball bats and pickup trucks with ball-hitches of all of you out there to give my words meaning.

Thanks for your question, Chandra. And remember this month's promotion - Get at least two minorities to go back to their homeland and win 10 free shirts. Happy racisming, gang!

Comments (28) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Dude  11/20/07 5:38 pm
dude I just turned in 5 mexicans to INS, do I get 25 free t-shirts?

WorshipMe  11/20/07 5:57 pm
Do they have to be alive?

evil elvis  11/20/07 11:15 pm
I'm a 56 year old mentally ill, white male who was born in Oklahoma. Can I count myself as one minority?

Seriously  11/20/07 11:45 pm
Mentally ill white male from oklahoma? Isn't that redundant?

Everyone from Oklahoma is kicked-in-the-head. Go do us all a favor and kill your children.

okie  11/21/07 2:30 am
i havnt ever been kicked in the head, but ive been kicked in the head. not too many times but still in the head.

El Chupacabra  11/21/07 9:48 am
I like that offer, it has to be easier than finding Mexicans outside the Home Depot and tricking them into digging their own shallow graves for $1. Of course I always take the $1 back before putting most of the dirt back.

 11/21/07 11:10 am
I would just like to add that the picture of the gay black jewish klansmen = fucking priceless

amanda  11/21/07 11:53 am
can i really get 20 free shirts if i kill two minorities?? No, seriously.....

Syphallitic Mohammed  11/21/07 12:38 pm
Amanda, Kill them for Allah, the free shirts are just a bonus. Killing them is optional, but highly reccommended. I think it should be on a sliding scale. 10 shirts if they leave, 15 for the shallow grave route, and 20 for a quality decapitation.

adil  11/21/07 1:11 pm
seriously, "my extra-chromosomed friend" made me lol.

Mike  11/21/07 3:12 pm
Okay, now I want THAT shirt.

adam  11/21/07 4:40 pm
If we all got two mintorities to go back to their home countries, think about how much better our country would be. Obviously, we'd have to keep some mexicans around to do cheap labor, but we could chain them up right?

Joe Trevino  11/21/07 4:40 pm
Hey, I didn't know you got free shirts for sending minorities to their home countries!! I've called immigration on my neighbors and just yesterday a big green bus came and picked up all twenty-three mexicans living in the efficiency apartment next door. That should be worth an ass-load of free shirts. Who do I contact for that?

J Dahmer  11/21/07 5:28 pm
If we all got 2 minorities, and by minorities I mean Mexicans, to go home we would starve. Who would make our tacos? Most of those Chinese restaurants have one chink out front, but they are lousy with Mexicans in back. Now, if we ate the Mexicans, we could kill 2 bird with one fork.

hydes  11/21/07 6:48 pm
yea that black gay jewish clansmen thing should be a shirt

Yuri Tarded  11/21/07 8:01 pm
I guess I don't get the shirt, I didn't think you could be black and be in the Klan.

zach  11/22/07 12:34 am
Why get mexicans out? they work hard, make good food, and are becoming alcoholics and gang bangers. We need to get rid of the niggers cause they are the same thing minus the work hard and make good food thing....
except they are crack heads instead of alcoholics, plus every one of them acts like a fucking monkey hoping around screaming stuff nobody will ever know.

/b/  11/22/07 1:16 am
Shit son...i'm middle aged and white, in western Canada that makes ME a fucking monority, i'm not paki/chinknip/nigger/swami whateverthefuckelse...so I must be a minority

alex  11/22/07 1:25 am
wow zach and I thought I was the only one that noticed that or at least the only one that says it hahaha

El Chupacabra  11/22/07 1:44 am
/b/, I will galdly trade you one douchebag diaper head for 2 chinks and a nigger. Other than a shallow grave, Canada would be my next choice for one of those shit scented pedophiles.

Aaron  11/22/07 3:48 am
eveytime i read these pages i laugh a little more, and if people can't take it, fuck um, these pages are funny, the shirts kick ass, so for all you shmucks who take it as an offence, try the walt disney site, im sure that is to your liking,
I said my piece, opinion are like assholes, everyone has them,
by the way, for all of you who mention, excluding the cool people of this site, racism, let me say, work in the gettos, see that you are busting your ass, and the scums house you are in has better electronics and the " minorty " (don't want to offend the cry babies ) has more gold around there neck than fort knox, but cant feed there family, and the gov is paying there utilties, wait we are paying there utilities, and there furance is up all the way, there oven is on and open, stove burners are all on, and all the windows in the house are open, AND THEY ARE COMPLINING ( what else is new) the house is cold and the goverment is fucking them, you too will be racist.
im done.
happy beer drinking, football watching and disfunctial family get together day

punk2ashun  11/22/07 6:53 am
Aaron wtf is wrong with a full stop now and again asswad

Syphallitic Mohhamad  11/22/07 12:12 pm
Why are you infidels wasting so much time? I have already run over 2 Jews at a crosswalk, run 2 Mexicans and a hooker (the hooker is whole different story) through a wood chipper, decapitated a chink and still had time to assfuck my camel. By camel I mean brother, and by assfuck I mean assfuck. And that is just today

racismrules  11/22/07 7:50 pm
I want my "this t-shirt promotes racism" shirt!
Fuck ya.

Yuri Tarded  11/22/07 8:44 pm
What actually drives racism is being surrounded by a bunch of wet-back taco benders, gang bangin' spear chuckers & dirty decapitating diaper heads. Other than them, I love everybody, except for you.

Cameron  11/23/07 6:38 pm
So you mean two people of a minority or two full minority groups? I can hack the two people but two groups is gonna take at least a week or so. Lol

Darin  11/26/07 12:59 am
How do I join the Gay Black Jewish Klan? Do they take the Chinese?

Golendawn  12/01/07 12:49 am
If by 'Homeland' you mean 'HELL', or even '6 feet under', then I'm all in. Shit, I dont even need the T-Shirts as motivation.


divided we fall

Jizz-Covered Apples - That's the New "Goodbye"

A penny saved is a penny in the possession of a Jew.

Peace

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