BUY SHIRTS
 


11/23/04

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The Mid November Newsletter!
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One truck in a convoy of four loaded with Thanksgiving turkeys, was intercepted by insurgents in Iraq this week. All of the turkeys were beheaded. A U.S. spokesperson issued the following statement. “It says a lot about the insurgents, that they would treat defenseless animals in such an inhumane manner.” The remaining unhijacked turkeys were blindfolded, hooked up to car batteries, sodomized with light sticks, piled in naked pyramids, cooked, and then eaten.

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The Pilgrims brought these shirts to Plymouth Cock
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There are 9 new shirts all of them perfect gifts. They feature many of your favorite fictional holiday characters like Santa Claus, Rudolph, Jesus, and Adolph Hitler.

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When you wish upon Star Jones ... she eats you.
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We recently had a nice write up in Stuff magazine, and probably a nice write up in the Spanish edition of FHM. But it was in Spanish. For all I know it might have been a recipe for spicy bean burritos.

You can read both articles here

Now is the time to sign up as a member and create a wishlist of all of the t-shirt hell crap that you want. If you don’t, your family and friends will just buy you more adult diapers and candy corn for the third year in a row.

Sign up here

If you’re already a member, go make that wish list.

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Thankful as Hell.
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This is what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving.

I’m thankful for my dog, and his big doggy dick. I finally had him neutered, so now we can have all of the unprotected sex we want, and I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant, again.

I’m thankful that heroin is cheaper, more potent, and more widely available than ever. And yet, I can still make an enormous profit when I sell the stuff. Silly third graders think they’re so smart.

I’m thankful I can still find hookers that like it rough. And by rough I mean my bed is covered in 80 grit sandpaper, and my hot tub is filled with rubbing alcohol. But I always tip at least 10%

I’m thankful for my 4 year old half-dog son Ralph.

I’m thankful that Bush declared our mission accomplished in Iraq, and that this silly war on terror is finally over.

I’m thankful for raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens.

I’m thankful God has granted me the strength, and given me the wisdom, and the pliers, to pull off those whiskers.

I’m not thankful yet, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Democratic boytoy John Edward may soon be available.

I’m just thankful there’s a new Bridget Jones movie. I mean, it’s been almost a week since Hugh Grant has been in a romantic comedy.

But most of all I’m thankful for idiots like you who lap up the vitriol that I spew like it was mother’s milk. Now go make mommy happy and buy some t-shirts.

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HATE MAIL
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----- Original Message -----
From: Pennywise***@***.com
Sent: Wednesday, November 17, 2004 6:47 PM
Subject: dead soilder shirt

I was a loyal customer to your website and had bought a bunch of cool shirts.... but the dead soilder shirt is crossing the line and im not sure I will be buying anymore shirt from your site......

(Editor's Note: So you were a loyal customer, but now you’re not? Well that kind of loyalty really sucks. I think disloyal people like you should be dipped in chocolate, and thrown to chocolate loving wolves: hungry, chocolate loving wolves with dull teeth. That way your dismemberment will be slow and painful. And the chocolate should be the type that is really itchy; but itchy to people, not wolves.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: Trevor H

Sent: Monday, November 01, 2004 1:52 PM

This is by far the worst web site I have ever come across! You are trash like no other I have ever seen! Hopefully you practice safe sex.... can't imagine people like yourselves multiplying! It's no wonder our country is going downhill with people like you living here! You are trash!

(Editor's Note: We are the worst web site you have ever come across? Have you ever been to another website? Even if you take out all of the Japanese websites, we are still really far from the worst website out there, but we do appreciate your words of encouragement. And unfortunately, not only are we multiplying, we are also doing long division. But if it makes you feel better, we are not doing any math that involves fractions.)

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----- Original Message -----
From: "April F" <sexypigxxx @ xxx.com>
Sent: Monday, November 15, 2004 12:16 AM
Subject: RE: T-Shirt Hell: Invoice: #2177xx

Please cancel the invoice #2177xx. My daughter ordered this on line without my permission. She doesn't even know what the t-shirt means.

If there is a problem with this please let me know

April F.

PRODUCTS ORDERED:
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Quantity: 1
WEAPON OF ASS DESTRUCTION
MENS JERSEY | WHITE/BLACK | MEDIUM
Item price: $20.00

(Editor's Note: First off, her email address really does start with sexypig. You can’t make this stuff up. Second, April’s daughter is well aware of what her shirt means, having participated at the professional level in the NFL; the National Fisting League. This is a girl who has to tie a rope around her waist so she doesn’t get completely sucked in to the sphincter she’s intent on destroying with her patented two handed tushy tomahawk. In fact, April’s daughter is so skilled at fisting, that there is talk next year she might be asked to join the WNBA. )

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----- Original Message -----
From: Billy S
Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2004 12:24 AM

You sick fucks better think about one thing... most of your T-shirts are funny, and I take offense at few of them. I draw the line, however, when you mock 9-11. Cancer can be made fun of, AIDS can be made fun of, minorities can be made fun of, but 9-11 is not ever funny. If it were up to me, you fucks would have been part of the thousands who were killed during that episode.


(Editor's Note: Another stupid pointless letter about these imaginary lines that only these geniuses can see; that dictate what is funny and what is not funny. Billy, I don’t wish you had died along with the people who died on 9-11, I wish you had died in place of them. That way they’d all still be alive, and I would never have to receive your idiotic email. But if you’re willing to die tomorrow you shit brained cockless, douchebag; that’s fine, too.)

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Recently there was a fistfight between fans and players at a professional basketball game. Not to be outdone, the National Hockey League has announced that during every regular season game not only will several fans be beaten, but one lucky fan will be tied between two Zambonis, and stretched until they are torn in half.

Peace Poop.