11/28/
03

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DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AT ALL?
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Remember when Michael Jackson taught us about the starving
children in Africa? (More on him later.) Children so thin and brittle
that when he handled them too roughly they often burst into
flames from the friction? Well, it's almost Christmas, and the
post office starts to slow down. So, if you want to really,
really, be sure that you have your gifts in time for Christmas; order
them today.

http://www.tshirthell.com/hell.shtml

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GIFTWRAP FROM HELL WRAPS UP, AGAIN
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All of your whining and crying, like the sad little bitches that you
are, has paid off. We have a new, small run of gift wrap.
But believe me when I assure you that there is no more coming.
So, get your hand out of mom's panties, and into her purse.
If you don't get it this week, you're wrapping your gifts in old
newspapers, like last year.

http://www.tshirthell.com/wraphell.shtml

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THE KING OF POP IS A PEDOPHILE? MY ASS!
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OK, maybe not mine; but you can be sure there's plenty of
ass involved. In an unprecedented move, T-Shirt Hell is
releasing not 1, not 2, but 3 new shirts dedicated to everyone's
favorite not so smooth criminal.

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=270

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=271

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=272

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IF YOUNG GIRLS ARE MORE YOUR SPEED...
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Not everyone is turned on by young boys (apparently). Want proof?
Do you have a vcr? The Paris Hilton sex tape is fun for the whole
family.

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=269

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THE MOST HORRIBLE SHIRT EVER CREATED RETURNS
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Sadly, on my recent trip to the big bag of hate mail, I found
that it wasn't quite as full as we would have liked. So, in
an effort to rectify that problem, we have brought back the
most horribly insensitive shirt of all time. Enjoy.

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=102

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GIVING THANKS
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This time of year I think about what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful
that I'm not a young kid with cancer whose last wish was to spend
time with Michael Jackson. Kid's are so stupid. He should have
asked for Justin Timberlake, or that whore Christina Aguilera.
Either way he would have gotten his dick sucked.

I'm glad I wasn't home when Scott Peterson called to see if I
wanted to go fishing with him last Christmas.

I'm glad I only take cooking tips, not stock tips from my neighbor,
Martha Stewart. Here's an inside tip on Martha; she loves a good
fisting, followed by being filled with a half gallon of milk...and then
fisted again so that the milk is pushed out.

I'm glad my sex tape with the Hilton sisters has not been made
public. (It's not that exciting. It's just Nikki laughing and pointing,
while Paris rubs my back and assures me it happens to a lot of
guys.) Fuck you Nikki. Your handbags are all derivative.

But mostly I'm glad I have you, my loyal customer base. Glad
that at the end of the month after blowing most of your paycheck
on lube, cocaine, and midget entertainers, you still have something
left over to buy the occasional t-shirt. Plus, when I think about your
desperate lives, my life looks even better in comparison.

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MAIL FROM THE CRANKY
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----- Original Message -----
From: <Murf***@*****.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2003 6:26 AM
Subject: Re: NEW SHIRT NOTIFICATION- THE RETURN OF
THE MOST INFAMOUS T-SHIRT EVER!

Don't ever send me another e-mail again. If you think that shirt is funny
you're sick. I hope your office burns to the ground today.

(Editor's Note: Hey, Murf. Thanks for the valuable lesson in tolerance.)

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----- Original Message -----

From: "Neil K" <nk****@s**ion.com>
Sent: Sunday, November 16, 2003 11:00 AM
Subject: your shirts suck

your shirts suck. I dont know why anyone would buy them. I can just
make my own copies on my computr at home and I dont have to pay you
faggets anything.

(Editor's Note: So if our shirts suck, why is he making copies? And Neil,
you can make your own airplane if you wanted to, but don't ask me to
fly in it.)

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Well, that's all for this one. I have to go stuff the turkey, if you know
what I mean.

Peace, and thanks...for nothing.