The Christmas season has officially begun. What kind
of idiot gets up at 4 o'clock in the morning to stand
in front of Wal-Mart for 3 hours so they can save $10?
You know this is the same idiot who has left their 5
kids at home alone to play with a book of matches, and
a pint of whiskey in front of the space heater.

If you're an AOL user, or you find you can't click on
any of the links, just copy and paste them into your

Time's Almost Up

Buy your shirts this week if you want them in time
for Christmas. If you wait until next week they
may not arrive in time.

Buy gift certificates for your friends if you don't
know what they want. They are the perfect gift in
an imperfect world. (sniff, sniff)

Become a member and create a wishlist so your
friends will know what you want, or at least have
something to show the authorities.

Road Rage is not a Problem, it's a Solution

Road Rage Cards is a flip book that you keep in
your car. Now all of the people who can't read your
shirt, can still hate you. To take a look, go here:

If you want one, and you know you do, you can use
this code: THELL2235 to get "10%" off your order.
This is available just for you guys so use it fast
because it expires in a week.

Gather Moss and Go Away

Whenever I start to have a glimmer of hope for
humanity, when I start to think that I'm not the
only one who gives a shit about freedom of
expression, I always enjoy a swift kick in the cunt
from some cheap corporate whore masquerading as an
edgy voice for disaffected youth. Rolling Stone
magazine is actually the voice for disinfected youth.
It's clean, safe, boring, and sanitized for your
protection. Just like the toilet seat in your local
Holiday Inn. I shit on both of them. Read about the
uncomfortable dry fuck we took from them. You're

To let Rolling Stone know how you feel about this,
email them at: [email protected]

Hell for the Holidays

When you send toys to poor children on Christmas, or
help out at a food kitchen on Christmas Eve; you are
not helping. Let me say it again. You are not
helping. You are only throwing the rest of their
miserable life into stark relief. These poor, filthy
disgusting dregs of society, who have no one to blame
but themselves for their pitiful circumstances, now
get this message shoved in their face:

Hello from the rarified world of the middle class.
This is what your life could be like every day if we
really wanted to make more than a token effort. If
we were willing to do without one cup of mocha java
latte supreme every week, if we bought one less Oprah
magazine. We could feed you like this every day. We
could give your children toys every week, and clothes,
too. Your daughter wouldn't have to suck cock to buy
you cigarettes.

But we don't care. We couldn't give a shit. Instead
we collect DVDs of crappy movies that we will never
watch again. We would rather use our money to pay for
the electricity to run our elaborate Christmas lights
that we leave on all night. We would rather pay for
pretty lights that no one is looking at than help you.

We want to throw parties for people we don't like in
an effort to throw our affluence in their faces. We
would rather spend $20 on our secret Santa present for
that fat whore in our office who we normally would
never speak to. Even though the cap on presents was
$10, we'll be damned if we're going to look like cheap

Or better yet, we'll buy 'gag' gifts like adult diapers
so everyone can comment on how clever we are, and then
throw them away. Meanwhile, you sit in that alley
stewing in your own piss. Boy, I'll bet you wish you
had one of these adult diapers right now. Instead your
privates are encased in a block of yellow ice.

Rich people love Christmas. We buy our kids and
ourselves whatever we want, and it doesn't matter. We
could give money to charity, and sometimes we give a
little. It doesn't really matter. We have gobs of
money and we need the write off. Mostly we chair
committees to raise money. You ignorant middle class
people give money to our charities. You volunteer and
work for free. You stupid suckers. And these charities
throw great parties to honor us rich people for being
so giving. Usually we get awards, and get to give
speeches about how generous we are. Sometimes we even
get little plaques.

You pathetic middle class sheep love Christmas. Your
lives are so dreary and dull. Cut down a tree and put
it inside our house. That ought to cheer you up. Give
the mailman a 3 lb can of popcorn because he looks like
he could uses 3 fucking pounds of popcorn.

The true meaning of Christmas is that it's way better
to be rich than it is to be poor. Santa clearly gives
better gifts to rich kids than he does to poor kids.
Unless you are Jewish; Santa hates Jewish kids.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I'm a
practicing Muslim. Not a strap a bomb to my belt, blow
myself up Muslim. More like I occasionally tape a
couple firecrackers to my tits and light them off. But
that's only so that I know I can still FEEL SOMETHING,
you know what I mean?

I'm just kidding about being Muslim, but the firecracker
thing is true.

Happy Holidays.

A Lump of Coal Straight Up the Ass to

----- Original Message -----
From: crystal
Sent: Wednesday, November 24, 2004 9:36 PM

im sorry i love ur site dont get me wrong but i dont
like the dead soldier thing.... come on now they it is
there choise to go over there or not ok they know that
they might die what is the point of saying stuff bout it
if they know my point on that shut ur mouth if ya dont
know im sorry i dont like it! but love everything else!


(Editor's Note: Crystal, your parents knew what they
were doing when they named you after something shiny,
transparent and empty. Something pretty to look at; too
fragile to be practical; and ultimately worthless,
destined to be smashed into a million pieces in a
drunken family argument. Your spelling and punctuation
turn your garden variety ignorance into a symphony of
stupidity. It's deafening. Now go sit on the train
tracks and think about what you said.)


----- Original Message -----
From: "Courtney
Sent: Thursday, October 28, 2004 9:24 AM
Subject: Thanks T-Shirt Hell!!

Thanks to your Christopher Reeves shirt I now have hope.
I have hope that when my friend, who has spinal chord
damage, dies, his family can sell his wheelchair on ebay
and maybe make enough to throw a party to celebrate us
not having to wipe his ass anymore. Thanks for the hope!

(Editor's Note: That's what we're all about. Giving
people hope. That and making money. But for now, keep
wiping that ass!)


----- Original Message -----
From: Suffonda
Sent: Tuesday, November 30, 2004 8:36 AM
Subject: T-SHIT-HELL

Hi Sellouts,

I've noticed that the ofensiveness of your t-shirts has
declined greatly in the past few months.

Why can't you wet pussies make a shirt that I want to
purchase anymore.

You "t-shirt hell fags suck cock", why don't you make a
shirt that says that. I'll buy it so I can wipe the cum
off my fingers, when i'm done finger fucking my pussy!


(Editor's Note: Leah is so dark and edgy. She probably
has lots of bad tattoos and enflamed, puss laden piercings.
After a long day behind the counter at Hot Topic she has
decided to get up from her coffin shaped bed in her
parent's basement to grace us with her opinion. Maybe she
can send us some of her bad poetry so we can use that?
Make sure you write it in your own blood. A good way to
make sure you have an ample supply is to cut off your
fucking head you rancid shit eating whore.)


----- Original Message -----
From: Bruce
Sent: Tuesday, November 23, 2004 10:48 AM
Subject: New tshirts

What the fuck is wrong with you guys? it's one thing to
make fun of everyone and everything, but to condone
Hitler's final solution
I hope you guys all drop dead of a horrible debillitating
disease and rot in hell for all eternity. This is not good,
dirty fun, this is a horrible joke gone wrong.

(Editor's Note: This is the part where I remind people that
reading a t-shirt is no substitute for reading a book, or
watching the news. T-shirts are not particularly good
sources of accurate information on which to base your life.
Plenty of the people you see wearing t-shirts, are probably
not actually, "with stupid" (unless they happen to be with
Bruce here).

My suggestion to you Bruce, is that you go
out and actually experience life, and perhaps form your own
opinions. Or, you could just purchase our other Hitler
t-shirt which might be more to your liking. )


----- Original Message -----
From: Brynne K.
Sent: Monday, November 01, 2004 4:11 PM
Subject: product question

I was wondering if you would ever consider making socks...
I guess that's it.


(Editor's Note: Even though we would totally dominate the
world of offensive socks if we decided to get into it, we
have decided to remain outside the fray for now. Frankly
there's just too much competition. Between Sucky Socks,
Shocking Stockings, and Fucked Up Footwear for Fuckers, you
pretty much have the market sewn up. Darn socks. Get it?
Darn socks?)


Jesus once said, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first
stone." Then, since he was without sin, he started throwing
stones at everybody. Afterwards, everyone agreed this was
pretty unfair. That's why no one follows that rule today.

Peace In the Snow


If you do not want to receive this newsletter, why did you
fucking sign up for it, you idiot? You can use the link below,
or if you're too stupid to make that work, you can hit Reply
and type REMOVE in the subject line. Or instead of opening it,
just forward it to your addressbook. Remember, it's better
to give than to receive.