Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston were pulled over by Scottsdale police earlier this week, and Vaughn was given a sobriety test. "It's not that he was driving erratically," said the officer. "We just can't think of any other reason why he'd be dating her." Other officers speculate Vaughn may have lost some type of bet.

[Order Now For Christmas Delivery]

If you want to receive your order in time for Christmas, you really need to order it now. At the very latest, order by Sunday December 11, before midnight, Eastern Standard Time. Don't delay; you're not getting any more popular even with your friends and family.

[Our Gift To You]

True, it's not much; but it's more than you got us. They're free, they're fun, they're downloadable: and the FCC, the RIAA, and the FBI won't be able to touch you. You'll just have to touch yourself.

If you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and paste it into your browser.

[No Article]

We are not going to give you an article this week so that you'll have more time to shop. But as always, we have plenty of hatemail. Enjoy.

[Hatemail as cold as Frosty's heart]

----- Original Message -----

From: Ashnat D.
Sent: Tuesday, November 29, 2005 8:15 AM
Subject: Santa Hates Jewish Kids

I was just shopping for Christmas presents for my 4 Jewish kids on the net,
and I found your T-shirt with Santa pissing on a Menorah quite tasteless,
and offensive. Christmas to my knowledge is not about promoting religious hatred. I think you should be ashamed of yourselves for this product. You certainly lost my

I shall enjoy my Christmas holidays, and so will my kids!!!

Ashnat D.

(Editor's Note: Asshat, I think you should be ashamed of yourself, buying Christmas presents for your Jewish kids. Everyone knows Jews don't celebrate Christmas. They're just going to grow up confused and alienated by their own people. When they go to temple, the other Jews will pelt them with dreidels and matzoh. Both of these items have pointy edges. Your kids may still turn out fine. Unless you punished them, like your parents punished you, with crazy names like Ashnat. Even the kids whose parents gave them Klingon names will mock them. Santa does hate Jewish kids. If he liked Jewish kids, you wouldn't be out buying them presents would you? He would take care of it. But while you're out shopping for presents, Santa is at your house shitting in your latkes.)

----- Original Message -----

From: Ayyaz A.
Sent: Sunday, November 27, 2005 5:43 AM
Subject: complaint

I have a serious complaint to make visiting your web site I encountered an
highly objectionable thing I am talking about

In this why you have used the world "Koran" and shown the person sitting in
toilet seat. you should eliminate this product or should change the name to
some thing else.

Koran is the name of Holiest book of Islam and its the word of God.

Ayyaz A.

(Editor's Note: Ayyaz, we had no idea that Koran was the name of the Holiest book of Islam. Boy, are our faces red! I thought the Koran was a book of ancient Arabic barbecue recipes, while my friend thought it was a book of erotic fiction. No wonder we had so many problems finding good parts to mutually masturbate to. But after we saw how much semen and pussy juice the pages could absorb, we naturally thought it would make good toilet paper. Next thing you'll be telling me we shouldn't have broken into that Mosque. Or that it is not an appropriate building to fill with whores and wild pigs, to film our series of interspecies, snuff, bukakke videos.)

----- Original Message -----

From: "megan m." <megmor*** @ ***.com>
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2005 12:17 PM
Subject: new shirt

I really need a shirt for my boyfriend. He is a redhead and i i want to give him a funny shirt for christmas. Can you put some on your site? thanks,'

(Editor's Note: Damn it, Megan. We will not put funny shirts on our site for you, or your boyfriend- even if he is a redhead. Have you seen our popular, "redheads only date morons" shirt? Ask your boyfriend to explain it to you. OK, we'll put some funny shirts on the site, but don't tell anybody. You'll only be able to see them if you take all of your clothes off, and stand on your head in front of a moving train.)

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Monday, November 28, 2005 5:24 PM
Subject: uhm..ewwa

the shirt about faggots is gross and offensiv. my son finds it insulting
and so do I--and I'm straight. Please take it off, immediatly. COnsequences
will pursue if you fail to.

(Editor's Note: Denise, I'm sorry you and your son find the shirt about faggots gross and offensive. Although, I'm pretty sure they're also not too keen on being called faggots. You may want to run that one by your gay son. And stop going around saying you're straight. There is only so much you can chalk up to normal childhood curiosity; college 'experimenting'; and parental 'rape'. I'm not even sure it's appropriate to call your son 'gay'. Just because you enjoy taking his temperature rectally with your tongue, is no indication of his sexual preference. You also mentioned consequences. What kind of consequences are we talking? Please don't tell me we face another strongly worded letter. You're not going to load your trailer full of fertilizer mixed with kerosene, and drive it into our building are you? You'd have to take it off the cement blocks and put the wheels back on. You'd destroy your entire collectable spoon collection. Stay on your couch and just relax. Keep taking sips from the can of kerosene you've been huffing until the voices fade away.)

[Road Rage Cards]

Road Rage Cards are the perfect holiday gift and they are on sale for the
holidays. Just type the word, "hell" in the discount code box for $2 off
every book that you buy.

[So Long and Good-bye]

Don't wait to place your order. I don't see you making any new friends any
time soon. But we still love you. And by you, I mean your money.