Happy almost Year of the Ox, Asian people. Not that it matters what kind of year I wish upon you. It'll inevitably be the same routine. Everyone younger than 14 will work in a factory, everyone between the ages of 14-17 will appear in puke and shit porn, and everyone 18 and older will live in an area the size of half a cubicle while putting in a solid 20-hour workday at a plant that produces cars that actually run, or some product that will poison thousands of Americans. You guys really run a tight ship. Life must be really great for .0000001% of you.

Seriously though, Happy New Year to all the normal people of the world. You know, people who can't be described as "tapioca-colored." 2009 promises to be an exciting year full of change and hope and more disappointed voters than you can shake an autistic kid at. But don't worry, Obama voters. Conservatives are a mature and sensitive bunch, and I'm sure they won't rub your nose in it.

John Travolta's son died last week after hitting his head in the bathtub. When asked to comment on the tragedy, Travolta said, "Would ya just watch the hair!" He later added "Wooowheee, you good lookin'!" Then he said "You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?" You're right, I just watched a bunch of Travolta movies. The important thing is a teenager just died.

A coroner recently reported that Dr. Dre's son died as a result of an overdose. The coroner then added, "I mean, what else would it be? He's black and he didn't get shot." Anyway, you may be wondering why Dre was unable to help his son, him being a doctor and all, but he's not the useful kind of doctor. He's the kind that sells millions of albums to idiots because he can rhyme racial slurs.

Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah Palin, recently gave birth to a loaf of DNA I'm sure they've decided to name after some noun or wholesome sounding adjective. "Big fucking deal" you say? I would normally agree with you. I mean, 17-year-old idiots give birth all the time. What makes this case special is that Bristol Palin is white. What's that about? Those people are supposed to be able to afford abortions.

long division


picture 1

So 2008 sucked. The economy was so bad I had to fire two of my fork washers and sell all but one of my jet-skis that run on emeralds. As if that weren't bad enough, neither Brian Dennehy nor Kelly Ripa died.

But I'm not about focusing on the negative. It leaves little else to focus on, but I still manage to find some positive things in the garbage heap we call existence. So, instead of recapping a year so bad it vindicated every suicide and atheist on the planet, I'd like to look ahead. Here are some things to look forward to this year.

We got us a black president - It won't mean much politically or economically, but at least a bunch of rednecks and hillbillies who peaked intellectually at the age of 12 will have a whole new batch of jokes about watermelon and crack to keep themselves preoccupied.

The dollar will no longer exist - That sounds bad, but I'm curious about the design of our new money. Will it be essentially the same but with corporate mascots in place of presidents? Or will it be a bunch of crazy coins or small wooden cubes coated with enamel? Maybe (fingers crossed) we'll all get some kind of chip implanted in our arms and the government will give us a monthly allowance and tracpicture 1k our spending. Exciting times.

Chinese leadership - Again, that sounds bad, but if you'd take a moment to get over your strident patriotism you'd realize this country needs some help, and no one can do that like those little yellow fucks. Think of them as an efficiency expert. They're just going to get rid of some of the dead weight (black people and midgets) and turn this operation around. Di di mao, round-eye!

NO OLYMPICS! - Well, that's not true. The Special Olympics will be held this year, but I don't count Special Olympics because they're actually entertaining. And unlike my Tard Zoo, you can enjoy them for free.

No more Bush - Again, it won't mean much politically; but Bush's value, if he ever had any, was used up long ago. Even as comedic fodder, he has outlived his usefulness by at least two years. Also, it'll be nice to see Sean Hannity in attack mode rather than defense mode. Go get 'em, Hannity! He fights for people like you and me. You know... ignorant assholes.

Plenty of abandoned housing available - Perfect for squatters, junkies, drifters and runaways. Also makes a great spot to cook drugs, perform off-the-books abortions, or just get together and plot with your hate group.

picture 1Heath Ledger can't possibly die this year.

Terrorist attack - You know it's gonna happen. And even though it will have nothing to do with Obama, it'll be fun to see 10 million rubes feel validated. Just imagine hearing "I told ya so" in the most uneducated voice imaginable five times a day. Hearing a bunch of mouth-breathers get snotty... fuck, it's going to be so awesome!

OJ will be in jail - I guess that's good. People think it means justice has been served. Personally, I'd like to see him remain free. He's getting on in years and it won't be long before he's a harmless old man. It'd be cute to see him walking around. "There's old man Simpson. I heard he once cut a white lady's head off. Oh, and now he's dribbling on his bib... isn't that precious?"

Our troops will finally come home - That's right, US troops will finally- What's that? Okay, I'm being told Obama was just paying us lip service and our troops will remain in the Middle East for the foreseeable future. That's okay; I'll find the positive spin. Let's see... silver lining, silver lining... Okay, got it. I just invested in a company that makes prosthetic limbs and antidepressants. Now THAT is how you turn lemons into lemonade.

picture 1Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron and the Jonas Brothers will all be raped and eaten by cannibals - My brain wants this so bad it's going to manifest it. It just has to.

A new season of American Idol - Clearly that's not the good news. So what is the good news? I've recently discovered I'm a new breed of fetishist called a "television masochist." Idol makes me cum three times in one hour. It's as satisfying as golf in one quarter the time.

Increased American presence in Afghanistan - That's really going to drive up the price of opium. I can't explain why, but trust me when I say that is fantastic news. Oh, and we might get that one guy. What was his name? Bon Lordin? Ban Looden? You know who I mean, the bearded cave-dweller who looks like he reeks. You're right, every person reading this. That DOES describe every Muslim. Well done, gang.picture 1

Sarah Palin's new career - This is contingent upon how her book sells, but I'm confident we'll be seeing her muff shots in Penthouse by February. Either that or she'll rent out her tard baby to people who need stamps licked. Either one will be entertaining.

We won't see Michael Phelps again until the next Olympics - Seriously, how many times did that retarded-looking fuck smash into the pool wall to make his face look like that? Good lord... it's like he looked at the Ark of the Covenant right after getting stung by a bunch of bees.

We won't have to pretend we give a shit about Caylee Anthony - Did any of you sincerely give a fuck? I mean, she made a tasty stew, but she was nothing special. Just remember to ignore the media next time they try to make us give a shit about a little white trash girl with terrible parents. Here, I'll take care of this for all of you. "RIP, Annabelle Lynn Rebecca Flenderson. Sorry your parents were allowed to breed."

Comments (27) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Jess  01/05/09 4:40 pm
Fucking awesome!

RedBeard  01/05/09 8:47 pm
Even better would be shots of Palin in Hustler. I'd stand in line for that.

Yobee  01/05/09 8:54 pm
Aww goddammit, Jess said what I was agonna say. Hold on, I know I can be just as clever. Gimme a sec. No! No, wait! I can be funnee 2! I just need...

Ass2Mouth  01/05/09 10:15 pm
Fuck You Guys, You all suck SHIT! You Stay Classy San D-Eggo.

melody  01/06/09 6:30 am
Hell Yeah! Keep up the hilarious comments! You fucking rock!

greg  01/06/09 7:12 am
thanks for exercising the 1st ammendment so thoroughly i'd totally vote for you if you run for pulbic office. man kaylee anthony is a sweet piece of psycotic trailer trash ass.

Aaron N  01/06/09 7:21 am
Until now, I didn't have the words to express just how ugly Michael Phelps is. Thanks!

Olivia  01/06/09 10:08 am
I love you guys. Please don't ever stop.

rick lilley  01/06/09 12:14 pm
the "ark of the covenant" line is the funniest ever! i'll steal it whenever i can...

Amber  01/06/09 2:28 pm
Wow, these T-Shirt Hell "Things" suck. You guys used to have a really hilarious writer. This one seriously sucks. None of this shit is funny anymore. Get the other guy back, PLEASE. I'm serious. These are just painful to read now.

LORD GEKKO  01/06/09 8:38 pm
Amber is right. This shit sucks. Fuck the fuck off.

efarstan  01/06/09 9:35 pm
awwww...thats sharon tate hugging the snowman

amanda  01/06/09 10:13 pm
Seriously, it takes alot to make me puke, but your comment about caylee had me spewin. She didn't get the chance to be a white trash parent yet.

Iman Azol  01/07/09 5:21 am
Amber, you lie. You can't read.

And I never pretended to give a shit about Caylee Anthony. I don't even know who the fuck the cunt is, but if she tongue-twirls my goo I'll give her the same five bucks I gave Bristol Palin and Michele Obama.

Alan J  01/07/09 7:11 am
Ok jackasses... How sickening it is to see some of your write in to have them remove certain items! What the fuck? Some other douche may not laugh at what you think is funny. Should we remove them too? And seriously I do not give a FUCK who you voted for or what your political views are although you are a fucktard lemming for voting for that so called "Black" guy. DISCLAIMER: HE IS AS WHITE AS HE IS BLACK DIPSHIT!
So anyway, keep the 1st amendment alive and fuck all you people that would promote censorship. You disgust me! TSHIRTHELL ROCKS!

Obama eats white cock  01/07/09 8:00 am
Niggreses should be raped and not heard.

tabsicle  01/07/09 1:31 pm
hahahaha this is great

Bin Laden = best hide & seek player EVER

D-Nice  01/07/09 2:12 pm
"Rent out her tard baby to people who need stamps licked" Hahahahahahahhahahahaahahah!
(I just peed)

Mitzi  01/07/09 7:03 pm
I absolutely LOVE everything you say! Keep it up! :-)

Cj  01/08/09 5:44 am
fuck you. no, not you, the other dumbfuck. ok, you too. all you complaining felch masters just shut the fuck up. read the Bill of Rights. there's nothing there about the right to never be offended. my only complaint is to myself. I should have fucked the Olson twins before they were famous. remember, Jesus died for our sins, but what's he done for us lately?

hitower  01/08/09 5:45 pm
Yes Jesus did die for our sins in that cute little novel some dude penned a while back, so I figure we get his moneys worth....

Death Magnetic  01/09/09 3:14 pm
This one's pretty rancid. I think Michael Phelps should go away and soon. That Caylee shit is sad, but that's what happens when white trash is allowed to reproduce. Maybe her mother will get pregnant again while in jail and kill the next one, too.

Irritated by Idiots  01/09/09 10:45 pm
This is the greatest website on the planet!!!! If u don't like it go fuck yourself you closed minded useless dumbass boring lame pathetic uneducated societal ass kissing pieces of shit...

Meg  01/10/09 2:36 am
AHHHHHHHHmazing. Keep up the good work.

Bob  01/10/09 1:42 pm
Why does everyone, especially (what do you want to be called these days - black or African American? I'll go with black) blacks think our president is black? He is not black. He is whiter than white. His mother was white. The grandparents that raised him are white. He went to white schools (I think Harvard is pretty white isn't it?) The only thing black about him was his sperm donor. And that ain't sayin' much.

Matt  01/11/09 9:34 pm
I don't understand why people give a shit if Obama's white, black, or a half breed. He's a fucking communist! That's what we should be worried about.

mike  01/11/09 10:12 pm
All I have to say is I love these guys. Keep it up everyone we still love you. I just hope you don't make us start buying shirts to be on the email list.


-----Original Message-----

9/11 was an inside job... From: Jim K.

"just someone who is looking for a discount (like a Jew)". Never, ever buy from you. and i'm irish. assholes!

Editor's Note: So you say you're Irish and you're threatening to never buy from us? You are aware our shirts aren't made out of potatoes and beer, right? And they make a poor choice of weapon when you're looking for something to strike your wife with.

Okay, that was pretty weak. It's just so damn hard to offend white people. Well, that's not true or we wouldn't have received this email in the first place. I guess the key to offending white people is to insult or degrade some minority group so they can defend them in an attempt to feel morally superior. With that in mind, I'd like to dedicate the next paragraph to all the Caucasians I'd like to upset.

Gay people should be forced to wear shock collars and be confined to a 200-acre area in Iowa, which will henceforth be known as the "Gay-quarium." Black people (myself excluded) should be our sled-dogs in an event called the "Faster Iditarod." Mexican females should be forced to have their tubes tied between the ages of 4-12, as this is when they are apparently most fertile. All Muslims are potential terrorists and should be shackled and peed upon accordingly.

Take that, honkies!

Comments (18) - View Comments - Add A Comment

sean  01/05/09 6:38 pm

RedBeard  01/05/09 8:51 pm
You forgot the gooks, slopes, slants, jews, and sand niggers. Shouldn't exclude them.

stephen  01/06/09 1:38 am
He's not Irish. We don't claim it as a state of mind or religious belief. He's just another American idiot who wants to be special.

Fred Ziffel  01/06/09 4:01 am
What have you got against Iowa?

Dave  01/06/09 5:12 am
That doesn't offend me at all. Just make sure the Gay-quarium isn't in central Iowa, I don't want to be around that shit!

DupDeDoo  01/06/09 9:17 am
Want to offend the Irish? Show them a bar of soap. Oh wait, that's how you get rid of someone who is Irish.

Cameron  01/06/09 3:59 pm
So your running for president 2012? Because thats the best damn plan I've heard in quite a while

Iman Azol  01/07/09 5:23 am
Just don't put the gay niggers in Iowa. It'll bring the property values down. And where do I apply for a job pissing on other Muslims?

Erin  01/07/09 7:25 am
Shirts aren't made of potatoes & beer?!? WTF?!?

o.O  01/08/09 10:46 am
Whats so special about Iowa? Every city should have its own Gay-quarium, so we can visit it like the zoo and throw shit at them. Literally.

Steve  01/08/09 4:28 pm
rofl that wuz some good shit right there  01/08/09 5:14 pm
To whoever is responsible for these news posts:

Sir, I would just like to congratulate you on not wasting your excellent ability of knowing WHAT IT IS PEOPLE WANT! Fuck yes. It's time for a revolution, nigger. Yes, I said nigger. Only a faggot would have a problem with that. Being a hippie isn't hip anymore, bitch!

Death Magnetic  01/09/09 3:18 pm
Cool! Where do we get the Mexican females tubes tied? That'll keep them from wanting to come here if we make that a stipulation for crossing the border. Like there aren't enough here?

Laura  01/09/09 9:30 pm
Stupid people and Mexicans should not breed. However, if they did not this earth would be sad and lonely, and we would not have anyone to make fun of.

Bigdaddy  01/10/09 9:16 am
I could take offense to the redneck comments....."peaked intellectually" at age 12?! Hell, by age 12 we've slept with Momma, tried to sleep with Sister, and done bin in the 3rd grade for tree years. Lifes experiences by age 12 for a redneck greatly outweigh the fact that we're just plain ignant...

Joe White Guy  01/10/09 11:32 am
I'm so for it.

Sean K Etzel  01/12/09 9:53 am
That was the weakest attemp to offend anybody I have ever read. You used to be a real go-getter, what happened? A little down in the mouth this new year? Running out of racial slurs to sling relentlessly toward anybody who subscribes? too bad, I used to enjoy this.

MOTOBOY  01/20/09 4:50 pm
you sloppy wet vaginal blood Shart- you couldnt come up with something better for the fudgepackers, negroes, wet backs and sandniggers?

joy division

-----Original Message-----

From: Victoria

Wow. I just logged on to place a corporate Christmas order of around 500 shirts. That email about gas prices being low and my local church just sitting there really made me rethink where I'd like my money to go. Now I'm sorry I've spent so much here in the past.

Glad to see you are doing so well that you don't need the business. Some things are just not funny.

Editor's Note: You're right, some things are just not funny. You, Frank Caliendo, cereal with nuts in it, and Latin comedy (although Latinos themselves are hilarious).

Wait - Did you say 500 shirts? I take it all back. The church joke, that line about Latinos, every single word I've ever written in jest or otherwise; I take it all back. I even take back every offensive word or image that appears on all the shirts you wanted to purchase, many of which are more offensive than the line you complained about.

I don't care that your logic shit all over itself or that I caught you bullshitting. I will gladly eat humble pie and apologize if you will follow through with your order. If it'll grease the wheels at all, I'll even promise to build a couple churches to make up for my error.

Obviously they can't be very nice churches or I'll blow my profit margin, but I can set up a couple of pup tents and paint crosses on them; then you and your church buddies can do whatever it is you do in church.

What DO you people do in church? Put on Jesus masks and toss each other's salads? You make me sick.

Comments (18) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Moe  01/05/09 4:10 pm
Haha! Church is a corporate entity! Tax the shit out of them.....I am sure the big wigs are doing quite well with the sheep's money.

vyzion360  01/05/09 8:28 pm
I think this was quite literally the most hilarious thing I've ever read! *lmao*

Awwww man ... I stop by often, and I've never left comments, but this one just deserves applause.

Well done, man ... well done *lol*

[email protected]

Terror  01/05/09 9:42 pm

Nonny Amos  01/06/09 9:54 am
You can't toss salad wearing Hay-Soos masks, moron.

As for the church, if we can't tax them because of separation of church and State, then their religion can't affect legislation because of separation of church and State. That, or we vice versa it. Tax The mission!!

Nimrod  01/06/09 6:11 pm
I love the church I go to. We listen to lovely music like Lamb of God, Demon Hunter and Slayer. But we only do the mask thing once a year.....cant remeber when though. It wasnt last week, we were all telling dead baby jokes.

Anti-Christ  01/06/09 7:03 pm
Lemme guess? You were hoping to not pay taxes on that 500 shirt order too? Should you be buying starving kids in 3rd world countries a hot meal and vaccinations instead? Oh, that's somebody else's problem, right? Eff Church!

Erik  01/07/09 3:13 am
Wel the church sucks;) they never have any money(they always ask for money) and the old man is sitting on a golden throne in rome, something telling me the church is lying. that , and the nice sience fiction book the've wrote.

Iman Azol  01/07/09 5:25 am
She claims to go to church, yet she can read (sort of). There's bullshit here somewhere.

Cornholio lives!  01/07/09 9:26 am
Yeah Victoria, I'm sure when the corporate execs sent you to your cubicle to buy softball shirts for the entire company they intended for you to buy "White Flour" T-shirt from T-shirt hell.

Nice try with the bullshit. You didn't come to the site to buy one t-shirt let alone 500. You came to try to execute what you though was a clever plan that turned out to be as transparent as the ass in my worn-out tighty whities.

Rob  01/08/09 7:40 am
Ya, frank caliendo is not funny.

stephen  01/08/09 10:32 am
to prove that T-shirt Hell are pussies and that Christians are really fucked up, Check this out!!!

Colin  01/08/09 3:59 pm
Good catch on that website, Stephen. What a perfect illustration of the douchiest type of radical Christianity at its fucking worst.

Rob~  01/08/09 4:17 pm
"What DO you people do in church? Put on Jesus masks and toss each other's salads? You make me sick."

LMAO! And yes, there is nothing funny about Frank Caliendo, except maybe the size of his penis, but I'm just guessing here...

Stephen - Thanks for the link. Glad to see the xian principles of turning the other cheek and loving thy neighbor are alive and well...

Death Magnetic  01/09/09 3:21 pm
I guess I won't be in church on Sunday, then. Latinos are hilarious, though. Especially when they're being driven back to the border screaming, "I'm a U.S. citizen!!!!"

Janie  01/09/09 4:04 pm
I never leave comments on these things, I just like to read the idiocy that some people send in, but I HAVE to leave a comment here to say THANK GOD other people agree that Frank Caliendo is NOT funny. Yes, he can do impressions, that doesn't mean I want to see him do the same ones every single day! Oh, and to "Death Magnetic" (an odd name for a skinny 13 year old white boy)'re not funny. That's right, your comment was so UNfunny, I actually had to purposely point out that fact. I know you want to hop on the bandwagon and make fun of Latino's just like everyone else, but at least come up with something original next time.

Death Magnetic  01/10/09 2:38 pm
Oh, God! Let me guess, "Janie", you're a Mexican, right?!? Or what are you calling yourselves this decade, "Latinos"? First off, I don't care whether my comment was funny or not. I don't post them to see if I can get laughs out of anyone. I post what's on my mind. If others find it amusing, fine. If not, who cares? If you've somehow become offended, because that's how Mexicans are, that's your problem. "You actually had to purposely point out that fact." A whole lot of words for a Mexican with a 5th grade education. As a matter of fact, "Janie", I don't have to jump on any bandwagons, unlike you. "I HAVE to leave a comment here to say THANK GOD other people agree that Frank Caliendo is NOT funny.". Neither are your comments or the stupidity that radiates from that steaming asshole you call a mouth. Do me a favor and stay silent. You're definitely a whole lot more attractive that way, for a Mexican/Latino or whatever the hell you people refer to yourselves as!!!!

DOUCHE  01/11/09 4:13 am
Janie's got a GUN, Janie's got a GUN. She thinks her Lorcin's kina fun, she points it at her head and then she shoots her dead. If it were true... Admit it Janie that would be HILLARIOUS!!!

motoboy  01/20/09 4:53 pm
Victoria is the dumbest CUNT to write in in a long time. What a FuckTard.

division of labor

-----Original Message-----

From: Steven W.

I was browsing your site and saw some baby t-shirts that were funny. I was actually thinking about purchasing the one "I can't walk yet and I already hate the Yankees". I saw the one about "Retarded Babies for Palin" and felt compelled to write you.

I am not a conservative Christian, (in fact, I even voted for Obama). I do, however, find that t-shirt very insulting and very distasteful. I hope you will remove it from your site.

Steven W.
Philadelphia, PA

Editor's Note: Oh God... another one of you assholes. "I'm not this kind of douche. I'm a completely different kind of douche, so my douche-osity is completely excusable. I'm not a fucking retard; I only complain like one."

You can say you're hip and you have a sense of humor all the livelong day, but saying something doesn't necessarily make it so. I don't get off on tying up children, throwing them in a room with starving raccoons and listening to their screams through the door. See what I mean?

A common trait among douches is they are not aware they are douches. We're living in the golden age of self-awareness, yet douches remain oblivious to their own douchiness. Nerds know they're nerds, assholes know they're assholes, and even white trash knows it's white trash. Yet douches don't know they're douches because the connotations of that word are so negative they can't bring themselves to accept it.

But you can buck the trend, Steven. Just look in the mirror and acknowledge that only a huge fucking douche would send a complaint to a T-shirt company. You can be the trailblazer who starts the movement for douches who have come out of the closet. You can single-handedly found the NAADP.

The most important thing is that you just stop lying to yourself. Say it loud and say it proud: "I am an enormous douche. Society hates me, but my life has value." Now go drink bleach.

Comments (17) - View Comments - Add A Comment

DroZ  01/05/09 3:59 pm
I read those comments every month...and honestly...seeing how dumb people are makes me realise that, were fucked...there is no hope for humanity because of dumbass retarded like that...."I am not a conservative Christian, (in fact, I even voted for Obama)"...FUCK YOU YOU UGLY PIECE OF SHIT, YOU SICKEN ME...sadly 99.7% of the world population are dumbass fuck like you...again FUCK YOU!!!

The7thSon  01/05/09 8:34 pm
Don't forget the Drano chaser with that bleach!

Felipericardobonanza  01/05/09 10:51 pm
absolutely hilarious response, especially about how us assholes realize we're assholes, but fucking douchebags dont know what they are

Sam  01/06/09 1:32 am
DroZ, I hope english is not your native tongue, because if it is you just made a total fool of yourself...

I do, however, agree with your sentiments.

pitScorpion  01/06/09 11:49 am
"I'm not a fucking retard; I only complain like one."
^best line ever!

sled  01/06/09 12:40 pm
so if you don,t know your,e an asshole that makes you a douche bag ...asshole.

Me  01/06/09 6:15 pm
Um, Sam ... "English" should be capitalized and you don't need the comma you inserted in the first sentence. Now who's the fool?

Glock doctor  01/06/09 6:44 pm
After you drink your bleach and chase it with drano, I'd like to see somebody dump gasoline on you and set your retarded fucking ass on fire, while other people take turns shooting at you while your running around screaming like a little bitch. Fuck you, you obama-voting piece of dog shit!

cary  01/06/09 7:18 pm
Hmmm just how do you think they got the tard baby in the first place. Bleach drinking in Alaska. Go Palin

Dani  01/06/09 9:11 pm
... someone is going to wonder why voting for a black guy has anything to do with going to church... conservative Christian... that must be another way of saying I run around in a pointy white hat and cape if your going to point out that you're that fucking racist.

Warwick  01/06/09 11:22 pm
Glock doctor 01/06/09 9:44 pm
After you drink your bleach and chase it with drano, I'd like to see somebody dump gasoline on you and set your retarded fucking ass on fire, while other people take turns shooting at you while your running around screaming like a little bitch. Fuck you, you obama-voting piece of dog shit!

Nice try, but if you were demonstrating your elite spelling and grammar skillZ, you failed!
Anyone care to point out where?

Iman Azol  01/07/09 5:29 am
Warwick, Me, no one gives a shit about how well you phaggots can spell. Now go suck each others' cocks and keep quiet.

So, TSH, you've now been told that one of your shirts is offensive! What do you think about that?? At least now you know.

Incidentally, I fucked Sarah Palin in high school, and I know I'm an Azol.

Glock doctor  01/07/09 7:09 am
Warwick, needle-dick, whatever the fuck you call yourself..... What do you think was spelled wrong? Anyways, that's beside the point. Nobody gives a fuck about you. In fact, Most people would have no problem erasing your existence, I'd even bet my own life that if it weren't for the laws protecting you, everybody you know would have already gotten over your death. But unfortunately, that's not the way things are. You should probably suck-start a shotgun. Just make sure that you use the bathroom first, because you're such a pussy you'll shit your pants and most likely piss on yourself at the same time, before you even pull the trigger. Furthermore, be courteous to the poor motherfucker that has to clean up the mess, do it outside.

Nicholas  01/07/09 12:58 pm
ya know, I love 95% of your shirts. yalls shit is hilarious. but just because there may be 5% that make me feel as if I'm going to be struck by lightning for laughing at them, doesnt mean you should take them out of inventory. there is always someone who finds humor in the offense of others. thats why you guys exist right? so, to the douche bags out there, suck my sack. thanks for listening.

Mike  01/07/09 4:47 pm
Wouldn't that be NAADB...national association for advancement of douche bags? just checking

Death Magnetic  01/09/09 3:28 pm
Why does anyone give a shit whether or not you're a conservative Christian? What is that, anyway? And why is it important that he state that he voted for Obama? Seriously, do any of you remotely give a fuck? If you don't like these products, don't buy any. But please stop requesting that they remove them because you're too weak minded to know humor when you see it! The audacity of some people!

Glock doctor  01/11/09 11:37 am
I sure wish warwick wasn't such a fucking coward.... How's that little cocksucker gonna talk shit and then go run and hide? You are the failure, bitch.

does this remind you of your favorite pair of panties?

-----Original Submission-----

From: Chris

To whom it may concern:

My name is Chris B., and I am a college student. I would like a new computer, specifically, a new 15-inch macbook pro. Being a college student, my funds for this are all but nonexistent. Therefore, I am selling advertising space on this yet-to-be-bought macbook for 100$ a square inch.

I am sending this email through my school account, and will sign any paperwork needed to prove this is legitimate. If you agree, your brand name or logo will be seen in coffee shops, public libraries, and shopping malls in the greater Nashville area. If you are interested, please respond and we can hash out the details.

Thanks for your time;

Editor's Note: This may surprise you, but I am interested. I'm also interested in helping out all those Nigerian princes. I'm positive that I'll be seeing some return on that $10,000 investment any day now.

But seriously, if I was interested, I would certainly contact you. But it wouldn't be to hash out the details. I would simply ask you to cut off the top of my skull, pour gas all over my brain and set that mother fucker on fire; because that scenario would indicate to me my brain was no longer fully functional and should be destroyed before it ruined the lives of everyone I care for (me and my Puerto Rican midgets).

I'm sure our sales would skyrocket if I took you up on your proposal, because I know how the college kids love to carefully study and commit to memory every single square inch of stranger's laptops, but I think I'm going to pass. I do have a suggestion for you though. Instead of selling ad space on your computer, save up your money and buy all that space for yourself. Fill in that area with the phrase "I'm a fucking tool and I'm going to kill myself because everyone wants me to."

Gee, all this guy wanted was to sell some ad space so he could buy a computer. Was I too hard on him? No, no I wasn't. Rot in hell, Chris.

Comments (10) - View Comments - Add A Comment

Mack  01/05/09 11:26 pm
What kind of pussy sends around an email like that? If you can't afford it, you're either jewish or your poor. Either way, you can't afford it. Get the fuck over it and settle for a piece of paper and a pen.

Tam Tam the Ree Ree  01/06/09 5:49 am
Boy, that sure is a great idea. I am now selling ad space on my body, and any company is welcome to pay me for a tattoo of their logo on my skin. $500 for arm space, $300 for legs or torso, and $1,000 for my dick and balld because space is limited, and alot of children 5-12 years old see it on a daily basis.

racialslur  01/06/09 8:21 am
fuck for a $100 id get a whole tshirt hell tshirt tatty on my whole torso

Michael  01/07/09 12:04 am
I'm selling ads on my enormously big cock, if you're interested. I promise it will get lots of attention and pussy.

Iman Azol  01/07/09 5:33 am
Chris: I'll give you five bucks to suck me off---same deal Bristol Palin and Michele Obama got. But you not only have to tongue twirl, you have to gargle. But, do it 10,000 times over four years, that's only about 7 times a day, and your education will be paid for.

TheAwesum  01/08/09 12:47 am
Dumbass Communist Hippy wants the world to buy him a computer... why doesn't it surprise me that it's a Mac he wants. It's probably even one of those fucking gay 'green' laptops.

Creedih Survivor  01/08/09 5:00 pm
We all want to kill ourselves but are to scared. Killing yourself is better than convincing the world you havea big cock and love pussy. Wow! It is fun to say PUSSY. Before we kill ourselves, lets go to our efficiency apartment balcony and just yell Pussy.

roxie's mamma  01/08/09 6:15 pm
Every single time I think I've seen people being really stupid, I see someone else being even more stupid!! I think we should build a really deep canal across the u.s. mexico border, then we could fill the canal with alligators, then we feed the alligators all the gay people, the homeless, the meth addicts, and give folks on welfare 30 days to find a job or it's the canal. This would also come in handy when terrorists are found.
Seriously , though, I like your sense of humor and if people can't take a joke then fuck 'em after all, who twisted their arm and made them look at your stuff??? STUPID!!!

Death Magnetic  01/09/09 3:36 pm
How far along are you in your degree plan, Chris? Why don't you take Iman up on his offer? At the end of it all, you won't have any dignity left. You damn sure don't have any if you're selling space on a computer you don't own. At least when Iman is finished with you, you won't have to pay back a dime. What a dumbass!

Anon  04/06/09 3:00 am

division of labor

[Crappy Jew Queer]

Cry when you need to, laugh when you can. Devote all remaining time to masturbation.