[I'm Still Alive and so is Worse Than Hell]

A Word from the President of T-Shirt Hell:

Many of you wondered if there was "another" reason I took, 'Worse than Hell' down; who suspected something else must have been up. Well you were right. You may have heard over the last week or so via CNN or other news outlets that I was poisoned and believe it was done by someone who was offended by the shirts I create. For the safety of my family and employees, I took the section down.

After realizing that I could not live my life in fear and that I could not live with myself for going against my core principles about freedom of speech, I've decided to take the chance and bring back the shirts that pushed the boundaries of public acceptance. With my family, friends and employees backing my decision... it was a no brainer.

So... to all you jackasses that thought we sold out and to all the haters who are jealous that my 1 mile long cock is more powerful than yours, fasten your seat belts and get ready for return of the sickest, craziest, funniest and most offensive shirts ever created. We have all of your favorites, plus we have brought back a slew of shirts you thought you'd never see again. A big fuck you to the people who tried to
shut us up. You'll have to do better, bitches. If I have to die in the name of free speech and over funny t-shirts, well... prepare my grave now.

There are 8 new shirts, 6 are in 'Worse Than Hell'. The 'Worse Than Hell' shirts are about race, religion, sex, starvation, child abduction, and debilitating, fatal illnesses. Or as we like to call them here at T-Shirt Hell, the usual. For those of you who like less extreme humor, we also have new shirts about flushing the Koran and bestiality.

All of our new shirts are here:

If you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and paste it into your browser.

[Thank God I Am Hated Once Again]

May had to be the worst month of my life. After we took down, 'Worse Than Hell' I had the most awful experience: lots of people started to be nice to me.

Let me give you an example. Normally, I like to go out for a nice cup of coffee at the local cafe. After we took down 'Worse Than Hell', the coffee didn't taste the same. I later found out they had stopped pissing in it! Can you imagine? The piss gave it a nice bite, and since the guy who was pissing in it was diabetic, it added a little sweetness, too. Once I figured that out, it didn't take long to realize what was missing from the creamer.

Plus, I was suddenly embraced by the rest of the black community. I was this close to receiving an NAACP Image award, or as I like to call them, "Current Least Embarrassing Member of the Black Community" award. Now that I'm back on the outside I guess they'll have to give it to Kobe Bryant. And fuck you Oprah for rescinding your invitation to appear on your show. Make my 'Wildest Dreams Come True' and slit your throat you no talent cow. You want to help Africa? Send them your bloated carcass you can feed Cameroon.

It's nice to be back on the outside again with all of the rest of you filthy perverts and psychotics. But that doesn't mean I want to spend any time with you assholes, either. My guns are loaded, my dogs are hungry, and my electric fence has more juice running through it than Nathalie Portman's cooch on Star Wars profit sharing day.

And to the rest of you, I wear your hate is like a cashmere sweater. It keeps me as warm as my rare, baby panda trench coat. So, I guess those baby pandas died for nothing? Add that to your list of reasons to despise me. Next time I go out for coffee it better be the way I like it.

[More Hate Than I Can Handle? Not Likely]

----- Original Message -----

From: marty @ ***.com Sent: Monday, June 06, 2005 8:36 PM

Hey Guys,

I see your tee shirts glorify the state of America's declining education system ie: your buying customers.

The "Koran" segment is especially offensive. Why don't you send your staff to Iraq wearing the that particular shirt?

I do support the First Amendment and it's too bad this country has assholes like you celebrating our countries ignorance.

(Editor's Note: I'm sure you're so much smarter than our average customer. I'm sure you're in your lab coat working on the cure for cancer as we speak. Although my suspicion is that after you finish sweeping the lab, you sometimes put on a lab coat and pretend to be a scientist, instead of the assistant custodian in charge of urinals and urinal cakes. They're not really cake, so you should try to cut down to two a day. Oh, and by the way Einstein, I think you meant 'our country's ignorance'? I hope it's not too late to get a refund for your online GED. It's nice to know the First Amendment is safe under your watchful eye, and that it continues to receive your tepid, conditional support.)

----- Original Message -----

From: cefur Sent: Wednesday, June 01, 2005 11:23 PM Subject: T-Shit

Hi there,

You guys have very unique and very well designed and it can convience anyone to buy stuff off ur website and i WAS planning to buy few shirts off ur site till i came across this t-shirt:

Now as a good muslim i will not buy any shirt off ur website and belive me I am NOT the only one, u fool arround with everything thats fine, y would u guys offend someone with such a product ? and i swear if i see anyone wearing this t-shirt i will beat the shit out of that person, so for ur own sake Please remove this product as soon as you can coz. you gonna lose lots of other customers like me, even if you have holy bible like that.. it will pisses me off..

thanks cefur

(Editor's Note: As a good Muslim are you really supposed to go around beating the shit out of people who wear t-shirts you don't agree with? I've known plenty of good Muslims and they don't normally spout off anything like this insipid, hypocritical, crap you're offering. But clearly, there are bad Muslims like you. You're the kind of Muslim who should become a suicide bomber. But I suggest you try blowing yourself up at home alone the first time, just for practice. You wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in a crowd of innocent civilians by just blowing off your arm, or your leg, or your dirty little trouser worm.)

----- Original Message -----

----- Original Message -----

From: Elizabeth M. Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2005 1:18 AM

all i got to say is what you are doing is sick! the world is getting worse because of things like this so why distroy this world with sick and gross t-shirts?

(Editor's Note: I only wish I could destroy the world with funny t-shirts. The first thing I would destroy would be your double wide you dopey inbred piece of trash. It's people like you who make the world a worse place. Your head is a festering pimple and all that you do is spew bullshit, puss, and this meaningless drivel. It is your lack of independent thought that is the real problem. Now go fuck your brother so you can have a few more drooling, dim witted kids to suck up my tax dollars. Not that I pay my taxes.)

----- Original Message -----

From: Razor bunnie Sent: Monday, June 06, 2005 1:53 PM Subject: t shirt idea submission

Recently, I submitted a t shirt idea for a yellow ribbon that says "Support our OOPS" and you've since come out with three yellow ribbon t shirts...all too similar to my own idea. I've not recieved an email saying that you were going to use my idea. And this is not the first time that you've taken my idea and changed it to keep from paying me the money for the use of my submission.

Be an ass hole if that is what you wish. But you will lose customers off of this. You've lost my business and the business of those that I know. Dan is very upset and will no longer hang out with you guys.

Fuck you all.

(Editor's Note: I'm sorry to disappoint you but we are no longer running the, "be one of the hundreds of people who submit an idea that is kind of similar to an idea that we used and receive $200". That proved to be very expensive, even though we are filthy rich. So we had no choice but to replace it with our current, 'submit an idea and if we actually use it you receive $200'. It is less expensive and easier to manage. Your ideas are too good for our site, we don't deserve them. I predict a bright future for you as Editor in chief of FHM. And fuck Dan, too. He never gave us back our football, and all of the hookers he uses and recommends turn out to be trannies. I'm starting to think that's not an accident.)

----- Original Message -----

From: <BKPAG @ ***.net Sent: Monday, June 06, 2005 9:25 PM Subject: order

I looked at your shirt and they are really sick and offensive but only guys who are loser would buy and wear them.I hope you offend the wrong people and sue the pants off you and close you down!

(Editor's Note: If I offended you, than I believe I've offended the right people. I'm sorry your tiny brain can't process the idea of satire, social commentary, parody or good old fashioned jokes. Perhaps, you should file a class action suit on behalf of all uptight, narrow minded, uninspired, boring twats like yourself. You could charge us with making your heads hurt by forcing you to think, and process opinions and ideas different from what your mommy taught you between frequent, well deserved beatings. I hear Johnnie Cochran is looking for new clients. Why don't you go dig him up?)

----- Original Message -----

From: "Summer" Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2005 12:25 AM Subject: The Koran!!!

A friend of mine told me about your website. And, I'm particularly talking about the "Koran in 2-ply" pathetic silly no-joke..You don't have to believe the context of the book, but as a civilized individual, you do have respect it. It's very easy to make a counter-site and mock the Bible..But, Moslems are not narrow-minded and disrespectful of other faiths.

FYI, the Koran that you're mocking, which I'm sure you've never read, approves Judaism and Christianity, and acknowledges that Jesus Christ is the son of the virgin Mary and there's a whole chapter in the Koran HONORING Jesus and Mary, and it's also part of the Islamic belief. So, to cuss the Koran you're also cussing Bibicle accounts..

You make the comparison here between the 2 sides..

(Editor's Note: When your parents named you Summer they must have known you'd be lazy, too short, and full of hot air. Well slide your hand into your sticky panties and amuse yourself while I set you straight.

I don't care if the Koran reads like a letter to Penthouse Forum and has pictures of Jesus, Joseph, Mohamed, and Moses in a slippery circle jerk. Books are for coloring, not reading and don't pretend you don't know what I mean. If my desire to promote proper ass hygiene conflicts with your deep, abiding love for the Koran I don't give two shits. But I did give a shit I would wipe it with the nearest piece of paper regardless of what fairy tale was printed on it. Bible, Koran, or Torah it makes no difference to me. Although, the Torah might be best, because it is already on a roll.)

[The End]

Russell Crowe has apologized for his violent outburst at the Mercer hotel where he allegedly threw a telephone at the concierge. Some blame Crowe's commitment to method acting, as he recently completed filming the role of a brutal, Depression era boxer. They point to a similar incident in 2002, when shortly after completing 'A Beautiful Mind', Crowe broke into a neighbor's house and did all of the children's math homework, and fucked their mom, and their cat. Just kidding, he didn't finish their homework, and he only rimmed the cat.

Fly and be free. If you can't be free, be inexpensive; you're worth it.