Michael Jackson is being forced to downsize in order to pay his current legal bills. He is selling his Neverland ranch and buying a van, 2 puppies, and a couple bags of assorted lollipops.

[Live New, Totally New Shirts! 2 Drink Minimum]

We have 5 great new shirts this week including 2 new baby shirts. The baby shirts are so cute. When they're sleeping, they look like little angels. But as soon as they wake up they're screaming, shitting, and biting my nipples, just like my dad! Happy belated Father's Day to all of you guys who are literally, mother fuckers.

All of our new shirts are here:

If you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and paste it into your browser.

[Last Week to Buy Many of the Worse Than Hell Shirts]

When we brought back 'Worse Than Hell' we brought a ton of the classic shirts out of retirement. Well, those shirts are going back into retirement after this week. That's right, all of the shirts that were Limited Editions before 'Worse Than Hell' came down, are going back in the vault, and who knows when or if they'll be available again.

So, if you've been trying to decide between your medication and a new 'Worse than Hell' shirt, this might be the week to risk skipping a dose.

As for the regular batch from 'Worse Than Hell', they'll be around for a long time.

[Settle Early: Don't Waste Your Time on Dreams]

If we've learned nothing from TLC it's, "Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls". Look what happened to Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. She chased that waterfall right off a fucking cliff.

People will often tell you to follow your dreams. This is terrible advice . You will never achieve your dreams. Yes, it's true that I did. But let's face it; you're not me are you?

Setting your mind on something is not going to make it happen. You can do anything if you set your mind to it? This is one of the biggest lies since, "I won't cum in your mouth.", "I have that other kind of AIDS." or "I was just standing here stroking my dick, minding my own business but your sister won't stop backing into it".

If you try to follow your fantasies you're going to waste a lot of time. I suggest that instead you do something every day that makes you happy, or at least distracts you from your miserable existence. Buy a t- shirt. Or like me, find a hobby. Mine is crushing the dreams of others.

[Mail From Muslims So Angry They're Ready to Explode!]

----- Original Message -----

From: TOOR423*** @ ***.com Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2005 7:37 PM Subject: Your T-Shirt about Koran is Insult
to Your Creator & Human Race

Dear Sir/ Madam: You may believe in your Right to inflict Injury & insult to all believing human beings, as Jewish, Christians, Hindus & any one or every one on the planet Earth.

Please consider the disappointment of 1/4 Muslims of the contemporary world, who would be equally insulted & disappointed by your depiction of their co-religionist's Holy Scriptures, other than Koran. That is the core of Islam, to respect human beings & their religions traditions. You are requested to please remove that henious disgrace thrown at the 8 million American Muslims.

It is not funny. Desecration implied is exteemly disrespectful & dispecable.

Mohammad A***, MD

(Editor's Note: Can you imagine Mohammad is your doctor? You think he's telling you that you're a good dancer, but what he really means is that you have cancer? And you're smiling and Poppin' and Lockin' and he starts crying? You finally figure out what he's telling you, but then he misspells your prescription and you start taking elephant laxatives and some other pill that causes you to have projectile vomiting so
powerful it can shatter glass?

Yes Mohammad, the world is overflowing with peace loving Muslims. The Iraqi insurgents are leaving loaves of fresh baked banana bread by the side of the road. They're running up to American soldiers and blowing kisses and giving them back rubs. And who can forget those shining examples of religious tolerance the Taliban? Why don't you go beat your wife? Oh I'm sorry; I don't mean to misquote the Koran. Go beat your wife, "lightly". When you're done hopefully she'll kick your ass "lightly", and then maybe shoot you, "lightly" a half dozen times.

----- Original Message -----

From: a. habib Sent: Friday, June 17, 2005 7:17 AM

To whom it concerns, You have hit rock bottom on your Koran t-shirt. Can't you show more wit and wisdom than that? What juvenile writers and designers you must have to have to go so low for an attempt at a sale. I cannot imagine the mentality of the people that created this and i shudder to think that this nation has people who would actually buy such.

Pull it off the market and make a public apology.

A. Habib

(Editor's Note: I hate when they say we've reached rock bottom. When we reach rock bottom, I promise to bring in dynamite and keep going! We will not rest until we do hit rock bottom but this shirt is not it. It's not even close. And I am not ready to make a public apology for exercising my Allah given right to free speech. Maybe in the shit hole, backwards, desert you crawled out of they can still cut your hands off
for wearing nail polish: but in America I can say whatever the fuck I want. I can put it on a t-shirt and sell it to my loyal minions. And I know you think they're a bunch of slack jawed, inbred, white trash. Well what about the other 20% of our customers? Muslims are no worse than anybody else. But they're no better than anybody else either. So get off your high horse and/or camel and make me some hummus.)

----- Original Message -----

From: "Mohammed Z." Sent: Friday, June 17, 2005 5:12 AM Subject: The Holy Quran

I have been angered by your t-shirt about the Holy Quran. This is acceptable.

Please remove the t-shirt and advertisement on your website.


Mohammed Z.

(Editor's Note: I know. It's funny because he wrote acceptable, but he probably meant something else. I assume he meant incredible or perhaps indispensable. Seriously, that's really too kind. I'm not heartless. I understand what it's like to be a Muslim, and live in a Muslim country. I'm not ignorant. I've seen Aladdin. I know you think that giant purple genie is going to kill you of you don't protect the Koran. Well, he's not. He's very busy over acting, doing coke and bad impressions.

Did it ever occur to these people that we might be outraged by the accusations coming out of Guantanamo Bay? That we might have put up this outrageous shirt to purposefully draw attention to these atrocities, and by drawing attention bring this issue under additional scrutiny? That this scrutiny might be what is necessary
to put pressure on the people responsible? That what we do might be essential if these important issues are to be resolved? I mean, it's not the reason, but I resent the fact that no one wants to consider it.)

----- Original Message -----

From: "Margaret C." Sent: Monday, June 13, 2005 11:37 AM Subject: Disgruntled

While your shirts demonstrate an extreme form of freedom of speech, the saying written on your shirts are highly offensive, and plain morally wrong. I am particularly upset by your shirt that says, "I eat more pussy than cervical cnacer." Why on earth you you compare such a deadly form of cancer to a sexual activity? I'm sure I'm not the fist one to say some thing about your shirts, either. It would not please me more to see your entire business shut down, and to see all of your shirts burned. I wish you the worst of luck in the future.

(Editor's Note: Yes our shirts demonstrate an extreme form of freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is so much better when no one says anything controversial, or is outspoken. It's not as good as highly regulated freedom of speech where there is a lot of censorship. It sounds like somebody needs to have their pussy eaten and maybe she wouldn't be so uptight. I suggest you find a boyfriend, or failing that a dog and a jar of Skippy's. I'm just kidding. What I really mean is I hope you get cervical cancer. I hope your business, which I assume has something to do with fries, is closed down. And, it is my fondest wish that your shirt is burned while you're in it. Damn the Muslims for monopolizing all of the genies.)

----- Original Message -----

From: Karen Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2005 11:48 AM Subject: Baby hell tshirt question

I am not sure how your printing works, but is there any way to order the baby t-shirt that says "My other car seat is in a Porche" but change the Porche to Honda?

It would be a gag gift for my boyfriend and I think he would get a kick out of it. I can't find any baby Honda t-shirts online and I think that would be a riot. I would pay whatever it costs. Thanks, Karen

(Editor's Note: Imagine not being able to find a t-shirt that says my other car seat is a Honda, when that is so hilarious! When I read it, I peed a little. OK, I peed a lot! I'm glad you're willing to pay whatever it costs. I have taken a blank t-shirt, that is only slightly stained with urine (your fault) and written that phrase on it in magic marker and menstrual fluid. I am sending it to you, and I have charged
your credit card $5000. We appreciate your stupidity, and your business.)

----- Original Message -----

From: Sean Patrick Sent: Tuesday, June 14, 2005 10:42 AM Subject: Re: The Early June Thing, Guess What's

Very Simply - you're not funny. Thats the worst insult that be sent to you. Your ideas are not funny. I know your a women, black and making millions.

Simply your not funny anymore. You were at one time. Now your just a nigger who is raking it in.

Just a normal guy who makes 60 K a year, lives in Conn. and has a wife. Nothing to make fun of. You may not believe it now - however, the you are going to pay for the remarks. Not maybe in the next week or sao, enjoy the $$$ and feel that life is a cabaret. YOU do, when you go to sleep at night and are alone, fear the
repercussions. It's going to be a long time wallowing in the pain for some stupid Mary and Jesus TShirts. Is it worth it? You know its not. IMNot a bible thumper and grew up catholic, which is the WORST ORGANIZATION on the face of the earth. I dont go to church and hate religion - however, did you ever hear that statement - you cant it with you? Theres a special place with the dark one waiting for your ass.

(Editor's Note: I am unfamiliar with the statement, "you cant it with you." Are you familiar with the statement you're a sad, ignorant racist? So when I'm sitting in Hell for making funny t-shirts, I assume you're going to ignorant racist Heaven where you'll sit next to Jesus and get to suck him off because you were such a shining example of all that is good during your boring middle class life on earth? Suck on the
exhaust of your Camry. I'm sure your wife and 2.5 kids will be fine without you. I'm sure her tennis instructor down at the Y will be happy to take her in. He'll be happy that he doesn't have to wait in line any more to fuck her in the equipment room.)

[Road Rage Cards? They're Road Rageous!]

Yes, summer is here and it's time for a road trip. What better way to pass the time than pissing off every other driver you encounter? Slow moving traffic will insure they have plenty of time to read every word of the filthy, funny phrasebook you're holding in your hand.

[My Only Friend, the End]

I am so revolted by all of the talk about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes I do not even want to comment on the situation. OK, Tom Cruise fucks Katie Holmes up the ass and not just as change of pace. Somewhere Chris Klein and Harvey Fierstein are weeping softly and trying to console each other.

Peaced off and Loving It.